What is wrong with us?

Dear Bloggers,

This one is for all you girls out there and I really wonder if you are aware of this or am I just too paranoia or do I have a clear view on this?  Some days I am really wondering what is happening to my kids as they learn to live the life with friends, television and Internet. And I can tell you mums and dads it is not all funny what they learn from there. Maybe my youth was a lot less complicated as we had only television during the evening hours and on Wednesday afternoon. The news that we followed was from a local newspaper.

My eight-year-old daughter came down the stairs the other day dressed as "a fairy". She had on a pink frilly tutu  kind of skirt, a pink vest that she'd rolled up like a crop top and a tiara. She also had a microphone borrowed from her older sister and a cell phone that played Justin Bieber songs.

She walked down the stairs, wiggling and waggling, and then she turned round, gave me a pout and stuck her bottom in the air. I was shocked. It seemed such a sexualised thing to do and I couldn't understand where my precious little thing had got this action from. I don't behave like that. Neither does anyone else I know.

K3 mighty populair with young girls in the Netherlands and Belgium

 

My friends suggested my daughter had got her moves from a TV show such as The X Factor. But we don't watch The X Factor. We don't really watch this kind of television at all. And my daughter only seems to like Cartoons and the girlie group K3 and, unless K3 has a friend who is a lap dancer, it's hardly come from there.

An impressive story about slavery

Yet this overt sexualisation of the female sex is inescapable. Officially we are all falling for the hottest woman in the world? Really? Is this what we want our young people to aim for? Is this what success should mean to them?" Just see what happened to a girl called Britney Spears and there are probably a lot more like her.

 Britney Spears

 

I am referring to Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton and who ever is pictured on the front of glossy magazines wearing very little and flaunting their impressive figure. Is this right? Will my daughter grow up to think that her worth will be decided on how sexy, or not, her body is? What is going on here? I try to tell them something else that is important and yes it is hard to be something dull or nerdy.

Women, of course, have always been feted for their looks. I remember watching films with Brigitte Bardot and yes like every healthy young bloke I was glancing at her boobs. I am sure there were loads of young women back then wondering if they could become famous because of their bouncing bristols. Page three girls, glamour models, pin-ups, these have been around since the year dot. The adulation of women for being overtly sexual, or suggesting the promise of sex, has long been with us and is not going away soon. Really it is just a hoax guys.

Brigitte Bardot

 

It's the role model part of women in my youth that has changed rapidly . When I was growing up, women were encouraged to have careers, to achieve, to break through the glass ceiling. As at these days it was normal that women were housewives. Now, fame is an ambition in itself. I hear this all the time, teenage girls who tell me they want to "be famous". When I ask them "famous for what?" they look at me blankly. They really just want to Be Famous and one way of doing that is to get lucky like Katy Perry. She has made a lot of money and has a lot of famous friends. What's not to like?

Disney Princesses

 

Now, there seem to be too many women who have lost all ambition. The something-for-nothing generation is with us, and though it involves boys too, it is the lack of drive among girls that worries me most. If you can't become famous or successful without effort, Or what I think is even worse if the mum did not make her dream come through. They will push their kids in that direction. So why not marry a rich man, drive 4x4s, live in a big house, have kids, and then make them your project? And they should become mummies dream child.

Wishfull thinking

I think that:"Every woman needs to be self-sufficient .... You hear these yummy mummies talk about being the best possible mother and they put all their effort into their children. I also want to be the best possible dad, but I know that my job as a dad includes bringing my children up so actually they can live without me." And my kids should think up their own dreams and built their own future.

For my generation (I am in my mid-forties), there was no sense of just wanting to be "famous". I wanted to be all sorts of things – a pilot on a commercial airline, an fireman, a circus performer, a silly car mechanic, a soldier, a truck driver, a painter or even a waiter.

My fictitious heroes were people like Johnny Weissmuller who played the role of Tarzan and Superman played by Christopher Reeve. Although the character of Tarzan or Superman does not directly engage in violence against women, feminist scholars have critiqued the presence of other sympathetic male characters that engage in this violence with Tarzan's approval. Reinforcing a notion of gendered hierarchy where patriarchy is portrayed as the natural pinnacle of society.

Christopher Reeve as Superman

The only film stars I was interested in were people like Charley Chaplin, Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy, even then, they seemed mystical, magical creatures who existed only on screen. I couldn't imagine them having a real life.

 Stan and Ollie

As I grew up, my role models changed. As I read more widely, I changed my interest for movies as well. I fell in love with the story of Jane Eyre and later on with Sandra Bullock when she played in While you were sleeping. The stories are odd but somehow realistic.
My mother steered me away from the Disneyised version of heroes, most of whom have been forced in to domestication in order to become lovable. Snow White spent her time cooking and cleaning for seven infantilised men. Cinderella swept the hearth. Beauty in Beauty and the Beast looked after her father then went to look after a Beast who she ended up kissing. All of these women were saved from impoverished drudgery by a prince.

So she introduced me to literature. I read the Anne Frank Story and I started reading the book of Alex Haley called Roots, I also read V.C. Andrews book flowers in the Attic and of course Sophie’s Choice. Furthermore i read some books about the great wars from all over the planet from second world war to the war in Vietnam. I became ambitious, seeing my worth as being about what I achieved rather than how I looked. I was encouraged to be an independent person as no government should hold me back.

I loved my English teacher, Mister Kuijt, who was almost solely responsible for my love of this language and a stiff drink, and my impossibly sophisticated Dutch teacher. He learned me a lot about the dialogue and how to use it instead of fighting physically.
I will encourage my daughter to choose her role models from as wide a range as possible. I shall ask her to look towards a different type of role model.

Sandra Bullock

And there are great role models among us all, women whose lives show real purpose and achievement regardless of what they look like or the money they have. The common feature? They have worked hard, for themselves, and for others.

Johnny Weissmuller as Tarzan

So come on, ladies. You're worth more than this. You should be ambitious and driven and you should by all means have realistic role models. But let them be those truly worthy of your respect, rather than someone whose sole claim to fame is an admittedly beautiful bottom. Even though it looks nice.

The Old Sailor,

Employment contracts: What are they good for?

Dear Bloggers,

The company I work for decided to place all the temps under one temps office instead of three also the ones on payroll are swapped. It is all about money of course So guess who will be ....... We’re on a simplification kick at this moment as our dear managers want to have a better overview. As they grow, they’re trying to simplify their jobs even more. (earn the same money with doing less.) Growth generally brings complexity, but let us see if we can go in the other direction with this bunch. There are more clowns at this circus as I thought.

Questioning assumptions

Simplification usually starts with questioning assumptions. Why do they do this? Why do we need this? Is this really necessary? Is it just inertia? Are they doing it because that’s how they’ve always done it or are they doing it because it’s better? Are they just following conventional wisdom or is there newer wisdom and we should be considering?

Why do we need employment contracts?

One of the things I am beginning to question are employment contracts. When a new employee starts with a temps office, they will make them sign a employment contract. The contract was drawn up by a bunch of bloodsucking lawyers and is corrected every so many years by them, so there are no incremental costs each time they bring on a new employee, but is that good enough reason to keep this going?

The contract itself is about five pages. It outlines some basic responsibilities they have to the employee and the employee has to the company. Starting salary, an overview of benefits, vacation time, confidentiality, and general expectations on both sides. But that’s really only a paragraph or two. Everything else is legal-cover-your-ass-speak. 

Like most contracts, it’s basically a big “I don’t trust you and you don’t trust me” document. What a terrible way to welcome someone to the team isn’t it?
How often are these things actually enforced in a business like the one I am working for? And if people aren’t really enforcing them, why are we writing/signing them anyway? “Just in case” feels like a pretty weak argument to go through all the cost, trouble, and rigamarole. Is “Imagine if someone…” enough reason to have the first step we take with a new team member covered in legal mud? 

No it is this bloody law that we have that was only made to protect the employee. But now they are abusing this law by kicking you out after 3½ years. And after half a year you can return and start a t scratch. Hooray for the Dutch law it is far too complicated even for lawyers.

What if it would become a handshake company?

So I’ve been thinking… What if we could kick away all these employment contracts entirely? What if they became a handshake company? Plenty of small companies work this way, why can’t we? Aside from each person’s salary, we could post all our responsibilities and their responsibilities on the web. So everyone has the same work conditions and only a minimum of hours is stated and of course you agree to at least half a year of employment with them. 

Maybe it is time to change the law and let the unions make up the agreement so for both parties things will be square and fair. They could make a ”/workinghere” page at their own website that clearly lays out what employees can expect from the company and what the company expects from the employees. So if you cannot live up to the standards there is no need to send in your application or to work here at all. It could be build on a easy to hire, easy to fire base. It could be a living document too. Things change, benefits change, rules change. That’s just how it goes. Especially in these hard times of economic downturn we need to be creative. 

You read it, we shake hands, and we start working together. In the event that it doesn’t work out, we ask you to leave or you quit. Of course there should be terms of conditions about it. (Something like 7 or 14 days to resign or being signed off for both parties in the first year, a month after two years and so on.) There should be a maximum on it of three months. 

And the company has to help you to find something else if they need to lay you off  due to economical hard times or retrenchments made by third parties that need to cut back. That’s how it is anyway employment in the Netherlands and the rest of Europe is at-will. Every employment contract I’ve seen includes a line about at-will employment. So what are the dozens of other paragraphs really for?

In this day and age it seems crazy to even consider ditching employment contracts, but why? Why have we become so dependent on lawyers to control every relationship inside our companies? Why is “just in case” the default answer when asking questions about contracts? It sounds more like insurance than legal counsel. 

And the hardly anyone is having a heart for the company anymore. The world of employers should be more transparant new innovative products should be more often used as the costs for sick personel are sky high.  Why carry cash when you can pay with your phone our buy a prepaid ticket there is no need anymore for physical tickets. If you are being mugged you are traumatized for the rest of your life.

What’s your experience?

What are your experiences with employment contracts? If you own a business, do you require employment contracts? If you are an employee somewhere, have you signed a contract? Has anyone here ever had to actually sue or litigate an issue specifically related to an employment contract? If you’re an employee, do you feel more or less comfortable joining a company that makes you sign a legal contract? Did you have your contract checked by a union. Does anyone feel good about signing these things? I don’t but what is your opninion?

                                                                      


I would love to hear everyone’s thoughts about this subject.

The Old Sailor,

She's running me through the emotional washer

Dear Bloggers,

I am probably not the only bloke on earth that has issues in his marriage and therefor the raging fire in me has died out to a minimized glow like charcoal after a night on the barbeque.

Do not see it as complaining about my life in general it has been a rocky road but it was not that bad as we always had eachother. After my wife had some counseling therapy by being offended by her team manager she suddenly started to change and stood up for herself. She got in her first fight with one of her siblings who could not deal with the situation as she gave up on being the weak one and apoligize for something that wasn’t even her fault. But it is hard to change people’s manners after letting them do it for nearly fourty years. The second one that came into the shooting range was our sitter who blew out all the fuses when she implemented that our kids were lieing and cheating to her daughter. She came to talk about it when our daughter was still up. So my wife turned her down and got angry with her and told her too leave. As she struggled back she kicked her out. She was quite surprised by the anger that she had in her. I got the feeling that i am the next one in line. Like many others out there,

 

I originally post about my marriage but from now on it will be my sexless marriage and as I may hope I will receive comforting and thoughtful replies. After reading a lot about how people change after counceling and having lengthy conversations with my wife, I have a greater knowledge and understanding as to what has caused my marriage to be sexless.

Come to find out, there are multiple reasons I am sexless as it is not only her fault there is a lot of it caused by me.

Resentment, she resents me for a few of the financial decisions I've made that have set us back a few years. She is struggling with being able to put these behind her. These seem to be the most engrained issue affecting our relationship. The Tax office is not our friend at the moment as we made a mistake somewhere they want a hell lot of many back.

Low testosterone I recently had blood work done and I am low on testosterone. So far, no problem for me, but somehow it makes me feel dis-comfortable as it gets more and more an obsession to me. I have less and less erotic feelings left as I am only up to one thing and that is disturbing the whole thing, I guess. She got her medication changed to feel better as she is suffering from........... It made her breasts tender to the touch. It caused her to stay in bed one morning as it tyres her out.

Overall she has low desire for me, I just don't think she finds me all that attractive any longer. She did say that I am kind of boring because I never flirt with her. I think that is my own protective buildup from the years of rejection...why flirt with someone that will shut you out when it's supposed to be play time?

I was a Nice Guy, up until a couple of weeks ago, I was the poster child of Nice Guys...there have been books written about me (at least they hit the nail on the head).

Over the course of the past two weeks, I have read three books, The Five Love Languages, No More Mr. Nice Guy and Married Man's Sex Life Primer. She has read the Five Love Languages. We both understand that we each speak a different love language, but just addressing that issue isn't going to solve my problems anytime soon.

Nearly 15 years of marriage, 20 years being together, the sex and overall excitement in our relationship has continued to diminish where I am now absolutely miserable as it currently stands.

She had an appointment this morning for her second set of counselings, but oops...she forgot about the appointment. I asked her if she was going to reschedule and she replied, "yea, but really don't want these kind of therapy." During our conversations over the weekend, when we would touch on an issue where neither one of us had an immediate answer, I suggested she bring that to the attention of her counselor when she next meets with her this coming Frisday. She told me she didn't think she could talk with her anymore. 

So, I ask myself...Am I pushing the issue of our sexless marriage too quickly, all of a sudden out of thin air? Is she feeling overwhelmed with all I have thrown at her the past couple of weeks and need to allow her a bit more time to absorb it all?
Everything came to a head Saturday night, when after a bit of talking and getting a sense of each of us understanding each other a bit better, I mentioned to her I had a desire to do her. She said that would never happen, so I told her if she didn't want to try, I would not press the issue. I accept her not wanting to do it...end of story. 

Well, it should have been the end of the story, but then sometime around 3AM, I wake with some killer heartburn from the things I ate earlier. She is well awake and starts arguing about this and that and that now she has to comply with doing it.......blah, blah, blah. I told her that she already voiced her opinion of it and I have dropped it, never to be mentioned ever again.

But she won't let it go...acting like she has to comply or my sex life won't be fulfilling. I told her it wasn't a big deal...was just a fantasy and it can remain a fantasy, as I have no desire to force her compliance with anything. She is the one with a hangup about it and she should let it go, as she will never hear anything about it from me again. I think she saw this as an angle where she has reason to be upset with me, but since I didn't press the issue, she was attempting to keep it at the surface so there is reason to continue our sexless lifestyle...all because she has a crutch to use against me.

The following morning, I spelled it all out for her...either we resolve our differences and create a loving, caring, fulfilling relationship where we are both happy, or we should divorce and go our separate ways. I refuse to continue our relationship where resentment and lack of desire fill the air. Her first reaction was how she would lose her comforting surroundings and where to put all her furniture, because she would have no place to store them. Another comment in the night before was that I couldn't kick her out to the street corner because she currently does have a  straight job and the half of what we own is hers. Like as if I am stupid and would not know this but am I supposed to feel any sympathy or what???

Basically, at this point, I am waiting on her...sure I have a few things I need to work on, like flirting and being more Alpha, but most is on her to change. She needs to figure out how to let her resentments go...I have already reassured her about my job and that I promised to stay in the working field and not deviate as I had in the past. She needs to get her hormones balanced out...I can't do this for her. How much time is enough time to get these things in order? Do I set a timeline and vocalize it to her, or keep it to myself and just watch the progress, if there is any?

As it currently stands, if there are no improvements/participation on her part, I don't ever see this as fixable. I don't want this to be a thing of me continually hoping things will get better and her using it as a way to hijack my sex life, all so she can continue to be my live-in maid. At least that is how it feels as I am only here to feed some hungry mouths and do some cleaning. Let us see how this will evolve?

The Old Sailor,

How to make neighbor clean up his yard

Dear Bloggers,

We got our house for sale for almost three years as the market is pretty tough at the moment. So we were all excited when there were couple of potential buyers that would come and visit our house and also the house of one of our neighbors. When they saw our neighbors house they saw the mess of his neighbors who's yard is having boundaries with his property. And believe me these rental homes are bringing down our neighborhood with homes who are maximum 15 years of age. Losing money on your investment is always painful but if the home owner is just not doing anything puts me in a warrior state of mind.

When a neighbor has a messy yard, it's likely to affect you in two ways. The first is it's an eyesore and can be bothersome to look at. The second is that it can lower the value of your home as well as the neighborhood. This is particularly true if you are trying to sell a house, and a potential buyer is hesitant to live next to your messy neighbor. Many approaches can resolve this, but the ones you pick will depend largely on the relationship you have with your neighbor and your neighbor's attitude. The pictures I added our not from our neighbors as a lawsuit is still in progress and this might harm our case.

Instructions

Think the subject over, and decide approaches you can employ to get your neighbor to clean the yard. Consider if she has extenuating circumstances, such as an illness, a recently born baby or an extended period in which she was away. Remember some people are just naturally messy. Have a plan. This will help prevent you from approaching the neighbor in an overly emotional and disjointed way.

Try the carrot-over-the-stick approach first. Appeal to your neighbor's better nature, and bring up the subject of his messy yard with a smile on your face. Use a little psychology. Sometimes you can persuade people to do things without their even realizing it. Speak in a friendly and relaxed tone.

Use some commonsense arguments if the nice approach does not work. Say the mess is affecting the value of your property. This will be particularly effective if you have a for sale sign on your lawn. Bring up potential health hazards if the neighbor's yard is littered with garbage or dog poop.

Try some other approaches. Offer to help clean up the yard. Try to get other residents in the neighborhood to talk to your neighbor and join in the effort. The neighbor might be willing to listen to someone else. Offer to help pay to clean up the yard. Some cleanup services will be glad to do it for a price. Bribery might be too strong a word, but people do listen when the subject is money. If a yard is extremely messy, it's possible your neighbor is not cleaning it because it's too daunting a task. If you offer help, your neighbor might look at the job in a different way. Have your real estate agent talk to the neighbor if your house is for sale. This will really drive home the point of the value of your home.

Put your foot down by firmly telling your neighbor the situation has become intolerable. Tell your neighbor that if he does not address the mess immediately, you will go to the authorities. If that still does not work, go to your local government and make it aware of the situation. There are ordinances and zoning codes against dumping and other sanitation violations. The fact that your neighbor could be fined might finally result in some action. Contact the government again if it fails to respond to your complaint.

Be smarter than your neighbor. If the subject of the yard turns into a debate, use indisputable logic.

Don't get in a fight or threaten your neighbor with physical violence. This will only make the situation worse and almost certainly will not result in a clean yard.

How to Report the Negligence of Property Owners

Negligent property owners can drag down your home's value.
Many people have had to deal with messy neighbors and property owners. A neglected property can be an invitation for vermin, crime, and other sanitation issues. On top of it all, an unkempt property in your neighborhood or on your street can drag down the value of your home. With all the properties on the market today, why would someone want to deal with messy neighbors when they could get a house in a neighborhood without the eyesores. Luckily, there are ways to get negligent property owners to own up to their responsibilities. 

Instructions

Start with a direct approach. There isn't always a need to get authorities involved, as you may be able to handle the problem directly with the property owner. If the owner is living on the property, you can approach the owner and voice your concerns in a calm manner. If the owner does not live on the property, try your best to make contact with the person over the phone about the issue. Many times, this is all it will take to have the problem fixed.

Ensure that the person really is the property owner. If the person on the property is actually just a tenant, you have another step before going to authorities. Find out who is renting out the property and contact that person. You can do this through your county's property tax assessor's office. Once you have this information, send a letter to the landlord, including pictures of the negligence for added effect.

Complain to the lender of the property if it is in a foreclosed state. Do not settle for a customer service representative on this one. Make sure you speak with management, and go all the way up to the chief executive officer if that is what it takes. If this isn't giving you fast enough results, go to your state's governmental website and find the police officer who is in charge of your neighborhood.

Enlist help if necessary. If you are in a homeowners association, contact the group and submit a formal request for it to take action. If at this point you are unable to get satisfaction, contact your local village association. Find the number for your local public health department and call the office to explain what is going on. Make sure to take note of all sanitation and safety issues involving the property.

Contact a lawyer if you want to take this even further. A real estate attorney would be best for this. You may be able to sue the homeowners association if it didn't resolve the issue, or the owner of the property. Remember that these cases can drag on and be expensive, so this step should only be used as a last resort.

We are nearly at the last step the neighbor received a court order. Let us hope there will be soon some new response of potential buyers.

The Old Sailor,

Old Sailor on a mission

Dear Bloggers, 

The Old Sailor has become a man on a mission. Since his little girl was diagnosed with a behavior disorder at 8 years of age, together with his wife he has worked tirelessly to get our daughter the best possible intervention. Today we are getting help from some professionals.

You are making a difference just remember this: You are a parent, not a doctor or a scientist.

But, when it comes to your child, you are an expert. You know that little face and whether it lights up when you walk into a room. You know your child's babbling voice and would be the first to notice if it suddenly fell silent. You know how she behaves when she sees a new toy, meets a new child, goes to a birthday party, or visits a shopping mall. You know what makes her cry and what makes her laugh. You've seen children playing in parks and squabbling at family dinners. You've seen her as a baby playing peek-a-boo and playing house. And you wouldn't be a parent if you had not compared your child with other children.

Of course, not every difference is a disorder. Far from it. But if your instincts are telling you something is wrong, that something about your child is quite different from other children or that something essential about your child has changed or become increasingly troubling, your instincts are probably right.You know when something is wrong. Children with anger outburts have parents who are persistently worried about them. So, if you are worried about how your child is reacting and behaving, you should take your worry seriously. It could be a warning sign.Parents have been diagnosing their children from early on. They know it, they feel it. They say it all the time, "I just know something's just not right . . . the way she does this or the way she does that . . ." And they're right, usually.

Some parents whose children are eventually diagnosed with a disorder realize that their children were different as babies. A few notice specific, clear-cut problems; many others have nagging, vague concerns that are harder to express.Other parents see signs accumulate over time or appear suddenly. When doctors ask the right questions, worried parents almost always speak up. And, once their child is diagnosed with a problem, even those parents who do not express their worries at first usually say that they knew "something was wrong." Often they "just burst into tears" when their fears are confirmed.

Still, you may believe that what you know about your child pales in comparison to what seasoned pediatricians, family physicians, and nurse practitioners know about the science of development. If you've taken your child to every routine checkup and gotten a clean bill of health, you may feel that's reassurance enough. Unfortunately, that's not the case. While most health professionals do a good job of assessing physical development and try to measure cognitive growth, far too few know how to assess social and emotional development or how to interpret the early behavioral signs of disorders like for example autism. Some well-meaning doctors ask about these topics, but use the wrong questions. Others rely on their own, too-brief observations. And, unfortunately, far too few children with developmental delays and disorders get the early, intensive help that could put them on a healthier path.

The good news is that you can do something about this. You already know a lot about your child. You are about to learn a lot more about how to assess your child's social and emotional development and how to get prompt help if it's needed. 

The pediatricians take seriously their responsibility to follow a child's development. They are not annoyed or put on the defensive when parents, often armed with questions gleaned from a stack of books or the internet, want to talk about their children's social and emotional development. We were advised to see a specialized group pediatricians and caretakers that are taking tests in a playful way with your child and try to diagnose what the problem might be.
 
We eventually found this more knowledgeable pediatrician. And so can you. Ask other parents and your family physician for recommendations. When you hear of a good prospect, schedule a time to go in and talk with him or her, preferably without your child along. If you choose a practice and later become dissatisfied, try again. This process can be time-consuming, but will be well worthwhile, especially if your child has a problem with behavior. Ideally, you will find a pediatric practice where:

*developmental screening and observation are a routine part of every well-child visit.
*doctors get to know the children under their care. That means that your child usually sees the same physician or nurse practitioner, whether for sick or well visits.
*other staff members are accessible and helpful. Believe me, one helpful receptionist or nurse can make a huge difference should your child need complicated care.

It  all comes down to you. The truth remains that no matter how good your pediatrician is, you are your child's best observer and greatest champion. You are the gatekeeper, the person who stands between your child and the rest of the world, deciding which experiences and people to invite in and which to try to keep out. For parents of typically developing children, being a gatekeeper means choosing the best preschool or the most nurturing nanny. It might mean banning certain TV shows or toys. If that's your situation, you may have to work especially hard to get what your child needs.

For parents whose children turn out to have challenges, being a gatekeeper means all that and much more. It means choosing the people who can best help you and your child to navigate an often uncertain path toward the best possible outcome. It means working with those people to decide what is best for your child, but often making the final decisions yourself. It means becoming a true advocate.
Never forget, you are uniquely qualified. You know more, and care more, about your child than anyone else. All you require is a little more information and a few more skills. So, learn more about why it's so important to act on your concerns and then take action.
Your child is depending on you. 

The Old Sailor,

Allergy or is it an irritant?

Dear Bloggers,

My wife came home this week with hardly any voice left due to the fact that someone sprayed some kind of perfume. The doctor gives her prednisone for a week and this will do the magic. But it is crap that you have to use these kind of heavy drugs when this could be prevented on the work floor.

Just ask yourself the following question: If you sneeze every time you get a whiff of perfume or room deodorizer, you may be one of millions of people with a fragrance sensitivity.

As many as 30 percent of people surveyed in a study said that they find scented products irritating. Those with asthma or chemical sensitivities may find strong scents particularly problematic due to the allergy-like symptoms they cause.

Unlike tree pollen or dander, for example, perfumes and scents aren't actually allergens, they're irritants  but that doesn't mean that they can't trigger allergy symptoms like sneezing.

Hmmmm.....So what's the difference between an allergen and an irritant? In fairly simple terms, a true allergen causes a person’s immune system to release chemicals to fight the invader. On the way to the battle, inflammation could result — eyes could water, nose could fill, and so on.

"An allergen is a protein that is known to cause an IgE-mediated reaction,"

The immune system's response to allergen exposure can be divided into two phases. The first is immediate hypersensitivity or the early phase reaction, that occurs within 15 minutes of exposure to the allergen. The second, or late phase reaction, occurs 4-6 hours after the disappearance of the first phase symptoms and can last for days or even weeks. During the early phase reaction chemical mediators released by mast cells including histamine, prostaglandins, leukotrienes and thromboxane produce local tissue responses characteristic of an allergic reaction.

In the respiratory tract for example, these include sneezing, oedema and mucus secretion, with vasodilatation in the nose, leading to nasal blockage, and bronchoconstriction in the lung, leading to wheezing. During the late phase reaction in the lung, cellular infiltration, fibrin deposition and tissue destruction resulting from the sustained allergic response lead to increased bronchial reactivity, oedema and further inflammatory cell recruitment. These observations suggest that IgE is instrumental in the immune system's response to allergens by virtue of its ability to trigger mast cell mediator release, leading directly to both the early and late phase reactions.

An irritant, on the other hand, doesn’t provoke the immune system. But it has no problem making eyes water or noses run.

It's not understood how or why this happens. "An irritant is a chemical or product that causes symptoms without a known immunologic cause," says Miller, so it does not cause an IgE-mediated reaction.

Only an allergen can cause a true allergy, while "irritants cause sensitivities."

Bottom line: What people call a "perfume allergy" is either fragrance sensitivity or an allergy to some chemical in the perfume.

Symptoms of Fragrance Sensitivity

You can have two types of allergy symptoms due to fragrance sensitivity respiratory, nose and eye symptoms, much like that of seasonal allergy symptoms  or skin allergy symptoms.

Symptoms of fragrance sensitivity can include:

    Headaches

    Difficulty breathing

    Wheezing

    A tight feeling in the chest

    Worsening asthma symptoms

    Runny and stuffy nose

    Sneezing

    A skin allergy like contact dermatitis — an itchy, red rash that appears on the skin

The Rise of Fragrance Sensitivities

People who have asthma may be more sensitive to fragrances and may experience allergy symptoms or worsening asthma symptoms from exposure to perfumes, fragrances, and other chemicals. Although, says Miller, there isn't really an established link between asthma and fragrance sensitivity.

People who already have allergies, like seasonal allergies or allergies to indoor allergens like molds and animal allergens, may be more likely to experience fragrance sensitivities.

“Often patients with allergies are more sensitive to these irritants due to their baseline allergic disease," says Miller. And with more than 50 million Americans dealing with allergies, that's a lot of people at an increased risk for fragrance sensitivity.

Combine that increased sensitivity with a constantly increasing level of irritating chemicals and fragrances that are ever-present in our environment and the things we use every day (over 5,000 types used today), and it's no surprise that fragrance sensitivities are more common than initially believed.

Preventing and Treating Fragrance Sensitivities

If you're dealing with allergy symptoms caused by fragrance sensitivity, there are some things that you can do for relief.

Nasal antihistamine and nasal corticosteroid medications can effectively control allergy symptoms caused by these sensitivities. But the best medicine is really an ounce of prevention and that means keeping all fragrances off yourself and out of your environment.

There just aren't any "safe" fragrances or products that can be recommended for anyone who has experienced allergy symptoms due to fragrance sensitivities.

"Any product with a scent can be irritating to patients," I am suggesting that patients utilize scent-free products if at all possible." That means fragrance-free:

    Lotions

    Soaps

    Skin care products

    Laundry detergents

    Fabric softeners

You should even be cautious with cleaning and deodorizing products that you use at home look for products that don't contain fragrance, which could cause your allergy symptoms.

You may also need to ask your friends, spouse or partner, and co-workers to avoid wearing or using heavily-fragranced products around you to prevent your allergy symptoms.

Of course, there's no hard and fast rule about what you can and can't use  fragrance sensitivity is an individual issue.

"This type of sensitivity can vary among individuals," every case is unique. "In some patients all scents are bothersome, and in others only strong smells [like chlorine] are irritating."

But rather than run the risk of having allergy symptoms from fragrance sensitivity, it's best to be conservative and avoid all products containing fragrance for the best chance at avoiding your allergy symptoms.

The Old Sailor,