Whaaaa......Im getting 45
I am becoming 45 years old in a few days and have seemingly done nothing with my life. I’ve got married put two daughters on this planet but I have a long trail of failed relationships and other kind of rocky roads behind me. Yes we do have children, but they did not come easy.
I own a house but it is hardly sellable during the past three years it has been an economic crisis and the costs of it is on our neck further we own two at least 16 year old cars. I am a busdriver on a temps contract which means I am a professional though but half of the time you are unemployed. Yet when I'm working, I don't consider it my career, but more of a means to an end. I have no real hobbies or passions of note.. except writing on my blogstories
I know its hard at our age to look back at what's been accomplished so far and feel any real satisfaction. That's why this time of our lives is titled "the Mid-life Crisis". I'm having one myself. BUT~ identifying what's happening is half the battle. Its what you do with what I term the "second half" of my life that matters. We now have enough experience to know right from wrong, what we are willing to put up with, and what constitutes a "deal breaker". We know what we like and why its important to be around people who love us for ourselves and not what they can get from us.
I may look longingly at the young people in their 20's and feel envious, but I have no idea how much I have it over them! I have a sense of self, a fully developed personality based on having lived through some pretty exciting and crazy times! I can remember what life was like before everything was at a person's finger tips and yet still unattainable as ever. before cell phones, personal computers, and the only thing I had to plug in to read a story, was a lamp. Have you ever found yourself trying to explain what a record was to a younger person? I tried once, .. I got as far as describing what it looked like, and they hopped up and said" OH, you mean like a laser disc, only made from black plastic??" oh boy.
I find alot of my peers are married or (more likely) divorced, some are on 2nd marriages, or just now raising teenagers, or younger. I have two lovely daughters in the age of nearly 14 and on of nearly 9 and they still need us in so many ways. Sooo.. I guess I'm saying that its not that I'm 45 so much, its that I'm 45 and I don't have very much in common with my age set. Do you ever feel this way?
I feel miserable and I am very frightened.....
What is coming next......
I can relate to a thing that was called the pogostick. I am nearly 45 (born in1968). I feel as if I am drifting or on downward spiral. For every superficial meaning you might find in a thing, there seems to be another angle that contradicts it, rendering the whole thing meaningless and value-free. I feel like I'm on an empty journey. I wonder sometimes am I just journeying, am I lazy?
I am not going to say that I am sorry. I think that it needs to be sincere, like saying "I love you." However, I know how you feel, and I can say I relate to your emotional stress. I think that life is lived "backwards", "quickly", and "mechanically", It seems that it passes along mercilessly, and that causes us to have a regretful recollection of events that have come in and out of our lives. I will ask that you find your "niche" and go for it. "Fly your own flag," and to hell with what others think. The only person that should define the person that you are-is you!
I'd like to reccommend the Old Sailor style. Well I stick to this phrase like always: “Live life as long it is there, pray for less fights, spend your last money on a drink and fuck if your life is depending on it.”
The Old Sailor,