It started with a kiss.....

Dear Bloggers,

This one I am writing especially for my beloved wife, who walked into my life 16 years ago and still I am having a hard time to express my feelings to her.
I am really surprised that we are still together as I am not the easiest person to live with.
Sometimes I am stubborn like hell and I am not the most caring guy in the world.
Somehow she must either really like me, or is she still in love with me?
I feel so lucky that I have met a woman like her.



Who shows her cares, respects, love ..to me.
Furthermore we got two beautiful girls, and they are not always easy to handle when daddy is away.
I must admit that I am having a different life as I am away, but if one of them is sick it is me that also doesn’t sleep and feels powerless.
I feel like it is a miracle that I met a girl who understands my feelings though I never express or let her know my feelings...
I don't know how she understands..
I never wanted to open my heart since I used to have a heartbroken experience.
I am so afraid to open my heart again...before I met this girl, I always concentrated on the things that kept me busy and try to find my dream job..
I always believed that true love would come to me one day....
Always tried to be strong and ignore all her love and compassion...
But for this special girl, I couldn't just force myself anymore.
I couldn't concentrate on my job anymore; I don't know what was going on in my heart...



My brain was covered with butterflies, she knows when I am sad, tired or even hungry...most of the people don't understand me like her because I always try to smile no matter if I feel sad or anything....always try to hide my feelings and make others think that I am strong.
She mentioned that I have a beautiful smile
The other day, while I walked out, she walked after me and opened the door for her with a smile which made her feel like a princess (I still don't understand why I acted like this, but sometimes I hope that a little bit of these feelings would return.)
But that's not why I admired her... it was just a guy's way to attract a girl.....there were more things that she has done for me, I was not the only one having a bad past experience...
In one occasion, (I don't want to specify the occasion), this girl gave me a warm feeling and a kiss on my cheek.



I didn't know why I let her kiss me because I always tried to avoid any kind of love relation.
She always made me smiling and I couldn't stop myself.
This is how our relation kicked off, and in the beginning I was head over heels, but somewhere my brain took a wrong turn.
The gentleman in me had disappeared and a more and more, our relationship started to crumble.
The only one in this case to blame is myself, or am I wrong?



Now it seems like I lost my strength, I feel like that something in me has changed...
Why do I keep thinking about her all the time?
I still try to keep myself busy with my job, but still...I am asking myself numerous times the following questions:
"Where is my strength?" and "Where is my confidence?"
And of course "Where is my dream job?" and "Where did that deeply loving person go?"
I have to do what I promised myself...but my heart is still asking for true love....where is my true love?
I know that I am still young in a way....anyway, thank you so much, dear, for always loving and caring about me until now.
I know that you never heard me say these words to you because my heart just couldn't open for anyone.
I really wish we could try to find the key to open it but maybe it was so hard for you to understand this mysterious guy.



All the words I want to let you know just don't come out.....I really wish there is someone out there could understand what my heart is saying, but now I am sitting here alone thinking of those memorable things you've done for me.
I will always love you and thank you again even you couldn't hear it but I hope there is a little miracle.
I really hope that the magic feeling is coming back to me once more as my heart is still fully in love with you.
I know I have to move on with my life, I know I have to be strong, tomorrow I have to go to work again and have to concentrate on my job
It's 2:30am and couldn't manage to sleep...still keep thinking of you.....still keep writing......do I need to have love??
Do I really need to tell you, all the time that I love you??
Please tell me what I should decide to do?



I am really trying to listen to you and not hurt your feelings, but believe me that it is never my intention to hurt you.
Of course I would love to become the man again, that I was in the beginning.
Somewhere inside of me, my feelings got blocked.
Forgive me for who I am, as it is not something simple that I can change.
You are the love of my life.......and no one can change that feeling.
I put on the cd of Rod Stewart and drift away on the beautiful song that was written by Van Morrison, "Have I Told you lately that I love you." here are the lyrics so you can sing along (but do it gently) when you find the song on youtube.

Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no one above you
Fill my heart with gladness
Take away my sadness
Ease my troubles, that's what you do

Oh the morning sun in all its glory
Greets the day with hope and comfort too
And you fill my life with laughter
You can make it better
Ease my troubles that's what you do

There's a love that's divine
And it's yours and it's mine
Like the sun at the end of the day
We should give thanks and pray to the One

Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no one above you
Fill my heart with gladness
Take away my sadness
Ease my troubles, that's what you do

There's a love that's divine
And it's yours and it's mine
And it shines like the sun
At the end of the day we will give thanks
And pray to the One

Have I told you lately that I love you
Have I told you there's no one above you
Fill my heart with gladness
Take away my sadness
Ease my troubles, that's what you do

Take away my sadness
Fill my life with gladness
Ease my troubles that's what you do
Fill my life with gladness
Take away my sadness
Ease my troubles that's what you do.

Goodnight to you all.....wherever you are.

The Old Sailor,

Enjoy life while it is there

Dear Bloggers,

I used to wonder why I was me.
Why wasn't I that rich guy?
Why wasn't I smart? Why wasn't I attractive?
Why? Why? Why?
It took me nearly 40 years to find out all those things were only my choice of thoughts.
I hope it doesn't take you that long.
It really matters very little what your friends, teachers, parents, etc. think or believe about you.
Because you are you, it is your opinion that counts.
You don't need the validation of others.
But you do need the acceptance, love and validation of yourself.

Life's one choice after another,then you live them, choose wisely.

Life is a series of linear events.
A chain of choices about those events, leading to other events.
Never ending cycles of pain and pleasure for learning and growth.
When the sun shines, it shines on everyone.
When it rains, it rains on all.
Every single person will experience at some point during their lifetime: tragedy, failure, depression and hopelessness.
They will also experience: joy, happiness, success and unconditional love.
We live in a world of duality.
There is a reason for it.



Some people master the rollercoaster ride life offers them, and some don't.
Why?
It is an easy question to answer.
The successful ones believe in themselves and their ability to win.
While the others feel overwhelmed by life's ambivalences.
They do so because their fearful thoughts keep them frozen in indecision, unable to make progress, due to fear of failure.
If they only knew that "they were not their thoughts" improvement would be certain.



The reasons for feeling negative about yourself are numerous.
Growing up in a disfunctional family.
The criticism of inexperienced teachers.
Comparing yourself to, and competing with, others.
Holding unrealistic expectations of performance and many more.
The reasons don't matter, they're history.
What matters is now.
This present moment.
What do you do now to change your life.



First of all.
Realize that "you are not your thoughts."
Your thoughts are under your control at all times.
There are no exceptions to this.
People do not make you angry; you allow yourself to become angry.
People do not depress you; you depress yourself.
Your emotions are controlled by you and you alone.
Quit reacting to others in a knee-jerk fashion and start thinking.



I will hope that I at least can rescue one from doom thinking, as it is not worth it.
Just keep only this on thing in mind as it this the phrase that I like the most.

”Live life as long it is there, pray for less fights, spend your last money on a drink and fuck if your life is depending on it.”

The Old Sailor,

If you are old, you should not do these things

Dear Bloggers,

I fell over skating at the Natural Ice rink close to my home at the end of the day of the 8th of januari.
After a few hours my hand started swelling up and I called the doctor’s office and they asked me to come down.
I took my bycycle and took off, a painful experience and I could hardly get my glove of my wrist when I arrived.



Due to a miscommunication among the doctor’s and drouzed by a mix of endorfines and painkillers, I had been waiting for about an hour.
The doctor apolagized and started to diagnose my hand and wrist.
As she was not 100% sure, I consequently ended up in the Emergency room at the Hospital of Heerenveen on a cold winter's evening where a sprained wrist was diagnosed and treated.



The long wait at Emergency room was to be expected but nonetheless was pretty unpleasant.(3 hours having pain and it was pretty busy)
The service was short-staffed but as always staff were excellent and pleasant in spite of being under enormous pressure.
It would have been more comfortable if the coffee machine was also available for patients, but if you need to be operated you might get sick of it.
My brother in law and I were both very tired after the funny ride we had to the hospital.
As the car broke down on the way, one of the transmission belts snapped.
We called the roadservice and they told us it might take up to an hour before they would reach us.
Not very funny standing next to the highway in the freezing cold, with a painful wrist.
A friendly country man stopped in front of the car and asked if he could help us, and he gave me a lift to the emergency room.



My accident experience continued with week later appointment to the surgeons clinic and after getting the cast off, I was advised to take it easy on my wrist the coming weeks.
After four weeks in total I will be out of plaster and able to start to get back to a normal life!
I am managing well and my wrist function is much better than I ever thought possible so soon after my accident.




I start working again as soon as my shift is coming up and I simply have to take it easy, if I am to enthousiastic my wrist and hand will for sure let me know.
The pain is my guide in this case.
This has been very greatly appreciated as I have two children aged 9 and 4 and I'm employed on easy-to-hire-easy-to fire contract (so not much chance of a sick note leading to time off!).



Overall my experience has been very positive (apart from the emergency room) and I am ever grateful to the hospital for excellent staff who are pleasant, efficient and caring under immense pressure.
Eventhough it was busy there was time to have a good laugh.
(If you loose your sence of humor, you loose everything.)

The Old Sailor,

Everything to avoid a winter depression

Dear Bloggers,

When we opened the curtains this morning, the world around us was covered in snow.
My kids were excited, but I start too hate the down parts of this beautiful scenery, instead of enjoying it, but somehow I can’t anymore.
As my wife has to go by car to work, she had to leave early as the forecast was not to good this morning.
There were a lot of accidents reported due to slippery roads and places where they had to deal with glazed frost, they even have closed certain highways because of these so called glaze on the roads.
Gritting was impossible for a few hours.



Tomorrow my kids go ice skating on natural ice, even though the temperatures are rising a bit above zero.
It has been freezing pretty hard for a few nights, strange enough they are having lower temperatures in the south of my country.
I think that I will see my daughter for the first time on ice skates.
As the winters were not that good the last few years.
I am looking forward to see her hassling with her skates, I have explained her that ice skating is about enjoying yourself and not about how great you are.



We've officially entered the hard months, although the days are getting slightly longer, the "dark ages" as the midshipmen at the Naval Academy say: the time of the year when the sun disappears and the pale complexions of your friends remind you that you better take your vitamins or else you'll have a cold to go with your pasty look.
I fear winter each year because many of my depression busters require sunny skies and temperatures in the 20°C.
What does a guy who walks, swims and bikes do for sanity in the winter?
Lots of things.
Here are a few of them:

Careful with sugar.
I think our body gets the cue just before Saint Nicholas that it will be hibernating for a few months, so it needs to ingest everything edible in sight.
And I'm convinced the snow somehow communicates to the human brain the need to consume every kind of chocolate available in the house.
We are mammals, yes, so do we think we need an extra layer of fat in the winter to keep us warm?
I'm starting to think so.
Depressives and addicts need to be especially careful with sweets because the addiction to sugar and white-flour products is very real and physiological, affecting the same biochemical systems in your body as other drugs like heroin.
Your relationship to sweet things is operating on a cellular level.
It is more powerful than you have realized....What you eat can have a huge effect on how you feel."

Give something back.
Ghandi once wrote that "the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."
I believe that a sense of purpose--committing oneself to a noble mission--and acts of altruism are strong antidotes to depression.
The winter months are a good time to do this because the need is greater, the holiday spirit ideally lasts until February, and you don't have the excuse of attending family picnics, unless you live in a sunny southbound country.

Go to sports rehab
Don't let the cold weather be an excuse not to sweat.
We have centers today called "gyms" where people exercise inside!
Granted, it's not the same--watching the news or listening to the soundtrack from "Rocky" as you run in place as opposed to jogging along wooded paths with a view of the bay.
But you accomplish the goal: a heart rate over 140 beats a minute.
The gym is also a kind of support group for me.
These people, I'm guessing, are going after the endorphin buzz just like me because alcohol and recreational drugs don't do the trick anymore.
And, like moi, I suspect that they also have great difficulty meditating.
Every time they close their eyes, they have visions of screaming kids, which are running around the house, bored by playing inside.



Wear bright colours.
I have no research supporting this theory, but I'm quite convinced there is a link between feeling optimistic and sporting bright colours.
It's in line with "faking it 'til you make it," desperate attempts to trick your brain into thinking that it's sunny and beautiful outside--time to celebrate Spring!--even though it's a blizzard with sleet causing some major traffic jams.
Personally, I tend to wear dark colours everyday in the winter.
It's supposed to make you look thinner.
But the result is that I appear as if and feel like I'm going to a funeral every afternoon between the months of November and March.
This isn't good.
Not for a person hardwired to stress and worry and get depressed when it's cold.
So I make a conscious effort to wear bright red, purple, blue, and yellow, and sometimes--if I'm in a rush--all of them together!



Force yourself to go outside.
I realize that the last thing you want to do when it's below zero degrees outside and the roads are slushy is to head outside for a leisurely stroll around the neighborhood.
It's much more fun to cuddle up with a good novel or make chocolate chip cookies and enjoy them with a hot cup of Chocolate.
On many winter days--especially in late January and early February when my brain is done with the darkness--I have to literally force myself outside, however brief. Because even on cloudy and overcast days, your mood can benefit from exposure to sunlight.
Midday light, especially, provides Vitamin D to help boost your limbic system, the emotional center of the brain.
And there is something so healing about connecting with nature, even if it's covered in snow.

Head South
Granted, this solution isn't free, especially if you live in Friesland.
But you do not need to travel the most expensive way, to transplant your body and mind to a sunny spot for a few days.
Just try to schedule your yearly vacation the last week of January or the first week of February so that it breaks up the winter and so that I have something to look forward to in those depressing weeks following the holidays.



Take up a project.
There's no time like winter to start a home project, like clearing out the mess or purging all the old clothes in your kids' closets.
When a friend of mine was going through a tough time, she painted her entire house--every room downstairs with two different colours.
And it looked professional!
Not only did it help distract her from her problems, but it provided her with a sense of accomplishment that she desperately needed those months, something to feel good about as she saw other things crumble around her.
Projects like organizing bookshelves, shredding old tax returns, and cleaning out the garage are perfect activities for the dreary months of the year.
And hey, most of them are free!



Challenge yourself.
My mood can often be lifted by meeting a new challenge--an activity that is formidable enough to keep my attention, but easy enough to do when my brain is moody.
Learning how to record and edit video blogs, for this guy who is not that good, with this kind of technology, turned out to be great fun.
I try to stretch myself in a small way every winter--whether it is taking a drawing course, researching the genetics of mood disorders, or trying to build myself a website.
It keeps my brain from freezing, like the rest of my body.

Light a candle.
If I counted up all the minutes I've spent staring into a flame, I wonder how many years of my life that would be.
Certainly more than the hours I've spent brushing my teeth or combing my hair.
It would probably even surpass the combination of bath and shower time.
For some reason I assume “That my brain spinning’s” are coming out better if I stick my face in a hot glowing body of flame.
The scarlet blaze generates a feeling of hope, of a fragile but fierce voice, that whispers: "you're not off the hook yet...hang in there."

The Old Sailor,

A happy start of 2009

Dear Bloggers,

Welcome back in 2009, and now the happy eating days are over.
It is every year the same that you think maybe this year I am gone lose some weight as the last days of 2008 were passing with loads of delicious food.
And I am not sure if I gained any weight but in my case, I can loose several kilo’s anyway.

Every year again I am making the resolution to loose a bit of weight and gain a bit of happiness.
It seems that fat people are happier than thin ones.
The studies have concluded that:

Thin people are much more likely to commit suicide than large ones (suicide decrease by 15 percent for each 5kg per square meter increase in BMI - body mass index);

As the BMI rose the risk of depression decrease;

Fat people are more jovial and content than skinny ones;

Not fatness alone cause people to be happier, but increase in body mass index (fat & muscle mass) which, think researchers, is correlated with insulin resistance, and insulin associated with serotonin - the feel-good hormone.



So increase in your BMI determine a rise in the quantity of serotonin in your body, which leads to a happy state.
What if we think this causal chain conversely - fat people are happier not because of fat but they get fat because they are jovial, cheerful and content.
Because they see life and all what happen to them in a more optimistic way.
This can be a “vicious circle”, we don’t know which one happen first: happiness or fatness.
And we may say that if we are happy then we get a little fat, and if we got fat then our level of happiness rise, this new level of happiness will determine a new increase of our weight, and so on. Here rise two questions: Which one occur first? When stops this causal chain?

I think it’s a matter of balance, if we fall in one of these extremes we can’t be happy at all.
One may say that even if fat people are happier than thin ones, the latter ones are more healthier, good-looking and physically active than first ones.



Obese people can’t be happy even if they live in a juice of serotonin.
How may they be if their health suffer a lot, if they don’t look very good, and aren’t physically active (physical exercise and activity correlate strongly with happiness)?! Very skinny people can’t be happy either. Their level of serotonin is too low, health isn’t too good, whole energy level is low.

The middle way was always the golden way.
The fit people (naturally or through light and regularly exercises) aren’t too fat but have enough fat and muscle mass to be happy.
They aren’t too skinny but are thin enough to be healthy, to look great and to be physically active.



Yes, lets hope that fat will become muscles, and still being able to enjoy a little bit of a happy life.
And let’s hope that we all gain something else extra instead of weight.

In my case, I’m not entirely satisfied with how I did.
I did grow in some aspects of my life, but the growth wasn’t as good as it should be.
In certain ways, I was distracted here and there.
On the other hand, I’m glad because I learned some good lessons and that will help me for the years to come.

It’s amazing to see how fast time goes by.
Don’t waste your time next year.
Make it a year of difference.

The Old Sailor,

What about 2009

Dear Bloggers,

This will be the last one for the year 2008, in the start of 2009 I will see you again.
I hope that I made your live a little bit more fun through reading my blogs.
Well here is the story.................

I crawled into bed late last night, I did not set my alarm at all, inhaled deeply, curled up with my pillow, and then...was “noiseless” (no engines running and that kind of stuff.) and quiet and snuggled up and wide awake.
I made all this room for a full night's sleep and instead, all I could do was think.
And think and think and think.



Stuck as I am to a daily rhythm I sneaked out of bed quietly, not to wake up anyone else.
I hate myself for this, as I am too impatient to stay in bed and waste my time.

Once thinking over my to do list and panic about how long it takes me to get a few little jobs done, one question lingered in my thoughts, in the dark, as the clock ticked on to the hours past midnight: What about next year?



It didn't feel like a frantic question in my mind.
Instead, it was soothing.
I felt like, once the other thoughts stopped running through my brain, I needed a solution to keep all those strange details quiet.
Maybe for good.
At least for the year.

So, what about next year?

My first thought was to come up with a list of resolutions.
The trouble with resolutions, though, is that they are just filled with pressure and so easy to break.
Then the little leftover guilt pokes at you for the next ten months until you blow it all up again.
Resolutions are not the answer (at least for me, at least this time).

Without resolutions, the question of next year was left hanging.
And then the thought came to me that maybe I just need to create a good intention for my year.
Maybe what would work better for me is to decide how I'd like to live this year and let all the tasks and goals fall under that as I have time and energy and inspiration.

My thoughts quieted for a moment and then the words "self-care" came to me. It's not a revolutionary phrase, not a big, new idea that will blow you or me or anyone else out of the water.
But it was enough.



I've had the kind of manic year that has made it pretty difficult to be good to myself and as it ends, everything in my life was stormy.
I am feeling the impact of putting myself second or fifth place or even dead last.
So I am setting my sights on self-care in 2009.

I'd like that intention to include more nights when I go to bed early, fewer racing thoughts, a return to yoga and meditation and fun kinds of fitness, maybe some time just to do artistic things like drawing and painting . The list could go on and on, and I am sure that every month I will think of new ways to tend to myself.



Will this work better than setting a goal weight or bedtime or number of cardio sessions to punch on my class card? I don't know. But last night, the stress left me and I really settled in when I thought about creating an intention rather than coming up with a resolution. So I choose to go with being inspired by the calm rather than motivated by more pressure this time around the calendar.

But why do these good intentions fail?
In a few days we stand at the beginning of a new year.
New rounds and new chances and of course not to forget new “good” intensions for the new year.

Approximately half of all the Dutch people starts the new year with good intentions.
Most of the time those are intentions that they’ve had before and most of the time those intentions will never become reality.



More than three-quarter of the above mentioned people have the “syndrome of false hope”. If an intention goes into fog, people simply find the intention too difficult or they say that they haven’t done their best. Eventually less than a quarter of those people realize their intentions.

But why in fact do good intentions fail?



1. Lack of knowledge:
People jump in the deep and have no idea what setbacks they will meet with or seductions they encounter and they have no idea how to handle this. The consequence is they rapidly will revert to the old pattern.

2. Too difficult to gain your aim.
To gain your aim means in fact: grow. Think about making smaller steps to attain your personal goal. By making a couple of small steps it will be easier to attain your final goal.

3. The all or nothing idea:
This is the common pitfall. Don’t expect you gain your aim faultless. From time to time there will be a lack of motivation or plenty of seductions. Therefore it is difficult to stay on the correct path. Don’t become demotivated as a result, and always try to continue the right track and always remember your aim. However if you are too far from your aim, you would be well-advised to adjust your aim.

4. I will do it tomorrow, however:
Action!! Some people are able to undertake action immediately and others always postpone everything. In the last case you certainly not come closer to your aim. Organisation and planning are super important!! Write weekly returning moments in you diary. You will aim to goal with less stress.



What about you?
Or would a good intention be good enough for you this New Year?

Well I stick to this phrase like always: “Live life as long it is there, pray for less fights, spend your last money on a drink and fuck if your life is depending on it.”

The Old Sailor,

A christmas story

Dear Bloggers,

As I am not much of a Christmas fan, but I will tell you a little Christmas story.
After this, I will put the keyboard in the corner for the coming days.
I shall try to write one more just before the end of the year.
Well here the story comes, have some happy holidays and celebrate Christmas how you think it is right.

On a dark, cold and storm full night, that is how it starts.
It was Christmas Eve.
It was snowing, and I was all alone outside, and I have no family.

So, I'm just sitting there, minding my own business, when out of nowhere, someone sits down next to me.
It's a man, I can tell, because he's wearing shorts and his legs are not shaved.
I ignore him.

Then, he decides to speak.
"You shouldn't be out here alone," he said in a soft voice.
His voice was deep, and he had an accent, I guessed north of England somewhere.
I continued to ignore the mystery-man.
"Don't you have somewhere to go?
It's not safe out here.
"I have nowhere to go."
I responded finally.



"Don't you have family?" he asked, turning towards me slightly.
I still did not look up at him.
"Not anymore.
They kicked me out."
"On Christmas Eve?!" the man exclaimed, sounding shocked.
"They kicked you out on Christmas eve, when it's snowing and like, five below zero?! Jeez!"

"Well, it was their choice."
"Do you have a place to stay at least?
A friend's house maybe?"
"No."
"Alright".
Come and go with me to my place.
You can stay there.

" Alarmed, I looked up at the man".
"Umm..." was all I could say.
"Please?
I'll give you some dry, warm clothes.

" His blue eyes were wide, and i was shocked by how beautiful they were.
(was this the so called Messiah?)
"Why are you being nice to me?" I asked quietly.
"Because no one deserves to be alone on Christmas.
Now, come on, before you freeze out here."



"What's your name?" he asked, suddenly realising he didn't know it.
I did not answer but there was hot chocolate on the stove, and I got a very cozy place to sleep.

I thought by myself:
"Like, a half an hour ago".
I was outside all alone, and he brought me back here.
"I seriously thought you were going to die, because it's so bloody cold out there."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The next morning, I woke up, comfortable and warm.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS, MATE!!!!!!!!!!!" satisfied, he skipped out of the room towards the Christmas tree.
Suddenly, i felt sad.

Everyone else was going to have a great, present-filled Christmas.
Except for me.
"Everybody needs a present on Christmas," he told me.
A lump came to my throat.

I'd never had a Christmas present before.
"Open it!" With shaking fingers, i took off the wrapper.
"thank you." I whispered, tears forming in my eyes.



This kind of thing was new to me.
I'd never had someone be so kind.

Even though it was something simple it was given from the heart.
"Personally, a smile is all I want."
I smiled at him.

He took me to my house to pick up some of my clothes.
They answered the door.
"What are you doing here?" my wife snarled.
"We just need to pick up some of his things, ma'am," He said, squeezing my hand for support.

"And to wish you a Merry Christmas, of course."
My wife stepped aside.
In almost no time, I had packed everything I needed for a new life.
A better life.

I had to make a new start again, it was all a bad dream, but it might happen for real.



"Because... not everything in live is as nice as we had hoped for".
It is just a story that might be possibly happening in anyone's live, even though it is Christmas.

If you can't get along with each other this could be your future, but in every sad story there is a little bit of light at the end of the tunnel.

There are some good people out there, so give the beggar some coins.
He might become your friend one day.

And get everything out of life before it is too late.
"Merry Christmas, to everyone that needs it."

The Old Sailor,

The Christmas feeling.

Dear Bloggers,

Yeah....right,

All around there are notes that they'll be back in a week or so when the calendar has rolled over.
No such luck is in my mind, where this time of year marks that we have to get it finished before it is too late again.



Sorry I don't do Christmas.
There I said it.
I don't like the holiday.


Santa's last days of Christmas

Materially, I have everything I want.
I have done Christian Christmas and figured out by reading further that this is one of the biggest lies ever told.



If you compare the Christian way to the ancient Egypt’s or Bhoeddist religions (and there are many more of them).
They are basically seen all the same, it is only a matter of how they have been forced into our lives.
Even astrologists have an explanation for it.


How to safe money during the credit crunch

I've noticed that people who say they are experiencing the cheer of the holiday are tensed, sometimes grumpy, and a lot of them are drunk.



I'd be much happier if we could do some spontaneous carol-singing and ho ho ho'ing in January or May or September.


Out Hunting, best day ever

By moving around I've lessened the effect of the holiday on my existence; it used to be, when I was younger and did not know that much about the backgrounds, that a full two weeks of the year were spent in fake joy.
Now I've got it down to just a few days.



He does not really exist was the first disappointment, after that the Christmas feeling started to crumble down.
(All parents are the same; they all lie to their kids and tell them not to.)
I have a job to do, celebrate with my family, and of course great food.



I want to lose some weight, get some colour in my face, and surprise people who don't expect much, but that has too wait until the next year.
And while I don't like Christmas, I do like the New Year's.



Instead of celebrating the birth of a "king" over 2000 years ago,I would have more with a queen.(All I want for Christmas is ...... , please fill in your own text as it is your present).
Oh I got carried away again, and yes a dirty mind is a joy forever.



So let's raise a glass in remembrance of 2008, and in expectation of 2009


Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year,
Even if you do something silly in these days do it save.
Otherwise you might and up with unexpected or unwanted relationship gifts.

The Old Sailor,

What is on every man's mind

Dear Bloggers,

Every man with a woman knows the duality of relationships.
It is a situation where you get caught in as soon as you are in a steady relationship, when you’re relationship is getting in jeopardy, you go out hunting again.
Even if she's the perfect woman for you, a woman who might be stunningly attractive, most of us feel compelled to look at other women.
As men we are dealing differently with fantasies then women.
We are more visual hunters, and that is the reason why we think so much of sex.
Our brains are simply not hooked to one fantasy and yes, sex sells.



Women don't appreciate this male dilemma.
Oftentimes, they will do everything in their power to discourage it.
Irrational violent mood swings and arguments are their main weapons of choice.



The goal here is to master the art of this type of female appreciation, while keeping it a strictly covert act.
And although the absolute greatest tool for this is no doubt a good pair of sunglasses, wearing them is not always possible, for reasons of wardrobe restrictions and weather.

What follows is a list of different approaches and techniques for both sides of the male relationship perspective; the one who wants to keep his wife happy, and the other that wants to protect his own ass while taking in the wonderful sights.
Enjoy.



Women are suckers for anything that comes close to a public display of affection.
Kisses, hugs, hand holding, you name it, and they almost certainly love it.
One of the easiest ways to check out other women then is to exploit this weakness by showing affection for your partner and physically clearing your field of vision.



The womanly instinct: using a woman's nature against her.
Your woman's mistrust for other women is your best friend here.
Essentially, most women are three to four drinks away from being either lesbian curious or in a vicious catfight... such are the contradictions of the fairer sex. There is no way for us to understand this fully, as our penises don't allow this sort of information to compute.

That said, here's a way to play off this female curiosity: The negative observation Commenting on the appearance of other women is a sure-fire means of openly and safely taking in the sight of other women, if done properly, make sure that anything you say sheds a negative light on the other woman and a positive one on yours, making her feel somehow superior.

Examples:
"Wow, look at how trashy she is."
"Doesn't anyone have natural breasts anymore?"
"Man, imagine what she really looks like without all that make-up."

Comments and questions of this sort will catch your wife's attention and she'll delight in the opportunity to shoot off one of her own -- all the while with you watching.



Diversions and distractions: buying time.
Oftentimes, the best way for you to look at other women is by getting your lady to look elsewhere.
Here are a couple of easy ways to do just that.

The point: If you happen to be in a shopping area, your environment is ideally suited to maximum "bird watching."
If you're in a pinch, consider pointing to a store or product and saying, "Hey, look at that!"
This works especially well if you're lucky enough to be near something you know she will be interested in (such as jewels or shoes).
This can also work well outside of shopping areas, with literally anything in your field of vision acting as a potential smoke screen.



The quest for opinion: Asking her opinions on products is another good way to go about creating time for you to peek at others.
This can include one-upping the last idea by not only pointing but also inquiring about the objects in storefront windows, or if worse comes to worst, cars, buildings or anything else in sight.

The purse hunt Almost every woman comes with a built-in escape hatch -- her purse. By simply asking her to look for something in her bag you can create the time needed to catch a glimpse of other women.
This can include anything from asking for a piece of gum, a breath mint or even a pen. And now, on to the art of stalling...



Stalling: lulling your partner. Certain commonly engaged-in acts can be useful tools in this situation, as most are far too boring for your girlfriend to closely inspect.
Provided you wait until she looks away, these are always available to you, and can be done on a moment's notice.
The shoelace tying Raise your foot and lean your shoe on any raised surface; this keeps you from having to bend down, which would limit your sightlines.
Hopefully at this stage in the game, you can tie a knot without looking.

The dandruff removal:
Wiping dandruff from your shoulders.
Admittedly this is one of the crudest techniques around, but one that can still prove helpful in a pinch, and most especially when walking beside an attractive woman.
Simply stroke your hand across your shoulders slowly, as if wishing to rid yourself of stubborn yet imaginary dandruff.

Honesty: when lying gets tiring.
For those fed up with hiding, honesty truly is the best policy, especially if you like to fight.
That said, being in the dating doghouse doesn't always have to go hand in hand with the honest approach, and if your wife is cool with it, you might even be able to enjoy looking at other women with her.

This works best with couples in long-term relationships who are completely comfortable with each other.
In this case, your girlfriend might have no trouble with you saying, "She's beautiful, isn't she?"
Of course, the only way to find out is by trying it.
Choose the right words. When going with the honest approach, make sure to steer clear of words like, "hot," "sexy" and "smoking."
These words imply a flat-out lustful sexuality, which may put your girl on the defensive.
Sticking with softer words like "beautiful," "pretty" and "cute" can help create the trust you need for honest exchanges.



WHAT IF SHE CATCHES YOU?
If she happens to catch you in the act of looking/staring at another woman, you can do one of two things: Either resort to the forementioned tactic of commenting and demeaning, or simply fess up.
The latter option might often be your best, and frankly only, option, as you can make matters worse if she sees through your lies.
If you know you can't get away with it, tell her something like, "Doesn't she look like Cameron Diaz?" or simply, "Okay, I was looking at her".
"But you have to admit she's attractive, right?"
No matter what, however, never compliment a woman in a way that can make your wife self-conscious.

Don't, for example, ever talk about breasts, butt size, legs, or weight issues, as this would bother most women.
Any attempt to cover your tracks, like telling her you heard 74% of women with breast implants are blonde will only backfire, as no doubt she'll think you not only consider her breasts are too small, but you also wish she were blonde (or blonder) too.



APPRECIATE OTHER WOMEN
Sure, this is shallow, but it's a necessary evil, something we not only like to do, but must.
Following some of these suggestions will help make your life more headache-free, and will keep your girl from catching on.

Make sure to use my tips sporadically, alternating them as often as you can. Predictability and familiarity are your enemies. In the end, some would say that if you have to use these tips, then you might be whipped.
But remember that knowledge is essential, especially if you happen to catch her applying these techniques.

I just follow these lines in life:”Live life as long it is there, pray for less fights, spend your last money on a drink and fuck if your life is depending on it.”

The Old Sailor,