Summertime is not always fun

Dear Bloggers,

This is the time of year to make the whole Internet smell like coconut flavoured sunscreen. And campfire logs things that I associate with Summer. And of course the smell of fresh-mown grass.

It's like when you imagine the Internet will sparkle like fireflies and humming bees and butterflies in the garden. Stretch yourself out on your lawn, with that scratchy grass tickling the backs of your legs. Reading a book and fall asleep in the morning Sun.

The smell of grilled burgers on the back deck in the garden. The sound of kids playing in the pool. The sweet taste of a fresh mixed Mocktail, with cubes clinking against the glass on a sizzling summer afternoon.

These are vacation stories. We want to do some crazy roller coaster rides and our summer BBQs and our trips to museums and our lazy days in the garden. Maybe this are our best vacations as we are poor and having trouble to plan a day out. Hopefully one day life will surprise us, we just should not lose hope.

Tell me: Where have your best vacations taken you? Or kept you? Did you go far away, or stay right at home? What are your best vacation stories?
While the stereotypical summer vacation usually involves a caravan or a beach, the vacations most of us take are much less nostalgic and far more varied than that. Or even if there is a beach or a caravan, it’s not the one we see in movies or read in books. They are most of the time less romantic. Some of the best vacations, in fact, don’t involve packing or traveling at all; they happen in the backyard or on the front porch. I am telling you some of our best vacation stories, the ones where things didn’t turn out as expected, where plans changed and so did we. As I share what happened when we step away from every days business for vacation.

We probably won't be lazing away your summer by the pool, but with a little extra planning we'll still be able to create your own kind of magical summer memories.

Lazy days aren't really a thing
My favorite part of summer vacation is lazy days without a single plan in the world. In a perfect world, I would sleep in, enjoy a slow morning while the kids played and then we would all take off on a spontaneous adventure. Yes, did you picture that! The reality is that my daughter, thrives on structure and needs to know exactly what's going to happen throughout the day. And my spouse needs to know in advance what she can expect otherwise she is not capable to manage all the signals from everything around her. Lovely thing that is called PTSD. My other daughter is having a job and so that means our summer activities during vacation need to be planned as it is a school day. Sigh.

To keep things manageable but still fun, providing structured activities for our kid and my wife can reduce their stress and help us all get more from our summer vacation. A bit of organizing nut fun for all of us.
Therapies don't take breaks.

Most of us look forward to the break from the school year. When you're in my position it's a never ending story. There's a seemingly endless round of therapies, and none of them pause for the summer.

If anything, summer is sometimes more hectic than the school year because we have to fit all of these therapies in around those memory-building moments we're we loose track of what day of the week it is. Good luck we need for finding the energy to have a backyard camp out after a long week of shuttling from therapy to therapy! The good news is that often our kids are much less interested in new adventures than we are, and they don't mind taking it easy after a long day of therapies. They drop on the couch with a book or a cell phone.

It costs a fortune to get my wife the care she needs
I swear by my wife's equine therapies and she loves going to them, but they aren't cheap. Plus, she has to be taken there as she is not capable to travel on her own due to panic attacks; she requires special needs for a summer break and needs to be prepared to make it work, and all of these specialized therapies and going to camp out come with a price.

As much as we might want to take our family to exotic destinations or even to the lake for a long weekend, the money we spend on fuel and specialized therapies can leave us with nothing left to spend on summer fun. It's bitter when you work hard but you don't make enough to cover the costs.

Summer fun isn't so fun.
Most kids love going to water parks or play spaces, but for my wife these places can trigger sensory overload. Heat, noise and crowds are the biggest trigger hells, and that can leave us scrambling to fill these endless summer days. There are few places that appeal to kids and that don't get to crowded during the summer, so often we find ourselves spending more time at home (even though we'd really rather be out and about).

This is even more challenging when we have a neuro-typical kid, too. Balancing the needs of kids who are begging to go to the lake or the splash park is always a challenge when the same places they love create anxiety and fear in my spouse. There's no right or wrong answer, but it's easy to feel like we aren't meeting any one's needs during the summer.

Going on a trip is sometimes like a really bad trip to the dentist
I've always loved to travel. But for my daughter, going on a trip is extremely exciting and for my wife anxiety-inducing, even if it's only for a day. She relies on her dogs for comfort and the familiarity and of our home for stability, and being away from them for any period of time is eating all her energy and due to the anxiety she is getting easily upset. 

No matter how much we talk through the details of the trip ahead of time, there's no predicting how it'll go exactly. We've had terrible meltdowns on road trips and perfect planned rides, but the one constant in our travel experiences has been the lack of consistency.

Through the years, I've learned to plan the best I can and just ride the wave of whatever happens. My daughter may have meltdowns and my wife will get triggered in public places, and people may be huge jerks about it, but we enjoy the day out, and the rest of the world can just suck it up and deal with a meltdown once in awhile. Part of being a partner and a dad is the part learning to accept what you can't change and letting go of any and all guilt or embarrassment about it.

There's no break ... for us
It's important to find ways to take care of ourselves over the summer, not just our kids. That's easier said than done when there's few breaks to be found, but if we don't prioritize ourselves we can't be the moms and dads our kids need us to be or the parents we want to be. Being an caretaker dad/husband/man is a huge part of my live, but it's important not let our entire identities become consumed by our parenting either. I need to do silly man things and be a lover even though it's hard sometimes.

Most of all, we all need to remember that it's often a tough path but we're in this together. Find your support group and share your experiences with fellow spouses who have to deal with it as well. Just don't forget the drinks.



The Old Sailor,

Summer is leaving us and autumn is on the way

Dear Bloggers, 

 

When I woke up this morning and gazed into the morning sun having my breakfast and nice cup of tea it came to me that also this summer is leaving us and autumn is on the way. I went with the kids to the fair in the village where I was born and raised, to me this fair is the end of summer and the beginning of the fall or harvesting season. 

You can feel that the air is changing. This is a special time of year, certainly not my favorite. The heat of summer gives way to cool, misty mornings and brisk nights. The sun hangs lower in the sky, shading some areas that got steady sun all summer. The equinox approaches, shortening the days and lengthening the nights.

This time of year has always been used to terrify ancient people who did not realize the sun would "turn around" and start rising in its orbit, come the time we now know as the winter solstice. Fortunately, we know that we can enjoy this time of year for what it is: the natural decay of the green, summer world, the turning of the leaves and the coming of winter.

Why do I love this time of year? It isn’t for the rain showers but let me count the ways. I am not a fan of extreme hot days and I am quite happy that we are running into cooler weather and as I see slowly some trees that are already changing a bit of color. The vivid, rich colors of the fall foliage in the Northern parts of the Netherlands. As it is getting a bit colder in the morning and evening hours, I can start wearing my favorite jackets and blazers. 

Drinking hot cocoa at the fireplace with a zip of beerenburg to kill an upcoming flu. Great memories of autumns that past many years ago: as they were the start of some special relationships with girls. Even though none of them had a happy ending as I met my wife in January just after the holidays.  

When I am walking outside in the brisk evening air and the smell of burning firewood it gives me a feeling of cosiness and when you look up you’re seeing the constellation Orion in the sky. And what about making on rainy days comfort food like stews and soups, roast beef and such. It was a great summer and the temperature was incredibly high. Now slowly things have turned back to normal and are back in the school rhythm again. Holidays are over again and soon we are living up to darker days with stormy weather and leaves on the ground in the most beautiful colors.

The Old Sailor,

I don't want to be a weatherman

Dear Bloggers,


When I got up today I turned on the radio and during my breakfast I listened to the weatherforecast. It must be a depressive job, I think only predicting rain and here and there a little bit of sunny spells. The rain is really pooring down and my garden turned into a swamp.

I give myself plenty of extra time heading out this morning. Numerous Flash Flood Warnings are in effect and rainfall rates of 3-5 centimeters per hour are occurring over our region.The ground is saturated and streams, creeks and rivers are spilling over their banks. Street flooding and road closures are numerous and mass transit has cancellations or delays because of the flooding.


Mud and flood waters closed parts of some villages as the roads are flooding eventhough the higways and roads have not the biggest problems but several roadworks are giving some detours. Driving through flood waters is not very smart as you don’t know what lies underneath; this is a very dangerous situation!

Since Monday, over 30 centimeters of rain have fallen in parts of the Dutch Delta. All of this rain is a combination of remains of Tropical Storm Irene combined with a slow moving cold front. The large and persistent storm system will continue to spin over our region today and the Flood Watch has been extended through this morning. The Delta works are being watche closely to make sure live behind the dikes is save.

As of 6 a.m.this morning, heavy rain and thunderstorms continue to come over our region again. Raining is the biggest concern at the moment and I must admit it is pretty boring to see nothing else then rain. Many parts of the Netherlands have areas of heavy rain moving over the same region in a relatively short period of time, producing excessive rainfall amounts which often lead to flash flooding. Some had nothing else but rain all summer long.

Rain chances will stay with us through the weekend, but there will be dry weather and sunshine as we head into early next week. Let us hope that the weathermen are right this time as this part of the world needs to dry up a little bit.

The Old Sailor,

End of the summer holidays

Dear Bloggers,

As it is the last weekend before the summer holidays are ending and the kids are getting ready for going to school again. We did all the lousy work as placing covers around the school books and buying stuff that you would need this coming semester. It has been a long summer this year as in 90% of the days rain was pooring down in large amounts that even streets flooded.

 

Show me any parent of young children and I’ll show you a person breathing a massive sigh of relief today that the six-week break is finally over. Some may even crack open the bubbly tonight to celebrate surviving what has become an almost impossible mix of childcare juggling, stretching the household budget to the breaking point, to simply tuning out to the constant moans of “I’m bored”.

Add into the mix more than one child and a parent will need to have developed the skills of an UN negotiator as the fight for boundries and territory for brothers and sisters, they intensify dramatically when school’s out for the summer.




Yes, six weeks can be a very long time when there’s youngsters to entertain. I am one of those parents that is constantly in the midlle of this unfair war called summer holiday. Running around through the trenches of battling kids that are trying to fill their days with silly things.

For working parents the need to find temporary childcare during working hours is not just expensive but far from easy to organise as grandpa and grandma are fun for a few days but after that they are also boring. If you are so lucky that your childcare is well organised the kids will find other ways to get your attention by nagging that we are never doing anything fun. And for those that are in the luxury position that they can be at home there is the constant demand for something to do. And that is not easy to think up things that are not that expensive or even free as most budgets are limited


Now I am a firm believer in the great outdoors and the limitless amusement to be had from letting your imagination run wild. But with the best will in the world today’s youngsters are not the greatest at making the most of these open and, more importantly, free commodities. And to be fair parents, in a world which appears to have more potential for harm, are not that great at letting them.

Most families will also want to share at least one special treat over the summer, if not one a week, and that is far from cheap. For example take the cinema. After Christmas the summer is the key time when most family blockbusters are released but with new 3D technology, taking a family of four can cost almost €60. That’s a fair old dent in the household budget and one which few can afford.



In fact there are not many family friendly attractions – A bit of a funpark charges you approx. €25 per person and than you need something to eat and to drink during the day. although bravo to the smaller funparks as they have normal entrance fares like €7,50 per adult and half price for kids up to the age of 15. Also Qbuzz public transport service in my part of the country adults pay the full price of €6 and take two kids for free up to the age of 11 a great ride for a bit of promotion. At least some kind of helping hand is needed for those who will have been tearing their hair out two days after the summer term ended. And that’s no exaggeration.

Attending a summer fair on the weekend after the schools broke up I was chatting to two mums who were watching their collective brood, five between them, run among the stalls like wild animals before they are taking over the bouncy castle in what can only be described as a frenzied attack. The best example of those battlegrounds that I desribed earlier in this blog.



One looked to the other with that what I thought was an “ahh factor” face only for it to dissolve into clenched fear while she joked in an almost whisper: “Good job I have a stocked up on wine because something tells me I am going to need it over the next few weeks.” Hmmm....living the great outdoors live and being half pissed all the time.

I really doubt she was alone in having that thought at the beginning of the summer.

The new term – it’s definitely good news for some.

The Old Sailor,