It became very quiet in my life

Dear Bloggers,

Due to the autumn holiday, our kids slept over our old babysitters house. I was at home with oly my wife and we decided for a change not to turn on the television. But just sit down at the kitchen table and discuss our future plans. We ended up talking about our old house and made drawings about what was needed to be done, if we could buy the “old” house back. We had very happy times there and we did not have a lot to worry about. Nostalgia was winning terrain and we left behind more realistic options. We could of course buy a bigger and more suitable house. But what would happen if I all of a sudden would call these people and make them an offer that they could buy our house for a few grant more. And these ideas are coming from someone that has no job, no money and no common sense.

It is about time that they come knocking on my door from the “Postcode Loterij” and let us win a reasonable sum of money. We do not need millions but it would be nice that we could realize this funny dream. Here we go again I simply got too much time to think and my brain starts to overreact. Strange enough I am not the only one that is thinking up these kind of crazy ideas. My wife is coming with even bigger plans for the same property. More and more I start thinking about it , and figure out that how stupid we have been to sell this house. Somehow I am doomed tomake these kind of mistakes in my life.

Somehow I think that I was not born for luck at all. As a young lad, I was not the smallest kid, actually you could call me chubby. When I was approximately seven years old, I fell off my pony and hit the stones in the road. My mum took me to the doctor and he told her that my arm was heavily sprained and I should stop whining. After three nights of no sleep as well for my mum and me, we went back to the doctors office. And my mum demanded to get some X-rays made of my arm. The doctor disagreed but my mum was very persistent and got a note for the hospital. At the hospital they gave the answer that the arm has been broken, but it had started to grow back together again. So they had to break it again to get it better located to make it at least a bit straight.

A couple of years later I was in the same hospital again. I was most of the time having trouble with my flu and having a chronic cold all of the winter period, so it was time that my tonsils were removed. A simple operation you will check in in the morning and in the afternoon you could go home again. Well this was not my case, after a few hours I was bleeding pretty badly and I was rushed back to the hospital. I had to stay there for a week to regain my streght as I lost 1½ liters of blood and my body could not cope with large bleedings or wounds.

My adolescent years did not pass without any scratches when I was sixteen years old and driving a moped, I slipped on a rainy evening and hit a lamppost. Consequences: A sprained shoulder and a damaged ego. And of course a lot of damage on my moped. A couple of years later I bought my first car. When you are young, free and single you might end up like me. I was running a bit out of time as I had to work that afternoon. And I started driving reckless but my speedlevel was unfortunate too high for the road curve that I needed to take. And yes I did hit the brakes but the only thing that happened was that I ended up on one side together with my car. Actually I was lucky that only the side of the car was scratched up and the mirror had broken off. I climbed out and pushed the car back on its wheels had a quick look at the damage and carried on with my journey.

After that there followed some periods that I was quite ok, except being lucky in love. I was a lot on the move with my friends, and we did a lot of drinking unless it was your turn to drive. At a certain point I realized this was not the best thing to do in life and I started studying again. During this period I met my wife. All of a sudden I found luck.

But not for long, as we just bought a house, I lost my job (not my own fault) and after a while I found a job on a cruise ship, when I came home again I had to get used to the daily things again.


I applied for a job on a ferry, but the stress was bringing back bad memories from the past. When the firealarm went off I totally lost it. In my army days I got involved with the Herald of Free Enterprise disaster, so I was back home again. Half a year later I sailed again for the same company on a smaller ship on a different route and in a different job. This went on for a few years and I did some jobs in between as the ship was charterd out or sailing on an other ships route, while their ship was in dock.

When we bought this house and just had moved in, I slipped on the stairs just after we had put our oldest daughter to bed. I tumbled down and crashed into the wall. Next thing I remember that I was rushed into the hospital by ambulance. I had been unconscious for a while. I also fractured a thumb and had a brain contusion. After a week I still had trouble walking straight and I fell over to the right all the time. Furthermore I had trouble with mathematics and all my language skills were gone (Dutch, German and English were needed in my job.) I took me a bit more then 1½ year to get my language skill back to a normal level.

In the mean time I had became a lorry driver but I was missing the life at sea. At a certain point I had to stop with my job distribution for the Heineken company as the left side of my body was starting to give trouble. Extreme heavy pains where knocking me out, when I lifted a barrel of beer. Which had never been a problem at all, but now it felt that I had some broken ribs. I was diagnosed with costocohondritis (Tietze syndrome) from that moment I was forced to do an office job.

After a while I was sailing again with my old company as a receptionist. I really enjoyed what I was doing but all of a sudden my full body gave up on me. After a few months in the medical tredmill I got the diagnose Fibromyalgia. The company laid me off and at the hospital they told me that I had to change my lifestyle. Well let me tell you this: I would stop working if I could afford it. (time for the lottery to stop by my door.) I really hope that no one needs to deal with the idiots that I am dealing with now. It is nearly two months now that they should have send me money from the state of Denmark. But these bloody *#%@#+ ?!? can not find my journal back. It is just a bureaucratic nightmare. I think that they should offer me and my family a free holiday to Denmark when this is all running, all inclusive of course.

Make a wish when you see a shooting star, I will take cover as I am affraid that I might get hit.

The Old Sailor,

Top 10 of passengership disasters

Dear Bloggers,

As I am an old sailor, I started wondering about the Titanic disaster as it was rainy and cold outside and I found it time to watch the movie again. The day after I started looking up the disasters of the past years that never became so famous as there were no rich and famous on board. This is what I found strawling on the net.  I made a top 10. If it comes to tragedies the Philippines tops the charts for the World’s 10 passengership disasters in the last 20 years.

The ranking was based the number of casualties in a single maritime disaster. But three of the top maritime disasters in the past two decades happened in Indonesia. To my opinion it is shocking that taking risks at sea is not a very clever thing, it might go wrong one day.

1. MV Doña Paz (Philippines, December 20, 1987)

Passenger vessel MV Doña Paz collided with MT Vector, an oil tanker, along the Tablas Strait, between Mindoro and Marinduque. The collision ignited some 8,800 barrels of petroleum products that Vector was carrying at the time, causing a fire that rapidly engulfed the tanker and the Doña Paz. Subsequent investigations into the incident found that Dona Paz exceeded its passenger and cargo limits and that the Vector’s boat license had expired. Casualties reached 4,375.

2. MV Joola (Senegal, September 26, 2002)

The disaster happened within five minutes after MV Joola sailed to a sea of storm in the coast of Gambia. Various reasons for the disaster were cited, among them overcrowding, and negligence by management as the ship was not originally designed for sea faring. Death toll totaled 1,863.

3. MV al-Salam Boccaccio 98 (Red Sea, February 3, 2006)

Faulty drainage pumps and unpredictable weather were some of the reasons cited for the sinking of MV al-Salam Boccacio 98, a Roll-on/Roll-off ferry, into the depths of the Red Sea. Survivors and eye witnesses said a fire started at the storage area and, as the ship turned, it capsized and eventually sank. 1,018 passengers died in the disaster.

4. MV Bukoba (Lake Victoria, Tanzania, May 21, 1996)

The passenger steamer MV Bukoba sank in Lake Victoria causing 894 casualties while en route to Mwanza, a city in Tanzania. The steamer was already in bad shape before the voyage. It was also found out that the steamer was overcrowded.

5. MS Estonia (Baltic Sea, September 28, 1994)

The locks on the bow visor and bad weather caused this cruise-ferry’s demise. A total of 852 were killed during the tragedy.

6. KM Cahaya Bahari (Indonesia, June 29, 2000)

A total of 550 deaths were recorded after a storm hit and eventually capsized Cahaya Bahari, an Indonesian wooden-hulled ship, off the island of Sulawesi. The ship was overcrowded with refugees fleeing from the Maluku islands.

7. MV Nazreen 1 (Bangladesh, July 8, 2003)

The overcrowded MV Nazreen I sank at the confluence of the Padma, Meghna, and Dakana rivers, considered one of the most dangerous parts of the river from July to October. Casualties were counted at 528 although there’s no recorded number of passengers aboard.

8. Salem Express (Egypt, December 15, 1991)

The Salem Express, a roll-on/roll-off ferry sank off Safaga in the Red Sea as it was crossing the treacherous Hyndman Reefs. Because of the storm, the ship hit a reef, causing the bow visor to open, creating a hole on the starboard side. Water penetrated the ship which eventually sank in 20 minutes. Deaths were counted at 464.

9. MV Senopati Nusantara (Indonesia, December 30, 2006)

The Indonesian ferry sank due to a violent storm off Mandalika Island in the Java Sea. One survivor said that the ship rolled over before it submerged to the depths. Deaths were counted at 461.

10. KM Bismas Raya 2 (Indonesia, October 1999)

KM BIsmas Raya 2 caught fire while off Merauke, Irian Jaya. It eventually capsized and caused the death of 361 people.

For the World’s Worst Maritime Disasters for all time, Poland tops the list with the German liner Wilhelm Gustloff laden with refugees was torpedoed by a Soviet submarine in 1945. About 7,800 people were killed.

The Philippines’ MV Doña Paz disaster ranks 10th overall for the all-time list with about 4,375 people killed.

The Titanic is no longer in the list as it only have 1,517 people killed in 1912. Futrthermore it made me thinking about why a captain wants to go down with his ship. Also there I made a top 10 of reasons that I think is reasonable thinking for a captain. So here they come.

1.Customs and Traditions:

There are unwritten customs and traditions in the Navy which are followed by mariners since centuries. Some of them are hoisting Church Pennant, Dress ing the Ship, measurements by Fathom, giving Gun Salutes, Manning the Rails to give three cheers to honour the distinguished guests, Wardrobe Room. Captain preferring to sink with the ship is also one form of customs and traditions followed in the Navy. You may recollect on such occasions, that a pilot of the aircraft most of the times ejects, as there is no such custom and tradition to be followed.

2.Perform or Perish attitude:

The captain being the hard task master, when fails to perform with other words when he is not able to protect the ship and ships crew prefers to perish, which means he prefers to sink with the ship.

3.Moral responsibility:

Whatsoever may be the reason for the ship to sink, the captain doesn’t blame anyone till his last breath, but ensures that the ships crew is saved or rescued. He owes the moral responsibility for the mishap and prefers to sink with the ship. Such an act of owing moral responsibility is rarely seen in corporate bosses or head of an organisation.

4.Setting an example:

The captain being the No1 in the ship, has to be an example to others. He is the captain as long as the ship floats, but when the ship sinks he is no more a captain. Hence when the ship sinks he prefers to sink with the ship.

5.Mark of respect:

When the ship sinks, the captain sinks with the ship as an act of mark of respect to the ship he commanded.

6.Can’t live without his Lady Love:

The captain can not live without his Ladylove i.e. when his ship sinks. Ship is generally feminine. You may see my earlier post on this subject.

7.My ship and My command attitude:

The captain of a ship, functionally acts as a dictator. Because of this attitude, he feels he is right to sink with the ship when his command collapses.

8.An act of Sacrifice:

The captain feels guilty when the ship sinks and prefers to sink with the ship.

9.To be seen as a Hero or Martyr:

By sinking with the ship, the captain will always be seen as a hero or martyr. If he prefers to survive, he loses his name and fame and will have a miserable life.

10.Fear of prosecution:

If the captain prefers to survive, instead of sinking with the ship, definitely there will be Court-martial/prosecutions leading to disciplinary actions. In most of the cases the judgements will not be in his favour.

I hope I did not scare anyone away from going to sea, as I had some great years out there. Nature is doing what she wants with all of us. But if you see the sunset at sea you know why sailors fell in love with their job.

The Old Sailor,
 

Once upon a time

Dear Bloggers,

I digged in my archives and found this story that I wrote in Dutch in March 2008, It was a hard one to translate but it looks like it that i did it again. So sit back and relax here it comes.

Ok, Let me once again start telling about earlier times.

Yes, if you are getting a bit older you start with memorizing your younger days.

I used to think: When I grow up, or is it .... "When I am old?"

As a little boy I did not dream of being a fireman or a pilot.

I dreamed that I would be a cowboy and then it was not so much about the fact that I wore the popper, but more that I liked their roughneck personality and free spirit.

Also the fact that you should lead a nomadic life.

Endless prairies were in my thoughts and in my imagination I crossed them on horseback.

I often drifted off as I was still quite young, my wild dreams were shattered, because you just had to do your best at school and there would not be such a dream.

I therefore present my best side and do the utmost for my children that they will try as much as possible to realize their dreams.

My wife is not stopping me in this case.

Although it is hard to hear sometimes that your child cannot keep up with the rest of the class at certain studyparts, but on the other hand we are also still there to stimulate them and of course to help them.

The things they learn now is what threatens to hit back in a later school stage because some things they have not fully mastered.

Because unfortunately you are getting nowhere nowadays close to the barge without a proper education.

This contrasts with the time I lived during my childhood, when there were many who had only primary school and that was nothing unusual in those days. (Oh yes, that is called Elementary today)

But I had no idea that these people could trick you with their arithmetic skills, writing skills, or their topographical information.

I will not say that there were no stupid people then, of course they existed.

But why should we teach mental arithmetic?

No, need you have a mobile phone or a calculator for this.

And for the more complicated calculations we use a spreadsheet program on the computer.

The topographic information is now in the art of controlling the GPS navigation system.

Not to mention the art of writing.

First thing we have learned is to write complete sentences.

Now they have MSN or SMS language in which you can sometimes find no logic.

If they write: “Please wait” nowadays, they write:”pls w8”.

But I'm just in my forties, then you are according to the young people an older man.

Did I grow old too soon?

Did I become too old to dream?

Soon I probably get an automatically generated letter from somekind of institution that I must report to the club of elderly blokes that hang out with eachother.

In my youth you had respect for those "old men" who gathered every day at to the so-called "lie bench" where they spent many hours.

Overlooking the harbor.

Here they criticized everything that happened in the world.

And that world was much smaller than the world of today.

Ok there was a newspaper (printed on paper and a black and white TV and a radio but that was all technology available to our needs.)

Everything happens so fast nowadays and it is quite difficult sometimes to keep up with everything.

Yes, once the world was still very small but relatively safe for us.

The Old Sailor,

House For Sale by Lucifer

Saturday October 10 you can visit my house, so if you are a potential buyer have a look at funda.nl or come and see me between 11:00 and 15:00 hrs.

The Old Sailor,

I need a little help getting over being laid off...

Dear Bloggers,

I worked for the same employer for so many years, thought they were great (in some ways, still do) but was blindsided by a layoff due to health reasons. I loved my job, the customers, most of the staff, etc. It's been two weeks, and I'm just at a loss at what to do with myself to ward off the obsessing over every little thing that's gone on in my life in the last year. I keep trying to tell myself to let it go, can't change the past, etc. but it's literally what I go to bed thinking about, dream about and then get up about but still I am trying to keep busy, obviously looking for a job. I have unemployment insurance but the bloody state of Denmark is extremely slow with their payments and while things will be tight for awhile, it's not crucial that I am employed right away and I am very wary of continuing in the same field. I am so far applying for jobs that use my skills but are not anything like what I did before. I will still try to find a job working with customers.I'm interested in hearing other people's stories about what they did to ward off the laid-off demons, especially if you feel you ended up a lot better off !!

For me, the hardest part about being laid-off was not being able to control a major decision in my life. The company management makes the decision that there is going to be a lay-off, decides who will be affected, when it will be implemented, and what the terms are. The decision has the most profound effect on the employee. Getting laid off creates a ton of stress -- Will I get a new job? Will I have enough money? What about health insurance? But to top it off, it is a humiliating process.Then you have to follow up the lay-off with looking for work. Again, it is a process completely out of your control. You send resumes, emails, make calls and you may or may not get a response. The process reassures you that you are not in control of your career.

I dealt with it by countering the feeling of helplessness. I used my time off to take control of my health. I started cycling as much as possible on good days and getting into shape. I found an aspect of my life that was important to me and that I could keep in my control. At the time I had no idea that I was doing this, but when I look back now I can see that it was the most beneficial thing that I did to deal with the situation. And I don't want to set the bar too high -- I didn't turn myself into some sort of Ironman I just got some exercise, ate better, and lost some weight. But the important thing was that I was working towards something that I had decided. All that said, being laid-off was still a miserable, stressful, and lonely time in my life. I don't think it is all that unusual to be 'lost' for the first month. I know I had a hard time finding the motivation to do anything, including looking for work, during that first month. If for some reason your financial situation allows it, then let yourself take it easy for a month.

Unfortunatly my financial situation is bad at the moment and I had to give my case to an attorney to get things sorted. It is incredible how slow these things can work and that they still call it a social system. You get stressed already when you have to phone them, 48 minutes waiting time is far to long in my opinion but does not seem to be abnormal. (long distance call alhough inside Europe)
As soon as you are through you can sense the dispatchers panic as she has to speak English to me, instead of Danish but she is trying at least. Downpart of the phonecall is that my case is not investigated yet, so she can only answer a few of my questions. My case was sended to them a fortnight ago. On top of that I am battling with some sore throat problems and some flu kind of symptoms. If this is the swine flu I think I found a cure to stop it:

How we keep grip on the swine flu pandemic

As you know, the (Mexican) swine flu easily transferable via eg doorknobs, keyboards, taps, etcetera etcetera . Recent research has shown that the bacterium is very easily transmitted through the use of coins and banknotes. The bacterium attaches itself very well to the notes and coins which daily go through many hands, which is an increased risk of infection with it. To keep the swine flu outdoors, you can drop off your used coins and banknotes from now =For Free = hand them in to me. I will personally ensure that your capital will be destroyed. I will also ensure that the bacteria no chance to cause further contamination. You can either hand in your coins and banknotes with me or drop them off in the mail-box. The mail-box will be emptied and cleaned every day in order to combat infection. Spread the word ... Spread the word ... Spread the word ... of course if you live far away you can also send a cheque or ask for my bank account.

The Old Sailor,

The Sneeze

Is that water running from your nose?????
No it's SNOT !!!!!!!!!!!

Time to go and get your flu shot for all you chronic sick bastards.

Getting back to work has hooks and eyes

Dear Bloggers,

At the moment my challenge is to find a new job, which I can fill in with my needs so they fit better with my illness.

I've also applied for a job as a bus driver.

Most likely there is for the employer financially support possible for me to integrate within the company.

A part-time job is better than no job at all, and after all my efforts that I made to return to work and to get in such a condition again that working would be in the possibilities.

Research has shown that most people on benefits want to work.

But there are many obstacles, so face the unemployed and disabled.

The majority of people on benefits want to work.

This became clear from the published report. “Wel of niet aan het werk” of the Social and Cultural Planning Office and the Council for Work and Income.

Unemployed, disabled and workers were interviewed for the study of the report. The report shows that the willingness to work among beneficiaries is high. Of the people who are partially incapacitated, 57 percent wants a paid job. Even the wholly disabled says one in five that they want to work. The study also shows that many part-timers have the desire to expand their job. Of the respondents who have been unemployed and currently work, says 40 percent to work longer hours.

It is not always about the money that beneficiaries want a job, the study shows. The disabled have the need of other social contacts and a meaningful time use to be the main motives.
People in jobs who want to work more hours, give more money as a key reason.

The report shows that disabled mainly because of health problems not find suitable work. In addition, they run around with the idea: “ I do not find a job” for a disabled or unemployed this is the main obstacle. The part-time favorite is the respondents: half would prefer between 12 and 35 hours per week.

There is much criticism of assistance to return to the workplace. More than half of the respondents experienced insufficient support in re-integrating. The Social Services, benefits agency UWV and re-integratoin companies scoring a thick below average. They get a 5.5 average on the scale of 10. With institutions like this it is often a lack of personal support. The return to work after long illness represents a serious problem for many. Half said they had been able to return to work faster if there would have been better measures taken, including a re-assignment or a different employer.
The reaction is far too slow in these passive, lingering organizations.

The report is a support in the back of the cabinet, more Dutch people will have to work. This is necessary to cover the costs of aging better able to absorb, but also to prevent people despite economic growth and labor shortages at the standard model. Beginning this year, said Minister Wouter Bos (financial minister) There is more work in the labor market. The most important issue in the Netherlands. Enough labor is offered - 700,000 work-wishers, was calculated in 2002 but remains unexploited.

Despite extra efforts to help them get started, decreased the percentage of disabled people since 2002 with a job. Only four in ten have work.
There should just more projects being launched which not only long-term unemployed but also can be used for the disabled. The coalition government has already appointed a commission headed by TNT CEO Peter Bakker. That should make proposals for employment to increase over the current 70 percent to 80 percent of the workforce in 2016. This Taskforce Plus Part-time, that was installed on April 8, should also seek opportunities for part-timers, especially women, to encourage more working hours. The number of employed persons rose by 2.2 percent last year to over 7.7 million, but a relatively large number working in small jobs of less than twelve hours per week.

The Old Sailor,

How to keep the faith?

"Remain confident in the survival of all positive and negative life experiences."

Dear Bloggers,

It's not that I am deeply religious but I've planned to read the Bible once in my life and I planned to get a better understanding of fellow believers.

If you have the feeling that you have lost everything and it is getting hard to stay positive, you will start looking for getting out of this misery.

If your life slides down towards the valley; you will try to slow it down. But if your mind starts slipping too it is going to be a bit of a different story. I am luckely a realistic kind of person and I can quite quickly adapt to these kind of crisis situations.

Anyway no matter what happens it will give some kind of stress. The biggest challenge is to look for another job as I simply cannot sit back and relax.

The Old Sailor appears no longer to feel safe on the spot where he always was safe. A very familiar feeling when something bad happens to you: literally and figuratively as the ground beneath your feet is sinking away and you from one moment to the other lost all grip. For me such a feeling is recognizable.

And the Bible poet writes: In you oh Lord, I have taken refuge; let me never be put to shame; deliver me in your righteousness, turn your ear to me, save me! The poet cries out as the most important thing that should be right in this situation. That there is someone who does justice to you and at least listens to you. You need an ear, which turns to you and will look at you now and what is involved here. A line below the poet asks: Be to me a protective rock? This man feels in a valley, which can be hardly any deeper, a dip where he never will come out. It suddenly calls on me, that this can be seen as my situation.

Only a long way later in the psalm it is the poet that realizes how bad it actually was with him or her. That is why we read, "I am become as broken crockery. A striking image: yourself being the pottery a pitcher, as a part of an expensive dinner set. So worth the trouble of respect: very, cool, healthy. And now suddenly broken, there are cracks in it. Always have felt yourself healthy, suddenly you where not quite sure. For example to live with it always the threat that the humiliating pain comes again as in the beginning. Not sure more of the job, the relationship where you were happy. Your partner to let go, or worse, losing him or her to death.

Broken pottery? never fully and enjoy carefree. Another long way away in the Psalm says the poet? But I trust in You, O Lord, I say: Thou art my God. My times are in your hand? Times, it says there. Time in the plural! Time as a whole firm, solid as a rock. But times, as a succession from one time to a different time, which also wrote Ecclesiastes. A time of joy, a time of sorrow. A time to weep, a time to laugh. Times of ups, downs of times. And all those times together in the hand of the Eternal. Also”My” times. The time of once my health and now became suddenly the time to care about.

The poet of Psalm knows all about this. The poet does not say in this psalm: it happens to me from God. The poet says: there is a hand, which held all the time, held it together, namely: the hand of the Eternal. That contradicts a blind faith in a kind of fatal, crippling fate. Confidence in the Hand that holds you all times of your life around, can create space for it anyway to keep.

We people carry our biography with us. The question is: Do I want to learn something from my life experiences? And dare I ask to be like: where am I?, Am I maybe too much?, Do I enjoy enough?, And where do I go? And last but not least, I dare my time, so my life. My times of ups and my times of downs. My times as a succession from one time to a different time. Can I through the lives of all my positive and negative life experiences remain confident in the Hand? Who holds me and keeps all these times of my life going?

For even as the poet at the end of Psalm 31 wrote to others to say: ”Be strong, all ye that hope in the Eternal” May it be so. I had never imagined such things were in the Bible. Do not think that I'm suddenly converted, but I understand better now that people can draw strength from their faith if the story is explained in the right way.

The Old Sailor,

Joy and enjoy

Dear Bloggers,

Yesterday was not the best day to stay positive, I was back on board to talk things over with my boss. As the job that I was doing is not getting easier the company has decided to give me notice.

You can probably imagine that my mind has been running in circles when I was back home as my little bubble fully bursted. Although I was negative for a couple of hours and did not sleep that good last night. I started of this morning with getting my kids to school and doing my Qi-gong session. After this I made some coffee, shot an e-mail to the Union to help me out. The world is still turning so time to write my story for this week.

You see life as a growth in your ability to enjoy life and to experience joy and happiness is most important in this life.

It is also nothing to laugh about, mental relaxation, quality perception, and are in harmony with existence, and on inner integrity, inner freedom, and experiencing the meaning of your existence.

Living in a positive quality of life implies a certain orientation, open to experience the joy of life and enjoy your life. Living to learn more to enjoy, because only a really intense and you can totally enjoy the meaning of your life experience. . . . . .

And, if there is no growth in your life you enjoy, it's because you always in the trap of fixed subtle negativity, or an obsessive state dissatisfaction, mental stress and negative life quality creates.

Preprogrammed is the collective awareness of the ego?

It is selfish paranoid with a survival mentality that underlies it.

It is also important to realize that you enjoy the intensity of nothing and that has to do with what you enjoy, but the quality of the person who is enjoying.

How uninhibited, free and more positive your life situation is, the purer and more intense, the quality of enjoying will be.

And that which you enjoy is only one reason. . . . . . . However, more negative, more egocentric, dissatisfied, angry, aggressive, etc. your life situation, the less your ability to enjoy.

Your ability to enjoy so you can also see it as a meter for your mental state. . . (!)

And not every day that you enjoyed your life in this beautiful wonderful world of mystery is actually a lost day of your precious life. . . . . . . It is time to have a great laugh and have fun in your life, because it can help to make you aware of mental relaxation.

Just fun "making" has a certain top, more fun than fun is not possible.

This, by the presence of those who enjoy "making" the ego.
We have such fun, because we are on a party, and it is someones birthday.

Cheerfulness is now expected of us, and who is not happy falls out of place.

So everybody "is doing its best" as much as possible to be happy or funny.
For real fun, no party is required.

Fun "making" is something entirely different than the spontaneous fun that you can live together in a genuine sense of shared humor and authentic joy.

This spontaneous pleasure only from a genuine mental state of relaxation.

For many people it is clear to experience, that laughter can give the same relaxation as the mental state of inner kindness, provided however, that laughter truly unconditional and total. You laugh in almost all situations, you may laugh inwardly.

For example, on streets, public transport etc.
Learn the art of laughing at nothing, laughing at the pure laughter, the joy of laughter.

Illogical, but very valuable and important for the development of a truly relaxing positive mental quality of life.

This laughter can find joy in life (like happiness) it needs no reason.
Therefore, it can be comfortable illogical.

For some, this might be a difficult barrier to take, because initially it just seems weird.

However, if you really realize that joy is your natural potential, and no reason is needed, you are taking off all the brakes.
You'll also be much easier in the state of mental relaxation, inner kind of effortless government. How fuller you're "smile power" how bigger your ability to enjoy even more in total.

From your ability to enjoy, you can discover and develop a process by choosing, to make fundamental changes and finally to live in a relaxed state of mind.

That is positive quality of life.

As noted above it is required, to discover and learn to let go of your obsessive state, of any real negativity, aggressiveness, survivalparanoya, making yourself important, arrogance,
discontent, obsessive behavior, greed, desire and mental stress.
Total and intense to really enjoy it is also important to allow yourself to be completely unbiased, without any prejudice or condition, and it should be unlimited.
Also important is to allow yourself to cry with intense experiences.

Crying is primordial and there is nothing obviously wrong with it, no matter whether you're male or female.

The "never-crying man" is just a primitive cultural lying macho ego-conditioning not to appear weak.

Learn to accept your crying in inner honesty and integrity, it is an intense experience of emotions what ever they are caused by.

Also allow yourself to laugh while you enjoy, it creates mental relaxation.

Especially since it seems a bit weird (small insignificant ego) you can have a lot of fun as you experience to enjoy, then you can "enjoy your enjoyment" so you enjoy even more and it is still unrestrained Exuberant joy has a certain excitement and tension, which then migrate to the energy quality of such a free and highly mentally relaxed enjoyment.

This lets you enjoy a relaxed mental inner joy without excitement, which can grow and trans-formation of indescribable love and ecstasy and far beyond it. . . . . . . All this does not mean that there can be no benefit in exuberant joy.

And, if there is your ultimate enjoyment, then there is nothing wrong with that, there is still something to discover an immense enrichment of your life.
Maximum benefit is something you can only happen when you least expect.

So do not want or expect anything, but only open in inner humility, unpretentious nature, be a non-government person, making yourself unimportant and get into a relaxed positive state in your purest inner integrity.
Eventually you will find that you experience on power will give a "richer, and stronger you" and the quality of the experience will be "more refined, purer and it will be more intense.” for you.

The Old Sailor,

At the bottom of our existence

Dear Bloggers,

It takes a while before you realize how formative the landscape may be where you are born and raised.
You see this perhaps the best in nostalgia, with people who languish because they - for whatever reason - have left their homes.
It is sometimes astonishing to see where they desire to return.

I have a really beautiful place to live but I do not feel at home here.
We have not done badly and now live in a semi-attached house in Lippenhuizen.
I look out on the forward at a few houses and a field with a pond, a playground is located just 2 streets away, a primary school and a village shop within walking distance - some people would kill for that kind of environment.
Although this is not the thing for me, I think

But this man longs for his homeland and the emotion took me along and my mind was already there.
We see one and another in our mind, a tiny village on a lake.
This is where I grew up and where life still radiates purity.
Already dreaming I suddenly woke up and felt tired and displaced.
Could this be part of all my complaints and problems, because I have never really been happy here. I'm homesick for my homeland.

It does not apply to everyone equally: but the ground where we were born, represents us.
You have landpeople, city people, village people, waterrats, desert riders, mountain goats and so on.
I am a real waterat and now I live in the dry woodland. The area is beautiful, but in my view it is oppressive.

In the Dutch “Van Dale” dictionary, I find the word ground and here I do not find what I seek, then I look at the word bodem and here I find the definitions:
bodem de; m -s; -pje 1 (van tonnen, manden, kisten, glazen) vlak dat op de grond rust: iems verwachtingen de ~ inslaan ze vernietigen; iets tot op de ~ uitzoeken zeer grondig; een dubbele ~ een tweede, niet direct merkbare betekenis 2 schip: oorlogsbodem 3 bedding, vaste ondergrond: de ~ vd zee 4 aardkorst, aardoppervlakte 5 grondgebied: op Hollandse ~
Yes it is here and what can I do with them, I can try to dissect my homesickness in simple language and words.

The researcher became awake again.
And my language is again somehow more inventive.
Because of expectations you have can be running ground.
You can dig something out to the bottom.
And we can lose ground in our excistence, you can go to the bottom of your forces, and many of us keep things in the bottom of our hearts.

To explain the last phrase of Dale writes:? In the deepest of our hearts where the deepest, most secret desires are and hidden affections.
There it is... In the depths of our soul, our personal land there sits the homesickness, now I'm convinced.

Nostalgia for landscapes, nostalgia for a certain time - usually to what it once was.
If it was not sounding so poetic; Dramatically sounded, I would say: This is the soil for the landscapes of our soul.

And the neatest is that landscapes look different for everyone.


The Old Sailor,

Clearing the attic… gets your mind cleared as well?

Dear Bloggers,

“A clean attic is the sign of clear mind.”

When the attic is clean there’s room for new things, and it just feels better.

I asked myself the question am I happy with my situation now?

I find as I get older, I have to consciously question my own beliefs and attitudes, and not just mention how I do things.

Tai chi is not the only thing that gets me thinking this way, but it’s a big part of it.

As I advance in my skills I find my teacher and my master keep correcting me in small ways. They constantly have me looking at how I’m doing things.

The really interesting part of this is that I sometimes notice big differences when I change little things.

I start slowly but surely to move in the right direction.

As it is not only the body but also the mind that needs to relearn how to work in harmony again.
That the body needs to take it a bit slower does not specifically mean that the mind should.

It is like following a young and full energetic child.

My body is the parent that is so tired of doing too much in a day and my mind is that little child that loves to run all the time.

If you learn the child too hold your hand when you walk to school, it will walk next too you most of the time and you feel better as you have things under control.

This weekend we have been clearing out the attic of our house (tons of unprocessed paperwork and old studybooks) And oh my goodness it is hard to throw away these “old” memories.
I’ve found that a clean mental attic is also good for my tai chi practice.

Since this approach works so well with tai chi, I tend to use it in my life in general or at least as much as possible.
Sometimes life situations change, but we’ve become so habitual that we don’t think to change the way we do things in response.

As I will get busier with work it seems I have less time to work on this site, and that’s not a happy thought for me.

Also my spouce thinks I am spending too much time on it, I see it as a form of relaxation.

Only yesterday it dawned on me that all I have to do is make a couple of very small and simple changes to my schedule and I’ll have the time I need.

How’s your mental attic looking?

Have the conditions in your life changed recently?

If so, take a look around your attic and see if any changes are in order.

Life doesn’t always have to be difficult.

There’s a truth in the saying: “Life is Good” but we are not always willing to see it.

Eventhough we are not all perfect.

Have you ever questioned yourself what is perfect?

This picture has been made by the industry of perfume, clothing and film.

If they would get real and use real people for their adds, life would become even better.

“If you think there is good in everybody then you obviously haven't met everybody”

The Old Sailor