It became very quiet in my life

Dear Bloggers,

Due to the autumn holiday, our kids slept over our old babysitters house. I was at home with oly my wife and we decided for a change not to turn on the television. But just sit down at the kitchen table and discuss our future plans. We ended up talking about our old house and made drawings about what was needed to be done, if we could buy the “old” house back. We had very happy times there and we did not have a lot to worry about. Nostalgia was winning terrain and we left behind more realistic options. We could of course buy a bigger and more suitable house. But what would happen if I all of a sudden would call these people and make them an offer that they could buy our house for a few grant more. And these ideas are coming from someone that has no job, no money and no common sense.

It is about time that they come knocking on my door from the “Postcode Loterij” and let us win a reasonable sum of money. We do not need millions but it would be nice that we could realize this funny dream. Here we go again I simply got too much time to think and my brain starts to overreact. Strange enough I am not the only one that is thinking up these kind of crazy ideas. My wife is coming with even bigger plans for the same property. More and more I start thinking about it , and figure out that how stupid we have been to sell this house. Somehow I am doomed tomake these kind of mistakes in my life.

Somehow I think that I was not born for luck at all. As a young lad, I was not the smallest kid, actually you could call me chubby. When I was approximately seven years old, I fell off my pony and hit the stones in the road. My mum took me to the doctor and he told her that my arm was heavily sprained and I should stop whining. After three nights of no sleep as well for my mum and me, we went back to the doctors office. And my mum demanded to get some X-rays made of my arm. The doctor disagreed but my mum was very persistent and got a note for the hospital. At the hospital they gave the answer that the arm has been broken, but it had started to grow back together again. So they had to break it again to get it better located to make it at least a bit straight.

A couple of years later I was in the same hospital again. I was most of the time having trouble with my flu and having a chronic cold all of the winter period, so it was time that my tonsils were removed. A simple operation you will check in in the morning and in the afternoon you could go home again. Well this was not my case, after a few hours I was bleeding pretty badly and I was rushed back to the hospital. I had to stay there for a week to regain my streght as I lost 1½ liters of blood and my body could not cope with large bleedings or wounds.

My adolescent years did not pass without any scratches when I was sixteen years old and driving a moped, I slipped on a rainy evening and hit a lamppost. Consequences: A sprained shoulder and a damaged ego. And of course a lot of damage on my moped. A couple of years later I bought my first car. When you are young, free and single you might end up like me. I was running a bit out of time as I had to work that afternoon. And I started driving reckless but my speedlevel was unfortunate too high for the road curve that I needed to take. And yes I did hit the brakes but the only thing that happened was that I ended up on one side together with my car. Actually I was lucky that only the side of the car was scratched up and the mirror had broken off. I climbed out and pushed the car back on its wheels had a quick look at the damage and carried on with my journey.

After that there followed some periods that I was quite ok, except being lucky in love. I was a lot on the move with my friends, and we did a lot of drinking unless it was your turn to drive. At a certain point I realized this was not the best thing to do in life and I started studying again. During this period I met my wife. All of a sudden I found luck.

But not for long, as we just bought a house, I lost my job (not my own fault) and after a while I found a job on a cruise ship, when I came home again I had to get used to the daily things again.


I applied for a job on a ferry, but the stress was bringing back bad memories from the past. When the firealarm went off I totally lost it. In my army days I got involved with the Herald of Free Enterprise disaster, so I was back home again. Half a year later I sailed again for the same company on a smaller ship on a different route and in a different job. This went on for a few years and I did some jobs in between as the ship was charterd out or sailing on an other ships route, while their ship was in dock.

When we bought this house and just had moved in, I slipped on the stairs just after we had put our oldest daughter to bed. I tumbled down and crashed into the wall. Next thing I remember that I was rushed into the hospital by ambulance. I had been unconscious for a while. I also fractured a thumb and had a brain contusion. After a week I still had trouble walking straight and I fell over to the right all the time. Furthermore I had trouble with mathematics and all my language skills were gone (Dutch, German and English were needed in my job.) I took me a bit more then 1½ year to get my language skill back to a normal level.

In the mean time I had became a lorry driver but I was missing the life at sea. At a certain point I had to stop with my job distribution for the Heineken company as the left side of my body was starting to give trouble. Extreme heavy pains where knocking me out, when I lifted a barrel of beer. Which had never been a problem at all, but now it felt that I had some broken ribs. I was diagnosed with costocohondritis (Tietze syndrome) from that moment I was forced to do an office job.

After a while I was sailing again with my old company as a receptionist. I really enjoyed what I was doing but all of a sudden my full body gave up on me. After a few months in the medical tredmill I got the diagnose Fibromyalgia. The company laid me off and at the hospital they told me that I had to change my lifestyle. Well let me tell you this: I would stop working if I could afford it. (time for the lottery to stop by my door.) I really hope that no one needs to deal with the idiots that I am dealing with now. It is nearly two months now that they should have send me money from the state of Denmark. But these bloody *#%@#+ ?!? can not find my journal back. It is just a bureaucratic nightmare. I think that they should offer me and my family a free holiday to Denmark when this is all running, all inclusive of course.

Make a wish when you see a shooting star, I will take cover as I am affraid that I might get hit.

The Old Sailor,

Top 10 of passengership disasters

Dear Bloggers,

As I am an old sailor, I started wondering about the Titanic disaster as it was rainy and cold outside and I found it time to watch the movie again. The day after I started looking up the disasters of the past years that never became so famous as there were no rich and famous on board. This is what I found strawling on the net.  I made a top 10. If it comes to tragedies the Philippines tops the charts for the World’s 10 passengership disasters in the last 20 years.

The ranking was based the number of casualties in a single maritime disaster. But three of the top maritime disasters in the past two decades happened in Indonesia. To my opinion it is shocking that taking risks at sea is not a very clever thing, it might go wrong one day.

1. MV Doña Paz (Philippines, December 20, 1987)

Passenger vessel MV Doña Paz collided with MT Vector, an oil tanker, along the Tablas Strait, between Mindoro and Marinduque. The collision ignited some 8,800 barrels of petroleum products that Vector was carrying at the time, causing a fire that rapidly engulfed the tanker and the Doña Paz. Subsequent investigations into the incident found that Dona Paz exceeded its passenger and cargo limits and that the Vector’s boat license had expired. Casualties reached 4,375.

2. MV Joola (Senegal, September 26, 2002)

The disaster happened within five minutes after MV Joola sailed to a sea of storm in the coast of Gambia. Various reasons for the disaster were cited, among them overcrowding, and negligence by management as the ship was not originally designed for sea faring. Death toll totaled 1,863.

3. MV al-Salam Boccaccio 98 (Red Sea, February 3, 2006)

Faulty drainage pumps and unpredictable weather were some of the reasons cited for the sinking of MV al-Salam Boccacio 98, a Roll-on/Roll-off ferry, into the depths of the Red Sea. Survivors and eye witnesses said a fire started at the storage area and, as the ship turned, it capsized and eventually sank. 1,018 passengers died in the disaster.

4. MV Bukoba (Lake Victoria, Tanzania, May 21, 1996)

The passenger steamer MV Bukoba sank in Lake Victoria causing 894 casualties while en route to Mwanza, a city in Tanzania. The steamer was already in bad shape before the voyage. It was also found out that the steamer was overcrowded.

5. MS Estonia (Baltic Sea, September 28, 1994)

The locks on the bow visor and bad weather caused this cruise-ferry’s demise. A total of 852 were killed during the tragedy.

6. KM Cahaya Bahari (Indonesia, June 29, 2000)

A total of 550 deaths were recorded after a storm hit and eventually capsized Cahaya Bahari, an Indonesian wooden-hulled ship, off the island of Sulawesi. The ship was overcrowded with refugees fleeing from the Maluku islands.

7. MV Nazreen 1 (Bangladesh, July 8, 2003)

The overcrowded MV Nazreen I sank at the confluence of the Padma, Meghna, and Dakana rivers, considered one of the most dangerous parts of the river from July to October. Casualties were counted at 528 although there’s no recorded number of passengers aboard.

8. Salem Express (Egypt, December 15, 1991)

The Salem Express, a roll-on/roll-off ferry sank off Safaga in the Red Sea as it was crossing the treacherous Hyndman Reefs. Because of the storm, the ship hit a reef, causing the bow visor to open, creating a hole on the starboard side. Water penetrated the ship which eventually sank in 20 minutes. Deaths were counted at 464.

9. MV Senopati Nusantara (Indonesia, December 30, 2006)

The Indonesian ferry sank due to a violent storm off Mandalika Island in the Java Sea. One survivor said that the ship rolled over before it submerged to the depths. Deaths were counted at 461.

10. KM Bismas Raya 2 (Indonesia, October 1999)

KM BIsmas Raya 2 caught fire while off Merauke, Irian Jaya. It eventually capsized and caused the death of 361 people.

For the World’s Worst Maritime Disasters for all time, Poland tops the list with the German liner Wilhelm Gustloff laden with refugees was torpedoed by a Soviet submarine in 1945. About 7,800 people were killed.

The Philippines’ MV Doña Paz disaster ranks 10th overall for the all-time list with about 4,375 people killed.

The Titanic is no longer in the list as it only have 1,517 people killed in 1912. Futrthermore it made me thinking about why a captain wants to go down with his ship. Also there I made a top 10 of reasons that I think is reasonable thinking for a captain. So here they come.

1.Customs and Traditions:

There are unwritten customs and traditions in the Navy which are followed by mariners since centuries. Some of them are hoisting Church Pennant, Dress ing the Ship, measurements by Fathom, giving Gun Salutes, Manning the Rails to give three cheers to honour the distinguished guests, Wardrobe Room. Captain preferring to sink with the ship is also one form of customs and traditions followed in the Navy. You may recollect on such occasions, that a pilot of the aircraft most of the times ejects, as there is no such custom and tradition to be followed.

2.Perform or Perish attitude:

The captain being the hard task master, when fails to perform with other words when he is not able to protect the ship and ships crew prefers to perish, which means he prefers to sink with the ship.

3.Moral responsibility:

Whatsoever may be the reason for the ship to sink, the captain doesn’t blame anyone till his last breath, but ensures that the ships crew is saved or rescued. He owes the moral responsibility for the mishap and prefers to sink with the ship. Such an act of owing moral responsibility is rarely seen in corporate bosses or head of an organisation.

4.Setting an example:

The captain being the No1 in the ship, has to be an example to others. He is the captain as long as the ship floats, but when the ship sinks he is no more a captain. Hence when the ship sinks he prefers to sink with the ship.

5.Mark of respect:

When the ship sinks, the captain sinks with the ship as an act of mark of respect to the ship he commanded.

6.Can’t live without his Lady Love:

The captain can not live without his Ladylove i.e. when his ship sinks. Ship is generally feminine. You may see my earlier post on this subject.

7.My ship and My command attitude:

The captain of a ship, functionally acts as a dictator. Because of this attitude, he feels he is right to sink with the ship when his command collapses.

8.An act of Sacrifice:

The captain feels guilty when the ship sinks and prefers to sink with the ship.

9.To be seen as a Hero or Martyr:

By sinking with the ship, the captain will always be seen as a hero or martyr. If he prefers to survive, he loses his name and fame and will have a miserable life.

10.Fear of prosecution:

If the captain prefers to survive, instead of sinking with the ship, definitely there will be Court-martial/prosecutions leading to disciplinary actions. In most of the cases the judgements will not be in his favour.

I hope I did not scare anyone away from going to sea, as I had some great years out there. Nature is doing what she wants with all of us. But if you see the sunset at sea you know why sailors fell in love with their job.

The Old Sailor,
 

Once upon a time

Dear Bloggers,

I digged in my archives and found this story that I wrote in Dutch in March 2008, It was a hard one to translate but it looks like it that i did it again. So sit back and relax here it comes.

Ok, Let me once again start telling about earlier times.

Yes, if you are getting a bit older you start with memorizing your younger days.

I used to think: When I grow up, or is it .... "When I am old?"

As a little boy I did not dream of being a fireman or a pilot.

I dreamed that I would be a cowboy and then it was not so much about the fact that I wore the popper, but more that I liked their roughneck personality and free spirit.

Also the fact that you should lead a nomadic life.

Endless prairies were in my thoughts and in my imagination I crossed them on horseback.

I often drifted off as I was still quite young, my wild dreams were shattered, because you just had to do your best at school and there would not be such a dream.

I therefore present my best side and do the utmost for my children that they will try as much as possible to realize their dreams.

My wife is not stopping me in this case.

Although it is hard to hear sometimes that your child cannot keep up with the rest of the class at certain studyparts, but on the other hand we are also still there to stimulate them and of course to help them.

The things they learn now is what threatens to hit back in a later school stage because some things they have not fully mastered.

Because unfortunately you are getting nowhere nowadays close to the barge without a proper education.

This contrasts with the time I lived during my childhood, when there were many who had only primary school and that was nothing unusual in those days. (Oh yes, that is called Elementary today)

But I had no idea that these people could trick you with their arithmetic skills, writing skills, or their topographical information.

I will not say that there were no stupid people then, of course they existed.

But why should we teach mental arithmetic?

No, need you have a mobile phone or a calculator for this.

And for the more complicated calculations we use a spreadsheet program on the computer.

The topographic information is now in the art of controlling the GPS navigation system.

Not to mention the art of writing.

First thing we have learned is to write complete sentences.

Now they have MSN or SMS language in which you can sometimes find no logic.

If they write: “Please wait” nowadays, they write:”pls w8”.

But I'm just in my forties, then you are according to the young people an older man.

Did I grow old too soon?

Did I become too old to dream?

Soon I probably get an automatically generated letter from somekind of institution that I must report to the club of elderly blokes that hang out with eachother.

In my youth you had respect for those "old men" who gathered every day at to the so-called "lie bench" where they spent many hours.

Overlooking the harbor.

Here they criticized everything that happened in the world.

And that world was much smaller than the world of today.

Ok there was a newspaper (printed on paper and a black and white TV and a radio but that was all technology available to our needs.)

Everything happens so fast nowadays and it is quite difficult sometimes to keep up with everything.

Yes, once the world was still very small but relatively safe for us.

The Old Sailor,

I need a little help getting over being laid off...

Dear Bloggers,

I worked for the same employer for so many years, thought they were great (in some ways, still do) but was blindsided by a layoff due to health reasons. I loved my job, the customers, most of the staff, etc. It's been two weeks, and I'm just at a loss at what to do with myself to ward off the obsessing over every little thing that's gone on in my life in the last year. I keep trying to tell myself to let it go, can't change the past, etc. but it's literally what I go to bed thinking about, dream about and then get up about but still I am trying to keep busy, obviously looking for a job. I have unemployment insurance but the bloody state of Denmark is extremely slow with their payments and while things will be tight for awhile, it's not crucial that I am employed right away and I am very wary of continuing in the same field. I am so far applying for jobs that use my skills but are not anything like what I did before. I will still try to find a job working with customers.I'm interested in hearing other people's stories about what they did to ward off the laid-off demons, especially if you feel you ended up a lot better off !!

For me, the hardest part about being laid-off was not being able to control a major decision in my life. The company management makes the decision that there is going to be a lay-off, decides who will be affected, when it will be implemented, and what the terms are. The decision has the most profound effect on the employee. Getting laid off creates a ton of stress -- Will I get a new job? Will I have enough money? What about health insurance? But to top it off, it is a humiliating process.Then you have to follow up the lay-off with looking for work. Again, it is a process completely out of your control. You send resumes, emails, make calls and you may or may not get a response. The process reassures you that you are not in control of your career.

I dealt with it by countering the feeling of helplessness. I used my time off to take control of my health. I started cycling as much as possible on good days and getting into shape. I found an aspect of my life that was important to me and that I could keep in my control. At the time I had no idea that I was doing this, but when I look back now I can see that it was the most beneficial thing that I did to deal with the situation. And I don't want to set the bar too high -- I didn't turn myself into some sort of Ironman I just got some exercise, ate better, and lost some weight. But the important thing was that I was working towards something that I had decided. All that said, being laid-off was still a miserable, stressful, and lonely time in my life. I don't think it is all that unusual to be 'lost' for the first month. I know I had a hard time finding the motivation to do anything, including looking for work, during that first month. If for some reason your financial situation allows it, then let yourself take it easy for a month.

Unfortunatly my financial situation is bad at the moment and I had to give my case to an attorney to get things sorted. It is incredible how slow these things can work and that they still call it a social system. You get stressed already when you have to phone them, 48 minutes waiting time is far to long in my opinion but does not seem to be abnormal. (long distance call alhough inside Europe)
As soon as you are through you can sense the dispatchers panic as she has to speak English to me, instead of Danish but she is trying at least. Downpart of the phonecall is that my case is not investigated yet, so she can only answer a few of my questions. My case was sended to them a fortnight ago. On top of that I am battling with some sore throat problems and some flu kind of symptoms. If this is the swine flu I think I found a cure to stop it:

How we keep grip on the swine flu pandemic

As you know, the (Mexican) swine flu easily transferable via eg doorknobs, keyboards, taps, etcetera etcetera . Recent research has shown that the bacterium is very easily transmitted through the use of coins and banknotes. The bacterium attaches itself very well to the notes and coins which daily go through many hands, which is an increased risk of infection with it. To keep the swine flu outdoors, you can drop off your used coins and banknotes from now =For Free = hand them in to me. I will personally ensure that your capital will be destroyed. I will also ensure that the bacteria no chance to cause further contamination. You can either hand in your coins and banknotes with me or drop them off in the mail-box. The mail-box will be emptied and cleaned every day in order to combat infection. Spread the word ... Spread the word ... Spread the word ... of course if you live far away you can also send a cheque or ask for my bank account.

The Old Sailor,

How to keep the faith?

"Remain confident in the survival of all positive and negative life experiences."

Dear Bloggers,

It's not that I am deeply religious but I've planned to read the Bible once in my life and I planned to get a better understanding of fellow believers.

If you have the feeling that you have lost everything and it is getting hard to stay positive, you will start looking for getting out of this misery.

If your life slides down towards the valley; you will try to slow it down. But if your mind starts slipping too it is going to be a bit of a different story. I am luckely a realistic kind of person and I can quite quickly adapt to these kind of crisis situations.

Anyway no matter what happens it will give some kind of stress. The biggest challenge is to look for another job as I simply cannot sit back and relax.

The Old Sailor appears no longer to feel safe on the spot where he always was safe. A very familiar feeling when something bad happens to you: literally and figuratively as the ground beneath your feet is sinking away and you from one moment to the other lost all grip. For me such a feeling is recognizable.

And the Bible poet writes: In you oh Lord, I have taken refuge; let me never be put to shame; deliver me in your righteousness, turn your ear to me, save me! The poet cries out as the most important thing that should be right in this situation. That there is someone who does justice to you and at least listens to you. You need an ear, which turns to you and will look at you now and what is involved here. A line below the poet asks: Be to me a protective rock? This man feels in a valley, which can be hardly any deeper, a dip where he never will come out. It suddenly calls on me, that this can be seen as my situation.

Only a long way later in the psalm it is the poet that realizes how bad it actually was with him or her. That is why we read, "I am become as broken crockery. A striking image: yourself being the pottery a pitcher, as a part of an expensive dinner set. So worth the trouble of respect: very, cool, healthy. And now suddenly broken, there are cracks in it. Always have felt yourself healthy, suddenly you where not quite sure. For example to live with it always the threat that the humiliating pain comes again as in the beginning. Not sure more of the job, the relationship where you were happy. Your partner to let go, or worse, losing him or her to death.

Broken pottery? never fully and enjoy carefree. Another long way away in the Psalm says the poet? But I trust in You, O Lord, I say: Thou art my God. My times are in your hand? Times, it says there. Time in the plural! Time as a whole firm, solid as a rock. But times, as a succession from one time to a different time, which also wrote Ecclesiastes. A time of joy, a time of sorrow. A time to weep, a time to laugh. Times of ups, downs of times. And all those times together in the hand of the Eternal. Also”My” times. The time of once my health and now became suddenly the time to care about.

The poet of Psalm knows all about this. The poet does not say in this psalm: it happens to me from God. The poet says: there is a hand, which held all the time, held it together, namely: the hand of the Eternal. That contradicts a blind faith in a kind of fatal, crippling fate. Confidence in the Hand that holds you all times of your life around, can create space for it anyway to keep.

We people carry our biography with us. The question is: Do I want to learn something from my life experiences? And dare I ask to be like: where am I?, Am I maybe too much?, Do I enjoy enough?, And where do I go? And last but not least, I dare my time, so my life. My times of ups and my times of downs. My times as a succession from one time to a different time. Can I through the lives of all my positive and negative life experiences remain confident in the Hand? Who holds me and keeps all these times of my life going?

For even as the poet at the end of Psalm 31 wrote to others to say: ”Be strong, all ye that hope in the Eternal” May it be so. I had never imagined such things were in the Bible. Do not think that I'm suddenly converted, but I understand better now that people can draw strength from their faith if the story is explained in the right way.

The Old Sailor,

Joy and enjoy

Dear Bloggers,

Yesterday was not the best day to stay positive, I was back on board to talk things over with my boss. As the job that I was doing is not getting easier the company has decided to give me notice.

You can probably imagine that my mind has been running in circles when I was back home as my little bubble fully bursted. Although I was negative for a couple of hours and did not sleep that good last night. I started of this morning with getting my kids to school and doing my Qi-gong session. After this I made some coffee, shot an e-mail to the Union to help me out. The world is still turning so time to write my story for this week.

You see life as a growth in your ability to enjoy life and to experience joy and happiness is most important in this life.

It is also nothing to laugh about, mental relaxation, quality perception, and are in harmony with existence, and on inner integrity, inner freedom, and experiencing the meaning of your existence.

Living in a positive quality of life implies a certain orientation, open to experience the joy of life and enjoy your life. Living to learn more to enjoy, because only a really intense and you can totally enjoy the meaning of your life experience. . . . . .

And, if there is no growth in your life you enjoy, it's because you always in the trap of fixed subtle negativity, or an obsessive state dissatisfaction, mental stress and negative life quality creates.

Preprogrammed is the collective awareness of the ego?

It is selfish paranoid with a survival mentality that underlies it.

It is also important to realize that you enjoy the intensity of nothing and that has to do with what you enjoy, but the quality of the person who is enjoying.

How uninhibited, free and more positive your life situation is, the purer and more intense, the quality of enjoying will be.

And that which you enjoy is only one reason. . . . . . . However, more negative, more egocentric, dissatisfied, angry, aggressive, etc. your life situation, the less your ability to enjoy.

Your ability to enjoy so you can also see it as a meter for your mental state. . . (!)

And not every day that you enjoyed your life in this beautiful wonderful world of mystery is actually a lost day of your precious life. . . . . . . It is time to have a great laugh and have fun in your life, because it can help to make you aware of mental relaxation.

Just fun "making" has a certain top, more fun than fun is not possible.

This, by the presence of those who enjoy "making" the ego.
We have such fun, because we are on a party, and it is someones birthday.

Cheerfulness is now expected of us, and who is not happy falls out of place.

So everybody "is doing its best" as much as possible to be happy or funny.
For real fun, no party is required.

Fun "making" is something entirely different than the spontaneous fun that you can live together in a genuine sense of shared humor and authentic joy.

This spontaneous pleasure only from a genuine mental state of relaxation.

For many people it is clear to experience, that laughter can give the same relaxation as the mental state of inner kindness, provided however, that laughter truly unconditional and total. You laugh in almost all situations, you may laugh inwardly.

For example, on streets, public transport etc.
Learn the art of laughing at nothing, laughing at the pure laughter, the joy of laughter.

Illogical, but very valuable and important for the development of a truly relaxing positive mental quality of life.

This laughter can find joy in life (like happiness) it needs no reason.
Therefore, it can be comfortable illogical.

For some, this might be a difficult barrier to take, because initially it just seems weird.

However, if you really realize that joy is your natural potential, and no reason is needed, you are taking off all the brakes.
You'll also be much easier in the state of mental relaxation, inner kind of effortless government. How fuller you're "smile power" how bigger your ability to enjoy even more in total.

From your ability to enjoy, you can discover and develop a process by choosing, to make fundamental changes and finally to live in a relaxed state of mind.

That is positive quality of life.

As noted above it is required, to discover and learn to let go of your obsessive state, of any real negativity, aggressiveness, survivalparanoya, making yourself important, arrogance,
discontent, obsessive behavior, greed, desire and mental stress.
Total and intense to really enjoy it is also important to allow yourself to be completely unbiased, without any prejudice or condition, and it should be unlimited.
Also important is to allow yourself to cry with intense experiences.

Crying is primordial and there is nothing obviously wrong with it, no matter whether you're male or female.

The "never-crying man" is just a primitive cultural lying macho ego-conditioning not to appear weak.

Learn to accept your crying in inner honesty and integrity, it is an intense experience of emotions what ever they are caused by.

Also allow yourself to laugh while you enjoy, it creates mental relaxation.

Especially since it seems a bit weird (small insignificant ego) you can have a lot of fun as you experience to enjoy, then you can "enjoy your enjoyment" so you enjoy even more and it is still unrestrained Exuberant joy has a certain excitement and tension, which then migrate to the energy quality of such a free and highly mentally relaxed enjoyment.

This lets you enjoy a relaxed mental inner joy without excitement, which can grow and trans-formation of indescribable love and ecstasy and far beyond it. . . . . . . All this does not mean that there can be no benefit in exuberant joy.

And, if there is your ultimate enjoyment, then there is nothing wrong with that, there is still something to discover an immense enrichment of your life.
Maximum benefit is something you can only happen when you least expect.

So do not want or expect anything, but only open in inner humility, unpretentious nature, be a non-government person, making yourself unimportant and get into a relaxed positive state in your purest inner integrity.
Eventually you will find that you experience on power will give a "richer, and stronger you" and the quality of the experience will be "more refined, purer and it will be more intense.” for you.

The Old Sailor,

At the bottom of our existence

Dear Bloggers,

It takes a while before you realize how formative the landscape may be where you are born and raised.
You see this perhaps the best in nostalgia, with people who languish because they - for whatever reason - have left their homes.
It is sometimes astonishing to see where they desire to return.

I have a really beautiful place to live but I do not feel at home here.
We have not done badly and now live in a semi-attached house in Lippenhuizen.
I look out on the forward at a few houses and a field with a pond, a playground is located just 2 streets away, a primary school and a village shop within walking distance - some people would kill for that kind of environment.
Although this is not the thing for me, I think

But this man longs for his homeland and the emotion took me along and my mind was already there.
We see one and another in our mind, a tiny village on a lake.
This is where I grew up and where life still radiates purity.
Already dreaming I suddenly woke up and felt tired and displaced.
Could this be part of all my complaints and problems, because I have never really been happy here. I'm homesick for my homeland.

It does not apply to everyone equally: but the ground where we were born, represents us.
You have landpeople, city people, village people, waterrats, desert riders, mountain goats and so on.
I am a real waterat and now I live in the dry woodland. The area is beautiful, but in my view it is oppressive.

In the Dutch “Van Dale” dictionary, I find the word ground and here I do not find what I seek, then I look at the word bodem and here I find the definitions:
bodem de; m -s; -pje 1 (van tonnen, manden, kisten, glazen) vlak dat op de grond rust: iems verwachtingen de ~ inslaan ze vernietigen; iets tot op de ~ uitzoeken zeer grondig; een dubbele ~ een tweede, niet direct merkbare betekenis 2 schip: oorlogsbodem 3 bedding, vaste ondergrond: de ~ vd zee 4 aardkorst, aardoppervlakte 5 grondgebied: op Hollandse ~
Yes it is here and what can I do with them, I can try to dissect my homesickness in simple language and words.

The researcher became awake again.
And my language is again somehow more inventive.
Because of expectations you have can be running ground.
You can dig something out to the bottom.
And we can lose ground in our excistence, you can go to the bottom of your forces, and many of us keep things in the bottom of our hearts.

To explain the last phrase of Dale writes:? In the deepest of our hearts where the deepest, most secret desires are and hidden affections.
There it is... In the depths of our soul, our personal land there sits the homesickness, now I'm convinced.

Nostalgia for landscapes, nostalgia for a certain time - usually to what it once was.
If it was not sounding so poetic; Dramatically sounded, I would say: This is the soil for the landscapes of our soul.

And the neatest is that landscapes look different for everyone.


The Old Sailor,

Clearing the attic… gets your mind cleared as well?

Dear Bloggers,

“A clean attic is the sign of clear mind.”

When the attic is clean there’s room for new things, and it just feels better.

I asked myself the question am I happy with my situation now?

I find as I get older, I have to consciously question my own beliefs and attitudes, and not just mention how I do things.

Tai chi is not the only thing that gets me thinking this way, but it’s a big part of it.

As I advance in my skills I find my teacher and my master keep correcting me in small ways. They constantly have me looking at how I’m doing things.

The really interesting part of this is that I sometimes notice big differences when I change little things.

I start slowly but surely to move in the right direction.

As it is not only the body but also the mind that needs to relearn how to work in harmony again.
That the body needs to take it a bit slower does not specifically mean that the mind should.

It is like following a young and full energetic child.

My body is the parent that is so tired of doing too much in a day and my mind is that little child that loves to run all the time.

If you learn the child too hold your hand when you walk to school, it will walk next too you most of the time and you feel better as you have things under control.

This weekend we have been clearing out the attic of our house (tons of unprocessed paperwork and old studybooks) And oh my goodness it is hard to throw away these “old” memories.
I’ve found that a clean mental attic is also good for my tai chi practice.

Since this approach works so well with tai chi, I tend to use it in my life in general or at least as much as possible.
Sometimes life situations change, but we’ve become so habitual that we don’t think to change the way we do things in response.

As I will get busier with work it seems I have less time to work on this site, and that’s not a happy thought for me.

Also my spouce thinks I am spending too much time on it, I see it as a form of relaxation.

Only yesterday it dawned on me that all I have to do is make a couple of very small and simple changes to my schedule and I’ll have the time I need.

How’s your mental attic looking?

Have the conditions in your life changed recently?

If so, take a look around your attic and see if any changes are in order.

Life doesn’t always have to be difficult.

There’s a truth in the saying: “Life is Good” but we are not always willing to see it.

Eventhough we are not all perfect.

Have you ever questioned yourself what is perfect?

This picture has been made by the industry of perfume, clothing and film.

If they would get real and use real people for their adds, life would become even better.

“If you think there is good in everybody then you obviously haven't met everybody”

The Old Sailor

Back to work

Dear Bloggers,

I developed fibromyalgia in januari 2007 when I was a 40-year-old receptionist working under extreme pressure and deadlines for a busy ferry company.

I averaged about 6-7 hours of sleep a night due to job stress, coupled with a life-long tendency toward insomnia.

I had also been under a great deal of personal stress for many years.

I would try to catch up my rest by sleeping 7-8 hours a night on the days that I was free, but the family life would not let me.

After a few years of this, I suddenly developed a pain in my lower back and especially shooting pains in my arms, hands and fingers.

My muscles felt tight and inflamed, and I was physically exhausted.

I wanted to work less in the near future and change to another job, but I had to keep on working to pay the bills.
I had no idea what was wrong with me.

I consulted many doctors--neurologists, orthomolecure therapists, fysiotherapists, chiropractors, rheumatologists, doctors of internal medicine, etc. Each one had a different theory: fibrositis, arthroses, sarcodiosis, pinched nerves, lyme disease, and even a hypothyroid condition.

The final diagnosis was fibromyalgia.

I had tenderness at 13 of the 18 trigger points characteristic of fibromyalgia, and stiffness and pain in my muscles.

At times I also had muscle tremors and herendously tired.

I felt totally burned out.

The doctors prescribed drugs, anti-inflammatories, muscle relaxants and painkillers but nothing really helped.

It was very frustrating!

I tried taking vitamins by changing my diet and exercising.

The vitamins helped me feel stronger, but the debilitating pain and stiffness of fibromyalgia still persisted.

Exercise actually made the condition worse sometimes but I was told to keep in motion--it felt like my muscles were tearing.

Even mild stretching, such as reaching too far into a cupboard, would cause me days of misery.

I was puzzled that I even had pain when my body was completely at rest!
Since it was unlike any other pain I had ever experienced, I found it hard to describe to others. Sometimes it was a sharp stabbing sensation, at other times a dull, miserable ache that wore me down.

It felt like the nerves and muscles were irritated and inflamed.

Because I looked healthy and kept up with my responsibilities, a lot of people didn't believe that I was suffering like I was.

Some even said it was "all in my head" or that I was lazy and trying to avoid work!

Needless to say, this increased my emotional stress levels!

Unfortunately, not much was known about fibromyalgia in my surroundings but internet could answer a lot of questions but some parts that you read will make you more sick.
I started losing the feeling of "connection" between my brain and my hands.

I would think I was going to drop something, when actually I would be gripping it very tightly. Also, if any weight was put on my arms, such as carrying grocery bags, lifting a heavy pot from the stove, having a child pull on my arm, etc., I would get terrible pains in my arms that would last for the whole day.

I felt practically disabled!

So many activities I never gave a second thought to now became obstacles throughout the day!

As a "Type-A, take-charge, high-achieving" kind of person, these drastic changes in my life were hard to accept.

It was a nightmarish time financially as well.

I tried physical therapy, cortisone shots, massage therapy and chiropractic to relieve my fibromyalgia.

Of all the remedies I tried, massage helped the most, but it was very expensive and the relief I obtained ended almost as soon as the massage did! My muscles were drawn up and tight, especially in my upper back and neck.

Massage therapists told me that my muscles felt "hard." My whole body was painful and stiff. If I sat for more than 10 or 15 minutes, I could barely get up again because of the pain and stiffness in my knees and legs. I felt like a very old person. I learned to sleep on my back because of chronic pain in both shoulders.

After a couple of months at home on sick leave and many visits to the hospital, It is time to go back to work now.

But question is can I handle it and can they get used to the new me.

The same person dealing in a different way with his energy levels.

The fibromyalgia will flare up or ease off depending on how much sleep I was getting or how much stress I will be under.

I feel pain and tired much of the time and also suffer from insomnia, but I am not the person that sits down and feels depressed.

I actually became more and more aware of what my body is still capable to do.

I had a lot of trouble with insomnia.

Usually one bad night's sleep led to 4 or 5 more nights of even worse sleep!

I tried a lot of remedies, and a chinese method learned me how to relax eventhough I did hardly sleep, the body came to a full rest.

And I had enough energy the next day.
The physical pain of fibromyalgia is bad enough, but the fatigue wore me down mentally as well. For months I was so physically weak that even a normal car trip would completely exhaust me and I would fall asleep on the couch!

Also, the pain sensations were very severe at these times, but I was not willing to give up and let this sickness influence my mind.

Al my back up sources were depleted from years of sleeping problems.

And that was where my body simply started to hit the brakes.
In order to cope, I learned to reduce all forms of stress in my life and to curtail any activities that would make the fibromyalgia worse.

I came to accept the fact that I could no longer participate in many of the activities that I would normally do but that I had to regulate my sources.

I had previously enjoyed, and I eventually adapted to a limited lifestyle.

The carefree days of good health seemed over for good, and I had given up any hope of a "cure" for my fibromyalgia.

I don’t believe there is a cure for it, but if you believe in yourself you can learn how to deal positive with the pain.

The Old Sailor,

End of the summer holiday

Dear Bloggers,

If central Netherlands will also go back to school, the Northern part already started again for at least two weeks.

They are learning reading: With the words Me, moon, rose.

And they learn to multiply and add.

Two weeks is often the case?

A period that children, especially infants get a small decline in fatigue and mood.

The first few weeks and they are getting up happy, when they are clean and brushed waiting at the door when you call them once to go to school, then suddenly there is more and more that they take it slow and they start crying at the farewell.

I often heard the question lately how you can support your child when they go back to school. Obviously, every child and family is different, here are some collected opinions:

Specifically: Tell what you know: the teachers name, This is your class, this is your seat and in the circle. Here we hang your coat on, and look here is the bathroom. If the clock tells..., I come and pick you up.(babysitter, caretaker at school) at the entrance. Avoid big and exciting stories what they do and learn. That comes later.

Specifically 2, after school: Keep your questions short and limited, how was it? It is difficult for a young elementary school child to respond. Easier when you have something concrete to ask like: I see paint on your pants, have you been making something? Or: Fridays you've always have gymnastics and which teacher is going with you? Do you like it (or is it stupid!) what you do with gym? What games do you on the playground? Was that the story of a frog or a horse this morning the teacher was telling? What was that frog doing? The first time it is very difficult for any child to tell what is happening and what he or she experiences. Give them some space, do not expect too much. Suddenly your daughter says:? you know what I find really dumb? and you have beautiful leads to a good conversation.

Caring:(even with an anxious heart) Larger children suddenly doing more cool things as driving around on bikes. That, after the summer they are suddenly being a huge step further. Show me how you do that?,is the question. You say: I walk behind you and if I think you cross the street next time you can do it on your own?.

Caring 2: Keep it cool at home. Playing with others is fine, but set straight away some limits. Two afternoons per week is really enough. Especially for toddlers. And get them to bed on time!
To get them back into the daily rythm will be the hardest part, and also for myself this will be tricky.

The Old Sailor,

A recycled holiday ???

Dear Bloggers,

Yes, it was that time of the year again, time to break out of the daily atmosphere and go on holiday.
Although I have to admit that this time it would be different then former years.
Normally I was the one pulling the wagon and being active all the time.

These days are history and I was not looking forward to go on holiday as I am being tired quite a lot.

But I was pretty surprised that my kids simply did their things and we only had to guide them a little bit. That is also one of the big plusses of having everything inclusive so they can get everything themselves. As the staff is used to Dutch speaking guests the kids can simply manage themselves.

I am very happy man as I really got the chance to relax, my kids hung out with the entertainers and during the day we had all the time of the world in the park, as we had a few days to explore it. So for me there was only the stress of travelling to the park, but the navigation system guided us clearly to our destination.















We checked in and the relaxing could begin, in the restaurant you got your own table for the whole period. And that was absolutely fabulous as my kids knew exactly where to go.

To me it was a great experience, I really came to rest although I had to fight the fatigue attacks in the afternoon, but I could get coffee everywhere and this helped for the time being.

In a way it is one of the most bizarre amusement parks on the planet and it is called Wunderland Kalkar (formerly: "Kernwasser Wunderland") in Kalkar, Germany. http://www.wunderlandkalkar.eu
















It started its life as a breeder-reactor! Shortly before its completion it became one of the most expensive ruins (approx. € 4 billion) when numerous protests, the Chernobyl disaster and political queeries made it difficult to justify its existence.

The Dutch businessman Hennie van der Most had plans for it: He bought the whole ruin (minus the nuclear stuff) for just € 2.5 Million and converted it into a hotel and fun-park.























His early plans of building a rollercoaster-dark-ride through the spooky, labyrinthine hallways of the reactor came to a halt when he was confronted with the totally insane building-requirements in Germany.






















Poor Hennie was close to call it a day, when he famously gave an interview in which he nagged about the German bureaucrazy.

Apparantly placing some flower-pots on a 3 meter (10 ft.) thick concrete-slab required permission from various building-authorities!
Of course their have to be some safety requirements but this was a bit to much of sticking to the rules. At least that is what I think.






















Of course Hennie was also aware that the ambience of his artificial paradise left something to be desired.
Despite being beautifully located at the edge of the Rhine-River, the massive cryptic architecture of the plant overshadowed virtually any idea of family-fun.
So there had to be something done about it.
The cooling tower was turned into a climbing wall and was nicely painted.
Also the other buildings got some fresh and happy colours.

With all-inclusive offerings (all-inclusive means: food and dirnks and especially alcoholic becverages) he somehow managed to fill his bunker-hotel with groups of low-level business travellers and groups of youngsters to have a party.

The good part of this idea is that nobody has to drive home as you stay in the hotel. (No trouble about who needs to drive.) There are some strict rules about noise and that is no problem as the hotel accomodation is seperated in most of the cases from the bar street which is in the basement of the reactor building. And more and more families staying for a few nights.

In the hotel area there are a couple of restaurants in case you want to eat something different then the buffet food, you have to pay a little bit extra for the wok or piri piri restaurant.

We had our virgin experience with the hotel and I must say that we all loved it.
Me as a receptionist myself found of course a few little things that could be done better.
Of course I made a few remarks on the comment card, but these were a couple of minor notes. Our two daughters have already decided to go again next year as this was just not long enough for all of us.

The children's entertainers did a great job and had a good programme running. To please my spouce we have been shopping in Oberhausen mall called CentrO which is only 40 minutes by car from the park. I really have to compliment all the staff as they where all very friendly and helpful.

Eventhough people where queing in front of the receptiondesk, they really took there time for you and explained things how it should be.

The park is now in its 14th year of operation, catering to families who can´t or will not afford a day at one of the upscale German and Dutch amusement-parks in the area. (where you have to que at least for a minimum of 20 minutes on every ride.) We tried one of them on our last day.

















Moviepark Germany is approx 1 hour drive from Kalkar. I had booked the tickets online with a discount offer of 30% but still I had to pay more then € 80,-
The park was in my opinion absolutely overcrowded and only the atractions for the little ones were available within 10 minutes as they were running as short as possible.
For the main attractions like the rollercoasters at ten o'clock in the morning the queing time was already 50 minutes or more.
Furthermore several attractions where not open or under repair, strange thing to do that in the high season.

Looking at new pictures of Wunderland, it seems that they somehow manage to blend out the buildings by simply throwing lots of paint on them.
Besides, after a place has been used for a different purpose long enough, the "old ghosts" seem to vanish.
Still, the idea of putting an amusement-park into an atomic powerplant is awesome, even if the outcome is a bit underwhelming.

At this moment Henny van der Most bought himself a “new” powerplant in Meppen (just across the Dutch border between Groningen and Assen.) http://www.funpark-meppen.de




























This so called funpark Meppen will be opening this year partly but will be more based on extreme action sports.
The concept will be similair to Wunderland (All inclusive) but this one is for the bigger kids and their moms and dads of course.


The Old Sailor,