You have Osteoarthritis and now what?

 

Dear Bloggers,

A few years back in the summer I first felt it: some painful morning stiffness in my fingers. The first signs of osteoarthritis. I resemble my father in many ways. We both went gray when we were 25. He developed osteoarthritis in his fingers around the age of 50 and had deformed, painful fingers and hands 20 years later. Other joints also gave pain complaints over the years. I am a bus driver now and would like to keep doing this until my last day. So, no arthritis for me.

You have to learn to live with osteoarthritis, GPs say and 15 years ago I went to the hospital and the Rheumatologist said it must be Fibromyalgia as there is nothing to find in your blood and you are still young. To keep performing in my job at sea. I had to try things out. They gave me a device that gave electric shocks to ease the pain. After a while it didn’t work out. So, I was getting pain medication and through the years I was on the highest possible dose. This summer the pain was getting back to me, and I became ill of it.

I went to my doctor about it. I thought I knew what he'll say: "There's little you can do about it, just learn to live with it." I have heard from many people around me that this is the message they came home with. Or I'm on the doorstep with drugs that won't address the cause. On sites such as the rheumatoid arthritis fund, osteoarthritis is referred to as “this chronic disease” and the treatment consists of drugs such as painkillers and anti-inflammatories, which the doctors have to prescribe for you according to their protocol. To my surprise, I was immediately referred to the Rheumatologist Dr Baudoin in Lelystad. This doctor is not in favor of numbing people with painkillers and other drugs. This is better than just getting a diagnosis in which you are immediately labeled as a "patient" and the "cure" turns out to be an expensive medical treatment that is not yet available. I don't enjoy these kinds of things. First thing I had to do he said was stopping the painkillers and go back to Panadol and solve the hardest moments. My body was totally in distress as it needed to go back to work again. I have been sick of it for three weeks getting fever and diarrhea and as my immune system was totally on the floor. Surprise surprise I ended up with a pneumonia. Isn’t life wonderful.

No one is responsible for my body. That's just me. I have the task of taking care of this as best as possible and that starts with informing myself well. Fortunately, we live in a time when you can keep yourself well informed. I started researching osteoarthritis and what I could do myself to ensure that I can still do my favorite job somewhat decently at 65. Then what I read made me happy and I want to share this with you.

Osteoarthritis is a disease of joints. These can be fingers, but also knees, elbows or hips. It is a form of inflammation that usually ends in wear and tear. It is therefore important to be there early before the wear occurs. This usually only happens after the age of 40, but it is very common. Women are ten times more likely to develop osteoarthritis than men. Wear and tear occurs in the cartilage of the joints, making the cartilage less elastic. The bone outgrowths, together with muscles and tendons, compensate for this reduced function of the cartilage. This is what causes stiffness at first and pain later. Overloading the joint (sports) can also lead to (extra) wear and tear.

Osteoarthritis says something about your overall health

Osteoarthritis seems to be a local condition, but it says something about the health of your entire body. This has to do with that inflammation that it starts with. Osteoarthritis is in fact a signal that the body is deficient in nutrients. The body uses the nutrients present for your essential organs such as your heart and liver. Just like in a panic situation your heart and muscles get blood to take action instead of your stomach which "only" has to take care of digestion. That is equally less important in a panic state. Your joints are “low” on your body's priority list, as are your skin and hair. You can survive just fine with some wear and tear on skin, hair and joints. So they get less nutrients. Osteoarthritis has everything to do with how you feed yourself. Like almost all chronic diseases, by the way. It is therefore important to ensure good nutrition and therefore sufficient nutrients. This is not to say that it is always preventable.

As we age, we become more prone to inflammation. It is therefore important to delay this process as much as possible. Osteoarthritis also has to do with the balance between free radicals and antioxidants in your body, or the oxidation process. This too cannot be prevented, but it can be kept in balance. Eating like our ancestors did before agriculture and livestock were invented is the best thing you can do to fight inflammation like osteoarthritis. In particular, a good balance between omega 6 (vegetable fats) and omega 3 fatty acids (oily fish) is important. Not too much omega 6 but plenty of omega 3 is the advice. Bit of trouble when you are allergic to seafood like me.

Dairy, bread and too many fast carbohydrates can also cause joint problems, so it is important to reduce them. This also applies to red meat.

Soon I am starting together with my wife on a program where they learn us hopefully more to live a happier and healthier lifestyle. I will suffer from pains as I will go to gym again and having a few muscles being not in the best shape. The best is yet to come and the holiday season is on it’s way.

I will try to blog a bit more again although it is painful to my wrists and fingers.

The Old Sailor,

Tough times and a tough life

Dear Bloggers,



Tough times happen to all of us. No matter how strong or powerful or confident we are, tough times will come: viciously forcing their might on us, causing us to crumble. As mighty as we can feel one day, we can feel just as lost and scared the next.

I don’t say this to cause fear, I say it because it’s unfortunately the truth. The hardest part of tough times is not to lose hope. And even though it isn't easy you have to carry on.

I’ve felt trapped like being under a pile of rubble, no light seeping through, and the rescue workers weren’t coming to save me. It’s a feeling mixed with loss, fear and deflated dreams.

The amazing thing about life (and I’m never going to understand how) is that as long as you’re breathing, you still have a small chance to survive. I don’t care whether you think it’s God, the Universe, or a couple of alien civilizations playing games with us, you always have a chance.

Understand why You are experiencing tough times, But be grateful for what you still have. Yes it sounds easier then it ever will be.

Telling you to be grateful is almost starting to sound cliche. Everybody says it, yet not a lot of people take the time to do it. It’s easy to get lost in cluttered thoughts filled with tumbled-down hope and feel sorry for ourselves, so I understand why we generally don’t make the effort to be grateful. 

But being grateful really helps. It pulls you back into the present moment, allowing you to put your troubles on the back burner, even if it’s for just a short time. It doesn’t matter how you choose to be grateful. You can write out ten things right now you’re grateful for. You can sing to the heavens all the beautiful aspects of your life. You can take a big, giant breath, hold it for ten seconds, give it a powerful exhale and yell, “Yes! I’m grateful for this breath.”

I don’t care, just be grateful, period. If you’re struggling to come up with anything, remember you are, in fact, still alive. That won’t last forever, so take extreme advantage of it.

Remember all the previous tough times You’ve battled through and how You got out of them

You’ve been through your fair share of tough times, am I right? I thought so.

What I find interesting is that you’re still here. You made it through your past tough times even when they probably felt a lot similar to the tough time you’re experiencing right now. Why should this tough time be any different?

Think back for a moment. What positively helped you through? Was it a book, friend, or a family member???? Go back to what helped you through the last tough time. Was there something you did that helped? Just revisit that.

Personally, Bob Marley’s music has always helped me during my tough bouts. It calms me, puts me in a more hopeful mood. But I can get so lost in my struggles sometimes that I forget about Bob’s music. It’s not until I’m proactive about my struggles that I tap into past sources of inspiration and guidance.

Embrace your tough times and explore what options exist to create an even better life. 

 

During tough times you simply can’t give up, ever. Even during the toughest times you must keep your hopes alive by pushing through. Work on what needs to get done, try and build some momentum, and then build on it further.

The last thing you should be doing is quitting, which I slightly hesitate to say because there are some very good reasons to quit sometimes. If You will give up everything is lost.

If you’re passionate about what you want to do, then don’t quit.
If you’re losing your life because of it, well, you don’t have to quit, but take a break from it and get your life back together.
One of my little secrets with my writing is that I write out of my heart and not out of fear. I’m not scared to death every time I type up a story. 

Am I going to make enough money to survive the coming month together with my family, my wife, our kids and our dogs? Is anybody going to even read this one? Is what I’m writing worthwhile, or is it hogwash? Yes my little list of insecure questions goes on and on. 

Somehow I cannot figure out if I do this for fun or do I hope that I will be discovered and earn some cash this way?

If you have been out on a rough sea, you can deal with this tough times as well. So just always keep your head up, believe in yourself, and take life head on.

The Old Sailor,

Saunter

Dear Bloggers,

There are amazing sounds coming from the little silhouette in the tree. The dark blue sky shoots through the small beak. Could there also be birds who do not dare to sing their song? Who only sing their father's psalms when sitting next to him on a twig. My dad could tell me directly what name this little animal has received. With his eyes closed. So he must have seen it with me too. I did not know what a sissy was. Some kind of vegetable, I thought. At least I understood that it was something dirty. Not that I was busy with those kind of things. I did not search for these kind of answers as I do nowadays constantly. Just because I am curious and want to know why? Things were just the way they were and yes it was bad news and I had to man up. But in that regard, I was perhaps more a sensitive guy and sometimes I was maybe more a girl or a little sissy like my father called it.

For example, my mother always had tea ready when I came home after school. It seemed like she had been waiting the whole day for us, something that I could do as well. Just I love to hang out with my wife and kids. I was really a bit of a softy who could enjoy these little loving and caring things that my mother did. Yes and I was a pretty simple guy, I burned my lips and tongue on my tea over and over again.

Next to each other, we sat in the window sill, our wet hairs against the glass that protected us against the ticking drops that wanted to get in. We just had been under the shower. She looked at me. I looked at her. We sat together hand in hand in the window sill. The ticking was going on and it felt like that the window had disappeared and all the drops of the world sat in my body and wanted to get out. Tickling, tingling, tickling against the inside of my skin, my belly, my eyelids, my burned tongue and lips.

Abducted by my shivering spine. Sitting there in the window sill I saw how she, cold as ice, took a few big slugs of the steamy tea. Why did not I see that, she was not a little softy girl at all? And yes she was a lot harder and tougher than me. But I did not care about that I just loved her and did not really know yet, what I could do with this girl. So I just enjoyed each moment we had together.

Now I'm sitting on a bench in a park looking at a little bird whose name I do not know. It's singing so beautiful that it's got to be afraid of love and it must be heartbroken. Only years later, I just realized that there were many other possibilities in relations, and that boys with boys and girls could be with other girls and that these were the so-called sissies. So I was not a little sissy but a little wimp or a softy. In the years that I went to sea and sailed internationally, I discovered that this was not strange and that these people are actually very nice people. And some have become really the ones that should be counted to my best friends. So, I did not understand anything about fear of gays, no, they really don't play with you and it's not really contagious. 

I've been married with a marvelous woman and I understand that luckily we're not all being the same. The fact that I was not a sissy-boy was something I showed during my military service. I struggled and fought hard and cautiously there was only one way and that was only forward and it was sometimes that it felt tough and the road was heavy but with your comrades you can do a lot. Although there are some things that stick forever in your system, but it has made me the man I am now. And I'm very proud of it, even though I have to tell it to myself. I am maybe a bit off the wagon, but I think you should be a little bit crazy and I think it;s actually very healthy.

Do you see that there is an old exercise book between my feet on the ground? With the two horses on the cover. One white and one black, both are galloping, running, jogging. Ah, whatever. In that exercise book I wrote my first voluntary sentences. Her name is on top of each page. After a sweet story about just fun things and yes, what did I have a huge butterfly garden in my belly. 

Suddenly I saw those horses grazing between my old school stuff. Stories about her and me. That we walked into the village hand in hand. She secretly stayed with me without touching her own bed. I have described millions of kisses in detail. Descriptions of kisses that I would give her. And then there are only empty pages left, Blank, Virgin white pages. The stories stopped when she unfortunately did not come back to me again. What we were to each other it did not come back to me. She all of a sudden just collapsed and died on a volleyball court in a sports hall. What do I hate tumors in the brain. There are all those empty pages again.

Why does that little beast in my head not shut up? Why do the hollow sounds of the little creature still enter the empty night? I will flick him out of that tree with this damn book. It will now know that nobody will listen to him if I hit him with these running horses on his beak. I'm on to the bloody beast with his big mouth. Nobody will be able to see on which side the beak was. With a Smile on my face I will listen to the squeeze and the bloodshed of the blood under the weight of my foot. Very short and fierce I will laugh. Then tears will come and their will be regret. I will scrape the puddle with feathers from underneath my boot. I will punch it and push the air on my hand. "Fly, fly, fly again please," I'll whisper to it, "sing, sing, sing please." His parents will be heartbroken pops in my mind, all of a sudden. An t question myself: So much sadness and why? I'm still angry with the fact that someone will be ripped so out of your life. No, you don't want to give this to your worst enemy. For years I have been thinking about the deep wounds that must have struck in the life's of the parents, siblings, school friends and friends. 

And what to think of what was still to be explored in the field of love. Hardly and all of a sudden stopped every one's world and I became sick of the thought that I could never see her again and that I could not hold her anymore. Never more the fun together and doing things together. No, I picked up my life again and I could not change anything about it. Still, I ask myself these questions and I can sometimes walk around with this. Probably at a certain time she would have walked and had found somewhere in the world a tanned Adonis that could've made her happier. But yes ,,,,,,, I will never get these answers. The Lord is merciful but also about that I am no longer sure.

The galloping horses do not blow up any dust in my brain. It's been almost 35 years since and my life has known a lot of ups and downs. But never has anyone ever called me a sissy again. And yes, meanwhile, I am also the father of two children, and I hope I will do things better than my own parents, but that's the purpose of every parent in my opinion. I'm also making mistakes and I've forgiven my father for a long time. He was full of grief as such a young life should not stop this way, his heart broke as every parents heart would, he had to get us back on track as a family because everyday life just goes on. As I grow older, I notice more and more that people around me sometimes have deep scratches on their souls.

There are still beautiful sounds from the silhouette in the tree. The vocals of animal are answered by another birdie and suddenly they shoot through the branches. So there is always a new beginning and this is probably the most beautiful thing in the world. It's just those little things that can make life so beautiful. And then I realize that bench where I'm sitting alone and that I just have to go on with the most beautiful memories and the thoughts that just came together. I hope therefore whatever you should do in this life, think it's been worth it and I had the chance doing the most wonderful things in my life. Sometimes I was falling on my face pretty hard and I just wiped my tears away and took my loss, Even when it hurt I still got up again. So be careful with what you are saying to someone.

The Old Sailor,

All of a sudden it was Christmas again

Dear Bloggers,

For most of us, the holiday of Christmas is often filled with food, presents, family, friends, church family maybe, and many other festive things. It's a time when we get together to remember times long past and to discuss things that are going on today, whether it's funny stories and just getting a few great laughs, or getting together most importantly to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, or to discuss world events and such. Some people don't celebrate at all, and that's OK too. Everybody has their own thing. Christmas can be a very fun holiday and a time to connect with others and to be giving generously. But for some, Christmas can be a very painful reminder of something else. That is, the loss of a loved one. . . . . . . 

Just when the holiday season had started, a family I know lost her man and father who was a very important and much loved family member in their lives to a sudden death of at present unknown causes. They were like everybody else, getting ready for the holidays and looking forward to friends and family getting together. Then the rug was pulled out from under them. Instead of joy, they are feeling intense grief at this sudden loss. Now all of a sudden their plans for Christmas will have an absent family member; husband, father, mentor and friend to so many. Almost all the 1,000 people of our little village went to the funeral to pay their respects. It goes to show what he was in life by the amount of friends he had and the respect they had for him. He earned every bit of it, and I hope he is now with the Lord. I grieve along with the family and friends, for the loss is a very big and devastating one to those of us who knew him.

Many other people have lost loved ones to horrible circumstances during the holidays. Car accidents or other kinds of accidents, suicide, homicide, a sudden or perhaps a lingering illness, and other terrible situations. During the holidays the loss can be devastating and overshadow the holiday and for some very good reasons. It's difficult to enjoy the holiday when you have suffered the loss of someone you loved more than anything during that time period, and their absence creates a void that will never again be completely filled. Christmas is now not only a holiday to celebrate the birth of Christ, but it's now a reminder of the death of a loved one. In time it may heal, but the scar will forever remain, lingering in the back of their minds. That's the very sad part of it, and I would never wish it upon anyone. 

But there is one thing I have always found in all my 44 years. Having lost loved ones myself and thinking of them during Christmas, one thing was very clear even if everything else wasn't at the time. Even though I am not much of a believer, I still think that God doesn't always cause death, but at times he may take someone for reasons known only to him at the time. Sometimes it's a blessing depending on the circumstances, especially if someone is suffering horribly. But often death happens for reasons that God has nothing to do with. 

We all make choices at times, and sometimes choices may take us into a dangerous path which can either take our lives or the lives of others. It's not done on purpose of course, and it's never foreseen, it's just sometimes a result of a person's judgment that isn't always up to par, and unfortunately there are sometimes consequences. Just one mistake can change the course of a person's life forever. Many grieve along with us when we lose somebody because of those circumstances. When it comes to appealing to human nature, he can't change his natural laws for just one person.

Once he created those laws, it had to be universal for everyone, even if it meant pain and heartache at times. The collapse of the Twin Towers is a perfect example of how he could not just re-raise the structure and reverse what happened. Or more recent the shooting on a elementary school in Newton were more than twenty lives were lost, it feels that God has abandoned them. He would have had to do that with everything else as well. 

I give all of you a huge hug and encouragement. Don't ever give up. Our loved ones want us to keep going and keep their memory alive. If we do that, we will always be honoring not only their memory, but honoring them as people who were always will be important to us. As they thought us many important things in live. 

I hope your Christmas and New Year will be very prosperous and happy. Merry Christmas to all of you.

The Old Sailor,

Fibromyalgia is a nasty condition

Dear Bloggers,

This is my second year of being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and I must say that I have picked up my “new life style” quite well. Eventhough pain is my biggest enemy, I walk up straight and smile to my passengers. I never realized before that deep down in me there has been a load of stress. By controlling my life in a different way and doing my things one step at the time, my pain and all the other symptoms became slowly bearable.

The Horror of Fibro headaches

As Fibromyalgia is now the accepted name for a condition that used to be known as musculoskeletal pain syndrome. The name may be updated but the diagnosis still remains a controversial one as there are still those in the medical community who discount the validity of the condition. And that is a shame as many people like myself who want to carry on are being turned down in so many ways. The controversy arises over the non-specific nature of many of the symptoms as well as the psychological aspects of the syndrome that have been observed. It is hard to find a suitable job if you have to do it on your own. It takes a hell lot of energy that you simply don’t have.

The syndrome is classified as a rheumatic condition, related to arthritis, with the major symptoms being muscle and joint pain over large parts of the body and fatgue. Usually these symptoms are also accompanied by a lowered pain threshold, anxiety and depression. The lowered pain threshold is the major reason why so many remain skeptical over the validity of Fibromyalgia as a specific disease. People with arthritis get help from the authorities and they can get a contract for working a part time job the other half is paid by the government. At least you can be there for your family and function on full power at your job.

The "New Me"

The disease affects roughly ten times more women than it does men but science has yet to determine why that is. One theory is that it is not actually this imbalanced but that men remain undiagnosed or misdiagnosed more often than women do. Perhaps with further research the truth will be found but until then, it appears to affect far more women than men. My thoughts are that men are to affraid to loose their job and their face. If you live in a small community you are quickly called lazy and that f***ing hits you like a hammer.

Generally fibromyalgia sufferers start off with widespread muscle aches and joint pain, usually accompanied by debilitating fatigue. Some people will also experience muscle twitching or burning for no apparent reason. These symptoms often appear at the same time as depression and sleep disturbances.

There are other symptoms associated with fibromyalgia but most victims will have only some of them, making each person seem to have a different problem (another reason for misdiagnosis). A person may experience several of these symptoms at the same time during acute periods while experiencing none during other times. Common complaints include stomach pain, dry mouth or eyes, chronic headache, anxiety, restless legs syndrome, stiff joints, incontinence, sensitivity to hot or cold. Most of these things I recognize as my own in my case I did not experience the restless legs and I very seldom I face anxiety, therefor I do get cramped legs in restperiods and I cannot stand overcrowded places anymore.

Reaching a diagnosis can be a long process as there are no specific tests to determine if you have fibromyalgia. In my case it went quick it only took seven months due to the pressure provided by the Danish government. Normally this process takes a whole year in the Netherlands. It is more a process of eliminating everything that it is not, before determining what it actually is. The doctor will usually do extensive blood tests to rule out many other conditions. Of course, you also must meet the diagnostic criteria which will always include widespread pain that lasts for three months or longer. That means the pain will be on both sides of the body, above and below the waist and will be present in at least one of the chest, neck or back.

There isn’t any specific treatment for fibromyalgia as a condition. Instead, treatment options are all aimed at relieving specific symptoms. Typically a sufferer will be prescribed a medication to reduce or control the pain as well as an antidepressant to deal with the emotional aspects of the disease. I refused to take the antidepressants as I hate all this medication that I get prescribed. My doctor was surprised on my reaction “less synthetic crap is better for the old body.” Behavioral techniques such as stress management are often used in conjunction with the medications as stress has been shown to aggravate the condition and bring on acute episodes.

Some alternative therapies have produced success in some patients but they have not been subject to many verifiable studies. Therapeutic, deep tissue massage has been known to be a help in relieving the pain, at least temporarily. Some also find relief through acupuncture, hypnosis and even chiropractic manipulation. I found my way to get relief by daily Tai Chi practise some basic moves and meditate on free moments to bring the mind at ease. Stress is the enemy. Even I am a huge fan of a love life the pain is always in the way. During foreplay I have to take breaks as my body gives up. And my wife is not the easiest one to please as she loves the full attention during this beautiful hobby.

Whether you choose to go with medication, alternative therapies or a combination of both, there are some things you should do to help your body deal with this sometimes devastating condition. Eat a balanced diet so that your body receives the nutrition needed to support repair and building of muscle tissue, exercise regularly and get enough sleep each day so that you will be in optimal health in order to deal with the affects of this musculoskeletal pain syndrome. Enough sleep is sometimes tricky if you have to start early shifts and your partner calls you lazy when she finds you sleeping on the couch. I feel so useless in many ways as I am not the man that I was a few years ago. Nothing was to much for me and I was never ever tired. Nowadays I wake up tired and on my free moments I feel more dead than alive.

The Old Sailor,

Married or Single who is happier?

Dear Bloggers,

Last night I had to work and somehow during a break we talked about relationships of our drivers and pretty quickly I calculated that 85% of my new colleagues either is divorced or is in the middle of the separation process. Staying together with the same partner is getting more and more unique. I can tell you from my own experience that it is a bumpy road, and you have to take it slow not to break it.

You have to live with eachothers mishaps as well

 

Diehard romantics say you can't put a price on love, but a pair of European economists disagrees, the two men calculated the monetary worth of marriage at $100,000 per year. Hmmm......surprises me as I am always out of money. But this given I started digging again to fimd out what is normal nowadays.

Despite the potential payoff, people in Europe are putting off marriage later in life than ever before. In correlation with the rising life expectancy, men and women are giving themselves more time before exchanging vows. The average age for an American woman to get hitched rose from 20.8 to 25.3 from 1970 to 2003. Additionally, more adults are living the single life, thanks in large part to the higher divorce rate. According to data, 90 percent more single-person households existed in 2005 than in 1970.

And they lived..........Scary fairytale

Over the past 30 years, marriage has become more of a social choice than a necessity, but all it takes is a few episodes of "Sex and the City" to see that Western culture still favors cohabitation. Humans' animal instincts are wired for mating in one way or another. Moreover, a pervasive idea exists that discovering a soul mate brings joy and makes life worth living. Perhaps we aren't far off the mark; studies have shown that married people tend to earn more money and live longer than singles. Marriage also appears to promote better health. The study showed that husbands and wives are less likely to smoke or drink heavily, experience frequent headaches and suffer from psychological problems than people who aren't married.

But betting on marriage to bring you happiness may be a risky gamble. After all, the odds of holding on to that perfect partner forever have been whittled down to a coin flip -- about 48 percent of marriages end in divorce. Nevertheless, psychologists have pointed to marriage as the single most reliable happiness indicator. Across nations and ethnic groups, people report greater happiness from marriage than career, community or money. A 2005 survey substantiates these assertions. Forty-three percent of married respondents reported that they were "very happy," compared to 24 percent of unmarried individuals. Those results were consistent for all age groups and genders.

As any good scientist knows, correlation does not always equal causation. To close the case on whether marital bliss trumps the single life, we must deduce which comes first: happiness or marriage?

But what when the Honeymoon ends?
Does marriage make people happier, or do happier people get married?

A study of 24,000 German couples demonstrated the existence of the honeymoon phase that newlyweds experience. Tracking the couples' happiness levels over 15 years, a psychology professor from Michigan State University found that spouses exhibited an uptick in happiness soon after marriage. Then, those happiness levels gradually returned to their premarital state.

The Old Sailors wallet (onion leather, as every time you look in it, you will get tears in your eyes.)

This pattern is comparable to the effects of sudden financial improvement on people's happiness. For people living with relatively low incomes, money can buy happiness for a while. Yet the longer someone gets used to having more cash on hand, the more it loses its luster.

Absolutely........ Ehhr, no comment.

This doesn't negate the survey results that show higher happiness rates among married people. Rather, it has led some psychologists to conjecture that married people are merely more inclined toward happiness since they're happier to begin with. Humans are predisposed to certain happiness ranges depending on their genetics, personality and life circumstances. Also, happier people are generally more social, and it follows that people who actively socialize will be more likely to meet someone they'd like to marry.

As with other major life events, people are inclined to return to their innate happiness baselines as time goes on. The study of German couples found that this holds true even with the death of a spouse. Yet the same psychologist who conducted the initial research concluded that bouncing back to that baseline may be harder following divorce. The participants who went through divorce had a slightly lower level of life satisfaction.

Expectations for marital bliss can also play an important role in determining happiness. A study from the University of Florida highlighted a relationship between the skills that people bring to a marriage and people's anticipation for how much marriage will improve their lives. If partners have overly high expectations for marriage transforming their lives into in a joyous wonderland, they need to have the relationship skills to match. Otherwise, it's like going to a spelling bee expecting first place without ever cracking a dictionary.

As we've learned from happiness surveys, wedding bells can portend happy futures. But happily ever after requires more than an "I do." Marriage won't magically create happiness, which makes personal character development during the single years even more important.

Darn, a good marriage is a lot of hard work.

The Old Sailor,



Dear Bloggers,


I'll tell you how I look at my companion for life called fibro, it became a part of me in my daily life. Acceptance is difficult but as time passes it is becoming easier and by falling on your face you learn things the fastest way. Anxiety is a poor guide so if it is diagnosed then go and search for positive stories on the Internet. What struck me in the beginning that there were much more negative than positive stories to find. But with a little bit of effort put into searching I was able to find them. I have experienced it from the beginning as a terrible thing and the capriciousness with which it all comes and goes makes it difficult to control. Yet I have at some point found some rest and made a good deal with my body. I'm less anxious to do things and I started with a physio fitness program was tailor made for me. In the beginning I had to get used to the idea to do anykind of sports as in my opinion this was absolutely impossible. Still, I put on my "naughty" shoes (sneakers) and gave it a shot. But after the third lesson it was disastrous because my body totally refused to join these days and seriously frustrated I returned home.

Knocked out by FMS

Many people are told by "well-meaning friends/doctors" just get out & exercise. Yes, exercise is very important but it is not a cure, nor is lack of exercise a cause. And it is very possible that they may only be able to do a few light stretches, or to walk one block at a time. The exercise routines I used to do are no longer an option for me. Even athletes who start having problems with FMS have to start at the bottom. It is very frustrating. Exercising causes major pain so it is very important to start slowly. Another problem with FMS is the delayed reaction. Sometimes pains from "over-doing it" don't hit until 24 to 48 hours later. So it is very easy to over-do. You may think you are doing ok, but then the next day it will hit you & knock you flat. Despite the pain it is important to find a routine because it will help you cope and deal with your complaints. If you start slow you will eventually build up to where you can do more & more. Proper counseling is very important, but more importantly you know yourself what you can handle. Your trainer is there to tell you how you do things the right way to practice. The taxation of your body you should try.

My best friend and companion for life: Fibromyalgia

I found peace only when I started practicing Tai Chi and I was told to improve my situation and accepting you are having a disability. A Tai Chi practitioner who ends up in a combat situation, is not so much concerned with eliminating the adversary, but to improve their own position. This requires often initially reported to give up something first. The Tai Chi practitioner does not experience this as a loss but as an investment. By accepting it, it will create a greater freedom of movement within a better position than relativly can be taken by the other. Then the other must give up his position is not as objective but as a side effect experienced by both parties. (There is not so much as a loser in competition, but a recognition of being the better half in the other). For me this was the way to deal with the person that I've become now. It's not really complicated if you know what you can do, and your borders are not your limitations. Also this is a form of acceptance.

Fibro-fog is another aspect that can really throw a person off. Fibro-fog basically means that you can not think clearly and that is sometimes quite difficult.This ranges from doing "stupid" things (like putting the salt & pepper in the refrigerator and putting the milk in the cupboard or forgetting words you have used since kindergarten) to very severe fibro-fog where you can't function (write checks, drive a car, cook dinner, follow a conversation, etc). I often suffer from memory problems as some of the files that exist on my hard drive are erased especially many memories from the past. But some things excist no longer and happened shorter than one year ago. Yet I know I do here to save the story to run. With statements of "Well, help me out on the road."Many times when people are experiencing fibro-fog they don't even realize it! It can be so severe that people may think you are getting dementia. Fibro-fog can occur in short periods here and there, but sometimes days or weeks, even this is different from person to person.

Well I stick to this phrase like always: “Live life as long it is there, pray for less fights, spend your last money on a drink and fuck if your life is depending on it.”

The Old Sailor,