when falling in love is a strange part of life

Dear Bloggers,

In my younger years I haven't been the greatest Casanova. I was not a very quiet person and I can be funny sometimes but as soon it came to the feelings thing something made me insecure and yes I spoke my mind and not always in the best way. Some moments I was pretty drunk and other moments I could be shy or absolutely not being focused on the signals. Somehow I managed to miss out a lot of these occasions and yes some them were really pretty. Anyway I ended up in a couple of relationships and with all these girls I was absolutely serious. I simply could not stop that particular loving feeling and my whole world got different on those moments. It feels like your brain is spinning and I could not get enough of it.

The second time you fall in love with someone, you’re going to feel so relieved. When you got your heart broken for the first time, you can’t imagine loving someone else again or having someone else loving you. You worry about your ex girlfriend finding love before you do, and of course they did. You worried about the fact that you will end up being damaged goods. And then it happens. Someone else loves you and you can sleep well again at night.

The second time you fall in love with someone, it’s going to feel different. The first time felt like a dream almost. You were untouched, untainted by anyone. You accepted love with wide open arms and desperation. “Love me, love me, love me!” So you did. And then it fell apart and left you shocked to the core. You realized that people could be cruel and break your heart into a million peaces. You realized that people could stop meaning the sweet things they said to you just yesterday. So when you go into it again, you’re going to keep in mind everything that you’ve learned. You’re going to say, “Love me, love me, love me…until you don’t. In which case, I would like some advance warning. Thanks!”

The second time you fall in love with someone, you’re going to compare it to your first love. That’s okay. That’s natural. You’re going to be studying the new love with judgement and awareness. “My ex never liked fast food. Why the hell does this one eat so much fries and burgers?!” Discovering that you have the ability to love multiple people who are different and feel different is initially very shocking. Loving an unfamiliar body will leave you disoriented and make you feel the need of a map. That’s okay too. That’s to be expected. Just ask the new love for directions. Otherwise you might do somethings wrong and get lost in a frustrating swamp of emotional trouble.

The second or even a third time you fall in love with someone, you’re going to suffer from a truckload of amnesia. You’re going to poke and prod at your lover’s body and be like, “Wait, how do I do this again? How do I love you? What is happening to my brain it's getting totally into the mixed up mode again. I think it starts with us having a moment together in some pub or cafe having a coffee or tea, right?” It’s going to feel scary at first. Falling in love is sort of like riding a horse though. You never really forget.

This second time you’ll be a more sane person. Your first love is when you get all of your insanity out. You behave like an insane monster because your mind is freaking out about all these new powerful feelings. These bloody hormones are gearing up in your body and the butterflies in your stomach are untamable.
By the second time, however, you have an idea of what works and what doesn’t. It’s by no means perfect. The insanity will make a comeback at some point. “Peek a boo. I’m here! Hope you didn’t forget about me!” But you can usually shoo it away after a while. At least that is what you're hoping for. 

At the third time you should be a trained professional and your heart has some scars from former loves and you are wearing the medals of this battlefield called love. When you fall in love with someone, you will learn on the way and with a second or third lover you hopefully have better sex. This is pure my opinion so do not pin me down on this.

Anyway no matter if it is the first, second or third one that you fall in love with someone it will still be exciting and new, you might even talk about moving in together or marriage. At a certain moment it will start feeling more “adult.” You have no idea what adult love actually is but you think it involves making a cup of tea for each other in the morning and giving her breakfast in bed as it feels like something romantic. maybe even getting a place of our own with a dog and some cats. 

This is how you start of making a happy family home. I got settled with the fourth person I fell in love with, the other three left me with a broken heart and mixed feelings about if it would be all worth it, because that’s what you do! The first person I was in love with would never have stayed with me as she never ever really fell in love with me.

The fourth time will not be the first time. The first time is an insane magical life gift that you can never reclaim. But that’s okay. The second time is more real anyway. The third time can involve some amazing love. And the fourth time is still going strong for already twenty three years in a row. It is the best one I ever had and I am still in love the flame is still burning.

The Old Sailor,


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