Modern Pen Pal romance.....

Dear Bloggers,

As I am getting older and look back to the days that I wore a younger man's clothes. My live was not specifically very romantic. Although I have to admit that I've met quite a few interesting women. Unfortunately I was either too slow to make a move or to shy to make a move on them. Still these memories keep me busy sometimes, as in my time I had a pen pal and we were writing letters by hand. The excitement was great to wait for an other letter from my friend. 

Deep inside of me there was this feeling of butterflies. No nothing ever happened between the two of us as I did not dare to express my feelings for her. And then one day all of a sudden she had a steady boyfriend. It broke my heart butterflies were drowned in a load of beer and I just carried on. I think that our younger generation is missing all this as they reach each other with media like whats app and Instagram nothing mystique anymore. And typing text feels less personal to me.

And I wonder has anyone else noticed that there’s more ‘digital small talk’ going on these days than real-life face-to-face dating? A good friend and I got talking recently about this modern day pen pal kind of dating dilemma. With the multiple options of being able to text, email, tweet, send a whats app, Instagram or Facebook message. Is it becoming the norm to replace in-person interactions with remote alternatives? A virtual connection is made but it never becomes a reality. There are a lot of unreal people on the net. We did go out on Friday and Saturday nights and we were trying in all our stupid ways to make contact with the other sexes.

Are you currently stuck in a pen pal dating situation and wondering why you’re not meeting up in real life? I brainstormed about this with some other guys who had experienced this kind of dating trouble, and here are some of the reasons that this might be happening:

Have you ever considered that the person you’re messaging might already be in a relationship? A poll revealed that 21% of people between 18 and 35 on dating apps/sites were already in a relationship. In my time these things were more clear. As on these apps it's easier to stay anonymous.

Sometimes people simply need someone else to talk to, to combat their loneliness, but it goes no further than that. Communicating through technology is a way of filling a void in real life but that person may have no intention of meeting face-to-face as that digital interaction is all they need. They could use other places to chat about there feeling so lonely.

Ever been stuck in a long queue? Bored on a train journey? We all look for distractions and ways to procrastinate at times like these. Maybe the reason for your pen pal-esque dating is because this chat is nothing more than a boredom cure for the other person. Such a shame that you pick out a dating site for this. 

Sometimes people use dating sites and apps for reassurance that they are still desirable and attractive. It’s sad but sometimes true – perhaps the conversation with the person you like is nothing more than an ego-boost for them. In my opinion you are not very confident.

Uh oh! If someone is only messaging you when they’ve admitted they’re out with friends, or asking you for photos but not sending any in return, don’t fall into the trap of being entertainment for their mates. This is one of the downsides of the internetposting as there is no time to think about these things. When you are writing by hand you have at least some time to think about this.

A reason that pen pal style dating scenarios don’t develop into real-life meet ups is that sometimes the other person has already pigeon-holed you as a back-up plan If things don’t work out with someone else. Remember you should be the number one and not the second option or backup plan.

You might be complaining that your relationship hasn’t progressed to real-life, but have you considered that the reason for this is because the other person is waiting for you to make the first move? If it’s a girl in question, you have to remember that women sometimes like to be chased, so it could just be a case of her playing hard to get in this case.

Blame the technology. Dating isn’t like it used to be. Apps such as Tinder provide a constant stream of new faces to potentially date. Maybe what connects us to people also disconnects us from potential relationships.Too much choice means there’s less of a likelihood of committing to meeting up with one person and we’ll end up interacting online more but meeting up less.

It’s virtually impossible to judge someone’s character solely from speaking to them over an app or website. This person you’re speaking to might be incredibly shy and anxious about meeting up, so that could be why it’s taking a while for it to happen. But I waited too long and she found someone else. Give things a chance to blossom and yes, you may have been talking for a while, but perhaps the other person just wants to get to know you a bit better and feels its too early to meet up. Be patient…

This is the one that no-one wants to hear. Maybe the other person is happy talking to you but they’re just not that into you to take it to the next level and meet up. What to do if you’re stuck in the pen pal-zone. It’s certainly a frustrating place to be and as you can see from the above, there may be lots of different reasons why you’re stuck at this dating dead-end.

If you want to date, why wait? You’ve got nothing to lose by asking, so why not suggest meeting for a coffee? Sometimes it’s just a case of the other person waiting for you to make the move and test the waters. You’ve got over the difficult part of finding someone you like already.

  Remember, you can never lose something you never had in the first place, so it might do you better to cut out the person who is showing no interest in meeting up. Admittedly, with the growing number of dating apps, sites, social networks and ways to communicate, maybe we all need to step back and step away from all this reliance on technology. 

Just start an old trend and meet up in bars or write a letter by hand.
If you’re a single guy and you’re wondering what makes a man irresistible to women…you will not find the answers on a dating site or app. Just go outside and look around you instead of looking at your screen all the time. And simply make contact to the guy or girl next to you on the bus.

The Old Sailor,


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