Oh the weather outside is.........

Dear Bloggers,


Today it is a nice and sunny autumn day but thios will change rapidly by the end of the week.

The balmy temperatures of today will be a distant memory as winter weather will arrive in Northern parts of The Netherlands this week, the wind will get from colder areas and snow is expected on Thursday or Friday at the latest, just in time to put a chill into travelers planning for the next week's holiday weekend. Saint Nicholas his presents might even arrive a bit later due to the weather.

The good news, forecasters at the National Weather Service say, is that the snow showers expected at the end of this week but it will not be that much.Next weeks weekend will be a different story, however. A cold stream is bringing plenty of moisture to the area is expected to work its way towards the Southern parts of the country, the forecast said this morning. From Saturday morning through Sunday morning 6 to 10 centimeters of snow likely will fall in the Coastal areas, and after that the rest of the country might get some wet snow.

While the cold air stream is expected to blow over by Thursday, travelers in the northern regions should expect pretty chilly winds and below zero temperatures. The crews will be busy on the highways and main roads treating them with de-icer and throwing down salt and sand for traction.

Next week on Tuesday the weather could be cool and showery as a weak storm continues to drop out of the East. Colder air will sweep in from Poland early next week, hitting hardest east of the country and pushing temperatures into the single digits. Even below numbers at night are mentioned, so maybe it is time to find the ice skates. The weather should improve by the 4th of December but according to the weather stations this might become a serious cold winter in Europe.

"This is the time of year when drivers need to change their mindset to winter driving," The weatherman said. "Remember to bring warm clothes with you, a shovel so you can dig yourself out, don't follow too close and be sure to check with ANWB on weather conditions before you get out on the roads."

Getting a christmas feeling already eventhough that is a bit early for me. I will ignite the fireplace and drink some hot chocolate with rum.

The Old Sailor,

What is your biggest fear?

Dear Bloggers,


This week I talked to a young lady in the bus during one of the lonely and stormy nightshifts all of a sudden we entered the subject of loosing a person near to you. She told about the loss of her dad, when his business stranded due to the financial trouble a few years ago he did not see a way out anymore and took his own life. Even it is to discuss if you can do this to your family yes or no. I had a really deep conversation with her about the reason why we should be here? I found the following qoute of Natalie Babbit on the web and I think that this a better way of understanding this silly fear of death.

"Do not fear death... only the unlived life.
You don't have to live forever;
You just have to live."

It is natural to feel fear of the unknown. In regard to death, this fear may be of what might happen during the process of dying, such as the pain of a terminal illness, nausea, vomiting, or even fearing abandonment by those around you. The fear of death may also be perpetuated by the sadness of the family around the dying person, or the hopelessness of the doctor, or the nurses who feel they may have failed to keep the person alive. However, it is through death that the dying person can be released from the great burden of the diseased body.

Death is not an enemy, it is a natural fact of life, a stage of our existence, and a transition or doorway between planes of reality. Death has its own harmony with nature just as a tree loses its leaves every fall. We don't feel that it is unjust or that the tree failed to stay fully alive when it goes dormant through the winter. It is natural. Neither should doctors and nurses feel they have failed if after every endeavor a patient dies. Actually, it may be better to let a person take the opportunity to die peacefully rather than trying to force him or her to remain alive in a suffering body. In other words, it can be better to make peace with death than try to conquer it.

The process of dying can be rough, but it is temporary. The best thing to do is to focus our consciousness as much as we can in a way that will help us reach the highest realm possible after death. Of course, it always may be a little sad to leave our home and loved ones, but if we are going to a bigger and more beautiful home, then what is there to be sorry about? It is joyful to be going to a better place. This sort of joy will also help divert our attention from any pain we may be feeling.

The primary fear of death is, of course, not knowing what we will be or where we will go in the afterlife. If you are afraid of where you might go after death, be surrendered and know that fate, or God, will put you where you will best learn whatever you need to learn. The universe is based on compassion. It is not a punishment that we are here, but it is because of our desires for the experience of material existence and bodily sense pleasure. Each life is meant for us to learn more about ourselves, and about who we are. Death is not simply a matter of getting old or sick and then dying. Natural death happens when you have finished doing what you were meant to do in this life. You may have wanted to do more or not, but when you have done what you were meant to do, you will move on. Nature will arrange it that you will leave this realm. Each life is like a classroom wherein you learn a certain amount, and go through a certain number of lessons or tests. Then you graduate to the next class. We can learn willingly or unwillingly. We can cooperate or be uncooperative. We can repeatedly keep going through it until we learn all of the necessary lessons to go on to the next level. That is our choice. And if you have failed any of the tests, don't worry. You'll have the chance to try it again. Therefore, let go of any fear and let "God" or who or whatever you believe in put you where you will make the most progress.

Actually, to fear death reveals one's misunderstanding of life. It is a fear of knowing one's real self, which is beyond the bodily identification. It is that with which some people hesitate to acquaint themselves. Thus, if a person has known nothing else but one's bodily identity, losing the body can put one into fear. Yet, how can one ever think he was the body when it is plain to see that he came into this temporary world through birth and must leave it through death? All of our possessions, relationships, even our talents and skills are all temporary. So how can our body be anything more? Being afraid of death is like being afraid to give up an old and worn-out garment.

In this regard, the mind is the root cause of fear and suffering. However, this fear and anguish can be a gift because it shows where the mind gets caught in the desired model of thinking how things should be. It projects its own level of reality out on the world and its perception of things. When things are not the way we want them to be, or think they should be, the mind has difficulty accepting it and we suffer. We then often get angry, anxious, confused, or fall into fear. To enjoy freedom from suffering, we have to grow beyond our attachments, ego, and desires. Thus, the awareness of our approaching death plays an important role in helping us transcend our temporary worldly attachments, and to increase our development and qualities that are offered through our existence in different bodies or different planes of consciousness.

So an important point is that we do not have to be afraid of death, for we are all immortal. When we look around us, this is plain to see. Every winter the trees, plants and grass go dormant and practically die, yet they return to life and display their blooms in the spring. Even if a tree dies and becomes soil, we can see that out of it new life rises from the remnants of its decay. Even if the water of a pond disappears, it forms the steam from which clouds are created, which rain down the potential for new life. We witness many forms of transition of the same energy. It is an endless cycle in which we all participate. In the same way, our physical body is shed at death, but our life persists on another level. Thus, through death we also find renewal.

As it is stated in the ancient Bhagavad-gita, "Never was there a time when I did not exist, nor you. . . nor in the future shall any of us cease to be."

While we live in this material world, death helps alleviate and release us from our accumulated attachments, positions, and superficial desires. Death shows us what is not important, and makes us give up those things which can no longer help, or which keeps us from understanding who we really are. Even though we are here to experience the innumerable aspects of material existence, if we are too caught up in it, we will never understand our spiritual identity. Thus, death is an assistant which forces us to come to grips with what is temporary, and to give it up. It is another step in the learning process, to come closer to what we really are.

Unfortunately, if one is overly attached to his or her body, position, belongings and relations, death can seem like a severe punishment. Yet, it can be a gift or even a blessing if you are in deep kinds of pain. For the materialist who is afraid of losing everything, death is like the grip that crushes. With a spiritual understanding, one can find a meaning in dying.

In the end, there comes a time when we need to let ourselves, or the person dear to us, leave the body, just as when a person needs to rest. It can be wrong to resist the process of death, whether it be yours or that of another. So we should not begrudge another of his death. We should not be unwilling to let him or her go. As some of us are not able to live on but we should not be selfish and try to “rescue” the ones that cannot find another way out. It is his or her chance to enter a better realm to continue with his progress. He or she is not leaving us, he or she is simply going on before us.

Death is not an enemy, it can be like the friend who cuts the chain that holds the anchor which prevents one from sailing to greater horizons. This is the way we become closer to attaining freedom from this earthly plane, and from the dictates of the senses, the service of the body, and the impressions in the mind.

on the fear bus

I should put up a sign which says: “The one who fears death should take the next bus home.” I am afraid that my boss will not be very amused if I would do this for real.

The Old Sailor,



Long time ago......far far away

Dear Bloggers,




Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means you have decided to look beyond the imperfections. Happy Birthday to myself

Yes, it was 3 years ago today — November 8th, 2007 — that I burst out of the starting blocks. In the blogosphere, 3 years is a long time (I’m told the average life of a blog is about 3 months).

Over the last 36 months, I’ve made 222 blog postings (including this one). To celebrate, I thought I’d simply share with you a few of my favourites. Actually, I’m in such a jocular mood I’m just going to share what I think are my best or funniest blog postings. Some of these I like because the stories they’re based on my opinion or are from themselves funny; others I just like because of some deep rooted feelings that moves even me. Life would be very dull if we never indulged ourselves.”

Here goes nothing:

· Hoera mijn blog is geboren http://oldsailor2007.blogspot.com/2007/11/hoera-mijn-blog-is-geboren.html

· Zie de maan schijnt…… http://oldsailor2007.blogspot.com/2007/12/zie-de-maan-schijnt.html

· Als je nog net niet oud bent http://oldsailor2007.blogspot.com/2008/01/als-je-nog-net-niet-oud-bent.html

· Als de pijn de baas wordt  http://oldsailor2007.blogspot.com/2008/01/als-de-pijn-de-baas-wordt.html

· Als ik later…. http://oldsailor2007.blogspot.com/2008/03/als-ik-later.html

· De prins op het knappe witte paard  http://oldsailor2007.blogspot.com/2008/04/de-prins-op-het-knappe-witte-paard.html

· If grief....... http://oldsailor2007.blogspot.com/2008/09/if-grief.html

· Parade of the bums  http://oldsailor2007.blogspot.com/2008/10/parade-of-bums.html

· A christmas story  http://oldsailor2007.blogspot.com/2008/12/christmas-story.html

· It started with a kiss...... http://oldsailor2007.blogspot.com/2009/01/it-started-with-kiss.html

· Enjoy life while it is there  http://oldsailor2007.blogspot.com/2009/01/enjoy-life-while-it-is-there.html

· Happy with what you have, not what you could get  http://oldsailor2007.blogspot.com/2009/02/happy-with-what-you-have-not-with-what.html

· A bad day can have good moments http://oldsailor2007.blogspot.com/2009/04/bad-days-can-have-good-moments.html

· How to live positive with fibromyalgia  http://oldsailor2007.blogspot.com/2009/07/how-to-live-positive-with-fibromyalgia.html

· Clearing the attic......gets your mind cleared as well?  http://oldsailor2007.blogspot.com/2009/08/clearing-attic-gets-your-mind-cleared.html

· Finally back to work again  http://oldsailor2007.blogspot.com/2010/04/finally-back-to-work-again.html

· Married or single who is happier http://oldsailor2007.blogspot.com/2010/09/married-or-single-who-is-happier.html

Enjoy reading.and ”Live life as long it is there, pray for less fights, spend your last money on a drink and fuck if your life is depending on it.”



The Old Sailor,

Fibromyalgia is a nasty condition

Dear Bloggers,

This is my second year of being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and I must say that I have picked up my “new life style” quite well. Eventhough pain is my biggest enemy, I walk up straight and smile to my passengers. I never realized before that deep down in me there has been a load of stress. By controlling my life in a different way and doing my things one step at the time, my pain and all the other symptoms became slowly bearable.

The Horror of Fibro headaches

As Fibromyalgia is now the accepted name for a condition that used to be known as musculoskeletal pain syndrome. The name may be updated but the diagnosis still remains a controversial one as there are still those in the medical community who discount the validity of the condition. And that is a shame as many people like myself who want to carry on are being turned down in so many ways. The controversy arises over the non-specific nature of many of the symptoms as well as the psychological aspects of the syndrome that have been observed. It is hard to find a suitable job if you have to do it on your own. It takes a hell lot of energy that you simply don’t have.

The syndrome is classified as a rheumatic condition, related to arthritis, with the major symptoms being muscle and joint pain over large parts of the body and fatgue. Usually these symptoms are also accompanied by a lowered pain threshold, anxiety and depression. The lowered pain threshold is the major reason why so many remain skeptical over the validity of Fibromyalgia as a specific disease. People with arthritis get help from the authorities and they can get a contract for working a part time job the other half is paid by the government. At least you can be there for your family and function on full power at your job.

The "New Me"

The disease affects roughly ten times more women than it does men but science has yet to determine why that is. One theory is that it is not actually this imbalanced but that men remain undiagnosed or misdiagnosed more often than women do. Perhaps with further research the truth will be found but until then, it appears to affect far more women than men. My thoughts are that men are to affraid to loose their job and their face. If you live in a small community you are quickly called lazy and that f***ing hits you like a hammer.

Generally fibromyalgia sufferers start off with widespread muscle aches and joint pain, usually accompanied by debilitating fatigue. Some people will also experience muscle twitching or burning for no apparent reason. These symptoms often appear at the same time as depression and sleep disturbances.

There are other symptoms associated with fibromyalgia but most victims will have only some of them, making each person seem to have a different problem (another reason for misdiagnosis). A person may experience several of these symptoms at the same time during acute periods while experiencing none during other times. Common complaints include stomach pain, dry mouth or eyes, chronic headache, anxiety, restless legs syndrome, stiff joints, incontinence, sensitivity to hot or cold. Most of these things I recognize as my own in my case I did not experience the restless legs and I very seldom I face anxiety, therefor I do get cramped legs in restperiods and I cannot stand overcrowded places anymore.

Reaching a diagnosis can be a long process as there are no specific tests to determine if you have fibromyalgia. In my case it went quick it only took seven months due to the pressure provided by the Danish government. Normally this process takes a whole year in the Netherlands. It is more a process of eliminating everything that it is not, before determining what it actually is. The doctor will usually do extensive blood tests to rule out many other conditions. Of course, you also must meet the diagnostic criteria which will always include widespread pain that lasts for three months or longer. That means the pain will be on both sides of the body, above and below the waist and will be present in at least one of the chest, neck or back.

There isn’t any specific treatment for fibromyalgia as a condition. Instead, treatment options are all aimed at relieving specific symptoms. Typically a sufferer will be prescribed a medication to reduce or control the pain as well as an antidepressant to deal with the emotional aspects of the disease. I refused to take the antidepressants as I hate all this medication that I get prescribed. My doctor was surprised on my reaction “less synthetic crap is better for the old body.” Behavioral techniques such as stress management are often used in conjunction with the medications as stress has been shown to aggravate the condition and bring on acute episodes.

Some alternative therapies have produced success in some patients but they have not been subject to many verifiable studies. Therapeutic, deep tissue massage has been known to be a help in relieving the pain, at least temporarily. Some also find relief through acupuncture, hypnosis and even chiropractic manipulation. I found my way to get relief by daily Tai Chi practise some basic moves and meditate on free moments to bring the mind at ease. Stress is the enemy. Even I am a huge fan of a love life the pain is always in the way. During foreplay I have to take breaks as my body gives up. And my wife is not the easiest one to please as she loves the full attention during this beautiful hobby.

Whether you choose to go with medication, alternative therapies or a combination of both, there are some things you should do to help your body deal with this sometimes devastating condition. Eat a balanced diet so that your body receives the nutrition needed to support repair and building of muscle tissue, exercise regularly and get enough sleep each day so that you will be in optimal health in order to deal with the affects of this musculoskeletal pain syndrome. Enough sleep is sometimes tricky if you have to start early shifts and your partner calls you lazy when she finds you sleeping on the couch. I feel so useless in many ways as I am not the man that I was a few years ago. Nothing was to much for me and I was never ever tired. Nowadays I wake up tired and on my free moments I feel more dead than alive.

The Old Sailor,

The most precious things in life

Dear Bloggers,

As you probably know I am father to two beautiful daughters and to me they are the most precious things that are in my life. And yes I realize that one day the will leave the warm nest that we call home. I have the feeling that time goes so quick at the moment that before I know it my girls will be flying out and go their own way.

A question that I asked myself how devestating its it to loose a child? When I try to imagine this tears are burning in my eyes. Of course there are many different ways that this can happen to any parent. Like a horrifying disease as leukemia for example or a tragic accident, being in the wrong place at the wrong moment might kill a person, some kids get obducted. Here you see that there are many doom scenarios that you can think of.

How can you protect a child from these kind of things? The question that I asked myself is the following one: “There is not even a name for it ” Ok let me explain this one, A child without parents we call an orphan and someone who has lost a partner we call a widow or widower. But I can’t think up a name for a parent that lost a child.

You probably wonder how does this insane writer come to this subject? Actually this pretty simple. A few days ago, I saw a boy lying on the roundabout as he was hit by a car lying on his bicyclen. According to the traffic regulations in this town cars have to give way to the cyclists. The driver chose to hit and run. The poor lad was left behind with a broken knee and a damaged bike.

As other drivers already informed the cops and paramedics, I could continue my journey after a hard days work. As the thoughts kept hauning I decided to write this blog. I all od a suddden realized that I had a story to tell again on my blog. There you see that my brain has been rattling for a while as this subject came a long.

It has been a funny week as I witnessed another accident on my last shift. Yes I know that these things are happening on a daily base. Our society is getting harder and harder. More and more people leave their victims behind as they simply did not learn how to care about others.

The ones that do care, are attacked when they are trying to help a victim. In some cases of bullying. The victim did not see a way out anymore as he did not dare to ask for help as he did not want to kill himself. In blind anger he took a knife and stabbed his bully As many others saw what happend, you should think that someone would call the police. It took nearly ten minutes before the first one made a call for help.

I think it is about time that we as parents should raise our kids with all the love and respect raise our kids with all the love and respect that we can provide. Rebelling kids have been problem of alle time. Accidents happen and no they are never funny. But for crying out loud you don’t leave a victim behind as we do not live in the dark ages anymore.

Live is too short and too unpredictable and their should be a bit more love for eachother.

The Old Sailor,

How to deal with a financial set back

Dear Bloggers,


Today I had to ask for a loan from a relative and this all due to the fact that our car broke down, the tax office had their things sorted and send a huge bill and on top of it all I got fined for a accident that I cannot proof if it was me who caused it. Good gracious where should I get all this money from? Well with lead in my shoes, I knocked on a good Samaritans door. We thought up an arrangement and I will pay it back step by step, bless these good people.

When you're sinking in debt, it's frustrating, stressful and can make you feel like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. It can be pretty easy to feel as if you will never get rid of your debt, but you can. There are many different things you can do to pay off your debt sooner. Here are some important tips and tricks for the broke and desperate for getting rid of your debt.

Think of the Extra Money You Spend Each Month -

I figured out quickly enough that we had approx. 500 euro less each month after I had to stop sailing and that is a major set back, Although I may not be swimming in cash, chances are you spend extra money every month. You may pay to eat out, go to the movies, purchase things you love, etc. How much money do you spend each month on things like this? If you add up the amount of extra money you spend each month, you will probably be surprised to know how much it really is! If you cut down on your spending each month, you can pay off your debt much faster. For instance, rather than spending 20% of your income, spend 10% on extra things. This way, you can still enjoy the fruits (eventhough it is not easy sometimes.) of your work and you'll be working toward being debt free.

Make a List of Your Debts -

It will help you to pay off your debts if you have all of the information in front of you. Make a complete list of your debts, including what is owed, who the creditor is, what the interest rate is, when the payments are due and what the minimum payments are. If possible, list them in order from the highest interest rates to the lowest. The ones at the top should be given more attention than the lower interest rate bills. So, paying the minimum payment on all of them except for the higher interest rate bills is a good idea. For the top ones, send any extra amount that you can afford. This will help you pay off your debt faster and save money by not paying so much interest.

Debt is anything but fun and can make you feel as if you will never be free again. However, using the methods above, you can pay off your debt and experience a clean credit report once again! Good luck.

For the first time I felt that I was drowning, it’s a hard knock life for us.

The Old Sailor,

Stop bullying as it absolutely useless

Dear Bloggers,


My daughter is being bullied at school and what I think is a strange side effect. The victim is paid attention to but there is nothing done to tne source. My wife had enough of the not do anything attitude of the teacher and schoolboard. So she kicked in when my daughter told that it has started again. Maybe it was not the right way to do it, but it looks like we are finally getting somewhere although it is a bit late. If you don’t stop or remove the one that bullies it is that he or she will find a next victim as they don’t care as long as they have the power. Start with taking the one that bullies apart to see where his or her life went wrong. Maybe he or she is the one that is cornered at home. It sounds too me that there is only eye for the victim and not for the source isn’t this the same as trying to extinguish a fire with petrol.

What is bullying?

Bullying is abusive behavior by one or more students against a victim or victims. It can be a direct attack -- teasing, taunting, threatening, stalking, name-calling, hitting, making threats, coercion, and stealing -- or more subtle through malicious gossiping, spreading rumors, and intentional exclusion. Both result in victims becoming socially rejected and isolated.

Boys tend to use physical intimidation or threats, regardless of the gender of their victims. Bullying by girls is more often verbal, usually with another girl as the target. Cyber-bullying by both boys and girls -- in online chat rooms, e-mail, and text-messaging -- is increasing.

Bullying is a common experience for many children and teens. Direct bullying seems to increase through the elementary school years, peak in the middle school/junior high school years, and decline during the high school years. Although direct physical assault seems to decrease with age, verbal abuse appears to remain constant.

Whether the bullying is direct or indirect, the key component of bullying is physical or psychological intimidation that occurs repeatedly over time to create an ongoing pattern of harassment and abuse.

Who bullies?

Students who engage in bullying behaviors seem to have a need to feel powerful and in control. They appear to derive satisfaction from inflicting injury and suffering on others, seem to have little empathy for their victims, and often defend their actions by saying that their victims provoked them in some way.

Bullies often come from homes in which physical punishment is used, where striking out physically is a way to handle problems, and where parental involvement and warmth are frequently lacking.
Students who regularly display bullying behaviors are generally defiant or oppositional toward adults, antisocial, and apt to break school rules.

Bullies appear to have little anxiety and to possess strong self-esteem. There is little evidence to support the contention that bullies victimize others because they feel bad about themselves.

Chronic bullies seem to continue their behaviors into adulthood, negatively influencing their ability to develop and maintain positive relationships, and can experience legal or criminal troubles as adults.

Bystanders also play a role in bullying:

· the assistant who joins the bully

· the re-enforcer who encourages the bully by observing and laughing

· outsiders who avoid the bullying by staying away and not getting involved for fear of losing social status or being bullied as well

If you suspect your child is bullying others, it's important to seek help for him or her as soon as possible. Without intervention, bullying can lead to serious academic, social, emotional and legal difficulties. Talk to your child's pediatrician, teacher, principal, school counselor, or family physician. If the bullying continues, a comprehensive evaluation by a mental health profesional should be arranged. The evaluation can help you and your child understand what is causing the bullying, and help you develop a plan to stop the destructive behavior.

Who gets bullied?

Victims of bullying may be anxious, insecure, and cautious and suffer from low self-esteem, rarely defending themselves or retaliating when confronted by students who bully them. They may lack social skills and friends and thus are often already socially isolated. Victims tend to be close to their parents and may have parents who can be described as overprotective.

Victims of bullies often fear school and consider it to be an unsafe and unhappy place. Victims will often stay home 'sick' rather than go to school or travel on the school camps.

Victims experience real suffering that can interfere with their social and emotional development, as well as their school performance. Some victims of bullying have attempted suicide rather than continue to endure such harassment and abuse. Other victims have taken out their anger, and frustration in violence. Most of the young people who have caused school-related-violent-deaths, have been victims of bullying. Experts, pointing to such tragic events as Columbine, agree that bullying can lead to serious violence, including murder and suicide.

Also adults can face these problems

If you suspect your child may be the victim of bullying ask him or her to tell you what's going on. It's important to respond in a positive and accepting manner. Let your child know it's not his or her fault, and that he or she did the right thing by telling you. Ask your child what he or she thinks should be done. What's already been tried? What worked and what didn't? Help your child practice what to say to the bully so he or she will be prepared the next time.

Other specific suggestions include the following:

· Know the school policies that protect students from harassment, bullying, and physical violence. All students have the right to a safe and secure learning environment. Get copies of these policies and procedures.

· Seek help from your child's teacher, the school guidance counselor, and school administrators -- and hold them accountable for following school policy. Most bullying occurs on playgrounds, in lunchrooms or in unsupervised halls. Ask the school administrators to find out about programs other schools and communities have used to help combat bullying, such as peer mediation, conflict resolution, anger management training, and increased adult supervision.

· Notify the police if your child is assaulted. Get a restraining order so that the bully is required by law to have no contact with your child.

· If school officials and the police do not follow policy or laws, take legal action

If your child becomes withdrawn, depressed, reluctant to go to school, or if you see a decline in school performance, additional consultation or intervention may be required.

A menthal health professional can help your child and family and the school develop a strategy to deal with the bullying. Seeking professional assistance earlier can lessen the risk of lasting emotional consequences for your child.

Why don't young people tell adults?

Students typically feel that adult intervention is infrequent and ineffective and that telling adults will only bring more harassment from bullies. Shortly sad telling someone means more pain. Students are also reluctant to tell teachers or school staff as many adults view bullying as a harmless rite of passage that is best ignored unless verbal and psychological intimidation crosses the line into physical assault or theft.

What can adults do to stop the bullying?

Combating bullying is a mission that requires cooperation between everyone involved. Parents, the school, and the community must work together to stop bullying. A comprehensive intervention plan that involves all students, parents, and school staff can help ensure that all students can learn in a safe and fear-free environment.

This can include school surveys on bullying to identify the problem, awareness campaigns in schools, libraries, and recreation centers, and a school climate where bullying is not tolerated (educational programs, peer counseling, whole-school policies, classroom rules, cooperative learning activities, increased supervision during lunch and recess).

If your child is a victim of bullying try to see the signals they will give by changes in behaviour for example and talk to your child to find out what might have gone wrong. Straight away talk to the teacher to make them aware of the problem. We talked about the problems my daughter faces and due to her low self-esteem she will start with practising the martial art of Judo. My daughter is a victim of intentional exclusion in her class. She is facing this together with another girl in her class. None of the kids in her class dares to stand up to the bully as they believe that he is the powerful one and tells that he is not afraid of anyone. (Hitler had a same kind of mental disorder, so the bully might get somewhere.)

Judo not only for boys

Luckely she has not been assaulted in a physical way and to prevent that she will be a victim later in her life. Make sure that your child starts to find new ways to make new friends in school as long as they feel safe and happy the rest will change step by step. As a parent stand up for the rights of your child. At least she can defend herself. About one thing I am quite happy that it does not effect her learning process. Yes bullying is from all times. But people that bully are normally not the sharpest knives in the kitchendrawer. (I would rather call them low lives.)

At least I will try to have respect for every living creature.

The Old Sailor,

Shopping or Sex?

Dear Bloggers,


"Women Think of Shopping as Much as Men Think of Sex!" screams a headline in the free newspaper of last week.

Woohoo, boy. This is just about the most dubiously sourced piece of journalism.

A study says that women think about buying a new outfit once every minute -- or put another way, 60 times each waking hour. This data comes from the responses of 74% of 778 women aged 19 to 45 at this 'online fashion bible' web site. In other words, that's 575 self-selected women.

Now let's take a look at the study about men, who supposedly think about sex as much as we think about shopping. (I think that once a minute is a but much but I admit it is many times a day.)

"Other studies have previously claimed to uphold the commonly-held belief that young men have only one thing on their minds - sex...They are said to think about it every 52 seconds, while the subject crosses some women's minds only once a day."

I did some half-assed Googling to find this "men think about sex this much, women think about sex that much" study and didn't come up with much -- but fight shoddy research with shoddy research, I say! The best we could do was to find data on the web site of the reputable Kinsey Institite, which says, according to a 14-year-old study, 19% of ladies think about sex everyday or several times a day, 67% think of it a few times per week or month, and 14% think of it less than once a month. That same study found that 54% of men think of sex everyday, while 43% of men think of it a few times per week or month and only 4% think of it less than once a month.

The best part of the article is the piece when a psychologist debunks the whole silly argument:

Discussing the cosmopolitan survey, psychologist Dr Jane Prince, said: 'People think about things which bring them pleasurable feelings. The pleasure is usually in the anticipating and planning.

'But so many women displaying this level of preoccupation, thinking about something once a minute, would indicate widespread addictive behaviour with regard to shopping which really does not seem to be evidenced in any academic literature I have ever seen."

I don't know who is more at fault: web sites that do polls and pass them off as studies, or journalists who utilize polls like studies, but they both have to stop. These tired and old worn out ideas are not realistic anymore. That men are sex-crezed beasts, and that women are shallow and superficial, hmmmm.......it is not really from this time and it will do no one any good and only perpetuate a consumer culture that thrives on fostering women's insecurities and men's sexual prowess. The problem isn't that women think about shopping "too much," or men think about sex "too much", the real problem is that there's an appetite to both read and write stories that hinge on unproven stereotypes. If I look around me I do not know anyone with a shopping addiction and other guys complain about having not enough sex. This is a natural process as man are hunting always for younger women who are ready for reproduction. But somehow most of us learned to nag instead of doing the mating dance.

Hmmm.......to those 575 women who think about shopping every 60 seconds, I hope that one of the purchases that crosses their minds is a vibrator so they can please more then their own needs. Now I'm gonna go to work and think about F***ing once a minute for the rest of the day, you silly, silly newspaper.

The Old Sailor,

Married or Single who is happier?

Dear Bloggers,

Last night I had to work and somehow during a break we talked about relationships of our drivers and pretty quickly I calculated that 85% of my new colleagues either is divorced or is in the middle of the separation process. Staying together with the same partner is getting more and more unique. I can tell you from my own experience that it is a bumpy road, and you have to take it slow not to break it.

You have to live with eachothers mishaps as well

 

Diehard romantics say you can't put a price on love, but a pair of European economists disagrees, the two men calculated the monetary worth of marriage at $100,000 per year. Hmmm......surprises me as I am always out of money. But this given I started digging again to fimd out what is normal nowadays.

Despite the potential payoff, people in Europe are putting off marriage later in life than ever before. In correlation with the rising life expectancy, men and women are giving themselves more time before exchanging vows. The average age for an American woman to get hitched rose from 20.8 to 25.3 from 1970 to 2003. Additionally, more adults are living the single life, thanks in large part to the higher divorce rate. According to data, 90 percent more single-person households existed in 2005 than in 1970.

And they lived..........Scary fairytale

Over the past 30 years, marriage has become more of a social choice than a necessity, but all it takes is a few episodes of "Sex and the City" to see that Western culture still favors cohabitation. Humans' animal instincts are wired for mating in one way or another. Moreover, a pervasive idea exists that discovering a soul mate brings joy and makes life worth living. Perhaps we aren't far off the mark; studies have shown that married people tend to earn more money and live longer than singles. Marriage also appears to promote better health. The study showed that husbands and wives are less likely to smoke or drink heavily, experience frequent headaches and suffer from psychological problems than people who aren't married.

But betting on marriage to bring you happiness may be a risky gamble. After all, the odds of holding on to that perfect partner forever have been whittled down to a coin flip -- about 48 percent of marriages end in divorce. Nevertheless, psychologists have pointed to marriage as the single most reliable happiness indicator. Across nations and ethnic groups, people report greater happiness from marriage than career, community or money. A 2005 survey substantiates these assertions. Forty-three percent of married respondents reported that they were "very happy," compared to 24 percent of unmarried individuals. Those results were consistent for all age groups and genders.

As any good scientist knows, correlation does not always equal causation. To close the case on whether marital bliss trumps the single life, we must deduce which comes first: happiness or marriage?

But what when the Honeymoon ends?
Does marriage make people happier, or do happier people get married?

A study of 24,000 German couples demonstrated the existence of the honeymoon phase that newlyweds experience. Tracking the couples' happiness levels over 15 years, a psychology professor from Michigan State University found that spouses exhibited an uptick in happiness soon after marriage. Then, those happiness levels gradually returned to their premarital state.

The Old Sailors wallet (onion leather, as every time you look in it, you will get tears in your eyes.)

This pattern is comparable to the effects of sudden financial improvement on people's happiness. For people living with relatively low incomes, money can buy happiness for a while. Yet the longer someone gets used to having more cash on hand, the more it loses its luster.

Absolutely........ Ehhr, no comment.

This doesn't negate the survey results that show higher happiness rates among married people. Rather, it has led some psychologists to conjecture that married people are merely more inclined toward happiness since they're happier to begin with. Humans are predisposed to certain happiness ranges depending on their genetics, personality and life circumstances. Also, happier people are generally more social, and it follows that people who actively socialize will be more likely to meet someone they'd like to marry.

As with other major life events, people are inclined to return to their innate happiness baselines as time goes on. The study of German couples found that this holds true even with the death of a spouse. Yet the same psychologist who conducted the initial research concluded that bouncing back to that baseline may be harder following divorce. The participants who went through divorce had a slightly lower level of life satisfaction.

Expectations for marital bliss can also play an important role in determining happiness. A study from the University of Florida highlighted a relationship between the skills that people bring to a marriage and people's anticipation for how much marriage will improve their lives. If partners have overly high expectations for marriage transforming their lives into in a joyous wonderland, they need to have the relationship skills to match. Otherwise, it's like going to a spelling bee expecting first place without ever cracking a dictionary.

As we've learned from happiness surveys, wedding bells can portend happy futures. But happily ever after requires more than an "I do." Marriage won't magically create happiness, which makes personal character development during the single years even more important.

Darn, a good marriage is a lot of hard work.

The Old Sailor,