Living with inflammatory arthritis

 

Dear Bloggers,

I probably have told you in earlier stories about my stiffness in joints and on a rainy and cold day it is harder to get out of bed and go on the move. No, I am not a complainer somehow there is a feeling that people around don’t know a lot about the condition and that there is a lot of pain involved. (One of the reasons that I only write once a month instead of every week.) I have used quite some pain relievers during the last fifteen years. As I stopped last year with the medication on advice of the rheumatologist. The inflammations took a flight. From sour joints until inflammatory bursitis in my hip and being treated with a nerve Intercostal Block on my rib.

Inflammatory arthritis is a condition many people endure for a lifetime. Thanks to advances in treatment, however, innovative medications can delay and even halt the progression of the disease, and non-drug approaches have can help relieve symptoms so you can live a full and productive life.

What is inflammatory arthritis?

Inflammatory arthritis describes a group of diseases caused by an overactive immune system. The most common symptoms are joint pain and stiffness. Affected joints may feel warm, swollen, and tender. But inflammatory arthritis can also affect other tissues in the body, including the lungs, heart, eyes, skin, and other organs. Left untreated, it can cause irreversible damage. Early treatment is the best way to relieve symptoms and limit the effects of inflammatory arthritis on the body.

While it’s not known what causes inflammatory arthritis in every patient, what is known is that the immune system does not know when to put on the brakes. Normally when we are exposed to bacteria, viruses, or fungi, the immune system produces white blood cells called lymphocytes as well as immune proteins to mount an attack against these invaders. Lymphocytes and immune proteins cause inflammation, which under typical circumstances is limited and resolves once the foreign substance is defeated.

But in someone with inflammatory arthritis, the immune response does not know when to stop. It turns on your body, attacking your own tissues instead of the foreign substance and causes continued inflammation. For this reason, inflammatory arthritis is known as an "autoimmune disease" − auto meaning "self" and “immune” because the immune system loses its ability to distinguish self from foreign.

How are inflammatory arthritis and osteoarthritis different?

Although they share some common symptoms, inflammatory arthritis and osteoarthritis are quite different diseases. Osteoarthritis is a common condition causing wear-and-tear of the cartilage of the joints due to age and/or prior injury. Here are some other differences:

Inflammatory Arthritis - A "systemic" disease which may affect the joints as well as other organs, such as the lungs, heart, eyes, tendons, and skin. Patients may show elevations in proteins such as rheumatoid factor, C-reactive protein (CRP), and erythrocyte sedimentation rate (ESR) on blood tests. Autoimmune disease related to body-wide inflammation.

Osteoarthritis - Symptoms are limited to the joints. Blood tests for biomarkers are negative. Mechanical wear-and-tear on joints due to age or injury.

 

What are the different types of inflammatory arthritis?

If you are experiencing symptoms that suggest inflammatory arthritis, your doctor will perform a number of tests, including a physical exam, blood tests, and imaging exams (such as X-rays, joint ultrasound, and/or MRI or CT scans). Sometimes the physician takes a sample of fluid from an affected joint for analysis − a procedure called joint aspiration. 

Based on the results of these exams, your physician will determine if you have inflammatory arthritis and if so, which type:

Rheumatoid Arthritis (RA) is the most common form of inflammatory arthritis. It tends to involve more than one of the small joints of the hands and feet. In particular, the lining of the joint or tendons (the synovium) is inflamed, causing warmth, pain, and stiffness. In 30% to 60% of people with RA, blood tests confirm the presence of proteins called rheumatoid factor (RF) or anti-cyclic citrullinated peptide (anti-CCP) antibodies. It is very important to control inflammation in the synovium to stop joint destruction and to treat RA to minimize damage to the heart, lungs, and eyes.

Psoriatic Arthritis is a type of arthritis called a "spondyloarthropathy" that is a combination of psoriasis (red, scaly patches on the skin, especially the knees, elbows, and scalp) as well as pain and swelling in the large and small joints and sometimes the spine. It can cause complete swelling of a finger or toe − a condition called "dactylitis."

 

 

Juvenile Idiopathic Arthritis (JIA) affects young people under age 16, causing inflammation in the joints and sometimes in the spine and ligaments (tissues that connect bone to bone) that lasts for more than six weeks. Swelling or mobility problems, including a limp if the legs are affected, may be the only signs of JIA. Some types of JIA cause eye inflammation that can occur without symptoms, so prompt diagnosis, treatment, and monitoring of JIA are vital to prevent permanent damage. Children and teens with JIA are best treated by a pediatric rheumatologist.

Ankylosing Spondylitis (AS) affects primarily the spin and hip joints, breastbone, and large joints in the body. Over time, AS can result in noticeably reduced motion in the spine. Up to half of people with AS have a gene called HLA-B27, the presence of which can help confirm the diagnosis of this condition when it is found in combination with AS symptoms.

Gout & Pseudogout (calcium pyrophosphate dehydrate deposition disease or CPDD) are forms of arthritis caused by elevated levels of certain crystals in the body. Gout results from excess uric acid, causing it to crystallize in joints such as the big toe and also raising the risk of kidney stones. CPPD occurs when calcium salts form in the joints and are engulfed by white blood cells, provoking inflammation − most commonly in the wrists and knees.

Other autoimmune diseases can cause inflammatory arthritis as a symptom. Examples include Sjogren’s syndrome and lupus.

You and your rheumatologist: A lifetime partnership

If you have inflammatory arthritis, it is imperative that you see a rheumatologist on a regular basis to monitor your health and customize your treatment. Rheumatologists are medical doctors with special training in the care of people with joint diseases and autoimmune diseases. They are different from orthopedists, who are trained in surgery and who may also be involved in the care of people with inflammatory arthritis when medical treatments are not enough.

How do you know whether to start with a rheumatologist or orthopedist? If you have ongoing joint discomfort without chronic swelling or other symptoms, such as fatigue, you may be able to see an orthopedist first. But if your joint pain is accompanied by warmth, swelling, other signs of inflammation, fatigue or discomfort in other parts of your body, a visit to a rheumatologist may be in order. Your primary care physician can guide you.

Because inflammatory arthritis is an autoimmune disease that can affect multiple parts of your body, you may need to see other specialists, too, to keep your symptoms in check and maintain the best quality of life possible.

To prepare for your visit with a rheumatologist:

·     Bring in a full list of your medications, including vitamins and supplements.

·     If you are already taking medications for inflammatory arthritis, make any notes about reactions or side effects you may be experiencing.

·     Provide a list of all health conditions you have had, prior surgeries, and symptoms you may be experiencing.

·     Prepare a list of questions you may have for your doctor.

Your rheumatologist may choose from a variety of treatment options for inflammatory arthritis, depending on the type and severity of your disease, such as:

·     Nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs) such as ibuprofen and naproxen.

·     Steroid medications (corticosteroids) such as prednisone, which are typically used for shorter periods of time because of their side effects.

·     Traditional disease-modifying antirheumatic drugs (DMARDs), such as methotrexate, hydroxychloroquine, sulfasalazine, minocycline, and leflunomide.

·     Biologic DMARDs, which target the proteins driving inflammation, such as infliximab, etanercept, abatacept, adalimumab and rituximab. These medications have revolutionized the care of people with inflammatory arthritis, sparing many from surgery.

·     Surgery may be indicated for specific joints with damage that can no longer be controlled by medications.

 

A diagnosis of inflammatory arthritis can initially feel overwhelming. It can take weeks or even months to come to terms with and understand what having this disease can mean in your life. By developing a close working relationship with your rheumatologist and other caregivers, however, there is much you can do to control inflammatory arthritis and maintain an independent and active lifestyle.

The Old Sailor,

Pain relief a diagnostic torture

 

In the end of October I visited the pain relief doctor. Nice word for Scrabble or gallows I just thought of. I was scheduled at the end of the afternoon and, as an expert by experience, I know that after a half-hour walk out you get a painful butt from sitting on the wrongly designed chairs which are specially designed for modern waiting rooms. When I am finally called in later I will be offered a cup of coffee immediately I hope (to ease the pain of waiting?) That hospital humor has never really suited me and I also think it is just schadenfreude really. The pain relief doctor has already explained at the consultation what the intention is. I will get a ultrasound guided Nerve Intercostal Block . I also went through this whole process in 2008 and the treatment is not very exciting although there are some risks of hitting a lung.

Back to the call and pain relief consultation for a moment. I was called if I could be at the hospital in half an hour and have a physical examination. Yes no problem I live ten minutes from the hospital so hop in the car and report. The doctor introduced herself and immediately started to write down my appearance (statuesque man, just a little too fat and pain on the left rib and of course), as it should be, a round of psychological questions was done. This is done to check that it is not imaginary pain. Quite a few "healthy" people seem to suffer from this these days. (I too use the Internet to look these things up).

The psychological examination was completed and we moved on to the physical. After explaining where the pain areas are located, they check pretty hard where exactly it hurts. I could cry and felt like I was about to go completely out of the conscious world. And no I am not very squeamish. I was seemingly able to convince the doctor quickly enough that I was going through hell and the examination was stopped for a while. It was moved on to the back to see if something could be wrong here. A number of suggestions for treatment were made and I had already indicated myself to have it treated as soon as possible. For this I will be referred to the pharmacy for pain relief medication to get through the coming time and some so-called blocking will be done on the rib on the left side at the end of the month. Once I left the hospital, I almost choked with pain in the car and we drove home. I could cry.

And then of course you have to keep eating, after eating a plate of macaroni, I vomited it out into the toilet bowl within 2 minutes under heartfelt apologies. The all-consuming pain couldn't even keep my stomach contents in place. Like being stabbed and the wound just wanted to remind you.

If that pain alone can be cut in half then I am already happy. After so many years I am quite used to it, I must say, and I have always told myself that my environment should not be a victim of my problems. But God Almighty what a pain.

 

 

And finally yesterday we had our adventure at the pain clinic and I must say it is just a strange idea, that for once it doesn't hurt anymore like it did for more than a while. It remains to be seen because at the moment there is still residual pain because the syringes have been inserted and this gives a more severe pain than before but as a reasonable positive guy I am hopeful again, after a week I should be able to do everything again. And then soon I will finally be able to throw myself into some light housework again without complaints afterwards.

I have been sweeping the room whistling a song again that did not happen for many years. And that's quite an amazing sensation when you've had to put the brakes on yourself for so long. I feel like a full person again although I will remain a "cripple" to the rest of the world. But yes, I can only rejoice and put on my old-fashioned bad boy costume again. I am going to do lots of naughty things again. The doctor did warn me not to overestimate myself now, and that it is not certain until the prednisone wears off. It is and remains junk but yes if it makes life less painful. (In the physical sense.) Now to deal with the aftermath of the pain which will be there for about a week as they stick a big needle in you which will give some pain as they shoot in some anti-inflamatorial meds and after this my life will be a big party again. Mentally seen there will be some party poopers and of course the medical bills will not be very small luckily we are insured for this. Anyway there will be those other pen licking ass- #@#$&@@#$ like the tax authorities for example have to cooperate a bit. So there will be some challenges during the holidays.

To give a bit of a picture of what the treatment is here is a link to a You Tube movie:

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m--qyUUzH5U

 

The Old Sailor,

Sitting quietly and look at the debris of my younger years

Dear Bloggers,

Doesn't a new start sound great? When life becomes difficult, you have failed several times, you have messed up a perfect relationship, and you are bored of your job, your house, your friends, and family; a new start sounds exciting when we find ourselves stuck in the mediocrities of life. We all have a past, and for some, it may be memorable, for others it may be horrible. Whatever the past looks like the enemy majors in causing us to indulge in what was. I am afforded the opportunity to have healthy discussions with many people from the young to old, mature and immature, strong and weak but what I recognize is from the least to the greatest the most common issues among them all is letting go of the past.

 I spent or should I say "Wasted" a lot of time and energy on what was, and what could have been. But I am grateful for the present and the bright future that I have in front of me and it's there for you too. I want to encourage you to take your time through this plan and to commit to stop looking back on all the negatives in your life. Our memory is not the enemy, but the way we use our memory will determine the damage. When I look back on life, it is for only moments of seeing what has happened and what it did to me and how I pickede it up how it has brought me through. As you are on the journey with me, I want you to understand that a new start is available to you no matter where you've been or what you have done. Maybe you should clean up the debris and give yourself a brand new start. There is always a moment for new beginnings, and now I look at every disappointment, hurt and pain as an opportunity to birth something new. We do ourselves a great injustice, when we keep looking back negatively.

 
In my life I faced many challenges that already started when I was still young and I lost the first one that I really loved. All of a sudden it struck me and a voice whispered that I should go home. In my head I knew that something has badly happened to someone. The closer I got to home the more I got the feeling that something was wrong with my girlfriend. I kept seeing images of an operation theatre and she called me. This wasn't a bad dream when I came home my mum was sitting at the table and she was crying. My dad was looking sad and said: Listen Son “I've got bad news to tell you.” I reacted I think I already know that she passed away. After the funeral I had to go back to school but nothing reached my brain as I was living in a bubble. I lived as someone who was heavily sedated. After I messed up my final exams I got a letter from the government to join the army.
 

In the beginning I did not like to be there. Ok, I did my best but not my utmost. Untill the moment I met the corporal that had served in Lebanon. He told me that this was just the simple live and out there you did not know what the next day would bring. Loosing buddies and being shot at. His story was fascinating me and it inspired me to be a better soldier. At an exercise in Germany, we had to load a bridge and we ran into a few supporters of Rote Armee Fraction, or at least so they claimed. I came face to face with one of these figures. My motto was to capture or kill him. But killing someone was not allowed in peacetime. in a blow with the butt of my rifle, I disarmed my opponent and went into a handbattle with him. I decided to silence the screaming and slapping bastard. I knocked him out and tied him up and hung him on the outside of the bridge. And then I chased his companion into the hands of the other guys. When my freund woke up he screamed like a lean suckling pig. We had to take them down and they were handed over to the local authorities. I was fined for my actions when we were back at base. I didn't care as I had the feeling that I did the right thing and no one got really hurt. Jus t another scar on my face and on my reputatioin. I was selected to go to Lebanon but the government stopped the project.

I was all of sudden being transferred to an other part of the country a bit closer to home. I needed to fit in the group of soldiers and go with them on excersises building bridges man the radio and securing the place. This was part of my life for the coming months not understanding wat the plan was untill the Sergeant Major called me in his office and told me to shut the door behind me. The only thing that crossed my mind was that I had done something silly again in the last cou;ple of days as I was bored like hell. He send me on a mission to Germany to do something for a special unit. I had to dress up like a regular Jake. I got some train tickets and some cash for my expences. In Germany I had to ring a number and I would get an address to go to meet an other guy who worked for the same network. I was surprised that no one really knew what this group was doing. The operation was strange and I had to take a British guy back with me as he was captured in the Eastern part of Germany which was still splitted up at that time.. I travelled back with the British guy called Rowan and we had to behave like tourists to get back to The Netherlands. Just at he first trainstation we got off the train and I dailed the number that I got from the German guy. Rowan was picked up by a British driver and they drove of. I called the number that and told them that the mission was completed and I could go home. Later I learned that this was a mission to bring servicemen and women back home.

After my Army days I had to fit in the normal life again I missed the militairy stuff in a way. On the other hand I was happy that I had survived everything that came on my path.I stated a job as a dishwasher in a local restaurant and had ambitions to grow in this business. And I did first of all in a local bar and a small disco. I rented myself out as a waiter and bartender and I had a lot of fun doing this. During the wintertime I worked in factories to keep the bills being paid. I had a few relationships during this times but they ended not from my side. Maybe they did not really love me.
 

At certain moment I met my wife and she could live with me and all my funny ways. Of course as in every relationship there are ups and downs. I started a job as a waiter on passengership but at first it was not succcesfull things from my past brought me on my knees. I had to stop and after a period of getting my life together. When I was ready again I took a job as a bartender on a small cruiseliner the crew was great and the food was crap. Heavily drinking after the shift solved a lot of the problems. 

After a while I moved back home and got a job on the DFDS ferries on the lines between Asterdam and Newcastle and Hamburg and Harwich. During this period I tripped and fell down the stairs at home and do the crash I lost my balance and speech for several months . Do to hard work and help from family and friends I recovered almost fully and after a few years I was back on board. I did many jobs during these years on board and ended up in the Guest Service Centre. when my health deteriorated and I was forced to look for another job according to my specialist, a reorganization had to take place and my job was at stake. After my discharge, I decided to become a bus driver in public transport after about six months. It changed my outlook on life. We are enjoying our moments together in our own way. I am sitting behind my computer writing my blog and my head is traveling down memory lane.

 
Not that bad I think for a regular guy who never got his high school diploma but learned a lot on the way to a regular life with a regular job. No I am nothing special to you but for the ones I love I am their special specalist who is happy most of the time. 

And it doesn't matter if it is dark out there we have to believe that there is always the Sun to come out. Every good day is called yesterday.

We were made to move forward, and it's time to stop looking back.

The Old Sailor,

A trauma is something horrible to live with

Dear Bloggers,

Let me start this story with a bit of introduction of who I am in my daily life. I am a person with a wide range of humor and I am also pretty down to earth. I am not known for being high emotional or quickly into panic. Unfortunately I blew my fuses out a while ago. This was a weird roller coaster ride of old memories that were buried a long time ago. As this state of mind might become dangerous I took a step towards a psychologist to find out why this part of my memories took over the main control. 

A trauma brings with it flashbacks of memory and strong emotions, which are often uncomfortable and difficult to cope with. Typically these symptoms are followed by the fight or flight response…. This is just natural; as instinct tells us to do everything we can to avoid pain and discomfort. Unfortunately, avoiding trauma symptoms can be detrimental instead of helpful. Resisting and avoiding trauma symptoms often brings on more intense emotions as well as increased frustration, anger, and panic.

I often use this analogy to explain why this happens: Imagine you are out in the ocean, far from shore. Giant waves are coming, very intimidating and scary. The first instinct is to fight, to swim as hard as you can back to shore. However, unless you are a physical anomaly, you only end up exhausting yourself and don’t get closer to your goal of safety. When exhausted, you are at higher risk of drowning. Thus, survival experts advise that the best thing you can do in this type of situation is to allow your body to relax to conserve energy, floating instead of fighting. This gives you a better chance of getting through the ordeal and allows time to calm yourself so you can think clearly about what to do to in order to survive.

I was advised to do the same thing when I am experiencing traumatic symptoms. On many occasions during my life, I have seen shock and confusion on their faces when I tell them to stop fighting their symptoms and to just go with them, instead of making them worse, but also not fighting or avoiding. It sounds absurd, I know, how to advise others against fighting panic, awful memories, intense emotions, and flashbacks. After all, don’t we want relief from those symptoms? Of course we do. It is natural to want to be without pain. I was asked by my therapist to take the risk and try just riding the waves of my own symptoms, experiencing and observing them without feeding into them and making them worse and especially all the while not trying to make them better, either.

When we try to make our symptoms better by fighting or avoiding them, we are often fighting a losing battle. The body and brain are amazing. They know what they need to do to work through trauma, and we often get in the way of that process because it is uncomfortable and sometimes downright painful. Healing often involves pain. Think about a time you had an injury of some sort (a broken bone, sunburn, a cut, or any other physical ailment). Think about the healing process and how it wasn’t always comfortable. Often there are uncomfortable or painful sensations that come as a result of the body trying to heal itself.

The same is true when we have experienced a traumatic event. Our brains need the chance to process what has happened. When we fight or avoid the discomfort, not only do the symptoms last longer and become more intense, but we become frustrated because we were not successful in getting rid of the symptoms as soon as we wanted to. 

The good news is this my therapist said: “I have seen the awe on the faces of people when they allow themselves to experience and observe their symptoms, and find that it does indeed work to decrease the intensity and duration of their emotions, flashbacks, and panic. They find that their symptoms have far less power over them and they are able to increase their ability to function in their lives.” This is what riding the waves is all about. The goal is to decrease the suffering in a way that is conducive to healing.

To learn to do this, I would advise that someone experiencing a trauma to reach out for professional help for a few reasons. First, this process can be scary, and a professional can give you the support and monitoring necessary while you are developing this technique. Also, additional coping skills are helpful and necessary when one is learning to ride the waves of their symptoms. Lastly, a professional can help you to develop a comprehensive treatment plan for trauma that will be tailored to your individual needs so you can get the best outcome possible.

Believe me it is better to find help than to drown in your own emotional sea.

The Old Sailor,

The Silent Abuse or the Mind Game

Dear Bloggers,

Today I will write about what is happening in my neighborhood to a person that I love. But her boss is an absolute ….. and a bully from the high end. He is probably brought up with this behavior as he is from a total different culture as the Western European one. He really knows how to bring someone down and abuse them until they are leaving.

Crazy enough the company gives them a free hand to play their game unless someone stands up to him and complains. We have all suffered many forms of abuse during your school time  or at work or even maybe at home but the least talked about is “The mind game” otherwise known as the silent treatment, 

Deliberately ignored to cause harm to another person’s mental well-being, sent to Coventry and it’s one of the most harmful methods of abuse used by abusers who feel that: “If they do not use their hands to physically abuse then it isn’t abuse.”

Wrong way of thinking, I would say.

It is abuse to ignore some ones needs emotionally and make them feel worthless and depressed and will cause long term damage that in many cases can lead to the victims’ physical health being harmed.

To deliberately cause harm to someone by use of the silent treatment, deny a person any emotional care, deny them any praise, starve them of love, affection, compliments, positive feedback, to regularly reject, degrade and deny a person any emotional responsiveness and to ignore a person’s needs is mental abuse or also known as psychological abuse.

It is repetitive abuse that’s aimed at controlling, diminishing another person’s well-being in order to hurt, punish, harm or control them. The silent abuser is able to switch himself off emotionally to the pain and suffering he is causing his victim and will deny he is the problem and he may tell himself or others that he is the victim.

You will stop being a victim when you become the abuser

The abuser is capable of closing down all reasonable sense of emotions and turn into a cold heart very fast as he withdraws into his own world without any care for his victim’s distress.

The abuser will behave in society charming, calm, happy, he will be seen by others as a pillar of society, gentle natured, helpful, kind, caring and fool the outside world into thinking he is abused and his partner is the abuser. This is classic for a mental abuser. They will have their partner labelled as a mental case whilst he plays the victim and saint and makes her the subject of every ones rejection by labelling her with an unbalanced mind.

The true victim will be further rejected not only by her abuser but also by his friends, work colleagues, family and others he is likely to meet. The abuser needs to feel in control and he will seek constant approval from those around him and convince them that he’s the true victim. They will offer him advice and he will feed off their pity which will make him feel even more in control as he plays the victim.

The true victims may withdraw from all social activities, work, stop seeing family, they stop being fun, will see everything in a negative light, stop eating which is the start of dangerous health issues, cry alone, send text terror messages as a means to fight back which only gives the abuser more ammunition to abuse her with as he will use that as a further excuse to ignore and make her look bad in front of others.

The abuser will happily share the text messages because he wants everyone to see him as the victim. The true victim will stop functioning on all levels as the mind games take over her life. She will find it hard to think of anything else but what is happening to her. The victim will fight with her own mind and struggle to work out if she is being abused or is she truly the problem. The victim may start behaving irrationally from the stress caused by the mental abuse.

Mental abuse is not normally seen by anyone on the outside looking in because they see the abuser as a strong, calm, caring and sincere person and will not be able to see the true character behind the person in front of them that they think they know so well.

Do you really know the person standing next to you?

Out of all the abuse I suffered the one part of the abuse I have always struggled with is the “being ignored” because when I begged for the abuser to stop no one listened. The more I was ignored the more it built up an extreme and unlikely intolerance for being “ignored” which has stayed with me as an adult. I left care with that intolerance to the ugly side of human nature that sees many people misuse the silent treatment to harm others.

Some justify this behavior and kid themselves that it’s in some way an honorable stance to take. Ignoring someone briefly when done to express dissatisfaction is very different to the silent treatment. To ignore someone as a regular means to punish, hurt or upset someone as payback or for whatever reason, it is in my opinion and the opinions of experts to be considered one of the worst forms of mental abuse that exists in human nature. It causes irreparable damage to a person’s mind and will see the victim’s behavior change slowly but noticeably when it’s out of control by others who are close.

There are times the abuse continues and the victims show now outward signs to those who are close whilst the mental abuser gets to witness the dramatic and extreme behavior change in direct response to his/her mental abuse in the “silent treatment”.

The silent treatment is a form of punishment and control and the person using it to harm another feels a lack of care and cannot or will not communicate as she/he watches the victim slowly deteriorate from being a lively happy and fun person into becoming withdrawn, reclusive or maybe verbally aggressive to the abuser in a vain bid to stop the abuse of the mind.

The person dishing out the “silent treatment is FULLY aware of the damage they are doing and they are FULLY aware that all they need to do to stop it is to simply talk to the victim. The abuser will not talk to the victim and when he does he will constantly lead the victim into a false sense of security at leisure. Then ignore again.

The abuser will provoke any situation with silence which triggers off the victim who can never work out what has happened to warrant more silent treatment and again the victim finds himself/herself fighting desperately with the abuser in a vain bid to stop her/him giving the silent treatment all over again.

The victim’s behavior can change so dramatically he/she is hardly recognized as being the same person. Every time the silent treatment begins the victim is pulled further and further down and the abuser sits back and carries on with daily chores blatantly ignoring the victim whom is obviously so distressed that no normal thinking individual person could sit back and watch such a shocking display of suffering.

The victim may withdraw completely, stop talking i.e. friends, stop socializing, stop eating, start drinking, stop working, start text terrorism against the abuser as a defense mechanism of protection but it never works, suicidal thoughts, self-harm and that’s just a few of the side effects of a victim suffering from mental abuse.

The “silent treatment” otherwise named as “deliberate intent to ignore” or “Attachment” which means absent to cause harm which is where an abuser completely cuts the victim off and the abuser will not budge. They often acknowledge in their own minds that the victim is suffering but do nothing about it and walk away and simply ignore it.

The latter is a very dangerous form of mental abuse.

I have often heard stories of men ignoring their partner after causing her such distress that she has taken to self-harm or attempt to take her own life from where the mental abuse has weakened her once strong mind into a nerve wrecking display of self-doubt and depression. The abuser will hear her calls of desperation and he will empty himself of all emotions and walk away. He will show no emotions as she tries to take her own life. He will convince himself that she deserves it for hurting his feelings by trying to fight back. 

It’s not often friends get to witness the mental abuse of the systematic silent treatment from a partner because it is silent but in some cases friends will witness erratic behavior of the victim and they can’t quite understand what’s going on because the victim will blame everything but her abusive partner. It is rare anyone on the outside of the relationship sees the suffering of the victim as the abuse often like most forms of abuse stays “within the immediate relationship”. The male abusers friends will only see this charming friend they all love because he will do anything for them but seldom do his friends or family witness what he is doing to his partner. They will only see the abusers partner’s displays of distress.

The “silent treatment, ignoring or Attachment treatment” abuser is fully aware of their actions and fully aware they are causing a significant amount of harm to the victim in most cases but there are those who do believe they are the victim. The victim may at times have the odd outburst in front of others or in a public place. The abuser will then inform his family of every little thing his victim partner does as he seeks refuge and portrays himself as the victim in need of support because he has a totally “maniac” partner whose lost the plot.

This form of mental abuse is often used by the man more so than a woman. It is still a common thing in many cultures were man and woman are not seen as equals.

Eventually once the victim has been totally broken down by the mental abuser she will give up fighting back and beg for forgiveness and beg the abusive partner to forgive her. She may well go to the extremes to try and make it up to her man because she has been broken in and is now under his mind control. The man will continue to use this method of mind control and ignore, use the silent treatment or attachment tactics until his partner has been totally exhausted, feels totally helpless and it opens her up to being controlled so the man gets what he wants.

Sadly this form of abuse has seen the deaths of women who self-harmed or attempted suicide as a cry for help and those cries for help ignored by the abuser and have resulted in her death.

Self-harm - deliberate cutting or mutilation of one’s own body including rip hair out, stop eating, stop going out, withdraw from society, cut off their hair, stay in bed, over eat or attempt suicide.

The reason I am touching on this subject is because I found on the Internet a number of women who are going through this same process right now with their partners or have just left such an abusive relationship and sit in silence blaming them-selves.

I also want to touch on this subject because I am a survivor of abusive behavior during my army days and I myself have gone through the mental health process and contrary to what people believe, I still cannot stand people that are not open to me. All because of one lunatic guy my life has changed as I don't trust a lot of people. And still it is not easy to write about this as the guy who attacked me with a combat knife had totally lost his mind. And yes I have been lucky that my mates saved me that day. I got counselling and the attacker got fired.

Let me go back where I was. Men who have been abused as children physically, sexually or mentally or suffered abuse by a parent due to the damaging effects are well known for using the “silent treatment, ignoring and attachment methods to punish and control their partners. These men will convince themselves they are not abusing because they haven’t physically hit the woman and he will convince her he’s very good to her by not saying anything.

He will almost always convince himself he’s the victim and show no remorse at all for the suffering he is causing by punishing and controlling someone he claims to love. These men are often found to not contribute to the relationship they are in and show little or no care or respect for his partner and will continue to expect her to hold the entire relationship together all by herself whilst he laps up the comfort of control and does nothing to help contribute or support the relationship. He will not show emotions when challenged or he may eventually turn to violence.

Regardless of the circumstances, mental abuse and the negative power of the “silent treatment, being deliberately ignored or the attachment abuse is never the less very damaging for those on the receiving end and needs to be address by either the abuser entering therapy or for the victim to leave the situation.

If the man recognizes he’s an abuser he can seek help from a professional help. The victim must seek professional help to get out of such an abusive relationship before she is so worn down it will diminish her life slowly but surely.

When does the silent abuse turn into physical abuse? 

The Old Sailor,