Salty Waters and Strong Stories

Dear Bloggers,

While I'm here looking through my old records from the time I was a sailor, my great years at sea and I'm breaking my head about what will be happening with my retirement, I just feel like wanting a resentment and I would like to respond to the strangest stories I heard that have already been going around years and years. Quietly I am dreaming away in the turbulent waves of my thoughts. In order to write my other stories, and that will be over the coming months of the near future, my sailing stories are slowly running out.

But first of all, I would like to go on with this strange subject, as I have been that lucky to sail the seven seas in the world, and yes I have sometimes seen strange and impossible things at sea. But also the beautiful pictures with the most insane color spectra are shooting through my mind. Everyone knows them the wild but also strange stories about the well known and by many feared "Bermuda triangle". As many websites have been made about this particular phenomenon, it is considered as it could be true or not true. Shouldn't we be able to regard this as well as some popular stories and cases, If it did happen or not.

Yet around the famous and infamous Bermuda triangle located between the places of Porto-Rico, Miami, and Bermuda, the most wild stories and sevens make incredible stories where everyone is listening to with red ears and with full thrills. The cold chills will ripple over your back. It is where some people, get into the story so deeply that you just hear their brains squeaking.

Ships that suddenly disappear, planes that disappear in nothing in an inexplicable manner.

The most beautiful story I've ever heard is telling about the triangle is the following one. I think most of the sailors that have been there and those who will once go there will know this story too.

A ship sailing into the triangle area, comes at the level of the triangle and sees at a certain moment a steering less vessel drifting around. The captain of the arriving ship tried to get in touch with the steering less ship, but no one was found aboard to give any answer. The ship seemed to be abandoned and drifted like a ghost ship. The captain decided to go on board and have a look around and try to find out what was going on.

When he arrived on board there was no living soul to detect, but the tables were covered and the soup already served in the plates and they seemed to be very hot. In one of the cabins they found women's clothes which suggested that women had been on board of this vessel.

Then this story was hung up around this ship, and very detailed it was still exaggerated to help the story. In the first story, the crew would have seen land, a remote island. On this island, naked women stood waving to them, and the crew would have lowered the longboats to go to the island and join in with those naked ladies. Once set foot ashore, this all of a sudden sunk away and the crew was swallowed by the rouge waves.

In another story, it would be that the captain was corrupt and would have sold his cargo, and he had left the ship at sea and with crews drawn into longboats sailing further to safer places to waste the money. And so there are many stories going around, compasses that spin like crazy, And later all electronic devices that would fail to work or even blackout.

And then there are stories about spaceships that would abduct the crews of their ship and so on. All in all the crazy stories are going on here. And nobody can give a thorough explanation for this.

I have also been able to sail the triangle, and even it was in the period that it would statistically be the most dangerous the month of December. According to a research report most ships would disappear every 15^Th to 30^Th December. I have not even noticed something at all or had a strange feeling in my stomach about this peculiar phenomenon as well as the dull running of the compass or radio connections that are lost and what more they told. Yes, just name it.

A strange phenomenon what I have ever seen and experienced was on a high sea. This was on my night guard shift during the fire rounds from 20:00 to 06:00. At one point I suddenly see a beam of light somewhere in the distance somewhere in the close range, it seemed to me like there were driving cars in the distance and the light beam of their car was shining than overseas and was coming towards us.

About half an hour later, you saw lights from a city in the distance and saw the lights of the cars getting faster and getting closer to you. Once on the bridge again I talked to the on duty officer about this. Nevertheless, on the radar, nothing was detected and there was no sign of land or anything else nearby. The officer also looked with interest on this strange things and wondered just like me what was going on. Yet here was a statement, just an air reflection called a Fatah Morgana, nothing more nothing less. Anyway you can see and find strange and also weird things at sea.

Also the stories of the true sun-burned tough seamen who fought with huge jaws to rescue their ship, big monster-like octopuses, and just mention those with their huge tentacles dragging the ships to the bottom and what all can even happen more?

Is it true? Who knows? And who will tell?

The Old Sailor,

The day that something snapped in her brain

Dear Bloggers,

If one day you have the feeling that something in your brain just snapped.
I take care of my wife in times for better and for worse that is what I promised her when we married 20 years ago. And now that has become reality.

"She was still in bed because she had to get up later than me. I was up at 4.30 in the morning to go to work as I am a commuterbus driver. She talked about a snap in her head that she had felt on her job yesterday but there was nothing strange to see. It turned out that she could not get out of bed. She had woken up from the alarm clock and could not filter the sound properly. It's like there are ringing a lot of bells and she could not stop it. 

 

She also noticed that her right side did not work too well.
Obviously she wanted to get up. But it failed and so she was laying next to the bed. She knew that this was trouble and all the things she learned at the Red Cross as a rescuer and she began to check out all the signs of a cerebral infarction. Once in front of the mirror, she smiled at herself. I do not have a slanting mouth so that is all that matters. Eventhough she did not manage to talk properly and she seemed to be a bit confused. Just go to work dear, I'm taking good care of myself today. The day passed and when I came back home she was laying on the couch and looked at me with teary eyes.

Only then did she warn me by crying very hard and said she would like to shout and scream like a wild animal. There is such a pain in the back of my head and on this side of my face I feel nothing. When I sat down next to her, she was a little panicky and tried to talk to me what was not going to well. Fortunately, she was consiousness and we found together that it looked very similar to the picture of a stroke. Then the mill was turning. And so we crossed all of a sudden through the doctor's office towards the hospital, no serious brain injury was detected. But what was exactly the cause of this was not really clear but it according to the doctor it seemed to be a part of serious stress.

After half a night at the hospital, we returned home and she told me that she was very afraid of getting a stroke. Still somehow it kept worrying us and we were forwarded by our own doctor to see the neurologist for further and deeper research. Due to the serious anxiety and panic disorder, it was all very complicated to get an MRI scan. But together we can concur the whole world.

Once at home, the misery got started and was for real. I had a full-time job in addition to it I had to take care of my wife and two children, My working hours were quickly reduced from 40 to 36 hours. She could not take care of herself for the hours she was at home. Most of the day she slept and I had to leave her home alone for several hours, I could not live with this. What I also arranged before I went to work, I fixed her medication, prepared a sandwich for her and made sure she did not had to miss anything. Nothing really worked out and she slipped slowly into the abyss.

As a blessing in diguise I had to be unemployed and sit home for a half-year in connection with my temporary contract and enjoy a benefitpay. I have visited many hospitals in this year and psychological helpers our car brought us everywhere. A deadly tiring route for the both of us.

It's amazing she has not even once been taken to a mental hospital and for everyone it is a big surprise because in this total period of 24 months with the help of a psychiatrist and to deal with a complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and a pretty intensive treatment for this, she has been advised to spend a day and to search for a daycare to find some balance. Now her days are filled with a morning spend at a care farm and 1x physio gym. She has always been a busy and active person. Her job was call centre agent and she was a specialist in solving complaints. Now she has now been disapproved for work for 80 to 100%. 

 

I did not cancel my job to help her but I work a 32-hour contract with a few good appointments with the planner and together with our eldest daughter we are doing fine. We put ourselves in such a way as caregivers do because the only alternative was a hospitalization / nursing home. We do not have a personal carebudget because this is not indicated, and unfortunately my salary is not big enough for hiring a nurse 8 hours a day for private guidance and for domestic assistance.

She can do quite a lot and even though she has already being picking up a lot of things, it's no longer as it was before, and she can not do as much anymore as in the good old days. Her long-term memory is as good as before, but some moment she no longer knows where she has left her glasses. The sense of time she has lost with some regularity. 

 

She can get into a panic attack at any time if something happens in her area that she has not provided. Her senses such as hearing, brightness, light, smell and taste are severely affected and seriously reinforce more than necassary during the bad periods. I therefore try to protect her all day from too many incentives of this kind. Unfortunately, I can not always be as successful in this regard. Nevertheless, she is accepting her situation slowly

Besides being a partner and her sweetheart, I became mainly her driver, nurse, butler, caregiver, supervisor, spokesman, administrative / agenda administrator etc. etc. Her hobbies are now a little puzzling and working a bit on the tablet.

Together we were always active in the neighborhood and we were happy to help with friends, acquaintances and family. All practical / physical hard work is going to be pretty good. But what we miss the most is walking hand in hand (although this happens sometimes more and more often.), We cannot say spontaneously anymore: "Let's go on a trip for a weekend," an old-fashioned steamy night (even a little bit of cuddling is not always possible No longer we can be unprejudiced intimate). What I miss the most is being the equivalent in a conversation (if that's possible because these kind of things are often too tiring to hold the concentration). I never know how she will respond as it is differently due to the PTSS or because she can dissociate sometimes completely. I often see that when I tell her things, it does not come to her completely. Also, she often can not remember all of it and I havr to tell it again.

And then ther is the worry about the finances. Previously, we both had jobs with related to it a fairly good income. Now we only have her benefitspayment and my 32-hour salary. In addition, we have two school-aged children therefor you will pay enough, which remains after deduction of transport costs, school fees and daycare expenses. We live in a private home which is not really suitable for someone who suffers from conversion disorders, which makes climbing stairs difficult sometimes. We are looking for a nice bungalow so we can sleep on groundlevel, but how do I sell our current property. Fortunately, as what has happened to many other homeowners, the mortgage is not heavily underwater. But a bungalow often costs quite a bit more. I get that residual debt for what we have to take on as extra mortgage we will never be able to pay this all back because I'm not in a position to work more because I want to take care of her and I need to take care of her.

And then the decoration of our house is cheerful but not too crazy because that is not possible anymore. Anyone who comes will agree with us. As this situation now it is not ideal. No, we know that it isn't ideal, yes we realize that. But how would you be doing this...? Nobody has an answer to these questions. I do not want to buy new furniture in the wild, as it shows afterwards that it might take several years to sell the house and move and maybe it might turm out different.

Let me make one thing clear PTSD will hit the whole family.
And one more thing ........... My wife fortunately has no admission indication for a nursing / nursing home. Because then she should live there seperate from us. We do not want that, our children are entitled to have a loving mother and I would like to offer my life for my love. She's only 47 years old and I'm 49. But our life never gets back to how it was. Yep, and all of this has been done to her at her workplace by a couple of sick types who will call themselves Team Leader. And as I feel now, my life will never be really fun anymore and I've had my best days in live already. A PTSD gets the both of you and will hold you hostage. These kind of things are too sad for words.

The Old Sailor,

Modern Pen Pal romance.....

Dear Bloggers,

As I am getting older and look back to the days that I wore a younger man's clothes. My live was not specifically very romantic. Although I have to admit that I've met quite a few interesting women. Unfortunately I was either too slow to make a move or to shy to make a move on them. Still these memories keep me busy sometimes, as in my time I had a pen pal and we were writing letters by hand. The excitement was great to wait for an other letter from my friend. 

Deep inside of me there was this feeling of butterflies. No nothing ever happened between the two of us as I did not dare to express my feelings for her. And then one day all of a sudden she had a steady boyfriend. It broke my heart butterflies were drowned in a load of beer and I just carried on. I think that our younger generation is missing all this as they reach each other with media like whats app and Instagram nothing mystique anymore. And typing text feels less personal to me.

And I wonder has anyone else noticed that there’s more ‘digital small talk’ going on these days than real-life face-to-face dating? A good friend and I got talking recently about this modern day pen pal kind of dating dilemma. With the multiple options of being able to text, email, tweet, send a whats app, Instagram or Facebook message. Is it becoming the norm to replace in-person interactions with remote alternatives? A virtual connection is made but it never becomes a reality. There are a lot of unreal people on the net. We did go out on Friday and Saturday nights and we were trying in all our stupid ways to make contact with the other sexes.

Are you currently stuck in a pen pal dating situation and wondering why you’re not meeting up in real life? I brainstormed about this with some other guys who had experienced this kind of dating trouble, and here are some of the reasons that this might be happening:

Have you ever considered that the person you’re messaging might already be in a relationship? A poll revealed that 21% of people between 18 and 35 on dating apps/sites were already in a relationship. In my time these things were more clear. As on these apps it's easier to stay anonymous.

Sometimes people simply need someone else to talk to, to combat their loneliness, but it goes no further than that. Communicating through technology is a way of filling a void in real life but that person may have no intention of meeting face-to-face as that digital interaction is all they need. They could use other places to chat about there feeling so lonely.

Ever been stuck in a long queue? Bored on a train journey? We all look for distractions and ways to procrastinate at times like these. Maybe the reason for your pen pal-esque dating is because this chat is nothing more than a boredom cure for the other person. Such a shame that you pick out a dating site for this. 

Sometimes people use dating sites and apps for reassurance that they are still desirable and attractive. It’s sad but sometimes true – perhaps the conversation with the person you like is nothing more than an ego-boost for them. In my opinion you are not very confident.

Uh oh! If someone is only messaging you when they’ve admitted they’re out with friends, or asking you for photos but not sending any in return, don’t fall into the trap of being entertainment for their mates. This is one of the downsides of the internetposting as there is no time to think about these things. When you are writing by hand you have at least some time to think about this.
 

A reason that pen pal style dating scenarios don’t develop into real-life meet ups is that sometimes the other person has already pigeon-holed you as a back-up plan If things don’t work out with someone else. Remember you should be the number one and not the second option or backup plan.

You might be complaining that your relationship hasn’t progressed to real-life, but have you considered that the reason for this is because the other person is waiting for you to make the first move? If it’s a girl in question, you have to remember that women sometimes like to be chased, so it could just be a case of her playing hard to get in this case.

Blame the technology. Dating isn’t like it used to be. Apps such as Tinder provide a constant stream of new faces to potentially date. Maybe what connects us to people also disconnects us from potential relationships.Too much choice means there’s less of a likelihood of committing to meeting up with one person and we’ll end up interacting online more but meeting up less.

It’s virtually impossible to judge someone’s character solely from speaking to them over an app or website. This person you’re speaking to might be incredibly shy and anxious about meeting up, so that could be why it’s taking a while for it to happen. But I waited too long and she found someone else. Give things a chance to blossom and yes, you may have been talking for a while, but perhaps the other person just wants to get to know you a bit better and feels its too early to meet up. Be patient…


This is the one that no-one wants to hear. Maybe the other person is happy talking to you but they’re just not that into you to take it to the next level and meet up. What to do if you’re stuck in the pen pal-zone. It’s certainly a frustrating place to be and as you can see from the above, there may be lots of different reasons why you’re stuck at this dating dead-end.

If you want to date, why wait? You’ve got nothing to lose by asking, so why not suggest meeting for a coffee? Sometimes it’s just a case of the other person waiting for you to make the move and test the waters. You’ve got over the difficult part of finding someone you like already.

  Remember, you can never lose something you never had in the first place, so it might do you better to cut out the person who is showing no interest in meeting up. Admittedly, with the growing number of dating apps, sites, social networks and ways to communicate, maybe we all need to step back and step away from all this reliance on technology. 

Just start an old trend and meet up in bars or write a letter by hand.
If you’re a single guy and you’re wondering what makes a man irresistible to women…you will not find the answers on a dating site or app. Just go outside and look around you instead of looking at your screen all the time. And simply make contact to the guy or girl next to you on the bus.



The Old Sailor,

My lovely old ship

Dear Bloggers.

You’d love nothing more than to forget all about the time that broke your heart. Yet, whenever she crosses your mind, you forget all she did wrong. You try thinking about revenge to quell those fluttery feelings in your stomach, but that’s easier said than done, and your heart has its own ideas. Don’t freak out, though listen here’s how to cope: When you decide to leave the salty waters.

She might be worth a second chance. OK, so you don’t have to get back to sailing again, but if you still feel this strongly, it might be one of those rare occasions to hop on board as a passenger Maybe you left the ship over something silly like not able to cope with the harsh rhythm of a sailor. If your body wasn’t able anymore tot deal with the pain even being a tough guy, I never consider trying again.
She could’ve been your first real love. First love sticks with you, even years later. It’s not so much that you still want to go back to sea, but you remember the pure joy of that first innocent loving feeling for your new job and it gives you butterflies again as soon you step on board. Of course, you might feel this way over any ex ship that you truly loved.

Stay away at all costs. Stay away from your old ship when you had any bad experiences. It could just be that you’re feeling lonely and you’re remembering the times together. There’s nothing wrong with that, but hooking up here could just cause you to get hurt all over again.

Figure out how to move on Take your butterflies and feelings as a sign that you need to move on. You might’ve thought it was over, but until you don’t feel any attraction to the life at sea anymore, it’s not over. Go out with old sailor friends, focus on a new job or even a hobby and throw out any reminders of your old job.
I did make a point of ensuring someone else was always around when I was there and my memories were drifting off again. It didn't keep me from saying anything unrealistic like “please I want to go back” or “damn, you’re my most beautiful memory.” Tears ran down my cheeks my stomach felt sick.Eventually, I got over it and our life went back to normal.

Start something new. It doesn’t have to be anything serious, but shift your focus to another job. Show yourself there are other jobs out there. My new job as a commuter bus driver is also fantastic and I enjoy it really. It is a total difference than my former job. A different level of being responsible for your passengers. Besides the city I drive has many beautiful student's, sexy distractions are always a great way to make the butterflies go away and the pain is getting less.Once you figure out what it is, it’s easier to ignore.

Think about what went wrong before. Give yourself a cold mental shower. There’s always a reason why you had to give up. What was it? Nothing kills you faster than thinking about all the days life has screwed you over, and not in the fun sweaty way. Fibromyalgia ended my life and career at sea. If this happens, it could just be part of your moving on process. If you tend to form strong connections quickly, this happens fairly often you will find something that suits you. Just avoid the temptation to get back to your old job and know that these funny feelings they’ll disappear soon.

Accepting it is the difficult part and you know you’ll be replaced soon by a new member of staff. Sometimes we just have to accept that at least a small part of us still wants to go back sailing again, but I always remind myself that I’ll be replaced soon and I’ll have the same kind of feelings for something new.

Enjoy the memories, but don’t forget the bad times. Tears and emotions aren’t always a bad thing. Sometimes they’re just your mind’s way of reminding you of good memories. Obviously, there were good times in your old ship. It’s okay to remember those and smile at the memories. Just don’t forget about the bad times. They’ll keep you in check and prevent you from going back to your former life



The Old Sailor,

Inner Peace and a way to share it that is what I do and what are you looking for?

Dear Bloggers,

I travel forty minutes by car to the area of woods where I plan to hike. I drive up to a hill and park next to a couple that is taking their dogs for a walk. The hill that I am climbing is an old overgrown garbage dump. I open my door and step outside to a green grassy world. I take the dogs out of the trunk. The sun is shining overhead surrounded by a bright clear Dutch blue sky. I instantly feel more at peace. I head to the opening in the woods, and begin looking around, noticing the beauty of nature which is awaking slowly from the winter sleep.  I breathe in the clean air deeply, wanting to take it all in.

The head of the trail is lined with flowers; yellow daffodils, and crocuses in  purple, and white. The trees are of all sizes, and as I walk further down the path, the trees start getting bigger, taller, wider. When I walked here last summer it was becoming darker here. When I begin walking deeper into the woods, I’ll see just a few streams of light shining through the tree tops which are getting green.  The wind is gently blowing, creating shadows of the tree tops and leaves as they dance on the rhythm of spring.

I continue walking further and deeper into the woods and up the hill we go.  I notice a large dark grey concrete kind of staircase up ahead. As I get closer I see a rich green moss covering one side, a man made waterfall is near, I can hear the water trickling over the small steps. I keep walking, and with just a few steps I can see the water from the spring as it moves across my path. I step over it’s only a few steps wide but the stepping stones are wet, and I look at the beauty of nature as our dogs are running around like nuts.

The path begins to climb in elevation… My sense of peace deepens as I continue going to the top into an open field. I keep walking. I keep climbing in elevation. The path curves to the left and then back to the right. I keep moving forward, in my own speed I’ll find my way up the hill.  I love that it’s a total different level and again beautiful and it’s sunny up here. I walk closer to the edge of the other side. Here I’m looking at the city in the distance. I look down below on the other side and see a canal  gracefully winding through the base of the landscape, and when I look up to the sky, overwhelmingly, I feel a grateful energy called live. I breathe it all in.

On the next few months I will be coming back to this hill as often as I can to cultivate the peace within me. It was shortly after I began driving busses that our life began to change in a big way. My wife was loosing everything that she had, but I didn’t know it yet that her brain snapped and she stopped functioning as a wife and mother and slowly she was falling to bits and peace’s. 

I had to go on unemployment benefits due to Dutch regulations I had to be laid off for half a year, it was not really working in our favor. I dove deeper into myself practicing Tai Chi again using channels like You tube and remembering it from my past, and surprisingly I found even deeper moments of peace. Once I realized how simple it actually all really is, it made me a little angry at myself for all the years I wasted living an incomplete life.

When you find something that gives you that gift, after all of the years of searching for  a better you and your only suffering, you want to share it out to the world. You want everyone to feel the peace within. I’ve been looking for ways to share it with others ever since. Because once you find something so good, so wonderful, you feel as if you have to share it out to the world. Unfortunately not everyone understands what you are telling them.

As I continued my journey in life, I began noticing more, and having more awareness of habits and patterns. For instance, I would of never been able to have this realization and be on the path to living my life, if I didn’t lose everything I loved.  If you lost people that you have loved with every inch of your being, Yes I know it sounds a little airy-fairy or even a bit insane.

Anyway time continued on, I took a lot more training to keep contact with myself and the world around me, taught a lot more  things to our dogs. Sharing the peace that i found within. Creating the habit of practicing at the beginning of the day and hoping for a sensational sunrise. Since I had to spend my time during the  morning I started taking long walks, I decided to go hiking towards the sunrise every Thursday morning to stay in balance and practice. And it is so beautiful and also inspiring that I again felt like I needed to share this. Somehow I feel better than ever before.

The Old Sailor,