On the bus

Dear Bloggers,


When I finally past my test for safety reasons, I could tell my family that I had become a bus driver, my test was a mixture of disapproval and deep compassion. I had been a truck driver a few years ago. But driving these two machines are totally different things.

"Yes, good for you," they said, "and we are very sorry as you liked your old job so much. But in your case this it might be a good option in this economy, sometimes you just have to do what you have to do."

What was I expecting, a congratulatory handshake or a roaring crowd? After all, in just two short weeks, I had learned the difference between a cement truck and a city bus, and all the electronics and tickets that come with it. Learning how to deal with passengers is an easy job for me as I have a wide range of experience.

But how could I blame others for their ignorance towards bus drivers when I, too, had once basked in the luxury of a cozy office inside a ship? When I had to travel to or from the ship I needed sometimes to take the bus. And that has inspired me to get my licence as I might get an other job in the future. But due to my health I had to make this choice a lot earlier than I had planned.

"Driving a bus is a huge responsibility," said one driver, my first day on the job.

"We are carrying precious cargo," said another.

But the professionalism demonstrated by the Central Station of Groningen as you have to drive your bus through a very narrow alleyway. I can tell you that this is a real challenge for new bus drivers as it goes beyond simple straight forward driving. Keep your head cool and soon it will get easier. I think it is scarey driving a brand new bus of april this year. They actually trust you that you will take care.

But being a good driver means a hell lot more.When a kid leaves a lunchbox on the bus, if they can, they will return it. Otherwise it will be handed in at lost and found at the main terminal. If they spot a dangerous situation, they will warn the other drivers and their traffic controllers. But it goes even further.

"Every year, I worry that my son's bus driver won't be back the next year," one parent told me. "We count on him!" Unless someone could actually replace him. It is hard for the mentally disabled kids but things are changing and also bus drivers go on pension one day.

Some student walk a few extra blocks just to ride with her favorite driver. That is how different your public reacts.

So, from a rookie's perspective, thank you for the opportunity to be a part of a truly professional team. From a dad's perspective, thank you for taking such good care of our young passengers that travel on their own. And from the perspective of a unemployed homeowner, thank you for your immeasurable contribution to the community to give me the chance to do this job.

A uniform will come next week, so one more week in private clothing and it is complete.

The Old Sailor,

Counting down to a big change...........or will this be amrageddon for me.

Dear Bloggers,


I wanted Bruce Willis to play the starring role in a movie about my life. I wanted to write a book about my job the way Paolo Coelho does. I wanted to speak to large groups of eager educators and make them laugh with my nutty remarks. These were all goals of mine when I was not suffering from anything, and was full of energy and ideas before I started sailing. I wanted to find happiness through success and this would only happen if you worked hard and did your very best. At least that was what I thought when I started years back making something out of my miserable life, when I did my days in the army I had to find a job to make some money. I was motivated and focused to make a difference and become something in live. I started off as a dishwasher in a local hotel and worked myself up as a bartender and waiter in the hotel restaurant. After a few years I became headwaiter.

Unfortunately there was only work in the summertime and during the winters I did many different tempsjobs. I worked in factories, became an iceskate essembler, was taxidriver and freelanced in the weekends as a bartender in one of the bigger towns. After a few years I had finished my education as
bartender/waiter and dreamt about earning good money and start my own bar elsewhere. First of all I went to Australia with a friend and worked for a wholesaler in Sydney. We made enough money to support ourselves and had a good time. But when the recession broke out we lost our jobs and had to turn back after a few months that was the first setback in my life, but soon I carried on.

And that spring I found a new challenge I wanted to become a sailor with a great salary. My past from the army gave some hindrances and I had to try again, and I ended up on a cruiseship. The life onboard was not very glamorous and the sun and Jim Beam became my best friends. When I came back home I applied for a job as a bartender on a ferry again. This was luxury compared to the liner as I had my own cabin. I hoped that I could climb up the carreerladder and be headbartender at least. Those where all soapbubbles about to burst as in the higher ranks there was no place for me and I saw a lot of good and bad "bosses" in my sailing days. The months between contracts and ships I filled with doing temp jobs and later on I worked as a freight driver. I drove the big cemetmixing trucks and delivered beers and soda for the Heineken company. Until I could not lift heavy anymore due to costochondritis and I needed to do an office job. I started to work as a receptionist on board again.

Everything was going exactly as I had hoped for and planned. I got a job onboard a ferry to the United Kingdom and everything in life was picking up again and we bought a new house to have more space. I never felt at home in this house so we did put up the for sale sign again and will move back to where we came from. The housing market is very slow and we did not have any serious buyers, but we have time as we do not need to sell. If we sell it, it is another part of my life that can be closed. There were good moments and bad moments for us and believe me there were more bad than good ones. It relieved me when my wife agreed with me that I could not really be happy here and that we both missed the lake, why did we move here anyway? My wife and I wanted to live closer to her parents so they could easier help out babysitting. We hardly ever had any benefit out of it and our kids went to a nanny two blocks away.

I did a good job as there were not many complaints on my behalf, paperwork was not my hobby and will never be. And I really enjoyed what I was doing although there were deadlines to catch. And those deadlines were giving me at least a lot of stress situations as I was mr. plentyfix and I could turn a bad situation into a reasonable one. Until the load was getting to heavy as I could not say NO. When slowly my body started to give up on me. It started with pain in my hands and fingers.The rest of my body quickly followed and by the next month, I was changed into an old man as I was completely turned into a rheumatic person. I was diagnosed with FMS is a rare neurological condition that involves neurotransmitters giving the wrong signals and telling the system of muscles and the nerves throughout the body that I should feel pain. It is rarely damaging, but recovery can be very slow and often patients are left with residual effects. There is also the possibility of relapse when you have a lot of stress.

After being diagnosed with fibromyalgia by the rheumatologist from the local hospital, I was in good health, but body and mind were still ravaged from the syndrome. I was unable to stand or walk for a longer period of time and had very poor use of my hands. I spent the next three months in a local health center where I received three intense therapy sessions a week. By the end of the summer. I was fully discharged from the care of doctors and specialists and had no residual effects. I felt nearly like the same person I was the day before this all started. At least, I thought I was the same person. Until a moisty day came along and I was hit by muscle pains from hell.

Life is like a pop quiz. You can’t plan for it and you only get one chance to do your best. My breakthrough came one day in rehab when I was asking for help to get through everything. I stopped asking when I realized that I had to beat this on my own. I needed to listen to people who couldn’t help
themselves and reach them a helping hand. I knew that I was strong enough to fight this battle with my body and I felt left alone. I learned life doesn’t follow your planner or your schedule. I had to learn to walk instead of running all the time. Life has only one purpose…to happen. If you only focus on all the things that can go wrong and being afraid that your body will give up, you will simply miss the beauty in the things that happen around you and also the small successes that you book yourself. I changed a lot during the course of those months, but more than anything, my belief in the power of the human spirit changed the most. People are capable of extraordinary things. We all have the power to take our current situations in life and make them better. The road to change is littered with obstacles, but they are not permanent hindrances, only temporary roadblocks.

I returned to recently to the job market and applied for lighter jobs the last few months and quickly I realized things were different. From a sailor with no energyloss, I had become a relaxed housedaddy that does not care about stressed situations anymore. A new episode in my book of life had started by ripping out the balck pages. I felt like I was watching someone else and I soon realized that it was the new me. That man in the faded green shirt wasn’t the man who started of this year as a slightly handicapped person. I no longer wanted to change the world. I didn’t want any awards or taps on my shoulder, telling me that I did a good job. I wanted to be happy and I couldn’t be that as a sailor do to the long working days, I needed to start off in something completely new. This summer, I will say goodbye to my career as a sailor and take a job as a busdriver on the citybus with a limited amount of working hours. While taking a drop in pay and, in some peoples eyes, taking a step backwards in my career, I found I had taken a huge step forward. I was doing something again, working with people something I cared deeply about.

I will start working again on Monday and I am really looking forward to it, as it has been a tough year with a lot of ups and downs. And people in offices that do not understand at all why you want to go back to work so badly. They do not see the financial trouble that you have as you need to fight the governments to get some benefits that you are entitled to. Also sitting at home is not my hobby and I am defenitly a lousy housekeeper. The disadvantage that you have as your curriculum vitae tells that you are a person full with adventure as you did so many different jobs. And the lack of experience will give you a lot of rejected applications and therefor very stressfull.

In addition to a change in my career, I had a change in my priorities. I decided to put my wife and family first and everything else as a distant second. I focused on being a "good" husband and having a happy marriage. I rediscovered my passion for my wife and also for recreative cycling, something I had started to lose during my last years of sailing. I took advantage of every good weather day and made sure that I would get a fair set of kilometres on the clock and biked like it was my last day on Earth. Of course the next day I was hoping it was the last day on Earth as usual I was a complete wreck due to the pain as I had overdone it again. I was totally out of balance and I could not except that the old me was not coming back. A psychologist told me that there was no need for finding the old me as he was dead and buried.

Together with my doctor, fysiotherapist, ergotherapist and a dietician I have put my life on the tracks again. And my train is not the fastest but at least it is rolling again. Only when we go uphill we need a bit of help, all the other parts I do without any help. The big difference with the old train is that this one has a break and there is no doubt that it will be used. The new me looks quite similair to the old me but inside there have been big changes.

Hopefully the new me will be a success and I do not need to get higher up. I have the ambition to do a job as good as it gets. I still hope one day there’s a movie made about me. I still hope Bruce Willis will be in the starring role. I still want to write a book. I still want to speak to large groups. These are all goals of mine. I am still motivated and focused. But I have to take care about my energy levels and make sure that my body can handle it. I now hope to find success through happiness. I want to be me…and I’m fine enough with that. Maybe I should change my hair, my house, my clothes, my future, my soul and my name.

How would that sound "The Old Busdriver?"

The Old Sailor,

Finally back to work again

Dear Bloggers,


I am 42 and live in Friesland, and I would love to work, but benefits agency UWV gives me hard time. Yet I am now only a busdriver with a lack of experience. It was difficult but I have paid my own training and exams so I made it myself. Yet I feel that the benefits agency does not enough for me to get me to work. I am applying to everything that is available and possible for me to do. If it comes to jobs it is pretty hard to find a suitable job in the Northern regions as there are not that many available.

I worked for a period of time as a truck driver. In 2005 I all of a sudden suffered from a sudden pain between the ribs when I was loading and unloading. Still I continued working until that one wet summerday, during that day with heavy rain I got a bad pneumonia. Pain in the ribs and the result was that subsequently lifting became impossible and that's difficult when you bring around beer kegs. I ended up in hospital and got into the sickness benefits as part of my left lung had collapsed, after a period of recovery I could sometimes on a good day I was able to drive a concrete mixing truck

I could not even walk normally and also went to the pain clinic in hospital as the pain got worse and worse. After a year and a half it was a lot better with me and I wanted to work again. From my eighteenth I've already been working fulltime jobs. First in the hospitality and later on the truck. I've never sat still one minute and always worked hard. I was getting crazy sitting at home doing nothing. But if I was doing to much again I was punished straight away. The pain pulling through felt like having a cardial problem and that was how the medics reacted the first few times and I was rushed by ambulance to the emergency room.

My body was examined in hospital and the diagnosis of Tietze's syndrome led to another and lighter kind of job search, until suddenly a job as a receptionist onboard of a ferry presented itself through an "old" colleague, who knew me already from my restaurant years. I had worked for this boss before and was already familiar with sailing. So that was not a big deal to get used again to the sailing life.

I could not consume all my happiness in this job as after three years out of nothing my body gave up on me and I got stuck in the sickness benefits again and thus lost my job, getting back was not an option because, according to Danish doctors due to my sickness I was 80 to 100 percent disapproved and the labor market I could not enter due to this diagnoses. To be eligible for a benefit in Netherlands I had to be approved as healthy. In my country they say it is something that you have so just get used to it, the doctors don't even take it as a serious matter. So why was it approved by the World Health Organisation in my country.  And so it happened that I was all of a sudden fully fit again. (on paper)

And that just that my illness is mentioned here only as a condition and it is difficult to be in between two camps (countries) that are having a totally different opinion. In my last reassessment, I became pretty angry about this matter. "But according to you guys there is nothing wrong with me, at least that is what you say so I am fit enough to enter the labour market fully," I yelled at the doctor. And I said that I otherwise would have to work illegal and when I would collapse we would see what will happen. The doctor decided to take the matter into his own hands, and gave me the answer "But you can always get back later into the sickness benefit." If I am feeling well I may fully work?
Hmm.... strange that I am a 100% fit to work and that I can do everything I want. I hope very soon to begin as a bus driver. Twenty hours until thirty hours per week I will bring everyone from point A to point B. Of course I had a medical exam and there is nothing that should obstruct me in my job.

It took several months for the people of the UWV realized that I'm unstopable, they approved me well and hopefully will also my benefit money partly stop. Driving on the bus that's my new challenge in this life and experience is the big stumbling block for the employers. Because yes, I think that working with people is great. "But I'd better be listening to my body now and I already had a wonderful job at sea, but the high stress level in this case was the killer. When I see how relaxed I am now, I am thinking sometimes. ''This should have happened much earlier, when I was still in a good "shape".Although this will be a job on a temporary base, I will be starting a new episode in my life.

The Old Sailor

Careerwomen are not really sexy

Dear Bloggers,


If you are without a job and you are waiting for your kids at school, you automaticly look at the mums that are standing there. And I must say not many of them would in anyway arouse me. But something was hitting me that the women with their own career talk to you differently then the ones with a parttime job or just being a housewife. Don't get me wrong as I am a persons that thinks that we all should be equal, if it comes to kids, salary or whatsoever.

The ones with a full career are fully dressed up, and complain about changes in the school schedule. These women have the big plus that they can buy everything they want, but are they really happy? The ones being more at home are being more social as well. They chitchat with you about daily news and about their kids, they are more relaxed about themselves and their relation. Funny enough they have gained a bit more weight after childbirth and they have never lost those kilo's again. Not very attractive I think but I do not have to sleep with them.

How do women, careers and marriage mix? Not well at least that is what I would say. Most of these careertigers are having marital or other relation problems. The kids being the victims in this fight have been the glue for a couple of years as there was no time for love. After a working day there is the household to do. So they have hardly any time for eachother and that will give large cracks in your marriage and will lead in most of the cases to a divorce. First of all I thought that this was only the issue in my surroundings, but after reading about it I see it is all over the world happening.

Guys: a word of advice. Marry pretty women or ugly ones. Short ones or tall ones. Blondes or brunettes. Just, whatever you do, don't marry a woman with a career.

Why? Because if many social scientists are to be believed, you run a higher risk of having a bumpy and rocky marriage. While everyone knows that marriage can be stressful, recent studies have found professional women are more likely to get divorced, more likely to cheat and less likely to have children. And if they do have kids, they are more likely to be unhappy about it. A recent study in Social Forces, a research journal, found that women--even those with a "feminist" outlook--are happier when their husband is the primary breadwinner.

Not a happy conclusion, especially given that many men, particularly successful men, are attracted to women with similar goals and aspirations. And why not? After all, your typical career girl is well educated, ambitious, informed and engaged. All seemingly good things, right? Sure … at least until you get married. Then, to put it bluntly, the more successful she is, the more likely she is to grow dissatisfied with you. Sound familiar?

If a host of studies are to be believed, marrying these women is asking for trouble. If they quit their jobs and stay home with the kids, they will be unhappy . They will be unhappy if they make more money than you do . You will be unhappy if they make more money than you do. You will be more likely to fall ill . Even your house will be dirtier.

Why? Well, despite the fact that the link between work, women and divorce rates is complex and controversial, much of the reasoning is based on a lot of economic theory and a bit of common sense. In classic economics, a marriage is, at least in part, an exercise in labor specialization. Traditionally, men have tended to do "market" or paid work outside the home, and women have tended to do "nonmarket" or household work, including raising children. All of the work must get done by somebody, and this pairing, regardless of who is in the home and who is outside the home, accomplishes that goal. Nobel laureate Gary S. Becker argued that when the labor specialization in a marriage decreases--if, for example, both spouses have careers--the overall value of the marriage is lower for both partners because less of the total needed work is getting done, making life harder for both partners and divorce more likely. And, indeed, empirical studies have concluded just that.

The other reason a career can hurt a marriage will be obvious to anyone who has seen his or her mate run off with a co-worker: When your spouse works outside the home, chances increase that he or she will meet someone more likable than you. "The work environment provides a host of potential partners," Hmmm..... how strange, "and individuals frequently find themselves spending a great deal of time with these individuals."

There's more: According to a wide-ranging review of the published literature, the highly educated people are more likely to have had extramarital sex. Additionally, individuals who earn more than € 30,000 a year are more likely to cheat.

And if the cheating leads to divorce, you're really in trouble. Divorce has been positively correlated with higher rates of alcoholism, clinical depression and suicide. Other studies have associated divorce with increased rates of cancer, stroke, and sexually transmitted disease. Plus, divorce is financially devastating. According to one recent study on "Marriage and Divorce's Impact on Wealth," published in The Journal of Sociology, divorced people see their overall net worth drop an average of 77%.

So why not just stay single? Because, academically speaking, a solid marriage has a host of benefits beyond just individual "happiness." There are broader social and health implications as well. "What Do We Know About the Benefits of Marriage?," marriage is positively associated with "better outcomes for children under most circumstances" and higher earnings for adult men, and "being married and being in a satisfying marriage are positively associated with health and negatively associated with mortality." In other words, a good marriage is associated with a higher income, a longer, healthier life and better-adjusted kids.

A word of caution, though: It's important not to confuse correlation with causation. In other words, just because married folks are healthier than single people, it doesn't mean that marriage is causing the health gains. It could just be that healthier people are more likely to be married.

I will put on my apron grab my feather-duster, run around the house with the hoover and do the dishes and think it's not so bad the life that we are living. If I might get bored (I don't think so) I could bake a cake, yeah right! For me it is about time that I get a daytime job again as I am slowly sliding off, I might start to like it as I see my kids every day. I apply to every suitable job but who wants to hire a greyhaired over forty and a dissability to do a fultime job.

The Old Sailor,

If your dreams get crazy

Dear Blogger,

As the weather is wet and moisty, my body is not my friend as everything is being sore again. I am using since a long time my painkillers again. I am not much of a dreamer but last night I woke up and had this weird dream about working a dull office job. As I am still unemployed and they give me advise to do an office job and I am really scared to end up in a job that would kill the happines in me. To give you an impression of what was happening in my dream, I wrote the following story. It is not that I do not respect people that work in offices or call centres but it scares the crap out of me if I needed to stay all day in between of these four walls, time for the story so sit back and relax.

I'm all at sea ", if only for a day


The city provides a sad sight. The rain drizzles down. People with umbrellas raised high above their heads, they can walk as fast as they can to get into their heated homes or buildings. The facades give a gray, sad impression in this miserable rain. The busy traffic, what the weather does not decrease roars past me. The wheels of the cars splash through the rain puddles. Deeply wrapped in my long raincoat I walk through the streets. It is a new day and a new job.

I do not look forward to do this job. Slowly I slander towards the building. Too soon, against my will, I stand before the cold gray office building. Workatmosphere immediately faces you when you get inside. It feels like a cold shower above my head is turned on. I walk into the large concrete staircase, which brings me to my department. My new boss of me looks at his watch. For the first time in my life I am late on the job. Then he walks away disapprovingly. I sigh and put my sodden raincoat to dry on the heater. With a thud I sit down in my black office chair that protested against my weight. I press the button of the computer "power" on it. The screen I enter with a blow because otherwise it does not work.

I grab from my pen tray one of my gnawed pencils. I slander, armed with pencil and sharpener to the bin. When I arrive at the bin I am grinding a nice sharp point on my pencil. Then I walk back over the dusty, especially gray office carpet in my office. I lean back in my big chair. My colleagues are busy with their work. Yes, I work at a large call center. The men and women here are busy with some stencils to boost up their sales. You hear the tapping of keyboards. Somewhere in the distance a cell phone goes off. Nervously they talk to each other because using a mobile device is punishable by dismissal. I look gloomily out of the window.

I see another large gray officebuilding. There will be almost the same things going on as here at least that is what I think. Tapping of keyboards. Ringing telephones. Busy chattering people. Rustling papers. No, I have nothing to complain I have a beautiful view here. But wherever you look, everywhere you see the same gray office buildings. With my mouse I move the white arrow on the screen, double click. My mails are opened. Big huge letters let me know that I have five unread messages in my inbox. I click bored on one of the mails. My eyes fly over the lines. 'What's wrong with you''' asks a voice I tear my eyes from the screen, and I look blurred at my colleague. Abruptly I pull up my shoulders. ,, Let's go and have a break! The customer must be happy at the end of the day but we as call agents need occasionally a bite to eat.''

Oh, yes that's right, I should now take better care of myself.” Duty calls again and yes I should be happy with this job because there is not much work in this area. I sigh and rise to start again at my new job for the coming hours. I frog on the concrete stairs and I hang my wet raincoat back on the heating. Get inside and go hunting for new customers. After one day of answering calls from both nice and happy customers and badly mannered persons and completely numb from all the new things that I need to learn.

I walk with appropriate step down the concrete stairs. The smell of exhaust fumes hits my nostrils and the rain falls relentlessly. Slowly I walk to the bus stop, and it had it's best time. The windows were smashed, and the bench is stained with chewing gum and graffiti. On the roof is sitting a set of thick gray citypigeons nestled deep into their warm plumage. The bus is coming and stops at the shabby bus stop. I step into the bus. Despite the weather it is actually very quiet in the bus. I sit down in the nearest chair. I still think to myself why I'm not the one driving. The heater is on and the temperature is comfortable.

A radio plays softly the following melody. I'm all at sea. Where no one can bother me. Forgot my roots. If only for a day. Just me and my thoughts. Sailing far away. I listen to the lyrics of the song. In my head I translate it. I am in the middle of the sea Where no one troubles me and I forget about my heritage, If only for one day. Just me and my thoughts sailing far away there. Yeah, that was my life and I also occasionally dream away from the worries of daily life. It seems that time never stands still, and now the creeping hands of the clock move so slowly. Weird. Actually, we have much more to enjoy life and should not be so buried in our work.

The whole bus ride are my thoughts on it. Is that why I am never bored and that I live mostly on the bright side. I also look at work as a past time for many, as an escape from the loneliness and a number of other social contacts. It's such a shame that you need to spend so much of your free time on it. I am happier with a half time job then a full-time job although it is financially no glory. Anyway I am again building up my life though I have no illusions that I will be happy in an office job. But for the welfare authority, I do my best and I hope for a better future as a bus driver.

The Old Sailor,

How to get a job?

Dear Bloggers,


Guess what? Yes, I had a talk to a jobcoach this week, but I left the building with the feeling that nobody is waiting for a 42 year old person. It made me think again of starting a small business from home. For me the first question is what is it that I am going to sell? And second thing is a part of it should go to a project in a third world country. What I found most interesting about my way of thinking so far is that it makes you ask yourself the question, "Are you working on your business, or in it?" Anyone who is self-employed can tell you they are probably working in their business.

This is especially true for freelance workers, contractors, or anyone with their own brick and mortar business who does all of the work. When will I take off on my own? That is a good question I just need a good product to sell and my wife needs to back me up. I am thinking of how much happier I would be by working for myself. Grant it, I am very happy. I don't experience any of the stress or the long commute. I once did, however, I basically have traded one job for another, except now I have much more freedom in terms of time and choosing who to work with.

Now I am working on freedom from doing all of the work. I rather work on my business instead of in it. When you become self-employed, you also take on multiple roles. You become the project manager, the technician, marketer, and any other task that is needed to keep your business going. Many self-employed individuals actually find themselves working more hours than they had at a previous job. The only difference is that you can devide your hours better.

Like myself, what used to be your passion becomes your downfall. I used to really enjoy web developing but now I view it as a chore. I used to enjoy reading about programming and learning new techniques. I'd make websites for fun and learning. The passion is gone.

I know I lost the desire for my work because my body totally gave up on me and I must admit that I had a hard time to get myself back in the saddle. And even I changed my lifestyle, my rythm one thing will never change I'll guess I will do it all on my own. Outsourcing is not an option for me due to the fact that I am just not able to give the work to someone else. My passion now lies in affiliate marketing and network marketing. Both are exciting and both will create hopefully residual streams of income. Best of all, there will be clients to answer to.

My goal is to actually move away from the labor and create revenue streams that allow me to be free to do the things I want. If you are finding yourself in the same boat, maybe it is time to start already now before you get unemployed. I think it is the right time to start as the economy is slowly crawling up again.

The Old Sailor,

.

I need a little help getting over being laid off...

Dear Bloggers,

I worked for the same employer for so many years, thought they were great (in some ways, still do) but was blindsided by a layoff due to health reasons. I loved my job, the customers, most of the staff, etc. It's been two weeks, and I'm just at a loss at what to do with myself to ward off the obsessing over every little thing that's gone on in my life in the last year. I keep trying to tell myself to let it go, can't change the past, etc. but it's literally what I go to bed thinking about, dream about and then get up about but still I am trying to keep busy, obviously looking for a job. I have unemployment insurance but the bloody state of Denmark is extremely slow with their payments and while things will be tight for awhile, it's not crucial that I am employed right away and I am very wary of continuing in the same field. I am so far applying for jobs that use my skills but are not anything like what I did before. I will still try to find a job working with customers.I'm interested in hearing other people's stories about what they did to ward off the laid-off demons, especially if you feel you ended up a lot better off !!

For me, the hardest part about being laid-off was not being able to control a major decision in my life. The company management makes the decision that there is going to be a lay-off, decides who will be affected, when it will be implemented, and what the terms are. The decision has the most profound effect on the employee. Getting laid off creates a ton of stress -- Will I get a new job? Will I have enough money? What about health insurance? But to top it off, it is a humiliating process.Then you have to follow up the lay-off with looking for work. Again, it is a process completely out of your control. You send resumes, emails, make calls and you may or may not get a response. The process reassures you that you are not in control of your career.

I dealt with it by countering the feeling of helplessness. I used my time off to take control of my health. I started cycling as much as possible on good days and getting into shape. I found an aspect of my life that was important to me and that I could keep in my control. At the time I had no idea that I was doing this, but when I look back now I can see that it was the most beneficial thing that I did to deal with the situation. And I don't want to set the bar too high -- I didn't turn myself into some sort of Ironman I just got some exercise, ate better, and lost some weight. But the important thing was that I was working towards something that I had decided. All that said, being laid-off was still a miserable, stressful, and lonely time in my life. I don't think it is all that unusual to be 'lost' for the first month. I know I had a hard time finding the motivation to do anything, including looking for work, during that first month. If for some reason your financial situation allows it, then let yourself take it easy for a month.

Unfortunatly my financial situation is bad at the moment and I had to give my case to an attorney to get things sorted. It is incredible how slow these things can work and that they still call it a social system. You get stressed already when you have to phone them, 48 minutes waiting time is far to long in my opinion but does not seem to be abnormal. (long distance call alhough inside Europe)
As soon as you are through you can sense the dispatchers panic as she has to speak English to me, instead of Danish but she is trying at least. Downpart of the phonecall is that my case is not investigated yet, so she can only answer a few of my questions. My case was sended to them a fortnight ago. On top of that I am battling with some sore throat problems and some flu kind of symptoms. If this is the swine flu I think I found a cure to stop it:

How we keep grip on the swine flu pandemic

As you know, the (Mexican) swine flu easily transferable via eg doorknobs, keyboards, taps, etcetera etcetera . Recent research has shown that the bacterium is very easily transmitted through the use of coins and banknotes. The bacterium attaches itself very well to the notes and coins which daily go through many hands, which is an increased risk of infection with it. To keep the swine flu outdoors, you can drop off your used coins and banknotes from now =For Free = hand them in to me. I will personally ensure that your capital will be destroyed. I will also ensure that the bacteria no chance to cause further contamination. You can either hand in your coins and banknotes with me or drop them off in the mail-box. The mail-box will be emptied and cleaned every day in order to combat infection. Spread the word ... Spread the word ... Spread the word ... of course if you live far away you can also send a cheque or ask for my bank account.

The Old Sailor,

It started with a kiss.....

Dear Bloggers,

This one I am writing especially for my beloved wife, who walked into my life 16 years ago and still I am having a hard time to express my feelings to her.
I am really surprised that we are still together as I am not the easiest person to live with.
Sometimes I am stubborn like hell and I am not the most caring guy in the world.
Somehow she must either really like me, or is she still in love with me?
I feel so lucky that I have met a woman like her.



Who shows her cares, respects, love ..to me.
Furthermore we got two beautiful girls, and they are not always easy to handle when daddy is away.
I must admit that I am having a different life as I am away, but if one of them is sick it is me that also doesn’t sleep and feels powerless.
I feel like it is a miracle that I met a girl who understands my feelings though I never express or let her know my feelings...
I don't know how she understands..
I never wanted to open my heart since I used to have a heartbroken experience.
I am so afraid to open my heart again...before I met this girl, I always concentrated on the things that kept me busy and try to find my dream job..
I always believed that true love would come to me one day....
Always tried to be strong and ignore all her love and compassion...
But for this special girl, I couldn't just force myself anymore.
I couldn't concentrate on my job anymore; I don't know what was going on in my heart...



My brain was covered with butterflies, she knows when I am sad, tired or even hungry...most of the people don't understand me like her because I always try to smile no matter if I feel sad or anything....always try to hide my feelings and make others think that I am strong.
She mentioned that I have a beautiful smile
The other day, while I walked out, she walked after me and opened the door for her with a smile which made her feel like a princess (I still don't understand why I acted like this, but sometimes I hope that a little bit of these feelings would return.)
But that's not why I admired her... it was just a guy's way to attract a girl.....there were more things that she has done for me, I was not the only one having a bad past experience...
In one occasion, (I don't want to specify the occasion), this girl gave me a warm feeling and a kiss on my cheek.



I didn't know why I let her kiss me because I always tried to avoid any kind of love relation.
She always made me smiling and I couldn't stop myself.
This is how our relation kicked off, and in the beginning I was head over heels, but somewhere my brain took a wrong turn.
The gentleman in me had disappeared and a more and more, our relationship started to crumble.
The only one in this case to blame is myself, or am I wrong?



Now it seems like I lost my strength, I feel like that something in me has changed...
Why do I keep thinking about her all the time?
I still try to keep myself busy with my job, but still...I am asking myself numerous times the following questions:
"Where is my strength?" and "Where is my confidence?"
And of course "Where is my dream job?" and "Where did that deeply loving person go?"
I have to do what I promised myself...but my heart is still asking for true love....where is my true love?
I know that I am still young in a way....anyway, thank you so much, dear, for always loving and caring about me until now.
I know that you never heard me say these words to you because my heart just couldn't open for anyone.
I really wish we could try to find the key to open it but maybe it was so hard for you to understand this mysterious guy.



All the words I want to let you know just don't come out.....I really wish there is someone out there could understand what my heart is saying, but now I am sitting here alone thinking of those memorable things you've done for me.
I will always love you and thank you again even you couldn't hear it but I hope there is a little miracle.
I really hope that the magic feeling is coming back to me once more as my heart is still fully in love with you.
I know I have to move on with my life, I know I have to be strong, tomorrow I have to go to work again and have to concentrate on my job
It's 2:30am and couldn't manage to sleep...still keep thinking of you.....still keep writing......do I need to have love??
Do I really need to tell you, all the time that I love you??
Please tell me what I should decide to do?



I am really trying to listen to you and not hurt your feelings, but believe me that it is never my intention to hurt you.
Of course I would love to become the man again, that I was in the beginning.
Somewhere inside of me, my feelings got blocked.
Forgive me for who I am, as it is not something simple that I can change.
You are the love of my life.......and no one can change that feeling.
I put on the cd of Rod Stewart and drift away on the beautiful song that was written by Van Morrison, "Have I Told you lately that I love you." here are the lyrics so you can sing along (but do it gently) when you find the song on youtube.

Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no one above you
Fill my heart with gladness
Take away my sadness
Ease my troubles, that's what you do

Oh the morning sun in all its glory
Greets the day with hope and comfort too
And you fill my life with laughter
You can make it better
Ease my troubles that's what you do

There's a love that's divine
And it's yours and it's mine
Like the sun at the end of the day
We should give thanks and pray to the One

Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no one above you
Fill my heart with gladness
Take away my sadness
Ease my troubles, that's what you do

There's a love that's divine
And it's yours and it's mine
And it shines like the sun
At the end of the day we will give thanks
And pray to the One

Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no one above you
Fill my heart with gladness
Take away my sadness
Ease my troubles, that's what you do

Take away my sadness
Fill my life with gladness
Ease my troubles that's what you do
Fill my life with gladness
Take away my sadness
Ease my troubles that's what you do.

Goodnight to you all.....wherever you are.

The Old Sailor,