Counting down to a big change...........or will this be amrageddon for me.

Dear Bloggers,


I wanted Bruce Willis to play the starring role in a movie about my life. I wanted to write a book about my job the way Paolo Coelho does. I wanted to speak to large groups of eager educators and make them laugh with my nutty remarks. These were all goals of mine when I was not suffering from anything, and was full of energy and ideas before I started sailing. I wanted to find happiness through success and this would only happen if you worked hard and did your very best. At least that was what I thought when I started years back making something out of my miserable life, when I did my days in the army I had to find a job to make some money. I was motivated and focused to make a difference and become something in live. I started off as a dishwasher in a local hotel and worked myself up as a bartender and waiter in the hotel restaurant. After a few years I became headwaiter.

Unfortunately there was only work in the summertime and during the winters I did many different tempsjobs. I worked in factories, became an iceskate essembler, was taxidriver and freelanced in the weekends as a bartender in one of the bigger towns. After a few years I had finished my education as
bartender/waiter and dreamt about earning good money and start my own bar elsewhere. First of all I went to Australia with a friend and worked for a wholesaler in Sydney. We made enough money to support ourselves and had a good time. But when the recession broke out we lost our jobs and had to turn back after a few months that was the first setback in my life, but soon I carried on.

And that spring I found a new challenge I wanted to become a sailor with a great salary. My past from the army gave some hindrances and I had to try again, and I ended up on a cruiseship. The life onboard was not very glamorous and the sun and Jim Beam became my best friends. When I came back home I applied for a job as a bartender on a ferry again. This was luxury compared to the liner as I had my own cabin. I hoped that I could climb up the carreerladder and be headbartender at least. Those where all soapbubbles about to burst as in the higher ranks there was no place for me and I saw a lot of good and bad "bosses" in my sailing days. The months between contracts and ships I filled with doing temp jobs and later on I worked as a freight driver. I drove the big cemetmixing trucks and delivered beers and soda for the Heineken company. Until I could not lift heavy anymore due to costochondritis and I needed to do an office job. I started to work as a receptionist on board again.

Everything was going exactly as I had hoped for and planned. I got a job onboard a ferry to the United Kingdom and everything in life was picking up again and we bought a new house to have more space. I never felt at home in this house so we did put up the for sale sign again and will move back to where we came from. The housing market is very slow and we did not have any serious buyers, but we have time as we do not need to sell. If we sell it, it is another part of my life that can be closed. There were good moments and bad moments for us and believe me there were more bad than good ones. It relieved me when my wife agreed with me that I could not really be happy here and that we both missed the lake, why did we move here anyway? My wife and I wanted to live closer to her parents so they could easier help out babysitting. We hardly ever had any benefit out of it and our kids went to a nanny two blocks away.

I did a good job as there were not many complaints on my behalf, paperwork was not my hobby and will never be. And I really enjoyed what I was doing although there were deadlines to catch. And those deadlines were giving me at least a lot of stress situations as I was mr. plentyfix and I could turn a bad situation into a reasonable one. Until the load was getting to heavy as I could not say NO. When slowly my body started to give up on me. It started with pain in my hands and fingers.The rest of my body quickly followed and by the next month, I was changed into an old man as I was completely turned into a rheumatic person. I was diagnosed with FMS is a rare neurological condition that involves neurotransmitters giving the wrong signals and telling the system of muscles and the nerves throughout the body that I should feel pain. It is rarely damaging, but recovery can be very slow and often patients are left with residual effects. There is also the possibility of relapse when you have a lot of stress.

After being diagnosed with fibromyalgia by the rheumatologist from the local hospital, I was in good health, but body and mind were still ravaged from the syndrome. I was unable to stand or walk for a longer period of time and had very poor use of my hands. I spent the next three months in a local health center where I received three intense therapy sessions a week. By the end of the summer. I was fully discharged from the care of doctors and specialists and had no residual effects. I felt nearly like the same person I was the day before this all started. At least, I thought I was the same person. Until a moisty day came along and I was hit by muscle pains from hell.

Life is like a pop quiz. You can’t plan for it and you only get one chance to do your best. My breakthrough came one day in rehab when I was asking for help to get through everything. I stopped asking when I realized that I had to beat this on my own. I needed to listen to people who couldn’t help
themselves and reach them a helping hand. I knew that I was strong enough to fight this battle with my body and I felt left alone. I learned life doesn’t follow your planner or your schedule. I had to learn to walk instead of running all the time. Life has only one purpose…to happen. If you only focus on all the things that can go wrong and being afraid that your body will give up, you will simply miss the beauty in the things that happen around you and also the small successes that you book yourself. I changed a lot during the course of those months, but more than anything, my belief in the power of the human spirit changed the most. People are capable of extraordinary things. We all have the power to take our current situations in life and make them better. The road to change is littered with obstacles, but they are not permanent hindrances, only temporary roadblocks.

I returned to recently to the job market and applied for lighter jobs the last few months and quickly I realized things were different. From a sailor with no energyloss, I had become a relaxed housedaddy that does not care about stressed situations anymore. A new episode in my book of life had started by ripping out the balck pages. I felt like I was watching someone else and I soon realized that it was the new me. That man in the faded green shirt wasn’t the man who started of this year as a slightly handicapped person. I no longer wanted to change the world. I didn’t want any awards or taps on my shoulder, telling me that I did a good job. I wanted to be happy and I couldn’t be that as a sailor do to the long working days, I needed to start off in something completely new. This summer, I will say goodbye to my career as a sailor and take a job as a busdriver on the citybus with a limited amount of working hours. While taking a drop in pay and, in some peoples eyes, taking a step backwards in my career, I found I had taken a huge step forward. I was doing something again, working with people something I cared deeply about.

I will start working again on Monday and I am really looking forward to it, as it has been a tough year with a lot of ups and downs. And people in offices that do not understand at all why you want to go back to work so badly. They do not see the financial trouble that you have as you need to fight the governments to get some benefits that you are entitled to. Also sitting at home is not my hobby and I am defenitly a lousy housekeeper. The disadvantage that you have as your curriculum vitae tells that you are a person full with adventure as you did so many different jobs. And the lack of experience will give you a lot of rejected applications and therefor very stressfull.

In addition to a change in my career, I had a change in my priorities. I decided to put my wife and family first and everything else as a distant second. I focused on being a "good" husband and having a happy marriage. I rediscovered my passion for my wife and also for recreative cycling, something I had started to lose during my last years of sailing. I took advantage of every good weather day and made sure that I would get a fair set of kilometres on the clock and biked like it was my last day on Earth. Of course the next day I was hoping it was the last day on Earth as usual I was a complete wreck due to the pain as I had overdone it again. I was totally out of balance and I could not except that the old me was not coming back. A psychologist told me that there was no need for finding the old me as he was dead and buried.

Together with my doctor, fysiotherapist, ergotherapist and a dietician I have put my life on the tracks again. And my train is not the fastest but at least it is rolling again. Only when we go uphill we need a bit of help, all the other parts I do without any help. The big difference with the old train is that this one has a break and there is no doubt that it will be used. The new me looks quite similair to the old me but inside there have been big changes.

Hopefully the new me will be a success and I do not need to get higher up. I have the ambition to do a job as good as it gets. I still hope one day there’s a movie made about me. I still hope Bruce Willis will be in the starring role. I still want to write a book. I still want to speak to large groups. These are all goals of mine. I am still motivated and focused. But I have to take care about my energy levels and make sure that my body can handle it. I now hope to find success through happiness. I want to be me…and I’m fine enough with that. Maybe I should change my hair, my house, my clothes, my future, my soul and my name.

How would that sound "The Old Busdriver?"

The Old Sailor,

A tribute to the Scottish fans

Dear Bloggers,

As a bad experience with so called football fans, did not make me look forward to a football trip of the Tartan Army, but I must admit that I was wrong this time, prejudging what was coming towards us. We are used to at least having a bit of trouble during the busy weekends.



But this a tribute to Scottish football Fans
Supporters of the Scottish national team, the so called “Tartan Army” are real fans and they are different than from most other football fans. They are not only loyal to their own country, but like also other countries and clubs. Although some supporters think a bit differently. The races between the superpowers of football are often degenerate into vicious fights, sometimes with murder and manslaughter as a result.



Last week more then 1300 Tartan Army fans travelled on our ship, the group was quite good organized a few minor issues could be solved pretty quickly. To me it was really sensational when they boarded the ship in North Shields, nearly all of them were dressed in kilt’s. As a Dutch man I had seen the country dress up in Orange but this was also a very nice picture. They travelled with us to see Scotland – Holland. Also commentaries around the game were fantastic as they expected some trouble.
The game between Netherlands and Scotland ended that Scotland lost with 3-0 Sufficient reason for Scottish fans after a big booze again separately, end up in a fight with supporters of Holland. If you could imagine. Because it often is. But that was not. There was no arrest.

Two police officers from Amsterdam said: How the Scotland supporters behaved, should be for all an example.



The highlight of peaceful (say brotherhood) behavior was the great party that came over Amsterdam.
It does not hurt anyone if you are being a bit drunk, but in a happy mood. Only a few pubs ran out of beer, but that was easy to fix.

Other supporters should be able to take an example to those of the famous Tartan Army.

The Social Charter prohibits any form of discrimination. Also this group is collecting more and more money for charity and solidarity funds. In 3 days time we transported 3,000 Scottish fans and it was in my eyes the largest peaceful migration by ship since the Second World War to the city of Amsterdam and a few days later the travelled back home.



Despite the defeat against the Netherlands was no incident recorded by the police on board we had only rather small issues but they were simply to resolve by extra security by talking to the person. The supporters of “the Tartan Army” having there own style and it is humorous and musical. The ship’s crew identified this style as the best in the world.

I served with pleasure this time, I got a different view on Scottish people now.
Well I stick to this phrase like always: “Live life as long it is there, pray for less fights, spend your last money on a drink and fuck if your life is depending on it.”

The Old Sailor,

Oude herinneringen,die je liever niet had meegemaakt.

Geachte medebloggers,

Ik zal niet klagen over het feit dat mijn diensttijd saai is geweest.
Want ik heb me namelijk nooit een moment hoeven vervelen en ja er waren beroerder baantjes dan te moeten varen met een bootje op de Nederlandse wateren.
Omdat wij allerhande speciale technieken leerden om te overleven, moesten we ook door de lucht verplaatsbaar zijn. Tegenwoordig heet dit onder een noemer de luchtmobiele brigade.
In mijn tijd waren dit nog losse onderdeeltjes wat af en toe samen oefende.




En natuurlijk had je af en toe een keer een dienst op afroep bij eventuele ongelukken of rampen waarbij je kon worden ingezet.
Dit was normaliter het saaiste wat je kon overkomen.
Toch was dit in dit weekend niet het geval, onze weekenddienst begon ’s middags om 17:00 uur en de vijand was inmiddels ook met weekend verlof.
Het was erg stil op het kazerne terrein en het was een rustige winterachtige avond. We speelden een beetje kaart, keken wat televisie en onze sergeant een beoefend goochelaar in zijn vrije tijd leerde ons een paar trucjes.



Om 20:00 was er telefoon voor de sergeant en werd de alarmbel geluid.
Binnen vijf minuten zat een ieder bepakt en bezakt in de viertonner, die ons richting Roosendaal reed.
Daar zouden we te horen krijgen dat we ons richting Zeebrugge zouden verplaatsen, om assitentie te verlenen bij de ramp die zich daar had voltrokken.

Alhoewel we naderhand hulp hebben gehad van een aantal psychologen, laten sommige beelden en voorvallen je nooit meer los.
Soms is het voor mij moeilijk om een ander zijn emoties te begrijpen, bijvoorbeeld als een huisdier of familielid op leeftijd aan een slopende ziekte sterft.
Hun plotselinge verdriet kan ik dan niet bevatten, ben ik te hard en realistisch geworden?
Deze vraag rijst nog dagelijks bij me, als ik moeite heb om mijn gevoelens naar buiten te brengen.

Veel van deze ervaringen had ik liever niet gehad, maar ja het is niet meer terug te draaien helaas.
Eindeloos staar ik over het water van het leven, met ogen die niets zeggen maar zwijgend de omgeving opnemen.



Herald of Free Enterprise zonk twintig jaar geleden
BRUSSEL - Op dinsdag 6 maart 2007 is het precies twintig jaar geleden dat de Britse ferry 'Herald of Free Enterprise' kapseisde voor de kust van Zeebrugge. De ramp kostte aan bijna 200 opvarenden het leven. Het was de zwaarste Britse scheepsramp in vredestijd sinds de schipbreuk van de legendarische Titanic in 1912.
De ferry voer op vrijdag 6 maart 1987 de haven van Zeebrugge uit. Op dat ogenblik waren 80 bemanningsleden, 459 passagiers, 81 auto's, 3 bussen en 47 vrachtwagens aan boord van de 'carferry'. Het moest een routinetrip worden naar de Britse havenstad Dover. Na een draaimanoeuvre van 180 graden, stevende de Herald of Free Enterprise op open zee af.

Dat manoeuvre gebeurde met openstaande boegdeuren, en tonnen water stroomden de garagedekken binnen. In nauwelijks een minuut kapseist het schip en gaat het op zijn linkerzij liggen op een zandbank, op amper anderhalve kilometer van de Belgische haven. Het was precies 19.28 uur toen de ramp zich voltrok. Onmiddellijk start een reddingsactie. Belgische maar ook Britse en Nederlandse helikopters vliegen uit, maar de actie is tevergeefs voor bijna 200 opvarenden, die in het ijskoude water aan onderkoeling sterven.

Een dag later bracht de toenmalige Britse premier Margaret Thatcher hulde aan de Belgische autoriteiten voor de snelheid en de doeltreffendheid van het optreden van de reddingsploegen.

Achteraf verliep de identificatie van de slachtoffers vrij moeizaam, omwille van een onvolledige passagierslijst. Slechts een honderdtal passagiers had een reservatie op naam. Velen waren ingegaan op een aanbod van de Britse krant The Sun, om de overtocht te maken voor slechts één pond. Zelfs in de weken na de ramp spoelden nog lijken aan op de Belgische stranden.

Op 27 april werd de ferry naar een voorlopige ankerplaats gesleept. Duikers bergden toen de laatste lichamen. Daarna werd de Herald naar de marinebasis van Zeebrugge gebracht om er door experts te worden onderzocht. Op 13 mei 1987 werd de Herald naar het Nederlandse Vlissingen gesleept en verkocht aan een Nederlandse firma om te worden gesloopt op een scheepswerf in Taiwan.

De conclusie van het officiële onderzoek, gevoerd in Groot-Brittannië, is dat kapitein David Lewry verantwoordelijk is voor de schipbreuk. Na een lange procedure wordt zijn vaarlicentie ingetrokken.

De carferry was eigendom van rederij 'Townsend Thoresen', dat later 'P&O European Ferries' werd. Momenteel varen de ferry's onder de naam P&O Ferries.

Maak het beste van je leven en leef in het nu, want de rest is historie en er is al genoeg ellende in de wereld.

De Old Sailor,