The dream of my youth

Dear Bloggers,

I do probably dream a lot but most of the mornings that i wake up, I do not remember a single thing. Only sometimes I can recall the story of my dreams and they have the strangest subjects. This is one of these dreams that I had for a couple of days now and i wander why do I have this dream? Is it that I want to know what happened to people from my past or is there somewhere deep inside something left that should be questioned? I thought that I had finished this story many years ago when we broke up and went our own ways again. It is strange how the mind pops up these stories and my question is why does this occur so many years later? Am I still looking for answers from my youth or is there something hidden deeper. Is this the life that I imagined many years ago or what?

As we both have a job and work in different day shifts. We normally forget a few things when we do our shopping. As I am on my way already this morning my wife called me on my cellphone if I could drop by the supermarket and by some groceries for the evening meal and some bread rolls for lunch. And after the call I drive towards the supermarket to get the goodies. I rush (literally) with my little red car into the carpark at the supermarket. It is terribly busy and so I just curse when I must drive a second round to secure a spot. I throw my car around the corner, search along the more distant parking lots and see an empty spot in the corner near the supermarket as I see someone drive off, so thats good.

As I was heading off to that spot on my eye suddenly falls on the woman at the edge of the sidewalk waiting with her little daughter. A typicall Dutch female figure, a head full of curly brown hair, deep brown eyes, pale skin with a red blush ......... involuntarily squeezes of my stomach. "Oh my god, it’s Esther ..." I mutter softly to myself.

I park my car and I thank God on my knees this morning that I have decided for once to dress myself neatly on a Saturday In a long black shirt, dark black trousers and neat shoes to match as I walk towards the carts. I see her coming around the corner at the same time but I just rethink how small the chances are, that she would remember me and I climb over the fence for the carts so I can avoid her ..

How long wiould it be now, pfff think almost 28 years or so. Suddenly I see myself again in mind: Just 16 years old, I walk into the harbour area and its end of the season time for the fancy fair, the new backpack that my parents gave me is hanging around my shoulders. And there are my friends hanging out by the bumper cars together with some nice looking young ladies. I introduce myself to the girls and somehow this Esther girl is catching my eyes. I look at her and for the first time in my life I feel butterflies, wow ..." Hi Esther ......I am out of words for the first time in my entire life ... "Much more is gone from me, I am now vibrating and fire red. I drink my beer and head for the bar to get us some new beverages.......dry throats are dreadfull.

I have meanwhile grabbed my cart and turned around. There's really a look of recognition in Esther's eyes to see, so I greet friendly and walk by. My goodnes I am shy again, nothing changed.

Of the way to the eshentrance I think back on that period ....Of course it was obvious that I am in love with Esther I yoyally fall for her and there was a click between us. We could get along well together and the fair was always a good start fo a new relation because it had to happen. And that did it, we grew more and more towards each other and the end of this evening was my dream. We walked together through an open field and I pointed to the stars, "do you see that group of stars Esther? In the form of a saucepan? That's the big bear ... "She is leaning against me to point to the stars and I feel my body shiver as in a panic attack. I turned to her and looked her straight in her eyes. "Esther ..." my voice was hoarse, 'This really can not .. you're going to be my first real girlfriend ... after......"When my gaze fell I said softly," I am so scared to do this and then she said it was not a problem,,,,we are taking it easy ... that you are in doubt with me .. "" Yeah but it really can not ... and I really need more time to....."And so she took my heart and kissed me as never before. Our relationship was passionate and roughly edged. I really had some serious butterfly problems. We lost the love for each other after 6 months, the fire had died out slowly and we broke up with no hard feelings and that was that ... But forget her? No, never.....ever ..she had started me up again.

As I throw my stuff in the cart, I see that Esther, of course, took the same route as me. When I walk through the isles. Her cart is at a certain moment in my way and so she says softly as she looks at me, 'Sorry' and pulls the cart away.

I feel really confident and ridiculous at the same look at her and smiled, "Do not worry" 'Once at the vegetables I am no longer able to sustain and I am all blushing (bizar!!) She speaks to me," Hi Sailor, how are you? "Well the wild hairs are still there but I turn to graying," HEJ Esther, yes everything alright with you? "While I ask my question, I look at her as well: Yes she is also older now but still good looking and somehow she looks nervous. "Yes it is not to bad with me, my daughter and I have a small home for almost a year now," Again, I look at her smiling, "The little girl is approx 6 years or so," Now she smiles at me, "Yes the drum still beats "We look at each other, each too long, and the little girl calls us to order;" Mummy why are you doing so weird to that man ... " I totally shot into laughter, that wonderful honesty of children.

"Hey Esther I am sorry but I must go, my wife is sitting at home together with the kids and they are waiting for their lunch. It was nice to see you again and maybe we'll meet again here. At that moment "she gazes and says, 'Yes, I must go too. "We give each other a hug or something similair but then I turn around and walk away. First loves ... something that makes that these people are always special to you and so I walked around yesterday with a big, big smile. As I have never have forgotten her, and she never forgot me, for both of us it's a nice reminder of our youth. Yes it was great at that time but she left me then with a totally shattered heart and I still did not find all the pieces back yet.....

The Old Sailor,

The women of my past.

Dear Bloggers,

Today my mind just dozed off to the past times again and I was trying to memorize the girls that were in my life and made my heart bounce got butterflies in my stomach and eventually most of them broke it. It became a heart with many cracks and my road of love was quite bumpy. Strange enough I never found the answer why they actually left me. I did not have a lot of steady relationships, funny enough I do not have any pictures of the girls that I was with for a longer time. But I still remember the days that my heart broke and my ego got a dent. Until now I am still married to the same women that I call my wife......but is she still interrested in me. You see that I am still in doubt.

Are you still getting strange vibes from the girl that you are with? Or do you feel that she just doesn't seem to care anymore although she does not say it to you? Well there are certain things men do which make women lose interest in them with time. You see but the worst part about this whole deal is that you are getting dumped. Some women would just dump you when they start losing interest in you therefore it is very important to figure out when she's losing interest so that you can work on it and save yourself from getting dumped. Read on to discover these little known ways...



She doesn't laugh at your jokes anymore- Have you had this feeling that no matter how hard you try your jokes are simply not funny to her anymore even when they are funny to other girls? Well if this is the case than she is losing interest in you.

She says she'll call you but never calls- This is another way which proves that she is losing interest in you. You see she would intentionally or unintentionally not call you even when she said she would.

She is always busy all of a sudden- When she starts to lose interest in you she would start finding other things which do interest her. Under this situation she would cut back on the time you spend with her and would always appear busy.

She starts talking about other guys around you- Now this is the worst possible situation you can ever be in as she is not only losing interest in you she is looking for other interesting males and get rid of you.

I all based these on my own experiences. What you don't know yet. Have you as a male ever tried to wonder what's in a woman's mind? What is she thinking about? Do you know that women do not always mean what they say? They might say something and mean the exact opposite. But what do women actually want? Do you know there are some secrets women don't want men to know but men absolutely must know these secrets in order to succeed with women?



Take up this challenge men. You conform to a woman that you are really engrossed in. You have an awesome conversation with her, and she even assents to go out on a date with you. Lastly, it seems that your luck is changing in relation to your romantic life! So you're all pumped up about being with her, and you really want to ensure that you make a good notion. You do everything that you hear women saying that they want a guy to do for them.

You take her out to fantastic restaurants, you buy her things, you shower her with compliments and you practice impeccable manners such as: opening the door for her, being a good listener, returning calls, and even calling her every day to convey to her how much you enjoy having her in your life...In the beginning it might be right but do not forget to show your real self.

Why do Women Lose Interest?



Nice is Not Attractive

Woman's natural fascination instinct and how it is what unconsciously determines who she considers to be datable or just companions.

Remember that a woman's attraction instinct is genetically developed to cause her to gravitate towards a man who will meet up with her basic need for safety and security.

So why is she with him?

Given that he makes her feel safe, and that makes him attractive. This does not mean that women are drawn to men who are disrespectful and who mistreat them. But if it's between a nice, soft and sensitive guy and a rough, slightly bad boy... who do you think is going to make her feel safer? Who would you rather carry into battle with you? As counter intuitive as this might sound, it's significant to remember that a person's raw subconscious desires are often unthoughtful and many times completely contradictory to their conscious reasoning.



Just think about all the people who you know that wish to find a better job, lose weight, save money, flirt with women or go after some other goal but they just can't bring themselves to get started.This breakdown to take action is influenced by some kind of a subconscious passion for comfort or safety. After all, most people, both men and women alike, even choose comfort and safety over their own bliss.

This is a clear case of how a person's subconscious hopes drive their actions, while their "beliefs" and their utterances seem to be telling a thoroughly different story. Is it outset to become clear to you why women aren't enticed to "nice" guys, in spite of what they might be telling you?



I still find it hard to understand women. And I still struggle with the question: “why I got dumped” by these women I loved with all my heart. It also has my damaged my confidence quite a bit. And I had almost given up hope to ever start a relationship again, when I met my wife I was nearly five years single as I had totally given up on women.

A broken heart is one of the greatest cruelties that excists.

The Old Sailor,

Love gives you wings

Love gives you wings?

While I was sitting in the waiting room of the dentist I read a part of the following article, I was there with a terrible toothache and as a happy ending one of my moulders was extracted.


Love gives wings

The article I finished reading on the internet and it was published in Dutch in 2004 (that F**king old news) what you find by the dentist.



This is how the article starts:
‘It was beautiful weather about 13 degrees, wind in the back’, These things Nijboer remembers after he has beaten the record on the Dutch marathon. ‘Furthermore I just graduated and met my girlfriend who is now my wife. These kind of circumstances you can’t just create. But they are giving you wings.’ If you should believe all the writers of poëtic popsongs, is Nijboer not the only one, who is struck by love and all other things seem to go better in life. Bryan Adams (When the feeling’s right, I can run all night) until Whitney Houston, from The Olsen Brothers until Chris Norman, the wings of love should by many of us sweep us up to severe hights. Is love giving us wings ? And how are these wings working?



About the deepest functions of love and falling in love can higher educated people have total different opinions. For many of them it is clear: In the end – Think about Darwins opinion – the love is only there to keep the species a life. ‘Being in love is hanging strongly together with sexual desire’, says Cas Wouters, professor sociology from the University Utrecht. Being head over heals is in this approach of love the engine that turns the sexual behavior on, with as a result reproduction of the species. Others see for love a roll of freedom in it. The romantic love, has according to them, in the biggest part of history love was playing a secondary roll in life. Especially when it came to reproduction ‘The strong combination between love and reproduction of the species is only about a century old’, says seksuoligist and psychotherapist Carolien Roodvoets, author of "Nu alleen de liefde nog", (Now only the love still) a selfhelpbook for single females above thirty years of age.

Melting together with a partner
‘In the prehistoric times women were just in between fertilized, as dogs and horses do it just happens’, says Roodvoets. Marriages, she analysed, were not there because of love, but more for the sake of economic interests or power proportions. ‘The love has maybe always been there but it was never the switch to be hit for sex.’ But , it was there in the interest of reproduction, the need for love can be as strong as the need for food or sleep, believes also Roodvoets. ‘Every human being suffers of existentiël lonelyness’, she thinks. ‘the love can ease the pain a bit.’

It sounds like the Eros-mythe of Aristophanes, were Plato wrote about. The prehistoric human has united according to this story both genders. But when they threatened the gods because they thought they were surpreme, Zeus cut the human beings into two. Since then we are all looking for our better half. ‘The desire to melt together with their partner, is the heart of love’, thinks Roodvoets. The question is: does it get us to greater hights?



Who goes looking for the hard proof about stimulating side effects of the human falling in love, will not find much, barely nothing: poëts, philosphers en romantics, and in a lesser way also the alfa- en gammascientists have all told their tales, but in the exact, biomedical science the subject is not really worked out. Although this is not that surprizing: Being in love is a distinctive function that can be very difficult to test on guinnee pigs. And with living humans it is tricky to experiment, if they are being in love or not. Also because pharmaceutic companies are not looking yet for a “fall in love pill”, therefore we are missing money and motivation for a large scaled investigation in this field.

Theoretics about love
Still there is a lack of theoretics about the biochemical ground of the loving feeling, and the effects that they are having on our functioning around it. The most popular theory is speaking about having any doubt and calls it ‘the molecule of love’, also known as phenylethylamine, a small amfetamine kind of molecuul that de brain can make herself.

According to the followers of this theory is phenylethylamine forming(in English shorted to PEA) the first and central link in a finetuned network of signals who are steering the body when it is heavily in love. A shot PEA in the brain would be the starting signal for making the hormones like dopamine, adrenaline en noradrenaline, all with their own stimulating and braking effects.

Dopamine, for example, is a brain hormone that is closely involved by pleasurable and even euforic feelings, due to the fact that stimulating side of it has effect on the ‘rewarding centre’ of the brain.- this centre plays a big role by addicted persons. That dopamine can influence sexual behavior comes out when Parkinson disease patients are getting short of dopamine and this is filled in with dopamine from outside: the sexual drive and desire can strongly rise after the insertion of dopamine.

Adrenaline in the centre?
In the centre of the boosting workout of being ‘head over heals’ it could be formed by the hormone adrenaline. This hormone prepares – not only by being in love, but also by fear- the muscles in the body for action, if needed the body can preform optimal. The vains are getting narrow, de heartfrequence and the bloodpressure are rising, the congestion is running on low and the sences and the brain are being on extra alert – all ready to get in action fast and sharp when ever needed.

The discovery of small amounts of PEA in cacao and chocolate gave these populair theory the last few years the extra fuel. On several internetsites you can read that PEA declares why some persons after a disappointment in love fully get in the grip of chocolate bars – all to get enough of this stuff into the brain, although it is clear that PEA already in the bowels is dismantled and due to that – unfortunately – never will reach the brain.

In reality, says endocrinologist Focko Rommerts from the Erasmus University Rotterdam, en theorys like this have to be taken not to serious. About the central rol of PEA by love is as a matter of the fact less known than that they all say or write, he explains. ‘After the first articles published about this subject has everybody made his own opinion about the substance. The reality is that we not know that much about the hormonal changes during the time that we are falling in love.’

Matter of hormones
Our body make continiusly dozens of hormones, declares Rommerts, which anyway all react on eachother. It is not that easy to pinpoint the hormone which is responsible for what it is exactly doing. An extra complicated factor is that many hormones on different places in the body give total different effects. ‘In the vains fishing for elements in the hope to discover how love is working, is as hopeless as looking through the garbage of a restaurant to find out what yesterdays guests had for diner’, this is how Rommerts recapitulates the problem for endocrinologists. Probably it will be proven, he presumpts, that many of the hormones playing one roll at the same time, ‘because if it was only one, we had closed this case a long time ago.’

A few years ago the young Swiss neurobiologist Andreas Bartels, then still a doctoral student in London, but in the meantime working at the Max Planck-institute for Biological Cybernetics in the German city of Tübingen, was turning it another way around. He decided to find out about the biological secret behind the love by taking a different route, a kind of following the tracks. Together with his professor, Semir Zeki ,Bartels traced volunteers that, after their own telling, were really insanely “head over heals about someone”.Out of seventy people that reacted were seventeen selected by the doctoral student as test persons, average age was 23 years old. The ones that were chosen had during the interview been ‘dripping in’ loving feelings.

The chosen turtle doves were placed in a machine that with the help of magnetic waves every few seconds was making pictures of their brain. Half of the experiment was that they looked at a friends picture, nothing special. But the other half was melting away by looking at the laughing faced picture of the love of their life.

Activated braincentres
After measuring the two scientists deducted the two series from eachother and reconstructed it as one average set of brains. The result was a functional magnetic resonance image (fMRI), a picture that shows in one flash of the eye, which parts of the brain are using relative a lot of oxygen and which ones use just a little oxygen on the moment that the picture was shown of the one they where head over heals with.

The brains section that lighted up, tells Bartels, are centres that are also being involved by other positive emotions, and are being part of the already named rewarding centre. Other braincentres, involved by negative feelings and social disapproving, seemed to be on non active when they looked at the picture of their love – who said that love does not make you blind?



The activated centres, Bartels remarkably finds out that they, have nerve cells where we know from that they are very sensitive for two hormones: oxitocine en vasopressine. Both of them are in the last few years, especially in experiments with mice, being brought in connection more often with the drive to strong social matingbonds that will be formed, like the bond between the mother and the newborn child of the bond between two adult animals.

Love as encouragement
Here brings the brain explorer the falling in love investigation through a couple of spectacular brainpictures us back to the hormones – although they are not looking like anything anymore that gave the physical encouragement to Nijboer that brought him to his record time.

That love gives wings, can still not be measured and be based on biological hard evidence: For the excistance of stimulating physiological effects of being in love there is no hard evidence. But that doesn’t mean that the loving feeling on the psycholgical field can not be a form of aroussel – and that especially when this is being answerred.

‘Love is affirmative’, says Roodvoets. ‘It reinforces your self esteem through the fact that your partner gives you the feeling that you belong to him or her. That you are being the number one. The joy about this works as a pink cloud. You can tone down the things better, you can enjoy yourself on things as a romantic diner or good night of making love. The feeling that someone is there for you, and special the promise of getting mor of all these beatiful things, makes that everything goes a bit easier then normal.’A rotten day at work? What the …. Does it make any difference. More important is where you want to go for diner tonight.’

Who gets butterflies in his stomach, should drink a lot to drown the bastards, before they do any real harm.



The Old Sailor,