Get your work and life in balance

Dear Bloggers,

What if you lose your job and you find out that you can not keep up with the fast lane anymore and slowly your body tells you to stop. I have been walking on my toes for quite a long time. All of sudden everything was upside down, instead of falling into a depression, I started arguing with myself about how this could happen to me. And I figured out that I was the only one to blame. I had deep conversations with my psychologist and instead of seeing problems, I have been looking for new opportunities as I had plenty of time. Work-life balance: You have to find the way to restore harmony and reduce stress.

If you can figure out what you like and what gives you stress you can start finding a job that will suite you and is not to heavy to do. Also the time that you will put into your job is critical, A half time job is what I will start with. Ok we need to sell our house and buy a bit smaller house but that is no problem, it also means less cleaning, gardening and so on. Living by the lakes will give a better effect on the both of us, at least that is what we are hoping for.

So if your work life and personal life are out of balance, your stress may be running high. Here's how to reclaim control.

Finding work-life balance in today's frenetically paced world is no simple task.

Do you spend more time at work than at home, and you miss out on a rewarding personal life. Then again, when you face challenges in your personal life, such as caring for an aging parent or coping with marital problems, concentrating on your job can be difficult.

Whether the problem is too much focus on work or too little, when your work life and your personal life feel out of balance, stress — along with its harmful effects — is the result.

The good news is that you can take control of your work-life balance — and give yourself the time to do the things that are most important to you. The first step is to recognize how the world of work has changed. Then you can evaluate your relationship to work and apply some specific strategies for striking a healthier balance.

How work invades your personal life

There was a time when employees showed up for work Monday through Friday and worked eight- to nine-hour days. The boundaries between work and home were fairly clear then. But the world has changed and, unfortunately, the boundaries have blurred for many workers. Here's why:

Global economy. As more skilled workers enter the global labor market and companies outsource or move more jobs to reduce labor costs, people feel pressured to work longer and produce more just to protect their jobs.
International business. Work continues around the world 24 hours a day for some people. If you work in an international organization, you might be on call around the clock for troubleshooting or consulting.
Advanced communication technology. Many people now have the ability to work anywhere — from their home, from their car and even on vacation. And some managers expect this.
Longer hours. Employers commonly ask employees to work longer hours than they're scheduled. Often, overtime is mandatory. If you hope to move up the career ladder, you may find yourself regularly working more than 40 hours a week to achieve and exceed expectations.
Changes in family roles. Today's married worker is typically part of a dual-career couple, which makes it difficult to find time to meet commitments to family, friends and community.

Married to your work
It can be tempting to rack up the hours at work — especially if you're trying to earn a promotion or some extra money for a child's education or a dream vacation. For others, working more hours feels necessary in order to manage the workload. But if you're spending most of your time at work, your home life will likely pay the price. Consider the pros and cons of working extra hours on your work-life balance:

Fatigue. Your ability to think and your eye-hand coordination decrease when you're tired. This means you're less productive and may make more mistakes. These mistakes can lead to injury or rework and negatively impact your professional reputation.
Family. You may miss out on important events, such as your child's first bike ride, your father's 60th birthday or your high-school reunion. Missing out on important milestones may harm relationships with your loved ones.
Friends. Trusted friends are a key part of your support system. But if you're spending time at the office instead of with them, you'll find it difficult to nurture those friendships.
Expectations. If you regularly work extra hours, you may be given more responsibility. This could create a never-ending and increasing cycle, causing more concerns and challenges.

Sometimes working overtime is important. If you work for a company that requires mandatory overtime, you won't be able to avoid it, but you can learn to manage it. Most importantly, say no when you're too tired, when it's affecting your health or when you have crucial family obligations.

Striking the best work-life balance
For most people, juggling the demands of career and personal life is an ongoing challenge. With so many demands on your time — from overtime to family obligations — it can feel difficult to strike this balance. The goal is to make time for the activities that are the most important to you.

Here are some ideas to help you find the balance that's best for you:

Keep a log. Track everything you do for one week. Include work-related and non-work-related activities. Decide what's necessary and what satisfies you the most. Cut or delegate activities you don't enjoy and don't have time for. If you don't have the authority to make certain decisions, talk to your supervisor.
Take advantage of your options. Find out if your employer offers flex hours, a compressed workweek, job-sharing or telecommuting for your role. The flexibility may alleviate some of  your stress and free up some time.

Learn to say no. Whether it's a co-worker asking you to spearhead an extra project or your child's teacher asking you to manage the class play, remember that it's OK to respectfully say no. When you quit doing the things you only do out of guilt or a false sense of obligation, you'll make more room in your life for the activities that are meaningful to you and bring you joy.

Leave work at work. With today's global business mentality and the technology to connect to anyone at any time from virtually anywhere, there's no boundary between work and home — unless you create it. Make a conscious decision to separate work time from personal time. When with your family, for instance, turn off your cell phone and put away your laptop computer.

Manage your time. Organize household tasks efficiently. Doing one or two loads of laundry every day, rather than saving it all for your day off. A weekly family calendar of important dates and a daily list of to-dos will help you avoid deadline panic. Rethink your cleaning standards. An unmade bed or sink of dirty dishes won't impact the quality of your life. Do what needs to be done and let the rest go. If you can afford it, pay someone else to clean your house.

Communicate clearly. Limit time-consuming misunderstandings by communicating clearly and listening carefully. Fight the guilt. Remember, having a family and a job is OK — for both men and women.
Nurture yourself. Set aside time each day for an activity that you enjoy, such as walking, working out or listening to music. Unwind after a hectic workday by reading, practicing yoga, or taking a bath or shower.

Set aside one night each week for recreation. Take the phone off the hook, power down the computer and turn off the TV. Discover activities you can do with your partner, family or friends, such as a night to the theatre, go out for a romantic diner. Making time for activities you enjoy will rejuvenate you.

Protect your day off. Try to schedule some of your routines on workdays so that your days off are more relaxing. Get enough sleep. There's nothing as stressful and potentially dangerous as working when you're sleep-deprived. Not only is your productivity affected, but also you can make costly mistakes. You may then have to work even more hours to make up for these mistakes.

Seek professional help. Everyone needs help from time to time. If your life feels too chaotic to manage and you're spinning your wheels worrying about it, talk with a professional, such as your doctor, a psychologist or a counselor.

And if you're experiencing high levels of stress because of marital, financial, chemical dependency or legal problems your partner might not be in the first place the one to talk to. Remember, striking a work-life balance isn't a one-shot deal. Creating balance in your life is a continuous process. Demands on your time change as your family, interests and work life change. Assess your situation every few months to make sure you're keeping on track. Also your mind should keep up with the aging of your body as you will not be eighteen forever.

Balance doesn't mean doing everything. Examine your priorities and set boundaries. Be firm in what you can and cannot do. Only you can restore harmony to your lifestyle.

The Old Sailor,

Careerwomen are not really sexy

Dear Bloggers,


If you are without a job and you are waiting for your kids at school, you automaticly look at the mums that are standing there. And I must say not many of them would in anyway arouse me. But something was hitting me that the women with their own career talk to you differently then the ones with a parttime job or just being a housewife. Don't get me wrong as I am a persons that thinks that we all should be equal, if it comes to kids, salary or whatsoever.

The ones with a full career are fully dressed up, and complain about changes in the school schedule. These women have the big plus that they can buy everything they want, but are they really happy? The ones being more at home are being more social as well. They chitchat with you about daily news and about their kids, they are more relaxed about themselves and their relation. Funny enough they have gained a bit more weight after childbirth and they have never lost those kilo's again. Not very attractive I think but I do not have to sleep with them.

How do women, careers and marriage mix? Not well at least that is what I would say. Most of these careertigers are having marital or other relation problems. The kids being the victims in this fight have been the glue for a couple of years as there was no time for love. After a working day there is the household to do. So they have hardly any time for eachother and that will give large cracks in your marriage and will lead in most of the cases to a divorce. First of all I thought that this was only the issue in my surroundings, but after reading about it I see it is all over the world happening.

Guys: a word of advice. Marry pretty women or ugly ones. Short ones or tall ones. Blondes or brunettes. Just, whatever you do, don't marry a woman with a career.

Why? Because if many social scientists are to be believed, you run a higher risk of having a bumpy and rocky marriage. While everyone knows that marriage can be stressful, recent studies have found professional women are more likely to get divorced, more likely to cheat and less likely to have children. And if they do have kids, they are more likely to be unhappy about it. A recent study in Social Forces, a research journal, found that women--even those with a "feminist" outlook--are happier when their husband is the primary breadwinner.

Not a happy conclusion, especially given that many men, particularly successful men, are attracted to women with similar goals and aspirations. And why not? After all, your typical career girl is well educated, ambitious, informed and engaged. All seemingly good things, right? Sure … at least until you get married. Then, to put it bluntly, the more successful she is, the more likely she is to grow dissatisfied with you. Sound familiar?

If a host of studies are to be believed, marrying these women is asking for trouble. If they quit their jobs and stay home with the kids, they will be unhappy . They will be unhappy if they make more money than you do . You will be unhappy if they make more money than you do. You will be more likely to fall ill . Even your house will be dirtier.

Why? Well, despite the fact that the link between work, women and divorce rates is complex and controversial, much of the reasoning is based on a lot of economic theory and a bit of common sense. In classic economics, a marriage is, at least in part, an exercise in labor specialization. Traditionally, men have tended to do "market" or paid work outside the home, and women have tended to do "nonmarket" or household work, including raising children. All of the work must get done by somebody, and this pairing, regardless of who is in the home and who is outside the home, accomplishes that goal. Nobel laureate Gary S. Becker argued that when the labor specialization in a marriage decreases--if, for example, both spouses have careers--the overall value of the marriage is lower for both partners because less of the total needed work is getting done, making life harder for both partners and divorce more likely. And, indeed, empirical studies have concluded just that.

The other reason a career can hurt a marriage will be obvious to anyone who has seen his or her mate run off with a co-worker: When your spouse works outside the home, chances increase that he or she will meet someone more likable than you. "The work environment provides a host of potential partners," Hmmm..... how strange, "and individuals frequently find themselves spending a great deal of time with these individuals."

There's more: According to a wide-ranging review of the published literature, the highly educated people are more likely to have had extramarital sex. Additionally, individuals who earn more than € 30,000 a year are more likely to cheat.

And if the cheating leads to divorce, you're really in trouble. Divorce has been positively correlated with higher rates of alcoholism, clinical depression and suicide. Other studies have associated divorce with increased rates of cancer, stroke, and sexually transmitted disease. Plus, divorce is financially devastating. According to one recent study on "Marriage and Divorce's Impact on Wealth," published in The Journal of Sociology, divorced people see their overall net worth drop an average of 77%.

So why not just stay single? Because, academically speaking, a solid marriage has a host of benefits beyond just individual "happiness." There are broader social and health implications as well. "What Do We Know About the Benefits of Marriage?," marriage is positively associated with "better outcomes for children under most circumstances" and higher earnings for adult men, and "being married and being in a satisfying marriage are positively associated with health and negatively associated with mortality." In other words, a good marriage is associated with a higher income, a longer, healthier life and better-adjusted kids.

A word of caution, though: It's important not to confuse correlation with causation. In other words, just because married folks are healthier than single people, it doesn't mean that marriage is causing the health gains. It could just be that healthier people are more likely to be married.

I will put on my apron grab my feather-duster, run around the house with the hoover and do the dishes and think it's not so bad the life that we are living. If I might get bored (I don't think so) I could bake a cake, yeah right! For me it is about time that I get a daytime job again as I am slowly sliding off, I might start to like it as I see my kids every day. I apply to every suitable job but who wants to hire a greyhaired over forty and a dissability to do a fultime job.

The Old Sailor,

Earth Hour is done for this year

Dear Bloggers,


I am not an environment guru but I think that we can make a difference by switching off the lights, at least to get the idea that we are using a lot of energy.

we are trying to reduce our carbon footprint and live a more sustainable life and it can often feel like an uphill battle with no end in site. For every bottle and can that's recycled, there are ten more thrown in the landfill, and it can be quite frustrating to make the effort without seeing much change.

If you've ever wished you could make a statement about climate change that would make the world sit up and take notice, all you've got to do is turn off the lights.

On Saturday, March 27th at 8.30pm (local time) Earth Hour 2010 will begin, and homes and businesses around the world will extinguish their lights for one hour to create awareness about climate change and demonstrate the powerful affect of a single decision.

Critics of Earth Hour have pointed out that even with millions of people participating, the energy and emissions saved during these 60 minutes isn't going to save the world. In fact, some have gone so far as to accuse the environmental movement of wanting to "throw humanity back into the dark ages," and have proposed their own Human Achievement Hour, encouraging people to turn on every possible light and appliance on during this time.

So if you're asking yourself "what's the point?" here are three reasons to consider spending an hour in the dark.

1. Just because an act is symbolic doesn't mean it's pointless

Again and again people have said that the only way to truly knock out greenhouse gasses and slow climate change is to create an international regime that puts a cap and a price on climate pollution. This possibility, sadly, is in the hands of the world's politicians and diplomats who have been reluctant to take a stand. So, if turning off the lights for an hour starts to show the world that we're serious about fixing this problem.

2. Tons of carbon dioxide emissions will be eliminated

No, even millions of people turning off their lights for just one hour won't bring global warming to a screeching halt, but it will prevent hundreds of tons of carbon emissions from entering the atmosphere. Hopefully, this significant act will make people think more seriously about the magnitude of the world's energy usage, and they'll find it easier to turn off the lights day after day, which will make a big difference.

3. Learn to appreciate (and conserve) what you have

Contrary to what some would say, the purpose of Earth Hour is not to convince people to give up electricity and stumble about in the dark and cold. Environmentalists don't hate technology, we just think it should be used to help reduce our negative impact on the planet instead of charging full steam ahead until there's nothing left. Turning off the lights, air conditioner, computer, and television for an hour is likely to make you much more appreciative of these luxuries than if you simply left them on for another night. Once again, this small sixty-minute observance is a chance to change your thinking about the energy that's available to you, and make a conscious effort not to spill it.

I hope that it will give some people some positive ideas about the world that we live in.
I will join again next year, to make also my kids aware of our planet and that we can really do something.

The Old Sailor,

Video, foto's en toolkit - Earth Hour 2010 - Campagnes Wereld Natuur Fonds - Wat WNF doet - WNF.nl

Video, foto's en toolkit - Earth Hour 2010 - Campagnes Wereld Natuur Fonds - Wat WNF doet - WNF.nl

Hooray it's Spring

Dear Bloggers,


After a long winter with a lot of snow and ice, people are longing for spring weather. When I am waiting in front of the school to pick up my kids, you hear the others whining about the cold weather that we had for weeks. You can read it on everybodies face when the temperatures are rising and we do not need to wear hats and gloves aymore. Ok it is not warm enough to take off the warm winterjacket. When the sun is coming out you see the first ones working in their garden and washing their windows.

Spring is in the air
This week it became finally warmer weather. Finally we could enjoy the rays of the Sun Just look around you, the coming days. Everywhere the hormones start to work again. It is also called Spring Fever. Nature is getting busy. The crows build their nests in the tallest trees. You see the sheep having already the first lambs. The crocuses find their way to the light and the duck is sitting already on her eggs. The planning in the economy is also already made again. The leaflets with the bargains are coming in the mail again. And what will you do the next few days?

Some are going to the campsite to their mobile home to get things back in order. The boat is out of the garage and the motorbike is being polished up again. What comes back is an energy release in humans. And it will become be even warmer, as expected from the weatherforecast. Do you notice it yourself, even it is only a little bit?

In this period of year I drift of in my memories: Years back when I still lived with my parents. It seems so long ago, but it is not that long ago. What did my mother do and what we do not nowadays. And if you think about it is already very long ago, or I am getting quickly older.

What a difference
There was also much more reason that the spring cleaning had to be done. There was a coal stove or coal fire. And that gave a lot of dust. Every morning the ashdrawer had to be emptied. In wintertime you threw the ashes on your doorstep. And of course the covers of the beds. A quilt was not yet born. And the mattress with the springs. The spiral springs were of iron. Everything was brougth outside to let it the air and the dust was beaten out. Even the carpet beater was used for all rugs. The blankets and matresses were beaten by two people. We also did the books from the bookshelf. And all of us needed to help with it. We walked with a stack of books, outside and beat it. For my mother it was nice to have a big family as these extra hands could help.

Other times
Fortunately we live in a different time. The vacuum cleaner became a lot better and I slightly lower the teperature of te central heating. Hot water I get from the tap for things to clean. And in the meantime the washingmachine cleaned my laundry and I only have to put it into the dryer. And if have washed the windows, the next load of washing can go on the dryingline. So in this present time we have some more time to enjoy the sun and all the other beautiful things that nature brings. The thought alone, and springitches are born.

The summer should not start too quickly, otherwise we could not enjoy the pretty part of nature.

The Old Sailor,

Happy Birthday Old Sailor

Dear Bloggers,


It is that time of the year again, soon there is my birthday to celebrate and year 42 is there (that is 15.340 days).
Like every year the discussion starts what should we get you this year.
And funny enough the answer is already there, like always.

This year I get a bunch of flowers as the real thing comes later. But when it comes to surviving middle age, sometimes a man has to lose his bearings to find his way

Ever since Erik Erikson coined the term "midlife crisis" more than 30 years ago, male melancholy around halftime has been poked and prodded. The skeptics believe that the 40s funk is just a self-fulfilling prophecy for self-indulgent guys.
And given all the therapeutic silliness that gets sold as midlife fixes, it's tempting to treat the male willies as a psycho-bunch. Bad idea. Male midlife crisis is a time-honored trough, described by Dante and Shakespeare.

"There are multiple paths through midlife crisis,"at least that is what the experts say. Each man's journey is unique, shaped by his history and his hopes, his relationships, his blood pressure, and the angle of his dangle.
To be sure, the intensity of the midlife passage varies greatly. For some men, it's a dark ordeal that includes depression and is best navigated with a doctor's help. For most, it's a less perilous, but still demanding, midcourse correction. But whether the midlife transit is traumatic or just tricky, self-medication with bourbon is a bad plan, and nobody is served by pretending we're too tough to have troubles.

Our goal is to come through middle life as better men. Sure, we'll be a tick less quick off the dribble, and yes, we'll need to rely on others once in a while. But we'll also be wiser, calmer, stronger of spirit, and even more attractive to women of all ages. There are no perfect routes to your best older self. But we asked experts and some men we admire for guiding thoughts will ease the transit.

The midlife stew often starts with some garden-variety boredom. If you've been hoeing the same row for 20 years, only an idiot wouldn't wonder if there aren't some more interesting rows somewhere else. On top of it, we often get our first bolt of serious bad news: the death of a parent, trouble in a marriage, a career setback.

Often, come our 40s, some undeniable facts start eroding the dubious pillars on which we've built our notion of a man.
Remember Tolstoy's wisdom that "all happy families resemble one another, but each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."
"The sadness of growing old is part of becoming an individual," and "The spirit finds an opening in the brokenness."

Express yourself, with anger. Nobody is suggesting that every hostile thought should get fired across the port bow. We've got to live together. But part of becoming a fully grown man is saying what's on your mind, respectfully, without rancor, straight up, no ice. But when the mortgage payment isn't at risk, it might help to be ever-so-slightly less eager to please. Speak your piece. Conflict is rarely catastrophic; it's just the sound of life happening.

Nope, sorry, this is not permission to act on those frisky feelings about Fiona from finance; just a reminder that the routinization of life saps our energy. Seek new tastes. Try new foods. Try reading a book, maybe two, maybe even one written by a woman. Or better yet, by a Latina woman. Get respectful of legends in areas other than war, and money. You're bored because you haven't learned anything new since the day you graduated from school.

Take up a new sport. Any new skill or competence -- cooking, gardening, carpentry, car care, golf, guitar, or origami -- makes the spirit more receptive. Get outside. Walk in the woods or even down your street at dusk or dawn. There is consolation in nature, inspiration in angles of light.

The Ferrari won't help. Nor will that teinted driver. There's no talismanic cure. "We deny our own sense of failure," says Levinson, "by using narcissistic pleasures as a device for reassurance." The only answer, wrote Jung, is to turn directly toward the approaching darkness and "find out what it wants from you."

The Old Sailor,

A Schocking Story

Dear Bloggers,

This week I write about fibromyalgia again.And as usual Iam reading on the internet about it.

When I am ending up on one of the forums of Rheumapatients, I am reading too many stories that can bring you down. Also here I find some jolly people, but most of them are quite negativ. When I open one of the subjects, I hardly can believe what I am reading.

It is about a young lady that is not been taken serious by the medical staff. Who are working for the medical unemployment services. She had been sent home with the diagnoses “There is nothing wrong with you, fibromyalgia is not recognized as a sicknes”. It is just something that you have, so learn to live with it. I see it many times that these doctors are not taking it serious.

Also the employers are not wanting to pay for a sickness that is not acknowledged in our country. Unfortunenetly she felt being left out and had the feeling that nobody wanted to understand her pain. Not even her own doctor was believing that fibromyalgia is real, and actually let her down.

Her pain became in many ways unbearable. When she was home on sick leave last week, she took her own live. Her family is totally devastated but they are greatful and thankful to the writers on the forum. Here she found people that understood most of her promlems and were giving some plain advices out of there own experience.

She stepped out of this life without any pre warning on the age of twenty-six. For a while I have been speechless anf tears were burning. How hard can it be for a doctor to acknowledge this crazy sickness. There should be more known about it especially by medical staff.

What a shame that absolutely nobody saw this coming and hardly anybody was understanding her. This has been hell on earth for her, now it is that for her parents and everybody else that loved her. I wish them a lot of strength in this bitter loss and to get through this darkest hour of their life.
Here you see that life is brutal and I will need some medication to calm myself down.

The Old Sailor,