Hopefully the last time that we moved house

 

Dear Bloggers,

I have moved house four times in just over twenty years. You think that my family and I would be really good at moving, but there is always something that trips us up every time.

After having lived in the same house for 23 years, I left my parental home and moved in with the girl I fell in love with. She rented a little Apartment in a medium sized village. We bought our first house in the village where I was born and where I grew up. Although I was young and restless and had my challenges fulfilled as a man with tons of ideas. In the army I found that life could be tricky and some of us are not getting really old they faced death at an early stage. After that I worked in discotheques and restaurants served people with joy. Although these jobs were for the summer season and I had to work in factories during the rest of the time and it was not paying that well. I started looking for a new challenge and went sailing on a small cruise liner. Here I found joy only thing that was missing was my little miss. Being homesick I left after one cruise and picked up the old jobs again. My dearest surprised me with an application for a new starting route with Scandinavian Seaways and a job as a waiter. After getting married and our first born a financial crisis struck and I lost my job. I tried many different paths but nothing brought real satisfaction. I was so happy when I received a phone call to serve on the Hamburg to Harwich route. Difference was leaving to loves of my life behind to live my dream. We moved to another small village close to my wife’s parents so they could babysit if necessary. And we were talking about a second child as our former home was too small for it. Then the Tax office was making mistake after mistake and almost seized our home as we started to run out of money. I have the mentality of a streetfighter and don’t give up easy. We sold our house and got challenged to get a much lower mortgage and less to live in. We went from a new home to an old and lived out house and had to start all over from scratch.   

 

I had a dream that wouldn't let me rest. I wanted to renovate our old home and turn it into the house that we wanted.  My wife bought into my vision and after almost ten years we looked for a house that we could afford and that we could transform. The deadline for the sale of our beautiful home was coming closer and closer and we had a fourth night left to pack our stuff and move on.

In February 2018, we finally found it - an old, never updated in the last forty-some years. A little family home that was about to be collapsing under its conditions. It didn't have many features - except for a farmers door as a front door, floorboards that were moving with you. It had an outdoor laundry room in the shed and a very tiny toilet room and a tiny, dirty kitchen that was barely functional. Even the electricity had to be removed as it was more than forty years old. Also the plumbing had to be redone. So we took the floors out and started from scratch to remodel the intestines of the house. Fortunately, it had a bit of a yard were we could drop of all the old crap that was removed, the company having containers for all the wood, doors, drywall, bricks, concrete and whatever had been stuck in this house was located close to our house. We had several of them and if you sort it out it saves a pretty penny. After everything was renewed and brought up to todays standards. The foam concrete floor was poured and the underfloor heating was installed the next day. A week later the screed floor and the next week the tiled floor. Finally it was habitable again. In the weeks that followed, the electrical work was done and the plasterers did the walls downstairs. The upstairs was now ready for use because we lived in the middle of this construction site.

At a certain point, the ceilings were also installed and the house could be furnished with all the things that were in the garage and after almost 4 years of renovation, not all of them looked as good anymore. That night I woke up to a searing plastic smell. I looked out the window at the front and saw a bit of smoke. I had a bad feeling and went downstairs to see if everything was okay. I opened the back curtains and saw a flame dancing behind the garage window.

I raised the alarm and ran upstairs woke the children and sent them outside my wife grabbed the dogs and went out the front door. All my tools and materials burned as well as some of the furniture and all the paperwork and our other clothes. The blow was hard and complicated for someone with a trauma and two relatively young children. Yet we would overcome this too. Tough as nails they say. Even though my wife could not find her way as the city has its noises like: traffic noise. screaming sirens of fire brigade, police and ambulances. But also drunken youngsters on weekends and holidays were not uncommon. All year round some stupid guests let off firecrackers which made the dogs react rather nervously and bark out of fear. We decided to sell the property and find something more quiet again. We successfully found a house that needed a great bit of love to make it up to our standards again.

 

So we bought it. The pressure was then on to fix up our current house and pack up our stuff. We had to do a load of work to get the house ready for moving day. And a month is not enough to get everything up and running. Impossible is not in my vocabulary and everyone tried to be ready on the deadlines, not easy for the people that had to do the jobs. The bathroom was one of the issues as the guy that had to install it just gave up on us as he had no time left. My contractor found another plumber and the electrical work I took up for a great deal myself and another company made the new outlets for the freezer and the fridge. Still not everything is done but there is time now to do things later like painting the ceilings and walls.

 

Also, the garage floor needs to be demolished and then re-poured and will have underfloor heating and a tile floor put in. Furthermore, the garage will be split. the front will be my workshop and the back will be the utility room and laundry room for my wife. So still a lot to do in the coming time. Someday it will all be done and the dream will be complete. When I reach retirement I hope the chores will be over.

There is something about living in a house for a long time. You accrue a lot of things. And dare I say, my wife is most probably a hoarder. I am the one that keeps a lot of stuff if it comes to building. Tools I have average. We had quite a big garage, but the amount of stuff I had stored in there was phenomenal (that even excluded all the equipment for the garden I had stored at another location).

Planning the move took a lot of time and lots of tiny decisions. We planned on moving out the big things, the things we could see. Anything we didn't need for a couple of months we packed up and sent to our new rented storage room that we had in regional storage center. I spent countless nights boxing things. And registered all the goods in a spreadsheet. By the time we had our first open for inspection, it looked like we lived this magical, idealized life of a tidy house and lots of floor space (see photo above). It was like living in a sales folder with the perfect family.

 

It felt like a mirage.

When we finally moved (and had still five months) to prepare, we thought it would be easy. After all, we had most of our things in storage and we had also sold or donated a lot of things. I booked a big truck for a day.

By 2pm on moving day, it became painfully obvious things weren't going well. There were still so many boxes to get into the truck. By the time we arrived at our new house, it was dusk. We decided to stop for the night and get the rest tomorrow. The next morning we started early again and literally shoved all the furniture into our new house (so we couldn't use any rooms except the bedrooms).

Thankfully, we weren't living there on the first night. We went back to our old, clean house and slept on mattresses on the floor. We were exhausted and got a little scared of what laid ahead.

The next day was even worse. It was settlement day. I started cleaning and packing up the bits and pieces strewn around the home at 6am. By 10.30am, we were getting frantic calls from our real estate agent about when we would hand in the keys. At 11am, I had to go to the solicitor for the legal paperwork our real estate agent was not there as they were having a day out with the personnel.

We got out of there by 10am the sale had gone through. It seemed like a tiny cause for celebration.

In the end, it wasn't the big pieces of furniture that made our move so traumatic. It was all the bits of stuff we had accrued that I didn't know existed, as well as all the little things I didn't know what to do with. Random cables, pieces of plastic from unknown items, storage containers, pet toys.

 

Yet, what I severely underestimated was that it just wasn't our physical stuff that took a long time to sort, it was also the emotional baggage that lay trapped underneath. From exposing a hidden conflict with my spouse - her deep need to be surrounded by a lot of stuff and my need to have very little, as well as the more held back emotions of my wife as she started feeling lonely as I was not the best guy anymore as I forgot about us and was to busy with all the things to keep running our daughter (who is still traumatized by leaving her okay city home).

The annual house moves took a toll on both of us and trying to believe we were finally moving back home to a settled and easier life. The vision of a beautiful, clean and bigger house that was all ours had long lost its shine (or as our 20 year old proclaimed, "You have been promising this house to me since I was 16 and now I'm planning when I can leave home."

Yet, the whole experience has taught me a lot about when I can push people to change and when I cannot, as well as not ignoring the little things  become so overwhelming and energy-zapping.

During a move, you know not to throw every family member's clothes into one big box. You sort them into individual boxes. It makes it so much easier to unpack when you get to your destination.

 Change isn't something that comes naturally to humans.

 

A quote I heard recently "The old needs to drop away before the new can arise within you." Yet, we stubbornly hold onto the past and fear the new. Moving house is a process of allowing the old to fall away. It can be traumatic because we become so emotionally attached with where we are. Yet, sometimes there is something bigger and better waiting for us that we need to experience, in order to be the person we want to be. 

Everyone evolves at their own pace. Planning a big move or change is really about giving our brains the time it needs to absorb that a new life is ahead of us. Some of us hold on tightly to where we are because it feels comforting and safe, while others jump onboard the change train gleefully and excited. 

It's not until we have moved that we can finally let go of our old daily habits and behaviors. Sometimes the move is positive as we experience new things that light us up and give our lives meaning and joy.  Other times, the move is negative and we find ourselves trapped in a small place that feels like our freedom and autonomy has been reduced. What I learnt is to keep the dialogue open between family members. Focusing on the dream house didn't work with one teenager. Giving them the time and space to vent and complain seemed to be what they needed, as well as not reacting negatively to things they said that were hurtful. 

In years to come, I know I will look back at this time as when myself and my family transcended our limitations and stepped into a new reality. A time when we all learnt individually who we really are and how to interact better with one another during uncertainty and pressure.

 

The Old Sailor,

 

My days at Sea ended

Dear Bloggers,

Once again it has been a really long time since I wrote my blog about my old job as a sailor…and I think I have come to realize the I’m just not one of those people who is a very good and regular blogger. Maybe it’s that I try to do my blogs to perfect and I will put too much detail into my posts…then they become too long.

However I did not want to leave this blog as an old sailorman that ended up landbased and would feel incomplete….I've had the feeling that my job at sea all of a sudden had come to an end and I walked around being unemployed and had to go search for a job that wasn't like evryone elses. I felt for awhile that i had failed and unfinished my job that I loved so much. So I decided to do my best and find a new one, A second kind of lasting love….

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So here is the short version of whats going on with me now….as I wrote in my former blogs, I started my new job with a temps office and learned how to be a bus driver on commuter busses close to home that was my first contract with them. As I was just there for the Summer but I stayed on until Newyears. I applied for a new contract with a different temps office for the same bus company but in the area of Groningen. The start was maybe quite rough but I learned quickly and some of the elder drivers told me, just do the best you can and don't be afraid to ask. 
 

I enjoyed the busy student routes and I found my way in most of the areas. During the seventh contract I got employed by the company at Qbuzz (the buscompany is one of the smallest ones in the country) …but then got transferred to the city of Groningen (the largest region and the biggest in the Northeren fleet!) Eventhough everything was better on the newest and largest depot I was not really happy here. (I enjoyed the old and quite a bit smaller depot and getting my own locker and little safetybox) I love the raw personalities of the drivers here as they are a smaal group and deal with the situations how they are crossing their paths. But let us go back to my goood old days at sea:

I have been sailing on the Mediterranean sea….with cruises starting out from Venice and Barcelona…and we docked in ports like Livorno (Pisa and Florence), Piraeus/Athens, Rome, and Naples and in Greece we saw some of the Islands(Santorini, Lesbos, zakhyntos.)…also Palma Spain (which is one of the most beautiful islands that I have ever seen). Also I got a chance to stop in Odessa in the Ukrain and Yalta on the Island Crimea, Limasol on Cyprus and we stopped over on Gibraltar and in Porto in Portugal as we were sailing up the Atlantic coast towards the North of Europe.

Also, my social life on the Astor was much more exciting than on any other ship or any other job. I actually kind of loved the job and hated on the same time over there….and though it did not work very well working long hours and going ashore and party after work…it was somewhat nice at the time as well. 
 

I visited so many amazing cities and places….in Venice Italy of course the Gondoleras…in Istanbul the Blue Mosque, well in Rome ROME!…I mean everything in Rome is beautiful…old…elaborate, and historical! And Athens the city of the Olympics and the Acropolis The tour starts at the temple of Olympian Zeus (6^th c. B.C.), one of the largest in antiquity and close by Hadrian's Arch (131 A.D.), which forms the symbolic entrance to the city. From there, we were walking along Dionysou Areopaghitou Street (on the south side of the Acropolis) you pass the ancient Theatre of Dionysos (5^thc. B.C.) where most of the works by Sophocles, Euripides, Aeschylos and Aristophanes were performed.

Continuing, you will reach the ruins of the Asklepieion (5^th c. B.C.) and the Stoa of Eumenens (2th c. B.C.) and from there the Odeion of Herodes Atticus, which was built in 161 A.D. and is nowadays the venue of the performances of the Atheus Festival.

From there you climb up to the sacred rock of the Acropolis, the site of some of the most important masterpieces of worldwide architecture and art, the most renowned of which is the Parthenon temple. Apart from this, also impressive are the Propylaea. The temple of the Athene Nike and the Erechtheion, while you shouldn't skip a visit to the Museum, located close to the Parthenon. Moreover, from the rock you have an impressive view of the city. My advise hire a tourguide and you will understand so much more about all this.

The Atlantic Coast, …with all of the gorgeous weather in gulf of Biscay, High winds and rolling ship, and the amazingly beautiful Island of Guernsey. I could not believe that after waiting all that time…and working on a few ships…I had finally made it to the Northsea in my part of Europe to see some of the most charming places I have ever had the privilege of visiting! 
 

However, as exciting and beautiful as my time onboard was….I was not really enjoying the job on the ship anymore. Honestly I don’t know if I ever really loved being a waiter on a ship with no youth and having the felling sometimes that I was there mental counselor…not that the job is that bad…it’s just as a person with a service education as a background…and being a bartender at heart…I really wanted to do more with serving cocktails and logdrinks…and all the other things that we offered… I got the feeling somedays that we were basically their shrink. As they were telling me things as I was their therapist….after a little while it becomes annoying. 
 

Plus on a ship the size of the Astor…with lots of elder couple’s (I think in high season we had over 50)…there was almost never ever drama and conflict so it was boring like …. I was tired of that too. Then there was ship life itself…though I loved being out in ports…I was always sad when it was time to head back to the ship and get back to work after a busy and sometimes exhausting day of roaming the streets of Europe. I just wanted to have some time to decompress,reflect and relax.…and on a ship like this I did not have that.  

Having all these reasons and probably more….I decided in March 1995 just before they began with sailing down South and do the Atlantic Crossing I offered my resignation to the Hotelmanager and stopped my contract I left the ship and the feelings were double I would miss it and on the other hand I was reunited with my love. My search for a job started again and I started to do something that I had been dreaming about for years.

I went on an interview to sail on a ferry again closer to home and still being overseas, in between the countries The Netherlands and the United Kingdom. The interview was in Amsterdam …and I heard back from them within a few months that I had the job and if I wanted it, I had to jump on today a rough start but that is typically me. I was so excited…because for over the last few years this was my dream to find closure for other things…I had been wanting to actually move to a totally different continent, and experience what it would be like to live in big country like Australia this dream failed unfortunatly as I enjoyed life there but there were no jobs due to economic recession and we were just trying to become actually residents of that country. (So no Australian girlfriend or someone from another foreign country would have become my wife or anything like that). 
 

Therefore…I knew that my time on the Astor…would not be my last time on a ship (at least full time for a long period.)…because in March 1995 I came back from Bremerhaven in Germany and found a job in a local tobaccofactory for the time being to pay the bills. And next to it I had a job in the weekends in a local discotheque (I travelled home on my own dime at that because I ended up shortening my contract)…and started my preparation for the new start of my life! It took a while to recover and fill up my resources.
 

So in April 1996, I had to come back home after a early morning shift and prepare for my new job in the DFDS company as a bartender and waiter. A bit of a short notice so we quickly bought some shoes and utillities for my uniform. I sailed for this company on several cotracts,jobs and ships. I started as a bartender and waiter, as a shop assistant, night security guard, restaurantwaiter and running the Guest Service Center. I'ne sailed on the King of Scandinavia, Prince of Scandinavia and on the “new” King of Scandinavia (renamed nowadays as King Seaways)

I am grateful for the experiences and the relationships my time on the ships brought, I wished that I was able to chronicle it in a better, and more detailed way…but I hope this blog has been helpful to someone. I will keep my blog open for anyone who still finds my posts useful…and I may (I’m not 100% sure) start a blog about my time on the M/S Astor. 

If I do…I will certainly post the pages here…so those of you who are interested can follow my journeys half way across the world and the intriguing world of the lives on a cruiseship. I probably have to split up the story in several posts and I'll promise that they will follow eachother on a montly base. Mylife on the ferry has been told in earlier posts,

Thanks to every reader for coming along on the journey…it has certainly been an interesting one to say the least…and I have been happy to share this with you!

The Old Sailor,

Old Sailor on a low carb and cleaner diet

Dear Bloggers,

Eat more of the good. Eat less of the bad. That is what the dietitian told me a couple of weeks ago. And yes I was skeptic until I started losing weight.
That’s the whole idea behind clean eating. It’s all about, well, cleaning up your diet so that there’s a greater focus on whole foods (think fruits, vegetables, protein and healthy fats), and less reliance on processed or refined foods.
The benefits of adopting a clean diet are pretty clear (reduced incidence of disease, increased quality of life, and a longer life expectancy, just to name a few). But ditching the donuts, pizza and mocha lattes can be a lot tougher than it sounds. (Seriously, if you need proof, check out how many people around you are more obese than you?)

The good news is there’s no need to wing it. Here’s your plan to help get your eating on track.Start Clean Eating Without a Hitch

“Trying to loose some weight and the best motivation to inspire change comes from within.”

Pinpoint your reason ‘why.’
Building any new healthy habit will absolutely require some effort, and eating clean is no exception. That’s why it’s so important first to determine what’s inspiring you to change. Maybe you signed up for a race or have a reunion coming up and want to look your best. Maybe you’ve been feeling sluggish and want to increase your energy throughout the day. Perhaps you’re thinking about your long-term health like me as I am a diabetes type 2 and about 40 kilos overweight and I wondered about what I can do to stay healthy in the near future. These are examples of getting motivated, positive reasons to aim for cleaner eating. And that’s a good thing. So I started with checking in with a diabetes nurse and a dietitian.Cleaning up your diet because someone told you to do it, or because you feel guilty about your current eating habits just isn’t as powerful.It has to come from within.

Determine first of all how much time you’re willing to commit.
Making meaningful life changes can often take several months or more. “People need to be aware that any goal worth achieving is going to take time. There is no fast-track to developing life-changing habits,” says a clinical counselor of health behavior change.

After establishing your ‘why,’ it’s time to sit down and think about how much you’re willing to devote to the process, from meal planning and doing grocery shopping, to food preparation and cooking. Making a relatively minor diet twists is like changing your usual snack from a bag of chips to a piece of fruit each day, might be a habit achievable in the short-term. But shifting towards a truly cleaner diet is a much longer-term objective for most. Have an hour to steal from your Sunday TV line-up? That could mean prepping healthy lunches for the entire week. Have 30 minutes a day? How about kicking your greasy takeout habit for good with preparing healthier meals within 30 minutes. Expensive is not the word even on a budget you can cook more vegetables and eat less potatoes for example.

Do a thorough audit of your current diet.
Despite the growing obesity epidemic, 90 percent of our Dutch adults report themselves as having a healthy diet. But how healthy is it really? I kept a food journal, and there’s no escaping the truth, I talked to a certified wellness coach who is training ice skating youngsters. “So often we think that we are on track, but when we actually see on paper what we are consuming, it is easier to tell where we might need to cut back,” he says. He told me to start a food journal (or download a fancy apps), and begin tracking everything you eat and drink for at least three days. This will help you gouge your starting point and allow you to identify any patterns emerging. Next, simply make two lists:

1. The not-so-healthy foods you want to reduce or remove from your diet. Note: If this list gets long, pick three to five obvious choices that you would like to deal with first (e.g. soda, fast food, sugary snacks, etc.).
2. The nutritious foods that are missing from your current line-up. A clean diet focuses on eating high-nutrient foods, not simply cutting out the junk. How many veggies are there? If you’re coming up short, come up with three to five you like most and add those to your weekly grocery list.
   
   
   

Choose your targets wisely.
After listing the less-healthy foods you want to reduce or eliminate from your diet as well as the healthy foods you want to incorporate, the next step is to make some strategic choices. Setting a few small goals that you can consistently act on is a much more effective approach than trying to take on everything at once. And they can add up fast.

Changing your life starts wit selecting one habit…only one habit per month.You can choose any habit whatever you think will have the biggest impact on your life.” What small clean eating habit are you going to target first? And which changes will likely to offer you the best chance of success? At the start of every new month, simply add on from there.

Make your goals specific and measurable.
Let’s say you want to begin the process of cleaner eating by tackling your evening cookie obsession or your bag of chips. But how exactly do you go about defining this goal? Maybe you’ll make a statement based on moderation: “I’m going to stop eating so many cookies.” But what does that mean exactly? Is one cookie per day allowed? Does the type of cookie matter?

Be specific and make your intentions measurable: “I will put all the cookies in the jar and will only take one out per day.” Or better yet, “I will stop eating preserved prepacked treats and allow myself one of these healthier homemade protein bites after dinner.” There is no ambiguity in this statement. You have a clear path that will lead you to control your sweet tooth.

The same goes for adding healthy foods to your diet. Saying “I will eat a low-fat quark instead of bread each day for breakfast” is a specific action that will ensure your breakfast is already healthier than before. It's your life and you choose.

Shop with a purpose.
Just like eating itself, grocery shopping is based on habits. You likely follow a certain route when you hit the store, so be prepared to forge a new course (hello, green stuff and meat!). Bring a detailed grocery list, and stick to it. (Extra tip: Avoid those chips and soda aisles altogether.)

Sure, some research shows that clean eating will put a bigger dent in your bank account than a diet filled with cheap convenience foods, but that doesn’t have to be the case. Some clean eaters practise a meatless Monday to reduce their grocery bills. Looking for in-season products, and buying in bulk are two other ways to keep your food costs down. I am eating sometimes two days in a row the same vegetables to keep the costs in hand. I am saving money by doing it like this.

Meal prep now, eat healthy when it counts.
Last but not least, it’s time to turn those healthy ingredients into clean,wholesome meals you’ll love. Start by searching out simple recipes that you can whip up quickly. You can find inspiration on healthy food blogs around the web, or get one of these free recipe magazines in the supermarket and check out which recipe is something for you.

Sure, preparing a meal is likely going to take a little more work than slapping together some pasta or grilling some burgers or anything like fast food’s, but you don’t have to do it all by hand either. There are all kinds of kitchen gadgets or pre cut that can help get the job done with less effort. And be sure to prepare in extra large batches so that you have plenty of leftovers to freeze for easy clean eating all week long.

When it comes to clean eating or any other health-related goal, achieving a sense of mastery is vital. When you experience success, you are likely to want (and get) more. Keep working on it until it becomes manageable, effortless, or even automatic.

When the effort is gone you’re ready to take on a new challenge, something that will move you closer towards a truly clean diet. What is the next “20%” that you want to work on? Again, the clean eating process takes time. But imagine how you will feel when you can look back, you might be ready to pick up something sporty, and see all the positive changes you’ve already successfully made. 

In my case I started with walking in the park with our dog and with my family. After half an hour I was done. I do this once a week and I challenged myself within six months I pushed myself to walk for 2 hours and approx. 10 kilometres. And yes I lost nearly 10 kilo grammes in the last six weeks. Yes you can do it just be positive.

The Old Sailor,

What if you cam't figure out what your dream is

Dear Bloggers,

I have to make a lot of decisions at the moment and find hardly any time to follow my dreams. And I think it’s a lot less about “What if” and more about “Why don’t I know what my dream is?” and probably more importantly “Where can I find my dream?“.

If you don’t have a dream and don’t care about not having a dream – well then you probably aren’t reading this anyway. If you don’t have a dream and you do wish you had one. Then I believe that wish for a dream is actually a sign that you do have a dream… it’s just buried under some other stuff right now.

I’m going to share some possible scenarios of what could be happening here and some ideas for what to do with them:

Scenario 1: You know what your dream is, but you are scared to admit it to yourself or to others. This is completely understandable! Having a dream is scary. Having a dream and going after it means everything in tour life could change. Having a dream and going after it means taking big risks. By not admitting that you have a dream, you can avoid all of this change and risk and uncomfortable stuff.

And yet...well, it’s still uncomfortable, isn’t it?

In avoiding change and risk you also avoid the joy of the dream come true. Mostly you avoid doing the thing you really want to be doing.

Your dream isn’t a superficial thing. It’s important. It comes from your heart and your soul. It’s tied to your purpose for being here on this planet. Avoid the dream and it will not go away. It will only grow more and more difficult to avoid. But all that stuff you are avoiding? It’s real too. And it’s scary. Pretending it’s not there is not a good plan. 

 

What may work here: Admitting it very quietly by writing it in your diary or your agenda. Start to give the dream just a little bit of space. You don’t have to tell anyone else about it and you certainly don’t have to do anything about it. Just give it some space to be and see what comes of that. Baby steps.

Scenario 2: You know what your dream is, but don’t believe that you can have it, so it’s kind of uncomfortable to think about it.

Awww. First I just want to give you a hug. Everything I said above about your dream is true: Your dream isn’t a superficial thing. It’s important. It comes from your heart and your soul. It’s tied to your purpose for being here on this planet. And also: Avoid the dream and it will not go away. It will only grow more and more difficult to avoid.

That last part is even more true in this case. Your dream is really important and it is asking you to work through your fear that you don’t deserve it or can’t have it for some reason. It is asking you to believe. What may work here: Asking “What if?” What if it was OK for me to pursue this dream? What If if was OK for me to have this dream? What do I think I deserve? What would have to happen in order for me to believe I deserve more?

Forcing yourself to go after your dream won’t be helpful here, working on changing your mind about what is possible for you will be helpful. Taking some slow baby steps towards your dreams may be helpful too. Sometimes that “I don’t think I can have it” starts to fade when it sees evidence that you really can have it.

Scenario 3: There is so much that you want to do, that you can’t pick just one to identify as “your dream”. Well this is actually a fantastic situation to be in, even though it doesn’t always feel like it. I really believe it’s better to have too many ideas than too few. I always have way more ideas and dreams than I can possibly work on.

Sometimes this “I have so many things I want to do I can’t commit to one thing” is just a way of sabotaging yourself, usually due to one of the fears mentioned above, so you may want to check those out and see if any of the ideas there feel like they may be helpful to you. If that’s not it, then what is happening here is a bottleneck. Too many ideas, too little time/resources and nothing can get through. You relieve the bottleneck by choosing some dreams to work on now and putting the other dreams aside for now. If the thought of putting some dreams aside makes you freak out a little: look at what is really happening here.

If you focus on one or two dreams for now, and actually bring them to life, then it becomes much easier to go back to those other dreams and bring them to life as well. With each dream come true you become more experienced at bringing dreams to life and you open up new possibilities for how to bring your dreams to life.

But still, choosing can be hard. What may work here: Asking yourself Which dreams am I most passionate about? This might help to narrow it down. If you start to work on the dream that you are most passionate about, all that passion can help to make it happen faster, so you can get back to the other dreams.

Or you can ask yourself Which dreams feel the easiest to work on right now? which is, of course, the easier way to go. Pick the low hanging fruit. Start with the easy dreams and work your way up. It could be that nothing feels easy but something is bound to feel easier than the others.

It can be hard to put some dreams aside. I have a desktop computer that is my place to put all of my opinions, ideas and dreams in. This way it doesn’t feel like they are lost, they are waiting for their right time to be brought to life. And sometimes, because creative dreams are magic, those dreams sitting in the notebook come true all on their own. Because they’re been taken out of the bottleneck! Dreams stuck in a bottleneck tend to not come true.

Scenario 4: You really just don’t know what your dream is:

Ask yourself: If I could have anything you want, what would it be? If you had no limits. None at all. Where would you live? How would you live? What would you do? How would you spend your days? How would you feel? What kinds of hobbies would you have? What would your social life be life? Your romantic life? Your finances? Your health? Your creativity? Your spirituality?

Somewhere in all of that there must be something you dream of. Something you want to build in your world. Your dreams are about so much more than wanting things to be different than they are. Your dreams are how you express your purpose and authenticity and uniqueness. Your dreams are healing. Your dreams can make a huge difference.

You don’t have to know what your dream is before you start working on it! I know, that sounds kind of crazy but it’s true. You can make finding your dream the dream you work on! Give your dreams a chance and live them you will be so much happier.

The Old Sailor,