Men and wanting only one thing

Dear Bloggers,

Sex researchers are peculiar beasts. Armed with their tape measures, clipboards, surveys, and hidden cameras, they seek to provide a peephole from which to scrutinize that most private of spheres, human sexuality.

The idea that men think about sex every seven seconds, like the claim that we only use 10 percent of our brains, is often repeated but rarely sourced. The number doesn't bear up against scrutiny. According to the Kinsey Report, 54% of men think about sex every day or several times a day, 43 percent a few times a week or a few times a month, and 4 percent less than once a month. Even though the Kinsey Report relies on men to self-report on how often they think about sex, it's still eye opening to find that just under half of men aren't even thinking about sex once a day. Clearly, the seven-second rule may be a tad hyperbolic.

“Not Tonight, Honey” is a well known phrase for most man and this might lead to sexual frustration. As man are not all that good at being turned down.

The stereotype about the sex-starved man and the disinterested woman may be more than just a cliche. As it turns out, the instant a woman enters a secure relationship, her sex drive begins to plummet. Four years in, a German study found, fewer than half of women wanted regular sex. And after 20 years, only 20 percent did.

Among men, libido held steady no matter how long they'd been in the relationship. Researchers provide an evolutionary explanation—women's sex drive is initially high to facilitate pair bonding. Meanwhile, desire for tenderness showed the opposite trend. Ninety percent of women craved tenderness, but of men who'd been in relationships for ten years, only 25 percent said they hoped for the same from their partner.

In Three Minutes Flat

Judging from the average porn flick, romance novel, or locker room conversation, a Martian landing on Earth would probably assume that intercourse would last somewhere in the vicinity of 40 minutes. But if that Martian were to actually enter into a relationship, he might be in for a big disappointment. Such marathon sessions are the exception to the rule; surveys find that the average sex session lasts from three to ten minutes. Not that any of this should be so surprising as the average hotel porn viewer watches for just 12 minutes.

I was in a conversation the other day (the only thing I do if there are not that many people on the bus and every subject is welcome as the average run is approx 30 minutes) and the passenger has a less boring ride as well.

This particular young lady who is studying social science introduced me to a new level and we got onto the subject of dating. A lot has changed a total new generation has entered don’t ask, you know how women can talk in circles and the woman expressed discouragement because the men she met were only interested in One Thing. According to her this was not what she was looking for in a relationship, she was more looking for a guy that could take care of himself and sex would not be a main thing. For a moment I was puzzled and thought what has happened to this young lady. Has she had some bad experiences with guys.

 

I said “So what?”  It is a fact that half of the populatian of the human male species are only interested in One Thing.  But I think you should not be to careful when dating as men are all hunters it is in there brain from day one. Only this time I added, “Maybe I am only interested in One Thing, too, but is that a problem to have a conversation with me?”  My poor passenger, whom I thought nothing could shock, blanched. And she said: “No of course there is no problem in conversating but you are so open minded that it shocked me.” She smiled and said: “Maybe you are right about the guys there might be some nice personality behind the hunter.” She got off the bus and waved goodbye to me and smiled.

 

The thing is that men aren’t really interested in only One Thing.  But they certainly need to get that One Thing out of the way.  And, the truth is so do women.  At least, once we reach a certain age. If we aren’t looking for a mother or father for our children, or, necessarily a good provider, if we’re looking for a lover, a companion, and a great man or woman to hang with for some measure of the duration, then we need to be honest with ourselves:  doesn’t The Thing count for something? Don’t we want a man or woman who makes our stomach jump, our heart flop, our mouth long for the kiss?  Aren’t we looking for romance and isn’t romance that tingly feeling we can’t explain? Not in all cases it fades away. But my question is: “Isn’t that the reason women get sex and love so mixed up with each other?”  To love someone you have to want them to touch you and this should not all come from one side.

 

I mean, let’s get real.  We’re dating for a reason. We can go to the movies with a friend.  We’ve got our kids to love, our parents to take care of.  We are all grown up now.  We want someone to take our pants off.

 

A good friend of mine said once: “If a man isn’t thinking about pussy all the time he’s just not paying attention.”  It should be a qoute from a golfer he said, no I didn’t look the quote up because it seemed so preposterous, but I did do an informal survey once when I was still sailing but these guys are all a bit special at least that is what i think. All the men agreed that they thought about it all the time. So I am not only a horndog I am also an intellectual and I would further like to explain:

 

“It’s contextual. We think about a thousand things a day, but pussy is always in the mix. Say we’re thinking about the curve of something, even something mathematical. Well, that leads us back to a woman’s curves. It’s like the shape of a Ferrari or a beautiful lined ship. Everything is designed that it gives the feeling of arousal.  It all leads back my dear. And that is how men think about sex every eight seconds.” Great designers are just horny bastards.

 

I would never hesitate to stereotype my own sex.  Recently when yet another old boyfriend got in touch with my wife through Facebook, I sighed. “Is this one divorced, too?  Every time a man gets divorced, he contacts you. I know what they want.”

 

Yeh, the One Thing. But the truth is that over the years some old girlfriends have found me on Facebook and none of them have wanted that. They just wanted to reconnect, see how I was. This may be because none of my relationships, except one, have ended badly and even the one that ended badly did not involve knives or guns or stalking. A lot of Facebook friends probably hope that they did things better than you.

 

Still, with the latest contact, I asked a male friend what he thought this newest woman might want. “I don’t know” he said.  “I’ve contacted several old girlfriends and it was never for that. But then I am sort of a weird man.”

 

You can tell he was a big help.

 

Turns out I was a very fond memory. Which was nice. 

 

My wife and I got The Thing out of the way pretty quickly and I am still married to herckly. Women are way more in control than we like to admit. Men know that. 

The Old Sailor,

How to understand a womans way of thinking.

Dear Bloggers,


I will be probably in every female readers mind as sexist male, but that was not the idea when i started writing this and I did a fair amount of research before I would burn my fingers on this subject. I have tried to write it in the way that I think how womens minds are working. I came up with this after watching the movie "What women want." were he can hear what women think and he can give them the right answers. (wooh.................Spooky.) The movie is with a real die hard in the world of actionmovies Mel Gibson and starts of like we all know him as the ultimate alpha male (that is the same guy from Mad Max and Braveheart a few of my kind of movies.) but after a nasty fall with a hairdryer into the bathtub it really becomes scarey.

Let me start this part of this blog with a brief explanation of how women's hormones affect their sex drive. When the hormones start fluctuating up and down inside a woman's body it's not just some chemical change that goes unnoticed. It affects the way she thinks, the way she feels mentally as well as the way she feels physically. If a woman's hormones are out of whack she may feel like killing her husband for looking at her funny.

Let's talk about the effect children have on a woman's level of desire. Children are a joy to have and there are very few moms who hate being one, most are enthralled with the idea even before conception. Once kids arrive on the scene however, a woman's priorities change. Meeting you at the front door naked with the exception of pearls becomes secondary to making sure the kids are breathing properly at night. In other words while you might still be the hunka hunka hot love master in her life you are not who she thinks of first thing in the morning anymore. I completely understand how you as men might feel a little hurt by that but let me be perfectly honest here; we all know that when the household 16 month old is standing up in the crib banging on the side of it with a toy and has a poopy diaper drooping to his knees it's not going to be you that runs off to clean it up. It will be in most cases your wife that will concern herself with diaper rash and stinky bottoms, and if she doesn't think of these things first thing in the morning, who will? It does get better though, the kids do get older and more self reliant and eventually they won't need you at night time anymore.

So, now, if your wife isn't experiencing menopause, hormones are fine, the kids are older and you still aren't getting any then this part is most likely for you. Stop acting like Harry the caveman and remind her that you at one time had some manners.

Be nice. That's right I said it, be nice. Don't bother using the excuse, "well she's not nice to me." If you had to put up with the things I described in this article would you feel like being nice? Instead of coming home from work and dropping all your belongings by the door and hitting the beer take a few moments to pull her aside, away from the kids and just say hello. That ten second hello can change the rest of your wife's day, who knows you might just get lucky. It's hard to be nice to someone when you feel like you've been taken advantage of and that's what a lot of women feel like.

How to Get Some

Now that you understand why you haven't been having as much sex as you like, let me tell you how you can get it. There will be challenges along the way and your timing might be off but with a lot of practice you will eventually hit the target and get laid.

Do not assume your wife is thinking about sex while she's lounging in the tub. Chances are she's hoping that you aren't thinking about sex and that she's being treated to a wonderful night of kid free sleep. This is where you have to get crafty and be extremely sensitive to her moods. Tune in you big harry caveman and watch how she reacts to what you do. If at any time she sighs heavily, (and I do not mean while in throws of passion) acts as though she's tired or avoids intimacy at all, back off. You're pushing too fast and irritating her.

While she's lounging in that tub get yourself ready. Light the candles and put on some music you both enjoy. Turn down the bed and place the massaging lotion nearby. Spray the sheets with your cologne, the sense of smell heightens a woman's sex drive and that's what you're aiming for. Now grab a towel as soon as you hear the water draining from the tub and go in there and help her dry off. You're going to have to pay attention at the door and listen for the water because a lot of hotel rooms are soundproof and you may not hear it over the music. When you do step into the bathroom don't just lunge at her like you have never seen her naked before. Move in slowly and gently dry her off with the towel taking the time to plant loving kisses against her skin as you go. If she says stop, then stop and try another slower more gentle approach. If you're doing this right you'll know because she won't stop you and you'll be able to pick up on subtle clues that she's getting in the mood. You should notice her breathing getting a little shallower and depending on the location of the kisses her pulse may pick up. You can tell if her pulse picks up by kissing softly on the inside of her wrist. Notice how crafty that is? This, men, is how you learn to listen to your wife's body.

Once your wife is nice and dry treat her to champagne and brush out her hair. Don't roll your eyes at me either, women love it. It's pampering and all women love to be pampered. Why do you think we enjoy salons and spas the way we do? It's not just because we love to spend your money, although a lot of us do. At this stage of the game you should either be on the bed or a sofa depending on the hotel room you reserved. If you are on the sofa and are nowhere near the bed explore the possibilities of just making out. Making out is a great way to get things going because your wife will then understand that although she's being treated to a night out sex is expected if she's willing to go that far. It's also a way to break the monotony and do something in a strange place which can be a huge turn on. This tactic also gives you a slight advantage. If you are paying attention to what your wife's body is doing during this make out session then you'll know whether or not you're going to have sex before you even hit the bed.

At some point tear yourself away from your wife, or not, and move things to the bed. Remember the massaging lotion I told you to put near the bed? Now's the time big boy; break that baby out. Use it and I don't mean sparingly. Use the whole darn bottle if you want to but make it long, slow and luxurious. Use your body to massage her body, get creative and have fun. Rub her toes just as much as you would rub any other part of her body. Pay special attention to every part of her that you touch.

Don't forget to laugh. Some of the best foreplay is silly pillow talk. Try to remember what it was like before the kids and the mortgage. Bring back that sense of lightness to your relationship with laughter; it's sexy. Sex is supposed to be fun so stop taking yourself so seriously and just goof around like kids again. You should be getting some about now so put this article away and savor your wife.

It doesn't matter what stage you are at in life, no couple should have to endure a sexless marriage. There are things you can do whether it be a medical solution or a personal one, the key is to take the journey together and cherish the moments you do have together because the best thing you can do for your relationship is to keep the spark alive. That and get rid of Harry the caveman.

The Old Sailor,