Spring is coming

 Dear Bloggers,

 

It is on its way, Spring. We celebrate that the sun is shining, the birds are singing, the first buds are budding, the sky is blue again. Above all, move with the rhythm of this season, because there is no period more suitable for a fresh start than spring.

 

Sunset at the harbour of Langweer (©Passantenhaven Langweer)

Everything starts up again.

Spring is eminently symbolic of new beginnings. Just look around you. Nature is slowly awakening from its hibernation. The bare branches still seem asleep now, but the spectacle is about to begin. The first buds come out, and then suddenly the party erupts in an explosion of blossom. Along the way, you already see loads of crocuses and snowdrops, and here and there the daffodils are coming out of the ground. The old is cleared away and makes room for the new. With spring, the cycle begins a new round.

 

 

Go Outside

This great reversal does not only apply to nature. After a period of stillness, inner peace, and relaxation, it is also time for us as humans to turn outwards. To leave the past behind and set new ideas in motion. Get clean by cleaning your house, for example. Get outside and meet new people. Enjoy every ray of sunshine there is. Open the windows, clear out stuff you no longer need and feel your home fill with new life energy, using your emotions and thoughts as wonderful tools to live it to the full. Once you have mastered this steering of positive thinking, you can turn your deepest desires and most beautiful dreams into reality.

 

Young, fresh energy

Spring represents cheerfulness, optimism, and bursts of joyfulness. You can feel the energy around you changing. Move with that young and fresh energy and get outside. Be aware of everything around you and look for every sign of spring. Feel the freshly cut grass under your feet, the spring breeze through your hair and enjoy to the full. Feel how it comes in and how it touches you and lock spring in your heart. What a wonderful feeling.

 

Creation and innovative ideas

You will find that because of this renewed energy from the sun and experiencing your surroundings, innovative ideas come to you more easily. You see possibilities and are often brimming with inspiration. Go for creation preferably do something with your ideas and freshen up your home for example with a new and fresh coat of paint, or a fresh piece of wallpaper and if you do not have a lot of money to spare, a good clean-up and purification can also be very satisfying. It gives a feeling linked to spring. It is the place for new beginnings, to make all your dreams and goals come true.

 

Benefits of Modern Seasonal Celebrations

The first day of each season is a wonderful opportunity to pause and connect with nature. Seasonal celebrations are affordable, nature-based, and as easy as you want them to be. It is nice to take a time-out from the clock’s relentless march forward occasionally to appreciate what’s happening in the natural world: What the sky looks like, what local wildlife are up to, which birds are hanging out at the neighborhood pond, and whether the leaves are budding, falling, or mulching the gardens.

Seasonal celebrations are also a suitable time to reflect on the lessons the season imparts. Fall teaches us about the inevitability of loss. Winter shows us the importance of inactivity in plants and animal life, darkness, and stillness. Spring shows the possibility of rebirth. And the bounties of summer are endless. Its light, warmth, and lush crops.

Create some spring traditions this year!

What better time than spring to start some new family traditions? Pick activities that you will want to do year after year and ones that will make the day relaxing and special for you and your family.

Decorate your surroundings.

Collect spring flowers, cherry buds, or whatever symbolizes springtime in your family and display them on a mantle or tabletop. Place bouquets of crocuses, daffodils, tulips, or dandelions around the house. so, they wake up to fresh flowers on the first day of spring.

Observe

The days are getting longer. Go outside on the first day of spring to watch the sun rise and set. Find out what time the sun will rise and set where you live. Go on a walk or hike and identify wildflowers if they are already sprouting in your area. Or visit a local farm and see if you can get a glimpse of calves, lambs, or chicks in the barnyard. Gardening season is here! Spend some time planning your springtime garden. Have each family member pick a favorite flower or plant to sow in honor of the first day of spring. Designate a special garden and make a ceremony of it.

Read

And chilly days aren’t over yet, so on these days grab a warm drink and sit down with a great book or a nice magazine. Just reflect the past time and look forward to warmer weather. That brings you in the mood for the weeks to come.

Craft

Easter is part of spring and yes, it is fun to decorate hard-boiled eggs with harmless paint and even if your kids have grown up it gives a great feeling to do something that you love. Release your inner child and enjoy the time doing something with your hands and it is good for your brain to get creative.

 “Do not be afraid. Change is such a beautiful thing,” said the Butterfly.”

The Old Sailor,

 

Having a relationship with a partner with Complex PTSD

 

Dear Bloggers.

 My spouse was the engine of our family and made my life easy for many years by doing all our financial things and a lot in raising our daughters and was a star in cooking and everything that you would love to see in a loving and caring partner and mother. Until 2011 everything was fine when a manager at her job as a Call Centre agent was telling her everyday that she smelled bad. After battling with this issue the company decided to rearrange her to an other team so she could recover from this. In the beginning this looked quite alright until this manager started to manipulate her in the form of gaslighting her mind. And yes he went far by even telling her that she should leave her partner and she was absolutely not worth to be here at all. I found these things out after several years that he had destructed her mentally.

 

The effects of Complex PTSD can disrupt lives and devastate romantic relationships. If your partner is living with this condition, your support can help them heal trauma through treatment. Learn your responsibilities in your romantic partner’s treatment and help them begin the journey to recovery today.

 

We had a fair romantic relationship together, I knew quite some of her past. I knew she had fled her home in the middle of a prolonged and violent relationship several years earlier; aware of her reluctance to talk about her past experiences, I respected her feelings and didn’t press for details. At night, she sometimes alternated between severe nightmares and prolonged bouts of restless sleeplessness. She accused me of hiding secrets from her and claimed she could not trust me and that I was planning to hit her. We lived a romantic and happy life after some time and she was getting used to the fact that not all man are the same and that your partner can be loving and caring.

 

 After many years living together, we decided to get married and however, I became aware that having a steady job was necessary as a part of her present life. I did a lot of small contracts in several businesses and I should find something more stabile for the whole year round. After serving my time in the army I became restless and could not deal with certain kind of people. Which made my life difficult as I needed some adventure and from that point of view I started a job as a waiter on passenger vessel. Not ideal when you are young and in love with the most beautiful woman that you know. In 2009 my career at sea ended due to reorganization in the company I worked for and I was laid off in a good way. The gave me some money to build a new career and I got paid quite well on the dole.

 

I took some time for myself to reflect on my career and what was still a dream for me. And I got my driver’s license for the bus and took off on my new job as bus driver through a temps office. We were a good team together as I was more at home we divided the jobs with the kids and the household jobs. She had build a career as a Call Centre Agent and was hired by the biggest phone company who just had started on internet and television through the internet. She loved her job and was always happy to help customers with their problems during the years the Company was pressing more and more towards targets and numbers. Not always you can solve a problem in five minutes. She was fully focused on fixing it directly. Very service minded towards the costumers care. Until they had totally smashed her brain in the beginning of 2014. She was suffering from things like not being able to pick up the phone and talk in full sentences. The manager she had was a real A-hole and a bastard towards her. It still makes me angry that you can be such a low life to destroy a human being with no reason.

  

 

We went to the doctors office and were send to a psychologist to get professionally help, it turned out that she had a variant of PTSD known as Complex PTSD. While PTSD, a mental illness that causes severe recurring anxiety and fear, may come about as a result of a single traumatic event of relatively brief duration such as a serious accident or a violent assault the trauma that triggers the onset of complex PTSD is prolonged and repeating, lasting for months or years. Examples of such trauma include long-term physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, a lengthy captivity, or, as in my wife’s case, a struggle to survive. Complex PTSD, also known as C-PTSD, is harrowing and devastating for the sufferer; the effects of this condition may also create stress for their romantic partner.

Comprehensive and careful professional treatment for C-PTSD is necessary for recovery. As this condition may create trust issues and inhibit the formation of interpersonal bonds, treatment may also be needed to heal romantic relationships damaged or destroyed by the painful effects of complex PTSD. If someone you love has C-PTSD, your support and empathy can aid in their recovery and repair your strained relationship.

 

Complex PTSD shares a common base of symptoms with PTSD, including flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, and self-destructive thoughts or behaviors. In addition, C-PTSD features a number of symptoms being specific to the condition, including the following:

• Difficulty regulating emotions, which may take the form of severe anger, sadness, or suicidal thoughts.
• Interruptions in consciousness, including periods of dissociation and difficulty recalling events surrounding the trauma.
• Self-perception issues, such as strong feelings of shame, guilt, or helplessness.
• A distorted perception of the perpetrator of the trauma. Those with C-PTSD often have an unhealthy preoccupation with their former tormentor, seeing them as unstoppable and all-powerful. Because someone with C-PTSD likely experienced a trauma in which survival hinged on their interpersonal connection to the perpetrator, they may still be obsessed with that relationship long after the end of the traumatic situation.
• A loss of faith and feelings of hopelessness.
• Difficulties with interpersonal relationships, such as an inability to trust people or a nonstop search for someone to rescue them.

 

Complex PTSD can devastate your Romantic Relationship

If your romantic partner suffers from the effects of complex PTSD, it’s probably taking a heavy toll on their life and well-being in multiple areas. Your romantic relationship may be one of those areas. C-PTSD may make your partner unable to fully trust anyone, even those who are closest to them and that could include you. Your partner may also feel isolated, as though no outsider can understand what they’ve been through; as much as you care about their physical and emotional health and sincerely wish to help them heal.

 

One of the many symptoms of complex PTSD is an ongoing search for a rescuer. During the sustained trauma responsible for creating this condition, your partner may have longed for someone to free them from their situation; even after the traumatic situation has ended, the urgent desire for a rescuer might linger on. If your partner wants you to constantly perform the role of their savior, it can create a strain on your dynamic. While you may find such behavior unsettling or confusing, it’s important to always treat your romantic partner with trust, patience, and understanding.

Professional treatment for complex PTSD takes much the same form as treatment programs for other forms of PTSD, although the symptoms unique to C-PTSD are addressed as well. The intention of treatment is to restore power to the traumatized individual to mitigate the damaging effects of the symptoms and help them reconnect with their everyday life.

If someone you love is receiving treatment for complex PTSD, you may be able to aid in their recovery. Make an effort to learn all you can about your partner’s condition the causes, the symptoms, the effects, the treatment and be prepared to approach them with openness, understanding, and a lack of judgment.

 When your romantic partner has C-PTSD, helping them recover will require empathy, compassion, and gentle support. With your active participation in their professional treatment, you’ll be able to strengthen your romantic bond and help your partner through the healing process.

 

The Old Sailor,

 

when falling in love is a strange part of life

Dear Bloggers,

In my younger years I haven't been the greatest Casanova. I was not a very quiet person and I can be funny sometimes but as soon it came to the feelings thing something made me insecure and yes I spoke my mind and not always in the best way. Some moments I was pretty drunk and other moments I could be shy or absolutely not being focused on the signals. Somehow I managed to miss out a lot of these occasions and yes some them were really pretty. Anyway I ended up in a couple of relationships and with all these girls I was absolutely serious. I simply could not stop that particular loving feeling and my whole world got different on those moments. It feels like your brain is spinning and I could not get enough of it.

The second time you fall in love with someone, you’re going to feel so relieved. When you got your heart broken for the first time, you can’t imagine loving someone else again or having someone else loving you. You worry about your ex girlfriend finding love before you do, and of course they did. You worried about the fact that you will end up being damaged goods. And then it happens. Someone else loves you and you can sleep well again at night.

The second time you fall in love with someone, it’s going to feel different. The first time felt like a dream almost. You were untouched, untainted by anyone. You accepted love with wide open arms and desperation. “Love me, love me, love me!” So you did. And then it fell apart and left you shocked to the core. You realized that people could be cruel and break your heart into a million peaces. You realized that people could stop meaning the sweet things they said to you just yesterday. So when you go into it again, you’re going to keep in mind everything that you’ve learned. You’re going to say, “Love me, love me, love me…until you don’t. In which case, I would like some advance warning. Thanks!”

The second time you fall in love with someone, you’re going to compare it to your first love. That’s okay. That’s natural. You’re going to be studying the new love with judgement and awareness. “My ex never liked fast food. Why the hell does this one eat so much fries and burgers?!” Discovering that you have the ability to love multiple people who are different and feel different is initially very shocking. Loving an unfamiliar body will leave you disoriented and make you feel the need of a map. That’s okay too. That’s to be expected. Just ask the new love for directions. Otherwise you might do somethings wrong and get lost in a frustrating swamp of emotional trouble.

The second or even a third time you fall in love with someone, you’re going to suffer from a truckload of amnesia. You’re going to poke and prod at your lover’s body and be like, “Wait, how do I do this again? How do I love you? What is happening to my brain it's getting totally into the mixed up mode again. I think it starts with us having a moment together in some pub or cafe having a coffee or tea, right?” It’s going to feel scary at first. Falling in love is sort of like riding a horse though. You never really forget.

This second time you’ll be a more sane person. Your first love is when you get all of your insanity out. You behave like an insane monster because your mind is freaking out about all these new powerful feelings. These bloody hormones are gearing up in your body and the butterflies in your stomach are untamable.
By the second time, however, you have an idea of what works and what doesn’t. It’s by no means perfect. The insanity will make a comeback at some point. “Peek a boo. I’m here! Hope you didn’t forget about me!” But you can usually shoo it away after a while. At least that is what you're hoping for. 

At the third time you should be a trained professional and your heart has some scars from former loves and you are wearing the medals of this battlefield called love. When you fall in love with someone, you will learn on the way and with a second or third lover you hopefully have better sex. This is pure my opinion so do not pin me down on this.

Anyway no matter if it is the first, second or third one that you fall in love with someone it will still be exciting and new, you might even talk about moving in together or marriage. At a certain moment it will start feeling more “adult.” You have no idea what adult love actually is but you think it involves making a cup of tea for each other in the morning and giving her breakfast in bed as it feels like something romantic. maybe even getting a place of our own with a dog and some cats. 

This is how you start of making a happy family home. I got settled with the fourth person I fell in love with, the other three left me with a broken heart and mixed feelings about if it would be all worth it, because that’s what you do! The first person I was in love with would never have stayed with me as she never ever really fell in love with me.

The fourth time will not be the first time. The first time is an insane magical life gift that you can never reclaim. But that’s okay. The second time is more real anyway. The third time can involve some amazing love. And the fourth time is still going strong for already twenty three years in a row. It is the best one I ever had and I am still in love the flame is still burning.

The Old Sailor,

They call me an old sea dog.

Dear Bloggers,

As most of my readers will know that I have been a sailor for more than 13 years and yes I loved my job and my family was happy with what i was doing. Although the last period was pretty though as I developed fibromyalgia and a few years later I was diagnosed with diabetics what has fucked up my life even more. 

If you had three guesses you’d still never get my job. Not because that I don't look like a sailor, but because I look exactly like a sailor you’d think it must be something else. Yes I have the muscled, tattooed forearms, folded across my substantial torso; 

No I am not having the neatly-clipped, old sea dog approved, snow white beard and moustache; Yes my hairs are grey and clipped short as a navy short-cut and when I have one eye glaring and one partly closed looking towards the sun, like I am the captain on the bridge, and yes when I am on to it I have a voice like a foghorn, a voice so penetrating it could stop a polar bear, a bar fight, or maybe even both.

Passengers my friends, that’s your real bitch of a cargo,’ What they bring on to get something for free. ‘Metaphoric, you see. they’ll suck the juice right out of you.’ You just can snap your fingers, to demonstrate either the speed or the sound you’d make, I’m not sure. But all off sudden you are in a fully hazardous environment

 ‘Mind you, American passengers ‘ain’t such a walk in the park, neither. That was one time I was almost a letter home. There ‘ain’t any room for error in between when you’re embark and disembarking them. We were sailing with giant heart attack risks when it came down to it. You did your calculations right, though, you focused – and you’d make it through. And the living was good. Must’ve been. I did it 13 years or a bit more.’

Unfortunately I had to lose my sea legs until the day of today, though not through rum or cannon shot or a collision, as you might think, but by other, less exotic means.

‘Damn health bloody diabetics. Bloody’ useless,’ I would say, I am struggling to maintain my weight or to even get it down a couple of kilogrammes. You can see that I lost a great part of power on my arms. ‘Ask the wife, she’ll tell you. I’m not good for nothing no more but chumming overboard.’

My wife Trientsje oversees the whole situation, telling me to be quiet, putting all my medication and other necessaries neatly into the daily containers, making arrangements for the next few days, giving instructions and making notes in my cell phone.

‘Now don’t go upsetting anyone,’ she says, kissing him on the head. ‘They’re doing their best. Don’t go annoying anyone with your endless stories. And don’t forget your reading glasses.’ ‘No dear,’ and ‘Yes, dear.’ Then: ‘I tell yer what, mate. I’ve seen a typhoon chew up a ship and spit it out again in the Pacific Ocean, but I’d rather stand on the deck of that with nuthin’ but me thumb up me arse than get on the wrong side of my wife.’ 

I am leaving the house and go of to work. I am happy to do my new job on the commuter bus but I still miss the life at sea. The people that I have met out there are all special to me. Not that everyone is liking each other but to me they were like a family.

The Old Sailor,

An old fairy tale in a modern jacket

Dear Bloggers,

During the my wanderings through my funny mind.

I wanted to put an old fairy tale into a modern form. 

Everyone knows the sad story of the girl with the matches. 

As a young bloke this story made me cry and I realized that not everyone is 

that lucky in this life, some have to live under harsh conditions

This is my version of it. I wish everyone a warm and loving Christmas time.

It was a frigid cold night outside on the streets of downtown Groningen City, the coldest night of the year in fact. It was Christmas Eve and all along the littered and paved road were buildings with warm glows coming from the windows of the apartment buildings. Everyone was happily celebrating the Christmas spirit with glasses of brandy or a beer and a typical Christmas movie on their televisions. The snow fell down fast and thick, blanketing the sidewalks in a soft but chill powder. The snow ploughs would have quite a job clearing all the walkways and roads in the morning.

A public service bus emblazoned with Groningens famous grey and red dotted pattern managed to find a vacant spot along the side of the busy street and parallel parked, coming to a stop. The back passenger door opened and a man in a dark trench coat and dark hat shoved a young girl onto the unploughed sidewalk. The bloke threw a box at her, revealing quite a large stock of packaged cigarettes. “Now, I don’t wanna see you back on my doorstep until every last pack of smokes has been sold, you got that kid?” the owner of the hat yelled harshly. The girl sighed and shivered as the wind tore through her thin jacket and ragged jeans.

“Yeah, alright! I’ll sell ‘em!” she snapped back, thoroughly irritated with her big brother doing this to her again. He had sent her out in the frigid cold every night this week to sell those disgusting cigarettes his buddies smuggled in from other countries. She had gotten quite ill from her late-night job and even now, her eyes were streaming and her nose was dripping terribly. Her lungs felt about three sizes too small for her body and every now and then, she would be plagued with a wracking cough that left her gasping for air.

Of course, her brother would not take her to the hospital. He didn’t want to waste his precious money that she earned for him on something as trivial and unimportant as medical care. The bus slowly took off again and got out of sight again, leaving the sick young girl of about twelve years by herself on the streets of Groningen City.

She wore no gloves and her sneakers had holes in them that allowed the snow to soak through and freeze her toes. Her jacket was too ragged and thin to wear in March, let alone late December. Pulling the thin fabric tighter around her scarf-less neck, she put her head down and trudged her way through the bitter cold snow, being jostled back and forth by busy Groningers who were in too much of a hurry to notice her.

Finding a rather busy intersection, with bustling traffic all around her, the girl decided to advertise the cigarettes there. Placing the box in front of her on the ground and pulling out a brightly coloured, freshly wrapped package, she cleared her aching throat and shouted out. “Get your cigarettes here! Fresh, smooth cigarettes with a new mint flavour! Only three fifty a pack! A great low price!” she yelled out, displaying the carton as high up as she could to grab people’s attention. A few passing folks bought a package or two, but most just turned their heads and kept walking without a word. She had only sold four packages of cigarettes and needed to sell the entire box full before returning to her brother.

A bout of severe coughing caught the young girl by surprise. Doubled over, she hacked and spluttered until she thought she may vomit right there on the pavement. Luckily, the feeling passed although she was left gasping for breath, hands on her knees at the intersection. Of course, the bustling Groningers walking past paid no attention to her. The suffering of a little girl was no concern of theirs.

Wiping her runny eyes that were now mixed with hot, salty tears, the girl shook her head to shake the snow out of her hair. “Forget this! This is dumb!” she muttered to herself angrily, giving the box of cigarettes a good kick, leaving a sizable dent in the soggy cardboard. Picking up the box and continuing to walk down the street, she had to bite her lip to stop from crying out in pain. She was so cold she couldn’t feel her toes or her fingers and she was aching all over from the beating her brother had given her the day before for coming home with no profit.

“Psst! Hey, kid! You got some smokes there?” the voice of a homeless man wafted out from an alley. The young girl was not afraid of street people. Most of them were usually kind enough to spare an encouraging word or a few extra scraps of food when she made her rounds. She nodded and stepped forward. “Yeah, but I can’t give ‘em to you for free or else my brother will beat me,” she told him apologetically. The homeless man waved a hand as if to brush off her words.

“Ah, that’s okay kid. I got some matches though. Care to trade a pack of smokes for some matches?” he asked, pulling out a small handful. The girl was about to apologize once more and say that her brother would hit her for trading any of the cigarettes when a thought struck her. The matches would provide some kind of warmth for her numb fingers. Unable to resist, the girl eagerly nodded and traded the homeless man for the matches. “Thanks, kid. You’re alright,” the man complimented her, walking away with his new treasure.

Taking the man’s place in the dark alley, the girl struck one of the matches against the rough brick of the building beside her. Thankfully, the match wasn’t wet and a small fire glowed brightly in front of her eyes. Looking up, the young girl witnessed the most amazing sight. Before her lay her old living room from when her mother had been alive, decorated lavishly for the holidays. A gleaming pine tree covered in twinkling lights and tinsel shone magnificently and presents were laid underneath, covered in festive wrapping paper as a roaring fire spread its warmth throughout the room. As the girl reached out to touch her surroundings, the flame of the match flickered and died out; leaving her once again in one of Groningen City’s many dark and frighteningly cold alleys.

With a cry of fear she desperately struck another match. This time, she was in her old dining room, also decorated for Christmas and the table groaning under the weight of all the delicious food upon it. Roasted turkey with cranberry sauce and gravy, mashed potatoes, wine and eggnog all freshly made by her mother. The scent made the girl’s mouth water, but again the vision did not last and with the death of the match’s flame, came reality once more.

Just one more… the girl thought to herself hopefully, again striking a third match. Rather than seeing visions of her old home with food and decorations made by her deceased mother, she saw her mother before her. She was alive and well, looking healthy and jubilant. She smiled warmly at her daughter, holding her arms out to embrace her. Sobbing with joy, the girl frantically lit the rest of the matches she had, not wanting the image of her mother to fade away like the others had. “Mom! Mom, take me with you! Don’t leave me again, mom!” she wept.

“Come. I’m taking you with me, where you will never be sad or cold or hungry again. We will be together forever,” her mother’s sweet, gentle voice called out calmly to her. Smiling through her tears, the girl ran into her mother’s arms and they were floating higher and higher. As they ascended, the young girl could feel all her sadness, loneliness, hunger, and cold fade away, leaving her in a state of bliss as she embraced her mother. She would never feel these things again.

The morning rush hour traffic on the first day after Christmas was brought to a standstill as police tape surrounded a snowy alley. A female officer leaned over the body of a little girl, surrounded by lit matches and a box of cigarettes nearby. She cleared her throat and spoke into the walkie-talkie attached to her breast pocket. “We seem to have a Jane Doe here, approximately ten to thirteen years old; seems like she froze to death last night. We’ll have her at the coroner’s by midday. Over,” she told another officer. The officer sighed and shook her head. “Poor kid. Probably she was just trying to keep herself warm.”

Light a candle in these dark days for those who are no longer with us,

but somewhere up there waiting for us. And when our time has come 

to exchange the earthly to the afterlife. 

Whatever you believe and no matter who you are. 

Just remember Love conquers all. 

The Old Sailor,