Workplace bullying might end up as Complex PTSD

 

Dear Bloggers,

As some of you might know that my wife is suffering from Complex PTSD caused by her managers over a period of three years and then something in her brain just snapped. Since this event she has been in therapy and until today there is no way to cure her fully. This means that there are no opportunities for her to do any kind of job. As there are to many triggers out there and she might be harmful towards other people. Instead of working she is going two mornings in a week to a farm with care for people with mental challenges and she is learning to do some light tasks and learns to ride a horse.

Complex PTSD is a traumatic experience due to workplace bullying or sexual abuse. But as more attention is paid to these kinds of experiences and exactly what they can do to victims, we are beginning to understand more about this condition. And this increased understanding should, in turn, give hope to the hundreds of people who find themselves subjected to workplace bullying every day.

Because the victims of C-PTSD do exhibit some of the same symptoms seen in standard PTSD, it can easily be misdiagnosed. But C-PTSD sufferers also exhibit some other symptoms that are more specific to the condition. These can include difficulties regulating emotions such as prolonged sadness, inability to control your temper or inhibited temper, and even suicidal thoughts. My wife became a victim of workplace bullying by her manager.

Other symptoms of complex PTSD include either forgetting or consistently reliving traumatic events; feeling detached from your own body and thoughts; overwhelming feelings of helplessness, shame, guilt or stigma; a distorted perception of the bully. Workplace bullying is so much more than just making your job more difficult. It is a very real form of abuse that can undermine a person’s entire sense of well-being.

By understanding the realities of C-PTSD, we can begin to break through the wall that surrounds workplace bullying and begin to let victims know that they are not alone and healing is very much possible. It will not work after three years of constant abuse at the certain point you might just snap.

Just an example of what you encounter with a partner with C-PTSD

All of a sudden a loud scream and she is sitting straight up in our bed her heart is pounding, I am fully awake at 2 am. She is totally panic-stricken and consumed with terror in her eyes. And mumbles: “He is throwing me out of a window”.

Our bedroom is quiet. There are no intruders, only our faithful hairy friends Fedde and Heiko are standing on the other side of the bedroom door.

I wonder if her loud screaming has scared any of our children.

After 5 minutes, maybe 10 minutes as I lie in a snoozing mode again, I feel her and she is terrified in our darkened room. I try to decide if I should call a doctor to give her something to calm her down… perhaps I’m having it wrong and is it only just a bad dream. I am both afraid and confused. I know that it is safe in our bedroom, that there is no immediate threat, but her body and emotions are hijacked, and without my consent I find her immersed in past horrifying events.

Thankfully I do know now, from more than 8 years of experience, that a panic attack will eventually pass.

It feels like it’s going to kill her, but it won’t. but her body and emotions are hijacked, and without my consent I find her immersed in past horrifying events. I have to wait it out.

PTSD is typically the result of a specific, horrifying event, Complex PTSD is the consequence of numerous traumatic events, over a longer period of time. CPTSD is frequently caused by childhood abuse and neglect or, in my wife’s case, being trapped for many years in a very abusive workplace.

Complex PTSD and PTSD share symptoms, but there are some symptoms unique to CPTSD. If you are interested in a somewhat detailed list of symptoms for both PTSD and CPTSD, you can scroll to end of this post.

When I look objectively at the symptoms of PTSD and Complex PTSD, I can check off 99% of them (anger isn’t a symptom for her and also low self esteem has never been an issue) but still she tries to live in denial that she has CPTSD… until she is triggered and panicking so badly that she is struggling to speak’

Every morning she is waking up and begins her day with limited emotional energy. Our children are priority so she does everything to work around her limitations with PTSD to be available for them. She carefully plans her day tasks and she is trying to avoid crowds when she has to go to the shop.

One crowded, overwhelming event can sideline her for several days afterwards, so she is choosing her activities carefully, mindful of the probable fallout.

Still, 8 1/2 years after escaping her abusive managers, she still has nightmares and panic attacks. She is having huge gaps in her memories of the past years.

CPTSD is basically an emotional injury ~ an invisible illness. Since it isn’t as tangible as a broken bone I frequently have to remind her that living so much of her life being on “high alert” and in “panic mode” is both emotionally and physically exhausting.

According to my wife: “For me, being triggered causes a level of overwhelm that is very difficult to describe. Research done by PTSD patients has shown that when someone with PTSD is triggered and panics, the right half of the brain “takes over” and the logical, thinking left side of the brain is sometimes almost totally “shuts down.” When this happens to me it becomes almost impossible for me to speak and I can’t think. All I am aware of is the panic and a desperate need to hide. If I were walking with someone else, we would have to stop talking until the truck has passed because there would be no way to hear each other over the noise of the truck. For the minutes that the truck is roaring past, there is only the truck. I am totally consumed by the noise and vibrations of the passing truck. 

I’ve been told repeatedly that in many ways my situation was (and continues to be) somewhat extreme and unique. I am still struggling and doing little steps forward.”

There’s no way around it: PTSD sucks. There are ways that she has improved a lot in the past 8 years though. I can now write about it here on my blog. As horrible as CPTSD is, I want you to know this: there is still joy in the midst of the struggle.

I still laugh with my children. We have so much fun together. Our girls love to make us laugh… it’s become a bit of a competition between them to see who can show the funniest memes each day.

I have been blessed with two Shetland Sheepdogs, one of them is being a service dog for me. They bring all of us so much joy. Truthfully, I am not sure that She’ll ever will totally “conquer” her CPTSD but she is slowly but surely learning to manage it.

Instead of actively working she is trying to learn new ways to heal and better manage the symptoms of PTSD while she embraces her weakness and struggles. Many people do recover from PTSD and even CPTSD. There are numerous healing resources to explore. Perhaps you are also in the thick of PTSD or CPTSD.

CPTSD is a more severe form of Post-traumatic stress disorder. It is delineated from this better known trauma syndrome by five of its most common and troublesome features: emotional flashbacks, toxic shame, self-abandonment, a vicious inner critic and social anxiety.

• CPTSD emotional flashbacks do not typically have a visual component. Emotional flashbacks are sudden and often prolonged regressions to the overwhelming feelings of past abuse/abandonment.
• Fatigue with symptoms of or similar to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome
• Numbness, both physical (toes, fingertips, and lips) and emotional (inability to feel love and joy)
• Clumsiness
• Hyperawareness and an acute sense of time passing, seasons changing, and distances travelled
• Feelings of worthlessness, rejection, a sense of being unwanted, unlikeable and unlovable
• Social isolation, avoidance of relationships
• night terrors, chronic insomnia
• Variations in consciousness, including forgetting traumatic events (i.e. Psychogenic amnesia), reliving experiences (either in the form of intrusive PTSD symptoms or in ruminative preoccupation), or having episodes of dissociation.
• explosive or extremely inhibited anger (may alternate)
• Changes in self-perception, such as a chronic and pervasive sense of helplessness, paralysis of initiative, shame, guilt, self-blame, a sense of defilement or stigma, and a sense of being completely different from other human beings

 

If I could share one thing with you it would be this: please be gentle and take care of  yourself.

The Old Sailor,

Oh no, my computer crashed again.

Dear Bloggers,

If you ever had a total computer system crash, count yourself lucky, because all the gurus say it's not "IF" your computer is going to crash, but "WHEN." Having had three crashes myself over the years, I can confirm that statement. How well you prepare for this inevitability will determine how stressful and costly the crash experience will be.

When my computer’s operating system was fried last week (and not even during the night of Friday the 13th), I braced myself for the stress that was to follow. My computer a laptop was only about three years old and was probably killed accidentally during one of Microsoft's automatic downloads in the middle of the night. The reason given on the "black screen of death" I got the next morning was that perhaps I had temporarily lost my cable Internet connection or the power had failed momentarily during installation of an update or during the reboot. (For that reason, I have now instructed Microsoft to download updates to my computer in the middle of the night, but give me the option of installing them when I choose.)

Not wanting to put any money into a three-year old computer I'd bought refurbished to begin with, I trekked over to Thrift shop the following Tuesday to see what my options were. I was VERY happy to learn that I wasn’t going to be stuck with Vista’s operating system, and that I could buy a LG computer with a free “downgrade” to Windows XP Pro; further that Microsoft would continue to supply critical updates for years to come. (In fact, I was told they are still issuing critical updates for Win 3.1.)

Coming back from a computer crash is going to be stressful, no matter how you carve it. But if you have prepared for a crash by taking steps to insure that you have everything you need to get back up and running as quickly as possible, your stress will be manageable. Then, your primary concern will be the time it's going to take you to shop for a new computer (if necessary) or reformat the drive and begin all over again to reinstall the software programs you normally use, plus all the time it will take to download the latest updates to the operating system, browsers, software, etc. If you use Outlook as your email server, you will need a current .PST backup file containing all your email messages and contacts (see below).

Backing up and Restoring Files

Getting all your documents and files back on the computer again can be easy or difficult, depending on what backup system you use and whether you back up files regularly. The thing that gave me the most comfort when my computer crashed was knowing that all my documents, website files, pictures, music, and programs I had downloaded from the Web but did not have CD-ROMs for were waiting for me on a remote site.

Outlook is the only fly in the ointment (see below). Knowing how to back up Outlook and actually doing it on a regular basis are two different things. It's easy to "forget" to back up Outlook, even when you've got the automatic backup program in place. I get busy and think I'll do it tomorrow, and before I know it, it has been a week or more since my last backup. I was lucky the last time my computer crashed in that I lost only four days' email messages and whatever changes I had made to my Contacts folder in that period. I’m now being very good at backing up Outlook every other day at least, and especially when I’ve got unanswered email messages in the Inbox at the close of day.

Tips for Getting Everything Back Up Again

Before your computer crashes, do these things:

1. MAKE A LIST of all the software programs you have on your computer, which ones you have CDs for, and which ones will have to be downloaded again. And keep all your computer program disks together in a safe place, such as a fireproof file drawer in your office, or in your safe deposit box. (I've been amazed to learn how few computer users actually do this.) If you buy a program that you download and then install from your computer, make SURE you put that .exe file either in a folder that is backed up to a remote location, or on a CD disk to be stored with your other program disks.

Free programs such as Adobe Reader, File Zilla, etc. can always be downloaded from the Web, but you may need a reminder list to remember all that you want to restore. For example, the last time my computer crashed, I had forgotten that I had to download Microsoft’s "backup tool" in order to get the backup option on the FILE button so I could make regular backups of the .PST file. Now that file is in my downloads folder, which is always backed up by Carbonite. (This Web page has the download link to Microsoft's backup tool, along with instructions on how to do regular backups.)

2. Even if you have a current .PST (personal folders file) for your Outlook email and contacts list, you will have to manually set up all your email addresses again. This will be easy to do if you go into the settings for each email address you have now, and then copy that information into a document you can print and save. (Be sure to protect your email passwords; you don’t want them in a document on your computer.) If you regularly archive sent messages, you’ll need to figure out how to save this file and restore it too, as it's not included in the .PST file.

3. Always have a print copy of all your passwords and contact information for everything related to those passwords. If you keep this information only on the computer and you lose access to your hard drive, you’ll really be up the creek without a paddle.

4. Id ther eare some document files you absolutely must have to keep your business going in the event of a major computer crash, put those files on a CD that can be used on another computer. For example, I'm an Amazon Marketplace seller, and I normally include customized cover letters with outgoing orders. When my computer crashed, I could temporarily access my Amazon orders from a computer at the library, but I couldn't include my usual package inserts because I didn't have a CD backup of those important file folders I could use on my laptop.

Know Who to Call When You Need Help

The thought of having to haul the computer to a shop, wait for maybe days to get it back, and then pay big bucks for the repair had me thinking I should just buy a new computer and be done with it, even though my HP Compaq is only three years old. Thankfully, the friend I called for help had recently met a computer guru in my area, and when I called him, he said not to worry; whatever the problem was, he could fix it, and I certainly wouldn't need to buy a new computer.

It took three hours for him to find all the bad stuff (much of which he said was just "Microsoft crap") on my computer. Using several free and very powerful shareware programs, he cleaned my Registry several times as he removed this or that file, ultimately finding 956 Registry errors. After uninstalling my CA Internet Security program and all the files it had left in the Registry (they did reverse my credit card charge without question), he installed a powerful free anti-virus program he said he had used for years with no problems. After doing virus and malware scans and a defrag, my computer was "blazing hot" and my Internet speed had doubled. My printer was also printing pages so fast and with such power that they were almost flying off the rack.

Finally, my new computer friend, installed his powerful computer tools on my computer so now I can easily and very quickly use them to do weekly virus and malware scans of my hard drive and keep the Registry clean. He also installed a defrag program (better than Windows') that runs in the background all the time. He turned on my Windows' firewall program, but agreed that I should download Zone Alarm's more powerful (and free) firewall program for maximum security.

I urge you to look in your own community for the kind of help Al is now giving me and have him "on call" so you'll know where to get fast help when you need it. If you happen to live in the Naperville, Illinois area, visit Al's website. For me, finding him was like getting manna from heaven. I highly recommend his services.

In Summary

If you’ve never had a computer crash before, don’t assume that it can’t happen to you. If my experience is any indication, a computer crash is going to come when you least expect it, and preparing yourself for that inevitability will make all the difference in how stressful and costly the experience will be.

The Old Sailor, 

I had no idea asthma could be fatal.

Dear Bloggers, 

I let my thoughts go when I think up a worst case scenario as my wife is diagnosed with the final stage of Asthma. Something that was told at the doctors office a couple of weeks ago. 

Somehow it is waiting untill things go terribly wrong. I imagine it like this.
At 7.50am, my wife left for work in her car as usual, dropping off our youngest at the day care centre on he way. I had to start earlier and do my rounds with the bus.

She texted me: “Can you take care of diner today?”she tapped.

I phoned her back and we chatted about the plans for that evening. We ended the ­conversation as always by saying: “Love you.”

A couple of minutes later, she was dead.

She’d driven into the side of a lorry after suffering a fatal asthma attack.
For us the rest of the family of four, her death came as a bolt from the blue. Shocking are the  statistics as they show that one person dies from asthma every eight hours.

But a new review, that will investigate the cause of asthma deaths, is hoping to reduce that number to two or three every year so that cases like my wife’s will become few and far between.

The review will ask GPs and ­hospital doctors for information to identify factors leading up to an asthma death, including the ­medication a patient was taking and whether a patient had any attacks in the run-up to their death.

On the morning she dropped our daughter at day care, nothing was out of the ordinary.
“She’d taken her inhalers the night before and in the morning and she didn’t seem unwell,” just an other day. “It was only when her boss at the telecom firm where she worked called me to say that she hadn’t turned up! I really started to worry.

“I knew something terrible had happened because she was if it comes to work she’s ­always punctual. I had a broken shift and I went home during the break, worried sick hoping to find her in bed or something similair.

I rang the police to see if they knew of any accidents but they couldn’t tell me anything. Then, at 10.10am, two police officers turned up at the door.

“They told me there had been a road traffic accident involving my wife. The officers had taken their hats off and said they were really sorry. I knew then she was dead. 

It was like the whole world stopped. I went into ­automatic gear, phoning her workplace to let them know what had happened, then I went to the school to tell the children their mum was dead. It was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”

I never thought asthma would kill her.

She first developed the condition when he was 12 shortly after she went to another school it started being allergic to many things and she got some medication to stop it, when I met her she was 23 years old and her hands were a mess because she was reacting allergic to the Christmas tree. In Januari we bought a fake tree and I took her to her Phd. The evening before she had a severe Asthma attack and her lips turned blue due to the lack of oxygen. Her doctor was a bit hardheaded to admit that this would be asthma. So I pushed him verbally in a corner and he send us of to a specialist. A couple of weeks later she got a better life by having the right doses of medication.

 “We don’t know if this triggered her asthma but from then on she started to take Ventolin and Becotide inhalers,” the lungspecialist says.
As the years passed, She became increasingly prone to chest infections and I have to admit that after the breakdown after having our first child and several miscarriages, she began to smoke 15 cigarettes a day due to a lot of stress.

“She gave up for a while when we expected our second child and no I was not very supportive during those years but then she started smoking again. I was always nagging at her to take her inhalers when she was wheezy but she didn’t always listen.”

Her first wake-up call came in 2011 when she suffered a bout of pneumonia. She spent five days in bed where i still think she should have gone to the hospital. At the time she was taking a Ventolin inhaler and Seretide 250, a steroid preventer ­inhaler. Nothing really worked. After a Prednisolone treatment she recovered.

Her second bout came in February this year, when she had an attack of coughing syncope, a ­violent coughing ­episode which caused her to pass out.
A month later, she suffered a similar attack but this time he was behind the wheel of the car. It proved to be fatal.

“The postmortem showed a massive asthma attack, which means she probably passed out and drove into the lorry,” says the report. 
“She had all her inhalers with her in the car when she died.”

The lorry driver was totally blameless and it was an accidental death.

I am thinking back at our days that we met.  “It was a strange way to meet but we bumped into each other at the station and a few weeks later I took her out. We were both separated in a bad way in a former relationship. Eventhough I did not believe in love anymore after I was stood up again, creepy but after nearly five years of being single not wanting anything to do with women, I ­totally fell for her smile and a fair sense of humour.

“Asthma was always a problem for her and it did increasingly affect her day-to-day life. Simply running around with the children made her out of breath. But we thought her condition was under control and I still find it hard to believe that asthma could kill her.

 “Thank God we did many fun things together because we now treasure those memories if we would be losing her so unexpectedly. My point is even if your not that rich live life as best as you can. This is crucial and everyone must understand how deadly asthma can be.”

This story is just the freedom of my thoughs, It is still not too late for my wife as she is still around but this might be a realistic scenario. For her there might not be that many options left but it’s not too late for other asthma sufferers. 

“I want everyone to know that ­asthma can kill, because I didn’t know until it was told to me by a physician.

“I wish we’d known how deadly asthma can be because then, I would have made absolutely sure she took all her inhalers.” Here is a simple test: If you can breathe normal just put a straw in your mouth and try to breathe through it, don’t forget to block your nostrils as well. That is how many Asthma sufferers feel when they have an attack.

The Old Sailor,

Our Christmas Survival

Dear Bloggers,

This Christmas, I am sidestepping as host in my kitchen and moving over to give my oldest daughter the honors of putting together her now very famous Tomato and Mushroom Soup! Being the good sport that I am, I will graciously surrender our kitchen and temporarily relinquish my right as Head Chef in my home, for one night only. Mmuahhhhhh! It’s my kitchen and I’ll cry if I want to. But together we will make the main course and I will make dessert, and no-one is going to stop me. (Not because of her skills in cooking, but timing is tough for a 12 year old girl) So there!

My daughter has become a great cook in her own right. But she has now also become my unwilling rival (I’m smiling here with oozing pride!). I learn her as much as I can although I am not the greatest cook ever. Mom is teaching her also a couple of usefull skills and at school she is enjoying the cooking lessons as well. The other family members made the ’ request, that, my daughter will make their favorite soup on Christmas dinner for the whole family and a dish that clearly only she knows how to make best. Her Fantasy Soup, thus far, is supreme, unbeatable—even restaurants we’ve sampled have yet to compare. And I am not just blowing a lot of hot air here either; this is seriously good slurping!

The flavor she provokes from this one-pot liquid wonder is, to quote Granddad, And I am NOT allowed in the kitchen while she is cooking. I am not allowed even a glimpse of how she puts together this liquid gold. Only things I am allowed to do is cutting tomatos and mushrooms. I really enjoy to cook together with her as she is as disorganized as myself. The kitchen looks like battlefield but together we have a big laugh and satisfied customers.

So I was concerned there would be much disappointment and even rioting from our clan that will be gathering for Christmas dinner, expecting a roast, our usual yearly Christmas fare. Things have changed diet wise and the others don’t want to cook. But disappointment came only from the pure carnivores in the family – only one. When we explained the menu it was not so bad and there is at least chicken or turkey on it. But that will hold for Christmas only.

So now I sit here contemplating on what will make the perfect ending to a most exquisite savory Tomato and Mushroom Soup. Hmm....... delicious!

Have a Merry Christmas and enjoy the small things in live.

The Old Sailor,