When Trauma takes over your Brain

Dear Bloggers,

First of all let me begin I wish you a happy 2025.

New Year's Eve hasn't been much of a celebration for me for more than a decade now, because my partner has severe problems dealing with fireworks and this usually degenerates into a trip in the car to escape the light and noise. At some point it becomes too intense and we flee the village where we live.

The high screeching of some fireworks causes anxiety and panic attacks because the brain can no longer process it. So I can't take stitches by having a drink for example. And no don't get me wrong we also enjoy the beautiful colors of ornamental fireworks. And even though my spouse's brain gets overstimulated she too finds it beautiful to watch. We try to enjoy it every year by watching it and hoping it will go well this year.

Trauma, something that can be caused in an instant and with all its consequences. Trauma can be life-changing. But what exactly is this? What are its consequences and how does it relate to Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder? In this article you will read what trauma means, the similarities and differences with PTSD and how trauma-related symptoms can be seen in relation to PTSD.

Trauma

The word “trauma” is often used to indicate that someone has experienced an event that has not yet been properly processed, causing someone to suffer from it in everyday life. Sometimes it is a single event, such as a fire, accident, death, rape or robbery. This is called single trauma. When there has been a series of traumatic events (for example, sexual abuse, assault, bullying, medical procedures) it is called multiple trauma.

A traumatic event can cause intense symptoms. Often the memory forces itself on you, while you are trying so hard not to think about it. This can take the form of nightmares or re-experiences, among other things. The memory brings intense anxiety and stress, which makes you try to avoid anything that might bring that memory back to the surface. Continuously elevated stress levels make you irritable, overly alert or startle easily. You have many complex thoughts and you no longer enjoy the things you used to enjoy. Because everywhere, someone is lurking on you who wants to harm you. Recurrent and intrusive memories, startle reactions, avoidance and intense emotions after a traumatic event are appropriate for post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD.

PTSD or Autism

Autism and PTSD are two completely different things, but there are several similarities in their manifestation. This makes there a risk of misdiagnosis (for example, PTSD instead of autism, or vice versa) or missing one of the diagnoses even though both are present.

One well-known commonality is stimulus sensitivity. Both people with autism and people with PTSD are extra sensitive to stimuli. Fear of loud noises or finding physical touch unpleasant are well-known hypersensitivities that occur frequently in both diagnoses.

Other similarities include rigidity and social withdrawal. Also, symptoms such as sleep problems, gloominess and anxiety are common in both diagnoses.

Some of the difference is in the nature of the symptoms. For example, sensitivity to stimuli in PTSD is often linked to stimuli reminiscent of the trauma, whereas in autism there is a more general sensitivity to stimuli. Another example is that sleep problems in autism are more likely to arise from overstimulation, difficulty with transition or a lack of structure, and in PTSD it is mainly from nightmares or fears. It is therefore incredibly important in diagnosis to look beyond the symptoms and have an eye for underlying processes.

Another difference can be seen in the duration of the symptoms. With autism we assume that it is congenital and symptoms can therefore already be seen in (early) childhood. PTSD you can develop at any time in your life, so a clear difference can usually be seen in functioning before and after the traumatic event. Unfortunately, there are also those who experienced (multiple) trauma in early childhood, making this difference more difficult to discern. Again, a careful diagnostic process is in order

All your knowledge and memories with associated thoughts and feelings, are stored in so called drawers and your brain is a kind of chest of drawers. You can compare this to your computer: all your documents and images with information are stored in folders, so they don't disappear as soon as you close it.

When you need information from a folder, this folder opens in your brain. For example: you are at work. The “work” folder is then open because you need this knowledge to do your job. Ideally, this folder closes when you go home again. But if you are still mulling over your work, for example, the folder remains open. Or you talk about what you did that day at home, which also requires the folder to be opened again.

What we often see with autism is that a folder remains open when associated things are not clear, logical or unfinished. You keep having thoughts about the subject and it is not easy to let it go (i.e. close the folder).

Thus, a drawer in your head may also remain open that has to do with a loss or a drastic event. As a result, you keep thinking about it. You may also be experiencing the feelings you had during the loss or major event over and over again.

Because the folder remains open, you may experience symptoms appropriate to stalled grief or PTSD. The difference between open folders and stagnant grief or PTSD is that the core problem is not the disturbed processing, but the inability to puzzle all the pieces of information into a logical and meaningful whole.

 

Wrong links

During the processing of stimuli in your brain, information that belongs together is categorized and transported together. However, it can happen that pieces of information are transported further together when they don't actually belong together. This is what I call a wrong document in the wrong drawer, and this makes retrieval a lot more difficult. There is a piece of information missing for the linking together.

 A simple example of this is not eating food that once made you feel sick. Suppose you ate fish one evening, after which you became ill that same evening-a severe allergic reaction in my case. Your brain can then link the piece of information about eating fish in general to the piece of information about getting sick. The result is that every time you think about eating fish, say because someone suggests going to a seafood restaurant, that linkage pops up. You probably won't get another bite down your throat because you're afraid it will make you sick again. And even though rationally you may know that that need not be the case (because possibly you happened to have bad or the wrong fish that night, which says nothing about all the other kinds of fish, or the getting sick had nothing to do with it and it was coincidental that it followed each other), I no longer get nauseous at the idea of eating fish. Just having it researched what you can and cannot eat and then that does feel like truth.

Everyone's brain makes these mismatches from time to time, including the brains of neurotypical people. However, the likelihood of a mismatch in autism is higher, because in the autistic brain information comes in fragmented (i.e. in separate pieces a kind of dustpan and brush effect. All the pieces are there but in a shattered order).

Now the link between a specific type of food and getting sick is not a world catastrophe, but it can just happen to create a link that has much bigger implications for your daily life. An example: during an evening walk, fireworks were set off. In your startle reaction you heard a high whistling sound which gave you even more panic also the flashes of light all around gave excessive excitement and as soon as you hear a bang you want to crawl away. Since then you feel intense fear when you hear bangs outside or if someone just after New Year's Eve someone sets off a piece of fireworks.

So a mismatch can come up when confronting some of the information (that could be seen as a trigger, reasoned from PTSD), with the accompanying conclusion, which can include intense and negative emotions. As a result, mismatch is very similar to a trauma-related disorder. For that matter, it can also be very similar to an anxiety disorder. Again, the difference here lies in the core of the problem: It is not about the disrupted processing (or about fear thoughts after conditioning, if we take a side trip to anxiety disorders), but about information stored in the brain as a mismatch. Thereby, in the case of mismatch, other PTSD symptoms are not present.

Do you recognize yourself in the above article? Then do not hesitate to seek help. For this you can contact your family doctor.

“We have calcium in our bones, iron in our veins, carbon in our souls, and nitrogen in our brains. 93 percent stardust, with souls made of flames, we are all just stars that have people names.” {qoute by Nikita Gill} 

The Old Sailor,

 

Selling your home can be pretty stressful

 

Dear Bloggers,

 Yes we are moving again and our house is for sale at the current time. And no we did not find a new place yet although we are having a Plan B to live somewhere in a holiday park for the time in between homes. We did a lot of work to make it our forever home and yes we succeeded pretty much. There are some points that still need attention for example the bathroom needs to be redone to make things more into todays color schemes. That is something for the new owners to do. Our house

 

Our current home is for sale 

Selling a home can be stressful from start to finish. There's so much riding on a home sale that many homeowners spend the time selling their home sitting "on pins and needles," as they say. It's hard not to worry. From the moment that a home is put up for sale, homeowners must ask themselves: what will we do if the home doesn't sell for enough money? What if it takes to long sell? These questions and concerns are valid.

 

Everything outside the house was freshly painted last year by my wife

Fortunately, there are things that you can do to make the home selling process go more smoothly. If you're a homeowner who would like to sell your home sometime in the coming months, you can make the process easier on yourself by working with a professional real estate agent. Below, I've listed the top 10 stressors that homeowners experience when trying to sell their home.

The new staircase was installed

Selling Within the Timeframe

Most homeowners need to sell their home on a deadline. If they can't sell their home by the time their new job begins, or by the time they've started to pay the mortgage on their new property, they could experience hardship that could lead to loss of money. Homes tend to sell quickly at certain times of the year. Putting the house up for sale at a time of year when buyers are looking can help the home sell faster. Homeowners can also help their home sell more quickly by pricing the house right.

 

New powerlines, telephone, gas and also the sewagepipes were renewed

A house that is priced too high for its worth could take a long time to attract the right buyer, and may never attract the right buyer if it remains priced too high. Incorrect pricing can be avoided by working with a real estate professional who understands the real estate market in the area and who knows how to analyze the prices of comparable homes in the area.

 

Selling for the Desired Price

Most home sellers have a target price they're aiming for when they put their house on the market. They often feel anxiety when they wonder what will happen if they don't sell their home for the right price. When an offer comes in below the expected price, this can create feelings of hesitation. Do they accept the offer or not? This is another reason to work with a real estate professional who knows how to analyze the price of comparable homes in the area. 

The rebuilding of the garage after being on fire as the powerlines were not installed according to standards. everything inside was burned. 

A capable real estate professional can help set expectations so homeowners know what to expect when they put their home on the market. Although a real estate professional is not able to predict the future, they can often help homeowners decide what price is realistic, so hopefully the homeowner won't be expecting a price that is much higher than it should be.

 

Handling Home Improvements & Home Selling Preparation

Homeowners often feel a lot of pressure to make their house look "perfect" without really knowing what buyers want. They often put effort into home improvements without knowing whether those improvements will pay off.

 

Homeowners can assuage these concerns by setting up a consultation with their real estate professional before listing their home. Their real estate professional can give them advice that can help them decide what home improvements are most important to do now.

 

The garden has been finished and landscaped this year a costful operation

Fear of Offers Falling Through

Once an offer does come through, it takes a while before the home is officially sold. During that time, the offer can always fall through. Homeowners who are in a hurry to sell their home quickly often feel anxiety that they will not be able to stop the offer from falling apart. A good real estate professional can help with any negotiations that could prevent the home sale from falling apart. An experienced negotiator can help keep buyers interested. Even if their enthusiasm for the home buying process begins to wane.

All the walls have been redone as the former owners only lived here for 40+ Years

Timing the Sale of the Home with the Purchase of a New One

Selling a home and buying a home at the same time can be an especially touchy process. Usually, home sellers want to sell the home shortly before the purchase of their new home is final. Home sellers often feel worry that their home will either sell too soon before the purchase of their new home, or that their home will take a long time to sell after their new home has been bought. Both situations can lead to financial hardship for the homeowner. Homeowners who want to time the sale of their new home purchase properly should work with an experienced real estate professional for both the sale of their old home and the purchase of their new home. Having a partner who can help them at both ends of the transaction can help with the timing.

We had to put in a new kitchen as well as the wooden floor was in that bad condition that you actually could fall through. We now have foam concrete floor with underfloor heating. Best decission i made

Anxiety Over the Unknowns in the Selling Process & Timeline

Lack of control over the selling process and timeline can make some homeowners feel like they're out of control generally, which can lead to overall feelings of anxiety. Homeowners who feel anxiety over the home selling process and timeline should write down a list of questions for their real estate professional at the start of the home selling process to help them feel like they know what to expect throughout the transaction. It's important to find a real estate agent who is a good communicator, who can help the home seller understand what's happening throughout the home selling process. Most home sellers have a greater feeling of control over the selling process if they know what to anticipate every step of the way.

Our diningroom and coffee kitchen counter we had plenty to remodel this to our home.

Being Unsure if Buyers are Interested

Sometimes when a house sits on the market for a long time, home sellers may become concerned that buyers are not interested in their house. This can happen for many reasons. If the house is priced incorrectly, or if the house is not in good condition, then buyers can be hard to bring to the table. Often, sellers find it hard to believe that their home is not attractive to buyers. Sellers expect their house to be attractive to buyers because it is attractive to the sellers. This kind of perspective can make it difficult for sellers to make their home more appealing to buyers. Sometimes, painting a room can be helpful. Other times, the house needs to be repriced. For home sellers, the best way to attract buyers is to work with a real estate professional who can make recommendations for repairs or changes that can bring buyers running.

 

The bathroom stayed in her retro look all the pipes have been checked by a pro, so everything is functional but out of date. 

Handling Negotiations with Buyers

Negotiating with buyers is one of the key parts of selling a home, but many homeowners have little or no experience selling much of anything. This makes negotiating with buyers stressful because most home sellers feel unprepared and unable to handle the negotiations themselves. The best thing that home sellers can do to negotiate with their buyers is to work with a trustworthy real estate professional. It's also important to listen to that real estate professional as they often give advice to sellers. However, it is the seller who is ultimately in control of many of the actions that the real estate professional takes when trying to sell the house. Working together as a team, the real estate professional and home seller can help make the negotiating process better overall.

 

Our backyard and garage we loved to sit outside during the summertime

Difficulty Keeping the Home Clean for Showings

Sometimes, it takes several home showings before a buyer makes an offer on a home. In between those tours and showings, home sellers often spend hours cleaning and staging their house. This can lead to wasted time, stress over keeping the house looking its best, and even fights among people in the household as everyone feels pressure to keep their house looking its best.

For many homeowners, the solution to staging and preparing the house between home showings is to have the house professionally cleaned on a regular basis. Some homeowners will even hire landscapers to cut their grass, water their plants and weed their garden to boost curb appeal. Having professional resources on hand can help reduce the anxiety out of maintaining a home.

 

The Masterbedroom Which is for Dutch standards not to bad.

It's also helpful to work with a real estate professional. A capable and skilled real estate professional can make recommendations that can help homeowners know where to direct their energy when staging their home. This can help homeowners feel some sense of relief that, even if their home is not in perfect condition when home buyers come to see the home, the house is still tailored to the needs and tastes of home buyers. This can help make the experience of preparing for home showings and tours easier overall.

Getting Out of the House for Showings

During tours and open houses, the homeowner leaves their home open for anyone who wants to come in and take a look at their possessions. For some homeowners, doing this can be very challenging. Leaving the home open for anyone to wander in means making the house vulnerable to scrutiny and perhaps even security concerns. This is not easy for some homeowners.

 There are many things that home sellers can do to assuage their own concerns. To begin with, listening to their real estate professional about staging tactics can leave the house seeming less vulnerable overall. Most staging tactics involve putting away personal items that would make the home seem a little less generic and a little more intimate. Not only does this make the house more secure, but it can also lead to bigger offers from home buyers.

In addition, it's also important to work with a real estate professional who will keep a watch over the belongings in the house while the house is being toured by potential buyers. This helps keep the items safe and can even help keep the house itself safe.

 

Our garage and our backyard seen from the sidewalk

Work with a Real Estate Professional

When the time comes to sell your home, the most important thing you can do to make the home selling process easier overall is to work with a real estate professional. Your real estate professional can help you by providing advice and guidance throughout the home selling process, interacting with potential buyers, and by serving as your guide while the house is being sold. 

 

An impression of our groundfloor done by our real estate professionals people

In most of the cases that I know as we have been viewing some new homes for many sellers "...it would make sense to step aside for a little fresh air and let the professionals do their magic."

By working with a real estate professional, you can alleviate much of the anxiety you might feel while the selling process is taking place.

The Old Sailor,

 

 

Having a relationship with a partner with Complex PTSD

 

Dear Bloggers.

 My spouse was the engine of our family and made my life easy for many years by doing all our financial things and a lot in raising our daughters and was a star in cooking and everything that you would love to see in a loving and caring partner and mother. Until 2011 everything was fine when a manager at her job as a Call Centre agent was telling her everyday that she smelled bad. After battling with this issue the company decided to rearrange her to an other team so she could recover from this. In the beginning this looked quite alright until this manager started to manipulate her in the form of gaslighting her mind. And yes he went far by even telling her that she should leave her partner and she was absolutely not worth to be here at all. I found these things out after several years that he had destructed her mentally.

 

The effects of Complex PTSD can disrupt lives and devastate romantic relationships. If your partner is living with this condition, your support can help them heal trauma through treatment. Learn your responsibilities in your romantic partner’s treatment and help them begin the journey to recovery today.

 

We had a fair romantic relationship together, I knew quite some of her past. I knew she had fled her home in the middle of a prolonged and violent relationship several years earlier; aware of her reluctance to talk about her past experiences, I respected her feelings and didn’t press for details. At night, she sometimes alternated between severe nightmares and prolonged bouts of restless sleeplessness. She accused me of hiding secrets from her and claimed she could not trust me and that I was planning to hit her. We lived a romantic and happy life after some time and she was getting used to the fact that not all man are the same and that your partner can be loving and caring.

 

 After many years living together, we decided to get married and however, I became aware that having a steady job was necessary as a part of her present life. I did a lot of small contracts in several businesses and I should find something more stabile for the whole year round. After serving my time in the army I became restless and could not deal with certain kind of people. Which made my life difficult as I needed some adventure and from that point of view I started a job as a waiter on passenger vessel. Not ideal when you are young and in love with the most beautiful woman that you know. In 2009 my career at sea ended due to reorganization in the company I worked for and I was laid off in a good way. The gave me some money to build a new career and I got paid quite well on the dole.

 

I took some time for myself to reflect on my career and what was still a dream for me. And I got my driver’s license for the bus and took off on my new job as bus driver through a temps office. We were a good team together as I was more at home we divided the jobs with the kids and the household jobs. She had build a career as a Call Centre Agent and was hired by the biggest phone company who just had started on internet and television through the internet. She loved her job and was always happy to help customers with their problems during the years the Company was pressing more and more towards targets and numbers. Not always you can solve a problem in five minutes. She was fully focused on fixing it directly. Very service minded towards the costumers care. Until they had totally smashed her brain in the beginning of 2014. She was suffering from things like not being able to pick up the phone and talk in full sentences. The manager she had was a real A-hole and a bastard towards her. It still makes me angry that you can be such a low life to destroy a human being with no reason.

  

 

We went to the doctors office and were send to a psychologist to get professionally help, it turned out that she had a variant of PTSD known as Complex PTSD. While PTSD, a mental illness that causes severe recurring anxiety and fear, may come about as a result of a single traumatic event of relatively brief duration such as a serious accident or a violent assault the trauma that triggers the onset of complex PTSD is prolonged and repeating, lasting for months or years. Examples of such trauma include long-term physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, a lengthy captivity, or, as in my wife’s case, a struggle to survive. Complex PTSD, also known as C-PTSD, is harrowing and devastating for the sufferer; the effects of this condition may also create stress for their romantic partner.

Comprehensive and careful professional treatment for C-PTSD is necessary for recovery. As this condition may create trust issues and inhibit the formation of interpersonal bonds, treatment may also be needed to heal romantic relationships damaged or destroyed by the painful effects of complex PTSD. If someone you love has C-PTSD, your support and empathy can aid in their recovery and repair your strained relationship.

 

Complex PTSD shares a common base of symptoms with PTSD, including flashbacks, nightmares, anxiety, and self-destructive thoughts or behaviors. In addition, C-PTSD features a number of symptoms being specific to the condition, including the following:

• Difficulty regulating emotions, which may take the form of severe anger, sadness, or suicidal thoughts.
• Interruptions in consciousness, including periods of dissociation and difficulty recalling events surrounding the trauma.
• Self-perception issues, such as strong feelings of shame, guilt, or helplessness.
• A distorted perception of the perpetrator of the trauma. Those with C-PTSD often have an unhealthy preoccupation with their former tormentor, seeing them as unstoppable and all-powerful. Because someone with C-PTSD likely experienced a trauma in which survival hinged on their interpersonal connection to the perpetrator, they may still be obsessed with that relationship long after the end of the traumatic situation.
• A loss of faith and feelings of hopelessness.
• Difficulties with interpersonal relationships, such as an inability to trust people or a nonstop search for someone to rescue them.

 

Complex PTSD can devastate your Romantic Relationship

If your romantic partner suffers from the effects of complex PTSD, it’s probably taking a heavy toll on their life and well-being in multiple areas. Your romantic relationship may be one of those areas. C-PTSD may make your partner unable to fully trust anyone, even those who are closest to them and that could include you. Your partner may also feel isolated, as though no outsider can understand what they’ve been through; as much as you care about their physical and emotional health and sincerely wish to help them heal.

 

One of the many symptoms of complex PTSD is an ongoing search for a rescuer. During the sustained trauma responsible for creating this condition, your partner may have longed for someone to free them from their situation; even after the traumatic situation has ended, the urgent desire for a rescuer might linger on. If your partner wants you to constantly perform the role of their savior, it can create a strain on your dynamic. While you may find such behavior unsettling or confusing, it’s important to always treat your romantic partner with trust, patience, and understanding.

Professional treatment for complex PTSD takes much the same form as treatment programs for other forms of PTSD, although the symptoms unique to C-PTSD are addressed as well. The intention of treatment is to restore power to the traumatized individual to mitigate the damaging effects of the symptoms and help them reconnect with their everyday life.

If someone you love is receiving treatment for complex PTSD, you may be able to aid in their recovery. Make an effort to learn all you can about your partner’s condition the causes, the symptoms, the effects, the treatment and be prepared to approach them with openness, understanding, and a lack of judgment.

 When your romantic partner has C-PTSD, helping them recover will require empathy, compassion, and gentle support. With your active participation in their professional treatment, you’ll be able to strengthen your romantic bond and help your partner through the healing process.

 

The Old Sailor,