Holiday Fun?

Dear Bloggers,

Our country is hardly moving, or at least not so fast anymore.

We live these days in a whirl.

On the edge of pulling through the last bits or they are at least dreaming away about what will happen.

However, many also are concerned about what will happen.

Will I be fired after the holiday or am I another victim of the Mexican flu?

According to experts, the recession and the flu will show themselves from their worst side soon. It can be seen in their faces.

Some are looking pale, despite the fact it is already high summer for weeks.

Others are brown tainted and sitting relaxed behind their desks.

Just work for a while, and then we really are going on a holiday.

However, the open-mindedness is something that is far gone this year because now the exciting places may be hazardous this time.

And then the idea that the holidays might be the last ones Mom or Dad gets unemployed.

This in relation with the stranglemorgage they can not cough up moneywise.

In the street you start to find empty places.

You got already quickly used to caravans and motorhomes that decorate the street.

With a certain probability I think that a few of them need to sell their so called “hobbyhome”.

I am also happy that I am not that hooked on going on holidays.

I find it just as much fun on the Costa Backyard as the Costa del Sol.

As myself many parents of young children pressing their last energy out to begin the holiday with as much fun as possible.

I therefore put the pool up and place it in the backyard, the children still had not much interest although the temperature was rising to thirty degrees celcius.

Unfortunately, the kids don't want to do anything fun because they are just tired.

The last bits and pieces were the hardest ones.

Here at home the atmosphere is excited as they understand that we no longer have to get up early.

But if you're awake then you will find Dad downstairs.

I am almost every morning up around six o'clock already, because my body is being painful crying for a hot shower and medication to mute the pain.

After a few days they are used to the new rythm and get out of bed as I have already a half a day behind me.

It is pretty tiring for our kids, waking up every morning at seven o'clock because they have to get ready for school.

But if it is holidaytime, it is tricky in the beginning to sleep in, and it happens the first few days that we shared our breakfast at seven, despite the fact that we all are having summerbreak, but many times after breakfast my oldest daughter goes back to bed.

And I cannot say that this is wrong.

It is only the beginning of July their holidays have just begun.

We only go on a trip at the end of their summer holidays.

It all boils down to a week or five with nothing to do.

(According to my two lovely daughters we find this boring.)

If we sit at the breakfast table, and I prepare for this holiday time, I am bringing up my topic: “Adventure” is the magic word.

Where do you want to go this holiday?

There is a long silence at the breakfast table.

However, my oldest comes up with a few ideas and I write them on paper.

We make a list of adventures park it to the cooker hood.

My youngest doesn't care at all no matter where we go as long as we go by bus.

(she is five and that is her greatest passion.)

Indignation, is widespread when my wife announced that we have no money for these kind of things.

The recession became also active in our savings account.

We will probably not be able to do all adventures but at least a part of them.

We just want to have occasionally the holiday feeling, after the hard work at school where the days were long.

We are happy with a museum and an amusement park this would be enough for us.

It is true, they had to work hard this year because our school was not that good.

The inspection has been very satisfied with the results.

I fear that after the holidays, when school starts again, it will cost the same amount of weeks to return to the harness of getting up on time and yes soon enough it is again November 11 and we are also getting closer to the arrival of Sinterklaas.

Then new strenuous times are there.

There is something unfair in it, they have so much to learn, and I occasionally learn a bit about all the new techniques.

But they are still at the beginning of life and will have at least 45 to 50 years of working for a future to build, I am now somewhere halfway.

I am going to think quietly about it and take a walk through the neighborhood.

It is a confusing time.

Neighbors in shorts are busy packing the camper.

Mothers with children riding hasty and crates full of groceries into the street. (own potatoes rule)

At home my children enjoy their holiday in the garden leave and I walk on quietly thinking.over everything.

Slowly I realize that during my childhood we did not go on holiday because there was simply no money for it.

However, I do not blame my parents because they made great trips with us to the IJselmeer.(the big lake in the middle of the Netherlands.)

We had bread and coffee to go and we bought an ice cream.

This was according to my experience the ultimate holiday.

The Old Sailor,

They call me fibromyalgia

Dear Bloggers,

Let me introduce you to my new companion in life.
I found this on the Dutch fibromyalgia site and translate it, as it comes quite close to my feelings.

Now they gave it a name and now the fight against it finally begins.

Hello,

I am an invisible disease.

I am now with you for the rest of your life.

Others around you to see me, but your body feels me.

I can attack you when and how I want.

Also I can take care of you by giving severe pain attacks.

And if I'm in a good mood I can even ensure that you have pain.

Remember that you did a lot with your energy and had a lot of fun?

Well, I took that energy away from you and gave you fatigue instead.

You now also trying to have fun, but I get you out of your sleep and give you a headache in return!

You know what I can do more?

I can ensure that you vibrate inside and you are cold or hot when everyone feels normal.

I can also make you anxious and depressed.

You did not ask for me but I have chosen you.

Why?

Perhaps by a trauma (car- crash/whiplash, surgery....?) That you had.

Or by a virus that you caught somewhere.

Anyway, I am here now and I will stay!

I hear you went to a doctor, to get rid of me.

Hahaha, I rolling over the floor and laugh!

Keep on trying!

You will be going to many doctors if you finally can get rid of me.

Also you will probably be packed with pills: sleeping pills, vitamins, painkillers, energy pills?

You will get massages and sometimes they will tell you that you are anxious and depressed. They will tell you that if you take pills on time, and do your exercises well, I will go away.

But the worst is that sometimes you will not be taken serious, when you are yelling at the doctor that you do'nt have a normal life anymore.

Your family, friends and colleagues will all listen to you until they are sick and tired of knowing how I let you suffer and that I am a disease from hell.

Some will say: "You just have a bad day" or "Yes, you can not do anything more that you could ten years ago."

They are not you then say: "Ten years ago? Ten days ago!"

Also, some will talk behind your back while you slowly get the feeling that you are losing your self-respect.
Still you try, while you know, to explain them so they would understand.

This can be especially difficult if you have one “normal” person where you are talking to, because sometimes you'll suddenly forget what you wanted to say.... The only people who really understand you and support you are, the people in whose body I am also present.

And unfortunately, you will also discover that your true friends you can count on 1 hand.

But the ones who are there are those, which are there for you REALLY!

The Old Sailor,

Older painkiller, naproxen, found to be safest

Dear Bloggers,

Shocking news this morning a legend, the king of pop, Michael Jackson went to fiddler's green. Sometimes I am worried that my painkillers could trigger a heart attack or dangerous stomach bleeding as today it was mentioned in the news that Wacko Jacko died of a cardiac arrest. And that the painkillers he is using might have caused his death, it made me think that maybe the next victim is me. So I started reading reports again and to my surprise I read that diclofenac is pretty dangerous.

New reports on painkiller risks, based on reviews of dozens of studies including hundreds of thousands of patients, indicate most patients should try naproxen, an older anti-inflammatory drug.

Experts say it doesn't raise heart attack or stroke risk -- a major worry for older people -- and naproxen is inexpensive because generic versions have been around for years. Available over the counter, it's taken by millions of people worldwide.
The drawback is that like most painkillers, it can irritate the stomach, so doctors say some people may also need to take one of the newer acid reflux drugs.

"I do think we should start with naproxen in the vast majority of cases," said Dr. Steven Nissen, head of cardiology at the Cleveland Clinic and president of the American College of Cardiology. "It's about balancing the cardiovascular and gastrointestinal risk."
Along with the good news about naproxen, the two studies raise new concerns about a few painkillers, particularly diclofenac, which has been on the market since 1988. The commonly used anti-inflammatory drug, also sold as Voltaren and Cataflam, carries as high a risk of heart attack or stroke as Vioxx.

The new analyses also provide even more evidence of the dangers to the heart and kidneys posed by Vioxx, which was pulled from the market two years ago.
The latest findings should help patients and doctors confused about painkiller safety since news began unfolding about the risks of Vioxx, Bextra and other non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs.

Using any of those drugs, liver and kidney function tests should be required every six months.
The heart risks from diclofenac were reported by researchers at the University of Newcastle in Australia. That report recommends regulators review whether diclofenac should stay on the market.

THE RANKINGS
According to a report in the Journal of the American Medical Association, the painkiller naproxen has less of a cardiovascular risk than other drugs. Here are the rankings of risk estimates, from lowest risk estimate to highest risk estimate:
1. Naproxen
2. Celebrex
3. Ibuprofen
4. Other anti-inflammatory drugs
5. Mobic
6. Vioxx
7. Voltaren

I think it is about time that I should discuss this with my doctor, at my death there will not be such a media hype. But at least seven persons will miss me.

The Old Sailor,

Fathersday

Dear Bloggers,

Father's Day has become a day in which to honour our dad's for all that they have done for us through the years of our lives. Being a man and living with fibromyalgia can make it more difficult for us to do all the fathering that society expects of us. Father's Day can become a day of great stress for us as we try to please our own parents.

Our children do try to honour us, and even the smallest gesture of their love can help to make this day special for us. However, we may need to make our families understand what they can do for us on this day in order to make it a less stressful and exhausting day.

Breakfast in bed is nice, but if the rest of the day is spent trying to meet their needs, then it isn't enough for us. Families tend to think that what we want is to be together with them on Father's Day because our social values have taught us that that is what is expected to happen. But what those of us with fibromyalgia may really need for Father's Day is a day just to ourselves.

A day of walking along the beach, in the woods, or just sitting outside and enjoying the springtime with its beautiful colors and flowering plants without any demands being placed upon us.

Preparing our families and explaining what would be really helpful or special for us on this day set aside for fathers is something that we can do. It may be that we awaken on Father's Day in a major flare of our fibromyalgia and the last thing we want to do is get out of bed, get dressed, and be taken out to anywhere.

Those of us with small children may find it extremely difficult to get through this special day because of their many needs which must be attended to whether we feel up to it or not. If we have a supportive spouse or mother who truly understands our fibromyalgia, it can be made easier for us. However, many of us don't have the support of our families, or our extended family is far away, and can't be there even if they do understand what we go through on a daily basis.
I did not have fibromyalgia when my own children were very young, yet I now struggle with their lack of understanding of what I actually go through each day of my life. They will do special things for me on Father's Day, but if I can communicate my needs to them for this special day before it arrives, then maybe it will become a day that I will enjoy and remember as being a day especially for me.

Placing myself first has never been easy for me, but this year I plan to do just that. I don't know what I will want from them, but I do know that just being accepted as I am, and being understood no matter how I feel on Father's Day is the most important gift that they could give me. If I choose to spend the day in solitude and reflection of myself, then I hope that this will be granted to me
Flowers, gifts, and food prepared by someone else may be all that some of us need in order to feel that we are being honoured. Others of us may need to be pampered or shown by actions that we are loved unconditionally.

Being a father is a great responsibility, and for those of us with fibromyalgia, it may be one that drains us on a daily basis. We need to learn to take care of ourselves first, and sometimes this creates guilt because our society says that being a father means to give to others first. Yet, if we can't care for ourselves, then how can we find the energy and resourses to care for others without losing an important part of ourselves?

I believe that honouring and taking care of ourselves first is the most important gift that we can give to ourselves on this special day set aside for fathers everywhere.

The Old Sailor,

It is time to party

Dear Bloggers,


It's finally the annual time of the year, time for the so called Liphuster Feest. On thursday it's decorating day, a day on which we decorate the houses and gardens for the coming days.
But today it is Friday and we kick off today with the kids from elementry school which is based in the village. They all walk from school to the tent and getting fries and ice cream as a treat. Every year the committee comes with a theme and this year it is fairytales. And of course at the beginning of the evening we have the parade. During the day we had some rainshowers but the sky cleared and the sun came out. Through the years the floats became bigger and more beautiful, which is giving some trouble to get everyone in start position. But after a bit of puzzling it is time to get rolling. Just after a 100 metres the parade comes to a hold as the bolts from one of the wheels of one the floats came loose. Luckely no accidents happened but this was close call. One of the neighbors is mechanic and he was able to fix it during the evening as the float stranded in our street, but they had to drop out of the parade for today.




























Children Love Parades
Children love parades for a number of reasons, one of which being that they are strange and wonderful things. Big city folks don't understand small town parades. They have expensive floats decorated entirely with flowers and grown up men are having toys that they're obviously too old for, but it's a little different at a small town parade.At a small town parade, you start off with the local police department, riding in cars to make sure that everything is safe trafficwise. The floats are being build by the local mums and dads and also the clothing is sometimes made by a few handy women. I think it is nice that this is still excisting as in these modern times it is not that common anymore to do things together.

Marching Bands
Marching bands, are probably the most professional entries in the parade. As they practise a lot and are showing up in all these parades, although of course one is better then the other.
Less charitable things can be said for the baton corps. These are little girls, most of them, who can barely manipulate a baton. More or less twirl one. The older ones will toss the baton in the air and actually catch it, but please don't think that I'm critical of the kids.
Building a float
Starts with spreading ideas at the neigborhood meeting, from that point a lay out is made and the building of the float begins. It is for a lot of us pretty hard to be a teamplayer as we all want to be captain. So there is a lot of discussion among the buildinggroup and the developpers. For me it is pretty hard to keep myself on the brakes, but I have to take it easy on my body otherwise I will be struck by it the next 24 hours. I am not always agreeing with the design but it is nice to see what they are coming up with, this years theme is fairytales and our float is called “ice queen.”
Most of the streets have units. , with actual floats built atop hay wagons, usually pulled or ushed by tractors. The building of them happens in barns of farmers in the neigborhood or under a construction of pipes and shielded of with a few hammer-cloths. As a mum or dad you have to help building the float and they make a shedule for that, but also the youngest kids are going on the wagon from the school. So you got a double job.

Dads don't get to be Dads any more. As before every single dad had a job but now in this time of recession a lot off them are laid off or it is getting closer to them. On some of them you can sense it as there drive to do something is not there and their conversation is a bit depressed. If he gets laid off and doesn't have money to pay the full amount of bills coming in every month, and with these days that you have to play cheerful and go with your kids to the fair eventhough you can not afford it. It's not much fun being a unemployed dad, nor do I imagine it's much fun for their kids.

I Love A Parade
I said earlier that little kids love parades, because they are strange and wonderful things, and older people have their own reasons for loving parades. I can't say that I find them overly thrilling, myself. I always liked to see fathers beaming to see their kids in the parade, and kids beaming to see their parents see them. No wonder parades have dropped off, as people have forgotten the warm feelings of their kids and the happiness on their little faces. Some of us are being to busy with themselves but this is a start of coming back together or....


The Old Sailor,

Fear of falling with the bike.

Dear Bloggers,



















I have found a new remedy to keep myself in motion, the fun in it overrules the pain.
And it is great to see that your own daughter is fighting the stabillity issue.
Somedays I have to take it easy as the pain has the lead, but as soon as I can we go for a ride.
She understands perfectly that daddy can not get of his bike so quick and that she has to listen careful to what I tell her to do. If we enter a crossing I learned her to stop and get of the bike.
One of the biggest problems for my daughter is to concentrate as she is sometimes more occupied with talking to me where she should actually focus on her biking.










As you can sense, my daughter of 5 would love to learn how to ride a bicycle, she bikes, but is very afraid to fall. She is now cycling with supportwheels, but to stop and particularly the getting 'on and away' cycles are difficult because she is afraid to fall sho she is getting cramped and worried. However, she is very persisting to learn it and she loves to go biking with me. It is as if her confidence is lacking in her physical capabilities, what she physically can, purely in terms of cycling, stabillity is still her enemy. She notes if she has that under control, it is good. What remedy (s) can I give to support her so that she can learn to trust in herself because fear is a bad adviser.



Possunt, quia posse videntur
(They can do it, as they are convinced that they can do it.)


The Old Sailor,

Am I losing it?

Dear Bloggers,

The question is: am I losing it?

As all these doctors keep on telling me that I am overweight, something that they have been telling me for years now and nobody is taking action.
So I went to a dieticien to find out what I should do differently eatingwise.
When it is sunny I don't have many problems although people selling ice cream are very nice people, and with two young kids it is hard to get past them.




I am doing my best but sometimes I have to give in, most of the time I am strong enough to say no.
On rainy days I am facing the hard times, but when I feel for a snack I go for fruit now.
But of course all the bad things are still there as my kids still get candy, crisps, cookies and so on.(they don't have to suffer.)


People around me are telling me that I am getting a bit slimmer and I promissed the dietician to leave the weighingscale for what it is.
Checking all the time does not make you happier she said but can actually make you very frustrated.
Listen to your heart and the people around you that should be enough.
So from that point of view I have to think that losing 40 kilos is not going to be that easy.















Today is one of those days, feeling down, feeling blue, nothing clicks for me. It’s raining, it’s pouring, my life seems so boring.
Nothing is really wrong, just this overwhelming feeling of nothingness and unacceptable hunger attacks.
Let’s see if I can find 10 things in my life that are not nothing but everything.















1. I have a roof over my head, our house is dry inside, warm inside and houses me and my family really well.
2. My daughter is walking around sniffing her nose, last signs of the cold she had this weekend. She smiles at me and gives a kiss.
3. The laptop is working very well, it gives all support in writing the blog and never complains of me hitting his keys.
4. People look at my blogs, read articles and leave comments. Blogging is connecting most of all, leaving comments is connecting.
5. Finding my voice in writing is becoming easier. Every time I type the word ‘think” I begin feeling again. This way my posts are from the heart rather than the head. My head can be emptied by listening to the heart.
6. I had a good sleep last night and already had two delicious cappucino’s! Mind you, some days coffee makes my day.
7. Vision, I can still see with both my eyes even though the vision in my life is not always that clear. [Can you see how I am going to be negative again, what a habit.]
8. In Midspringtime my garden is already flowering. Midspring is cold, rainy and not the time for the flowers to come out. Midsummer is still a long way to go at least that is what it looks like at the moment.
9. I just found this quote: ‘If I know what love is, it is because of you.’ by Hermann Hesse.
10. I get inspiration by reading about how to connect with other people through the net and end up on total different pages again.




There was a really good chance of rain today but it didn't rain.
It amazes me how rainy days affect my mood.
I was all prepared for the onslaught of a torrential rain and it didn't happen.
The Weather Man says its coming tonight and tomorrow, and I will try again to prepare myself for the sleepy, drowsy, weepy mood rain puts me in.
I don't know why rain affects me that way but it does, another thing I need to learn to deal with.
I may never learn to love the rain, as many times rain means pain but I will learn to live with it.
And I will learn to dance in the rain eventhough I am not that rhytmic.
I have so many bad eating habits that affect me like the rain,when I allow these habits to creep into my life they overwhelm me.

Sometimes I am afraid of losing the battle but I keep fighting myself like Don Quichotte fought the windmills.
I am going to strive to overcome these habits.

This quote sits on my computer where I can see it every day, how often I forget these words.
" Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass....It's about learning to dance in the rain"















Let us wait for the sun to come out even it is only for five minutes, enjoy living in a different way as the good old days are lying behind us.
I walk towards the sunset and know that I will never make it to the end of the horizon.

The Old Sailor,

Homesick

Dear Bloggers,

I have been to the hospital again on the second of June, and had a few tests condition wise to check if there is anything in my lungs.
The next step is a CT scan and a bloodtest on different features again after the results or the bloodtest are known, they will call me for the scan. According to the lung specialist it is a very little chance Sarco but to be 100% sure they will make a scan.
I hope to be able to tell you more in a few weeks after the scan but the future looks a bit better
And now it is time for another story.



Homesick we are going to call it.
Although I enjoy being with my family, I do miss work somedays. It is not that I am not enjoying myself but you can call it a kind of homesick. I have been so used to my life on board that it is sometimes hard to find a bit of time for myself. On board I have my own cabin where you can be on your own and sit down and relax for a while.

My eldest daughter had to go on a overnight school journey and to my surprise she was feeling homesick. She is normally the one that is very independant and is not afraid to try new challenges. She probably just missed the idiotic jokes of her dad and the calmness of her mum. But it gives you as a parent on the other hand a good feeling, your child is missing you and her home. We cannot be all of us Nomads and travel through the desert of this dry and dull life.



Furthermore I find it hard to get used to the people around me that have a routine of weekends and working days. Especially now the holidays are coming they start to panic as in about four weeks they have to go and travel. (they all go run around like Kevin from the movie home alone) When they ask me if I have made any plans about where we should go, I have to tell them no. My daughters and me have been discussing where we should go this year and booked a hotel on the internet for a few days. We are not that hooked on campings or holiday parcs as we are not average tourists. We are just going there for a few nights and discover our surrounding when we are there. We are not really holding on to a budget as I do not want to think about money at all. I normally book a all inclusive holiday as that is the easiest and you don't have to search for a place to eat. Lunch of course we do on our way.



My family does not have any panic, we just pack our stuff that we need and see all surprises as a challenge. We just hop in the car and drive to our destination and even that has become easier as the navigation system leads us in 90% of the way. But one thing is for sure we are never in hurry and every two hours we switch places so we can enjoy the surrounding. I have never understood that the man has to drive the whole way, as this is leading to extra stress and a higher change on accidents.
Last year we did trips into town and left the car behind at the hotel, when you travel by public transport there is no stress as we have all day and no shedule. We just hop on a bus or tram and ask the locals what is good fun to see or to do. Better tourguides you cannot find as they know the city and tell you where you can find nice pubs and cosey restaurants where you can go for lunch. First of all your not in between the massive tourist crowds and the prices are quite normal. We are on a real adventure trip as we are not having many set goals, we just end up somewhere and learn a lot on our field trips.



When you ask the locals you find great little places like museums, playgrounds which are not on the tourist maps as they are not rich enough to go in the brochures are just being on the outskirts of the city. Strange enough none of us is being homesick, also my wife is enjoying her free days as we both take care of the kids. The kids are having a few basic rules to stick too, but for the rest they are free to play are whatever they are planning to do. So for everybody that needs to go on a holiday soon, remember to relax. Make sure that you are on a holiday too. Otherwise it is useless to go anyway. Do not make your schedule too tight and take care of your families safety all the time but do not overreact.

It is not you that is sick, it is all the others around you.

The Old Sailor,

We need a bit of luck and happiness in our lives.

Dear Bloggers,

One of my best mates is bullied at work, very audible as mature people act like infants. However, it got me to think, why does it give such a mental chant ?
So here are a few tips for the victims, or should I tell them cheer up and start to look at the bright side of life:




1. Luck: What exactly is happiness and how to obtain it?
Luck or should we call it happiness it is like a butterfly, all of sudden it is there and the next moment it was gone.
And that's good because fortunately these are moments that you should remember.
It is not constant, because then you would not sense it anymore.
It is like your norma surrounding. If you are being there every day, you're eyes would not catch the beauty of it anymore.
If you are going there on holiday it is new and you see how beautiful it is.
Luck, has to touch a string in you.

To obtain luck or happiness you have to leave something or to do something and that is precisely the intention of it.
You need to do something for it.
It is also your luck so you know yourself how to obtain it.
Maybe not always consciously, but unconsciously you know.

Happiness or luck is personal, feel inside yourself or go for it, do it or look for it, because most happiness you get trough looking and feeling.
You also need to be a more feeling person from deep within yourself and bring those feelings out.
Everyone has luck within him or herself, but you have to dare to show it to the outside world and dare to believe in yourself that it is there for you.
It is not needed to be big things that make you happy and feel good.
Happiness or luck is an intense love for yourself in a loving environment or situation.
So it is not about the other but about yourself.
Everyone must work for his own happiness, then you will get a confluence of the happiness of each other that radiates an intense love so very happy to be great for everyone.
As a large waterfall that starts small and grows.



2. Intense Living:
The weather here is nice and sunny so naturally we should exchange some ideas on paper.
See that butterfly, he lives an intense and short but he lives as if it was his last day.
He enjoys the sun and even the rain.
For example, you should live like it is your last day.
Not really, but intense, try it, but it will still not be easy.
And of course you do not want to think that it is your last day, but intend to live like it.
Look at people who are seriously ill, as they live there life if it depends on it.(an expression of your own, Old Sailor).




3. Anxiety and satisfaction:
But there are many more important things in your, and my life that are absolutely worth it.
That fear is and that is something we don't have but you do and that is actually a wrong thought or feeling, because you are being influenced by that fear and loose all your energy in it.
That is it, you lose energy with it and you have to get this from somewhere else again and where do you get that from?
So try to be the boss over your fear.
As you get this already during your childhood.
Fear is the greatest enemy of human happiness, it can even be in the way of your happiness if you let fear dominate.
Learn to deal with it in certain situations that require courage of you.
If you are overwhelmed by fear discarding a portion against love and talk to your friends.
You know that helps.
But you must itself begin to overcome.
This is another step to happiness and satisfaction.
Oh, yes, satisfaction, even something.



4. Lessons of life:
Oh dear, life is too good and too interesting to ignore it and let things lie around.
You say: that you onlylive once, that is an expression and life at the moment is of course only once, but you take so much with you to the next lives.
And the next time now on earth or anywhere else, it does not matter.
So see it as little things that you meet in life, and sometimes undergo.
Although it is not always fun, later you are proud of it, that you had to do this and you will see what you have learned out of this.
Life, whether you live your or our lives, and the lessons are very beautiful lessons that is something that you can take from me.



5. Old and enjoy:
Just as you think if someone is 80 that his time is coming soon.
This is a brainwashing.
You people should also not so busy and concerned with your age.
Age is not important.
It is not how long you've lived but how you have lived.
You may become very old but if you are 100, but had no fun in your life, you have reached the 100 but it also makes no sense.
Then you better become 60, but have enjoyed every minute of it.
Enjoy what you have and everything you are experiencing in life and that "you" does not include the stuff that you have, but what you have around you, the overall picture, people, friends, children, the place where you live, the whole, enjoy it. And the small precious moments of intense luck or happiness enjoy it and remember for what you are living.
You live to enjoy, not to be annoyed.
Enjoying makes life so much more precious, fuller and happier but you usually do not make any time free for it, or you normally run very hard past it.



As I wrote last time: And I think what messes us up the most is that we all have this perfect picture of the way things should be.. Well there will never be a perfect picture. The advice from my side is don't let your head hang down and fight this crazy situation as long as you believe in yourself, you will be someone.
So turn your face to the sun and the shadows will fall behind you.

The Old Sailor,

Slowly we are getting somewhere!

Dear Bloggers,

Do I have to call myself a “sick” man?
I went to the rheumatologist this week and it was getting a bit closer to a verdict, at least it is not rheuma, but on the x-ray of my lungs there were some doubts and I will be send to the next specialist.
On the second of June, I have an appointment with the lung specialist.
To do some more tests and hopefully to elimenate the Besnier - Boeck disease.
This disease is also quite good in hiding, although if you get the granulomas on your skin they are pretty obvious, I would say.
I have just been wandering why this disease is so hard to figure out, as we are having so much knowledge in this western society.
Oh... for crying out loud can somebody tell me what is going on.
I found the following item on the wikipedia site.(this is pretty depressing, nice stuff for rainy days.)





Sarcoidosis (sarcoid = sarcoma-like, -osis = a process), also called sarcoid or Besnier-Boeck disease, is a multisystem disorder characterized by non-caseating granulomas (small inflammatory nodules). The cause of the disease is still unknown. Virtually any organ can be affected; however, granulomas most often appear in the lungs or the lymph nodes. Symptoms usually appear gradually but can occasionally appear suddenly. The clinical course generally varies and ranges from asymptomatic disease to a debilitating chronic condition that may lead to death.





The cases that it leads to death are not even 5% but it seems to be difficult to diagnose it.
Maybe it might be more positive if they can elimenate sarcoidosis it will be diagnosed as fibromyalgia, a very painful but not destructive disease.
(anyway I will be placed on a course together with my wife how to deal with the pain and how to deal with practical things in life.)
Also for my partner is this a complete turn around and she will have to learn to help me in so many different ways.
As it will be difficult for the both of us to deal with the fact that I cannot do certain things in life anymore and she has to offer a helping hand.





Fibromyalgia (new lat., fibro- fibrous tissue, Gk. myo- muscle, Gk. algos- pain), meaning muscle and connective tissue pain (also referred to as FM or FMS), is a disorder classified by the presence of chronic widespread pain and a heightened and painful response to gentle touch (tactile allodynia).[1] Other core features of the disorder include debilitating fatigue, sleep disturbance, and joint stiffness.

I was also send to dietician to loose some weight and get another style and rythm of eating.
As soon as they have diagnosed what it is, I will be send to a fysiotherapist to learn to move in the right way and have breaks in between and to force myself to rest, eventhough I have a good day.





It is great to finally know what it might be, but on the other hand it is scarey.
Thank god the sun is shining on this cloudy medical future.
Well let me end with the following qoutes:"That pain doesn't hurt me, neither does life, it doesn't matter what happens, I will survive!" and "I think what messes us up the most is that we all have this perfect picture of the way things should be.. So turn your face to the sun and the shadows will fall behind you."

The Old Sailor,

painful fingers

Dear Bloggers,

If you find yourself moved to write me about something, you may reasonably expect to get an answer.
That isn’t likely to happen, though, and I’d like to tell you why. I simply cannot be your pen pal.



Three or four months ago I woke up one morning, showered, dressed, grabbed a cup of coffee and jumped in my car to go somewhere.
That was when I discovered that overnight, without warning, my right hand had so enfeebled itself that I couldn’t turn the key in the ignition.
The rest of my body seemed to be aswell affected, so I reached over with my left hand to start the car, meaning to ask my doctor what the hell was going on this time at the next chance I got.



I will start from the beginning I went to my own doctor and told her about my stiff fingers and being totally stiff in the morning hours.
As we came to the conclusion that I had mentioned this last winter as she looked through my files.
We blamed it on the cold and moisty weather and that it would disappear when springweather would come.
A few months later I took up the talk again as there was no progress in my situation.
There are good days and there are bad days.
It is getting so bad that getting up in the morning has become a challenge.
The morning stiffness is the biggest issue, after a hot shower I am getting slowly in motion.

I ended up talking to a doctor of internal diseases and an eye doctor, being subjected to various high-tech tests.
What’s going on appears to be a rheumatological problem.
Fortunately for me, they take their time about it, but they’re pretty thorough.
The fingers of my right hand are the worst affected so far.
What makes that annoying is that I use that hand for writing.
At least the first draft of a lot of my blogs was written by hand.



That option is no longer open to me, because my handwriting, always atrocious, is now often quite illegible even to me.
Also my job is getting to heavy and it is bitter if you have to give up on something you like.
One of the biggest problems is the fatigue attacks and the sleeping disorder.
Being tired all day is very heavy, but I am starting to turn things around.
The pain I am living quite good through, although it is hard sometimes.
I try to see the positive sides of my situation.
If I go out for a walk to get my body in motion, I breath in the fresh air and enjoy what nature is showing.



Remains the computer.
That still works for me, but not easily.
I can still touch-type with my left hand (in the old days at almost about fifty words a minute not superfast but good enough) but the right hand can only hunt-and-peck with the forefinger.
Not that I was that good in typing with all fingers something I never learned eventhough I had a course in it.
Isn’t life hilarious?

This is bad news.
It’s horribly slow and prone to a million mistakes, which I have to correct as I go along, and, worst of all, after a page or two my right index finger begins to get pretty painful.
So my writing time, whether for blogs, letters or any other task, is limited. Therefore, at least until I finish a couple of things I really want to write, correspondence time is squeezed even harder than my cervical nerves.
A blog like this normally took me one or two hours, now it takes up to four days.



And listen, this isn’t a plea for sympathy.
Hey, I’m 41 years old.
That means that I am far luckier than most of the people I know in being still able to write at all.
It’s just to say that if you ever happen to think you should properly have had a longer letter or mail from me, or indeed any letter or mail at all, it isn’t that I don’t treasure you, it’s just that my fingers hurt.

The Old Sailor,

Spring has come at last

Dear Bloggers,

Spring has come at last to the low country.
Heralded in by the song of the frogs in the duck pond, the roaring sound of agricultural machinery is all around.
The air is alive with the constant song of native birds, the melody and harmony of all these birds is telling the story of the spring.

I used to say I can tell the season by my hands.
Yes, it’s spring.
A blister from shoveling, a blood blister from pliers, a torn cuticle from a hammer, a cut finger from barbed wire, and more.
My hands are swollen in the mornings when I wake up.
I do not like that feeling.
I know they have worked.
My hands are my tools.
Their idle time is over.
My wedding ring no longer fits.
I managed to squeeze it off, rather painfully, and now I am waiting to see if we can have it stretched to accommodate the swelling.
I miss the feel of the simple metal band, no longer there on my hand where I expect to feel it.



Also my hands and wrists are swelling up now and I have days that I cannot wear my watch as it is too painful.
And working in the garden is long time ago.
When I was diagnosed with costocohondritis and figured out that my body was my enemy in this case.
Ok I still was mowing the lawn on good days, but shoveling or redoing the tiles and oiling the deck has not been my job anymore.
Although my wife has taken over these jobs and my kids are helping to pick the weed, I really feel manytimes that I became useless.
Sometimes I sit down and cry as I can hardly bear it that my body has so given up on me.
Everyday is different and I experienced pain in the strangest places.
Although it hurts like hell every now and then, I keep on going as everybody tells me to keep in motion.


A good reason to keep on moving

A biking tour from 30km as in my “old days” I can dream about that, but if I can keep up on doing my daily tour of 3 km.
When I come home I am fully done and crash into a deep sleep on the couch.
What the **** has happened to the old me.
It is not that I want you to feel sorry for me but it can be mighty frustrating,
I try to enjoy life as much as possible.
There are enough negative people in this world.
I am doing my best to make my wife and kids as happy as I possibly can.

Living off in the countryside has given me the opportunity to experience my fair share of country stories.
Most of which, I really can not tell you… but here’s one that is rather appropriate.
It involves herbal love… and gardening!
The days that I was young I had a teacher who was much into herbs.
They lived very close to nature and they were nearly never sick.



Now I am having pain and the medical people can still not really figure out what is attacking my body from inside.
The only thing they give you are painkillers (bad motherfuckers) as you are being high of them all the time and your body is ending up with a lot of toxic waste.
When I asked the therapist if there was a friendlier way of taking the pain.
She laughed and said I cannot cure you but maybe I can make your live less painful. But do not expect miracles, well it is a bit short term but I am using a little less painkillers.
It is a herbal mix and I have too follow the schedule, let’s hope it will give more results on the long term.


The flower that might give some relief

My question is why are these people still placed in the corner of witches and charlatans?
Why don’t we look at nature as a pharmacy and we still have not discovered all curing plants.
And why are all these doctors so afraid of these natural healers is this only because of money?
I should think that they should join eachother and believe in eachothers knowledge. So we need to spend less money on finding the right medication by listening to the patient.
I am quite a sceptic if it comes to medication at all, but I am not afraid to try new things.

I am waiting for less rainy days in my life.

The Old Sailor,

Bad days can have good moments

Dear Bloggers,

For now this will be the last blog written after work as I will write the coming ones from ashore Due to heavy pain caused by some kind of arthritis like problem, I have had a few bad days but I have enjoyed the good moments of them. It is just that the job is becoming too heavy for me at this point and I have to live on strong painkillers just to make it through the day. So I will call in sick for the next few months and hope that they can at least give me a diagnoses of what is hitting me so hard.


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I must say my days go pretty well. I'm past feeling burdened by every thought, sight, body movement, and interpersonal interaction. I've moved into a phase of feeling mostly like myself while still experiencing moments of muscle cramps and muscle aches each day. (Surprise!)
Only the nights are like a cheap horror movie, I wake up in the middle of the night due to this razor blade sharp pain attacks and they come without any pre-warnings. I have to get up and go for a hot shower too take the sharp edges off.



A wise and elderly person (my dear mum) told me years back when I was a little sailor, that even when it is though times you have to try and look for the sunny side of live, and it can be pretty clouded I can tell you.



"Sometimes it's hard for you to keep up the dance of daily life while you are processing your feelings. Nevertheless, you can do it, even if you are hurting inside. Keep in mind that your emotions are raw and tender now; they wouldn't survive in their present form if they were on public display. Don't judge yourself negatively; you'll know when to share your heart."

I read this once somewhere and saved it in my notes for later and look it became useful today .

I thought that was pretty applicable! I am keeping up that dance. From the outside, all looks normal with me. (I think. I hope!) And I feel fairly normal — for good, long stretches of every day — from the inside. Although it is sometimes hard to laugh, when you are in a lot of physical pain, and having a sunny character that is held back by medication.





But inside is definitely where I'm keeping what remains of those raw, tender emotions and cutting through pain of all parts that can move. I've reached a point at which I don't feel better letting my emotions out. Talking about them doesn't help, but hanging on a bit and nursing them does. I am simply not the person that wants to be someone they feel sorry for. I hold my head up high as long as I can.

All in all, I'd say time is doing its thing.

The Old Sailor,

What is the cause?

Dear Bloggers,

I am quite a humorous person and not really that old, ok I have a few grey hares but still I do not except that people stand up for me or feel sorry for me. It is just that my body is refusing to work with me. This means that I have to stop working for a while and that is even more painful for me. The frustrating part is that giving a diagnose is not that easy. I checked on several sites and forums and my goodness there are a lot of sad stories (for some it took more than 4 years to find a suitable diagnose.)






The following parts I found on the internet and now me and the doctors have to pick one of the diagnoses or what ?









Fibromyalgia is considered to be a syndrome—a set of symptoms that occur together but do not have a known cause. There are theories as to what may cause it, but there is not enough evidence to support any single theory. People—especially women—who have a family member with fibromyalgia are more likely to develop it themselves. It has been recognized as a medical disorder only since the 1980s.
Some theories suggest that fibromyalgia may be linked to:
• Oversensitive nerve cells in the spinal cord and brain. Oversensitivity may be due to changes in chemicals in the brain or spinal cord that regulate pain. As a result, the person senses pain more easily, and widespread muscle pain occurs.
• An imbalance in the brain chemicals that control mood, which results in a lowered tolerance for pain and may also cause an unrestful sleep cycle and fatigue. Once this happens, a person becomes less physically active, and the muscles and tissues become more sensitive and painful and more easily irritated.
• An imbalance of hormones such as cortisol and growth hormone. Their release is controlled by the pituitary gland and the hypothalamus. Imbalances of these hormones can result in fatigue, mood changes, concentration and memory difficulties, a lowered tolerance for pain, and other symptoms.
• A disturbance in the deep phase of sleep. Some chemicals, such as growth hormone, are secreted by the body during this phase of sleep. If sleep is disrupted, the body produces less of the hormone. Disturbed sleep may be both a cause and an effect of the pain of fibromyalgia.
Many people connect the beginning of their fibromyalgia symptoms to a certain event. These events can include an illness such as the flu, an injury or surgery, or emotional trauma and stress. An event of this type combined with other factors, such as increased sensitivity to pain and an ongoing sleep disturbance, may lead to fibromyalgia syndrome in some people.





Or is it Lyme disease?





Lyme Disease Symptoms
• The initial infection can occur with minimal or no symptoms. But many people experience a flulike primary illness or a characteristic rash several days to a few weeks following a tick bite.
• The flulike illness usually occurs in the warm weather months when flu (influenza) does not occur.
• The rash is a red rash that grows in size daily. It is called erythema migrans.
The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) defines this rash as a skin lesion that typically begins as a red spot and expands over a period of days to weeks to form a large round lesion, at least 5 cm (about 2 inches) across. A red circular spot which begins within hours and is smaller is usually a reaction to the tick bite.
When the rash occurs at the site of the tick bite, it is called a primary lesion. Multiple secondary lesions can occur that are a reaction to the infection and are not due to multiple tick bites. All of these lesions can grow up to the to the size of a football. This growing in size is characteristic of Lyme disease.
• Left untreated, symptoms of the primary illness usually will go away on their own within a few weeks although the rash may reoccur.
• Later, additional symptoms may occur. The organs affected later may lead to the following conditions:
Facial palsy is paralysis of the facial nerve that causes the facial muscles to be uneven (This may get better without treatment.)
Nerve inflammation causes numbness and tingling in the arms or legs
Intermittent episodes of arthritis last about a week and usually involve the knee or wrist. These may recur over periods of weeks to months, and if the Lyme disease remains untreated, about 10% of people who have these episodes develop persistent arthritis in the knee. Occasionally, people with Lyme disease can present with an acute arthritis in the knee without a clear history of a rash or other joint complaints.
Inflammation of the heart (carditis) results in irregularities in heart rhythm.


I am all at sea ......................... lalalala, long live the painkillers.





All in all I am fitting nearly in both pictures, is there anybody that is not a 100% sure of what it is. But it is time to hurry with at least a treatment.

The Old Sailor,