Showing posts with label beautiful. Show all posts
Showing posts with label beautiful. Show all posts

April 1, 2017

Inner Peace and a way to share it that is what I do and what are you looking for?

Dear Bloggers,
I travel forty minutes by car to the area of woods where I plan to hike. I drive up to a hill and park next to a couple that is taking their dogs for a walk. The hill that I am climbing is an old overgrown garbage dump. I open my door and step outside to a green grassy world. I take the dogs out of the trunk. The sun is shining overhead surrounded by a bright clear Dutch blue sky. I instantly feel more at peace. I head to the opening in the woods, and begin looking around, noticing the beauty of nature which is awaking slowly from the winter sleep.  I breathe in the clean air deeply, wanting to take it all in.

The head of the trail is lined with flowers; yellow daffodils, and crocuses in  purple, and white. The trees are of all sizes, and as I walk further down the path, the trees start getting bigger, taller, wider. When I walked here last summer it was becoming darker here. When I begin walking deeper into the woods, I’ll see just a few streams of light shining through the tree tops which are getting green.  The wind is gently blowing, creating shadows of the tree tops and leaves as they dance on the rhythm of spring.

I continue walking further and deeper into the woods and up the hill we go.  I notice a large dark grey concrete kind of staircase up ahead. As I get closer I see a rich green moss covering one side, a man made waterfall is near, I can hear the water trickling over the small steps. I keep walking, and with just a few steps I can see the water from the spring as it moves across my path. I step over it’s only a few steps wide but the stepping stones are wet, and I look at the beauty of nature as our dogs are running around like nuts.
The path begins to climb in elevation… My sense of peace deepens as I continue going to the top into an open field. I keep walking. I keep climbing in elevation. The path curves to the left and then back to the right. I keep moving forward, in my own speed I’ll find my way up the hill.  I love that it’s a total different level and again beautiful and it’s sunny up here. I walk closer to the edge of the other side. Here I’m looking at the city in the distance. I look down below on the other side and see a canal  gracefully winding through the base of the landscape, and when I look up to the sky, overwhelmingly, I feel a grateful energy called live. I breathe it all in.

On the next few months I will be coming back to this hill as often as I can to cultivate the peace within me. It was shortly after I began driving busses that our life began to change in a big way. My wife was loosing everything that she had, but I didn’t know it yet that her brain snapped and she stopped functioning as a wife and mother and slowly she was falling to bits and peace’s. 

I had to go on unemployment benefits due to Dutch regulations I had to be laid off for half a year, it was not really working in our favor. I dove deeper into myself practicing Tai Chi again using channels like You tube and remembering it from my past, and surprisingly I found even deeper moments of peace. Once I realized how simple it actually all really is, it made me a little angry at myself for all the years I wasted living an incomplete life.

When you find something that gives you that gift, after all of the years of searching for  a better you and your only suffering, you want to share it out to the world. You want everyone to feel the peace within. I’ve been looking for ways to share it with others ever since. Because once you find something so good, so wonderful, you feel as if you have to share it out to the world. Unfortunately not everyone understands what you are telling them.

As I continued my journey in life, I began noticing more, and having more awareness of habits and patterns. For instance, I would of never been able to have this realization and be on the path to living my life, if I didn’t lose everything I loved.  If you lost people that you have loved with every inch of your being, Yes I know it sounds a little airy-fairy or even a bit insane.

Anyway time continued on, I took a lot more training to keep contact with myself and the world around me, taught a lot more  things to our dogs. Sharing the peace that i found within. Creating the habit of practicing at the beginning of the day and hoping for a sensational sunrise. Since I had to spend my time during the  morning I started taking long walks, I decided to go hiking towards the sunrise every Thursday morning to stay in balance and practice. And it is so beautiful and also inspiring that I again felt like I needed to share this. Somehow I feel better than ever before.

The Old Sailor,

October 22, 2012

Enjoying the Autumn Sun



Dear Bloggers,

Soon the holidays are coming and autumn is all of sudden there. The weather is a bit funny. Some days stormy weather is bashing on your windows and a day later you can walk around in a shirt as it is nearly 20 degrees Celsius. Anyway I am enjoying the beauty of the landscape that is passing by. 


Autumn colours are so beautiful. And this fall we have been blessed with a couple of sunny days and more than only a few rainy ones. The air is getting crisper and you can smell the lit fireplaces through the chimneys. I love that smell. It means winter is on it’s way.



I love autumn, for so many reasons, and yet it invariably manages to make me sad, I find that autumn turns the still pool of my nature to the very dregs, and kicks up all sorts of murky stuff while it is at it. Coals slowly turning into diamonds, the moon is trapped beneath a branch, and, like the coming winter, it can also cut to the bone, winter winds that twist and turn and are hard to evade.


A series of disappointments that a few years ago I would have either sublimated into hard physical work, or run away from, or sunk deep into and found it hard to get out of again.  This year seems to be different.  I am simply sitting with my feelings, even it feels impossible. 


I saw a butterfly today on my morning walk – a red admiral that settled on the muddy footpath, churned and turned by some farm vehicles. It flittered about, close to the earth as though weighed down by care, and couldn’t seem to lift its way up into the open air, and then it settled, opened its wings to the sun and waited. Just waited. And I waited with it. The sun seemed to fill it, to renew it, colours achingly bright on its wings, and then it picked itself up and flew away, looping and twisting over the fields into a new day.


Perhaps that is the lesson that I need to learn here? To open myself to love and pain in equal measure, and trust that whatever happens, the sun will always shine and I will always be able to pick myself up and move on. Autumn proceeds slowly, hedgerows turning golden in the sunlight, berries picked up by the birds as they prepare for winter. Sometimes it is hard to appreciate all this beauty around me, but it is always there, regardless, just waiting for me to see it once again and to know myself a part of it, connected to the land even as my feet walk upon it, my mind is a million miles away.


Accomplished a bit of Sunday cleaning today, vacuumed the house, rinsed the toilet and got myself ready for the evening shift. Last night I lit some candles. When I pulled the curtains as it was dark and wet outside.  “Hmmm....autumn is really here” I said to my wife. “Poked up” our central heating system and during the day I took the water ornaments out of the garden and stowed them in the shed. 



It’s getting too big for me to pack em all up about every year, so it’s going to a new home as soon as we sell this one and hopefully next spring we’ll live in a smaller home. It’s not that I’m getting too old to carry a big ugly chunk of machinery through the house. It’s not that. I just don’t know what is going to come. Maybe we need to change our garden plans. I really don’t have a clue. I see it as a waste of my time and energy.


Fall is settling into Friesland. The sun is lower in the southern sky, too tired to heat things up anymore. It’s cold enough outside that you could wear a jacket without sweating, and yet still warm enough to walk around without a coat at night. I know because we just got back from a nice little walk to the mailbox in the village centre which is just north of here by about ten minutes. There are already a lot of desiccated autumn leaves blowing around and the grass is still green in every yard. 


It is the in between season as we all know that in a couple of weeks this year will come to an end. The holidays are sitting at our front door and the garden is ready again for Christmas as the lights are installed again.

We are ready for the holidays, it is only a couple of weeks away.

The Old Sailor,


March 10, 2012

The dream of my youth


Dear Bloggers,

I do probably dream a lot but most of the mornings that i wake up, I do not remember a single thing. Only sometimes I can recall the story of my dreams and they have the strangest subjects. This is one of these dreams that I had for a couple of days now and i wander why do I have this dream? Is it that I want to know what happened to people from my past or is there somewhere deep inside something left that should be questioned? I thought that I had finished this story many years ago when we broke up and went our own ways again. It is strange how the mind pops up these stories and my question is why does this occur so many years later? Am I still looking for answers from my youth or is there something hidden deeper. Is this the life that I imagined many years ago or what?



As we both have a job and work in different day shifts. We normally forget a few things when we do our shopping. As I am on my way already this morning my wife called me on my cellphone if I could drop by the supermarket and by some groceries for the evening meal and some bread rolls for lunch. And after the call I drive towards the supermarket to get the goodies. I rush (literally) with my little red car into the carpark at the supermarket. It is terribly busy and so I just curse when I must drive a second round to secure a spot. I throw my car around the corner, search along the more distant parking lots and see an empty spot in the corner near the supermarket as I see someone drive off, so thats good.



As I was heading off to that spot on my eye suddenly falls on the woman at the edge of the sidewalk waiting with her little daughter. A typicall Dutch female figure, a head full of curly brown hair, deep brown eyes, pale skin with a red blush ......... involuntarily squeezes of my stomach. "Oh my god, it’s Esther ..." I mutter softly to myself.

I park my car and I thank God on my knees this morning that I have decided for once to dress myself neatly on a Saturday In a long black shirt, dark black trousers and neat shoes to match as I walk towards the carts. I see her coming around the corner at the same time but I just rethink how small the chances are, that she would remember me and I climb over the fence for the carts so I can avoid her ..


How long wiould it be now, pfff think almost 28 years or so. Suddenly I see myself again in mind: Just 16 years old, I walk into the harbour area and its end of the season time for the fancy fair, the new backpack that my parents gave me is hanging around my shoulders. And there are my friends hanging out by the bumper cars together with some nice looking young ladies. I introduce myself to the girls and somehow this Esther girl is catching my eyes. I look at her and for the first time in my life I feel butterflies, wow ..." Hi Esther ......I am out of words for the first time in my entire life ... "Much more is gone from me, I am now vibrating and fire red. I drink my beer and head for the bar to get us some new beverages.......dry throats are dreadfull.

I have meanwhile grabbed my cart and turned around. There's really a look of recognition in Esther's eyes to see, so I greet friendly and walk by. My goodnes I am shy again, nothing changed.




Of the way to the eshentrance I think back on that period ....Of course it was obvious that I am in love with Esther I yoyally fall for her and there was a click between us. We could get along well together and the fair was always a good start fo a new relation because it had to happen. And that did it, we grew more and more towards each other and the end of this evening was my dream. We walked together through an open field and I pointed to the stars, "do you see that group of stars Esther? In the form of a saucepan? That's the big bear ... "She is leaning against me to point to the stars and I feel my body shiver as in a panic attack. I turned to her and looked her straight in her eyes. "Esther ..." my voice was hoarse, 'This really can not .. you're going to be my first real girlfriend ... after......"When my gaze fell I said softly," I am so scared to do this and then she said it was not a problem,,,,we are taking it easy ... that you are in doubt with me .. "" Yeah but it really can not ... and I really need more time to....."And so she took my heart and kissed me as never before. Our relationship was passionate and roughly edged. I really had some serious butterfly problems. We lost the love for each other after 6 months, the fire had died out slowly and we broke up with no hard feelings and that was that ... But forget her? No, never.....ever ..she had started me up again.


As I throw my stuff in the cart, I see that Esther, of course, took the same route as me. When I walk through the isles. Her cart is at a certain moment in my way and so she says softly as she looks at me, 'Sorry' and pulls the cart away.



I feel really confident and ridiculous at the same look at her and smiled, "Do not worry" 'Once at the vegetables I am no longer able to sustain and I am all blushing (bizar!!) She speaks to me," Hi Sailor, how are you? "Well the wild hairs are still there but I turn to graying," HEJ Esther, yes everything alright with you? "While I ask my question, I look at her as well: Yes she is also older now but still good looking and somehow she looks nervous. "Yes it is not to bad with me, my daughter and I have a small home for almost a year now," Again, I look at her smiling, "The little girl is approx 6 years or so," Now she smiles at me, "Yes the drum still beats "We look at each other, each too long, and the little girl calls us to order;" Mummy why are you doing so weird to that man ... " I totally shot into laughter, that wonderful honesty of children.



"Hey Esther I am sorry but I must go, my wife is sitting at home together with the kids and they are waiting for their lunch. It was nice to see you again and maybe we'll meet again here. At that moment "she gazes and says, 'Yes, I must go too. "We give each other a hug or something similair but then I turn around and walk away. First loves ... something that makes that these people are always special to you and so I walked around yesterday with a big, big smile. As I have never have forgotten her, and she never forgot me, for both of us it's a nice reminder of our youth. Yes it was great at that time but she left me then with a totally shattered heart and I still did not find all the pieces back yet.....

The Old Sailor,

January 26, 2009

It started with a kiss.....

Dear Bloggers,

This one I am writing especially for my beloved wife, who walked into my life 16 years ago and still I am having a hard time to express my feelings to her.
I am really surprised that we are still together as I am not the easiest person to live with.
Sometimes I am stubborn like hell and I am not the most caring guy in the world.
Somehow she must either really like me, or is she still in love with me?
I feel so lucky that I have met a woman like her.



Who shows her cares, respects, love ..to me.
Furthermore we got two beautiful girls, and they are not always easy to handle when daddy is away.
I must admit that I am having a different life as I am away, but if one of them is sick it is me that also doesn’t sleep and feels powerless.
I feel like it is a miracle that I met a girl who understands my feelings though I never express or let her know my feelings...
I don't know how she understands..
I never wanted to open my heart since I used to have a heartbroken experience.
I am so afraid to open my heart again...before I met this girl, I always concentrated on the things that kept me busy and try to find my dream job..
I always believed that true love would come to me one day....
Always tried to be strong and ignore all her love and compassion...
But for this special girl, I couldn't just force myself anymore.
I couldn't concentrate on my job anymore; I don't know what was going on in my heart...



My brain was covered with butterflies, she knows when I am sad, tired or even hungry...most of the people don't understand me like her because I always try to smile no matter if I feel sad or anything....always try to hide my feelings and make others think that I am strong.
She mentioned that I have a beautiful smile
The other day, while I walked out, she walked after me and opened the door for her with a smile which made her feel like a princess (I still don't understand why I acted like this, but sometimes I hope that a little bit of these feelings would return.)
But that's not why I admired her... it was just a guy's way to attract a girl.....there were more things that she has done for me, I was not the only one having a bad past experience...
In one occasion, (I don't want to specify the occasion), this girl gave me a warm feeling and a kiss on my cheek.



I didn't know why I let her kiss me because I always tried to avoid any kind of love relation.
She always made me smiling and I couldn't stop myself.
This is how our relation kicked off, and in the beginning I was head over heels, but somewhere my brain took a wrong turn.
The gentleman in me had disappeared and a more and more, our relationship started to crumble.
The only one in this case to blame is myself, or am I wrong?



Now it seems like I lost my strength, I feel like that something in me has changed...
Why do I keep thinking about her all the time?
I still try to keep myself busy with my job, but still...I am asking myself numerous times the following questions:
"Where is my strength?" and "Where is my confidence?"
And of course "Where is my dream job?" and "Where did that deeply loving person go?"
I have to do what I promised myself...but my heart is still asking for true love....where is my true love?
I know that I am still young in a way....anyway, thank you so much, dear, for always loving and caring about me until now.
I know that you never heard me say these words to you because my heart just couldn't open for anyone.
I really wish we could try to find the key to open it but maybe it was so hard for you to understand this mysterious guy.



All the words I want to let you know just don't come out.....I really wish there is someone out there could understand what my heart is saying, but now I am sitting here alone thinking of those memorable things you've done for me.
I will always love you and thank you again even you couldn't hear it but I hope there is a little miracle.
I really hope that the magic feeling is coming back to me once more as my heart is still fully in love with you.
I know I have to move on with my life, I know I have to be strong, tomorrow I have to go to work again and have to concentrate on my job
It's 2:30am and couldn't manage to sleep...still keep thinking of you.....still keep writing......do I need to have love??
Do I really need to tell you, all the time that I love you??
Please tell me what I should decide to do?



I am really trying to listen to you and not hurt your feelings, but believe me that it is never my intention to hurt you.
Of course I would love to become the man again, that I was in the beginning.
Somewhere inside of me, my feelings got blocked.
Forgive me for who I am, as it is not something simple that I can change.
You are the love of my life.......and no one can change that feeling.
I put on the cd of Rod Stewart and drift away on the beautiful song that was written by Van Morrison, "Have I Told you lately that I love you." here are the lyrics so you can sing along (but do it gently) when you find the song on youtube.

Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no one above you
Fill my heart with gladness
Take away my sadness
Ease my troubles, that's what you do

Oh the morning sun in all its glory
Greets the day with hope and comfort too
And you fill my life with laughter
You can make it better
Ease my troubles that's what you do

There's a love that's divine
And it's yours and it's mine
Like the sun at the end of the day
We should give thanks and pray to the One

Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no one above you
Fill my heart with gladness
Take away my sadness
Ease my troubles, that's what you do

There's a love that's divine
And it's yours and it's mine
And it shines like the sun
At the end of the day we will give thanks
And pray to the One

Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no one above you
Fill my heart with gladness
Take away my sadness
Ease my troubles, that's what you do

Take away my sadness
Fill my life with gladness
Ease my troubles that's what you do
Fill my life with gladness
Take away my sadness
Ease my troubles that's what you do.


Goodnight to you all.....wherever you are.

The Old Sailor,

August 8, 2008

Just because everybody is beautiful

Dear Bloggers,

Never judge anybody on their looks, nice people are not always looking nice.
Not everybody is a beauty on the outside, but some people are so beautiful inside



Here is a little food for thought:

There is so much beauty in life,
beauty in the soul,
beauty in the heart and in the mind
of the good man and woman.
There is beauty in nature,
beauty in the sky and in the clouds,
in the mountains and in the sea.
Beauty in true friendship.
And immeasurable beauty in love.
To delight us in this world.

I hope that you can find the beauty in your life.
And live as happy as possible.

The old Sailor,

August 3, 2008

I am beautiful inside



Beautiful women date ugly guys.

And yes I must admit I am one of them, I think it is just the way that we have to live life. Some women that are too picky they will never find a way to keep a man.

Beauty is more important for women than men when it comes to breaking into Tinseltown. An ugly woman who wants to be a superstar virtually doesn’t have a shot; an ugly man only has a slightly harder time making it than his better looking counterparts. Hence, there is a decent amount of ugly men, but there are plenty of good looking women… so when they pair off, some of the better looking women inevitably end up with the not-so-cute guys.

I can’t think of many unfortunate looking women with good looking men.
Of course, there’s that thing called “personality” that often attracts people to one another, but for the sake of analysis, we’ll put good intentioned love aside.



This happens with real people, too. How many times do we look at the wedding pictures of someone else, and see the beautiful bride, and her not-so-much prince on a white horse kind of husband?



Perhaps this happens because women are less critical of men’s bodies than men are of women’s; this is in the sense that, yes, women do nag and complain.
And they are extremely demanding to get attention, men in that case are picky but they are not all loving themselves too much. It means that they will fully go for it but will not drown themselves in tears and stop eating, like a lot of women would do.

Even, look at the respective pornographic magazines aimed towards the genders. The women in Playboy have “perfect” bodies to the point that they don’t look like real women, whereas the models in Playgirl often have little bulges and occasionally excessive body hair.

Perhaps women are genuinely more attracted to a man’s personality, his heart, and his shared interests?
Also, but a not-so-hot man’s money can do a lot of the persuading that his looks can’t.

Has anyone else noticed this?

The Old Sailor

Talking and Writing

Dear Bloggers,   Why is it that some folks (such as myself and my daughter) talk so much? This visit, I am learning how I process throug...