Talking and Writing

Dear Bloggers,

 

Why is it that some folks (such as myself and my daughter) talk so much? This visit, I am learning how I process through talking and writing. I think you do the same with writing and I love that about us. Yet, talking needs a listener and listening takes energy. So does talking.

 

Yes, I have been learning something similar about myself. 

 

My need for verbally exchange is so much greater than most writers. We came to the conclusion in one therapy session that my brain actually might need external forms of processing … getting words out (writing or speaking), having someone listen, and getting verbal and visual reactions. Sounds like a very right-brain form of processing. 

 

My brain is running around in many different directions total chaos is also a system on the other hand, I am processing things internally. Quiet time, self-reflection (without writing it, just “down time”) by taking a walk or even engaging in some relaxing activity like playing a game. That I get a clearer sense of myself, and I need to analyze what happened in the day, what I did, and what to do next.

 

What is it about our need to be heard and understood by others? Is it that some people like me don’t have this need? Or is it a need that we ALL have, but some have it stronger than others?

 

Someone has asked me, “Are you really processing when you remove yourself from the conversation? Or, are you just distracting yourself, purposely not processing for awhile?”

 

 

When I think of the times in my day (or even in my life) when I’m not feeling “heard” — those are the toughest and loneliest times. Certainly we all have the need to be heard and understood by others, and even greater the need by those we love. A big part of my writing (and my talk-talk-talking) is motivated by the need to be heard and understood. 

 

Earlier, I have mentioned to myself that I should write more in my blog if I had the feeling that there is a real audience out there, reading and perhaps responding to my posts. Our writing is a form of self-reflection, and an attempt to connect with others. We write to make sense of things for ourselves, by making it available for the comprehension of others. 

 

I believe that most people have not been able to cultivate a safe relationship with their writing (and rambling aloud). It’s hard to be a loud and crazy guy at one point and being the quiet writer on the other hand.

 

 

Suddenly, a coworker appears at the table and asks me a question. The look in her eyes and her tone of voice say she wants an answer straight away. Her question is simple, but my brain freezes for a moment. I start sentences then stop them. I hesitate. I say things that are kind of what I mean, but not quite. I backtrack. Inside, I wish my brain would just work right…

Ever had something like this happen to you? If so, you’re not the only one. Finding it hard to say what you’re thinking, especially when you’re on the spot, is a common problem for a lot of introverts. There are good reasons this happens, and they might not be what you’d guess.

You can thrive as an introvert or a sensitive person in a loud world

We all have moments when we can’t find the right words, but word retrieval can be particularly challenging for introverts because we process information deeply. We chew on ideas, looking at them from all angles. When you’re deep in thought like this — even when you’re thinking about something as simple as what to make for dinner — it can be tough to talk. A lot of introverts don’t “think out loud” like extroverts do. We do our mental processing inwardly. Quietly. Without words.

As the name implies, long-term memory is where we keep information for a long time, maybe even forever. The information stored there is mostly outside our conscious awareness. so getting to it isn’t always easy. For example, try recalling your first day of kindergarten. Some details might come to mind easily, but others take more effort to remember.

On the other hand, we have a working memory (also known as short-term memory), where we keep information for just a few seconds. This information is easy to grab, but it doesn’t stick around unless we move it to long-term memory.

Interestingly, that introverts often use their long-term memory more than their working memory. Extroverts do the opposite, keeping information right on the tip of their tongue, ready to use.

The struggle to dig into long-term memory is real. You have to find the right “key” to unlock the memory you’re trying to bring up. For example, seeing a certain pair of sneakers (the key) might remind you of your own shoes from when you were a kid, which then reminds you of the milk that got spilled on your shoes on your first day of kindergarten. And just like that, you’re remembering more about that day.

But this process of digging into long-term memory can take time, which can slow us introverts down when we’re trying to talk.

When we’re nervous while trying to talk — like how I felt when my intimidating coworker approached me — it can make finding and saying the right words even harder. 

But it’s not just about writing blogs. Introverts often like to text or email instead of calling or meeting in person. Many also find that journaling helps them understand what they’re thinking and feeling better.

It’s because of how our brains work. When we write, we use different parts of our brain than when we talk, and these parts seem to work better for introverts.

Memory is a tricky business; it uses many parts of the brain. Your brain stores memories in different spots and builds connections between them. Like I said, you need to find the right key to pull something from your long-term memory. The good news is, most information in long-term memory is stored with multiple associations or keys to access them.

If you’re having trouble remembering a word, a fact, or even what you did on the weekend Let your mind wander and go where it wants. One thought might lead to another, and one of these thoughts might be the key to remembering what you need.

If you still can’t find the right words, don’t feel embarrassed or beat yourself up — your brain is just doing what it naturally does, which is to stop and think. If you’re being quiet, you’re in good company with other deep thinkers. Like the brilliant physicist Stephen Hawking said, “Quiet people have the loudest minds.”

To make any awkwardness go away, you can joke about being lost for words. Or you can say you’re a bit busy in your head right now, but you’ll get back to them later — by sending an email or a text.

 

The Old Sailor,

 

My good old typewriter

Dear Bloggers,

Yes, you should think your Old Sailor is out of his mind (crazy = mentally ill) because a few days ago I wrote some strange scribbles on this computer, I have writers cramps or a writers block and I walked around with the thought maybe it's time I'll stop writing for a while, but this I have to write this thoughts off from my mind.

Please, hold on for a second and then the lamp will probably fade out forever. No this is not a promise, I am not going to do anything, it's just a subject that matters suddenly and that subject is so tempting that I can not let it go.

In addition to the problems with my computer, I am lying awake about this in the nightly hours, but obviously aside. I had my memory on the run, just to think about the good old time when we used the good old-fashioned typewriter. Do you still know how that was, Dear fellow bloggers? 

Then you just pushed a button and that button put a lever with a letter in mirror image in operation on the end of the lever. That same lever with that letter "punched" first a ribbon that was soaked with ink and finally came to the paper (TICK!). If you wanted to enter a new line for the next sentence, you gave a yank on the big lever and the roll that serves the paper just bumped with a click. 

Without a doubt, I was able to watch this for hours when my wife took a seat behind the machine and typed flawless letters with over 200 hits per minute. Here I am still jealous with. She is ticking with ten fingers at once and I type with up to four fingers at the same time. The writing itself takes me little effort but my thoughts go a lot faster than I am able to type.

I saw this as a simple person with a simple background this all happen.

And how are you doing this now? You push a button and suddenly a letter appears on the screen. But how?!? I always think so how is that letter just the right one? Something like that. Do you have that too? No, you probably do'nt, because you have been using this for so long that you do not even stand still about this anymore. And if that letter does NOT appear, look, I'll get pretty upset, because I will not get it. I will scream and shout to the damn machine and throw things to the screen. Yes, I did not really understand how that letter came there into the first place, so how could I figure out how it will NOT happen again? Can you follow my reasoning a little bit, Dear bloggers? Or should I make little a drawing again?!?

So, what I really wanted to say: if a man has a troubled relation with his computer, then a specialist needs to be found, your whole machine is being in a heap and everything is being overlooked, or maybe even worse, it will be completely emptied and then it will be started up again. It's for a guy like me as if there is an illusionist on the job who makes the big Houdini acts blurred, and it's so cleared and cleaned up that no cat who would find her kittens back in it. Oh, it's on the good Lord's name all a big box of misery.

I've been running around with the vague plans for a few days to follow a computer course after which I could empty my computer or reset my computer myself. A good laugh.(I could not do magic tricks either in my younger years, so this is probably also an illusion or what is it called?) and so in the end it would have everything under control. However, I work in a kind of team system, at which time I am sometimes at 04:30 hrs. there to start my job and then the other week I will be around 02:30 hrs. home.

How do I have to drag it all on board and put it in place, Yes dear bloggers? Good advice is pretty expensive.

I sometimes think seriously about my old typewriter and dig it out of the dirt heaps in the attic where it is covered. Look, that's a good example of getting old! Isn't it, dear bloggers?

The Old Sailor.

(Mechanically thinking person and slightly strange type.)

Modern Pen Pal romance.....

Dear Bloggers,

As I am getting older and look back to the days that I wore a younger man's clothes. My live was not specifically very romantic. Although I have to admit that I've met quite a few interesting women. Unfortunately I was either too slow to make a move or to shy to make a move on them. Still these memories keep me busy sometimes, as in my time I had a pen pal and we were writing letters by hand. The excitement was great to wait for an other letter from my friend. 

Deep inside of me there was this feeling of butterflies. No nothing ever happened between the two of us as I did not dare to express my feelings for her. And then one day all of a sudden she had a steady boyfriend. It broke my heart butterflies were drowned in a load of beer and I just carried on. I think that our younger generation is missing all this as they reach each other with media like whats app and Instagram nothing mystique anymore. And typing text feels less personal to me.

And I wonder has anyone else noticed that there’s more ‘digital small talk’ going on these days than real-life face-to-face dating? A good friend and I got talking recently about this modern day pen pal kind of dating dilemma. With the multiple options of being able to text, email, tweet, send a whats app, Instagram or Facebook message. Is it becoming the norm to replace in-person interactions with remote alternatives? A virtual connection is made but it never becomes a reality. There are a lot of unreal people on the net. We did go out on Friday and Saturday nights and we were trying in all our stupid ways to make contact with the other sexes.

Are you currently stuck in a pen pal dating situation and wondering why you’re not meeting up in real life? I brainstormed about this with some other guys who had experienced this kind of dating trouble, and here are some of the reasons that this might be happening:

Have you ever considered that the person you’re messaging might already be in a relationship? A poll revealed that 21% of people between 18 and 35 on dating apps/sites were already in a relationship. In my time these things were more clear. As on these apps it's easier to stay anonymous.

Sometimes people simply need someone else to talk to, to combat their loneliness, but it goes no further than that. Communicating through technology is a way of filling a void in real life but that person may have no intention of meeting face-to-face as that digital interaction is all they need. They could use other places to chat about there feeling so lonely.

Ever been stuck in a long queue? Bored on a train journey? We all look for distractions and ways to procrastinate at times like these. Maybe the reason for your pen pal-esque dating is because this chat is nothing more than a boredom cure for the other person. Such a shame that you pick out a dating site for this. 

Sometimes people use dating sites and apps for reassurance that they are still desirable and attractive. It’s sad but sometimes true – perhaps the conversation with the person you like is nothing more than an ego-boost for them. In my opinion you are not very confident.

Uh oh! If someone is only messaging you when they’ve admitted they’re out with friends, or asking you for photos but not sending any in return, don’t fall into the trap of being entertainment for their mates. This is one of the downsides of the internetposting as there is no time to think about these things. When you are writing by hand you have at least some time to think about this.
 

A reason that pen pal style dating scenarios don’t develop into real-life meet ups is that sometimes the other person has already pigeon-holed you as a back-up plan If things don’t work out with someone else. Remember you should be the number one and not the second option or backup plan.

You might be complaining that your relationship hasn’t progressed to real-life, but have you considered that the reason for this is because the other person is waiting for you to make the first move? If it’s a girl in question, you have to remember that women sometimes like to be chased, so it could just be a case of her playing hard to get in this case.

Blame the technology. Dating isn’t like it used to be. Apps such as Tinder provide a constant stream of new faces to potentially date. Maybe what connects us to people also disconnects us from potential relationships.Too much choice means there’s less of a likelihood of committing to meeting up with one person and we’ll end up interacting online more but meeting up less.

It’s virtually impossible to judge someone’s character solely from speaking to them over an app or website. This person you’re speaking to might be incredibly shy and anxious about meeting up, so that could be why it’s taking a while for it to happen. But I waited too long and she found someone else. Give things a chance to blossom and yes, you may have been talking for a while, but perhaps the other person just wants to get to know you a bit better and feels its too early to meet up. Be patient…


This is the one that no-one wants to hear. Maybe the other person is happy talking to you but they’re just not that into you to take it to the next level and meet up. What to do if you’re stuck in the pen pal-zone. It’s certainly a frustrating place to be and as you can see from the above, there may be lots of different reasons why you’re stuck at this dating dead-end.

If you want to date, why wait? You’ve got nothing to lose by asking, so why not suggest meeting for a coffee? Sometimes it’s just a case of the other person waiting for you to make the move and test the waters. You’ve got over the difficult part of finding someone you like already.

  Remember, you can never lose something you never had in the first place, so it might do you better to cut out the person who is showing no interest in meeting up. Admittedly, with the growing number of dating apps, sites, social networks and ways to communicate, maybe we all need to step back and step away from all this reliance on technology. 

Just start an old trend and meet up in bars or write a letter by hand.
If you’re a single guy and you’re wondering what makes a man irresistible to women…you will not find the answers on a dating site or app. Just go outside and look around you instead of looking at your screen all the time. And simply make contact to the guy or girl next to you on the bus.



The Old Sailor,

Writing is art or did it become something else?

Dear Bloggers,

The last couple of days rain has been pooring down and due to the bad weather I once again sat musing about the past and I write on a piece of "nostalgia of the long gone years" I sit behind the computer and think back to my childhood that I was laying on the floor playing with a couple of miniature cars and my mother meanwhile handled the vacuum cleaner, I still remember the typical smell of soft soap and feel the warm air blow from the vacuumcleaner onto my face. For me a reason to write my earliest memories down.

I therefore look forward to your earliest memories. And maybe you would love to share that with all of us.

How far can you go back with your memories? I cannot tell that as these imprints are absolutly different per person. I know that there were quite a few events in my childhood that I can pick up as they are forever printed in my mind. Just everyday things, nothing special.

For example, I remember that I once stood in the dining room in front of the table and I was determined to sse something on the table. Just standing on my toes and holding onto it I was able to look at some items on the table. That was the first moment to me of being proud as I felt very big because I could look across the table for the first time instead of looking against it. No idea how old I was, but it os strange that you remember that moment and that feeling.

I have two sisters and one brother, I was the youngest. My father worked in a factory and my mother was a housewife so we were an ordinary family. I was dropped of every schoolday by my mother at the kindergarten, who continued with groceryshopping and housework. My mother made the most delicious coffee and my father was reading the newspaper in the cozy living room in a lovely big armchair. Then the TV came on to watch the evening news. Life was not that complicated at those years. If you wanted to comment on something you had to do that in person or write a letter to newspaper and send it by mail to them. It would make you think first. 

 

These are sort of my earliest memories. So they go back to my fourth year of life. I wonder how far you go back memories. In our present time everything is much more hectic. We have become terrified of missing something, the so-called FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out)

In the opinionstorm of print and broadcast the storm continues to print paper and the role of reflection. And the people who really read, can often write better as a matter of fact.

Besides seeing writing as unique art or craft that can teach many, there is a third form: thumb typing. That is everywhere. We live in a time when everyone writes and no one reads. And gives opinions. Published in a second. What is the function of editorial pages as the slow process of printing and paper making way for fast printing and sending?

In the summer of 2008, I first came into contact with the iPhone which at that time was for the first time in the Netherlands for sale exclusively for the phone company T-Mobile. This device accelerated ease the mind revolution that was going on in evening talk shows, blogs and reader comments in the Internet published pieces.

In those days you rather read a book as many other passengers on the bus or train or they were hiding behind a small free or paid large newspaper, suddenly everyone was putting himself or herself to writing. At first only textmessages, but soon via mobile internet we could write on almost anything. With the iPhone and its imitators were also Facebook and other platforms accessible. On train platforms and in waiting rooms and train chairs in rows for cash, bike and even in the car you see people sitting fixated tapping their small personal screen. Even Her Majesty Queen Beatrix had noticed this: "People communicate through rapid brief messages," she noted in her Christmas speech 2009.

The newspaper editors were to be exempted to remove a sludge of invective between the reader comments. For direct response digital was something different from the classic letter to the newspaper. Every drunk could, once ended up at home, his twaddle hurtle directly to a site without a stamp and without any reflection. He did not even had to count to ten.

The late ramblings in the pub became public. Anti-Semites, racists, violent characters, many anonymous.

The question is: Is there someone out there who reads three hundred reactions on an article about asylum seekers still? We thought we let everyone have their say. But the people under our articles appeared to consist of a dozen people who responded to each other, including a bitchfight between an artist from Rotterdam and a lady from Spain.

A number of sites managed to perfect the art of swearing to a profession, and sometimes it's funny too. All authors. More and more people made their own little newspaper on Facebook, some with thousands of "friends". It could even shorter, with 140 characters on Twitter, launched in 2006 and 2009 really established in the Netherlands.

Everywhere you had to respond and scold became an art how can insult someone as hard as possible and then preferably also anonymous. Yes those are the real heroes in our society. However, it takes all this attention only briefly. Because they are greedy for sensation and as many people should be destroyed. And after a day or two it has been all forgotten again. Because you have to be on time with the new little storm.

In this digital bath full of hissing fury remains a printed and online opinion page in the newspapers regularly a stunning slow journalism island. Submitted papers to read and talk about and corresponding. Checked information. Topics devise and get there in the best possible author. That can come from the Netherlands, but as well from the US, Germany or Peru. Preferably not someone from the editors, because they are having enough text elsewhere in the paper. Many experts, writers and essayists that protrude above the mass opinion. That show what the reflection of paper for printing and has the nervousness of Twitter and a blog. A good opinion piece is simple: it contains a clear opinion contained in an argument with examples.

If that is in theory.

If authors are skilled with the pen, they quickly in the newspaper. Knowledge and expertise is a recommendation, but it can also turn against the author. Too much knowledge is assumed to be known, you get lost in details. Others are afraid to upset colleagues so alone desirability as "sustainability" or "future-proofing". Which often mean the opposite of what is intended. With opinion pieces is no diplomacy businesses.

Ask for a clear piece is sometimes like you are strapped with your hands on to a bicycle and get on it. Politicians rarely want to give a non-predictable opinion. Timing is also part of their profession. There is the distinct ideology of a party, but everyone knows already. Not surprisingly, the ANWB who wants to build more roads. And every article on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict raises many reactions against but the arguments are the same age and known as the battle itself.

I've got respect for the men and women who send every day ten to fifty pieces and letters in the electronic mailbox of the newspaper to ensure their voices. Especially men like me, middle age or older, who want to share their experiences. In good spirits, while only two pieces of post, internet with it some more. Brave they fall for the papers firing squad, and the rejection they take on in a sporty way.

Why women dare to come less often with their opinion? Besides being less confident it should also be efficient: why do all that work to do with a very uncertain outcome? At least that is my opinion,

Fortunately, there are people who can still be thankful sitting down with a real newspaper who are still being made for real readers. They can often also write well. They know a lot, point out mistakes, put in a letter of two hundred words telling you the difference between a piano and a keyboard or the possibilities of a vacant building.

That kind of spontaneous reactions, surprising authors, new topics, deliciously absurd entries and commentaries I will miss, because more and more newspapers are getting in trouble for the simple fact that people no longer buy one to quietly sit down and read. Now I have myself thrown in the army of millions of enthusiastic writers. And I secretly hope that someone actually will read my stories.

The Old Sailor.

Before there was e-mail, Facebook or anything on the Internet

Dear Bloggers,

Due to a situation at home I did not come to writing a blog last month and I feel pretty awful about it as writing is something I normally do to get my thoughts organized. It made me think about my younger days when I still was a boy. I met the most fabulous girl at my dad’s pony stable and she straight away swept me of my feet. Due to the fact that she lived in Germany we decided to become pen pal. 

And we have been writing for many years and we became real good friends. We paid each other visits and we gave small presents Somehow I did things terribly wrong and the friendship was lost until a reconnection was there through Facebook. And I am so happy to have a little bit of contact again. Even we never had anything as in a relation she was one of the first girls in my live where I could share everything with and it developed me as a guy to do things with my heart and my mind. I am still thankful that she opened my soft side. And I am not afraid anymore to write about my feelings 

Before computers and e-mail…a lot of people actually wrote honest letters. And as in my own case sometimes from foreign countries. The newspapers had a special column for this. The Exchange Column invited readers from everywhere in the world to write a letter, expressing their interests. Generally, along with your name and address, you included your date of birth and your wedding anniversary date, the names and ages of your children, as well as your hobbies and collections.

When I began thinking about those days. I wondered – What happened to all of those Press publications? An Internet search revealed that there are still some pen pals as most of them are writing now by email and became key pals The idea of a magazine devoted primarily to pen-pals appears to have fallen by the wayside, overtaken, perhaps, by today’s computer generated email and chat rooms. (However, I was amused to discover in an Internet search on Google.com, an article written by a young woman who happened to discover an old pen pal who became a famous writer, she and some friends started up a monthly publication they call “Old Friends” which was based on their past. The author wrote, “I liked the old way sitting at home reading letters and writing back on them and I was intrigued by the way the community had different minded individuals scattered across the world who looked forward each month for new letters about what happened in their lives…” So, it seems, the memory and ideas of “The good old days” live on.

Go back with me, in time, and let me share with you how things were before email came along.
I began writing to her (My German pal she wrote in German amd I wrote in Dutch) in the mid-1980s. Specifically, I think I “discovered” myself in the summertime of 1986. I think I began finding the writer in me, as my letters were still not the best ones if it comes to grammar but I wrote to her in an honest way not knowing what to do with my feelings. So I did a lot of silly things in life to find about myself. Around that same time, I became interested in collecting and reading books. Simultaneously, a friend of mine told me about doing a cultural study at an institute and had to read a lot of classics. I that period I read classic books like Shakespeare but also lighter classics on the Second World war in Australia thanks to her I got interested in the opinion of other people that was what she was searching for.

“I bet I know where we can find it!” I told her. I wrote a letter to an Aussie friend, asking for the book Australian women at war, offering to pay cash. As an afterthought, I added that I was interested in buying/exchanging old classic books. Little did I suspect what an avalanche of mail would fill my mailbox when my letter was sent! I received over 25 books. I purchased several of the books and I began buying/trading for many other books which formed the nucleus of my book collection. And I have to tell you something that I think it was pretty spectacular. I was never “cheated” or short-changed by anyone. Even more spectacular were the friendships that I formed, as a result of that one letter, although none of them still exists to this day.

One of the first letters I received was from another book collector, a woman who lived in Brisbane. Betsy and I both young people at the time have remained pen-pals for 4 years, while we grew up, got married, and had children of our own. 

Another pen-pal acquired in the late 80s was my friend Penny (I will use Penny as a fictive name as I try not to harm any one's life.although I informed the person about this story that I wrote, if there would be any mistakes or what so ever I can correct them.) , who lives in the South of the Netherlands. I first met Penny in 1988, on my late summer vacation in Benidorm in Spain. We spent a night at Penny’s hotel room and I was sent on my way the next morning with a bagful of thoughts and a great night of special escapades during that night. What I remember most about that visit was my first reaction when I arrived home again with a feeling of being hung-over and I realized that this was just another summer love. I was so heart broken by this girl. I saw her again in the fall during the after party but there was nothing left of those feelings. 

The downside to having pen pals, if there is a downside, is that sometimes letters stop coming both of these friends had become older and had a life of their own with children or having many health issues…like me or perhaps there is nothing left to write about to their pals and to tell you what had happened to them.

Before everyone owned a computer and Internet services flooded the market we had the Local Newspapers and Popfoto a magazine for youngsters. The concept of Popfoto, at that time, was to offer bulletin boards to which you could write, asking for friends, interviews with pop artists, whatever problems you had   write them about. It was through Popfoto that I became acquainted with new people but that was soon to change. Eventually, Popfoto would be overcome by AOL, Yahoo, Juno and the dozens of other Internet services which have changed our lives so drastically. I think the one greatest thing about the Internet is that it has brought so many of our family members and friends back together again. By using Hyves, Twitter and Facebook. I find a lot of people from my past by using those media sites
Somehow the pen pals slipped slowly from my radar. But the friendships forged by these pals have remained an integral part of my life. Yours too, I hope.

And now we have the Internet…Facebook and blogs, such as this one of mine, Old Sailor 2007. But there is still much to be said for the art of writing letters, of finding letters and cards from all over the world in your mailbox. Much nicer than finding only bills and flyer's in the mailbox! And if you are someone still interested in pen pals and actual correspondence, may I suggest just talk to strangers and give it a try you never know what happens. All because of being pen pals!

For those of us who grew up with pen pals in our lives. Sometimes pen pals come into your life and stay forever while others may come and go. I am reminded of my German pen pal I had while I was living life on the wild side. She attended still in high school in Dusseldorf while I attended at jobs offered by temp’s offices. I lost contact with her after she was graduating from high school. But oh, the joy, over the years, of exchanging letters,  photographs and sometimes small gifts with a pen pal so far away email on the Internet may fill some of the void but I have to tell you, I still get a thrill finding real letters in my mailbox.

Before Email….all we had were letters – and even though I am still a fan of handwritten letters, I also became a digital writer, I have to admit computers have greatly broadened our horizons.

The Old Sailor,