That is my wish...

Dear Bloggers,

Sometimes there are moments in life where shivers run down your spine. This may be of emotion, love, fun moments on television because you're sick, happy or maybe sad or filled with grief. Outside these emotions or feelings, there are many other causes consisting of emotion and chills. When I look up to the sky, I see the beautiful white clouds floating and an airplane flies over with a leaving a beautiful white trail behind on its way towards the sun. Sitting at the computer at home I hear the music on the radio as an emotional tone makes my thoughts play.

Listening to Glennis Grace a great Dutch artist singing “Dat is mijn wens,” translated “That is my wish,”I remember most of the beautiful things in my life. The life which today includes also anxiety, panic, stress and aggression. My mind changed after I fell down the stairs some years ago and I never found the old me back. kicking people to death has become nearly normal in today's society, or shooting people for no reason as well.

It also became normal to insult others or abuse persons in a public job has become one of the most normal things in life. The word "respect" that everyone knows has become totally meaningless. You may try it but it seems to be an impossible task to correct people their behavior. People live in fear of "something might trigger them." And the only way to pay for it is my life. It is scandalous.

 

I think everyone who reads this, has a fun moment in his life and can bring forward something from his or her childhood. Moments from the highest classes of elementry school that you were at camp and you were dating and later saw that she was the cutest or ugliest girl or boy of the class. Children like my daughter Danique, who is dancing to music of K3, slip into the thought that they are playing outside going of the slide, and sleep under a blanket of Winnie the Pooh.

 

Often I wish applicable to the number Glennis Grace, that people could be that child again. Rather than the age, gaming or the leisure. But the variation of thoughts that children have, never have to worry and especially that they are having no real stress or feelings of anxiety or other "common evils". No they rather looking on the bright side of life.

Children are enjoying small things like a cup of tea, a glass of lemonade or a delicious candy. They can enjoy nature, that birds are singing, playing tag or hide and seek behind a thin tree where a parent is actually too thick for it. Nowadays the life about of care and concern. Take care of your immediate family, friends or other very important people in your life. Take care of your family, wife and / or child (ren). 

Of course sometimes it's just not easy, and of course "sometimes" something like that can take years. Life does not go hand in hand with everyday joy, love and romance. Sometimes years go by illness, accident or "it's not today" moment. Sometimes we have to say goodbye to people close to us or someone we should support in his mind as the sun doesn’t shine, but you rather see clouds, and that there are a lot of them that go past you.

Support people, help people or give people the help that they need. As relatives, friends or family grab each other's hand and go happily through this life. When we see children on the news or in the newspapers that carry a gun or tell them while playing tag their brother could be lost because he stepped on a mine, then I'm happy with my wife and daughters, so I doubly enjoy those little things that makes life in the Netherlands not that bad. 

Because what can beat the thought of walking arm in arm on the beach, under a sun that slowly goes down in the North Sea. My daughters running in front of us finding one after the other shell, that looks like a win for their collection! one family, one thought, one feeling to make a desirable family complete. That is my wish...........

The Old Sailor,

The Crash...

Dear Bloggers,

In the last few years, one of my close friends has dealt with the untimely loss of a spouse. I'd like to share this story and what we all have learned about dealing with grief and moving forward at the appropriate time.

My friend was the one who died suddenly of a massive car crash at age 32, leaving a wife and 2 children from 14 and 8. He could not go with them as he needed to finish things at work and he would come later that evening. While he had been feeling poorly that morning he had no easy answers on this feeling, he urged his wife and children to go on a family holiday out of town because they should not loose any of this precious time. Crazy how life can turn around so sudden. When his wife and family returned quickly when they learned of his death and dealt with the funeral, the estate and all the implications of losing their husband and father. 

It would have been very different circumstances if he would have been seriously ill with a sickness, for example cancer then there is most of the time some time left to say goodbye. even though the loss of any wife and mother or husband and father is tragic. The death of a father and husband which was sudden, unexpected and laden with guilt for his dying alone. 

Whatever the circumstances, dealing with the death of a spouse has to be one of the most difficult and traumatic experiences of life. Based on the experiences of others and lots of research, here are some ideas and perspectives that might help.
Try to understand the stages of grief.

• Denial: "This can’t be happening to me."
• Anger: "Why is this happening? Who is to blame?"
• Bargaining: "Make this not happen, and in return I will ____."
• Depression: "I’m too sad to do anything."
• Acceptance: "I’m at peace with what is going to happen/has happened."

Everyone who loses someone close to them moves through these stages, usually in this order. As a husband or wife who loses a spouse to death confronts the profound feelings of loss, it can help to recognize in which stage you are operating and to know that there can be personal peace at the end of the grieving process.
Recognize that time tends to heal wounds. When we are in the midst of feelings of loss or grief, it can truly seem like the feelings will last forever. But time's passage has a way of healing these feelings. Keeping a sense of hope through the feelings of grief can help a mother or father who has lost his or her spouse make it through each day. 

Lean on your support system. Fortunately for my friends, there were exceptional support systems. They both had large families on both sides on whom they could lean. They had friends also from work who were helpful through the transition.  Big plus they had was the community of faith on whom they leaned emotionally and physically. The ones who find themselves alone after the death of a spouse need to allow others who are close to them into their inner circle of feelings. People who care about you want to help, and you are in a time when you need it perhaps the most. 

Express your feelings. Don't bottle up emotions of grief and sorrow. Sometimes societal expectations make men particularly want to be strong and stoic. Especially if you have children that are grieving with you, you may feel a need to be their "rock." But you will need some time to express your feelings, insecurities and loneliness. Talk to friends, seek counseling, write, cry  whatever the outlet will be, let the feelings be expressed. Repressing them only brings greater challenges later. 

Take care of yourself physically. It will be important for you to eat well, get enough sleep, and exercise. Avoid self-defeating behaviors like turning to alcohol and drugs to numb the pain. Just taking walks with a close friend or family member can make a world of difference in your mood. 

Take your time. Grieving works differently for different people. I cannot write a basic transcript for everyone as everyone experiences these emotions in his or her own way. Do not let others make you feel rushed to get on with your life or move ahead. Move at your pace. Don't make any major decisions that will have life-changing implications through the grief process. 

Today my friends are doing well and their life is moving forward. My friends wife is now back in the work force and busy raising her children. Not yet remarried and not really worried about it, she is again building a new life with new opportunities. All of them have worked through this important life transition, taking different approaches but main part is that it’s working. They gave me the permission on writing about their situation as others might learn something from it. I made the choice of not mentioning any names. I think that nobody gains anything here.

The most important thing for any grieving father or mother to remember is that through the grieving process, there is hope and that with time and effort, life can again be full of happiness and possibilities. All the roads you will take might look new, but most of them have been tried by someone. 

The Old Sailor,

Life is a bitch and I.......

Dear Bloggers,

Have you ever wanted to shout, scream, yell till the world knows about the pain you are going through? 

My wife has changed a lot in the last year and yes we all have to get used to the fact that she is standing up for her rights at this moment she is finding her new boundaries and not everyone is pleased with her or her attitude. We end up in fights and most of them are about nothing at all. Last night we had another one when we were cleaning in the kitchen and was explaining me that I was doing it wrong. I was tired and easily fired up as I felt that she needed to kick me down. I totally lost it and I shouted and yelled at her. There wasn’t any effect.

I nearly cried but my heart still felt pain. I was hurt. My emotions needed an outlet. An outlet to express sadness and hurt. Especially when this feeling of hurt was a result of one’s own family members bad temper, the mind just froze and the heart experienced a complete maddening sense of sorrow. What happened to us am I not the man that she loved anymore. Am I just treated like any other pet that lives here? I poured a cold water shower on my head. It helped me calm my nerves and move on with the rest of the evening. 

Tears still continued to flow when I was lying in bed but maybe after yesterday I actually realized that no, this is not the time for self pity. Living in 2013 and crying about and for people who treat you like dirt?? 

I guess I need to just walk away from them. There isn’t any point living for them. A dog’s tail can never be straightened. Never!! But this doesn’t mean I am gonna allow people make my life miserable. I have always been there to support them in their needs and all I get in return is anger and hateful words.
No, this should come to an end as my life is much more important and blessed to surround myself by such people. I was preparing tea in the morning and thinking “it’s gonna be her birthday in April, why not plan a big birthday bash.” I am sipping tea and thinking about party ideas. Hmmm.....let us see how many friends we have left after all those years.

One hour later I hand over the land-line phone to her and suddenly I am faced with angry glares. I shouldn’t have handed her the phone. I am not supposed to think for her. How on earth am I supposed to know which one needs to be rejected and which one she is gonna invite. She didn’t tell me anything before and how should I know this? 

I always thought I’ll try and be the best husband as I can be. But I guess no amount of efforts I’ll never reach that stage… For her an ideal husband means “No interference with me and just listen to me.” but yes, when I am in need of help you should be there, No excuses!! 
I don’t think that I am the right person for her anymore as there is hardly anything left of what we had. We loved to do things together and had a lot of fun doing all kinds of jobs around the  house. Just to make it our own project. 

The relation is suffering of it as well. That’s what is hurting me the most but by the time I poured ice cold water on myself and got ready for bed the feeling of hurt slowly evaporated and blogging about it made me feel less disappointed. 

I didn’t do anything wrong. Being yelled at for not being handy enough cleaning the kitchen pisses me off and without knowing anything about her bloody mood swings as we are not doing enough around the house. If every move that you make is criticized you start moving less and less. It sounds crazy but it absolutely isn’t my fault. 

The Old Sailor,

Earth Hour is done for this year

Dear Bloggers,


I am not an environment guru but I think that we can make a difference by switching off the lights, at least to get the idea that we are using a lot of energy.

we are trying to reduce our carbon footprint and live a more sustainable life and it can often feel like an uphill battle with no end in site. For every bottle and can that's recycled, there are ten more thrown in the landfill, and it can be quite frustrating to make the effort without seeing much change.

If you've ever wished you could make a statement about climate change that would make the world sit up and take notice, all you've got to do is turn off the lights.

On Saturday, March 27th at 8.30pm (local time) Earth Hour 2010 will begin, and homes and businesses around the world will extinguish their lights for one hour to create awareness about climate change and demonstrate the powerful affect of a single decision.

Critics of Earth Hour have pointed out that even with millions of people participating, the energy and emissions saved during these 60 minutes isn't going to save the world. In fact, some have gone so far as to accuse the environmental movement of wanting to "throw humanity back into the dark ages," and have proposed their own Human Achievement Hour, encouraging people to turn on every possible light and appliance on during this time.

So if you're asking yourself "what's the point?" here are three reasons to consider spending an hour in the dark.

1. Just because an act is symbolic doesn't mean it's pointless

Again and again people have said that the only way to truly knock out greenhouse gasses and slow climate change is to create an international regime that puts a cap and a price on climate pollution. This possibility, sadly, is in the hands of the world's politicians and diplomats who have been reluctant to take a stand. So, if turning off the lights for an hour starts to show the world that we're serious about fixing this problem.

2. Tons of carbon dioxide emissions will be eliminated

No, even millions of people turning off their lights for just one hour won't bring global warming to a screeching halt, but it will prevent hundreds of tons of carbon emissions from entering the atmosphere. Hopefully, this significant act will make people think more seriously about the magnitude of the world's energy usage, and they'll find it easier to turn off the lights day after day, which will make a big difference.

3. Learn to appreciate (and conserve) what you have

Contrary to what some would say, the purpose of Earth Hour is not to convince people to give up electricity and stumble about in the dark and cold. Environmentalists don't hate technology, we just think it should be used to help reduce our negative impact on the planet instead of charging full steam ahead until there's nothing left. Turning off the lights, air conditioner, computer, and television for an hour is likely to make you much more appreciative of these luxuries than if you simply left them on for another night. Once again, this small sixty-minute observance is a chance to change your thinking about the energy that's available to you, and make a conscious effort not to spill it.

I hope that it will give some people some positive ideas about the world that we live in.
I will join again next year, to make also my kids aware of our planet and that we can really do something.

The Old Sailor,

Joy and enjoy

Dear Bloggers,

Yesterday was not the best day to stay positive, I was back on board to talk things over with my boss. As the job that I was doing is not getting easier the company has decided to give me notice.

You can probably imagine that my mind has been running in circles when I was back home as my little bubble fully bursted. Although I was negative for a couple of hours and did not sleep that good last night. I started of this morning with getting my kids to school and doing my Qi-gong session. After this I made some coffee, shot an e-mail to the Union to help me out. The world is still turning so time to write my story for this week.

You see life as a growth in your ability to enjoy life and to experience joy and happiness is most important in this life.

It is also nothing to laugh about, mental relaxation, quality perception, and are in harmony with existence, and on inner integrity, inner freedom, and experiencing the meaning of your existence.

Living in a positive quality of life implies a certain orientation, open to experience the joy of life and enjoy your life. Living to learn more to enjoy, because only a really intense and you can totally enjoy the meaning of your life experience. . . . . .

And, if there is no growth in your life you enjoy, it's because you always in the trap of fixed subtle negativity, or an obsessive state dissatisfaction, mental stress and negative life quality creates.

Preprogrammed is the collective awareness of the ego?

It is selfish paranoid with a survival mentality that underlies it.

It is also important to realize that you enjoy the intensity of nothing and that has to do with what you enjoy, but the quality of the person who is enjoying.

How uninhibited, free and more positive your life situation is, the purer and more intense, the quality of enjoying will be.

And that which you enjoy is only one reason. . . . . . . However, more negative, more egocentric, dissatisfied, angry, aggressive, etc. your life situation, the less your ability to enjoy.

Your ability to enjoy so you can also see it as a meter for your mental state. . . (!)

And not every day that you enjoyed your life in this beautiful wonderful world of mystery is actually a lost day of your precious life. . . . . . . It is time to have a great laugh and have fun in your life, because it can help to make you aware of mental relaxation.

Just fun "making" has a certain top, more fun than fun is not possible.

This, by the presence of those who enjoy "making" the ego.
We have such fun, because we are on a party, and it is someones birthday.

Cheerfulness is now expected of us, and who is not happy falls out of place.

So everybody "is doing its best" as much as possible to be happy or funny.
For real fun, no party is required.

Fun "making" is something entirely different than the spontaneous fun that you can live together in a genuine sense of shared humor and authentic joy.

This spontaneous pleasure only from a genuine mental state of relaxation.

For many people it is clear to experience, that laughter can give the same relaxation as the mental state of inner kindness, provided however, that laughter truly unconditional and total. You laugh in almost all situations, you may laugh inwardly.

For example, on streets, public transport etc.
Learn the art of laughing at nothing, laughing at the pure laughter, the joy of laughter.

Illogical, but very valuable and important for the development of a truly relaxing positive mental quality of life.

This laughter can find joy in life (like happiness) it needs no reason.
Therefore, it can be comfortable illogical.

For some, this might be a difficult barrier to take, because initially it just seems weird.

However, if you really realize that joy is your natural potential, and no reason is needed, you are taking off all the brakes.
You'll also be much easier in the state of mental relaxation, inner kind of effortless government. How fuller you're "smile power" how bigger your ability to enjoy even more in total.

From your ability to enjoy, you can discover and develop a process by choosing, to make fundamental changes and finally to live in a relaxed state of mind.

That is positive quality of life.

As noted above it is required, to discover and learn to let go of your obsessive state, of any real negativity, aggressiveness, survivalparanoya, making yourself important, arrogance,
discontent, obsessive behavior, greed, desire and mental stress.
Total and intense to really enjoy it is also important to allow yourself to be completely unbiased, without any prejudice or condition, and it should be unlimited.
Also important is to allow yourself to cry with intense experiences.

Crying is primordial and there is nothing obviously wrong with it, no matter whether you're male or female.

The "never-crying man" is just a primitive cultural lying macho ego-conditioning not to appear weak.

Learn to accept your crying in inner honesty and integrity, it is an intense experience of emotions what ever they are caused by.

Also allow yourself to laugh while you enjoy, it creates mental relaxation.

Especially since it seems a bit weird (small insignificant ego) you can have a lot of fun as you experience to enjoy, then you can "enjoy your enjoyment" so you enjoy even more and it is still unrestrained Exuberant joy has a certain excitement and tension, which then migrate to the energy quality of such a free and highly mentally relaxed enjoyment.

This lets you enjoy a relaxed mental inner joy without excitement, which can grow and trans-formation of indescribable love and ecstasy and far beyond it. . . . . . . All this does not mean that there can be no benefit in exuberant joy.

And, if there is your ultimate enjoyment, then there is nothing wrong with that, there is still something to discover an immense enrichment of your life.
Maximum benefit is something you can only happen when you least expect.

So do not want or expect anything, but only open in inner humility, unpretentious nature, be a non-government person, making yourself unimportant and get into a relaxed positive state in your purest inner integrity.
Eventually you will find that you experience on power will give a "richer, and stronger you" and the quality of the experience will be "more refined, purer and it will be more intense.” for you.

The Old Sailor,