Nature is beautiful and it is not on your cellphone

 

 

Dear Bloggers,

 

Today driving the commuter bus through the beautiful country sides of Groningen and Drenthe both districts have lovely roads that are surrounded by nature. I saw a squirrel on the bicycle lane and a young female deer that just crossed the road and all my passengers simply missed this as they were to busy with their phones.

As we become more and more detached from nature, we start to realize how much we depend on it. Nature is our primal home, our roots, and our remedy to heal our soul. In search of valuable lessons in life, we ask for wisdom, experience, knowledge, and intuition. And who’s been around in this world longer than mother nature? Everything comes from the Earth and goes back to it.

Thinking about the fascinating effects nature has on our mind and body, I’ve decided to reflect on what lessons nature can teach us. 

Nature is flexible and resilient. Flora and fauna tend to adapt to the conditions they’re in. For example, take something as fragile as a leaf. Its flexibility is what helps it endure. If there’s a lot of sun in the area, the leaves of a particular plant will be smaller, thicker, and will change their pigmentation. Leaves growing in the shade, on the other hand, will be larger, greener, and thinner, so they could absorb more sunlight. Flexibility and adaptability are two things all life has in common–plants and animals alike. Water lilies are aquatic plants that mostly feed on water nutrients, but they get the necessary amount of sunlight by stretching out their leaves to the surface of the water. Saguaro cactuses can stand to go for months without a drop of water in the desert. Flexibility and fluidity are what makes us strong. The ability to adapt quickly and take what’s best for us is an important ability.

 

Nature knows what’s good for her. In the world of nature, everything revolves around self-preservation and reproduction. Plants need sunlight, soil, and water to survive, while animals strive to feed themselves and their young. These processes help preserve the ideal balance in their habitats. Thanks to its cycles, nature succeeds at balancing its constructive and destructive tendencies. As humans, we have a strong potential to be constructive. We are creative, able to connect   with each other, and live through life-changing experiences. We can become fused with nature. We can also enjoy our solitude. But, sometimes, our destructive side can dominate within us, and we might engage in things that are harmful to us or our environment.

By listening to our intuition, developing a growth mindset, and doing the inner work, we will be able to understand our intentions, values, and purpose better, recognize and respond to our emotions adequately, and maintain a balanced life.

 

Nature is ever-changing. As the daily, monthly, and yearly cycles change, everything in nature changes, too. Leaves change their color, flowers turn into fruits, some animals sleep throughout the whole winter, and when they wake up, it’s spring again. Time for a new beginning. We, on the other hand, cling to things. We want to eat fresh tomatoes and lettuce in wintertime. We want to stay young forever. The fact that we’ve evolved to this level of self-awareness is both a blessing and a curse.

It’s a blessing because we are able to experience so much, have fun, and change the world by our ideas, but it’s a curse because, at the end of the day, that’s what makes us aware of our own mortality. We can find it difficult to embrace change even when we deeply desire it because change reminds us that everything is transient. What we need to learn is that that is a good thing. Accepting change makes us more adaptable, and that sets us free.

Nature is never in a rush. Nature never hurries, and yet, everything is accomplished sooner or later. When you spend time in nature, by the sea, in the forest, or in the desert, you’ll notice nothing really happens in a rush. On the other hand, human beings are always in a hurry. We overload ourselves with work that we can’t fit into 24 hours and then we get stressed out. Stop for a moment. Breathe. Disconnect in order to reconnect with yourself. Set your priorities and change your life’s tempo.

In nature, everything has a purpose. Humans tend to value nature and things in general by the level to which they help their own survival. This kind of fixed, self-serving attitude is how we’ve managed to endanger so many species that are crucial for the survival of a healthy ecosystem (like bees, for example). If we observe nature more closely, we’d come to realize that everything in it has a purpose. Every single movement is geared towards preserving the homeostasis within the system. Some animals feed on other animals, but they never eat every potential prey. This has the purpose of maintaining a balanced habitat and ecosystem.

Humans sometimes spend their entire lives trying to find their purpose in life. We think that it must be something very deep and difficult to comprehend, so we often focus on the wrong things, like thinking that work and career are everything and that our purpose can only be accomplished if we succeed professionally.

 What we often forget is that there is so much more to life. We can sometimes seemingly do nothing, like lying on the grass gazing at the stars, or chilling by a lake on a hot summer day, and this can suddenly give us a sense of meaning and purpose. How? Because our purpose hides in things that are closer or inherent to our nature: connection to other beings and nature, creating and executing ideas, helping others find their happiness, and genuinely enjoying life.

 

What goes around, comes around. In nature, everything circles back to where it came from. All the actions have their natural consequences. If you know how the system works, it’s not too difficult to figure out what the right thing to do is. This is something we often forget in life. We can’t just do whatever we want. For example, living a careless life in which we don’t care about our environment has to backfire sooner or later. Irresponsible consumption, lack of care for our personal environment, and lack of sustainability consciousness and sustainability practices in many industries have led to the environmental changes we are facing today. The principle of endless circulating of energy applies to everything. Whatever we do, positive or negative, it will eventually come back at us. People who are genuinely happy and satisfied with their life are the ones who change this world, by empowering and supporting other human beings find their meaning and joy.

An ocean is a sum of water particles. We often feel alone in this world. This can make us anxious, lost, and disconnected from our purpose in life. In nature, every individual thing is a part of a larger system. An ocean is a sum of the many waterdrops, and each drop is equally important in making an ocean what it is. Humans are no different. After all, we, too, are nature. Each and every one of us has a role in this Universe, no one is “a surplus.”

Nature is collaborative. More often than not, surviving in nature means collaborating with other members of the same species or even with other species. It’s not survival of the fittest–it’s survival of the most adaptable. Humans sometimes forget about the importance of working in groups. Our current society teaches us mostly about the values of individual success. So many people want to be the best, the number one, the game-changers. Many of us fear blending in with the crowd, so we want to stand out, be seen, and be remembered.

Spending time in nature makes us better humans. It helps us relax, disconnect, and discover the depth of life. Nature is also an incredible and wise teacher. Unless the human factor changes the balance of a certain natural habitat, in nature, everything functions flawlessly and in perfect harmony.

All elements of nature are resilient in their flexibility; they’re intuitive; they take their time; they have a purpose. There are so many useful takeaways from our primary home–nature. It’s the matter of paying attention and acknowledging those lessons that nature teaches us.

 

The Old Sailor.

 

Old Sailor's and old traditions

 Dear Bloggers,

 

I am not a very superstitious guy, but some old traditions are still very alive on many new ships and somethings have surprised me. In my early years of sailing, I did not know much about these old habits the only thing that I knew was that were laying a coin in the keel for good luck and that new ships are christened with a bottle of champagne.

Traditions dating to seafarer days centuries ago to bring good luck remain alive and well with coins for "divine protection," godmother blessings for new ships, no whistling in the wheelhouse and spilled rum for Neptune. And for good measure, step aboard the ship with your right foot first.

Mariners tend to be superstitious. They do not like to rock the boat, so to speak.

So even in the 21st century, with modern cruise ships sailing guests around the world in extraordinary comfort and guided with the latest in navigational equipment, some traditions linger, dating back to rugged early seafarer days.

Some Captains when they enter a brand-new vessel, said one of the first things he looks for on a ship is a certain bottle of water. "When a ship starts to float, the water that first touches the ship is caught in a bottle and it's sealed. Later it is typically displayed in the captain's office near the bridge. You walk in and think, 'Ah, there's the bottle. Everything is good,'" the captain explained. "If I would walk on a ship and it's not there, I would find that odd."

The captain gets the bottle when the ship has been launched and goes from the shipbuilder to the company – during a traditional handover ceremony attended by all the hot shots.

Other construction milestones are also celebrated with pomp and circumstance based on time-honored maritime tradition.

A steel-cutting ceremony signals the start of a cruise ship's production. A keel-laying ceremony marks the first completed section being lowered by giant cranes onto the building dock. The float-out ceremony takes place when a ship first touches water.

Good luck coins are often involved. For instance, two commemorative gold coins were welded in place to mark the float-out soon afterward of ultra-luxury brand Seabourn's 600-passenger Seabourn Encore. The coin tradition dates to Roman times when coins were attached to a ship to provide "divine protection." On modern ships they are typically on display on the radar mast. Next time you are aboard a ship, head up to the top deck to try and spot the coin or coins.

The most popular present day maritime ritual, developed in the 20th century, is having a notable godmother say a blessing and oversee the smashing of a bottle of champagne across a new ship's hull. The tradition dates to ancient times when wine was used and men did the duties and perhaps, it is said, spilled the wine on purpose to check for cracks in the hull.

When the Koningsdam was christened in Rotterdam on May 20, a Holland America Line tradition was upheld – the Pinnacle-class ship was the 12th in the 143-year-old line's history to be launched with the participation of Dutch royalty. Her Majesty Queen Máxima of the Netherlands did the honors.

Specific ships have their own traditions. For instance, there may be a bridge mascot.

Always positioned on the starboard side of the bridge on Holland America Line's 1,432-passenger Volendam is Flat Eric, the yellow puppet who starred in Levi's jeans commercials (directed by French musician Mr. Oizo) in 1999, the year the ship debuted. Officers presented the puppet, which they call "Oizo," with a 15-year service award in 2014.

A tradition unique to Cunard's Queen Mary 2 ocean liner is for officers to "mark" the distance of a transatlantic crossing between Southampton, England, and New York with a toy ship that sits on top of a monitor on the bridge. Each day, it is moved a bit further to symbolically coincide with how much distance has been sailed.

Based on longstanding tradition, the crew bar on Cunard ships is always called "The Pig and Whistle," named after the nearest pub to where Cunard ships historically docked in Liverpool.

Other traditions on ships of the venerable Cunard Line include calling the back-of-the-house crew thoroughfare the "Burma Road." On Carnival Cruise Line and Holland America Line ships, the long crew passageway is known as "I-95," in tribute to the highway that passes through Carnival Corporation's home base of Miami.

Other nautical superstitions are more universally embraced. Here are a few examples:

It's considered bad luck to step onboard a ship with your left foot first.

If dolphins follow your ship, it's a sign of good luck.

There is no whistling in the wheelhouse (today's bridge), because you might whistle up a storm.

Toasting with champagne will assure a Bon Voyage.

On world cruises, trans-Pacific voyages, and South America sailings, such as those of Princess Cruises, a favorite maritime tradition is a ceremony for guests as the ship crosses the equator. Originally a hazing ritual for sailors, Pollywogs (newbies) are summoned by King Neptune and his court and ordered to do things such as crawl, kiss a fish or jump into the pool before being able to claim status as experienced Shellbacks.

Never worry if you spill wine overboard at your ship's Sail Away party as it brings good luck – considered an offering to the gods. According to tradition, Neptune also does not mind an occasional shot of rum.

Red sunrise

Sailors are taught if the sunrise is red to take warning. The day ahead will be dangerous.

"Red Sky at night, Sailor’s delight; Red Sky in the morning, Sailors take warning." It may also be said as; "Red at morning, Sailor’s warning; Red at night, Sailors delight," or "Red sky at night, Sailor's delight; Red sky at morn, Sailor be warned."

This saying actually has some scientific validity, although it assumes storms systems will approach from the west and is therefore generally correct only at mid-latitudes where, due to the rotation of the Earth, prevailing winds travel west to east. If the morning skies are red, it is because clear skies over the horizon to the east permit the sun to light the undersides of moisture-bearing clouds. Conversely, to see red clouds in the evening, sunlight must have a clear path from the west, so therefore the prevailing westerly wind must be bringing clear skies. This means if there is a red sky, Sun, or clouds at morning, it might mean there will be a storm, or severe winds will come. Although, if there is a red sky, Sun, or clouds at night, there will be clear skies, soft or no winds, and you have a good day ahead of you.

Albatross

The Albatross as a superstitious relic is referenced in Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s well-known poem The Rime of the Ancient Mariner. It is considered very unlucky to kill an albatross; in Coleridge's poem, the narrator killed the bird, and his fellow sailors eventually force him to wear the dead bird around his neck.

Bananas

Having bananas on a ship, especially on a private boat or fishing yacht, is considered bad luck. The origin of the superstition is unknown.

Sailors have had several patron saints. According to his hagiography Saint Nicholas calmed a storm by prayer. In the Dutch tradition he still travels on a ship.

Brendan the Navigator is also considered a patron saint of sailors and navigators, due to his mythical voyage to St. Brendan’s Island. Erasmus of Formiae, also known as Saint Elmo, may have become the patron of sailors because he is said to have continued preaching even after a thunderbolt struck the ground beside him. This prompted sailors, who were in danger from sudden storms and lightning, to claim his prayers. The electrical discharges at the mastheads of ships were read as a sign of his protection and came to be called “Saint Elmo’s Fire”. Thus, Saint Elmo's Fire was generally good luck in traditional sailor's lore, but because it is a sign of electricity in the air and interferes with Compass readings, sailors sometimes regarded it as an omen of bad luck and stormy weather. The mariner cross, also referred to as St. Clement's Cross, is worn by many sailors to bring blessings.

Sailor tattoos

Sailor tattoos are a visual way to preserve the culture of the maritime superstitions. Sailors believed that certain symbols and talismans would help them in facing certain events in life; they thought that those symbols would attract good luck or bad luck in the worst of the cases:

Sailors, at the constant mercy of the elements, often feel the need for religious images on their bodies to appease the angry powers that caused storms and drowning far from home.

Another example of superstitions is the North Star (nautical star or compass rose) sailors had the belief that by wearing this symbol it would help them to find his or her way home. Sailors designed mariner motifs of their own, according to their travel experiences in the ocean.

The anchor is commonly used in sailor tattoos, which were supposed to prevent a sailor from floating away from the ship, should he fall overboard. The words 'HOLD FAST' tattooed on the knuckles would prevent a sailor from falling from aloft.

In an awkward position

The phrase over a barrel; meaning to be in a dilemma or in "a weak or difficult position", may refer to the first aid practice amongst sailors of placing a drowning  victim's head over a barrel, and rolling his body over it, in an attempt to remove aspirated water from the person's lungs. However, this etymology is challenged, and may come instead from the custom of punishing a prisoner by flogging or paddling him while he is strapped to a barrel; there is no documentary evidence it was actually used specifically as a nautical phrase. Either way, the image created in the mind is that of total helplessness and loss of control, which is a common anxiety of sailors in fear of corporal punishment.

 

The Old Sailor,

 

Heatwaves got a grip on parts of Europe during the month of June

 

Dear Bloggers,

As the Earth warms, heatwaves are expected to occur more often, with sharper intensity and for longer periods. Rising temperatures adversely affect worker productivity and human health, but for policymakers to take substantive action for heat adaptation, making an economic case is key.

 

The Netherlands was suffering from its first summer heatwave with the national weather service was declaring a red alert on Monday for large parts of the provinces of Zeeland, Noord Brabant and Limburg in the south of the country.

 

The area reached 33 degrees Celsius in the shade in the late afternoon. In some places the temperature was approaching 35 degrees by midday.

Other regions in our country also felt the heat, with my hometown Sneek cooling down to 22 or 23 degrees at night.

Few people were seen on the streets, while many tried to cool off with fans, umbrellas or water bottles in the strong sunshine, with more than 30 degrees in the shade.

The daily maximum temperature of 37 degrees, as announced by the weather forecasts, was to be reached between 3 pm and 6 pm central European time in the city of Amsterdam.

 

"You can really only go out these days after dark, from 10 pm onwards. And even then you're still sweating," the bars and nightclub owner told me.

"I'm only outside because the fridge is empty and I mainly need beer." A random neighbor told me. But in the supermarket, he said, it was "nice and cool."

Temperatures are expected to drop slightly from Thursday after peaking on Monday, but the heatwave will not noticeably subside until next Thursday.

Meanwhile, the maximum temperatures of 32 or 33 degrees will drop after a bit of rain and thunder. People with mental health issues are facing a lot of challenges when it comes to hot weather. I have trouble dealing with the heat and as diabetic it is not easy to keep hydrated and keep the levels regular. For persons with mental health issues it is not easy as well as they sometimes don’t realize the power of the heat and they forget to cool themselves down.

The reasons why mental health patients are more vulnerable during periods of extreme heat are only just beginning to be explored. During heat waves, night-time temperatures are also elevated, leading to poor sleep which might contribute to mental stress.

Those that are taking medication to treat their illnesses are even more vulnerable to extreme heat. Lithium, used to treat bipolar disorder, can become toxic when patients are dehydrated. Tricyclic antidepressants can cause excess perspiration, leading to dangerous levels of dehydration. And clozapine, a powerful antipsychotic used to control schizophrenia, is anticholinergic, meaning that among other effects it reduces or stops sweating, the body’s most important defense against overheating. “This population is the most impaired, but then they’re taking the most high-risk medication that can further worsen their condition and their ability to thermoregulate.

That doesn’t mean patients should stop taking the drugs during heat waves, says our psychiatrist: “These are absolutely necessary, lifesaving medications that improve quality of life among people with disorders.”

That means alerting the entire gamut of social services to risk of heat waves on clients suffering from mental health disorders. “Knowing that there are going to be periodic heat waves, [psychiatrists and psychologists] have to actively engage with our patients by educating them about behavioral ways they can protect themselves,” through adequate hydration, appropriate clothing, and suitable shelter. For the most vulnerable—those with severe mental illness—“we need to engage local organizations and people who are from the community who have established relationships ahead of time to be able to go in and find Mr. Jones (fictive name), who we know is vulnerable because of mental illness.”

Now that heat wave season is upon us, I would suggest that care takers should be setting up a climate-focused group therapy. “It gives patients an opportunity to talk about this issue openly so that they’re more aware and know what to do. And if they feel more irritable or psychotic, they can think for themselves, ‘Oh, maybe the climate is affecting my health.’” 

Climate change is a health threat. But unlike floods, heat waves are predictable, which means deaths from heat waves should not be.

Stay cool and relax during the heat.

The Old Sailor,

 

 

 

 

 

 

The infamous benefits affair of the Dutch tax office

 

Dear Bloggers,

 

Let me tell shortly that many years ago we brought our kids to childcare center and before we had a childcare mother before they had to go to school and sometimes after schooltime they went there as well. At these days our lives were running smoothly I was a sailor on passenger vessels and my wife worked for one of the gas and electricity company and later on for the phone c company. We earned enough to live on and we got support of the tax office for the child care part. Unfortunately they f*#ked up big time and we had to pay back all of the so called support. It turned my stomach upside down when I saw the numbers on the bill. I phoned them If we could agree on a payback schedule and man they were though. We lost all our savings and we had to sell the car to fulfill their needs. I could lucky enough agree on a down payment for the rest so we at least kept a roof over our head and could feed our kids

 

"Just go to your room for a minute, sweetie," I told our youngest daughter as I briefly rub my 10 -year-old daughter's back. "Why?", the girl asks. "Because Daddy is going to tell things that were pretty annoying to us. Or do you want to sit in?" She shakes her head, no, it's old news to her in the years that have gone by she became a young lady who is 19 now. And she has homework to do. Otherwise,  it’s quiet in the house: the oldest daughter is at that point in life that she is living together with her boyfriend and had some therapy. Our oldest, is going on a study to go and work in childcare. "She lives just a block away and she is trying to getting away from it all and build her own life.”

 Our daughter who is now nearly 24 who had to deal with a lot of our problems and learned a lot about the real world and that the tax office is able to send you down on poverty. "I thought I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone about it," she tells. I can only be proud and smile. "Brave kid I have, huh," says a proud dad "Telling all bailiffs and creditors of all these companies that they had to call back or come back when her dad was home. That is something what we kept hidden for years. I'm so proud." I put two glasses of tea on the table and sit down, let's have that conversation about those unpleasant times. "Every time I talk about it, the chaos in my head gets a little more ordered, it feels a little lighter. And it has to, it has to get lighter." We are one of thousands affected by the now infamous benefits affair of the Dutch Tax office. Me and my wife and  two daughters have "stumbled into the financial abyss," as she calls it, and the family still hasn't quite clambered out of it. "People see this house, with furniture, a car out front, and they think: they have it good. We have it better now than we did then, but we're still in debt. You can't always see poverty on the outside. I would love to shout from the rooftops what happened. And at the same time, I don't know if I can find the words. Only now, more than fifteen years later, do I realize all that has happened. Then right after that I think: I just don't believe it. I can't believe this happened to us."

 

We are writing 2014, I am 46, just being a father of two girls one is fifteen and the other is ten. We got married, seventeen years ago and we were moving into our new house in Lippenhuizen, Since we both work, we did need childcare. Part time. So my wife tells me to apply for childcare allowance at the Tax Office. Not much later, she is on sick leave as she has been mentally destroyed by a manager who tries to get rid of people who are standing in his way. After two years she loses her job because the company she works for wants to end her contract as doesn’t recover soon from her CPTSD. She is not able to take care of anything and leaves us with the administration of our family, so we want to stop the allowance. Then follows a message from the Tax Office: 'The amount to the daycare has already been paid out.' 'But I'm no longer at that daycare, my child hasn't been there,' is my defense. They don't care about that at the Tax Office, because we eventually had to pay back three thousand euros over that same year. I just had no idea how. "In retrospect, all the bells should have rung, we should have done everything at the time to resolve it. But I was not the best bookkeeper that you can find and together with my daughter we tried to pay all the bills and debts and we made several phone calls explaining our situation hard, in the mean time I had to fight for my job, getting a lot of understanding from my boss but getting rejection after rejection, from the Tax office to get a solution to pay everything back. And they were pretty stubborn. Luckily we could close payment deals with other companies and we were in the middle of my daughters exams. We got life slowly back on the move. It was total chaos."

 

From the stress, my wife gains more than 10 pounds, due to the medication the medication made her life bearable . "I used to learn from my own father: make sure son that you can keep your own pants up. I thought that was SO important." I was retraining and working for the bus company on a temps office contract. Now things should work out, at least that was what I was thinking. But it doesn't work out, because in order to work, my wife she needs care and our youngest needs childcare. We were also duped by the new care, things have been changed in the tax system and the shelter gets the money straight away, All of a sudden we received the bills and reminders. Desperate and in slightly panic, I also wonder: have I been too naive? "At bad moments I almost break down from feeling stupid," did I make the same mistakes again?

 

I probably could write a book about it, but in a nutshell: the financial misery is increasing, as the debt is now several thousand euros. "And then we did something we should never have done. We took out a loan to pay off the debts. We thought we would be able to hold out for a while." As I say that, our second daughter walks in, along with Mom. She goes upstairs as she doesn’t want to interrupt while I am writing this story and my wife plops down on the couch: "Another long day ahead of us." "But not as long as it used to be," I complement her, and for a moment our gazes cross. We can remember it well: how she worked day shifts, and I worked late and night shifts, how we have struggled in their off hours and weekends. "If I had to do it again, I would probably fall over. We barely saw each other, the guilt and debts grew, we stuck our heads out and my wife’s mom and dad lend us several thousand euros which we paid back with every penny we could miss. At least we did not stick our heads in the sand. What else could we do?" We didn't really talk about it. Not with each other, no time for that, and my wife could not follow this anymore as she was mentally destroyed and had enough to just get through the day. 

And no we did not talk about it  with others, too much shame. And it feels like failure to me. In my family, you don't hang out the dirty laundry. "And we had two kids that needed clothes and they had to get their stomachs full, because we were poor it did mean to ask the kids to help out sometimes but we luckily never ended up in a marriage crisis." At a certain moment we closed our doors more and more. "Only her mother and other relatives we still allowed here. She knew about it and helped without naming it. Then my mother in law she'd say, 'Come on Jacob, put on your coat, take the kids and we'll go to the Aldi and you fill up the shopping cart with whatever you want and what the kids like. I'll pay for it.'"

 

The mail became more imperative, "In the name of the king," it would say. And: 'Restraining order. Bailiffs followed. "We taught the children: when the doorbell rings, act very carefully, they must not enter our home. So our kids went to the door when the bell rang. Even when bailiffs rang the bell." My daughters told them to come back an other time. They couldn’t do anything as our daughter was a minor and my wife was very ill and could not talk to them.  She was bullied, at school, she only told us that in a later stage. Just like that she only told us as well later, "I was hungry pretty often. "That's what kids do. Who see: mom and dad are struggling, they spare them. Children have a thunderous sense of when something is going on." An empty refrigerator, second-hand clothes and, at one point, no longer than five minutes showers. "As a parent, you pretend everything is normal. I made fun of everything."

 

There were agencies demanding money, but no agencies were offering help. "The school didn't come here, they immediately called in community service. Terrible times, just trying to remember?" Says my wife and she nods, "You were checking every day before school to make sure they didn't have holes in their clothes, putting those lunchboxes as full as possible so no one got suspicious." One time our youngest had a hole in her shoe and she told her teacher that we did not have enough money to buy new ones for her. "The next day the teacher got her some shoes to keep her feet warm." Me: "I felt so embarrassed and empty and felt I had totally failed as a father." Debts had now gone up to our top all because of the loan, fines, unpaid bills. The pressure on our relationship was also mounting and no I am not a quitter so it was not going to result in a divorce. We sold our house and moved to a smaller house, we took the money that we earned out to pay off debts the house we bought back was needing a lot of work to be updated and so we wanted to get a higher mortgage only the bank would not give any credits so we had to get a loan again. We are in the middle of the process with the Tax office to get this fixed so we can live a happier life.

 

Our (s)old house 

We are now applying for help at the council as our children missed a lot due to all of this and through a social worker there might be some money for a new bike and school stuff for the children. "It was the first social worker who cared about us and applied for a fund.".

The children's rooms may have been furnished, but we sleep on a  bed that is almost thirty years old. The mattress is in a poor condition. And then comes the day when my  body signals that it's too much. I suffer from arthroses and I did end up in the hospital care. This is followed by rehabilitation getting of the meds that I have been on for years and later at home. Meanwhile, the family no longer has extra debts only for the house. The refrigerator is stocked again and hot water flows in the shower again. I just share our story, thinking we have been lucky they did not take our kids from us and we have survived this crazy part of life. "I asked my daughter if she was sure she is okay with her youth?  Then she said, 'Dad, if we hadn't been so embarrassed, and unknowing maybe help would have come sooner.' She is so wise." She has become very price-conscious, I still go together with her to the supermarket as she doesn’t have a car yet. She has given herself  some pocket money, but hardly ever spends it. "I don't want to use that until I need it," she then says. "When we saw the other day that some euros had been debited from her account at a clothing store, we joked about it at the table: 'So, did you finally spoil yourself?' Then she told us she had bought a shirt for her and her friend." As her friend had to choose either paying the food for the coming days or this great shirt. She has a good heart and when the time is right she will pay me back anyway. 

 

"My tears, they've been so on the surface the last few months." Breathe in. Exhale. "My daughters are too mature for their age. We are doing pretty well now; we are slowly healing, I think. I am teaching the kids that they are allowed to feel what they are feeling. They are allowed to cry and talk about everything. I didn't do that myself for too long. Now we are learning this, together, as a family. But the childhood of those girls, part of it was taken away from them. And I am kind of wizard if it comes to solutions in life itself, although loosing your childhood is irreplaceable. And no I can't buy that back for any amount of money."

The Old Sailor,