Dear Bloggers,
I am becoming 45 years old in a few days and have seemingly done
nothing with my life. I’ve got married put two daughters on this planet but I
have a long trail of failed relationships and other kind of rocky roads behind
me. Yes we do have children, but they did not come easy.
I own a house but it
is hardly sellable during the past three years it has been an economic crisis
and the costs of it is on our neck further we own two at least 16 year old
cars. I am a busdriver on a temps contract which means I am a professional though but half of the time you
are unemployed. Yet when I'm working, I don't consider it my career, but more
of a means to an end. I have no real hobbies or passions of note.. except
writing on my blogstories
I know its hard at our age to look back at what's been accomplished so far and
feel any real satisfaction. That's why this time of our lives is titled
"the Mid-life Crisis". I'm having one myself. BUT~ identifying what's
happening is half the battle. Its what you do with what I term the "second
half" of my life that matters. We now have enough experience to know right
from wrong, what we are willing to put up with, and what constitutes a
"deal breaker". We know what we like and why its important to be
around people who love us for ourselves and not what they can get from us.
I may look longingly at the young people in
their 20's and feel envious, but I have no idea how much I have it over them! I
have a sense of self, a fully developed personality based on having lived
through some pretty exciting and crazy times! I can remember what life was like
before everything was at a person's finger tips and yet still unattainable as
ever. before cell phones, personal computers, and the only thing I had to plug
in to read a story, was a lamp. Have you ever found yourself trying to explain
what a record was to a younger person? I tried once, .. I got as far as
describing what it looked like, and they hopped up and said" OH, you mean
like a laser disc, only made from black plastic??" oh boy.
I find alot of my peers are married or (more
likely) divorced, some are on 2nd marriages, or just now raising teenagers, or
younger. I have two lovely daughters in the age of nearly 14 and on of nearly 9
and they still need us in so many ways. Sooo.. I guess I'm saying that its not
that I'm 45 so much, its that I'm 45 and I don't have very much in common with
my age set. Do you ever feel this way?
I feel miserable and I am very frightened.....
What is coming next......
I can relate to a thing that was called the
pogostick. I am nearly 45 (born in1968). I feel as if I am drifting or on
downward spiral. For every superficial meaning you might find in a thing, there
seems to be another angle that contradicts it, rendering the whole thing
meaningless and value-free. I feel like I'm on an empty journey. I wonder
sometimes am I just journeying, am I lazy?
I am not going to say that I am sorry. I think
that it needs to be sincere, like saying "I love you." However, I
know how you feel, and I can say I relate to your emotional stress. I think
that life is lived "backwards", "quickly", and
"mechanically", It seems that it passes along mercilessly, and that
causes us to have a regretful recollection of events that have come in and out
of our lives. I will ask that you find your "niche" and go for it.
"Fly your own flag," and to hell with what others think. The only
person that should define the person that you are-is you!
I'd like to
reccommend the Old Sailor style. Well I
stick to this phrase like always: “Live life as long it is there, pray for less
fights, spend your last money on a drink and fuck if your life is depending on
it.”
The Old Sailor,