What is the time to find inner peace

Dear Bloggers,

In my life I had to deal with a lot of ups and downs in all different ways either mental or physically. In a lot of cases I managed myself in others i have been seeking for help by professional caregivers. And in a way I can say that I have found the inner peace in myself. I compare myself to an old and wise man who still learns every day from the mistakes that he makes.

The path to inner peace is not very simple or short. You cannot just wake up one day and decide you are going to have inner peace from that point forward. It is a slow process, a journey that needs to be appreciated every step of the way. You need to be willing to let go and accept your full spectrum of emotions. Might be difficult for some proud men and women.

You need to be ready to step outside the box you have allowed yourself to be put into and start from scratch, getting to know yourself all over again and be willing to make a lot of mistakes. And most importantly, you have to realize that only you have control over your emotional responses and reactions and they can be changed for the better.

No one article or even one book is going to give you the answers to achieving inner peace. What they can do is assist you in initiating change within yourself by bringing light to something you were not previously aware of.Once you become aware of ways you can improve how you live your life, you can begin true transformations. These transformations are evolutions of the mind, spirit and soul. Once you really change your ways to be in alignment with your true self, you will never go back, just like a tadpole to a frog or a caterpillar to a butterfly.

Often, people live within a false sense of inner peace. The saying “A ship is safe in harbor, but that’s not what a ship is for!” is an example of this. If you live your life in “the harbor” and never go out of your comfort zones, then you will be misleading yourself into believing you have harmony within. You need to be willing to experience a full range of emotions and face some challenges on the path to getting to know yourself through others and your experiences.

Offloading Your Emotional Baggage

Everyone has a certain amount of emotional baggage they carry with them everywhere. The idea of finding inner peace is to offload this baggage so you can feel light, healthy, vibrant, free and maybe one day even enlightened. What is emotional baggage? It comes in many forms and some examples could be shame for past deeds, judgments towards others, being victimized, being abused, guilt for past mistakes, distorted beliefs about yourself and others, insecurities and body image problems. Every person is unique in their genetics and socialization. Add to that unique experiences through life and we get complex individuals who bounce of each other every which way they turn, sometimes positive, sometimes negative.

The secret to clearing your issues is to take your ship out of the harbor and interact with others. This is a vital part of learning about yourself. If you have ever heard one important thing to remember in your life on this earth, remember this: Anything you see in others, you have in yourself also and any judgment you make towards another, is really about you. This applies to both “good” and “bad” things you recognize.

An example of what this means is if you react in anger towards someone who is crying, having no compassion for their situation, it could be you are angry with yourself when you get sad, seeing it as week and don’t ever allow yourself to cry. When you refuse to accept something in yourself, you also will not accept it in others.

Another example, a teenager comes home from school and tells her mother a crude joke she heard about drinking addiction. The mother immediately goes into a rage and yells at her to go to her room and that she is grounded. Mum stands there shaking, and angry that her buttons have been pressed. She had a brother who was a alcoholic and they had never told her children about him. She never spoke about him and never dealt with the issues around the subject. When she reacted to her daughter that way, it was all her own anger and issues about the situation and nothing to do with her daughter. Actually she was facing herself in a mirror.

We need to start looking at the way we react to people and to situations. We need to work on smoothing these “buttons” we all have everywhere, because you can’t find inner peace if you are constantly judging yourself and others. This is process of learning and being willing to admit to yourself and others when you are wrong. This is a cure way to learn a lot about yourself very quickly!

Once you open your self to the truth there will be no going back. The idea is simple, if you don’t have the emotion, thought, trait, personality in you that you are seeing in others, you would not recognize it in someone else. We see someone make a face and because we make that face when we eat something sour, we presume they are also experiencing the feeling of eating something sour. This is not the case, this judgment projects from our mind like a movie of our own experiences played on cue for any situation, and we aren’t even aware we’re doing it. Use your interactions to better yourself and grow in your compassion for others through realizing your own faults and problems.

There is more good news you can also own your admiration's. This means all the things you admire or maybe are even jealous of in others, you have in yourself also. Maybe you have always admired the guy next door for his ease on the basketball court, yet he practices every day and disciplines himself. You know deep down if you did that too, you could be just as good. You can choose to realize this is where your jealousy comes from, and use it to change yourself through your new self awareness or sit around in bitterness and jealousy, denying your own undeveloped talents. 

Another example is women who make comments about other women’s clothes. Often they are really the most insecure ones of all. Instead of feeling in competition, they need to deal with their own issues as to why they feel a person’s clothes have anything to do with the person themselves. Do they think their clothes make them a better person, and if so, why? 
 
Letting Go of Control

You will have to let go of control to find inner peace. This is control you have over any one in your life and control over life itself. One thing you can’t do if you want peace, is give anyone else power over your feelings. When you try to control someone, ultimately they are controlling you. If you feel you need to monitor someone’s every move, or have them be with you all the time, you are really restricting yourself to the same. You have to develop trust and let go of fear.

If you feel scared, accept it for what it is, a harmless yet uncomfortable emotion. No big deal and when you’ve overcome it a few times, it becomes easy. Never say “You make me feel so angry/sad/frustrated!” because you are choosing to feel those things and what someone else does with their life should not impact on you. It is about developing emotional intelligence and allowing people to live their life without being responsible for your reactions.

Trust those who say they love you and trust every interaction you have. Don’t be trying to read into things, there’s no point. What other people think is none of your business and you will never be guaranteed to work it out, so just let it go. This won’t happen in a day, but keep working on yourself. Any time you catch yourself wondering what someone says or thinks about you when you’re not around, just make a point to change your mind to something else. If you keep doing it, you will re-train your mind, and before you know it, you will be free from the opinions of others.

Fear for some reason has been applied to so many situations in our time. Fear is actually an adrenalin response to a situation we instinctively feel the need to flee from. Anxiety, stress or worry are not fear. You may be worried about going out in crowds, you may be anxious about the promotion interview and you may feel stressed about going by yourself, but you aren’t afraid. Acknowledge these emotions when they arise, let them know they are justified, then continue with your plans.

Rest assured that the more times you continue, regardless of the feelings, they will soon fade away. An example is a lady who hasn’t dated for five years and someone she knows and trusts has set her up on a blind date. Initially she is very excited and as the time draws near, she begins to tell herself she is too afraid and can not go through with it. She ends up phoning her friend for the mans number, lying to her friends, then calling the man to tell him she has become suddenly ill and can't go. If she just said to herself “yes this is difficult and I am nervous, but I can do it anyway and anyone would be nervous in this situation, it’s just human.” What is the worst that can happen? Maybe she will sound or look nervous, but that’s not bad and no where near as rude as canceling at the last minute.

We Can Only Change Ourselves

Why would anyone want to bother with all this inner peace stuff? To end the cycle of ups and downs, emotions popping up when you don’t want them too, interactions with others become diplomatic and helpful and you will be able to experience an inner calm and confidence that words can not describe. You will no longer have petty conversations that are full of gossip and bragging, but will begin to talk about ideas and events that are interesting and positive. What you put out, you really get back in life. So if you think and feel negatively towards others, you will think and feel negative about yourself as well.

The time old saying “Mind your own business” is based in wisdom. We can only change ourselves and it is not for us to judge the way anyone else lives their lives. As we have already discussed, any judgment we make is actually really related to ourselves anyway. Don’t waste precious time or energy on what others are doing with their lives, and learn not to take anything personally.

Whenever someone makes a decision as to how they spend their own time or energy, it is their decision to make, so don’t go sticking your nose in where it isn’t wanted and don’t think it is all about you. There is no way you can know the repercussions of your advice of judgments towards others, so keep your lips sealed even when the urge seems overwhelming to give your opinion. It is not your place, and unless you have been overcome with some phenomenal amount of wisdom and perfectionism straight from the heavens, you don’t have the answers and shouldn’t act like you do.

Meditation and Inner Peace

Meditation is very important part of finding inner peace. Mediation is not only relaxation, it is a way of living. When you meditate as a form of relaxation, you access areas of your mind which are normally hidden behind everyday thoughts and memories. You are able to clear away all the narrow-minded thoughts and get to your deeper subconscious mind to deal with what arises. This can help to fast track your road to inner peace, as it relaxes and vitalizes you physically, emotionally and mentally and reconnects you spiritually.
You can also meditate in your every day life. 

There is an art to being able to live in the moment and there is an old Buddhist saying that you may have heard. It goes “Before enlightenment, carry water, chop wood - after enlightenment, carry water, chop wood”. The difference is the state of mind and inner peace. Before enlightenment, you would do every day tasks with your mind racing through thoughts and memories. You would be thinking about yesterday and tomorrow and be unaware of the beauty of the moment. You could even be annoyed that you have to do the task at hand. 

After enlightenment, you would be in the moment, your mind free and peaceful as you are in a consistent state of satisfaction, regardless of where you are and what you are doing. In this way, if you first begin to become aware of the thoughts you have while trying to be in the moment, you will be able to release or confront each issue and continue to work towards a clear mind and relaxed body. The goal is to be totally involved in the task at hand without prejudice.

 

Self Acceptance

Consider taking the time to write a list of the things you fear most in life. Then seriously consider ways you can work towards confronting and overcoming those fears. You should add to your list as you become more self aware, because you will have more realizations as to who you are and what you can work on overcoming. Some examples might be if you are scared of certain emotions in others, you can not accept compliments, you can’t give compliments, you are uncomfortable with affection, spending time alone, climbing ladders, cats, dogs, etc., etc.

When writing the list, look deeply at your reactions to situations and remember fear isn’t just felt as fear and is often disguised as anger. A perfect example is the mother who can’t find her child for a few minutes. A dread comes over her and when she does find him or her, she reacts in an angry way and yells at him or her for walking away. Its an over reaction and is not a true expression of her emotions. The fear remains suppressed and unacknowledged, so will only be amplified next time a similar situation arises.

You have to be willing to be honest with yourself and others. If you can’t be honest, you will be unable to find synchronicity in your life. 

Life is a journey.........Some enjoy it, others don't.


The Old Sailor,

what if you get out of your comfort zone

Dear Bloggers,

You probably all had it once that you were pushed out of your comfort zone. And hopefully it got start thinking about the ones who do that and especially why are they doing that. My reaction is that they try to get rid of their own bad feelings by pushing someone else over. I am one of those people that has been pushed to all the edges of life and yes I learned a lot out of these experiences. You've seen in your life some inspirational quotes that encourage you to get out and do something strange. Something you wouldn't normally do, like for example bungee jumping or parachuting but getting out of your routine just takes so much work. There's actually a lot of science that explains why it's so hard to break out of your comfort zone and why it's good for you when you do it. With a little understanding and a few adjustments, you can break away from your routine and do great things.

It's important to push the boundaries of your comfort zone, and when you do, it's kind of a big deal. But what is the "comfort zone" exactly? Why is it that we tend to get comfortable with the familiar and our routines, but when we're introduced to new and interesting things, the glimmer fades so quickly? Finally, what benefit do we derive from breaking out of our comfort zone, and how do we do it? Answering all those questions is a tall order, but it's not too hard to do. Let me get started.

Simply, your comfort zone is a behavioral space where your activities and behaviors fit a routine and pattern that minimizes stress and risk. Yes it's that simple. It provides a state of mental security. You benefit in obvious ways: regular happiness, low anxiety, and reduced stress.

The idea of the comfort zone goes back to a classic experiment in psychology. Back in 1908, psychologists Robert M. Yerkes and John D. Dodson they explained that a state of relative comfort created a steady level of performance. In order to maximize performance, however, we need a state of relative anxiety, a space where our stress levels are slightly higher than normal. This space is called "Optimal Anxiety," and it's just outside our comfort zone. Too much anxiety and we're too stressed to be productive, and our performance drops off sharply.

The idea of optimal anxiety isn't anything new. Anyone who's ever pushed themselves to get to the next level or accomplish something knows that when you really challenge yourself, you can turn up amazing results. However, pushing too hard can actually cause a negative result, and reinforce the idea that challenging yourself is a bad idea. It's our natural tendency to return to an anxiety neutral, comfortable state. You can understand why it's so hard to kick your brain out of your comfort zone.

Even so, your comfort zone is neither a good or bad thing. It's a natural state that most people trend towards. Leaving it means increased risk and anxiety, which can have positive and negative results (which we'll get to in a moment). We all need that head-space where we're least anxious and stressed so we can process the benefits we get when we leave it. Question is what will you get when you break free and try out new things?

Optimal anxiety is that place where your mental productivity and performance reach their peak. Still, "increased performance" and "enhanced productivity" just sound like "doing more stuff." What do you really get when you're willing to step outside of your comfort zone?

You'll be more productive as comfort kills productivity because without the sense of unease that comes from having deadlines and expectations, we tend to relax and do the minimum required to get by. We lose the drive and ambition to do more and learn new things. We also fall into the so called “work trap” where we feign "being busy" as a way to stay in our comfort zones and avoid doing new things. Pushing your personal boundaries can help you hit your stride sooner, get more done, and find smarter ways to work. Using the brain is not painful.

You'll have an easier time dealing with new and unexpected changes. Let me explain to you that one of the worst things we can do is pretending fear and uncertainty as they don't really exist. By taking risks in a controlled fashion and challenging yourself to things you normally wouldn't do, you can experience some of that uncertainty in a controlled, manageable environment. Learning to live outside your comfort zone when you choose to can prep you for life changes that force you out of it. It sounds so easy but still you are the one that needs to take these steps.

You'll find it easier to push your boundaries in the future. Once you start stepping out of your comfort zone, it gets easier over time. As you step out of your comfort zone, you'll become accustomed to that state of optimal anxiety. "Productive discomfort," as they call it, becomes more normal to you, and you're willing to push further before your performance falls off. You'll see that if you challenge yourself, your comfort zone adjusts so what was difficult and anxiety-inducing becomes easier when you repeat it.

You'll find it easier to brainstorm and harness your creativity. This is a soft benefit, but it's fairly common knowledge (and it's easily reproducible) that seeking new experiences, learning new skills, and opening the door to new ideas inspire us and educate us in a way that little else does. Trying new things can make us reflect on our old ideas and where they clash with our new knowledge, and inspire us to learn more and challenge our tendency to only seek out information we already agree with. Even in the short term, a positively uncomfortable experience can help us brainstorm, see old problems in a new light, and tackle the challenges we face with new energy.
The benefits you get after stepping outside of your comfort zone can linger. There's the overall self-improvement you get through the skills you're learning, the new foods you're trying, the new country you're visiting, and the new job you're interviewing for. There's also the soft mental benefits you get from broadening your horizons.

How to break out of your comfort zone. Outside your comfort zone can be a good place to be, as long as you don't tip the scales too far. It's important to remember there's a difference between the kind of controlled anxiety we're talking about and the very real anxiety that many people struggle with every day. Every one's comfort zone is different, and what may expand your horizons may paralyze someone else.
Here are some ways to break out (and by proxy, expand) your comfort zone without going too far:

Do everyday things differently. Take a different route to work. Try a new restaurant without checking. Whether the change you make is large or small, make a change in the way you do things on a day-to-day basis. Look for the perspective that comes from any change, even if it's negative. Don't be put off if things don't work out the way you planned.

Take your time making decisions. Sometimes slowing down is all it takes to make you uncomfortable, especially if speed and quick thinking are prized in your work or personal life. Slow down, and observe what's going on, take your time to interpret what you see, and then intervene. Sometimes just defending your right to make an educated decision can push you out of your comfort zone. Think first, don't just react.

Trust yourself and make snap decisions. We're contradicting ourselves, but there's a good reason. Just as there are people who thrive on snap decisions, others are more comfortable weighing all of the possible options several times, over and over again. Sometimes making a decision is in order, just to get things moving. Doing so can help you kick start your personal projects and teach you to trust your own judgement. It'll also show you there's fallout to quick decisions as well as slow ones.

Do it in small steps. It takes a lot of courage to break out of your comfort zone. You get the same benefits whether you go in with both feet as you do if you start slow, so don't be afraid to start slow. If you're socially anxious, don't assume you have to muster the courage to ask your crush on a date right away, just say hello to them and see where you can go from there. 
 
There are lots of other ways to stretch your personal boundaries. You could learn a new language or skill and it doesn't have to be expensive or difficult to do. The experiences you have may be mind-blowing or regrettable, but that doesn't matter. The point is that you're doing it, and you're pushing yourself past the mental blocks that tell you to do nothing.

You can't live outside of your comfort zone all the time. You need to come back from time to time to process your experiences. The last thing you want is for the new and interesting to quickly become commonplace and boring. This phenomenon, called hedonistic adaptation, is the natural tendency to be impressed by new things only to have the incredible become ordinary after a short time. It's why we can have access to the greatest repository of human knowledge ever created (the Internet) at our fingertips (on our smart phones) and still get so bored that all we think of is how quickly we can get newer, faster access. In one way it drives us forward, but in another it keeps us from appreciating the subtle and the everyday.

You can fight this by trying new, smaller things. Ordering something new at a restaurant where you get the same thing every visit can be eye-opening the same way visiting a new country can be, and both push you out of your comfortable spaces. Diversify the challenges you embrace so you don't just push your boundaries in the same direction. You still get the challenge, but you broaden your horizons in a different way.

Take it slow, and make stretching your boundaries a habit of its own The point of stepping out of your comfort zone is to embrace new experiences and to get to that state of optimal anxiety in a controlled, managed way, not to stress yourself out. Take time to reflect on your experiences Then do something else interesting and new. Make it a habit if you can. Try something new every week, or every month. Just what suits you. I have committed myself to doing something weird and new every month, just to test my own boundaries.
Similarly, don't limit yourself to big, huge experiences. Maybe meditation pushes you out of your comfort zone just as much as bungee jumping. Try the former if you've already done the latter. The goal isn't to become an adrenaline junkie. You just want to learn what you're really capable of. That's another reason why it's important to return to a comfortable state of mind sometimes and just relax. 

 
Just don't forget to bring back as much as you can carry from those inspired, creative, productive, and slightly uncomfortable moments as it is your luggage in life.


The Old Sailor,

I have no motivation left & there is no luck in life

Dear Bloggers,

I have been wondering for quite awhile now that somehow there is no luck in life at all. But somehow I cannot explain as I met people that have been lucky as they earned enough money too retire. Yes I am a decent and honest above average looking guy with no luck with love and yes I am picky but I dont want to live a lie, I am unlucky in investment and lost a lot of money for a adult with his own property and yes it hurts i tried to set up my future with my wife and kids but I have the feeling that I cannot ever succeed no matter how hard I try.

And yes I have some small health complications partly from all the stress as well and those around expect to much of me, so I distance myself as well and to top it all of I can’t get a decent tolerable job that is giving enough hours and money to pay all the bills. I just get what is left to be filled in at the bus company so there is no line at all in working hours, no rythm at all and that I hate, and on top of it all my friends and collegues who cheat on there girlfriends and do social drugs and when they were single they blew all there money and travelled the world and some are now getting married and have careers and houses. I was like that until 15 years ago. Yes I tried to do the right thing but these things never worked out the last 10 to 15 years somehow our luck ran out

How can I get motivated as I see all this injustices around me and feel I would be succesful if I was a low life yet that is not me cause at the moment I want to give up trying in the sense if I did not have financial commitments I would be on welfare as I am so frustrated all my life has and it is a struggle as I have no bloody luck in anything ?

One of my regular passengers said to me: “I think your seeing it wrong my friend.” Hmmm but why is their no luck for us at all ? I asked and then he answerred: “Don't wait for "luck". Organise your life to get somewhere:

” If your investments fail then you are not making the right choices or it is not your thing. Do something else.”

If you are not "lucky" with girls, then you need to go to the right places were you can meet the the right type of girls but I really would not know were this would be nowadays as all the pubs and discos from my time are either being closed or there are only teenagers to be found. So I would have no idea where the fun is for people from my age. I am still married to my wife and there is no prognoses that this would change but it got me thinking as in my street there are enough divorced man and women living aroudnd me. That is probably why these dating sites are getting more and more popular they discovered how to make a fortune out of the other ones bad luck . When you would go out to try your “luck.” Is it because you forgot how to seduce someone or did you fall on your face too many times and furthermore you need to behave like a gentleman to be a good catch.

Something is pretty clear to me know I am pretty sure that luck is another word for trying hard. “If you are not motivated there will be no luck, so give it your best shot.” You need to be firm about what people should expect from you. But be careful as you can want too much, so my advise is “Do not take on too much.” If you are busy you just tell them you unfortunately do not have time, etc. They will soon get used to it. If you would not take it to a hold you might fully burn out as at the moment they are over-burdoning you it seems. It is your life and your future

Blaming "luck" and life by being unfair sounds very much like a looser. Don't be one. Show that you can take charge of your life. I would say do not only depend on luck it is just something that passes by in your life.

The Old Sailor,