The question most people ask themselves: "What if?"

Dear Bloggers,

Life is sometimes pretty miserable at this moment my spouce is struggling with some difficult situations at work.I don’t want to become to detailed but we talk about serious and mean bullying. According to the physician and the psycho therapist we are dealing with a boss that has a dangerous level of narcism.This boss is putting systematically employees down that they either quit there job or joining the game by putting her on statue. If you get mentally wiped of your feet by such a nut case your brain needs a total reset and the therapist will teach you to have a mind and opinion of your own.

This can give some hard conflicts in your surroundings as you change from the soft side to the hard side as your mind is changing. This can be pretty tough for people that have known you for all those years as the easy party. They feel like being stabbed in the back as they do not recognize there own behaviour. So just sit back and relax. The problem is that people near you have the biggest struggle to adapt to this new you. Time to let them deal with the questions:”Who is in charge in your life?” or “Is the inner child winning by crying and pounding with his feet or is the adult side in charge dealing with the situation by starting a normal conversation?” Tricky but not impossible I would say

Several years ago my life was upside down when I  fell down the stairs in our own home my brain has been scattered and I still suffer from gaps in my memory and my character has changed in a negative way according to my wife and some good friends that have known me for many years. Somehow there is a lot of work to do to get the old me back as my wife fell in love with a guy that was a real gentleman. Will I ever be able to get this old me back and restore all these good sides of me? Is it possible to get these memories back from the good old days?

What if you forgot who you used to be? And what if you didn't realize you had?

Imagine have uprooted your life to pursue your dreams. You shed all of your past hangups about making it big in your career, decided money wasn't worth pursuing anymore, and decided to dedicate yourself to a noble cause. And what if after you got there, while you were still basically in shock from the major change, still getting used to your new life, you suddenly lost all memories of your past, all memory of who you used to be. You don't notice at first, because you can recall all the major facts - where you used to live, schools you went to, people you knew, good times you had, even some bad times.

What then? Can you imagine not knowing who you used to be? In a way you would be like a child - devoid of any memories of life. Worse, your condition was such that you "remembered" emotions, but had no tangible basis for the memories so they didn't seem like real memories, just a blur of emotions which you cannot connect to events, or even times in your life. Walking past a store, you smell something that suddenly makes you afraid, not realizing that the memory of your first fight and the beating was accompanied by the smell of tobacco. Other times, a new acquaintance is treated badly by you because, unbeknownst to you, that person looks a lot like the kid who beat you up in school. But above all would be the overwhelming frequency of these kinds of things, and the complete lack of understanding of your own emotions.

If you haven't guessed I'm talking about myself by now, welcome to my blog...

I had no idea how effective the memory therapy that I conceived for myself could be. I started by watching movies from my past. I bought an entire 500-title laserdisc collection partially for purpose. I also started listening to music from my past, but somehow it didn't click how much more effective it was. That, or perhaps I understood how overwhelming it was to get those memories back and put it off.

But two weeks ago, I had a visitor leaving me a copy of his music collection which encompassed an expansive collection of music from the 80s. I began listening to the music, dozens and dozens of songs I hadn't heard in soemtimes 15 or 20 years. And each song, despite memory loss, and despite not having heard them for that long, was so well remembered that I could sing along in tune, to the correct words (at least, as I understood them...)

And with each song comes memories often associated with it. And each song will have several memories attached to it, some stronger, some weaker, some never to be retrieved. Some memories are good, some are memories I would have rather have kept forgotten. But all memories are important, and each completes the history of who I used to be, of what I used to be like.

And until the past couple of days, I hadn't realized how important it was to know what I used to be like. I remember now what the basis was for decisions I made throughout my life - my past motivations, and the history of my decision making, my perspectives, my point of view how things in life should be and connecting these thoughts even as I type this. The story of who I am, by way of who I used to be, is being nearly restored, digitally, in Dolby stereo...

Is there a bright side? Can there be a bright side to forgetting who you used to be? Yes. If you lose all of your preconceptions, you are free to create new ones. And by sheer coincidence, on the eve of what I now know (as of this morning actually...forgot...better make a note) to be at the beginning of the end of the society, I turned off the television and later the radio. Thus, my new development, the creation of the new me, was in the absence of the influence of corporations and the capitalist system which I now understand runs our lives (well, your lives anyway.)

I became a new person, my development influenced by my old body being disabled, my new found perspectives, and from a fare more independent, influence-free perspective. Unfortunately, I was also plagued by the ghosts of my past, the lack of memory of who I used to be, especially given that I no longer had any contact with anyone from my past. This caused problems with socializing, and other symptoms of the injuries that my memory and brain had after the accident. Something I got along the way and it created a situation that made it nearly impossible for me to get medical help or even recognition that I have the problems I do. Life became hell.

I owe my survival to my intellectual gifts, and my drive to always be the best person I could be. It's easy to be open minded, to embrace new ways of thinking, when you have hardly any memory of your past, when you in fact have lost all of your old ways of thinking.

Is my ordeal a tragedy? Absolutely not. Tragedies don't have happy endings. Did I suffer unecessarily? Hell yes I did, but only relative to my personal goals going in. Have others suffered what I have? Have others experienced the injuries I have? Do others have the gifts I have? Have others fought as I have? Have others made the kinds of changes to their lives and perspectives as I have? Yes, absolutely. But I experienced all the right things in all the right ways at all the right times. Yes I have plenty of these kind of questions.

I feel as though much of the burden has been lifted off my shoulders. I'm still dealing with a lot of crap, oh boy am I ever. Events and circumstances in my life haven't changed. My awareness of them and ability to deal with them has. Now that I understand my past, I can better understand how I interact with people, and how to better succeed in my interactions. I have finally succeed in getting medical help for my diagnoses and needed accommodations; which I can attribute, at least in part, to my new interpersonal skills. Those who have been actively fucking with me would be well-advised to stop now while you can. I no longer have fear. I'm not going to run away, I'm going to turn and fight. And those on the border, who merely stayed away because it was the popular thing to do, realize your error of listening to the wrong crowd.

Things are still in the process of gathering up the old me and my old thoughts. I still have a few gaps in the thread of my life's paths to fill, but the bigger threads are there and the gaps are being filled even without conscious effort on my part. There is also the ever-important fact that I still have other problems, both healthwise, as well as from brain “damage.” I still have difficulty making and recalling short and long-term memories. The therapy I underwent on my own was merely to retrieve my past. It doesn't help me relearn how to think or how to make decisions. The ONLY thing it has provided is understanding of who I am by way of how I got here.

And now that I finally understand (mostly) who I am, others can have the opportunity as well.

The Old Sailor,

Time to decide

Dear Bloggers,

Question I asked my jobcoach (someone from the dole office that should help you finding new opportunities, they haven’t been much help yet. As everything that I did or found they could not help me with.) I am at a career crossroads with two viable but very different options to consider. One is a job on a cruiseliner as a bartender and the other one might be a reasonable chance on a contract with the bus company. So I asked her “What suggestions do you have about sorting through them and making a decision?”

Answer from my jobcoach: This comes down to knowing yourself and thinking carefully about the likely short- and long-term results of each choice.

That is a correct answer but can I do something with this answer or is it again actually what they say: “Sorry we don’t know but you have to sort it out on your own.” To give you an impression about how the phone conversation went with this young lady who did a study in communication for years. We talked for half an hour about actually nothing. I was left with more questions than answers.

The conversation part about the inner game

Before thinking about the options, think about yourself. Consider what you like best about your professional life, how you'd like your days to be occupied, the amount of structure you prefer, the amount of interaction as part of a team — all of the concrete and intangible aspects that go into professional satisfaction.

Think, too, about how you'd prefer work to fit as a part of life as a whole. You may want to put a lot of attention on career or business building, or you may be looking for more flexibility and balance. There is no right or wrong here; however, understanding your preferences will help you evaluate your choices.

Remember to assess your financial requirements so that you are clear about your needs in terms of compensation and benefits.

Once you've immersed yourself in thinking about how you'd like to live your life, consider each option in turn. Try closing your eyes and imagining yourself in the new role. Walk yourself through a day or a week, and don't just take the happy path. Also imagine the hard days and notice how you feel about the challenges you'd face. Also think about how each fits with your professional and personal preferences.

The part about the outer game

I assume from your description of the options as "viable" that you have looked at the pragmatic aspects. If not, be sure that you're doing so, creating a financial plan or investigating the compensation and benefits so that you don't come up short.

Get some sounding board help, talking to friends, family and advisers you can trust to give you feedback. Keep in mind that their own biases and preferences may show up, and also remember that it's your decision and that you must make it for yourself. That being said, input from others will be a valuable resource in clarifying your next steps.

There may be questions that have arisen from your reflections on the positions. If so, gather more information from others. For example potential employers who are part of your potential next steps.

The inner game revisited

To get to your goal of a confident decision, return to a reflective mode. Incorporate all the information from the above phases, and notice which option is more attractive. Try closing the door on each and see how that feels. Which alternative is more energizing? Where do you feel more loss from leaving the option behind?

You may feel some anxiety about making a decision. This can go with the territory, but take an honest look to see if it reflects a genuine concern that needs to be addressed. Otherwise, you may just have to accept that jitters are part of moving forward, and that once you've decided, you don't need to second-guess your choice.

Summary of the conversation

Reflect, consult and reflect again to arrive at a well-grounded decision.

My jobcoach is a credentialed coach with more than 12 years of experience. How can you tell people these kind of things if actually never ever had a real job in the real world. How can the government be so blind to waste so much money on these idiots. Just put up a sign with the text “Sort things out yourself.”

Hmmm.....has anyone a better suggestion? I am really in doubt and I need to get my act together as I will need to make a decission soon. Why is life so complicated if it comes to deciding?

The Old Sailor,

The dream of my youth

Dear Bloggers,

I do probably dream a lot but most of the mornings that i wake up, I do not remember a single thing. Only sometimes I can recall the story of my dreams and they have the strangest subjects. This is one of these dreams that I had for a couple of days now and i wander why do I have this dream? Is it that I want to know what happened to people from my past or is there somewhere deep inside something left that should be questioned? I thought that I had finished this story many years ago when we broke up and went our own ways again. It is strange how the mind pops up these stories and my question is why does this occur so many years later? Am I still looking for answers from my youth or is there something hidden deeper. Is this the life that I imagined many years ago or what?

As we both have a job and work in different day shifts. We normally forget a few things when we do our shopping. As I am on my way already this morning my wife called me on my cellphone if I could drop by the supermarket and by some groceries for the evening meal and some bread rolls for lunch. And after the call I drive towards the supermarket to get the goodies. I rush (literally) with my little red car into the carpark at the supermarket. It is terribly busy and so I just curse when I must drive a second round to secure a spot. I throw my car around the corner, search along the more distant parking lots and see an empty spot in the corner near the supermarket as I see someone drive off, so thats good.

As I was heading off to that spot on my eye suddenly falls on the woman at the edge of the sidewalk waiting with her little daughter. A typicall Dutch female figure, a head full of curly brown hair, deep brown eyes, pale skin with a red blush ......... involuntarily squeezes of my stomach. "Oh my god, it’s Esther ..." I mutter softly to myself.

I park my car and I thank God on my knees this morning that I have decided for once to dress myself neatly on a Saturday In a long black shirt, dark black trousers and neat shoes to match as I walk towards the carts. I see her coming around the corner at the same time but I just rethink how small the chances are, that she would remember me and I climb over the fence for the carts so I can avoid her ..

How long wiould it be now, pfff think almost 28 years or so. Suddenly I see myself again in mind: Just 16 years old, I walk into the harbour area and its end of the season time for the fancy fair, the new backpack that my parents gave me is hanging around my shoulders. And there are my friends hanging out by the bumper cars together with some nice looking young ladies. I introduce myself to the girls and somehow this Esther girl is catching my eyes. I look at her and for the first time in my life I feel butterflies, wow ..." Hi Esther ......I am out of words for the first time in my entire life ... "Much more is gone from me, I am now vibrating and fire red. I drink my beer and head for the bar to get us some new beverages.......dry throats are dreadfull.

I have meanwhile grabbed my cart and turned around. There's really a look of recognition in Esther's eyes to see, so I greet friendly and walk by. My goodnes I am shy again, nothing changed.

Of the way to the eshentrance I think back on that period ....Of course it was obvious that I am in love with Esther I yoyally fall for her and there was a click between us. We could get along well together and the fair was always a good start fo a new relation because it had to happen. And that did it, we grew more and more towards each other and the end of this evening was my dream. We walked together through an open field and I pointed to the stars, "do you see that group of stars Esther? In the form of a saucepan? That's the big bear ... "She is leaning against me to point to the stars and I feel my body shiver as in a panic attack. I turned to her and looked her straight in her eyes. "Esther ..." my voice was hoarse, 'This really can not .. you're going to be my first real girlfriend ... after......"When my gaze fell I said softly," I am so scared to do this and then she said it was not a problem,,,,we are taking it easy ... that you are in doubt with me .. "" Yeah but it really can not ... and I really need more time to....."And so she took my heart and kissed me as never before. Our relationship was passionate and roughly edged. I really had some serious butterfly problems. We lost the love for each other after 6 months, the fire had died out slowly and we broke up with no hard feelings and that was that ... But forget her? No, never.....ever ..she had started me up again.

As I throw my stuff in the cart, I see that Esther, of course, took the same route as me. When I walk through the isles. Her cart is at a certain moment in my way and so she says softly as she looks at me, 'Sorry' and pulls the cart away.

I feel really confident and ridiculous at the same look at her and smiled, "Do not worry" 'Once at the vegetables I am no longer able to sustain and I am all blushing (bizar!!) She speaks to me," Hi Sailor, how are you? "Well the wild hairs are still there but I turn to graying," HEJ Esther, yes everything alright with you? "While I ask my question, I look at her as well: Yes she is also older now but still good looking and somehow she looks nervous. "Yes it is not to bad with me, my daughter and I have a small home for almost a year now," Again, I look at her smiling, "The little girl is approx 6 years or so," Now she smiles at me, "Yes the drum still beats "We look at each other, each too long, and the little girl calls us to order;" Mummy why are you doing so weird to that man ... " I totally shot into laughter, that wonderful honesty of children.

"Hey Esther I am sorry but I must go, my wife is sitting at home together with the kids and they are waiting for their lunch. It was nice to see you again and maybe we'll meet again here. At that moment "she gazes and says, 'Yes, I must go too. "We give each other a hug or something similair but then I turn around and walk away. First loves ... something that makes that these people are always special to you and so I walked around yesterday with a big, big smile. As I have never have forgotten her, and she never forgot me, for both of us it's a nice reminder of our youth. Yes it was great at that time but she left me then with a totally shattered heart and I still did not find all the pieces back yet.....

The Old Sailor,

a live at sea again?

Dear Bloggers,

I am just looking around for a job again and on my job hunt my mind is drifting off to a job on a cruiseship, something that I did before. The big difference with the time then is that there were no kids involved. That would make the story a bit different. This is what my mind came up with a mix of memories and dreams.

After my flight to the Bahamas and a night at a hotel my day started like this. Got up this morning early, ate a quick breakfast and got a Senseo, made sure everything was in my duffels, checked my email one last time, and got in a cab with the details of the ship. I felt very excited and ready to get going as we drove through the morning island traffic to the port. Upon arrival I got in a line and was given a nametag and paperwork to start filling out. I started to feel a little nervous and anxious as I was overwhelmed with the feeling that there was a lot to do. It hit me that this was actually happening and I could see all the others hugging their parents as their parents cried, and then they would step through a door with officials.

I got to that point already two days ago and said my goodbyes with my wife and she was crying and hugging me so tight I thought she might never let go and then I stepped through the gate towards the guys from customs with my bags and into a line of security, waving goodbyes behind me to my loved ones.

And nowI waited my turn and chatted with a guy from Canada as we shuffled our bags slowly forward in a strange wharf warehouse that had all sorts of giant colorful Chinese decorations being stored in the corners, maybe for Chinese New Year. Finally it was my turn. My bags were scanned, my backpack searched, I walked through the metal detector and was wanded and searched. They loaded my bags on a truck with the rest and I was instructed to continue through a cement hallway. I entered a room where I was to hand over my passport, yellow fever vaccine information and my Bahamas immigration form. Well crap, I just had the Bahama immigration card. I panicked for a second as I realized where it was: back at the hotel. I explained what happened and they said it was not necessary, so I took a breath and moved on.

I walked out of the dim room and out into the hot sunny day on the dock. There it was…!! What a great looking ship! The logo printed huge up on the smoke stacks, blue and white with all the little windows lined up on the outside; my home for the next 185 days…WOW!

I walked all the way down the dock to the gangway (ship entrance) I entered the dim lit gangway struggling to see after squinting in the bright Bahamian sun. I walked through a metal detector again and was instructed to go up the stairs. There are several decks (levels) on the ship and I had entered on level three. As I started up the grand looking stairs I took notice to the wood walls, nice carpet, perfectly shined metal handrails and glass engraved with quotes hanging on the walls. I felt like I was about to enter a fancy ballroom in a five star hotel or something.

 

I passed deck after deck of beautiful looking hallways and rooms to check out later until I reached deck six. I suppose I had a confused look on my face, because a guy introduced himself and pointed to a table I was supposed to go to. I was in a very large room with many nice cushioned swivel chairs all lined in rows in a half circle around a dance floor with a piano. The ceiling had fancy woodwork as well and the drapes looked like something from a mansion. It looked like a performance room. It was currently being used to check in everyone who boarded the ship. I was given my Ships ID at one table, a sheet with all of my personal info and what I still needed to do on another, and then came up on a table that gave me a sheet of what semester at sea trips I was already signed up for. I felt anxious again as I had no idea this was going to happen and was not sure if I wanted more trips. So, panicked and a little worried I signed up for an Amazon explorer trip and an African drumming and dance workshop. I then helped my new Canadian friend look over trips.

Proceeding around the room I talked to the ship doctor about any medical conditions and then was told my room number and that I was free to go. I think I must have looked like a deer in headlights because I just stood there for a minute not knowing what to do or where I should go first, so much to take in! OK room first, maybe my roommate would be there. So I headed back to the stairs and headed down to the third deck. I was so lost. I walked the hallway again and then felt like an idiot, haha this is only half of the ship and there are no even numbers in this hallway, I’m on the other side. So I went to the correct never ending hallway of wooden walls and doors and found my new bedroom door.

My name was posted next to it. Above mine was my roommate’s: Andrew Thompson, Texas. My heart sank. Great, I have a high maintenance Texan for a roommate. I immediately stopped myself, “Jake don’t stereotype, he is probably very nice and you will become good friends and it will work out great!” So with that I opened the door with my new ID, which did not look like me and confused everyone because I still had long hair in the ID picture, and dragged my duffels that had been conveniently placed in front of my door into my new cabin.

Empty; he wasn’t on the ship yet. My cabin was very nice, placed in the direct center of the ship where there is the least rocking. There are two small twin beds on either side. We each have a small three-drawer bedside table and share a little glass table and chair, a built in vanity/desk and chair, a built into the wall mini TV and fridge with three drawers underneath. The closet is maybe four feet long with shoe racks at the bottom and a side shelving area with six shelves. I thought it was incredibly nice looking and spacious given the small area and my expectations. Opposite the closet is a tiny bathroom, just big enough for a small toilet, sink and a shower. Well I wasn’t expecting that at all, so YAY for personal bathrooms! I like it! The window is bigger then I expected too! I was too excited to learn more about this fancy ship, so I left unpacking to be done later and went exploring.

I decided I wanted to wander on every deck from front to back of the ship and see where everything was. Deck two through four I discovered are only rooms, besides the restricted areas. Just long forever-going narrow hallways of doors with name tags and fancy wood doors. On deck five I started at the front of the ship and walked towards the back discovering that there were still some rooms with bigger hallways and bigger doors that were spread further apart, probably nicer bigger rooms for some guys and girls with a higher rank. Also on this floor was a circular open area, where there are bulletin boards of information and several desks and the main info/pursers desk. Some of the bulletin boards have pictures of everyone on the ship with their name. (something we called the muppet show on the ferries.) In the center was a big open circle where you could look up to the next level. Continuing there were more rooms and the hallway eventually turned a corner and opened up into the entrance to the main dining hall. The dining hall was very nice.

 

It looked like a ballroom fancy dinner restaurant with mirrors on the ceilings encircling big glass chandelier. Windows around the entire room with a view of the ocean made for the perfect dinning experience around the big oval tables with soft blue chairs. Near the entrance was an island table that looked like a bar. Just outside the dining hall were also doors to outside decks, which I explored and found lifeboats and beautiful views off the ships side of the city of Nassau.

Continuing up to deck six I was at the back and I discovered a place called the garden lounge. Not quite as nice of a dining area, more like a cute diner also lined with windows. The coolest part about this room was the colorful columns of bubbles going up the walls on either side of the buffet line. The room also led out to the first real nice outside deck I had seen. There were tables and chairs all sitting on the large deck that overlooked the ocean. Half covered by the deck above and half not it was the perfect place to dine outside. I am so excited to work out here and watch sunsets! This also had a nice granite topped bar.
Going back inside I noticed two conferencerooms on the side of the garden lounge. I continued out and walked down a hallway past the stairs and into an amazing place called the piano bar. This ship was way too nice to have been built for only a few passengers! No wonder this ships cruise were so expensive. Filled with tables, comfy chairs, couches, a piano and a nice sized snack bar with all the candies, coffee, chips and cup noodles you could ever want.

The messroom, wow. The perfect place to sit on your computer, read and do some work in the evenings, maybe even play some games with friends. Down the hallway a little further was the diningroom for us. The room was fairly small so I knew my breaks wouldn’t be all that big; hurray for small breaks and more coffee and tea moments it makes the days shorter in a way.

Then I stumbled across something I had heard was on the ship but wasn’t sure would be as nice as they were. There are three little shops all in a circle in the hallway. One is a merchandise store, one a tiny bookstore and the other a supply store of pens, notebooks, lanyards and small tubes of shampoo and sunscreen, basically tons of miniature things that people may run out of or have forgotten. I immediately promised myself not to spend too much money on anything in these stores because the prices of all extra food and merchandise is twice that of stores on land.

Back in the square, I was now on the top floor and could look down on the desks. Upstairs on either side of the circle was the ship library with a few rows of computers. I walked past another room with desks and looks like a card room. To get up to the final deck I had to go back to the garden lounge and up the stairs. Deck seven is apparently only accessible to our passengers on the back half of the ship, but what I found was really cool!! The outside deck was covered in sun lounge chairs and tables with chairs. In the direct middle was a small pool about 5 feet deep with the logo at the bottom. At the very back of the deck under the canvas canopy was an even bigger snack bar with a grill! They make smoothies, ice cream, cookies, pizza, hamburgers, grilled cheese and had all of the same delicious snacks the other bar did. Of course the snack bars all cost extra compared to our already paid for meals in the dining rooms, though I bet they will be a nice change to have now and then when the dining room food gets old.

To the side of all of this were weights and all of the common work out equipment. Continuing around the outside of the ship on this deck there were outside basketball courts and volleyball courts all netted in. There were places for all sorts of activities and exercise. Continuing inside I found something crazy!! There is a wellness center on this ship, which includes a salon to get your hair cut and your nails done, a spa to get massages, facials and waxes. And of course a workout room with treadmills, stair masters, bikes and ellipticals. I couldn’t believe this was here as this ship is not that big, but I guess it could come in handy. Lastly I learned that the health center was back on deck two and that deck one was off limits due to it containing storage and all of the ships workings. Deck eight (where the bridge is located) is also off limits, except for the one viewing deck where you can look out over the front of the ship.

Done exploring, I decided to go unpack so I didn’t have to think about it later. I went back to my room to find my new roommate sitting on the bed crying. We introduced ourselves and I asked her what was wrong. He was just in shock and was having a really hard time leaving the family behind. Turns out I can remember the feeling from many years ago. He is a very nice guy who does not fit the stereotype I had placed at all. We got to know each other for a short amount of time until he decided he wanted some air and left. While he was gone I unpacked. I realized that he had more full luggage then I did so I gave him a bit of extra space since I did not need it. I took half the closet, two shelves and one drawer so that he had plenty of room. I put my magnets and few photos up on the walls, along with my magnetic calendar, placed toiletries in a portion of the cabinet under the sink and determined what I would be using least and left it in my duffels which I flattened and rolled under the bed.

I jumped up as a loud voice boomed over the speakers that I had forgotten that they existed. “Good afternoon and welcome aboard. At this point all passengers have boarded. The ship was originally scheduled to depart within the hour, There will be an emergency lifeboat drill in ten minutes. Please look at the card on the back of your door to locate your muster station. Please wear warm clothing, close-toed shoes, a hat and your life vest from your cabin and convene at your muster station. This is a drill, but please take it seriously, wear the proper clothing and remain quiet at your station while attendance is taken. Thank you.” So I changed into the proper clothing and got the life vest out of my closet. When the signal was made everyone flooded out of their rooms like a herd of cattle down the hallways. Moving up the stairs was slow. Everyone flooded out onto the outside decks at their specified muster stations. It looked pretty strange and reminded me of the good old days on the ferry as the bright blue decks were covered with people organized in orange life vests. Once everyone was accounted for a hush went over the crowd as the captain of the ship walked all decks inspecting that everyone was properly prepared and everything set to go with other high status crewmembers following behind. All was clear and we were free to go.

Later in the evening we had a ship wide meeting to introduce and welcome everyone to the ship. I learned that this ship is 590ft long, is the fastest ship of its size in the world traveling a maximum of 28 knots or 32 miles an hour. The maximum capacity of the ship is 836 people but on this voyage there are 780. 570 of them are passengers, 70 are crew to sail the ship and 140 are staffmembers to serve the passengers, They also mentioned that the ship was very sustainable, but I have no idea how. But i will probably find this out during the journey. Now it is time to go to sleep on the light rocking waves. Maybe my dreams will become real one day.

The Old Sailor,

If behaviour becomes a problem

Dear Bloggers,

Due to the fact that I was busy working Idid not find the time last week to write a blog story, but in the mean time anyway carried on. And I had a progressive talk with my doctor and the schooldoctor about my youngest daughter. As my daughter has outbursts of agression that are destructive to other family members and she is not afraid to use things as a weapon. For example her five year older sister was having an argument with her and was beaten with a stick by her. When I asked her were this is coming from she talks about a voice in her head.

The strange part of it is that it can be triggered by the most ridicilous things that you would  say to her. I told her last week that an event was changed in date due to not enough participants. First of all she was confused about it and then she bursted out in total anger and ripped up a toy totally. You can read in her face that at this moment there is no chance to make any contact to her. This kind of behaviour is very odd to me.

Managing children’s behaviour can seem a Herculean task when they begin to realise how much fun getting into trouble can be as in many cases kids want to have the attention and they will definitely get it. However, parents will often yell themselves hoarse or tear their hair right out of their head, without it making one bit of difference. Rather than simply punishing children, which is often as hard on a parent as it is on a child and more often retributive rather than informative, the doctor told me to consider making a behaviour management plan.

Defining the Problem Behaviours

Before a behaviour management plan can be put into practice, problem behaviours must be identified. Problem behaviours are those that parents would like to see changed because they are inappropriate for the child’s age or stage of development. Problem behaviours can be small annoyances (thumb sucking), embarrassing (public temper tantrums) or even dangerous (hitting, kicking or biting others). Some children will also display a variety of behaviours at the same time, such as yelling, breaking things and kicking others during a temper tantrum. A good behaviour management plan will take into account all of the problem behaviours.

Observe the Problem Behaviours

In addition to knowing which behaviours are problematic, we as parents must also understand why and when these behaviours occur. Observing a child to see if there are any themes in where behaviours occur, if behaviours occur when certain people are or are not around, when behaviours occur and the consequences that these behaviours bring with them will help you to understand how in the best way to target and modify these behaviours in a behaviour management plan.

Set Goals

When behaviours are identified and “understood,” goals should be set for the behaviour management plan. Both short term and long term goals should be delineated so that the plan can be assessed both during and after its use. Short term goals can be daily, weekly or even monthly. Most long term goals should be no longer than one year, and should not seek to eradicate behaviours completely. For example, thumb sucking may die out within a year but it is also a comforting gesture that a child may turn to in a time of high stress after the year is out. This does not mean that the behaviour management plan has failed.

Decide on a Path

When goals have been set, the behaviour management plan must be fleshed out. Deciding how to manage or modify behaviours is key. Will it be through positive reinforcement, negative consequences or a combination of both? What will the positive reinforcements be? (together with my daughter we have decided that we mark on the calender her behaviour and a week of no trouble means a new book as she loves to read.) What methods of discipline will be used as negative consequences? (this means been send to the staircase and sit there for a while to think about what you have done, this method we have been using from the beginning.) How long will these decisions stand before they must be reviewed? These are all questions that should be considered when a behaviour management plan is being devised. Professional educators and child development experts will likely be able to help, if needed.

Get Started

When a behavioural management plan is complete, it does no one any good unless it is put into practice. Explain decisions to the child, so that she understands that from now on the target behaviour is unacceptable and there will be consequences if it does occur. If possible, start the plan on a Sunday or a Monday so that each week brings a clean slate. Be sure to celebrate major milestones throughout the plan (weekly and monthly “anniversaries”) and don’t be afraid to have a celebration for ultimate success. This week she finally succeeded and earned her first book. That means that we finally have booked some succes but at least there is hope.

The Old Sailor,

What about the 11 city tour on ice?

Dear Bloggers,

The title of this blog is one of the most appreciated, but rare slogans in the Netherlands. When it is used, usually by radio or television, it means that it has frozen in the Netherlands; not just a little for a short time, but really hard and for a long time. The slogan announces the Eleven City Tour, one of the most heroic skating events. The winner receives a medal of 8 grams of alloy and eternal fame.

route of the 11 city tour of 1997

Professional skaters and amateurs skate for 200 kilometres on natural  ice through the provence of  Fryslân and have to collect stamps on the road to their much-sought-after medal. The Eleven City Tour is a nostalgic event. The last one was held in the last century, in 1997; as a compensation a similar tour is being organised abroad in Finland or Austria.

Despite the global warming the Eleven City Tour is on again, but now in cross media. The social media already starts about this heroic tour and soon it will be subject on radio, television and internet. The launch of the tour itself needs more nights of  low temperatures for at least a week If you got curious now about this special event in the North of the Netherlands. The movie theatre reports and television broadcasts since 1929 have been brought online.

Post to get stamps

The project is a cultural heritage project of the Eleven City Tour association, the Skating museum, the skating sports association, , the institute of Image and Sound, produced by the national broadcast companies NPS and VPRO. The project intends to show what has been preserved, but it also aims at user generated content such as photographs and movies.

Memories from participants can be recorded in sound, image or text.

Only the ones that make will get a cross medal

Pinning a date for a coming tour is not that easy as we do not have any influence on the weather. But it just started freezing it will be on the earliest the second week of February I guess. To me it is almost tempting fate, as the Eleven City Tour needs harsh winter weather. The real thing is not like any other skating event it needs a hell lot of people to make sure no one gets hurt or whatever is needed many Frysians will volunteer to help out.

Happily enough, you can now stay inside (temperatures went down to minus 17 degrees celsius last night) with the cross media Eleven tour city and look at the most heroic tour won by Mr Reinier Paping on 18 January 1963. I was not even born yet but people talked about every winter again how harsh this tour has been. They also made a movie about it called the “de hel van ’63” translated as the hell of 63.Let us see if this marvelous event will come up this year as was not one for the last fifteen years. The kids will be off from school to watch it either live or in front of the television set as public transport will be disrupted due to the event. This year might be the chance and many colourful images will be broadcasted for the first time on media like twitter.

Getting the ice skates out again.

The Old Sailor,

How things in life can go wrong

Dear Bloggers,

As we all could see and hear on the news that a modern Cruise liner went of it’s normal position and sank close to the Italian island Giglio on Friday the 13th is a strange combination of human error and bad luck. Or are the supersticious people right about this special day, question is why did the captain go overboard or is he just another asshole that is only thinking about himself? It must be a drama if you were part of it as your life will never be the same again. Eventhough It is this year a quarter of a century ago that I had to take part in military support actions during the disaster with the roro ferry Herald of Free Enterprise. A picture that is never gone out of my memory.

Herald of Free Enterprise

My thoughts go out to the families and friends of the ones that passed away or have gone missing during this disaster. It will take many years to pick up your life and see the sun shining again. At least that is my experience as being only a helper on the side not doing anything else then my job at that time.

Costa Concordia in better days

Following the tragic Costa Concordia accident, Carnival Corporation & plc, parent company of Costa Cruises and nine leading cruise lines around the world, today announced a comprehensive audit and review of all safety and emergency response procedures across all of the company’s cruise lines.Carnival Corporation & plc and the cruise industry as a whole have maintained an excellent safety record over the years. “However, this tragedy has called into question our company’s safety and emergency response procedures and practices,” said Micky Arison, chairman and CEO of Carnival Corporation & plc. “While I have every confidence in the safety of our vessels and the professionalism of our crews, this review will evaluate all practices and procedures to make sure that this kind of accident doesn’t happen again.”

Initial timeline and track of the Costa Concordia grounding.

Friday 13 January 2012.

Times and positions approximate.

2116 = 9:16 pm local time.

1900. Costa Concordia departs Civitavecchia.

2116. Costa Concordia turns left toward Isola del Giglio in order to pass close to the island. This deviation will add a short distance to this overnight leg and require a slightly higher overall speed. This ship is doing 15.5 kts.

2133. Costa Concordia is on course 276 (almost due West) at 15.5 kts approaching Isola del Giglio. The island is about 2000 yards directly in front of Costa Concordia. The plan is to turn right, toward the north, and leave the island to the port side.

2136. Costa Concordia commences turn to the right late, maintaining speed of 15.5 kts. Due to advance and transfer, the momentum of the vessel will carry it closer to the island before the turn to the new course is completed. It looks like the new course was planned to be something like 320.

2138. Costa Concordia strikes charted rocks off Isola del Giglio on her port side. Power is lost to the electrical plant and propulsion. The ship starts to slow. The crew announces there is a power outage and reports to Isola del Giglio that they need no assistance. Many news report are quoting “9:30″ or 2130 as the time of the impact. That time isn’t supported by the AIS data below.

2145. First alarm is sounded.

2145-2150. Ship begins to list.

2200. Bow thruster is used to turn bow to the right. The ships is moving slowly toward Giglio, likely the result of current.

2242. Accident is reported to port authorities.

2250. Abandon ship order is given.

0100. Schettino reports only 40 people remain on board. In fact there are hundreds.

0146. Italian Coast Guard orders Schettino to return to Costa Concordia.

source of AIS data:

AIS data for Costa Concordia night of 13 January 2012. Times are GMT, one hour different than that on the ship.

At present it appears that Carnival Cruise Lines (and their subsidiary Costa Crociere) are treating this as a special cause event, the actions of a rogue sea master. Costa Crociere’’s statement already indicates this is the direction they are headed. What needs to be investigated are issues of command and leadership. To what degree are tenets such as “forceful backup” and “a questioning attitude” prevalent. Further, the system surrounding selection, training, and routine monitoring of masters needs to be scrutinized sufficienty in order to understand whether Mr. Schettino was indeed a rogue captain operating outside the system, or whether there were systemic contributors to this tragedy.

If the investigation focuses solely on the actions on board Costa Concordia the evening of Friday 13 January, then the probability of recurrence is 100%.

A stricken Costa Concordia.

The statement Micky Arison, CEO of Carnival Cruise Lines should issue.

It is with sadness and regret that I report the latest on the Costa Concordia tragedy. As of 0700 this morning xx bodies have been recovered and xx people remain unaccounted for. Our search efforts continue.

Our subsidiary and operator of the Costa Concordia, Costa Crociere issued a statement that identified significant human error on the part of the ship’s master as the likely immediate cause of this accident. While that appears thus far to be true, I don’t believe the statement goes far enough in describing my responsibility for safe cruising and the actions we are taking.

I have directed for following.

We have provided all cruise ship captains with all available information about the Costa Concordia accident and aftermath. As more information becomes available, I will pass that to them. Cruise ships at sea will continue their itineraries. All captains of cruise ships in port will recertify to me personally that they understand their responsibilities to operate within the procedures, ensure their crews are operating within procedures and the paramount importance of passenger safety, prior to getting underway.

I have directed full compliance with the investigating body and commissioned an independent company investigation that will report directly to the Board.

This investigation will proceed in 2 phases.

In the first phase, the immediate causes of the grounding, capsizing, and incomplete evacuation will be investigated. The intent is not only to understand why the ship was so far off course, and how it’s navigational safety equipment malfunctioned, but how the damage control efforts to control the flooding failed to prevent the ship from capsizing.

When complete, I will recommend a public release of our findings and actions.

In the second phase, which will likely take several months, the investigation will look into the distant causes of the accident. We will understand how ship design, manufacture, crew training, and leadership structures all affected this event.

It would be too easy to identify this accident as the rogue action of a single irresponsible master and I am not going to take that route. I have charged the investigators with understanding and identifying the role that fundamental questions of company culture toward safety, the willingness of subordinates to question the direction of superiors, and the ability of watchstanding teams to respond with resilience to unanticipated events.

In this investigation, no decision will be off limits no matter who made them or how removed they may seem from the immediate event.

Leadership lessons from the Costa Concordia tragedy.

In the evening of 13 January 2012 the modern cruise ship Costa Concordia with about 4300 souls aboard grounded and capsized off the Italian Isola del Giglio. The death toll is likekly to run into the 20s.

It now appears that the captain, Francesco Schettino directed the ship alter course to take it very close to the island as a sort of nautical fly-by as a tribute to one of ship’s company who was from that island. From the photos, it is apparent that the ship was passing very close to the shore. These waters have been plied since before the Romans and the chance that any rocks were uncharted is unthinkable.

Don’t we wish that one of the other crewmen spoke up against this reckless, dangerous, and ultimately lethal stunt? As captain of a nuclear powered submarine I strove to give a few orders as possible in order to maintain a detached perspective on the actions of the ship, balancing safety and operational tasking dispassionately. In a strong leader-follower culture, the leader gives orders and the others follow. Asking questions is discouraged. It would appear that this is another case of leader-follower in action.

A bigger question lies for the cruise ship company: Costa lines and the parent company Carnival Cruise lines.

How is such a leadership structure tolerated on board their cruise ships? This is a throwback to the 18th century “Master and Commander” style leadership: top-down, autocratic, imperious, and wrong.

Did someone challenge the Captain's ill-thought out orders?

I only can see this as a bad decission of one captain it is no needed to be scared to go on a cruise but it is something to think about. If you might go cruising just realize that you might need to rescue yourself one day and you are happy if you have read the safety instructions.

The Old Sailor,