When your daughter is moving away

 Dear Bloggers,

Moving is an adventure, a new beginning, a chance to build the life you’ve always wanted for yourself. Yet, this thrilling adventure involves moving away from the place you’ve been calling home all your life and the people you care about.

Our oldest daughter is moving away from home and got a rental home in another town. It needs quite some work to refurbish it all. I took some days off to help out with painting and flooring. Hopefully this is her last month at home.

To say that bidding farewell to your sweet home and your loved ones is hard or sad is a gross understatement of the gravity of the matter. When you move away from home is likely to be one of the loneliest experiences in your life. You’re going to miss your family and friends. You’re going to miss your routines and your comfort zone. You’re going to miss the places you used to go and the things you used to do. She will learn to cope with it.

But, for one reason or another, you chose to leave your old life behind and start a new. So, you need to somehow overcome your homesickness and post-relocation depression. You need to find a way to cope with moving away from family and home and make the most out of your new life. Here are some insightful tips to help you achieve this:


Understand that it’s not the end
When moving to a new city, there may be a great physical distance between you and your loved ones that keeps you from seeing one another. Yet, being away doesn’t mean you’ll stop caring about each other or never see each other again. It simply means that you won’t be able to spend as much time together as you used to. It is true, of course, that everyone will continue with their own lives and things will change a lot. But you can still be a part of each other’s worlds:

Call often and text whenever you have the chance. This way, you’ll be able to share all your experiences, thoughts, and emotions with the people who matter to you. They will know what’s going on in your life and you’ll have their immediate support and understanding. You can even agree upon a set time (convenient for everyone) to talk with your family – it’s a good idea to schedule more frequent chats at the beginning when you won’t have any friends in your new city yet and will feel terribly lonely (the conversations will get fewer and further between as you get more comfortable in your new environment). Having a planned time to hear from your family will bring you comfort as you will know that you’ll be talking to your loved ones soon;
Use social media to check on your pals and your family instantly, so that you feel connected even if you are far apart physically;

Take advantage of video chats to talk to your family and friends face to face. It is as close to seeing them in person as it gets; Email or write real letters – there’s such a thrill to see a message in your inbox or a letter in your post box from a loved one! Besides, writing letters will allow you to recount your experiences and share your thoughts in a more detailed and more meaningful way; Plan your visits. Decide who will visit who first, set a date, and make travel plans before your relocation. You will have something to look forward to when you find yourself depressed and alone in your new home. Besides, knowing when you will see your loved ones again will help diminish the sadness of being apart. It will be much easier to cope with moving when you stay in touch with the people you hold dear, so make sure you keep your meaningful relationships alive, no matter how great the distance between you and your loved ones.


Keep being positive
Moving away from the place you’ve known your whole life may be hard and overwhelming, but it is a chance for a successful new life – you will have many new opportunities in your new state or city, will learn to stand on your own feet and overcome difficulties by yourself, will find your own self, grow as a person, and become independent and self-confident. You will gain plenty of experience and knowledge, your horizon will expand and you’ll see things in new perspective. Eventually, you’ll become mentally and emotionally stronger and will be able to build the life you’ve always wanted for yourself.

Thinking of your relocation as your first step into an exciting new world will help you overcome your sadness and anxiety and successfully deal with moving away from family and home.

Give yourself time
Do not push yourself – have a good rest after the relocation, relax, and allow yourself to be sad for the things you left behind. Call your pals and your family just to hear their voices and draw strength from their love. Take your time and find your peace. Slowly, but surely you’ll get accustomed to your new surroundings, will regain your balance and your motivation, and overcome your nostalgia.

Make your new place your sanctuary
The best way to deal with moving away from home is to create your dream home in your new area. Arrange your new place to your liking, make the living space functional and cozy, put your favorite decorations on display, place your best-loved books on the shelves, and find your old blanket – just surround yourself with items that make you feel happy and comfortable and remind you of beloved people and cherished dreams. It is also a good idea to arrange some of your things in the same way as they were in your old home – this will create a feeling of familiarity and warmth in your new place. (See also: How to make your new place feel like home)

Make sure you hang some of your favorite family photos (and pictures of your friends) on the walls – seeing the familiar faces of your loved ones throughout the day will cheer you up and provide a sense of closeness and connection. Likewise, keep any treasured items given to you by your family and friends on display in your house – every time you look at them, you will remember the good times you’ve had together and the special bond you share, no matter how far apart you are. This will brighten your day when you’re feeling especially lonely and depressed in your new reality.

To cope with moving, you need to restore your inner peace:

Keep busy – Having some important task to complete, some exciting project to engage in, or something fun to do will keep sadness and depression at bay. So, make sure you keep your hands busy and your mind occupied – especially during the first couple of months after the move;
Build a routine – Having a daily routine will not only give you a sense of security and fulfillment, but will also make you feel that your life is back on track – so try to establish yours during the very first days after the relocation.

Keep traditions alive – If you always had dinner at 7:00 at home, eat your evening meal at the same time in your new place. If you always went to the movies on Saturday nights with your friends, go see a movie on Saturday night in your new city – this will help you feel like yourself and will put your mind at ease; Make your favorite foods – Ask your mom how she makes your favorite dish, then make it yourself. The familiar food will help comfort you when you’re feeling lonely and nostalgic; She already has a couple of cats. So she will have some to take care of, someone to have fun with, and someone to cuddle close when you’re feeling lonely. You may even find new friends among other animal lovers in your area when taking your pet out for a walk, for example.

Keep your focus on what took you to your new place
You may be missing friends and family, but you came to your new city for a reason – to go to college, start a new job, start a family of your own, etc. So, no matter how hard it may be, focus on your reason to be here and try to make the most out of it – work harder, acquire new skills, expand your knowledge, just do everything possible to advance in your career or your studies and accomplish the goals you set for yourself before the move.

In fact, being away from home will be quite beneficial for your personal development – without the pressure to keep up relationships around everyone else’s schedules you’ll be able to put more time and energy into your own goals. And the feeling of achievement and success you’re going to get in the process will certainly make it much easier for you to deal with moving away from family and friends.

Enjoy your new life
The final step to coping with moving is to start appreciating the differences and enjoying your new world. Get to know your new city, explore your new surroundings, get involved in the community life, join clubs, organizations, or sporting teams to partake in activities you enjoy, make new friends, and take advantage of every new opportunity that presents itself.

While these new pals will never replace your close friends and family members, new relationships will help you feel less isolated and will give you a local support group. And the new experiences and activities you engage in will help relieve some of the sadness or loss you may feel. (See also: How to adjust after moving)

Soon enough you’ll feel at home in your new environment and will thrive in your new reality.

The Old Sailor,

Looking for the "One" is useless

Dear Bloggers,

My life had many ups and downs and also my love live has been all over the place. Every break up is different and from all of them I've learned something. I gave up love for a while as I was so heartbroken and did not believe in relationships anymore. I cried my heart out and could not se the future at that point and fully out of the blue, I met my lovely wife. And yes we are still beautiful people eventhough we aged and got wrinkles our hearts are still bouncing. I am still madly in love and she is the best I have. let's hope that it will last forever.

 
The feeling of being in love is the best. When you meet someone and have that instant spark. You hit it off right from the start and get butterflies in your stomach every time you see them. When hours of being together feel like minutes. When you can get an hour of sleep and still feel high on life the next day. Not to mention the blissful feeling of certainty when we feel like you’ve met “the one” (finally!). You start fantasizing about the future together and are convinced that the other person is on the same page you are. It went on for weeks and in your opinion life couldn't get any better.
And then it ended.

And you were not only heartbroken, but shocked because it seemed so right and you don’t understand what went wrong.
Contrary to what romantic comedies made us believe, this is actually fairly common and not necessarily a bad thing.

I know that is not comforting if you are in the pain of a break-up, but stay with me because understanding why the one you thought was going to be forever ended may offer you some relief.

What I have seen over and over again with friends is that they meet someone who has all the qualities that they have dreamed about, and they are so happy when they are with that person. And then the relationship ends often in a very abrupt way or because of uncontrollable or unchangeable circumstances. It almost feels like the person is literally being taken away. Well they kind of are – and for a good reason, even if it doesn’t feel like it.

Why does a relationship that feels so right end? So that you can truly see what is so amazingly “right” about you.

I’ll explain…

Just as people are here to teach us where we have judgments and unresolved issues, they are also here to illuminate what is so amazing about ourselves that we are not acknowledging, owning and experiencing. If you have been with someone you thought was the one, you probably found certain qualities about him or her incredibly attractive. You also may have said, “She brought out the best in me!” Exactly. He or she did bring out the best of you, but it’s your job to keep it going. They fulfilled their spiritual agreement with you by attracting you with their awesome qualities to reflect to you what you are not seeing about yourself. And by triggering the best inside of you so you could have the experience of your awesomeness. But it wasn’t their job to stay.

When she was around I felt beautiful and confident. She consistently told me that and she did things that made me feel that way. I loved her so much and treated her with love, respect and kindness. Now that she was gone, my confidence has tumbled to it's lowest point ever. and I was desperately attempting to figure out what I did wrong.
She did not do anything wrong (and neither did you if you were can relate to any part of her story). Sometimes the Universe sometimes “reassigns” a person to support you in fully integrating what they were reflecting inside of you, and to protect you from a co-dependent relationship. For example, if you were really attracted to their creativity or drive, one of their gifts to you was to inspire you to reconnect with your creativity or drive.

 
Or as in my case, before our relationship I never felt really beautiful and had very little self-confidence. I just filled a void that had been empty for nearly 5 years. In order for her to fully step into her own beauty and confidence she is now faced with the opportunity to fill the void herself.

We cannot see in another what we don’t have inside ourselves. If you feel like the person brought out a quality of yours like creativity, you are incorrect. They merely triggered what has been sleeping inside of you. No one else can make us do anything that we aren’t already. If the person were still there, you would not be as motivated to be the things you miss about them or the version of you that you were with them.

Remember no one is the “one” because everyone is the one. Every single person you have a relationship with (and I don’t just mean that romantically) is a soul mate because they are teaching you soul lessons. We all are mirrors and teachers for each other to learn our life and write new pages in our book of life.

I understand that nothing feels quite as devastating as not being able to be with the one you thought she or he was the “one.” What would be devastating is never truly integrating the amazing qualities you saw or experienced with or in that other person. You were not rejected, their future was just reassigned.

The purpose of any relationship is for our learning and to grow in love. Both for another and for ourselves. It is not necessarily to be together forever, as this is not realistic as some lose the love of their live due to an accident or a terrible disease. It should make us happy, or fulfill any void in our lives. I encourage you to move through the pain that you have and get to the purpose of your relationship. Begin to see how it served you and learn something from it.

Trust that although the physical presence of a person may not be there anymore, the qualities you loved about them belong to you. What you love about them is still inside of you.

You bring out the best in you. It’s there. Stop looking for it in the eyes or arms of another. And when you bring out the best in you then you will be able to share it with someone who brings out the best in themselves, too. 

No more wondering if someone else is the “one”. You are the one you have been looking for.



The Old Sailor,

My way of dealing with a burn out

Dear Bloggers,

My wife is suffering from a burn out and we are working slowly on her recovery. Let me tell you it is a long way but here I have some tips to make your life a bit easier. Whenever in doubt, humans all across this huge, people-filled planet resort to bending out of shape instead of empowering ourselves to get up and pick ourselves up! Although it is not very healthy for you, it's just what we do! Men and women all alike do this, too, so you have nothing to be ashamed of. Now, you have the power to conquer emotions and inner negativity! This guide will suggest ways in which you gain control of your life again. I got my life back in order, and you can get yours back too.

Steps

Get rid of the negativity in your life. Put family and friends which bring too much negativity toward you on freeze for now. Don't start any trouble with them, but be less reliant on them. Also, cut back on negativity yourself! Whenever you think something negative, say to yourself, "That's negative and unnecessary." Keep saying that to yourself until your brain stops completely.

Cut back on unnecessary activities to free up time. Any activity that does not produce a tangible result or lead you to success you can put on freeze. For example, cutting back on a movie or going on the computer to go on aim half as often would suffice. But be careful about choosing which things in your life are important to you and which are not. To avoid common errors, first make a list of things (on paper!) that you normally do on a daily and/or weekly basis and put how much time you spend on each activity. Then, take the items on that list and lightly cross off the things that are useless in your life and you spend too much time on. For example, if you watch TV for 5 hours a day, you're definitely wasting some time in your life. If it has something to do with another person, specifically family, do not cross it off as doing this could affect the other person badly. Next, look at all of the things you crossed off and then at the things you still have on your other list. Does this seem reasonable? Could you live without the things you crossed out? Our main goal is to get you to stop spending too much time on useless things.

Create a weekly goal list using three colors.

·      A black priority would be something that has to be done at a certain date and time, without any exceptions.

·      A red priority would be something that has to be done by the end of the day.

·      An orange priority would be something that has to be done within less than one-seven hours. Don't look past 7 days until the priorities are met.

Buy a few hundred index cards, or 2-3 packs. Keep at least a half of a pack with you at all times. They are valuable in social events and allow you to capture ideas onto paper, so you will never forget anything. Knowing that all of your problems are in your pocket will take away stress because you can stop thinking about them and start thinking about other important things.

Organize most of your computer files into 5-15 folders to make sure you have your digital priorities straight. Example folders: Work, School, Research/Reading, Personal Writings, Weekly Goals, Music, Photos, Reminders. Also important to get your mailbox in order there are a lot of unnecessary items in your inbox

Write down 10 strengths you have and how you can use them to your advantage. Write down 10 weaknesses you have and how you can improve them. Try to improve yourself a little bit everyday but at the same time keep this quote in mind: "Complete perfection is bliss, but when perfection is met with humanity, it's useless." Never use the word "perfect." Use "improved" instead. The process of improvement is slow, but if you try to improve yourself everyday, in 6 months, the next list you write will be very different.

Build self-esteem. Don't compare yourself to other people and do not limit yourself to the standards of the consensus. To a certain extent, forget judgmental strangers and give yourself enough room to grow.

Real Self Confidence and Esteem is based in emotion, not a self-image
to build self-confidence and overcome low self-esteem is to change how we feel emotionally about ourselves. To change our emotion requires changing two different core beliefs about self-image. The first core belief is obvious. It is the belief that we are not good enough. It may have a more specific association to how we look, how smart we are, money, or lack of confidence sexually. The second core belief to change is the image of success that we feel we should be. Changing this belief is contrary to logic, but is a must if we are to overcome insecurity and raise our self-esteem.  

False Self Image of Perfection Cause of Low Self Esteem and Lack of Confidence
When your mind has an image of success that you "should be" it associates happy emotions with that picture. I call that the image of perfection in our mind. The mind does a comparison between the image of perfection and how you see your self-image currently. The comparison results in judgment and self-rejection for not meeting the image of perfection. The self-rejection results in feeling unworthy and of low self esteem

While the image of perfection appears to be a way for us to feel good about ourselves, it is actually causing us to reject ourselves which creates feelings of "not being good enough." If you were to dissolve the belief that you should fit into the image of perfection you would eliminate the self-rejection and feelings of unworthiness that result.

Finding and breaking my own “I’m not good enough story.”

Feelings of confidence and security mean no self-rejection.
The approach of dissolving our image of perfection sounds contrary to our sense of logic about building confidence and esteem. This is because we have the belief that achieving the image of perfection will result in positive happy emotions and feeling confident with our success. Our mind has actually been programmed to have these emotional associations. We desire to feel these feelings and chase the image of perfection we have attached to them.

What we may not be aware of is that achieving our image of success doesn’t effectively change our emotional state. It doesn't do anything to permanently change the way the voice in our head speaks to us or what we believe about ourselves. Many times people have achieved their goals only to find themselves still unfulfilled. Your emotional state may briefly change in the euphoria if the immediate success. But the core belief of not being good enough and your long term habit of self-rejection in the mind hasn’t been altered. The critical voice in our head is more likely to put a higher goal in front of us to achieve. It’s okay to have high goals, but you don’t have to make your love and self-acceptance dependent on them.

Change What You Believe and You Change How You Feel Emotionally
The second belief to dissolve is that we are inadequate and somehow not good enough. These are the beliefs that create emotions of insecurity and fear. The emotions are not the problem they are just the resulting symptom of negative core beliefs. The "not good enough" image is a construct of our imagination. It is a belief about ourselves created by the mind concluding that we are "not good enough to meet the image of perfection." A step to changing this belief is to recognize that we the one observing the "self" image. We cannot be the “self” image we are looking at. We are the one doing the looking. This means the “self-image we create is really a “non self” image. With awareness we can decide to believe in the “non self” image or not believe in the “non self” image. Having this awareness helps shift our point of view and is a beginning step that will help us change a belief.

Changing the “not good enough” image is much easier once you have broken your belief in the image of perfection. Without the image of perfection you no longer have the comparison reinforcing the unworthy "self” image.

Make physical changes to remind yourself that you are a new person. A haircut and new clothing would suffice. Also, cleanse yourself spiritually and mentally to begin a lasting new lifestyle. Meditation is a good way to do this.

Breaking down The Elements: Setting Your Head Right

There are some general points to consider to set your expectations of change correctly.

1.                  I can get better at this.

2.                  The journey, not the destination.

3.                  Don’t pretend you have a different life.

4.                  Start now.

5.                  Expect disruption.

6.                  Expect failure.

7.                  Remove guilt.

8.                  Be patient.

9.                  Live through the seasons.

10.              You are Superman/ woman.

I can get better at this.

This is the fundamental belief you need to start changing. It’s not the same as thinking – “I can change” – which might actually work against you. It’s the mindset that whatever you’re going for, the goal is progress, not perfection.

The journey, not the destination.

When people think about change, they think about intervention.

You’ll eat less, lose 15 kilos, then that’s the end of it.

But it doesn’t happen like that, because change is a constant process. You’re always going to be changing something. And when you get done with changing one thing, there’s going to be something else that emerges, some other change that you’ll need to work on. Expecting this up front saves a lot of disappointment down the track.

Don’t pretend you have a different life.

This ties in to the earlier point – whatever you’re struggling with today – making a decision to change it doesn’t remove any of the elements in your life that make that thing a struggle today. You are always going to revert to the mean when it comes to motivation or optimism and you can’t expect that to change.

Picture yourself making changes in the course of normal life, not in some idealized world in which you have more time, energy and motivation. That place doesn’t exist.

As I would say: “Your future self doesn’t exist. As long as there is no future you. All that exists is a series of present selves, all shirking responsibility and assuming versions of themselves that don’t exist will solve their problems. “Start now.

Equally, the best time to start the process was yesterday. The next best time is now. It won’t be easier after your vacation, or when you move to the new house, or when you get the new job… it will be just as hard and you will have less time to make the change.

So start now, no matter how inconvenient the circumstances might be.

Expect disruption.

Every month, you should expect that 1 in every 4 days will be impacted by sickness, injury, travel for work, personal travel, or an intervening event like a hangover, a soccer championship, a wedding or a hen’s night.

The most under-rated change skill you can develop is the ability to plan in and around those constraints.

Expect failure.

You have to be ready to fail multiple times as you try to make something stick. Failing isn’t a sign to stop; it’s a sign to try again. This time with more information about what works and what doesn’t.

That’s not how it works when it comes to change. In changing, you will encounter so much ‘do not’ that the only thing that matters is ‘try’.

Remove guilt.

Remove the guilt from change. If you fail, start again. Guilt and shame are HUGE wastes of energy. Remove all your negative emotions around change, forget all past failures and just try again. Every other approach is inefficient.

Be patient.

You will grossly overestimate your ability to change. Really. You want to underestimate and then over deliver. Not the reverse.

That’s a really good proxy for how most change happens. It takes much longer than we want to admit.

Live through the seasons.

Your changes will come in seasons. It’s rare they’ll last for more than 3 months without starting to feel stale… So you’ll want to keep this in mind you’re not changing forever, just for a short time and then you will get focused on something else.

Note, this isn’t the case for the ones that are fully breaking down and who are too stubborn to change they will fall back into bad habits and old addictions like smoking and drinking.

\You are Superman or woman.

You are Superman. You have endless lives. You get reborn every time you decide to try again. So don’t be afraid to try and fail.

 The Old Sailor,

Bullying is lethal my friends

Dear Bloggers, 

We hear and see the national news reports regarding bullying in schools, neighborhoods and communities. It's nothing new, the pundits promise action, and we feel a bit better that the problem is being addressed. Nothing could be further from the truth. 

The latest casualty? Anass Aouragh , a 13-year-old boy from Wassenaar. Teased relentlessly, his mentor, says there is now an empty space at school. What are the reasons for the perpetual taunting? His small size, his high IQ  there are no reasons given yet. Was he not able to deal with the verbal assaults and the sticks and paper dots that were thrown at him, or was it when they started making fun of him? Somewhere he reached the breaking point.

 
His parents, were worried about their son when he did not return home from an after school job bringing around advertising leaflets. Worry turned into frantic and desperate fear, and soon they organized a search party. The police send out an Amber Alert. Hours later, in the morning they found him, in the woods of Wassenaar. The image of the scene and their tortured agony is almost too much to bear. 
When are schools going to get it? Teaching the 3 R’s, reading, writing and arithmetic, is not enough. 

Tolerance, respect and common decency need to be addressed along with the basics, because unfortunately, this is often not taught at home. And not only that, teachers, principals and administrators need to be constantly in touch and vigilant about what's going on in the classroom and on the playground.
Bullying is a problem that is not going to go away on its own. How many more deaths have to occur before schools take this problem seriously and responsibly? 

Fleur Bloemen was another victim of what we never can understand. One of the kids said after she died: She never spoke about what she was going through.
This is very often the case. These kids are ashamed, embarrassed, shy, even afraid to speak up, which is why all school personnel must keep their ears and eyes open and be prepared to intervene. This is why all parents have to talk to their children about how to treat others, and must know what their kids are doing and who they're doing it with. It's called parenting.

This is not an isolated problem -- Fleur is just one of the latest examples. Last month it was Fleur, a  high school student, who took her own life with jumping in front of train. No longer able to withstand the taunting from a group at school, she permanently ended the verbal assaults the only way she knew how. The reason for the harassment? She was wished dead by fellow students and was taunted on prepschool. Again, this fun-loving youngster kept it all inside, not wanting to upset his family by the derogatory comments. And now she jumped and some of her fellow students saw it happen. 

Tim Ribberink, died 4 months ago in an apparent suicide. Authorities suspect the bullying he endured at school and at work played a role.Tim Ribberink....... was trying to escape the cruelty from his being a happy guy who was taunted being gay. After being punched, kicked and yelled at, he was victimized on social networks when his body was found at home his parents published a part of his farewll note in the advert in the local newspaper. The persons held responsible for this cannot be held responsible for this henious crime.

However, it is setting a precedent that the schools do have liability.
As I mention in 5 very important lessons from tragic bullying deaths, (1) Those struggling with their sexuality need to realize there are sources in every community to help; these kids are often targets (2) Parents must speak out. You must talk to your child about bullying and let them know it is wrong. Also, you must ask them often if they or anyone they know is being bullied. If so, you must report it immediately; (3) Teachers, administrators and school personnel have a duty to stop bullying on school grounds. There must be a zero tolerance policy. (4) Parents must teach their children acceptance and tolerance of others that are different, and that we all have gifts to share to make the world a better place. (5) Not only must bullies be held accountable -- their parents should be, as well.


Schools in the Netherlands are being offered the Kiva Method from Finland. KiVa is a research-based antibullying program that has been developed in the University of Turku, Finland, with funding from the Ministry of Education and Culture. The effectiveness of KiVa has been shown in a large randomized controlled trial. In Finland, KiVa is a sought-after program: 90 % of all comprehensive schools in the country are registered KiVa schools implementing the program.

KiVa has been evaluated in a large randomized controlled trial including 117 intervention schools and 117 control schools. The program has been shown to reduce both self- and peer-reported bullying and victimization significantly. It influences multiple form of victimization, including verbal, physical, and cyberbullying. In addition, positive effects on school liking, academic motivation and achievement have been reported. KiVa also reduces anxiety and depression and has a positive impact on students’ perception of their peer climate. A remarkable 98% of victims involved in discussions with the schools’ KiVa teams felt that their situation improved. Finally, Finnish data from more than 1000 schools that started the implementation of KiVa in fall 2009 showed that after the first year of implementation, both victimization and bullying had reduced significantly

.
It's too late to bring back any of these precious children, but hopefully their deaths will bring about change. If you can take one thing away, let it be this: Talk to your children. Listen to your children. If you do this, no telling what you'll learn. Talk, talk, talk, and keep those lines of communication open. Is someone bullying them? Are they bullying someone? And finally, do they know someone who is being bullied? Ask often and listen carefully.

All of them could have been alive today. Always remember that you can make a difference.

The Old Sailor,

A shocking message

Dear Bloggers,

This week is the last week before the summer recess of the high schools so it was time to hand in the books for this year and in the evening hours I should bring her to school again for the final schoolparty. Just before we took off to school I got an e-mail from school reporting that one of the students had passed away in the weekend. The kids had to gather after returning the books to hear what had happened. I felt sorry for the parents who had lost their 15 year old daughter.................(I am not many times out of words but this made me silent.)

That means another family has lost a child on leukemia. And it pisses me off.  BUT… i am also glad that I am there, or was there so that it might be easier for her.

It must be horrable and mindblasting to hear, ” She has blasts in her blood.”  ugh.. what does that mean…and there is no time left to overtink it. “You’ll need to admit her immediately.”  ugh, do they mean now at this moment. After the first round at the hospital and the treatment with medication, seeing recovery coming.

Then to hear “She can go back to school if you’re comfortable with that.” Does this make sense?  NO.  None of it makes sense because they’ve just told you that your child has cancer.  WHAT!!!!   Not possible.

So we need Leukemia to come to a hold for all the parents of new leukemia patients out there.  We need a program where we can help newly diagnosed families and give them a bit more hope as their will be more money for research and maybe we could team them up with old jolly busters like me

.

Maybe there should be a person, not just a message board where they can connect and ask the questions that need to be asked.  Do I give certain medication before or after breakfast?  Not that we would be able to answer every question….. but it is sure nice and more human to have someone to ask.

Of course it isn’t just the message that has me up in arms about leukemia , it is a daughter, a family member and only 15 years of age. It could’ve been my girl or your kid or even a schoolfriend of our children.

That does sound harsh and yes this child is gone. But basically what it means to you is that another child was diagnosed with cancer. Leukemia, the 2 year treatment, cancer.  The one with the 95% survival rate at 5 years after diagnosis.  The one where the parents freak out.  Oh, wait, that is all cancer isn’t it.

The school party was cancelled and at school they made a memorial room for this girl, out of respect I am not mentioning names as it must be pretty tough to cope with this loss. My thoughts are with them and I can only send you love.

The Old Sailor,