Dear Bloggers,


Again a 44 year old guy that I knew died al of a sudden for no known reason. How bitter can life be in these moments you wonder if it is all worth it.
This is a tremendous load to carry for the ones that stay behind and have to go on with their lives. It is time to start living my dear friends and make something good out of it.

Sometimes you think: Does my life seem more difficult than it needs to be? It sucks when life is hard. It is so depressing and tiring.
You feel completely stuck and it is extremely difficult to figure out why.

You want to move on to better things, but somehow you keep bumping up against an invisible obstacle that holds you right where you are.
It can be frustrating and downright maddening.

Reasons why Your life Is hard

“It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you that you have to carry it.”

I understand just how upsetting it can be when you feel life is being hard on you.
That’s why I want to help you figure out what’s going on.

However, I need to tell you that it is going to take a little patience and open-mindedness on your part to solve this mystery.

You might read some things below that you don’t like at first.
In fact, if you start reading something that really bothers you, that’s probably what you need to hear the most.

Here are three reasons that your life may seem hard:

1. Arrogance

No one likes to be told they are arrogant. So, right from the start, I’m testing your willingness to really take an honest look at yourself and your attitudes.

Are you being stubborn? Sometimes we simply persist on a particular path when life is telling us to go another way.

Trying to swim against the current is difficult and it will make your life rocky. You may be too stubborn to admit a) you’ve been wrong, b) you need to change and c) this is the source of your trouble. This is arrogance, plain and simple.

I see this a lot around health issues. You may have a bad habit that is playing havoc with your health, but you don’t want to give it up. This makes your life hard, but you arrogantly persist. Eventually, this will get the better of you. One way or the other, if you ignore the warnings, you will pay and pay and pay. Often difficulties are simply life’s way of telling you that you need to change. Your life would be so much easier and enjoyable if you’d just listen to what it is trying to tell you. Humble yourself and listen. Then be willing to make some adjustments. You’ll be happy you did.

2. Inexperience

Life can sometimes seem much harder than it has to be simply due to inexperience.
You may be facing things you haven’t had to deal with before and that you lack preparation to handle.

This can certainly make life seem laborious and painful. When you lack experience with a particular matter, you also lack the skill, judgment and understanding that make things a whole lot easier to handle. This is no fault of yours, but the quicker you realize and admit that your inexperience is an issue, the faster you can fix it.

If you think your difficulties are due to inexperience, then there are a few ways that you can overcome this and make things easier on yourself.

Here are some ways I’ve dealt with difficulties due to inexperience in my own life:
Find a very targeted action plan to guide you – A prewritten plan from someone that’s successfully navigated the waters you’re in right now can be invaluable.

Find an experienced mentor for advice – A good mentor will have the experience you lack and be able to guide you through the trouble you are facing.

Find a book that will teach you what you need to know – There seems to be a book on practically every subject imaginable. Find one for your specific needs and educate yourself.

Just because you lack experience doesn’t mean that you have to wallow in it. Take the bull by the horns and get some help to ease the trouble you are facing. Things will smooth out once you do.

3. Pure Circumstances

I’ve lived long enough to know that occasionally, you just hit a rough patch in life that is purely circumstantial.

In other words, it is out of your control. You didn’t do anything to deserve what you are getting. God isn’t mad at you. You aren’t being punished.
You are just going through a tough time and sometimes when it rains, it pours. It is Murphy’s Law, “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.”

I’ve certainly had a few of these periods in my own life. They are tough, but you can live through it.

When circumstances aren’t going your way, you just have to do your best and keep yourself from slipping off the edge.

Remember the old adage, “What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.” Unfortunately, these spells can last awhile sometimes.

You just have to control what you can and deal with the rest.
I wished there was some better advice I had to offer, but once in awhile life gives you an endurance test. Your job is to weather the storm even if it is long and difficult.
The one encouraging thing I can tell you is that it will eventually end.

The sun will rise again. Trust me, better days are ahead for you if you just keep plugging along doing the best you can.

What Is Making Your Life Hard?

Okay, so did any of this help? Have you decided what is making your life hard?

Is it arrogance, inexperience or just plain old circumstances?

Figuring this out is the crucial first step toward making things better. Usually, just thinking about it in these ways helps. You are going to get through this and when you do, the happiness you experience will be that much sweeter.

Tell me about your difficulties in the comments section, I might have an answer or maybe not.
Often, writing out your troubles will help you organize your thoughts about them.
Plus, you might help someone else along the way.

The Old Sailor,

Did I fail in this life?

Dear Bloggers,


This week I have been transfered again to my old station and had to pick up on my knowledge again. In a way I feel happy on the other hand reality is that they could not find anyone else. I have at this moment the feeling that the things that happened in my life so far have only brought me more and more worries about the future. How do you know if your life is a failure or a success? Many queries are bubbling up in my brain, it is busy in there it’s like a real autmn storm in my little grey area.

Or, maybe instead, how do you know if your life is a success?

What are the criteria? Who gets to decide? Is your life a failure if you are send to prison? If your kids go to prison? Are you a failure if you don’t do what you want to do for a living? If you don’t do what are you supposed to do for a career? Or if you made once a mistake do you get the blame forever? Unless you are being protected by people on higher positions you might have a chance to make some mistakes.

When is it too late to fix it?

Considering that a life includes many stages and levels, maybe the answer is always subject to qualifications and/or temporary current circumstances. Maybe a person can always make amends and change. Or, maybe it is part of the human condition that we are always just a few degrees away from either success or failure…and the decisions we are always making are constantly swinging the pendulum back and forth.

The person that goes to prison can reform. The person responsible for a drunk driving accident can make amends. The person commiting adultery can quit. The person engaging in destructive behaviour towards other people can stop. It is a kind of nature that we are like wolves, if there is no strong pack leader the other ones might tear you apart.

Or, maybe they cannot?

Maybe the criteria are locked and fixed. Maybe the hands of fate don’t allow for a second and third chance. Maybe our flaws are too many to overcome. Maybe even those with apparent success are hiding significant faults.

Is it only at death that we are judged as good or bad, success or failure?

Decisions made years ago, and early in life, have a bearing on incidents that happen later in life. No one is ever truly able to escape their past. Decisions made at one point with the confidence of correctness can later be determined as incorrect. Time marches on. Nothing is ever over. Does this knowledge force us into a state of intellectual paralysis?

Does enlightenment occur from the knowledge of this pendulum of good versus evil and success versus failure? Maybe those that are aware of the precarious balance are thus successful as a result, while those who are oblivious are failing…will fail…can’t stop from failing.

You need to set some goals in this life. Altruism, kindness, generosity…those are universally recognizable and realistic goals. Those are goals that benefit both the individual and society as a whole. Pursuit and realization of those goals should probably allow a person to be considered as successful.

Failing to follow those guiding principles…well, failure is as failure does.

So, are we feeling sorry for those that don’t get it? Can we help those that choose to make mistakes? Can we look the other way while they fail? And, are we then also failures as long as there are those without the knowledge of this path to enlightenment…those who fail to see it…those who fail to do what is right…those who just fail? It’s a philosophical thing that keeps my mind running.

“You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.”

My thoughts might sound kind of negative somekind of dark and people may call me a doomthinker. I really wander how can I change things into better prospectives? I feel that I have failed on many things in my life. It has been a long time ago that i felt successful.

On the other hand i did do in a way quite well. But who am I kidding actually as the last few years everything went downwards. When I had to stop sailing my income fell with more than 40% in a year, I got a body to live in that only works on half power and is painful every day. Yes I became trapped in my future plans and there is no light that guides me to the end of the tunnel. Now I am renting myself out to get my hours filled as the holiday season is coming. For crying out loud no one cares about you or your feelings.

“It is no use lying to one’s self.”

I have trouble to stay positive in this jungle of emotions. Must I just stay positive when everything in life turns you down? I live in a house that is hardly sellable, a job with an uncertain future, I drive an old car which I cannot replace due to less and less work. My family suffers from it as well and everyone has it’s own needs. Are we slowly going our own way and what happened to the unity?

Honesty and the right action determines success…regardless of the endeavour…anything and everything short of that is failure.

The Old Sailor,

winter is on the way

Dear Bloggers,


This morning it was five o’clock to get up and get to work. As soon as I had my breakfast and rubbed the sleep out of my face, I open the curtains to few the world who looks brutal and dark at this time of day. When I walk to the car I feel the cold air tipping on my nose. It is a big difference to last week as temperatures have dropped to 6 degrees Celcius.


It’s getting cold. The nights are starting to draw in while the mornings seem to take forever to stir. I’m beginning to slow down, to curl up in bed for ‘just 10 more minutes’ in the mornings, to seek out sleep earlier in the evenings. I’m walking slowly, as my body is getting stiffer more painful again but surely this will be my first winter in a better shape than the last couple of years.

I’ve never found winter an easy season. Everything seems stark, minimal and asleep. My hands and feet wish to retreat into my body as they become freezing cold and numb. The layers I have to wear drive me nuts because I’m too hot inside and yet freezing outside. I feel constricted by all the clothes needed to keep me warm and I long for the days when I can slip on a pair of flip-flops, a pair of shorts and a t-shirt .



A week ago people hopped on the bus wearing t-shirts, summer dresses and shorts. Today I saw the first ones wearing gloves, hats, caps and scarfs. The air is cold and chilly and slowly night is turning into day. The hard blue sky is bautiful and explains the bittter cold breeze that hangs around. You can imagine that they were quite happy that I had turned on the heater in the bus. It is strange that in such a short period the leaves have turned colours and cold weather took position, weather men predict a cold and snowy winter. And that will spice up the job again as delays give trouble and I think that it is really funny.

For me, winter is all about slowing down, about stripping bare, going back to basics. It’s about inventing new ways of living a full life that focuses the majority of the time on indoor pursuits. It’s about connecting with friends and family, sharing the warmth of the holidays together. It’s about generosity with your neighbors, wishing each other well in this darker season. It’s about ruminating on the fact of life that everything one day will die.


We are still a good couple of months away from ice, winter woolies and the festive season, but already I’m preparing myself for the shifts my body and mind will need to take in the coming months. I want to take the next few months as an opportunity to reflect on my life thus far, to question ‘who I am’ right now and who I will be when this body also sheds its last leaf.

I want to take more time to sit, to question, to think about the circle of life, the parts of me that are dying in order for me to be reborn again next spring and who that makes ‘me’ when the old is perpetually falling away to make room for the new. It makes me sad as i realize how many people that have left us in the last couple of years. On the other hand I see my eldest daughter turning into a woman. Someday there will be the first love and a new circle begins.


I hope that the winter will not be to harsh and not to many snowdays as they only cost money. I start the car and drive into the darkness of the early morning with the radio playing softly and the heating is on full power. So, when I’m up in the dead black of the early morning and nothing is stirring, what will my first thoughts and actions be in that moment? Who will I choose to be when the world appears to be so still as if it’s not yet breathing? How will I make those moments count at a time when it’s much easier just to indulge in the warmth of my bed and my dreams?

The Old Sailor,

On the bike with no wheels

Dear Bloggers,

This week I started with getting in shape again, as I am not the richest guy I looked for some good bargains on the internet to buy a exercise bike. The cheapest that I found would cost me € 30.00 when I called the advertiser he said that he was sorry and that he brought the stuff to the local thrift store. I bought the thing for €7.50 but it needed some work to get it all running. So I spent the whole morning in the garage as I had my day off. Ok it is not new but it runs perfectly and I don’t have to be scared of not making it home, as my body might fully block. Also the dark season is coming with the heavy rainshowers and stormy weather. So there will be no excuse. Only question I asked myself was when I would bike? I need a manageable schedule.



For those who bought a new piece of exercise equipment for the family, be aware that all your good intentions will only work when there is a solid commitment and a manageable schedule the home trainer that you bought for an at home exercise program as you don’t feel like going to the gym. It should be a purchase that you do not regret. The phrase manageable or reachable goals is part of the buzz these days. That is what you are doing when setting up an exercise program for your household, creating reachable, success driven goals, and then making it work!



Here are some simple ideas to consider for making a manageable, success driven home exercise schedule:

Early Rising: Exercise before showering and getting evereyone else up. It will mean getting up about forty five minutes before the rest of the family. It could be peaceful, and you can watch the early morning local news and mentally prepare for the day.

Preschool Hours: This is a built in time each week time when your children are busy and is plenty of time for mothers or fathers time to work in an exercise session in between child free grocery shopping.

Working Families: Parents can coordinate and use the home exercise equipment while children are doing their homework, and children can use it while dinner is being prepared and it is not their turn to load the dishwasher.



Flip Flop Parents: One parent could be getting dinner ready, while the other is using the “bike” and watching the early local news or a popular talk show. After dinner flip flop, and the cook exercises while watching the evening newscast and the other parent cleans up after dinner.

Family Room: Most home exercise machines these days are pretty quiet, so working out during prime time television shows could be a great scheduling moment. Other people can be in the room, just like normal. Take turns using the bike or treadmill and the timing is based on the prime time schedule. Evening game shows and the half hour comedies are perfect to use as scheduling guides.

Your goal is to get everyone using the machine three times a week for at least half and hour, so schedules can be on alternate days and adjusted to other outside activities. It goes without saying that it will be wise to make good use of the weekends when everyone generally has a bit more time.



If you use these ideas as a guide, and make it your own you can see that the decision to buy something like a exercise bike or another piece of equipment to use at home can actually work and will not be a waste of money. Making the commitment and sticking to it in the first month will also help develop a routine, that once set is easy to keep going. At least that is what I think.

Let us see what the future brings?

The Old Sailor,

How crazy can I be?

Dear Bloggers,

Last Friday I had a gentleman on the bus who had a difficulty with his speech, no problem in this case as I had a waiting time of more than twenty minutes. We talked about what had happened to him and how difficult this was feeling. He suffered from a brain trauma and lost a lot of his normal abilities and some people called him a nut as he rides on a special bike. He could not recall to his life that he had lived before and his memory gives only some flashbacks that he could put into place, he carries a picturebook with him to recognize his own kids and wife. And that must be terrible (unless you’re having a horrible wife and kids) After his story I drove back home and tears were running down my cheeks overthinking his emotional plea.

Once again I realized how lucky I have been when I tumbled down the stairs a few years ago and got my brain got fully shattered. We just bought this house and we had just moved in. That evening we just brought our daughter to bed and my wife was just pregnant from the second one. When I was on my way down I slipped on the top of the staircase. When I was picked up again by the ambulance personel and rushed of to the hospital I slowly came around again.I felt a sharp pain in my head. Before I knew what was happening I heard a loud high tone in my head and I had trouble with my balance and my hearing. I remember the moment that I was falling, but don’t recall hitting the ground or the wall whatever came first.

I lay unconscious on the floor until my wife called me. I woke to find people hovering around me, pinching me to get any reaction. They were asking me questions, and although I could hear them I was unable to respond normally. As talked with a double tongue. I was told that an ambulance was on the way, but I thought it was completely unnecessary and that I would be fine in a few minutes.The ambulance arrived and took me to hospital and all the initial tests were clear. My partner arrived and I said to her that I didn’t understand what all the fuss was about. Luckily a doctor ordered a brain scan, which is normal when they found trouble in my brain. The neck collar was bathering me the most as the expected that I had broken my neck.

From that moment on I felt like I was floating near the ceiling, looking down at myself, watching everyone rush around me. I was taken to another part of the hospital, where I had a neurologist waiting for me. Everything changed then and there.

My doctor informed my family that I had suffered from a cerebral contusion. Two days later I went downhill quickly. A neurologist advised my family and partner that the brain had been shattered that much and that my character might have changed and that I could be angry and frustrated. As I might suffer having trouble with finding words, mixed up thoughts and not being able expressing myself, memory loss could also give extra frustration.

I underwent multiple tests to monitor my progress, and I lived with a tremendous amount of pain. I pleaded with my partner to take the pain away, and told her that I would have rather died. She just kept telling me that each day would get better, and that I just had to keep fighting.



After the worst was over, my slow recovery began. I was in care for three days, and as my rehabilitation seemed to go well, I was send home to recover slowly to the normal me again as it was not that bad as they thought. But I did not feel at home at all as there was a strange driver at the wheel, so to say the captain of this ship went overboard and missing. I cried almost every day; the feeling of helplessness was awful. For the first three weeks I couldn’t stand for a long time and when I walked I was out of balance and I fell over my right side for a few times I lost some of my muscle definition. For the first few weeks after that it felt like my body had forgotten how to walk and I was dizzy all the time and very heavy headed.

But as the weeks passed, I realised I could only keep getting better. I still have down days, I still cry over nothing and I’ll forever be asking “Why?”, but then I remember that eight years ago I was almost dead, and today I’m almost back to normal. I still get tired easily and don’t sleep well, which are common symptoms of a brain trauma injury. I also get headaches every now and then. Unfortunately the brain injury has left me permanently missing parts of my character and calculating skills and my walking and balance still deteriorates when I get very tired.

I am one of the lucky ones. I survived. Three months later I was driving again. My brain is still recovering; I’ve been advised it could take many years to completely recover. But now I’ve quit smoking and I stress less. Life is too short and unpredictable.

I still find it strange that I am not suffering from more problems as the man that I talked to never got back to a normal speech again and he has to ride a tricycle as his balance is fully disrupted. I wish I could see inside his real thoughts if he felt lucky or would he have been rather dead? This question is until today still humming in my head :”Why me and for what purpose?”

The other day I saw a bumper sticker that said
“After head injury, life may never be the same.”
How can nine words have so much impact on one’s life. I find it
painful to look back at when life was “normal”. I feel scared when I imagine the future. So, I live one day at a time and sometimes even a minute at a time.

It started in April of 2003 when I had this cerebral contusion. The doctor said the recovery went well. What the doctor didn’t tell me was that I would probably end up with impaired judgment, emotional problems, and would not be the same person that I was before the crash.

The whole family rallied for my recovery. After months of physical therapy, speech therapy, occupational therapy, and eventually work adjustment training, problems were still so intense it was overwhelming. I was improving physically, but my emotions were gone, my love for the two of us was gone and I did not understand what was happening.

I first of all retired on disability and our income dropped € 30.000,- per year and we got more and more trouble to pay the bills. I had to find a better way of making a living again. So I ended up going to work full-time on a ship again.

Besides the tremendous burden of dealing with a person that felt himself a husband and father before. But now I was physically and emotionally impaired, the family did not have enough income to live on. So, I ended up getting more and more physical problems at night.

I left the old me behind and tied to get in line with this new me. And it is tough to deal with a father and husband who is full of anger, has emotional outbursts, did not care about what ever happened to him. Thinking back, I know I did not do the right thing, and I worry about the impact that this had on my oldest child.
But at the time, I was just trying to survive – buy food and make the house payment.
Life suddenly became an endless struggle. There was not time to relax, just visit a friend or to enjoy life with the children. Our family life had turned into “daily survival.”
I have been told we are lucky – that I am better than some.
What lies ahead, I don’t know. But please I am not asking you to feel sorry for me.

I live at home but there is not much of love around. She doesn’t put her arms around me any more, I don’t ask her how she is feeling. I get scared thinking of my marriage as it has lost it’s bloom next thing that might happen might be being alone. The world considers me married – but am I? I don’t fit with the single men; I don’t fit with the divorced men. But no one seems to take care of me. Most of the time I am able to deal with this – but sometimes I feel lonely and scared.

The marriage as I had known it, ceased to exist. I had lost not only my best girlfriend and companion, but the best years of my life had been erased.

The Old Sailor,

I don't want to be a weatherman

Dear Bloggers,


When I got up today I turned on the radio and during my breakfast I listened to the weatherforecast. It must be a depressive job, I think only predicting rain and here and there a little bit of sunny spells. The rain is really pooring down and my garden turned into a swamp.

I give myself plenty of extra time heading out this morning. Numerous Flash Flood Warnings are in effect and rainfall rates of 3-5 centimeters per hour are occurring over our region.The ground is saturated and streams, creeks and rivers are spilling over their banks. Street flooding and road closures are numerous and mass transit has cancellations or delays because of the flooding.


Mud and flood waters closed parts of some villages as the roads are flooding eventhough the higways and roads have not the biggest problems but several roadworks are giving some detours. Driving through flood waters is not very smart as you don’t know what lies underneath; this is a very dangerous situation!

Since Monday, over 30 centimeters of rain have fallen in parts of the Dutch Delta. All of this rain is a combination of remains of Tropical Storm Irene combined with a slow moving cold front. The large and persistent storm system will continue to spin over our region today and the Flood Watch has been extended through this morning. The Delta works are being watche closely to make sure live behind the dikes is save.

As of 6 a.m.this morning, heavy rain and thunderstorms continue to come over our region again. Raining is the biggest concern at the moment and I must admit it is pretty boring to see nothing else then rain. Many parts of the Netherlands have areas of heavy rain moving over the same region in a relatively short period of time, producing excessive rainfall amounts which often lead to flash flooding. Some had nothing else but rain all summer long.

Rain chances will stay with us through the weekend, but there will be dry weather and sunshine as we head into early next week. Let us hope that the weathermen are right this time as this part of the world needs to dry up a little bit.

The Old Sailor,

End of the summer holidays

Dear Bloggers,

As it is the last weekend before the summer holidays are ending and the kids are getting ready for going to school again. We did all the lousy work as placing covers around the school books and buying stuff that you would need this coming semester. It has been a long summer this year as in 90% of the days rain was pooring down in large amounts that even streets flooded.

 

Show me any parent of young children and I’ll show you a person breathing a massive sigh of relief today that the six-week break is finally over. Some may even crack open the bubbly tonight to celebrate surviving what has become an almost impossible mix of childcare juggling, stretching the household budget to the breaking point, to simply tuning out to the constant moans of “I’m bored”.

Add into the mix more than one child and a parent will need to have developed the skills of an UN negotiator as the fight for boundries and territory for brothers and sisters, they intensify dramatically when school’s out for the summer.




Yes, six weeks can be a very long time when there’s youngsters to entertain. I am one of those parents that is constantly in the midlle of this unfair war called summer holiday. Running around through the trenches of battling kids that are trying to fill their days with silly things.

For working parents the need to find temporary childcare during working hours is not just expensive but far from easy to organise as grandpa and grandma are fun for a few days but after that they are also boring. If you are so lucky that your childcare is well organised the kids will find other ways to get your attention by nagging that we are never doing anything fun. And for those that are in the luxury position that they can be at home there is the constant demand for something to do. And that is not easy to think up things that are not that expensive or even free as most budgets are limited


Now I am a firm believer in the great outdoors and the limitless amusement to be had from letting your imagination run wild. But with the best will in the world today’s youngsters are not the greatest at making the most of these open and, more importantly, free commodities. And to be fair parents, in a world which appears to have more potential for harm, are not that great at letting them.

Most families will also want to share at least one special treat over the summer, if not one a week, and that is far from cheap. For example take the cinema. After Christmas the summer is the key time when most family blockbusters are released but with new 3D technology, taking a family of four can cost almost €60. That’s a fair old dent in the household budget and one which few can afford.



In fact there are not many family friendly attractions – A bit of a funpark charges you approx. €25 per person and than you need something to eat and to drink during the day. although bravo to the smaller funparks as they have normal entrance fares like €7,50 per adult and half price for kids up to the age of 15. Also Qbuzz public transport service in my part of the country adults pay the full price of €6 and take two kids for free up to the age of 11 a great ride for a bit of promotion. At least some kind of helping hand is needed for those who will have been tearing their hair out two days after the summer term ended. And that’s no exaggeration.

Attending a summer fair on the weekend after the schools broke up I was chatting to two mums who were watching their collective brood, five between them, run among the stalls like wild animals before they are taking over the bouncy castle in what can only be described as a frenzied attack. The best example of those battlegrounds that I desribed earlier in this blog.



One looked to the other with that what I thought was an “ahh factor” face only for it to dissolve into clenched fear while she joked in an almost whisper: “Good job I have a stocked up on wine because something tells me I am going to need it over the next few weeks.” Hmmm....living the great outdoors live and being half pissed all the time.

I really doubt she was alone in having that thought at the beginning of the summer.

The new term – it’s definitely good news for some.

The Old Sailor,

The women of my past.

Dear Bloggers,

Today my mind just dozed off to the past times again and I was trying to memorize the girls that were in my life and made my heart bounce got butterflies in my stomach and eventually most of them broke it. It became a heart with many cracks and my road of love was quite bumpy. Strange enough I never found the answer why they actually left me. I did not have a lot of steady relationships, funny enough I do not have any pictures of the girls that I was with for a longer time. But I still remember the days that my heart broke and my ego got a dent. Until now I am still married to the same women that I call my wife......but is she still interrested in me. You see that I am still in doubt.

Are you still getting strange vibes from the girl that you are with? Or do you feel that she just doesn't seem to care anymore although she does not say it to you? Well there are certain things men do which make women lose interest in them with time. You see but the worst part about this whole deal is that you are getting dumped. Some women would just dump you when they start losing interest in you therefore it is very important to figure out when she's losing interest so that you can work on it and save yourself from getting dumped. Read on to discover these little known ways...



She doesn't laugh at your jokes anymore- Have you had this feeling that no matter how hard you try your jokes are simply not funny to her anymore even when they are funny to other girls? Well if this is the case than she is losing interest in you.

She says she'll call you but never calls- This is another way which proves that she is losing interest in you. You see she would intentionally or unintentionally not call you even when she said she would.

She is always busy all of a sudden- When she starts to lose interest in you she would start finding other things which do interest her. Under this situation she would cut back on the time you spend with her and would always appear busy.

She starts talking about other guys around you- Now this is the worst possible situation you can ever be in as she is not only losing interest in you she is looking for other interesting males and get rid of you.

I all based these on my own experiences. What you don't know yet. Have you as a male ever tried to wonder what's in a woman's mind? What is she thinking about? Do you know that women do not always mean what they say? They might say something and mean the exact opposite. But what do women actually want? Do you know there are some secrets women don't want men to know but men absolutely must know these secrets in order to succeed with women?



Take up this challenge men. You conform to a woman that you are really engrossed in. You have an awesome conversation with her, and she even assents to go out on a date with you. Lastly, it seems that your luck is changing in relation to your romantic life! So you're all pumped up about being with her, and you really want to ensure that you make a good notion. You do everything that you hear women saying that they want a guy to do for them.

You take her out to fantastic restaurants, you buy her things, you shower her with compliments and you practice impeccable manners such as: opening the door for her, being a good listener, returning calls, and even calling her every day to convey to her how much you enjoy having her in your life...In the beginning it might be right but do not forget to show your real self.

Why do Women Lose Interest?



Nice is Not Attractive

Woman's natural fascination instinct and how it is what unconsciously determines who she considers to be datable or just companions.

Remember that a woman's attraction instinct is genetically developed to cause her to gravitate towards a man who will meet up with her basic need for safety and security.

So why is she with him?

Given that he makes her feel safe, and that makes him attractive. This does not mean that women are drawn to men who are disrespectful and who mistreat them. But if it's between a nice, soft and sensitive guy and a rough, slightly bad boy... who do you think is going to make her feel safer? Who would you rather carry into battle with you? As counter intuitive as this might sound, it's significant to remember that a person's raw subconscious desires are often unthoughtful and many times completely contradictory to their conscious reasoning.



Just think about all the people who you know that wish to find a better job, lose weight, save money, flirt with women or go after some other goal but they just can't bring themselves to get started.This breakdown to take action is influenced by some kind of a subconscious passion for comfort or safety. After all, most people, both men and women alike, even choose comfort and safety over their own bliss.

This is a clear case of how a person's subconscious hopes drive their actions, while their "beliefs" and their utterances seem to be telling a thoroughly different story. Is it outset to become clear to you why women aren't enticed to "nice" guys, in spite of what they might be telling you?



I still find it hard to understand women. And I still struggle with the question: “why I got dumped” by these women I loved with all my heart. It also has my damaged my confidence quite a bit. And I had almost given up hope to ever start a relationship again, when I met my wife I was nearly five years single as I had totally given up on women.

A broken heart is one of the greatest cruelties that excists.

The Old Sailor,

A day on the lake

Dear Bloggers,


Last friday I had a day off and the neighbors of my inlaws asked if we would join them on a boat trip on the Frisian lakes and watch the final of Skûtsjesilen on the lake (Sneekermeer). Of course as an old sailor I said yes that would be great eventhough the weather forecast predicted rainshowers, my wife was panicking a bit as our youngest daughter should wear a lifejacket. I did not see any problem there as she has her swimming diploma A and the waters are quite shallow in this area.

A skûtsje (pronounced 'skootshuh') is a Frisian sailing boat of the tjalk type, originally an ordinary cargo boat, but today a prized ship and one of the icons of Frisia (Friesland, or Fryslân in Frisian). Skûtsjes were built from the 18th century until about 1930, 12 to 20 m long and on average 3.5 m wide, with a maximum of 4 m (based on the standard dimensions of Frisian bridges and locks).


Skûtsjesilen
Originally an old tradition between cargo skippers, skûtsjesilen has now become a sport. Every Summer the skûtsjes meet to race each other, and much store is set by winning, as the victor will be famous all over Fryslân. Many skûtsjes are supported by villages or municipalities (financially as well, for this is not a cheap hobby!) and sail for the honour of their home town.

The regatta season was opened this year, on one of the smaller Frisian lakes. More to find in Dutch on http://www.skutsjesilen.nl/ Eventhough it was not that gorgeous weather loads of rain and pretty strong wind gusts – during the contest some of the days had to be cancelled. Some were to windy others whitout any wind at all. The race on the Sneekermeer promised a good game as the winds were shifting all the time and a windforce 3 to 5 was there. Although some wished for stronger winds - a splendid time was what we had by all. Neighbor Klaas explained a lot about wind and how you should sail in thes circumstances to my oldest daughter. (she really learned a lot and found the game even more interesting than before.) His wife Jeltje served coffee, soup and breadrolls, we had a very relaxed day.


The Eurokotter 9.50 picture used from http://www.vofhelfferich.nl/

When we got on board, I felt as if I’m the only one chartering an unknown destination. (Yeah, right.) With the cool breeze enveloping me, I close my eyes, grip the sides of the boat and wish that the destination is worth all the troubles that I have at the moment anyway. It is hard for me to except that I am from now on a diabetic and that I should lead a regular life. It is hard to change your life without any stress as everything in your life is turned upside down. I try to enjoy the boat trip as much as I can and after half an hour I start to relax and enjoy the unpredicted beauty of todays weather, nature is gorgeous anyway and the water is pretty calm.

By the time the boat reaches the calm portion of the lake, I thought a smooth ride would finally start. But then the engine starts to power up. The skipper hands the wheel to one of the people that never sailed before and teaches them how to manouvre on the lake between the other boats and what the rules are. Even my wife took the wheel on the return journey and sailed us back into calmer waters. Not all of them are skilled skippers. I felt pretty scared as we ran pretty close to the shore and I had no influence on the steering skills as i was not the skipper, but the reminder to relax gave me an assurance that the situation is under control.



After few adjustments of the skipper, it finally got better. My fear dissipated and I went back to closing my eyes and gripping the side of the boat. A few minutes later, I got a cup of coffee and a good conversation with the skippers wife, now I was sitting comfortably. My eyes were widely open and my hands were loosely positioned at the sides. I started to enjoy the ride. We talked about the boat as it is a lovely little ship with plenty of space. Klaas and his companion are building these ships themselves as it is his daytime job. To give an impression have a look on their website Eurokotter.nl If I had the money I absolutely would have bought one. Maybe in the near future when we have sold our house and I would have a more steady job I can do this. I totally fell in love with the steady sailing and the spacious envirnment of this ship.

I tried to do what the others do; I opened my eyes and loosen up a bit, but my mind is playing games with me. Relaxing is hard work at the moment. Then I saw the beautiful clear line that divides the muddy brown and dark bluish color. I started seeing other boats of different sizes manned by brave men or women. I saw on the shore a few fishing man who caught a big fish, the numerous fans that man the shores to watch the final day of the competition, all the other boats that are anchorred that we are passing by and the crashing of waves against the shoreside.

After an hour of rolling with the waves, we were finally closing in on the spot were we should anchor. The skipper gave me instruction to hold on as he will drop the anchor his wife mans the wheel and I have the lookout position for the other boats at our stern. The skipper has a lot of knowledge about the grounds underneath the ship when he drops the anchor it only takes a few minutes to put the boat in position. As we are only layin on one anchor point the boat drifts around on the wind. When our neighbors behind us run a few metres of extra anchor chain we have nothing that is in our way. After the Skutsjesilen is done we have another cup of coffee and get ready to go on our home journey, after an hour we arrive in the harbour and lay the boat in it’s dock. We say goodbye and thank them for the wonderful trip and drive home. I had a splendid day out and my kids enjoyed the sailing as well.

The Old Sailor,

For what?

Dear Bloggers,

Today I will write about so called senseless violence, it is one of the items that kept my family busy after the horrible news from Norway on 22th of July. We wandered what happens to person that can get so violent without any regrets killing a large amount of people. The attacks on the Twin Towers in New York came out of nothing and without any pre warnings. Several years ago Meindert Tjoelker was kicked to death by a group of drunk guys only because he was telling them that heir behavior was inappropriate. There might be more cases but for me these are stuck in my memories as matters of senseless violence.

One of the problems with any reflection on absurd forms of violence in society is that these thoughts can never be, from a scientific point of view, truly interesting and technical. Before we know it, moral and political considerations and emotions sneak in and objective thought will be overruled by, for example, the indignation over the nature and amount of that violence. For if you start to think about violence, you will soon feel highly involved and at the same time completely powerless. Even if we should be inclined to choose violence in certain cases, when it comes from ourselves, when it is not the raw violence of nature and looks like reasonable action, it always turns out to be bigger and stronger in its consequences and its emotional implications than the one who unleashes violence or approves of it. Merely by thinking about it it is taken out of our own hands.

No matter what we think or how passionately we want to denounce violence as vulgar, immoral or inefficient, it will still occur time after time and we are never neutral bystanders, like when observing the behavior of chickens on a lawn or dogs in the street. Our words are filled with emotions and prejudices. Therefore, I want to restrict my reflection on to a couple of words, with which we appear to try and make sense of an occurrence on which we apparently, despite all of our pretenses, have as little influence as on the weather, but which fascinates us, either annoyingly or amusingly, in a much higher degree.



The quite recent combination of words “senseless violence” mostly seems to relate to something that we, if it did not sound as cynical, could call recreational violence, eventhough it happens in small groups that will kill an innocent guy by kicking him to death as he would try to stop them from demolishing a bicycle, or a large group called supporters which appears predominately around soccer-fields, in amusement halls with violent war games and in so-called action movies, hence on the fringes of social life. But how large, how infectious and how determining of our culture is the contribution of this type of violence as a spectacle in television shows and other forms of relaxation on which we spend a large part of our free time? (My wife is a big fan of these what I call “Murder and manslaughter tv series”.) Do I have an excorsist in the house?



The combination of words “senseless violence” seems to have been specifically invented to qualify this pointless violence as a derailment or at least a singular occurrence, in order to not too suddenly and quite radically, exclude the possibility of a human violence that might be called “sensible”. That not senseless, but efficiently and prudently used violence would be in our control from beginning to end, and a predictable and positive outcome could be expected: order, security, and peace.

Seen from this perspective, the expression “senseless violence” has to create a space for the belief that another, perhaps efficient, meaningful and permissible unleashing of violence might be possible. Taking the soccer game as an example again. There are complaints that some parents being so fanatic that they scare their own children as their fanatism will end up into an escalation of violence as an exercise in power by the lower less responsible persons and that can prevent that by slogans like “soccer is war” a spiral of spectacular, but meaningless recreational violence will start.



Along with more power, the means not only have to be greater in number, but also more effective, and they have to appear less like the force of an aimless explosion, the raw violence of a hurricane or the unrestrained behavior of a rowdy crowd. A government that does not have these available, is not superior and has no more say than any random club.

The result of violence is always characterized by a hail of unintended, incalculable and destructive side-effects sensible, unless of course we read the word “goal” as something military and war-like, “hit” as the destruction of this goal and “use” as the unleashing of every random force that we do not control. In this way, the guillotine could be regarded as an effective mean for relieving headaches, or pulling all teeth as an adequate means against biting nails. (there is a dark sense of humor needed here.)

Seeing a proof of superiority in this seems a bit shortsighted to me: it is rather a manifestation of impotence or inability to link adequate and carefully dosed means. At best we can say that in certain circumstances in a somewhat ritual way we have reserved the authority to exert this impotence or the threat thereof and necessitated ourselves to leave out the, in this context painful, qualification senseless. But the question is wether this is more than a mere verbal and ritual exercise that does not change a thing about the situation itself.

There seem to be at least two reasons why we speak in such hidden terms about all kinds of violence, including that of the government. One is that a start of violence or a display of superiority can cause a shock that may bring people to their senses. (Just think about what happened in Oslo and on Utoya or less recent the 9-11 attacks.)



If you, for example, want to quiet a boisterous crowd, you sometimes have to quickly produce a higher volume of sound than the bothersome murmur you intend to override. This will increase the total disorder, but still the expectation can be that silence will be its effect. There are reasons to believe in temporary violence and in the logic of something like a warning shot.

A second reason not to radically rule out every form of violence as a means has to lie in the fact that to this form of active performing there seems to be but one alternative, i.e. standing by powerlessly. But that alternative has to be rejected more forcefully according the measure in which the organization that would decline from performing it is ascribed greater power or authority.

And if you are supposed to have all capabilities, you will always be guilty when you stand by powerlessly. In an activist culture, one that for the greater part is a culture of violence disguised as sport, as expression, as display of power or as spectacle rather than a culture of peaceful technique and of adequate and subtle means, standing by powerlessly or even the acceptance of powerlessness is always regarded as reprehensible. In the phraseology of that culture it is always better to do something than to do nothing at all or, in military terms less familiar to me: it is better to miss or even obliterate the goal than not to shoot at all. This will inevitably lead to absurd situations.



Even if peace would be no more than the absence of war and violence (but how will we ever know?) and even if it has to be maintained by a power that keeps itself in the background, it would still be preferable as a form of civilization to the outbursts of barbaric violence which we have to witness, happening to our shame, time and time again and on all fronts.

I wish that there would be no more victims of senseless violence but this probably an impossible dream.

The Old Sailor,