Bullying is lethal my friends

Dear Bloggers, 

We hear and see the national news reports regarding bullying in schools, neighborhoods and communities. It's nothing new, the pundits promise action, and we feel a bit better that the problem is being addressed. Nothing could be further from the truth. 

The latest casualty? Anass Aouragh , a 13-year-old boy from Wassenaar. Teased relentlessly, his mentor, says there is now an empty space at school. What are the reasons for the perpetual taunting? His small size, his high IQ  there are no reasons given yet. Was he not able to deal with the verbal assaults and the sticks and paper dots that were thrown at him, or was it when they started making fun of him? Somewhere he reached the breaking point.

 
His parents, were worried about their son when he did not return home from an after school job bringing around advertising leaflets. Worry turned into frantic and desperate fear, and soon they organized a search party. The police send out an Amber Alert. Hours later, in the morning they found him, in the woods of Wassenaar. The image of the scene and their tortured agony is almost too much to bear. 
When are schools going to get it? Teaching the 3 R’s, reading, writing and arithmetic, is not enough. 

Tolerance, respect and common decency need to be addressed along with the basics, because unfortunately, this is often not taught at home. And not only that, teachers, principals and administrators need to be constantly in touch and vigilant about what's going on in the classroom and on the playground.
Bullying is a problem that is not going to go away on its own. How many more deaths have to occur before schools take this problem seriously and responsibly? 

Fleur Bloemen was another victim of what we never can understand. One of the kids said after she died: She never spoke about what she was going through.
This is very often the case. These kids are ashamed, embarrassed, shy, even afraid to speak up, which is why all school personnel must keep their ears and eyes open and be prepared to intervene. This is why all parents have to talk to their children about how to treat others, and must know what their kids are doing and who they're doing it with. It's called parenting.

This is not an isolated problem -- Fleur is just one of the latest examples. Last month it was Fleur, a  high school student, who took her own life with jumping in front of train. No longer able to withstand the taunting from a group at school, she permanently ended the verbal assaults the only way she knew how. The reason for the harassment? She was wished dead by fellow students and was taunted on prepschool. Again, this fun-loving youngster kept it all inside, not wanting to upset his family by the derogatory comments. And now she jumped and some of her fellow students saw it happen. 

Tim Ribberink, died 4 months ago in an apparent suicide. Authorities suspect the bullying he endured at school and at work played a role.Tim Ribberink....... was trying to escape the cruelty from his being a happy guy who was taunted being gay. After being punched, kicked and yelled at, he was victimized on social networks when his body was found at home his parents published a part of his farewll note in the advert in the local newspaper. The persons held responsible for this cannot be held responsible for this henious crime.

However, it is setting a precedent that the schools do have liability.
As I mention in 5 very important lessons from tragic bullying deaths, (1) Those struggling with their sexuality need to realize there are sources in every community to help; these kids are often targets (2) Parents must speak out. You must talk to your child about bullying and let them know it is wrong. Also, you must ask them often if they or anyone they know is being bullied. If so, you must report it immediately; (3) Teachers, administrators and school personnel have a duty to stop bullying on school grounds. There must be a zero tolerance policy. (4) Parents must teach their children acceptance and tolerance of others that are different, and that we all have gifts to share to make the world a better place. (5) Not only must bullies be held accountable -- their parents should be, as well.


Schools in the Netherlands are being offered the Kiva Method from Finland. KiVa is a research-based antibullying program that has been developed in the University of Turku, Finland, with funding from the Ministry of Education and Culture. The effectiveness of KiVa has been shown in a large randomized controlled trial. In Finland, KiVa is a sought-after program: 90 % of all comprehensive schools in the country are registered KiVa schools implementing the program.

KiVa has been evaluated in a large randomized controlled trial including 117 intervention schools and 117 control schools. The program has been shown to reduce both self- and peer-reported bullying and victimization significantly. It influences multiple form of victimization, including verbal, physical, and cyberbullying. In addition, positive effects on school liking, academic motivation and achievement have been reported. KiVa also reduces anxiety and depression and has a positive impact on students’ perception of their peer climate. A remarkable 98% of victims involved in discussions with the schools’ KiVa teams felt that their situation improved. Finally, Finnish data from more than 1000 schools that started the implementation of KiVa in fall 2009 showed that after the first year of implementation, both victimization and bullying had reduced significantly

.
It's too late to bring back any of these precious children, but hopefully their deaths will bring about change. If you can take one thing away, let it be this: Talk to your children. Listen to your children. If you do this, no telling what you'll learn. Talk, talk, talk, and keep those lines of communication open. Is someone bullying them? Are they bullying someone? And finally, do they know someone who is being bullied? Ask often and listen carefully.

All of them could have been alive today. Always remember that you can make a difference.

The Old Sailor,

All of a sudden it was Christmas again

Dear Bloggers,

For most of us, the holiday of Christmas is often filled with food, presents, family, friends, church family maybe, and many other festive things. It's a time when we get together to remember times long past and to discuss things that are going on today, whether it's funny stories and just getting a few great laughs, or getting together most importantly to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, or to discuss world events and such. Some people don't celebrate at all, and that's OK too. Everybody has their own thing. Christmas can be a very fun holiday and a time to connect with others and to be giving generously. But for some, Christmas can be a very painful reminder of something else. That is, the loss of a loved one. . . . . . . 

Just when the holiday season had started, a family I know lost her man and father who was a very important and much loved family member in their lives to a sudden death of at present unknown causes. They were like everybody else, getting ready for the holidays and looking forward to friends and family getting together. Then the rug was pulled out from under them. Instead of joy, they are feeling intense grief at this sudden loss. Now all of a sudden their plans for Christmas will have an absent family member; husband, father, mentor and friend to so many. Almost all the 1,000 people of our little village went to the funeral to pay their respects. It goes to show what he was in life by the amount of friends he had and the respect they had for him. He earned every bit of it, and I hope he is now with the Lord. I grieve along with the family and friends, for the loss is a very big and devastating one to those of us who knew him.

Many other people have lost loved ones to horrible circumstances during the holidays. Car accidents or other kinds of accidents, suicide, homicide, a sudden or perhaps a lingering illness, and other terrible situations. During the holidays the loss can be devastating and overshadow the holiday and for some very good reasons. It's difficult to enjoy the holiday when you have suffered the loss of someone you loved more than anything during that time period, and their absence creates a void that will never again be completely filled. Christmas is now not only a holiday to celebrate the birth of Christ, but it's now a reminder of the death of a loved one. In time it may heal, but the scar will forever remain, lingering in the back of their minds. That's the very sad part of it, and I would never wish it upon anyone. 

But there is one thing I have always found in all my 44 years. Having lost loved ones myself and thinking of them during Christmas, one thing was very clear even if everything else wasn't at the time. Even though I am not much of a believer, I still think that God doesn't always cause death, but at times he may take someone for reasons known only to him at the time. Sometimes it's a blessing depending on the circumstances, especially if someone is suffering horribly. But often death happens for reasons that God has nothing to do with. 

We all make choices at times, and sometimes choices may take us into a dangerous path which can either take our lives or the lives of others. It's not done on purpose of course, and it's never foreseen, it's just sometimes a result of a person's judgment that isn't always up to par, and unfortunately there are sometimes consequences. Just one mistake can change the course of a person's life forever. Many grieve along with us when we lose somebody because of those circumstances. When it comes to appealing to human nature, he can't change his natural laws for just one person.

Once he created those laws, it had to be universal for everyone, even if it meant pain and heartache at times. The collapse of the Twin Towers is a perfect example of how he could not just re-raise the structure and reverse what happened. Or more recent the shooting on a elementary school in Newton were more than twenty lives were lost, it feels that God has abandoned them. He would have had to do that with everything else as well. 

I give all of you a huge hug and encouragement. Don't ever give up. Our loved ones want us to keep going and keep their memory alive. If we do that, we will always be honoring not only their memory, but honoring them as people who were always will be important to us. As they thought us many important things in live. 

I hope your Christmas and New Year will be very prosperous and happy. Merry Christmas to all of you.

The Old Sailor,

A shocking message

Dear Bloggers,

This week is the last week before the summer recess of the high schools so it was time to hand in the books for this year and in the evening hours I should bring her to school again for the final schoolparty. Just before we took off to school I got an e-mail from school reporting that one of the students had passed away in the weekend. The kids had to gather after returning the books to hear what had happened. I felt sorry for the parents who had lost their 15 year old daughter.................(I am not many times out of words but this made me silent.)

That means another family has lost a child on leukemia. And it pisses me off.  BUT… i am also glad that I am there, or was there so that it might be easier for her.

It must be horrable and mindblasting to hear, ” She has blasts in her blood.”  ugh.. what does that mean…and there is no time left to overtink it. “You’ll need to admit her immediately.”  ugh, do they mean now at this moment. After the first round at the hospital and the treatment with medication, seeing recovery coming.

Then to hear “She can go back to school if you’re comfortable with that.” Does this make sense?  NO.  None of it makes sense because they’ve just told you that your child has cancer.  WHAT!!!!   Not possible.

So we need Leukemia to come to a hold for all the parents of new leukemia patients out there.  We need a program where we can help newly diagnosed families and give them a bit more hope as their will be more money for research and maybe we could team them up with old jolly busters like me

.

Maybe there should be a person, not just a message board where they can connect and ask the questions that need to be asked.  Do I give certain medication before or after breakfast?  Not that we would be able to answer every question….. but it is sure nice and more human to have someone to ask.

Of course it isn’t just the message that has me up in arms about leukemia , it is a daughter, a family member and only 15 years of age. It could’ve been my girl or your kid or even a schoolfriend of our children.

That does sound harsh and yes this child is gone. But basically what it means to you is that another child was diagnosed with cancer. Leukemia, the 2 year treatment, cancer.  The one with the 95% survival rate at 5 years after diagnosis.  The one where the parents freak out.  Oh, wait, that is all cancer isn’t it.

The school party was cancelled and at school they made a memorial room for this girl, out of respect I am not mentioning names as it must be pretty tough to cope with this loss. My thoughts are with them and I can only send you love.

The Old Sailor,

What is your biggest fear?

Dear Bloggers,


This week I talked to a young lady in the bus during one of the lonely and stormy nightshifts all of a sudden we entered the subject of loosing a person near to you. She told about the loss of her dad, when his business stranded due to the financial trouble a few years ago he did not see a way out anymore and took his own life. Even it is to discuss if you can do this to your family yes or no. I had a really deep conversation with her about the reason why we should be here? I found the following qoute of Natalie Babbit on the web and I think that this a better way of understanding this silly fear of death.

"Do not fear death... only the unlived life.
You don't have to live forever;
You just have to live."

It is natural to feel fear of the unknown. In regard to death, this fear may be of what might happen during the process of dying, such as the pain of a terminal illness, nausea, vomiting, or even fearing abandonment by those around you. The fear of death may also be perpetuated by the sadness of the family around the dying person, or the hopelessness of the doctor, or the nurses who feel they may have failed to keep the person alive. However, it is through death that the dying person can be released from the great burden of the diseased body.

Death is not an enemy, it is a natural fact of life, a stage of our existence, and a transition or doorway between planes of reality. Death has its own harmony with nature just as a tree loses its leaves every fall. We don't feel that it is unjust or that the tree failed to stay fully alive when it goes dormant through the winter. It is natural. Neither should doctors and nurses feel they have failed if after every endeavor a patient dies. Actually, it may be better to let a person take the opportunity to die peacefully rather than trying to force him or her to remain alive in a suffering body. In other words, it can be better to make peace with death than try to conquer it.

The process of dying can be rough, but it is temporary. The best thing to do is to focus our consciousness as much as we can in a way that will help us reach the highest realm possible after death. Of course, it always may be a little sad to leave our home and loved ones, but if we are going to a bigger and more beautiful home, then what is there to be sorry about? It is joyful to be going to a better place. This sort of joy will also help divert our attention from any pain we may be feeling.

The primary fear of death is, of course, not knowing what we will be or where we will go in the afterlife. If you are afraid of where you might go after death, be surrendered and know that fate, or God, will put you where you will best learn whatever you need to learn. The universe is based on compassion. It is not a punishment that we are here, but it is because of our desires for the experience of material existence and bodily sense pleasure. Each life is meant for us to learn more about ourselves, and about who we are. Death is not simply a matter of getting old or sick and then dying. Natural death happens when you have finished doing what you were meant to do in this life. You may have wanted to do more or not, but when you have done what you were meant to do, you will move on. Nature will arrange it that you will leave this realm. Each life is like a classroom wherein you learn a certain amount, and go through a certain number of lessons or tests. Then you graduate to the next class. We can learn willingly or unwillingly. We can cooperate or be uncooperative. We can repeatedly keep going through it until we learn all of the necessary lessons to go on to the next level. That is our choice. And if you have failed any of the tests, don't worry. You'll have the chance to try it again. Therefore, let go of any fear and let "God" or who or whatever you believe in put you where you will make the most progress.

Actually, to fear death reveals one's misunderstanding of life. It is a fear of knowing one's real self, which is beyond the bodily identification. It is that with which some people hesitate to acquaint themselves. Thus, if a person has known nothing else but one's bodily identity, losing the body can put one into fear. Yet, how can one ever think he was the body when it is plain to see that he came into this temporary world through birth and must leave it through death? All of our possessions, relationships, even our talents and skills are all temporary. So how can our body be anything more? Being afraid of death is like being afraid to give up an old and worn-out garment.

In this regard, the mind is the root cause of fear and suffering. However, this fear and anguish can be a gift because it shows where the mind gets caught in the desired model of thinking how things should be. It projects its own level of reality out on the world and its perception of things. When things are not the way we want them to be, or think they should be, the mind has difficulty accepting it and we suffer. We then often get angry, anxious, confused, or fall into fear. To enjoy freedom from suffering, we have to grow beyond our attachments, ego, and desires. Thus, the awareness of our approaching death plays an important role in helping us transcend our temporary worldly attachments, and to increase our development and qualities that are offered through our existence in different bodies or different planes of consciousness.

So an important point is that we do not have to be afraid of death, for we are all immortal. When we look around us, this is plain to see. Every winter the trees, plants and grass go dormant and practically die, yet they return to life and display their blooms in the spring. Even if a tree dies and becomes soil, we can see that out of it new life rises from the remnants of its decay. Even if the water of a pond disappears, it forms the steam from which clouds are created, which rain down the potential for new life. We witness many forms of transition of the same energy. It is an endless cycle in which we all participate. In the same way, our physical body is shed at death, but our life persists on another level. Thus, through death we also find renewal.

As it is stated in the ancient Bhagavad-gita, "Never was there a time when I did not exist, nor you. . . nor in the future shall any of us cease to be."

While we live in this material world, death helps alleviate and release us from our accumulated attachments, positions, and superficial desires. Death shows us what is not important, and makes us give up those things which can no longer help, or which keeps us from understanding who we really are. Even though we are here to experience the innumerable aspects of material existence, if we are too caught up in it, we will never understand our spiritual identity. Thus, death is an assistant which forces us to come to grips with what is temporary, and to give it up. It is another step in the learning process, to come closer to what we really are.

Unfortunately, if one is overly attached to his or her body, position, belongings and relations, death can seem like a severe punishment. Yet, it can be a gift or even a blessing if you are in deep kinds of pain. For the materialist who is afraid of losing everything, death is like the grip that crushes. With a spiritual understanding, one can find a meaning in dying.

In the end, there comes a time when we need to let ourselves, or the person dear to us, leave the body, just as when a person needs to rest. It can be wrong to resist the process of death, whether it be yours or that of another. So we should not begrudge another of his death. We should not be unwilling to let him or her go. As some of us are not able to live on but we should not be selfish and try to “rescue” the ones that cannot find another way out. It is his or her chance to enter a better realm to continue with his progress. He or she is not leaving us, he or she is simply going on before us.

Death is not an enemy, it can be like the friend who cuts the chain that holds the anchor which prevents one from sailing to greater horizons. This is the way we become closer to attaining freedom from this earthly plane, and from the dictates of the senses, the service of the body, and the impressions in the mind.

on the fear bus

I should put up a sign which says: “The one who fears death should take the next bus home.” I am afraid that my boss will not be very amused if I would do this for real.

The Old Sailor,