Bucket lists why should you wait?

Dear Bloggers,

This time I am writing about the need of bucket-lists and why do many people wait to do these challenges until they are in their last weeks of their lives. You should be doing these things as soon as you are able to fix the things that you want to do the most.

Bucket Lists are all the rage, 10 things to do before you are twenty, 15 books to read before you start university, 8 foods to try before you die. There are many items that crop up time and again, swim with dolphins, climb a mountain, write a book. But what if you spend more time compiling these lists than actually completing the challenges? And are you completing them because they really resonate with you, or because you want to take a selfie to commemorate?

One sure fine way to find out what the really important accomplishments in life are, is to ask the people who are coming to the end of theirs. That is exactly what keeps my mind going. Why is it all of a sudden so important to get these list completed. I wander if they have really lived life when everything was still normal, I can not imagine that you did not fulfill your dreams at least the ones that you can afford.

There is something so profound in the themes that came up in my mind and again. It highlights the importance of living each day fully. Strangely enough swimming with dolphins didn’t come up in my brain, although that’s not to say you should set this goal aside if it is important to you. This is what would pop up in my mind but okay I am not the average guy.

“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

This is what I think the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.” When I was wearing a younger man's clothes I travelled a great part of the world and in a later stage of life I started sailing (to get rid of a traumatic impact on my life.)

“I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”

This is something that many males with me would have on their minds. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also might have this regret, but as most of them only work part time as they take care of the kids as well, many of the females that I know are not being breadwinners. If you get sick you start realizing all kinds of things. And i personally regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.” I wouldn't have missed the years that I have sailed but somehow there are some pieces missing.

“I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”

Many people suppress their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settle for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.” Bitterness is not the way to live your life. I keep somethings inside as I am a man but I am pretty open if it comes to issues. And I am speaking myself out.

“I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”

Often you won''t truly realize the full benefits of good old friends until you are in your dying weeks and it is not always possible to track them down at that moment. Many have become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There will be many deep regrets, I guess, about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserve.

"I wish that I had let myself be happier.”

This is a surprisingly common one. Many do not realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They are stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change makes them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they are so content, when deep within, they are longing to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.” It makes me happy that I do quite a lot of silly things.

What are your thoughts? Do you live life without regrets? What is on your bucket list? If you want to something bad enough, whether it’s starting a business or running a marathon or traveling abroad, you should try to get it done as early as possible in your life. You will have those memories and that experience within you for the rest of your life.

It’s never too late to tackle your bucket-list dreams, or to recognize that your list will grow the more you grow, and the more you learn about the world.

But, when you also give these dreams a sense of urgency and don’t put them off until "the stars are aligned," you’ll be amazed at how much life you can fit into your years.

The Old Sailor,

Before there was e-mail, Facebook or anything on the Internet

Dear Bloggers,

Due to a situation at home I did not come to writing a blog last month and I feel pretty awful about it as writing is something I normally do to get my thoughts organized. It made me think about my younger days when I still was a boy. I met the most fabulous girl at my dad’s pony stable and she straight away swept me of my feet. Due to the fact that she lived in Germany we decided to become pen pal. 

And we have been writing for many years and we became real good friends. We paid each other visits and we gave small presents Somehow I did things terribly wrong and the friendship was lost until a reconnection was there through Facebook. And I am so happy to have a little bit of contact again. Even we never had anything as in a relation she was one of the first girls in my live where I could share everything with and it developed me as a guy to do things with my heart and my mind. I am still thankful that she opened my soft side. And I am not afraid anymore to write about my feelings 

Before computers and e-mail…a lot of people actually wrote honest letters. And as in my own case sometimes from foreign countries. The newspapers had a special column for this. The Exchange Column invited readers from everywhere in the world to write a letter, expressing their interests. Generally, along with your name and address, you included your date of birth and your wedding anniversary date, the names and ages of your children, as well as your hobbies and collections.

When I began thinking about those days. I wondered – What happened to all of those Press publications? An Internet search revealed that there are still some pen pals as most of them are writing now by email and became key pals The idea of a magazine devoted primarily to pen-pals appears to have fallen by the wayside, overtaken, perhaps, by today’s computer generated email and chat rooms. (However, I was amused to discover in an Internet search on Google.com, an article written by a young woman who happened to discover an old pen pal who became a famous writer, she and some friends started up a monthly publication they call “Old Friends” which was based on their past. The author wrote, “I liked the old way sitting at home reading letters and writing back on them and I was intrigued by the way the community had different minded individuals scattered across the world who looked forward each month for new letters about what happened in their lives…” So, it seems, the memory and ideas of “The good old days” live on.

Go back with me, in time, and let me share with you how things were before email came along.
I began writing to her (My German pal she wrote in German amd I wrote in Dutch) in the mid-1980s. Specifically, I think I “discovered” myself in the summertime of 1986. I think I began finding the writer in me, as my letters were still not the best ones if it comes to grammar but I wrote to her in an honest way not knowing what to do with my feelings. So I did a lot of silly things in life to find about myself. Around that same time, I became interested in collecting and reading books. Simultaneously, a friend of mine told me about doing a cultural study at an institute and had to read a lot of classics. I that period I read classic books like Shakespeare but also lighter classics on the Second World war in Australia thanks to her I got interested in the opinion of other people that was what she was searching for.

“I bet I know where we can find it!” I told her. I wrote a letter to an Aussie friend, asking for the book Australian women at war, offering to pay cash. As an afterthought, I added that I was interested in buying/exchanging old classic books. Little did I suspect what an avalanche of mail would fill my mailbox when my letter was sent! I received over 25 books. I purchased several of the books and I began buying/trading for many other books which formed the nucleus of my book collection. And I have to tell you something that I think it was pretty spectacular. I was never “cheated” or short-changed by anyone. Even more spectacular were the friendships that I formed, as a result of that one letter, although none of them still exists to this day.

One of the first letters I received was from another book collector, a woman who lived in Brisbane. Betsy and I both young people at the time have remained pen-pals for 4 years, while we grew up, got married, and had children of our own. 

Another pen-pal acquired in the late 80s was my friend Penny (I will use Penny as a fictive name as I try not to harm any one's life.although I informed the person about this story that I wrote, if there would be any mistakes or what so ever I can correct them.) , who lives in the South of the Netherlands. I first met Penny in 1988, on my late summer vacation in Benidorm in Spain. We spent a night at Penny’s hotel room and I was sent on my way the next morning with a bagful of thoughts and a great night of special escapades during that night. What I remember most about that visit was my first reaction when I arrived home again with a feeling of being hung-over and I realized that this was just another summer love. I was so heart broken by this girl. I saw her again in the fall during the after party but there was nothing left of those feelings. 

The downside to having pen pals, if there is a downside, is that sometimes letters stop coming both of these friends had become older and had a life of their own with children or having many health issues…like me or perhaps there is nothing left to write about to their pals and to tell you what had happened to them.

Before everyone owned a computer and Internet services flooded the market we had the Local Newspapers and Popfoto a magazine for youngsters. The concept of Popfoto, at that time, was to offer bulletin boards to which you could write, asking for friends, interviews with pop artists, whatever problems you had   write them about. It was through Popfoto that I became acquainted with new people but that was soon to change. Eventually, Popfoto would be overcome by AOL, Yahoo, Juno and the dozens of other Internet services which have changed our lives so drastically. I think the one greatest thing about the Internet is that it has brought so many of our family members and friends back together again. By using Hyves, Twitter and Facebook. I find a lot of people from my past by using those media sites
Somehow the pen pals slipped slowly from my radar. But the friendships forged by these pals have remained an integral part of my life. Yours too, I hope.

And now we have the Internet…Facebook and blogs, such as this one of mine, Old Sailor 2007. But there is still much to be said for the art of writing letters, of finding letters and cards from all over the world in your mailbox. Much nicer than finding only bills and flyer's in the mailbox! And if you are someone still interested in pen pals and actual correspondence, may I suggest just talk to strangers and give it a try you never know what happens. All because of being pen pals!

For those of us who grew up with pen pals in our lives. Sometimes pen pals come into your life and stay forever while others may come and go. I am reminded of my German pen pal I had while I was living life on the wild side. She attended still in high school in Dusseldorf while I attended at jobs offered by temp’s offices. I lost contact with her after she was graduating from high school. But oh, the joy, over the years, of exchanging letters,  photographs and sometimes small gifts with a pen pal so far away email on the Internet may fill some of the void but I have to tell you, I still get a thrill finding real letters in my mailbox.

Before Email….all we had were letters – and even though I am still a fan of handwritten letters, I also became a digital writer, I have to admit computers have greatly broadened our horizons.

The Old Sailor,

Making contact is that simple, if you know how.

Dear Bloggers,

How easily to do you connect with other people?
Some people are just able to connect with others within just a few seconds of meeting them for the first time, whilst for other people it’s a real challenge when meeting new people.

We all need people to make our life a more joyous one and connecting with people is one of the most inspiring, fulfilling and valuable actions we can do.
Yet we often miss out on great opportunities to create friendships. At the same time, it is actually relatively simple to create a good connection and become more likeable when you meet new people.

There is no rocket science in all of these things.First of all you havr to believe in You and the rest will come. How to change yourself in 8 steps.


Step 1 – Become aware of your relationships
Step 2 – Love yourself first, before loving anyone else
Step 3 – Love yourself whitout becoming full of yourself
Step 4 – Love is all that matters
Step 5 – Create energising Relationships
Step 6 – Declutter your friends it is good for you and them
Step 7 – Stop bending for other people!
Step 8 – Be special to find someone special


Today we’ll look at some simple steps to come across better to other people when you first meet them.
The steps are indeed simple – yet we forget and often end up over analysing.
You simply have to learn and apply these 10 key secrets for becoming likeable to other people when you first meet them:

1. Smile

The best thing you can do when you meet someone for the first time is simply smile! This is the number one secret for getting people to like you instantly – and it is free:-)
Try this time next you are in a crowd of strangers. Just smile gently and see what reaction you get back.

2. Remember their Name

When you first meet someone, ask them their name and then be sure to remember it.
If their name is unusual ask them how it should be correctly pronounced and even ask where it is from.
Be sure to address them by their name early on in the conversation – that will also help you remember it.
To most people, the sound of their own name is the most beautiful sound in the world!
If it helps, write their name down if they haven’t given you their business or personal card.

3. Look People in the Eye

In any conversation, look at the person you are talking to and maintain eye contact as appropriate. This will also help you follow what they are saying.
Clearly you don’t want to spook them out by fixedly staring into their eyes either!
If you can’t get used to the idea of looking people in the eye, then practice looking into your own eyes in front of a mirror. This can be quite a confrontational exercise for some people but it will do wonders for your own self-acceptance.

4. Listen Completely

The greatest gift you can give a person is your undivided attention. Practise your listening skills by focusing completely on that person and being present.
Give them your 100% attention.
Stop your mind from wandering and focus on what they are saying. Make the other person feel important. Your undivided attention tells the other person that you genuinely value them.
Be genuinely interested in other people.
The emphasis here is on being interested rather than ‘interesting’. Be genuine about this and do not fake it. Focus on what they have to say rather than harping on about yourself and your own grandness!
Just remember the old saying – we all have two ears and one mouth – use them accordingly.
The key is to be completely present for the other person and to truly listen with your heart.

Ultimately, it all comes down again to truly listening to what people say – and also don’t say.
And of course, do actually contribute to the conversation! Listening properly doesn’t mean you don’t add any value to the conversation. Make sure your verbal communication is an equal and two way process.

5. Build Empathy and Rapport

As you listen, build empathy and rapport with your new friend.
Focus not on just the words but the nuances of what they are saying. For example, do they sound excited or bored when they talk about their job?
You will also pick up clues and remember what to talk about later in your conversation – they will be impressed with what you have remembered.
By truly empathising with the other person, you will get to understand better their point of view. And people just adore those who are interested in their point of view!

6. Look for Opportunities of Helping Them

As you get to know someone better, look for ways of helping and supporting them perhaps by referring them to a friend who could be interested in their service.
Look for ways of connecting new friends with any existing like minded friends. If you have promised to do something for them, make sure you do so promptly.
You will soon create a reputation as someone who is highly connected, someone who can be trusted and someone who delivers!
One trick I use is to write down in my contacts database, the details of any new person I meet plus a couple of personal details such as what they do and their passions.
At the same time, remember that you are “helping” them to help themselves!
Remember Stop bending for other people!

7. Don’t Give Advice!

Sometime during a conversation with a new friend, you may be tempted to simply butt in and offer a solution.
However before you do so, always seek permission before you offer your input as people don’t like to be seen to be helpless.
Also, your advice should be subtly delivered rather than telling them bluntly what they should do.
Of course as your friendship develops you can be more forthcoming with your words of wisdom – but again usually with their permission.
Needless to say, it is important to be respectful of other people’s feelings and opinions. Be tactful as appropriate to the situation.
At the same time, though some people may seek out your advice they just don’t want to change – in that case, let them be and don’t make it your issue.
I guess it all comes down to the type of situation. If you feel your advice will add value to the exchange then offer it.
Look back in your own life and remember a situation when someone has barged in and told you what to do! How did you feel internally about that?

8. Be Positive

Everyone likes to be around someone who is positive, energetic and bubbly, and not someone who is a merchant of doom and gloom.
As I heard someone say once – some people light up the room when they enter it, others light it up when they leave! Which one would you rather be?
At a networking or social event wouldn’t you rather speak to the happy confident looking person or the one who looks miserable?!
Life is too short to go around with a miserable face.
So never dump your stuff on others.
Also, learn to only say good things about others – never gossip about others as it will inevitably come back to you, and affect your friendships. Assume that anyone you are talking about can hear what you are saying about them. And actually at a subconscious level they are.
If people know you as a positive person who doesn’t get involved in gossiping, they will know you can be trusted and you will soon have a reputation as someone with integrity.
Of course we should be our authentic self at all times. And it that means we are feeling down and not so positive, then so be it. I would then suggest that that is not the best time for you to be out there meeting new people!

9. Be Friendly and Open

It goes without saying that you must be friendly and open to make new friends! Yet so often people go through life closed and not open to new opportunities and friendships.
Knowing that everyone around you is doing the best they can, you can let down your own guard and become more open and even vulnerable.
Show your appreciation and gratitude in every way you can. Say your thanks genuinely and wholeheartedly to your new friends and especially to all those strangers who do so much to make your life convenient and easy, such as shop assistants, the postman and the cleaning lady.
Your new friends will gauge you on how well you treat strangers – so make it a life long habit to be always pleasant and friendly to all strangers who cross your path.

10. Be Authentic and a Person of Integrity

Do you go through life trying to impress others with your status, fame and achievements? If that is the case, then know that doing so rarely makes people genuinely like you.
From today onwards, give up trying to impress others and especially so when you meet new people. Instead of blowing your own trumpet too loudly, just be authentic.
Who you are will shine through more brightly than any number of accolades or worldly ornaments. Just remember what Ghandi achieved with his simple garb!
Who you are being stands out more brightly and loudly than anything you do or any words you say ever can.
It is important to be your word and be responsible. You can be the most interesting person in the world, the most compassionate and the funniest one but if you are not a person of integrity, then nobody will take you seriously.
By being responsible you show that you care about other people and that you value their time and interests. People will like you once they find out that they can rely on you and that you are responsible for every word you say.
Do what you say you will do – and be your word.

Final Words

People will come and go from your life, but their impact and their essence remains with you forever.
It is therefore up to you what you make of their presence in your life – and by applying these 10 secrets of becoming likeable, you will never again be short of true friends:-)
More than anything, recognise that we are all here only for a short time, so let’s use this time to the max and have a great time while we are here!
What are your secrets for becoming likeable?
Please do share your own secrets below in the comments.

Just try this the next time:
The next time today or tomorrow you are in conversation with someone, reflect on just how much listening you are actually doing. Note how your mind is sometimes racing away with your own thoughts.
Slow down your mind and focus more intently on the other person and what they are saying. Notice how your connection becomes deeper straightaway.
And then share below how you found this experience.

 The Old Sailor,