Ending my sweet life the second part

Dear Bloggers,

I was asked a couple of times by fellow blog writers to make a part two on my sweet life is ending. It took me a while to produce a sequel on this story. I am now pretty experienced if it comes to my own case.. In the beginning it scared the hell out of me. And yes I probably will not get very old but that doesn’t bather me. I have it pretty much under control and my life is full of imperfections but I am not much of a cry baby and sit in a corner whining. I have a future to live for and I hope one day to play with my grandchildren. Both my my wife and me have health issues and climbing stairs is getting us into trouble. We decided to put our family home on the market and look for something with everything on ground level. My next move after this one will be in a wooden coffin. Let us hope that we have a couple of great years left with the kids at home and if they fly out that they come and see us frequently with their kids.

Hard reality

Once you know the facts, it is hard not to care about diabetes. In the Netherlands alone, 1 million people have diabetes. Approximately 71000 Dutch are diagnosed each year, and a third of all the people with diabetes are unaware they have it. WHO (World Health Organization) has declared that there is an epidemic of diabetes. Worldwide, there are 200 million diabetes patients, not including those who still do not know that they have it. In the next decade, the projected number of known diabetics is expected to reach over 250 million. Because of the small amount of attention that has been paid to the disease despite these alarming numbers, the rise in diabetes has often been called the “Silent Epidemic”. A possible cause for this epidemic has been attributed to changes in modern lifestyle:

• The type of food consumed contains higher numbers of calories and purified sugars;
• The typical meal size has increased; • People are not exercising adequately;
• Higher stress levels, and;
 • An increase in the elderly population.

What exactly is diabetes? There are several definitions of diabetes, but the most commonly agreed upon definition is that diabetes is a condition when a person's ability to metabolize carbohydrates (sugar) is impaired. Basically, blood sugar does not get burned inside the muscles and tissues, but rather stays in the blood. This results in high blood sugar levels. A person with a sugar level above 150 ml/dl in the blood in the morning is diagnosed as ‘diabetic'. Insulin allows the body to convert sugar in the blood into energy. It is secreted by ß (beta) cells in the pancreas. So, in a diabetic, either no insulin or inadequate levels of insulin are being produced. Furthermore, even if insulin is produced in a diabetic, it is highly unlikely that it will be properly utilized.

How can having high blood glucose affect me?
Diabetes is much more than just a relative lack of insulin. In one sense, it is a disease that affects the blood vessels, or capillaries. A high concentration of sugar in the blood from relative lack or sensitivity of insulin is still not completely understood. However, it has detrimental effects on the blood vessels and they gradually cease to function properly. Since every organ or tissue in the body depends upon capillary flow to transmit oxygen and glucose and remove waste products, this eventually leads to end-organ damage. Yes in the end we are all going to die.

 Diabetes can make your vision blurred

As every cell is dependant to a large degree on glucose for its fuel, any impairment in its supply or being able to properly metabolize that glucose will lead to impairment in the function of those cells and organs. Consequently, the tissues that have the highest demand for proper blood flow and utilization are most susceptible to the damage of impaired flow or metabolism, e.g., the kidneys, heart, nerves, retina. A lack of blood flow and oxygen to the tissues can also result in many infections, and often the only treatment left is amputation. A high concentration of sugar can also cause increased fatigue and weight gain. It does not kill instantly, but causes long-term, permanent damage over many years with lethal complications. That is why we often take a lax attitude: slow and gradual but certain and fatal.

What related complications can result from diabetes?
Diabetes is not only the leading cause of kidney failure, but it is also the leading cause of blindness, particularly among patients between the ages of 25 and 70. It also increases the chance of having and dying from cardiovascular disease and stroke. The probability of dying from stroke and cardiovascular disease is increased by 400% in people with diabetes, and 2 out of 3 people with diabetes die from heart disease and stroke. Diabetes also damages the nervous system. Approximately 60%-70% of diabetics have some form of nervous system damage. This is especially a concern for diabetic males because they usually have trouble functioning sexually. Erections involve blood flow and nerves.

Because diabetes causes nerve damage and affects blood flow, many males struggle with sexual dysfunction. The first question doctors ask when a patient complains of erectile dysfunction is, “Do you have diabetes?” According to statistics, more than half of sexual dysfunctions among males come from diabetes. In addition, diabetes is a major risk factor for heart attacks and amputations. Sixty percent of amputations occur among people with diabetes. This means that each year, 82,000 amputations are performed on people with diabetes.

Long John Silver did not loose a leg to diabetes

What is the relationship between diabetes and obesity?
Diabetes basically involves an inherent metabolism problem. Because of the inability to absorb and process blood sugar in the muscles, the muscles are constantly experiencing malnutrition. Insulin that has been produced may not be efficiently used. Coupled with lack of exercise, excess glucose eventually becomes fat. We also know that this abnormal blood sugar metabolism affects appetite. All of these lead to weight problems. Between 70%-80% of people with obesity have diabetes. Likewise, 70%-80% of diabetics have difficulty controlling their weight.

I don’t have diabetes, why should I be concerned?
Diabetes is the “silent killer”. Often people who have diabetes do not know it because they cannot feel it. People must take a direct measurement of their blood glucose levels to know if they have diabetes. Even more alarming, when a person is diagnosed with diabetes, the actual development of the disease actually started on the average of seven years prior. Once the active symptoms and complications are observed, diabetes has already entered the later stages. Early detection is good, but prevention is even better. A yearly blood test is essential, even if you feel healthy.

What is Pre-Diabetes?

Pre-diabetes is when a person has a higher than normal blood glucose levels (hyperglycemic) but the level is not high enough to be diagnosed as diabetic or they are unable to secrete enough extra insulin in response to a glucose challenge. This is a cause for concern, especially when 700000 people in the Netherlands have “Pre-diabetes”. At this point, long term damage to the body is already occurring and often leads to Type II diabetes. If the blood glucose is controlled at an early stage, the development into Type II diabetes can be prevented. Often, diabetes is referred to as the “Silent Killer” due to the unobvious symptoms of diabetes. People who have diabetes or are pre-diabetic initially do not feel pain or feel any symptoms. It is only when the diabetes has reached a serious stage when all the complications, pain and symptoms surface. As previously mentioned, according to statistics, once a person is diagnosed as diabetic, it is likely that the onset of the diabetes actually started seven years ago. On average, every 10 years afterward, there is a rise in blood sugar of 100 milligrams per deciliter. Diabetes is a progressive disease.

Treatment Goals
The main goal for diabetes management is good blood glucose control. Your doctor will recommend a desirable range for you. Keeping your blood glucose as close to your target range as possible will help keep you healthy. Other important health goals for people with diabetes are lowering high blood pressure and decreasing cholesterol and triglyceride (blood fat) levels. If these are high, you may be more at risk for heart disease and stroke. A big goal for anyone who smokes is to stop! Smoking accelerates all of the problems associated with diabetes, because it cuts blood flow and oxygen to the cells. Good Nutrition Matters Your food choices will affect your diabetes control. Foods that contain natural or added sugar or starch (carbohydrates) will affect your blood glucose more than foods that are mainly protein or fat. A registered dietitian can help you plan a healthy meal plan using a variety of your favorite foods. Controlling calories is important for diabetes control. A weight loss of just 10 to 20 pounds can make a big difference in your blood glucose and blood pressure control. Drinking plenty of water, eating higher fiber foods, and eating less fat will help. Watching your sodium intake is also helpful if you have high blood pressure. Limiting solid fats will help control your cholesterol level.

Eating less fat so next time eat only half of it.

Most people find that eating the same amount of food at about the same time each day helps them control their blood glucose. Skipping meals is a bad idea, especially if you take diabetes medicine. Missing a meal also makes you more likely to overeat later. 2 You do not need to buy special food for your diabetes. The diabetic meal plan is good for both you and your family. Getting Active Is Important Blood glucose and weight control are very difficult to achieve without regular physical activity. Activity may include merely moving around more during the day, driving less, taking the stairs more often, doing yard work, or walking the dog, all of which increase caloric use.

Regularly scheduled exercise is also good. For weight loss, exercise that gets the heart rate up helps the most. Good choices are brisk walking, swimming laps, water aerobics, and biking. If you have not exercised regularly lately, have a doctor’s exam before you start. The results of this checkup will help you choose the activity that is best for you. The main goal is to do more of something you enjoy. You should exercise 5 to 7 days a week. Exercising with a partner or group may help you better stick to your program. Exercising at the same time each day may make your blood glucose levels more predictable.

Blood Glucose Monitoring is the only way to tell how well you have your diabetes under control. Your medical team will tell you how often to check. These blood glucose readings will help you see patterns in your diabetes control. If you have three values at the same time each day that are above or below your target range, you may need to change your eating, exercise, or medication habits. Recording your blood glucose readings, what you ate, what you did that day, and how much medicine you took will help you see those patterns. There are many monitors available. A diabetes educator or a pharmacist can help you decide which one is best for you. Always take your monitor and blood glucose records with you when you see your medical team. They can test to be sure your monitor is working correctly and that you are checking it properly.

Obese and diabetic a deadly combination

Medication Choices
New medicines for diabetes seem to appear every day. Your doctor will decide which medication is right for you. Some people with type 2 diabetes may only require better eating habits and more physical activity to control their diabetes. Medication needs often change over time, so you may switch diabetes medicines or add medicine more than once. Blood glucose monitoring is essential in deciding the correct amount of diabetes medicine for you. Diabetes pills work in different ways. They are not insulin. Some pills cause your pancreas to produce more insulin. Some make your liver produce less blood glucose after meals. Others slow the absorption of carbohydrate. Another type makes you more sensitive to insulin. You may need one or more of these medicines to control your diabetes. You may need insulin shots. Some people need insulin along with diabetes pills. How often you take insulin depends on how much insulin your body still produces and how closely your doctor wants to control your diabetes. Different types of insulin last different amounts of time. Your medical team will tell you how much of each kind you need to take and how often.

 In the beginning your overwhelmed by all the information and medication

Don’t Be Overwhelmed
Diabetes is a complex disease, and it takes time to develop the skills needed to control it. A certified diabetes educator can help. Ask your doctor to refer you to an educator for diabetes education. A diabetes support group may also help.
  

You will be surprised how much you will learn and how much easier it is to adjust your diabetes care so that it fits your lifestyle.

The Old Sailor,

Sailor's wisdom

 

Dear Bloggers,

As the summer weather os on it’s return and the rain bashes on to the windows of the bus, the irst storm is a fact, my mind drifts off to the days that  I was at sea. I rememberred a couple of nautical proverbs that I learned on the way.  It was one of the funny things to do during bad weather for me  hang out in the messroom with some other crewmembers and pop up all these sayings and try to explain them.  Those were the days.

 

If you are a friend of the captain, you can wipe your hands on the sail.
This one is easy if you are a good friend of the boss, you can live a bit next to the rules. 
Where water is the boss, there must the land obey.
We cannot tame nature.
Smooth seas do not make skilful sailors.
A sailor needs to be able to work during  rough conditions  
The water in which one drowns is always an ocean.
If someone gets into trouble or even dies, the consequences are often bigger than you can imagine.
If you want to drown yourself, don't torture yourself with shallow water.
If you want to do something, do it properly.

Don't build a new ship out of old wood.
You might have a stockpile of unused design concepts, but every new client should be afforded the new ideas they’re paying for. 
If rain bothers you, you can always jump into the sea.
 If you are already wet, you won't care about the rain 
No matter how big the sea may be, sometimes two ships meet.
Don’t give up on love, one day you will meet the one
Don't buy a boat that is under water.
Don’t buy something that you cannot see
Seamen learn to get to know each other during a storm.
You learn during rough times to know the ones that you can rely on
A man without money is like a ship without sails.
Without goals, and plans to reach them, you are like a ship that has not a destination. You are only floating around with no steady course

 

Better lose the anchor than the whole ship.
Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.
Better poor on land than rich at sea.
Better to be poor and honest than to be dishonest and rich.
It is good rowing with the sail set.
Live is easier when things are coming your way.
The best pilots are ashore.
 It is easier to criticise other people than too achieve something yourself
Worse things happen at sea.
if things are bad ashore, then they could be a lot worse at sea.
The surface of the water is beautiful, but it is no good to sleep on.
Things may look beautiful on the outside but not you don’t know what lies underneath

It is the calm and silent water that drowns a man.
the things that you expect to be safe can be more harmful than than the things you think will be dangerous
just because you don't suspect them of being dangerous

Women are as changeable as the sea.
A womans emotions can swing as rapidly as weather at sea,
You know who the good seamen are when the storm comes.
In bad times you know who can handle the situation

After the ship has sunk, everyone knows how she might have been saved.
After something bad has happened everyone has an opinion on how this mishap could have been prevented.

And of course there are many more, strange but true every first stormy day I feel somekind of home sick. But sadly enough these days are over. Don’t worry I am happy now with the life ashore and they are just some sentimental flashbacks. Salt water goes in the brain and the sea will never leave you.

The Old Sailor,

Facebook invite sparks riot in Haren

Dear Bloggers,

It is just a bit more than a week ago that some of our colleagues got involved in this drama in the commuters town of Haren. A small town of 19.000 with pretty normal inhabitants. We have a couple of buslines running through and I never experienced any trouble here. Until this poor high school student placed invitation on facebook and forgot one little mark. The colleagues that have been there during the riots have feared for there lives. As these there vehicles got smashed with bricks, streettiles, sticks and for sale signs and whatever these idiots could find on there stampede. It was a complete warzone one of them told me. 

When Dutch high school student Merthe planned a small gathering with friends to mark her 16th birthday, she had no idea it would turn into a riot-filled night with thousands of sensation seekers descending on her small Dutch hometown of Haren. But one forgotten click meant her Facebook invitation went viral and now editors, journalists, police and public officials are asking who is to blame, and who is going to pick up the after-party damage tab? 

After Merthe neglected to mark her party invitation as “private,” it went viral, with some 30,000 people saying they would “attend” what became known as Project X Haren, named after an American film with a similar theme. I think it is strange that people are coming too a non excisting party to play the hooligan. There must be some wires missing in their brains. Maybe these so called thrill seekers should be sterilized as a part of their punishment.

Police estimate that some 3,000 youngsters actually made the trip last Friday night to the upscale town of 19.000 inhabitants near the northern city of Groningen, where 500 riot police were waiting for them.

“Miserable and frightening”
In a night that saw cars burned and windows smashed, the numbers aren’t pretty: some 35 arrests, 30 people reportedly treated in the hospital, and damages that insurers are estimating could be in the millions. Even the local Albert Heijn supermarket wasn’t spared.

"I went because a friend of mine said it would be fun…we understood something would be organised,” said attendee and University of Groningen student. But after staying for only half an hour, he realised nothing was organised at all and left the scene he called it: “miserable and frightening, not really a success.”
In the aftermath of the Haren affair, indeed, even in the lead-up--there’s been a lot of finger pointing about who is to blame for the out-of-control event. Many observers blame the social media sites where the party originated, not only Facebook, but the re-tweets on Twitter and even promotional videos on YouTube.

Blame the messenger
The Consumer Affairs Minister of Germany, a country that has had at least two of its own viral parties says Facebook should change its privacy settings to avoid private invitations becoming public. “What has to happen before Facebook takes action?’ asked Minister Ilse Aigne. Facebook Netherlands, meanwhile, says while it regrets the trouble in Haren, it is not responsible, and the company maintains its privacy settings are not difficult to use. In the Netherlands a lot of youngsters use Hyves a similar program like Facebook which has a pop up before you place something which asks who should be able to read this? You can choose from options like friends and everyone. I would say Facebook could put in something similar.

On the website of the Dutch media trade magazine Villamedia, editors and academics also weighed in on the debate, with media sociologist Peter Vasterman of the University of Amsterdam saying traditional media’s coverage of the event turned it into something much bigger than social media could have done alone. "Traditional media make an issue really important," said Vasterman of the constant pre-party coverage. But the chief editor of Dutch broadcaster NOS said he was just doing his job. "It's news that a girl makes a mistake on social media and then a village is in fear,” said Marcel Gelauff. “I cannot ignore that."

Haren’s mayor Rob Bats has called for an investigation into the role of both social and traditional media in the Haren affair. “What should we tolerate from the media?” he asked. Dutch Justice Minister Ivo Opstelten, meanwhile, has called the riots “completely unacceptable” and says those who caused the damage should foot the bill.

Double-edged social media
But officials investigating Friday night’s disturbances are using the same social media they blame for the unrest to help them solve it. Police are combing videos and photos from the night in an attempt to track down the troublemakers. A call for the public to upload riot images on the national police’s website has led to four gigabytes of footage so far.

In addition to other public videos of the disturbances that are being used to help identify perpetrators, authorities say they can trace potential witnesses via social media. “We constantly monitor Twitter,” said a Groningen police spokesman.

Facebook, too, is being used by officials to help identity those involved. And in perhaps an even greater irony, the website that spawned Project X Haren may also offer one of the most practical solutions to the town’s immediate problems: according to broadcaster NOS, some 15,000 people have “liked” a Facebook appeal for people to go to Haren to help clean up the mess.

If this is the world we live in, we should fear for the worst if your daughter is on the internet now! So until she has left the house try to explain to her the dark sides of internetcommunities

The Old Sailor, 

Men and wanting only one thing

Dear Bloggers,

Sex researchers are peculiar beasts. Armed with their tape measures, clipboards, surveys, and hidden cameras, they seek to provide a peephole from which to scrutinize that most private of spheres, human sexuality.

The idea that men think about sex every seven seconds, like the claim that we only use 10 percent of our brains, is often repeated but rarely sourced. The number doesn't bear up against scrutiny. According to the Kinsey Report, 54% of men think about sex every day or several times a day, 43 percent a few times a week or a few times a month, and 4 percent less than once a month. Even though the Kinsey Report relies on men to self-report on how often they think about sex, it's still eye opening to find that just under half of men aren't even thinking about sex once a day. Clearly, the seven-second rule may be a tad hyperbolic.

“Not Tonight, Honey” is a well known phrase for most man and this might lead to sexual frustration. As man are not all that good at being turned down.

The stereotype about the sex-starved man and the disinterested woman may be more than just a cliche. As it turns out, the instant a woman enters a secure relationship, her sex drive begins to plummet. Four years in, a German study found, fewer than half of women wanted regular sex. And after 20 years, only 20 percent did.

Among men, libido held steady no matter how long they'd been in the relationship. Researchers provide an evolutionary explanation—women's sex drive is initially high to facilitate pair bonding. Meanwhile, desire for tenderness showed the opposite trend. Ninety percent of women craved tenderness, but of men who'd been in relationships for ten years, only 25 percent said they hoped for the same from their partner.

In Three Minutes Flat

Judging from the average porn flick, romance novel, or locker room conversation, a Martian landing on Earth would probably assume that intercourse would last somewhere in the vicinity of 40 minutes. But if that Martian were to actually enter into a relationship, he might be in for a big disappointment. Such marathon sessions are the exception to the rule; surveys find that the average sex session lasts from three to ten minutes. Not that any of this should be so surprising as the average hotel porn viewer watches for just 12 minutes.

I was in a conversation the other day (the only thing I do if there are not that many people on the bus and every subject is welcome as the average run is approx 30 minutes) and the passenger has a less boring ride as well.

This particular young lady who is studying social science introduced me to a new level and we got onto the subject of dating. A lot has changed a total new generation has entered don’t ask, you know how women can talk in circles and the woman expressed discouragement because the men she met were only interested in One Thing. According to her this was not what she was looking for in a relationship, she was more looking for a guy that could take care of himself and sex would not be a main thing. For a moment I was puzzled and thought what has happened to this young lady. Has she had some bad experiences with guys.

 

I said “So what?”  It is a fact that half of the populatian of the human male species are only interested in One Thing.  But I think you should not be to careful when dating as men are all hunters it is in there brain from day one. Only this time I added, “Maybe I am only interested in One Thing, too, but is that a problem to have a conversation with me?”  My poor passenger, whom I thought nothing could shock, blanched. And she said: “No of course there is no problem in conversating but you are so open minded that it shocked me.” She smiled and said: “Maybe you are right about the guys there might be some nice personality behind the hunter.” She got off the bus and waved goodbye to me and smiled.

 

The thing is that men aren’t really interested in only One Thing.  But they certainly need to get that One Thing out of the way.  And, the truth is so do women.  At least, once we reach a certain age. If we aren’t looking for a mother or father for our children, or, necessarily a good provider, if we’re looking for a lover, a companion, and a great man or woman to hang with for some measure of the duration, then we need to be honest with ourselves:  doesn’t The Thing count for something? Don’t we want a man or woman who makes our stomach jump, our heart flop, our mouth long for the kiss?  Aren’t we looking for romance and isn’t romance that tingly feeling we can’t explain? Not in all cases it fades away. But my question is: “Isn’t that the reason women get sex and love so mixed up with each other?”  To love someone you have to want them to touch you and this should not all come from one side.

 

I mean, let’s get real.  We’re dating for a reason. We can go to the movies with a friend.  We’ve got our kids to love, our parents to take care of.  We are all grown up now.  We want someone to take our pants off.

 

A good friend of mine said once: “If a man isn’t thinking about pussy all the time he’s just not paying attention.”  It should be a qoute from a golfer he said, no I didn’t look the quote up because it seemed so preposterous, but I did do an informal survey once when I was still sailing but these guys are all a bit special at least that is what i think. All the men agreed that they thought about it all the time. So I am not only a horndog I am also an intellectual and I would further like to explain:

 

“It’s contextual. We think about a thousand things a day, but pussy is always in the mix. Say we’re thinking about the curve of something, even something mathematical. Well, that leads us back to a woman’s curves. It’s like the shape of a Ferrari or a beautiful lined ship. Everything is designed that it gives the feeling of arousal.  It all leads back my dear. And that is how men think about sex every eight seconds.” Great designers are just horny bastards.

 

I would never hesitate to stereotype my own sex.  Recently when yet another old boyfriend got in touch with my wife through Facebook, I sighed. “Is this one divorced, too?  Every time a man gets divorced, he contacts you. I know what they want.”

 

Yeh, the One Thing. But the truth is that over the years some old girlfriends have found me on Facebook and none of them have wanted that. They just wanted to reconnect, see how I was. This may be because none of my relationships, except one, have ended badly and even the one that ended badly did not involve knives or guns or stalking. A lot of Facebook friends probably hope that they did things better than you.

 

Still, with the latest contact, I asked a male friend what he thought this newest woman might want. “I don’t know” he said.  “I’ve contacted several old girlfriends and it was never for that. But then I am sort of a weird man.”

 

You can tell he was a big help.

 

Turns out I was a very fond memory. Which was nice. 

 

My wife and I got The Thing out of the way pretty quickly and I am still married to herckly. Women are way more in control than we like to admit. Men know that. 

The Old Sailor,

I have no motivation left & there is no luck in life

Dear Bloggers,

I have been wondering for quite awhile now that somehow there is no luck in life at all. But somehow I cannot explain as I met people that have been lucky as they earned enough money too retire. Yes I am a decent and honest above average looking guy with no luck with love and yes I am picky but I dont want to live a lie, I am unlucky in investment and lost a lot of money for a adult with his own property and yes it hurts i tried to set up my future with my wife and kids but I have the feeling that I cannot ever succeed no matter how hard I try.

And yes I have some small health complications partly from all the stress as well and those around expect to much of me, so I distance myself as well and to top it all of I can’t get a decent tolerable job that is giving enough hours and money to pay all the bills. I just get what is left to be filled in at the bus company so there is no line at all in working hours, no rythm at all and that I hate, and on top of it all my friends and collegues who cheat on there girlfriends and do social drugs and when they were single they blew all there money and travelled the world and some are now getting married and have careers and houses. I was like that until 15 years ago. Yes I tried to do the right thing but these things never worked out the last 10 to 15 years somehow our luck ran out

How can I get motivated as I see all this injustices around me and feel I would be succesful if I was a low life yet that is not me cause at the moment I want to give up trying in the sense if I did not have financial commitments I would be on welfare as I am so frustrated all my life has and it is a struggle as I have no bloody luck in anything ?

One of my regular passengers said to me: “I think your seeing it wrong my friend.” Hmmm but why is their no luck for us at all ? I asked and then he answerred: “Don't wait for "luck". Organise your life to get somewhere:

” If your investments fail then you are not making the right choices or it is not your thing. Do something else.”

If you are not "lucky" with girls, then you need to go to the right places were you can meet the the right type of girls but I really would not know were this would be nowadays as all the pubs and discos from my time are either being closed or there are only teenagers to be found. So I would have no idea where the fun is for people from my age. I am still married to my wife and there is no prognoses that this would change but it got me thinking as in my street there are enough divorced man and women living aroudnd me. That is probably why these dating sites are getting more and more popular they discovered how to make a fortune out of the other ones bad luck . When you would go out to try your “luck.” Is it because you forgot how to seduce someone or did you fall on your face too many times and furthermore you need to behave like a gentleman to be a good catch.

Something is pretty clear to me know I am pretty sure that luck is another word for trying hard. “If you are not motivated there will be no luck, so give it your best shot.” You need to be firm about what people should expect from you. But be careful as you can want too much, so my advise is “Do not take on too much.” If you are busy you just tell them you unfortunately do not have time, etc. They will soon get used to it. If you would not take it to a hold you might fully burn out as at the moment they are over-burdoning you it seems. It is your life and your future

Blaming "luck" and life by being unfair sounds very much like a looser. Don't be one. Show that you can take charge of your life. I would say do not only depend on luck it is just something that passes by in your life.

The Old Sailor,

Feeling hot, hot, hot...........

Dear Bloggers,

A few days ago it was hot and humid in all of the Netherlands and I did not want to go anywhere on this day as it is too bloody hot out there. Now, I am not a person who idly switches on the air-conditioning unit when the temperature rises above 27c (If I would have had one as the Dutch climate is normally not having that many hot days.) but today is just a bit different. Going out of the house is not an option as there is no wind and it is 34c degrees in the shadow and outside my kids are in the pool filled with cold water under a huge sunscreen and yes, they are having a good time.

We are checking every 15 minutes on them as sitting outside is not an option, when you walk out of the back door it was like walking into a heated oven or an over-heated sauna. Both of those terms describe a hot day and have lost their meaning through overuse but as a previous resident of Sydney [hot and sweaty during summer days] and Darwin [so hot and dry in Summer that the skin flakes off your hands and feet like fish-scales] I can safely say that today in Lip-City is one of the most hottest and unpleasant I have ever known. One of the most unpleasant because the most unpleasant was one day several years ago when I still worked on a cruiseliner during the Summer, when my I walked from the harbour of Lesbos, in to town when the mercury hit 50c. I nearly ended up suffering from heat exhaustion. I digress…

There are [thank goodness] four fans in the living room area and as I write they are all on their highest setting, going at full blast. It is though, still not what I would call “fresh” in here. I am though, in the lap of luxury compared to most neighbors. Think also for a moment about my numerous friends in caravans or tents on campingplaces as they have booked their holidays several months ago. And what about the ones who are in the holiday parks living in these cast-concrete panel homes that take on the summer heat like firebricks and of course, none of them have air-conditioning…

Discrete indoor summer nudity [or near nudity] is commonplace during these days but it can still get you in somekind of trouble. I like to run around with my top off during these days. But when I need to go outside in the garden I am surrounded by a two-meter high wooden fence. I don’t want to be a neighbour that was accused by his neighbor of flagrant nudity in front of his young daughters. The only way his girls could have seen them was by getting to the bedroom in their home and aiming binoculars in the direction of the garden!

We just need to sweat it out during the summer months and many take a bath every day, whether they need one or not. This can make driving on local buses a fragrant experience. Personally, as someone with a very poor sense of smell, I am grateful for my lot.

These sort of temperatures will I believe, continue through August then start to subside during September. So, as I open yet another bottle of cooling softdrink, (sugarfree of course in my good old days this would have been a beer.) I say cheers to you all living in more moderate climes, roll on winter!

The Old Sailor,

Trying not to lose your child

Dear Bloggers,


Last week we went to the doctors office to find out what is the point in the behavior of our youngest daughter. She goes through stages with outbursts of anger and on the other hand she can be totally from the planet when she is watching TV or is on the computer. The symptoms of a deficit disorder can present parents with many challenges. Kids with a disorder “often lose track of their daily things, have difficulty staying on top of homework and seem generally scattered when attending to chores or assigned tasks”. Impulsivity is another challenge, which can lead kids to be defiant or to argue. An other good example is when you go shopping they might see something and disappear all of a sudden as they are atracted by something much more interresting.They tend to easily get overstimulated and they overreact to frustration or failure.

I would say that some kids with these kind of disorders are easier triggered and will get themselves in to trouble as they have quicker a fight-or-flight reaction to stress,” which can make enforcing rules difficult for parents. Most parents may have a tough time knowing how to provide structure without pressure.

“Children know what to do but they don’t do what they know,” This is the tricky part to make things clear to the child what is right and what is wrong. Consequently, parents might not know when to be firm and when to be patient.

Fortunately, while there are many challenges that come with raising kids with a disorder in behaviour there are also effective strategies and rewards that can be used.

The importance of staying calm. Once the parent is out of control, the child’s anger becomes even more escalated, assuring that the interaction will result in a non-productive outcome.” So pay attention to yourself if you have a tendency toward behaviors like reactivity. Arguing with your child won’t get you anywhere. Take home chores like clearing their room, for instance an activity that can feel like a tug-of-war. Arguing simply creates “a diversion that delays home chores even longer. Instead, Diffuse, don’t engage. For example “Say, ‘I understand this is no fun for you,’ followed by silence, positive expectancy and a loving touch on the shoulder. The wrong move here would be saying, “Oh why don’t you stop complaining. You’re dawdling over nothing.”

If you want to make a difference start with yourself and set limits on your own behavior. If you’re inclined to be a worried, rescuing parent, remind yourself that the more you do for your child, the less he does for himself. The key is to support, but don’t get into the driver’s seat. If you’d still like to keep an eye on your child, sit close by, but bring your own work to the table for example pay your bills or balance your checkbook.

Structure involves star charts for young children, calendars and planners for older ones, and clear rules and sensible routines, especially at bedtime. Structure helps reduce disorganization and distractibility. As such, set a consistent time to do home chores, with certain privileges only available to the child after they’ve successfully completed their assignments. For example playing a game together.

So what does pressure-free structure look like? It includes “not using threats or unreasonable deadlines and punishments that contribute to hostility, fear or drama.

Give your kids the chance to make wise choices. To help teach kids self-control. Parents must provide ample opportunities for children to be faced with choices of how to respond. I would suggest using a technique called structured choice, which gives your child two choices that steer him or her in the right direction. For example, parents might ask: Do you want to do your or your next? or Before we can go, your room needs to be picked up. Do you want to start with the clothes on the bed or clear the top of your desk?

Use reasonable consequences for rule-breaking. As a start ask the child what the consequences should be if he or she breaks a rule. This helps kids create commitments that they can actually own. In addition, create and consistently enforce positive consequences for positive behaviors and negative consequences for negative behaviors. This helps your child to recognize that positive behaviors result in positive consequences, and negative behaviors result in negative ones.

Expect rule-breaking, and don’t take it personally. It’s in your child’s “job description” to occasionally break the rules. When your child breaks the rules, “…correct him the way a police officer gives you a ticket. He doesn’t take it personally or groan or yell, ‘I can’t believe you did that again! Why do you do this to me?’ Like the officer, be respectful, consistent, and matter-of-fact.”

Certain accommodations might be necessary for your child because of his or her disorder. However, you still want to encourage kids to cultivate their abilities. An example of finding this tricky balance: “… stand up for his or her right for an accommodation like talking books, but encourage and expect him or her to learn to read fluently, giving him or her time, attention, a tutor, and most especially, your belief that he or she can.”

Avoid muting a headstrong child. One of the mistakes parents can make is “Trying to turn a spirited, willful child into one that never questions authority and accepts all that is said ‘just because I said so’ as a parent.”

Instead, I would suggest that parents “ accept that some children will protest and talk back, and parents must set a limit that on the one hand realizes that children need at least some way to express their frustration, while still enforcing reasonable standards and rules.”

Realize that your child isn’t misbehaving on purpose. Parents of kids with behavior disorders “subconsciously make error assumptions about why their child is misbehaving”.

In reality children are very goal-directed and do what they do with the hope of obtaining an outcome they seek, which usually pertains to something they want to do or get, or something they are trying to avoid (like chores, home work or bed time).

Being persistent is crucial. Kids with behavior disorders may “require more trials and exposure to consistent consequences in order to learn from that experience.” Trying a technique one or two times with no results doesn’t mean that it’s completely ineffective. You just might have to keep trying. Every concern can’t be fixed at once. So it’s important for parents “to prioritize what situations seem most important, and start with those, temporarily letting go of the less important problems.”

Educate yourself about the disorder and attention. Knowing how symptoms affect your child is essential. You might think that your child is being stubborn or behaving a certain way on purpose. The other important part is educating yourself about attention and learning when your child is at his or her peak of productivity. Consider the following scenario: Your child won’t finish her homework, so you firmly tell her that she’s grounded if she doesn’t “buckle down right now.” Instead, though, she has a meltdown. The problem? Her arousal level was too high. “Deep down, she was scared to put something on the paper, because she anticipated it wasn’t going to be good enough — too sloppy, poor spelling, not as polished as her siblings’ or his classmates’ work.” The heightened arousal caused her to feel overwhelmed, so she needed less adrenaline to focus on her task.

Knowing when your child can concentrate best helps you chunk assignments into manageable steps, suggest breaks to decrease tension, alternate interesting and boring tasks, and keep its adrenaline-based brain chemicals pumping with a steady stream of just the right amount of stimulation.

It all comes down on helping your child adjust to change. Children with behavior disorders have a difficult time with “set-shifting,” a brain function that involves adjusting to change or switching cognitive processes, especially if they’re hyper-focused on an activity. I emphasize the importance of giving your child,no matter how busy you are the time and information he needs to mentally adjust for big changes such as vacations, guests or a new babysitter and small changes such as stopping one activity to begin the next, especially when what’s next is getting ready for bed. For instance, when you get back from vacation, the night before, review your child’s routine with him or her.

Focus on your child’s strengths and positive behavior. Instead of harping on what your child can’t do, hone in on what they can. Keep reminding yourself about your child’s resourcefulness, creativity and individuality. The same self-determination and intractability that drives you nuts today will empower your child tomorrow. Picture her as a tireless entrepreneur, attorney, or doing any work she feels passionate about. It’s best for parents to try to strike a balance. “Don’t deny your childs special needs, and don’t define him or her by them, either.”

Cut yourself some slack. Raising a child with a disorder whose symptoms include impulsivity, defiance and limited self-control is one of the most challenging tasks any person will ever attempt. So acknowledge that you’re working hard, and “Do not feel like a failure. You did not cause your child to behave this way, but you can make a difference.” At least that is what I think. Celebrate being a parent and being with your child. Parenting kids with behavior disorders can feel like a frustrating and sometimes unfeasible task. But “Don’t let behavior disorders rob you of the joy of being a parent.” When parents are at their wits’ end, they can do a few things to help. For instance, I suggest to you as a parent “cradle your arms and remember what it felt like when your child was just born.”

If you’re“correcting your child too much, turn your ring or put your wristwatch on your other hand, and don’t put it back the right way until you’ve thought of and said something positive or caught your child being good. Some children are focussed on details and will notice this as a warning sign.

I hope that some of you can use some of these suggestions to help your child. Because there is nothing more beautiful then a happy parent with a happy child.

The Old Sailor,