How to understand a womans way of thinking.

Dear Bloggers,


I will be probably in every female readers mind as sexist male, but that was not the idea when i started writing this and I did a fair amount of research before I would burn my fingers on this subject. I have tried to write it in the way that I think how womens minds are working. I came up with this after watching the movie "What women want." were he can hear what women think and he can give them the right answers. (wooh.................Spooky.) The movie is with a real die hard in the world of actionmovies Mel Gibson and starts of like we all know him as the ultimate alpha male (that is the same guy from Mad Max and Braveheart a few of my kind of movies.) but after a nasty fall with a hairdryer into the bathtub it really becomes scarey.

Let me start this part of this blog with a brief explanation of how women's hormones affect their sex drive. When the hormones start fluctuating up and down inside a woman's body it's not just some chemical change that goes unnoticed. It affects the way she thinks, the way she feels mentally as well as the way she feels physically. If a woman's hormones are out of whack she may feel like killing her husband for looking at her funny.

Let's talk about the effect children have on a woman's level of desire. Children are a joy to have and there are very few moms who hate being one, most are enthralled with the idea even before conception. Once kids arrive on the scene however, a woman's priorities change. Meeting you at the front door naked with the exception of pearls becomes secondary to making sure the kids are breathing properly at night. In other words while you might still be the hunka hunka hot love master in her life you are not who she thinks of first thing in the morning anymore. I completely understand how you as men might feel a little hurt by that but let me be perfectly honest here; we all know that when the household 16 month old is standing up in the crib banging on the side of it with a toy and has a poopy diaper drooping to his knees it's not going to be you that runs off to clean it up. It will be in most cases your wife that will concern herself with diaper rash and stinky bottoms, and if she doesn't think of these things first thing in the morning, who will? It does get better though, the kids do get older and more self reliant and eventually they won't need you at night time anymore.

So, now, if your wife isn't experiencing menopause, hormones are fine, the kids are older and you still aren't getting any then this part is most likely for you. Stop acting like Harry the caveman and remind her that you at one time had some manners.

Be nice. That's right I said it, be nice. Don't bother using the excuse, "well she's not nice to me." If you had to put up with the things I described in this article would you feel like being nice? Instead of coming home from work and dropping all your belongings by the door and hitting the beer take a few moments to pull her aside, away from the kids and just say hello. That ten second hello can change the rest of your wife's day, who knows you might just get lucky. It's hard to be nice to someone when you feel like you've been taken advantage of and that's what a lot of women feel like.

How to Get Some

Now that you understand why you haven't been having as much sex as you like, let me tell you how you can get it. There will be challenges along the way and your timing might be off but with a lot of practice you will eventually hit the target and get laid.

Do not assume your wife is thinking about sex while she's lounging in the tub. Chances are she's hoping that you aren't thinking about sex and that she's being treated to a wonderful night of kid free sleep. This is where you have to get crafty and be extremely sensitive to her moods. Tune in you big harry caveman and watch how she reacts to what you do. If at any time she sighs heavily, (and I do not mean while in throws of passion) acts as though she's tired or avoids intimacy at all, back off. You're pushing too fast and irritating her.

While she's lounging in that tub get yourself ready. Light the candles and put on some music you both enjoy. Turn down the bed and place the massaging lotion nearby. Spray the sheets with your cologne, the sense of smell heightens a woman's sex drive and that's what you're aiming for. Now grab a towel as soon as you hear the water draining from the tub and go in there and help her dry off. You're going to have to pay attention at the door and listen for the water because a lot of hotel rooms are soundproof and you may not hear it over the music. When you do step into the bathroom don't just lunge at her like you have never seen her naked before. Move in slowly and gently dry her off with the towel taking the time to plant loving kisses against her skin as you go. If she says stop, then stop and try another slower more gentle approach. If you're doing this right you'll know because she won't stop you and you'll be able to pick up on subtle clues that she's getting in the mood. You should notice her breathing getting a little shallower and depending on the location of the kisses her pulse may pick up. You can tell if her pulse picks up by kissing softly on the inside of her wrist. Notice how crafty that is? This, men, is how you learn to listen to your wife's body.

Once your wife is nice and dry treat her to champagne and brush out her hair. Don't roll your eyes at me either, women love it. It's pampering and all women love to be pampered. Why do you think we enjoy salons and spas the way we do? It's not just because we love to spend your money, although a lot of us do. At this stage of the game you should either be on the bed or a sofa depending on the hotel room you reserved. If you are on the sofa and are nowhere near the bed explore the possibilities of just making out. Making out is a great way to get things going because your wife will then understand that although she's being treated to a night out sex is expected if she's willing to go that far. It's also a way to break the monotony and do something in a strange place which can be a huge turn on. This tactic also gives you a slight advantage. If you are paying attention to what your wife's body is doing during this make out session then you'll know whether or not you're going to have sex before you even hit the bed.

At some point tear yourself away from your wife, or not, and move things to the bed. Remember the massaging lotion I told you to put near the bed? Now's the time big boy; break that baby out. Use it and I don't mean sparingly. Use the whole darn bottle if you want to but make it long, slow and luxurious. Use your body to massage her body, get creative and have fun. Rub her toes just as much as you would rub any other part of her body. Pay special attention to every part of her that you touch.

Don't forget to laugh. Some of the best foreplay is silly pillow talk. Try to remember what it was like before the kids and the mortgage. Bring back that sense of lightness to your relationship with laughter; it's sexy. Sex is supposed to be fun so stop taking yourself so seriously and just goof around like kids again. You should be getting some about now so put this article away and savor your wife.

It doesn't matter what stage you are at in life, no couple should have to endure a sexless marriage. There are things you can do whether it be a medical solution or a personal one, the key is to take the journey together and cherish the moments you do have together because the best thing you can do for your relationship is to keep the spark alive. That and get rid of Harry the caveman.

The Old Sailor,

Counting down to a big change...........or will this be amrageddon for me.

Dear Bloggers,


I wanted Bruce Willis to play the starring role in a movie about my life. I wanted to write a book about my job the way Paolo Coelho does. I wanted to speak to large groups of eager educators and make them laugh with my nutty remarks. These were all goals of mine when I was not suffering from anything, and was full of energy and ideas before I started sailing. I wanted to find happiness through success and this would only happen if you worked hard and did your very best. At least that was what I thought when I started years back making something out of my miserable life, when I did my days in the army I had to find a job to make some money. I was motivated and focused to make a difference and become something in live. I started off as a dishwasher in a local hotel and worked myself up as a bartender and waiter in the hotel restaurant. After a few years I became headwaiter.

Unfortunately there was only work in the summertime and during the winters I did many different tempsjobs. I worked in factories, became an iceskate essembler, was taxidriver and freelanced in the weekends as a bartender in one of the bigger towns. After a few years I had finished my education as
bartender/waiter and dreamt about earning good money and start my own bar elsewhere. First of all I went to Australia with a friend and worked for a wholesaler in Sydney. We made enough money to support ourselves and had a good time. But when the recession broke out we lost our jobs and had to turn back after a few months that was the first setback in my life, but soon I carried on.

And that spring I found a new challenge I wanted to become a sailor with a great salary. My past from the army gave some hindrances and I had to try again, and I ended up on a cruiseship. The life onboard was not very glamorous and the sun and Jim Beam became my best friends. When I came back home I applied for a job as a bartender on a ferry again. This was luxury compared to the liner as I had my own cabin. I hoped that I could climb up the carreerladder and be headbartender at least. Those where all soapbubbles about to burst as in the higher ranks there was no place for me and I saw a lot of good and bad "bosses" in my sailing days. The months between contracts and ships I filled with doing temp jobs and later on I worked as a freight driver. I drove the big cemetmixing trucks and delivered beers and soda for the Heineken company. Until I could not lift heavy anymore due to costochondritis and I needed to do an office job. I started to work as a receptionist on board again.

Everything was going exactly as I had hoped for and planned. I got a job onboard a ferry to the United Kingdom and everything in life was picking up again and we bought a new house to have more space. I never felt at home in this house so we did put up the for sale sign again and will move back to where we came from. The housing market is very slow and we did not have any serious buyers, but we have time as we do not need to sell. If we sell it, it is another part of my life that can be closed. There were good moments and bad moments for us and believe me there were more bad than good ones. It relieved me when my wife agreed with me that I could not really be happy here and that we both missed the lake, why did we move here anyway? My wife and I wanted to live closer to her parents so they could easier help out babysitting. We hardly ever had any benefit out of it and our kids went to a nanny two blocks away.

I did a good job as there were not many complaints on my behalf, paperwork was not my hobby and will never be. And I really enjoyed what I was doing although there were deadlines to catch. And those deadlines were giving me at least a lot of stress situations as I was mr. plentyfix and I could turn a bad situation into a reasonable one. Until the load was getting to heavy as I could not say NO. When slowly my body started to give up on me. It started with pain in my hands and fingers.The rest of my body quickly followed and by the next month, I was changed into an old man as I was completely turned into a rheumatic person. I was diagnosed with FMS is a rare neurological condition that involves neurotransmitters giving the wrong signals and telling the system of muscles and the nerves throughout the body that I should feel pain. It is rarely damaging, but recovery can be very slow and often patients are left with residual effects. There is also the possibility of relapse when you have a lot of stress.

After being diagnosed with fibromyalgia by the rheumatologist from the local hospital, I was in good health, but body and mind were still ravaged from the syndrome. I was unable to stand or walk for a longer period of time and had very poor use of my hands. I spent the next three months in a local health center where I received three intense therapy sessions a week. By the end of the summer. I was fully discharged from the care of doctors and specialists and had no residual effects. I felt nearly like the same person I was the day before this all started. At least, I thought I was the same person. Until a moisty day came along and I was hit by muscle pains from hell.

Life is like a pop quiz. You can’t plan for it and you only get one chance to do your best. My breakthrough came one day in rehab when I was asking for help to get through everything. I stopped asking when I realized that I had to beat this on my own. I needed to listen to people who couldn’t help
themselves and reach them a helping hand. I knew that I was strong enough to fight this battle with my body and I felt left alone. I learned life doesn’t follow your planner or your schedule. I had to learn to walk instead of running all the time. Life has only one purpose…to happen. If you only focus on all the things that can go wrong and being afraid that your body will give up, you will simply miss the beauty in the things that happen around you and also the small successes that you book yourself. I changed a lot during the course of those months, but more than anything, my belief in the power of the human spirit changed the most. People are capable of extraordinary things. We all have the power to take our current situations in life and make them better. The road to change is littered with obstacles, but they are not permanent hindrances, only temporary roadblocks.

I returned to recently to the job market and applied for lighter jobs the last few months and quickly I realized things were different. From a sailor with no energyloss, I had become a relaxed housedaddy that does not care about stressed situations anymore. A new episode in my book of life had started by ripping out the balck pages. I felt like I was watching someone else and I soon realized that it was the new me. That man in the faded green shirt wasn’t the man who started of this year as a slightly handicapped person. I no longer wanted to change the world. I didn’t want any awards or taps on my shoulder, telling me that I did a good job. I wanted to be happy and I couldn’t be that as a sailor do to the long working days, I needed to start off in something completely new. This summer, I will say goodbye to my career as a sailor and take a job as a busdriver on the citybus with a limited amount of working hours. While taking a drop in pay and, in some peoples eyes, taking a step backwards in my career, I found I had taken a huge step forward. I was doing something again, working with people something I cared deeply about.

I will start working again on Monday and I am really looking forward to it, as it has been a tough year with a lot of ups and downs. And people in offices that do not understand at all why you want to go back to work so badly. They do not see the financial trouble that you have as you need to fight the governments to get some benefits that you are entitled to. Also sitting at home is not my hobby and I am defenitly a lousy housekeeper. The disadvantage that you have as your curriculum vitae tells that you are a person full with adventure as you did so many different jobs. And the lack of experience will give you a lot of rejected applications and therefor very stressfull.

In addition to a change in my career, I had a change in my priorities. I decided to put my wife and family first and everything else as a distant second. I focused on being a "good" husband and having a happy marriage. I rediscovered my passion for my wife and also for recreative cycling, something I had started to lose during my last years of sailing. I took advantage of every good weather day and made sure that I would get a fair set of kilometres on the clock and biked like it was my last day on Earth. Of course the next day I was hoping it was the last day on Earth as usual I was a complete wreck due to the pain as I had overdone it again. I was totally out of balance and I could not except that the old me was not coming back. A psychologist told me that there was no need for finding the old me as he was dead and buried.

Together with my doctor, fysiotherapist, ergotherapist and a dietician I have put my life on the tracks again. And my train is not the fastest but at least it is rolling again. Only when we go uphill we need a bit of help, all the other parts I do without any help. The big difference with the old train is that this one has a break and there is no doubt that it will be used. The new me looks quite similair to the old me but inside there have been big changes.

Hopefully the new me will be a success and I do not need to get higher up. I have the ambition to do a job as good as it gets. I still hope one day there’s a movie made about me. I still hope Bruce Willis will be in the starring role. I still want to write a book. I still want to speak to large groups. These are all goals of mine. I am still motivated and focused. But I have to take care about my energy levels and make sure that my body can handle it. I now hope to find success through happiness. I want to be me…and I’m fine enough with that. Maybe I should change my hair, my house, my clothes, my future, my soul and my name.

How would that sound "The Old Busdriver?"

The Old Sailor,

Dear Bloggers,


I'll tell you how I look at my companion for life called fibro, it became a part of me in my daily life. Acceptance is difficult but as time passes it is becoming easier and by falling on your face you learn things the fastest way. Anxiety is a poor guide so if it is diagnosed then go and search for positive stories on the Internet. What struck me in the beginning that there were much more negative than positive stories to find. But with a little bit of effort put into searching I was able to find them. I have experienced it from the beginning as a terrible thing and the capriciousness with which it all comes and goes makes it difficult to control. Yet I have at some point found some rest and made a good deal with my body. I'm less anxious to do things and I started with a physio fitness program was tailor made for me. In the beginning I had to get used to the idea to do anykind of sports as in my opinion this was absolutely impossible. Still, I put on my "naughty" shoes (sneakers) and gave it a shot. But after the third lesson it was disastrous because my body totally refused to join these days and seriously frustrated I returned home.

Knocked out by FMS

Many people are told by "well-meaning friends/doctors" just get out & exercise. Yes, exercise is very important but it is not a cure, nor is lack of exercise a cause. And it is very possible that they may only be able to do a few light stretches, or to walk one block at a time. The exercise routines I used to do are no longer an option for me. Even athletes who start having problems with FMS have to start at the bottom. It is very frustrating. Exercising causes major pain so it is very important to start slowly. Another problem with FMS is the delayed reaction. Sometimes pains from "over-doing it" don't hit until 24 to 48 hours later. So it is very easy to over-do. You may think you are doing ok, but then the next day it will hit you & knock you flat. Despite the pain it is important to find a routine because it will help you cope and deal with your complaints. If you start slow you will eventually build up to where you can do more & more. Proper counseling is very important, but more importantly you know yourself what you can handle. Your trainer is there to tell you how you do things the right way to practice. The taxation of your body you should try.

My best friend and companion for life: Fibromyalgia

I found peace only when I started practicing Tai Chi and I was told to improve my situation and accepting you are having a disability. A Tai Chi practitioner who ends up in a combat situation, is not so much concerned with eliminating the adversary, but to improve their own position. This requires often initially reported to give up something first. The Tai Chi practitioner does not experience this as a loss but as an investment. By accepting it, it will create a greater freedom of movement within a better position than relativly can be taken by the other. Then the other must give up his position is not as objective but as a side effect experienced by both parties. (There is not so much as a loser in competition, but a recognition of being the better half in the other). For me this was the way to deal with the person that I've become now. It's not really complicated if you know what you can do, and your borders are not your limitations. Also this is a form of acceptance.

Fibro-fog is another aspect that can really throw a person off. Fibro-fog basically means that you can not think clearly and that is sometimes quite difficult.This ranges from doing "stupid" things (like putting the salt & pepper in the refrigerator and putting the milk in the cupboard or forgetting words you have used since kindergarten) to very severe fibro-fog where you can't function (write checks, drive a car, cook dinner, follow a conversation, etc). I often suffer from memory problems as some of the files that exist on my hard drive are erased especially many memories from the past. But some things excist no longer and happened shorter than one year ago. Yet I know I do here to save the story to run. With statements of "Well, help me out on the road."Many times when people are experiencing fibro-fog they don't even realize it! It can be so severe that people may think you are getting dementia. Fibro-fog can occur in short periods here and there, but sometimes days or weeks, even this is different from person to person.

Well I stick to this phrase like always: “Live life as long it is there, pray for less fights, spend your last money on a drink and fuck if your life is depending on it.”

The Old Sailor,

Finally back to work again

Dear Bloggers,


I am 42 and live in Friesland, and I would love to work, but benefits agency UWV gives me hard time. Yet I am now only a busdriver with a lack of experience. It was difficult but I have paid my own training and exams so I made it myself. Yet I feel that the benefits agency does not enough for me to get me to work. I am applying to everything that is available and possible for me to do. If it comes to jobs it is pretty hard to find a suitable job in the Northern regions as there are not that many available.

I worked for a period of time as a truck driver. In 2005 I all of a sudden suffered from a sudden pain between the ribs when I was loading and unloading. Still I continued working until that one wet summerday, during that day with heavy rain I got a bad pneumonia. Pain in the ribs and the result was that subsequently lifting became impossible and that's difficult when you bring around beer kegs. I ended up in hospital and got into the sickness benefits as part of my left lung had collapsed, after a period of recovery I could sometimes on a good day I was able to drive a concrete mixing truck

I could not even walk normally and also went to the pain clinic in hospital as the pain got worse and worse. After a year and a half it was a lot better with me and I wanted to work again. From my eighteenth I've already been working fulltime jobs. First in the hospitality and later on the truck. I've never sat still one minute and always worked hard. I was getting crazy sitting at home doing nothing. But if I was doing to much again I was punished straight away. The pain pulling through felt like having a cardial problem and that was how the medics reacted the first few times and I was rushed by ambulance to the emergency room.

My body was examined in hospital and the diagnosis of Tietze's syndrome led to another and lighter kind of job search, until suddenly a job as a receptionist onboard of a ferry presented itself through an "old" colleague, who knew me already from my restaurant years. I had worked for this boss before and was already familiar with sailing. So that was not a big deal to get used again to the sailing life.

I could not consume all my happiness in this job as after three years out of nothing my body gave up on me and I got stuck in the sickness benefits again and thus lost my job, getting back was not an option because, according to Danish doctors due to my sickness I was 80 to 100 percent disapproved and the labor market I could not enter due to this diagnoses. To be eligible for a benefit in Netherlands I had to be approved as healthy. In my country they say it is something that you have so just get used to it, the doctors don't even take it as a serious matter. So why was it approved by the World Health Organisation in my country.  And so it happened that I was all of a sudden fully fit again. (on paper)

And that just that my illness is mentioned here only as a condition and it is difficult to be in between two camps (countries) that are having a totally different opinion. In my last reassessment, I became pretty angry about this matter. "But according to you guys there is nothing wrong with me, at least that is what you say so I am fit enough to enter the labour market fully," I yelled at the doctor. And I said that I otherwise would have to work illegal and when I would collapse we would see what will happen. The doctor decided to take the matter into his own hands, and gave me the answer "But you can always get back later into the sickness benefit." If I am feeling well I may fully work?
Hmm.... strange that I am a 100% fit to work and that I can do everything I want. I hope very soon to begin as a bus driver. Twenty hours until thirty hours per week I will bring everyone from point A to point B. Of course I had a medical exam and there is nothing that should obstruct me in my job.

It took several months for the people of the UWV realized that I'm unstopable, they approved me well and hopefully will also my benefit money partly stop. Driving on the bus that's my new challenge in this life and experience is the big stumbling block for the employers. Because yes, I think that working with people is great. "But I'd better be listening to my body now and I already had a wonderful job at sea, but the high stress level in this case was the killer. When I see how relaxed I am now, I am thinking sometimes. ''This should have happened much earlier, when I was still in a good "shape".Although this will be a job on a temporary base, I will be starting a new episode in my life.

The Old Sailor

Back to basics due to volcanic ash

Dear Bloggers,


A business trip to Madrid was supposed to last two days. Now it could end up being here for close to two weeks. At least that was before the Volcano in Iceland was disrupting air travelling. The flight back to London was set for Thursday at 11.05am.

But this flight never took off as the airports in the Northern parts of Europe had to be closed and also the airspace around. The authorities said that it was to dangerous to fly as the engines might fully stop due to the particles of the volcano. All of sudden I talked with an old colleague on facebook that was stuck in Spain due to the ash cloud, I could imagine some worse place scenarios to be stuck in. As they had free internet access he asked if I had any ideas how to get home. "Can't you drive down here and pick me up?" I could but you have to pay me big money I told him, but I have a possible way to get home in about two days.

But he is looking for any conceivable way to get back to his family earlier - if he can just get to that more Northern part of Europe. Maybe he could rent a car and make it to Calais in France or Santander in Spain, from where he might be able to take a ferry to England, he said. Booking the ferry from Santander was not an option as more people had the same idea. Not before next week there would be any space available. I suddenly realized that he is one of thousands of travellers stranded in Spain due to the huge cloud of volcanic ash that has enveloped western Europe. The ash has kept major international airports closed since Thursday.

As he was not looking forward to drive such a long distance in one day through Spain and France as the only chance to cross was to drive down to Calais. A nearly 15 hours drive and approximately 1560 kilometers behind the wheel. He asked if I had any suggestions for a stopover and if I knew any good hotels on the way down. I wrote to him if he did not mind to make a bit of sightseeing tour out of it as he needed to make a bit of a detour.

From Madrid he could drive in a bit more then seven hours to Forges in the Corrèze one of the most beautiful peaces of French historic sceneries. The Corrèze boasts a very diverse range of scenery, from the mysterious atmosphere of the Plateau de Millevaches moors to the gentle pace of life in the Brive region, from the sometimes wild gorges of the Dordogne to the green valleys of the Vézère and Auvézère rivers and the forests of the Tulle region. An exceptional built heritage of castles, fortresses, churches and villages bears witness to a rich past. Historic sites, museums and exhibitions offer year-round visits and events, including unusual introductions to the Corrèze’s heritage and generations-old expertise by traditional and contemporary Limousin troubadours. The département also abounds in natural sites, from ancient trees and beautiful gardens to impressive caves. Our comprehensive range of activities will make your holiday here a wonderful and unforgettable experience!

For the night he could probably stay over in auberge de Forges and get a great meal and being pampered by Micheal and Sytze, these guys are running a hotel and stil know what service means. I would say just have a look on their website http://aubergedeforges.com/
After a good breakfast he could carry on with the second part of his journey and pass the city of Orleans who doesn't know the story of Jeanne d'Arc and of course Paris is on the route as well. From Calais there are regulary ferries sailing to Dover or he could maybe go by train with Eurostar.

The closure of most of Europe's airspace except for the eastern and southern rims has cost airlines and airports hundreds of millions of dollars, and these called yesterday for a review of the restrictions. The closure has also stranded hundreds of thousands of passengers and hurt exporters.

The Dutch airline KLM, which flew a test flight on Saturday, said most European airspace was safe despite the growing plume of ash, and dispatched two commercial freight flights to Asia yesterday evening. Today the first commercial flights have been carried out by daylight and eventhough there is still an ash cloud hanging over Europe. They could fly without any severe problems.

All my planning has been for nothing unfortunately as today he could catch a plane to Amsterdam and he will take the ferry from Hoek van Holland to Harwich. He wrote me that he might be using the travel details to go on holiday later this year and drive to the sun instead of flying. Who knows where it was all good for.



The Old Sailor,

Other Side of the World

Dear Bloggers,

This song makes me cry as it is so true.
No more words are needed from my side.
Ok I will give you the lyrics:

KT Tunstall - Other Side Of The World

Over the sea and far away
She's waiting like an iceberg
Waiting to change but she's cold inside
She wants to be like the water

All the muscles tighten in her face
Buries her soul in one embrace
They're one and the same just like water

And the fire fades away, most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses but it's to hard to say
I wish it were simple but we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're the other side of the world to me

And on comes the panic light
Holding on with fingers and feelings alike
But the time has come to move along

And the fire fades away, most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses but it's to hard to say
I wish it were simple but we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're the other side of the world

Can you help me? Can you let me go?
And can you still love me
When you can't see me anymore?

And the fire fades away, most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses but it's to hard to say
I wish it were simple but we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're the other side of the world

You're the other side of the world

You're the other side of the world to me

The Old Sailor,

Get your work and life in balance

Dear Bloggers,

What if you lose your job and you find out that you can not keep up with the fast lane anymore and slowly your body tells you to stop. I have been walking on my toes for quite a long time. All of sudden everything was upside down, instead of falling into a depression, I started arguing with myself about how this could happen to me. And I figured out that I was the only one to blame. I had deep conversations with my psychologist and instead of seeing problems, I have been looking for new opportunities as I had plenty of time. Work-life balance: You have to find the way to restore harmony and reduce stress.

If you can figure out what you like and what gives you stress you can start finding a job that will suite you and is not to heavy to do. Also the time that you will put into your job is critical, A half time job is what I will start with. Ok we need to sell our house and buy a bit smaller house but that is no problem, it also means less cleaning, gardening and so on. Living by the lakes will give a better effect on the both of us, at least that is what we are hoping for.

So if your work life and personal life are out of balance, your stress may be running high. Here's how to reclaim control.

Finding work-life balance in today's frenetically paced world is no simple task.

Do you spend more time at work than at home, and you miss out on a rewarding personal life. Then again, when you face challenges in your personal life, such as caring for an aging parent or coping with marital problems, concentrating on your job can be difficult.

Whether the problem is too much focus on work or too little, when your work life and your personal life feel out of balance, stress — along with its harmful effects — is the result.

The good news is that you can take control of your work-life balance — and give yourself the time to do the things that are most important to you. The first step is to recognize how the world of work has changed. Then you can evaluate your relationship to work and apply some specific strategies for striking a healthier balance.

How work invades your personal life

There was a time when employees showed up for work Monday through Friday and worked eight- to nine-hour days. The boundaries between work and home were fairly clear then. But the world has changed and, unfortunately, the boundaries have blurred for many workers. Here's why:

Global economy. As more skilled workers enter the global labor market and companies outsource or move more jobs to reduce labor costs, people feel pressured to work longer and produce more just to protect their jobs.
International business. Work continues around the world 24 hours a day for some people. If you work in an international organization, you might be on call around the clock for troubleshooting or consulting.
Advanced communication technology. Many people now have the ability to work anywhere — from their home, from their car and even on vacation. And some managers expect this.
Longer hours. Employers commonly ask employees to work longer hours than they're scheduled. Often, overtime is mandatory. If you hope to move up the career ladder, you may find yourself regularly working more than 40 hours a week to achieve and exceed expectations.
Changes in family roles. Today's married worker is typically part of a dual-career couple, which makes it difficult to find time to meet commitments to family, friends and community.

Married to your work
It can be tempting to rack up the hours at work — especially if you're trying to earn a promotion or some extra money for a child's education or a dream vacation. For others, working more hours feels necessary in order to manage the workload. But if you're spending most of your time at work, your home life will likely pay the price. Consider the pros and cons of working extra hours on your work-life balance:

Fatigue. Your ability to think and your eye-hand coordination decrease when you're tired. This means you're less productive and may make more mistakes. These mistakes can lead to injury or rework and negatively impact your professional reputation.
Family. You may miss out on important events, such as your child's first bike ride, your father's 60th birthday or your high-school reunion. Missing out on important milestones may harm relationships with your loved ones.
Friends. Trusted friends are a key part of your support system. But if you're spending time at the office instead of with them, you'll find it difficult to nurture those friendships.
Expectations. If you regularly work extra hours, you may be given more responsibility. This could create a never-ending and increasing cycle, causing more concerns and challenges.

Sometimes working overtime is important. If you work for a company that requires mandatory overtime, you won't be able to avoid it, but you can learn to manage it. Most importantly, say no when you're too tired, when it's affecting your health or when you have crucial family obligations.

Striking the best work-life balance
For most people, juggling the demands of career and personal life is an ongoing challenge. With so many demands on your time — from overtime to family obligations — it can feel difficult to strike this balance. The goal is to make time for the activities that are the most important to you.

Here are some ideas to help you find the balance that's best for you:

Keep a log. Track everything you do for one week. Include work-related and non-work-related activities. Decide what's necessary and what satisfies you the most. Cut or delegate activities you don't enjoy and don't have time for. If you don't have the authority to make certain decisions, talk to your supervisor.
Take advantage of your options. Find out if your employer offers flex hours, a compressed workweek, job-sharing or telecommuting for your role. The flexibility may alleviate some of  your stress and free up some time.

Learn to say no. Whether it's a co-worker asking you to spearhead an extra project or your child's teacher asking you to manage the class play, remember that it's OK to respectfully say no. When you quit doing the things you only do out of guilt or a false sense of obligation, you'll make more room in your life for the activities that are meaningful to you and bring you joy.

Leave work at work. With today's global business mentality and the technology to connect to anyone at any time from virtually anywhere, there's no boundary between work and home — unless you create it. Make a conscious decision to separate work time from personal time. When with your family, for instance, turn off your cell phone and put away your laptop computer.

Manage your time. Organize household tasks efficiently. Doing one or two loads of laundry every day, rather than saving it all for your day off. A weekly family calendar of important dates and a daily list of to-dos will help you avoid deadline panic. Rethink your cleaning standards. An unmade bed or sink of dirty dishes won't impact the quality of your life. Do what needs to be done and let the rest go. If you can afford it, pay someone else to clean your house.

Communicate clearly. Limit time-consuming misunderstandings by communicating clearly and listening carefully. Fight the guilt. Remember, having a family and a job is OK — for both men and women.
Nurture yourself. Set aside time each day for an activity that you enjoy, such as walking, working out or listening to music. Unwind after a hectic workday by reading, practicing yoga, or taking a bath or shower.

Set aside one night each week for recreation. Take the phone off the hook, power down the computer and turn off the TV. Discover activities you can do with your partner, family or friends, such as a night to the theatre, go out for a romantic diner. Making time for activities you enjoy will rejuvenate you.

Protect your day off. Try to schedule some of your routines on workdays so that your days off are more relaxing. Get enough sleep. There's nothing as stressful and potentially dangerous as working when you're sleep-deprived. Not only is your productivity affected, but also you can make costly mistakes. You may then have to work even more hours to make up for these mistakes.

Seek professional help. Everyone needs help from time to time. If your life feels too chaotic to manage and you're spinning your wheels worrying about it, talk with a professional, such as your doctor, a psychologist or a counselor.

And if you're experiencing high levels of stress because of marital, financial, chemical dependency or legal problems your partner might not be in the first place the one to talk to. Remember, striking a work-life balance isn't a one-shot deal. Creating balance in your life is a continuous process. Demands on your time change as your family, interests and work life change. Assess your situation every few months to make sure you're keeping on track. Also your mind should keep up with the aging of your body as you will not be eighteen forever.

Balance doesn't mean doing everything. Examine your priorities and set boundaries. Be firm in what you can and cannot do. Only you can restore harmony to your lifestyle.

The Old Sailor,

Careerwomen are not really sexy

Dear Bloggers,


If you are without a job and you are waiting for your kids at school, you automaticly look at the mums that are standing there. And I must say not many of them would in anyway arouse me. But something was hitting me that the women with their own career talk to you differently then the ones with a parttime job or just being a housewife. Don't get me wrong as I am a persons that thinks that we all should be equal, if it comes to kids, salary or whatsoever.

The ones with a full career are fully dressed up, and complain about changes in the school schedule. These women have the big plus that they can buy everything they want, but are they really happy? The ones being more at home are being more social as well. They chitchat with you about daily news and about their kids, they are more relaxed about themselves and their relation. Funny enough they have gained a bit more weight after childbirth and they have never lost those kilo's again. Not very attractive I think but I do not have to sleep with them.

How do women, careers and marriage mix? Not well at least that is what I would say. Most of these careertigers are having marital or other relation problems. The kids being the victims in this fight have been the glue for a couple of years as there was no time for love. After a working day there is the household to do. So they have hardly any time for eachother and that will give large cracks in your marriage and will lead in most of the cases to a divorce. First of all I thought that this was only the issue in my surroundings, but after reading about it I see it is all over the world happening.

Guys: a word of advice. Marry pretty women or ugly ones. Short ones or tall ones. Blondes or brunettes. Just, whatever you do, don't marry a woman with a career.

Why? Because if many social scientists are to be believed, you run a higher risk of having a bumpy and rocky marriage. While everyone knows that marriage can be stressful, recent studies have found professional women are more likely to get divorced, more likely to cheat and less likely to have children. And if they do have kids, they are more likely to be unhappy about it. A recent study in Social Forces, a research journal, found that women--even those with a "feminist" outlook--are happier when their husband is the primary breadwinner.

Not a happy conclusion, especially given that many men, particularly successful men, are attracted to women with similar goals and aspirations. And why not? After all, your typical career girl is well educated, ambitious, informed and engaged. All seemingly good things, right? Sure … at least until you get married. Then, to put it bluntly, the more successful she is, the more likely she is to grow dissatisfied with you. Sound familiar?

If a host of studies are to be believed, marrying these women is asking for trouble. If they quit their jobs and stay home with the kids, they will be unhappy . They will be unhappy if they make more money than you do . You will be unhappy if they make more money than you do. You will be more likely to fall ill . Even your house will be dirtier.

Why? Well, despite the fact that the link between work, women and divorce rates is complex and controversial, much of the reasoning is based on a lot of economic theory and a bit of common sense. In classic economics, a marriage is, at least in part, an exercise in labor specialization. Traditionally, men have tended to do "market" or paid work outside the home, and women have tended to do "nonmarket" or household work, including raising children. All of the work must get done by somebody, and this pairing, regardless of who is in the home and who is outside the home, accomplishes that goal. Nobel laureate Gary S. Becker argued that when the labor specialization in a marriage decreases--if, for example, both spouses have careers--the overall value of the marriage is lower for both partners because less of the total needed work is getting done, making life harder for both partners and divorce more likely. And, indeed, empirical studies have concluded just that.

The other reason a career can hurt a marriage will be obvious to anyone who has seen his or her mate run off with a co-worker: When your spouse works outside the home, chances increase that he or she will meet someone more likable than you. "The work environment provides a host of potential partners," Hmmm..... how strange, "and individuals frequently find themselves spending a great deal of time with these individuals."

There's more: According to a wide-ranging review of the published literature, the highly educated people are more likely to have had extramarital sex. Additionally, individuals who earn more than € 30,000 a year are more likely to cheat.

And if the cheating leads to divorce, you're really in trouble. Divorce has been positively correlated with higher rates of alcoholism, clinical depression and suicide. Other studies have associated divorce with increased rates of cancer, stroke, and sexually transmitted disease. Plus, divorce is financially devastating. According to one recent study on "Marriage and Divorce's Impact on Wealth," published in The Journal of Sociology, divorced people see their overall net worth drop an average of 77%.

So why not just stay single? Because, academically speaking, a solid marriage has a host of benefits beyond just individual "happiness." There are broader social and health implications as well. "What Do We Know About the Benefits of Marriage?," marriage is positively associated with "better outcomes for children under most circumstances" and higher earnings for adult men, and "being married and being in a satisfying marriage are positively associated with health and negatively associated with mortality." In other words, a good marriage is associated with a higher income, a longer, healthier life and better-adjusted kids.

A word of caution, though: It's important not to confuse correlation with causation. In other words, just because married folks are healthier than single people, it doesn't mean that marriage is causing the health gains. It could just be that healthier people are more likely to be married.

I will put on my apron grab my feather-duster, run around the house with the hoover and do the dishes and think it's not so bad the life that we are living. If I might get bored (I don't think so) I could bake a cake, yeah right! For me it is about time that I get a daytime job again as I am slowly sliding off, I might start to like it as I see my kids every day. I apply to every suitable job but who wants to hire a greyhaired over forty and a dissability to do a fultime job.

The Old Sailor,