Showing posts with label fun. Show all posts
Showing posts with label fun. Show all posts

August 2, 2016

Summertime is not always fun


Dear Bloggers,

This is the time of year to make the whole Internet smell like coconut flavoured sunscreen. And campfire logs things that I associate with Summer. And of course the smell of fresh-mown grass.


It's like when you imagine the Internet will sparkle like fireflies and humming bees and butterflies in the garden. Stretch yourself out on your lawn, with that scratchy grass tickling the backs of your legs. Reading a book and fall asleep in the morning Sun.


The smell of grilled burgers on the back deck in the garden. The sound of kids playing in the pool. The sweet taste of a fresh mixed Mocktail, with cubes clinking against the glass on a sizzling summer afternoon.

These are vacation stories. We want to do some crazy roller coaster rides and our summer BBQs and our trips to museums and our lazy days in the garden. Maybe this are our best vacations as we are poor and having trouble to plan a day out. Hopefully one day life will surprise us, we just should not lose hope.


Tell me: Where have your best vacations taken you? Or kept you? Did you go far away, or stay right at home? What are your best vacation stories?
While the stereotypical summer vacation usually involves a caravan or a beach, the vacations most of us take are much less nostalgic and far more varied than that. Or even if there is a beach or a caravan, it’s not the one we see in movies or read in books. They are most of the time less romantic. Some of the best vacations, in fact, don’t involve packing or traveling at all; they happen in the backyard or on the front porch. I am telling you some of our best vacation stories, the ones where things didn’t turn out as expected, where plans changed and so did we. As I share what happened when we step away from every days business for vacation.


We probably won't be lazing away your summer by the pool, but with a little extra planning we'll still be able to create your own kind of magical summer memories.

Lazy days aren't really a thing
My favorite part of summer vacation is lazy days without a single plan in the world. In a perfect world, I would sleep in, enjoy a slow morning while the kids played and then we would all take off on a spontaneous adventure. Yes, did you picture that! The reality is that my daughter, thrives on structure and needs to know exactly what's going to happen throughout the day. And my spouse needs to know in advance what she can expect otherwise she is not capable to manage all the signals from everything around her. Lovely thing that is called PTSD. My other daughter is having a job and so that means our summer activities during vacation need to be planned as it is a school day. Sigh.


To keep things manageable but still fun, providing structured activities for our kid and my wife can reduce their stress and help us all get more from our summer vacation. A bit of organizing nut fun for all of us.
Therapies don't take breaks.

Most of us look forward to the break from the school year. When you're in my position it's a never ending story. There's a seemingly endless round of therapies, and none of them pause for the summer.



If anything, summer is sometimes more hectic than the school year because we have to fit all of these therapies in around those memory-building moments we're we loose track of what day of the week it is. Good luck we need for finding the energy to have a backyard camp out after a long week of shuttling from therapy to therapy! The good news is that often our kids are much less interested in new adventures than we are, and they don't mind taking it easy after a long day of therapies. They drop on the couch with a book or a cell phone.


It costs a fortune to get my wife the care she needs
I swear by my wife's equine therapies and she loves going to them, but they aren't cheap. Plus, she has to be taken there as she is not capable to travel on her own due to panic attacks; she requires special needs for a summer break and needs to be prepared to make it work, and all of these specialized therapies and going to camp out come with a price.


As much as we might want to take our family to exotic destinations or even to the lake for a long weekend, the money we spend on fuel and specialized therapies can leave us with nothing left to spend on summer fun. It's bitter when you work hard but you don't make enough to cover the costs.

Summer fun isn't so fun.
Most kids love going to water parks or play spaces, but for my wife these places can trigger sensory overload. Heat, noise and crowds are the biggest trigger hells, and that can leave us scrambling to fill these endless summer days. There are few places that appeal to kids and that don't get to crowded during the summer, so often we find ourselves spending more time at home (even though we'd really rather be out and about).


This is even more challenging when we have a neuro-typical kid, too. Balancing the needs of kids who are begging to go to the lake or the splash park is always a challenge when the same places they love create anxiety and fear in my spouse. There's no right or wrong answer, but it's easy to feel like we aren't meeting any one's needs during the summer.


Going on a trip is sometimes like a really bad trip to the dentist
I've always loved to travel. But for my daughter, going on a trip is extremely exciting and for my wife anxiety-inducing, even if it's only for a day. She relies on her dogs for comfort and the familiarity and of our home for stability, and being away from them for any period of time is eating all her energy and due to the anxiety she is getting easily upset. 


No matter how much we talk through the details of the trip ahead of time, there's no predicting how it'll go exactly. We've had terrible meltdowns on road trips and perfect planned rides, but the one constant in our travel experiences has been the lack of consistency.

Through the years, I've learned to plan the best I can and just ride the wave of whatever happens. My daughter may have meltdowns and my wife will get triggered in public places, and people may be huge jerks about it, but we enjoy the day out, and the rest of the world can just suck it up and deal with a meltdown once in awhile. Part of being a partner and a dad is the part learning to accept what you can't change and letting go of any and all guilt or embarrassment about it.


There's no break ... for us
It's important to find ways to take care of ourselves over the summer, not just our kids. That's easier said than done when there's few breaks to be found, but if we don't prioritize ourselves we can't be the moms and dads our kids need us to be or the parents we want to be. Being an caretaker dad/husband/man is a huge part of my live, but it's important not let our entire identities become consumed by our parenting either. I need to do silly man things and be a lover even though it's hard sometimes.


Most of all, we all need to remember that it's often a tough path but we're in this together. Find your support group and share your experiences with fellow spouses who have to deal with it as well. Just don't forget the drinks.



The Old Sailor,

March 27, 2013

That is my wish...


Dear Bloggers,

Sometimes there are moments in life where shivers run down your spine. This may be of emotion, love, fun moments on television because you're sick, happy or maybe sad or filled with grief. Outside these emotions or feelings, there are many other causes consisting of emotion and chills. When I look up to the sky, I see the beautiful white clouds floating and an airplane flies over with a leaving a beautiful white trail behind on its way towards the sun. Sitting at the computer at home I hear the music on the radio as an emotional tone makes my thoughts play.


Listening to Glennis Grace a great Dutch artist singing “Dat is mijn wens,” translated “That is my wish,”I remember most of the beautiful things in my life. The life which today includes also anxiety, panic, stress and aggression. My mind changed after I fell down the stairs some years ago and I never found the old me back. kicking people to death has become nearly normal in today's society, or shooting people for no reason as well.



It also became normal to insult others or abuse persons in a public job has become one of the most normal things in life. The word "respect" that everyone knows has become totally meaningless. You may try it but it seems to be an impossible task to correct people their behavior. People live in fear of "something might trigger them." And the only way to pay for it is my life. It is scandalous.



 
I think everyone who reads this, has a fun moment in his life and can bring forward something from his or her childhood. Moments from the highest classes of elementry school that you were at camp and you were dating and later saw that she was the cutest or ugliest girl or boy of the class. Children like my daughter Danique, who is dancing to music of K3, slip into the thought that they are playing outside going of the slide, and sleep under a blanket of Winnie the Pooh.


 

Often I wish applicable to the number Glennis Grace, that people could be that child again. Rather than the age, gaming or the leisure. But the variation of thoughts that children have, never have to worry and especially that they are having no real stress or feelings of anxiety or other "common evils". No they rather looking on the bright side of life.



Children are enjoying small things like a cup of tea, a glass of lemonade or a delicious candy. They can enjoy nature, that birds are singing, playing tag or hide and seek behind a thin tree where a parent is actually too thick for it. Nowadays the life about of care and concern. Take care of your immediate family, friends or other very important people in your life. Take care of your family, wife and / or child (ren). 




Of course sometimes it's just not easy, and of course "sometimes" something like that can take years. Life does not go hand in hand with everyday joy, love and romance. Sometimes years go by illness, accident or "it's not today" moment. Sometimes we have to say goodbye to people close to us or someone we should support in his mind as the sun doesn’t shine, but you rather see clouds, and that there are a lot of them that go past you.



Support people, help people or give people the help that they need. As relatives, friends or family grab each other's hand and go happily through this life. When we see children on the news or in the newspapers that carry a gun or tell them while playing tag their brother could be lost because he stepped on a mine, then I'm happy with my wife and daughters, so I doubly enjoy those little things that makes life in the Netherlands not that bad. 



Because what can beat the thought of walking arm in arm on the beach, under a sun that slowly goes down in the North Sea. My daughters running in front of us finding one after the other shell, that looks like a win for their collection! one family, one thought, one feeling to make a desirable family complete. That is my wish...........

The Old Sailor,

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