Am I losing it?

Dear Bloggers,

The question is: am I losing it?

As all these doctors keep on telling me that I am overweight, something that they have been telling me for years now and nobody is taking action.
So I went to a dieticien to find out what I should do differently eatingwise.
When it is sunny I don't have many problems although people selling ice cream are very nice people, and with two young kids it is hard to get past them.




I am doing my best but sometimes I have to give in, most of the time I am strong enough to say no.
On rainy days I am facing the hard times, but when I feel for a snack I go for fruit now.
But of course all the bad things are still there as my kids still get candy, crisps, cookies and so on.(they don't have to suffer.)


People around me are telling me that I am getting a bit slimmer and I promissed the dietician to leave the weighingscale for what it is.
Checking all the time does not make you happier she said but can actually make you very frustrated.
Listen to your heart and the people around you that should be enough.
So from that point of view I have to think that losing 40 kilos is not going to be that easy.















Today is one of those days, feeling down, feeling blue, nothing clicks for me. It’s raining, it’s pouring, my life seems so boring.
Nothing is really wrong, just this overwhelming feeling of nothingness and unacceptable hunger attacks.
Let’s see if I can find 10 things in my life that are not nothing but everything.















1. I have a roof over my head, our house is dry inside, warm inside and houses me and my family really well.
2. My daughter is walking around sniffing her nose, last signs of the cold she had this weekend. She smiles at me and gives a kiss.
3. The laptop is working very well, it gives all support in writing the blog and never complains of me hitting his keys.
4. People look at my blogs, read articles and leave comments. Blogging is connecting most of all, leaving comments is connecting.
5. Finding my voice in writing is becoming easier. Every time I type the word ‘think” I begin feeling again. This way my posts are from the heart rather than the head. My head can be emptied by listening to the heart.
6. I had a good sleep last night and already had two delicious cappucino’s! Mind you, some days coffee makes my day.
7. Vision, I can still see with both my eyes even though the vision in my life is not always that clear. [Can you see how I am going to be negative again, what a habit.]
8. In Midspringtime my garden is already flowering. Midspring is cold, rainy and not the time for the flowers to come out. Midsummer is still a long way to go at least that is what it looks like at the moment.
9. I just found this quote: ‘If I know what love is, it is because of you.’ by Hermann Hesse.
10. I get inspiration by reading about how to connect with other people through the net and end up on total different pages again.




There was a really good chance of rain today but it didn't rain.
It amazes me how rainy days affect my mood.
I was all prepared for the onslaught of a torrential rain and it didn't happen.
The Weather Man says its coming tonight and tomorrow, and I will try again to prepare myself for the sleepy, drowsy, weepy mood rain puts me in.
I don't know why rain affects me that way but it does, another thing I need to learn to deal with.
I may never learn to love the rain, as many times rain means pain but I will learn to live with it.
And I will learn to dance in the rain eventhough I am not that rhytmic.
I have so many bad eating habits that affect me like the rain,when I allow these habits to creep into my life they overwhelm me.

Sometimes I am afraid of losing the battle but I keep fighting myself like Don Quichotte fought the windmills.
I am going to strive to overcome these habits.

This quote sits on my computer where I can see it every day, how often I forget these words.
" Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass....It's about learning to dance in the rain"















Let us wait for the sun to come out even it is only for five minutes, enjoy living in a different way as the good old days are lying behind us.
I walk towards the sunset and know that I will never make it to the end of the horizon.

The Old Sailor,