a live at sea again?

Dear Bloggers,

I am just looking around for a job again and on my job hunt my mind is drifting off to a job on a cruiseship, something that I did before. The big difference with the time then is that there were no kids involved. That would make the story a bit different. This is what my mind came up with a mix of memories and dreams.

After my flight to the Bahamas and a night at a hotel my day started like this. Got up this morning early, ate a quick breakfast and got a Senseo, made sure everything was in my duffels, checked my email one last time, and got in a cab with the details of the ship. I felt very excited and ready to get going as we drove through the morning island traffic to the port. Upon arrival I got in a line and was given a nametag and paperwork to start filling out. I started to feel a little nervous and anxious as I was overwhelmed with the feeling that there was a lot to do. It hit me that this was actually happening and I could see all the others hugging their parents as their parents cried, and then they would step through a door with officials.

I got to that point already two days ago and said my goodbyes with my wife and she was crying and hugging me so tight I thought she might never let go and then I stepped through the gate towards the guys from customs with my bags and into a line of security, waving goodbyes behind me to my loved ones.

And nowI waited my turn and chatted with a guy from Canada as we shuffled our bags slowly forward in a strange wharf warehouse that had all sorts of giant colorful Chinese decorations being stored in the corners, maybe for Chinese New Year. Finally it was my turn. My bags were scanned, my backpack searched, I walked through the metal detector and was wanded and searched. They loaded my bags on a truck with the rest and I was instructed to continue through a cement hallway. I entered a room where I was to hand over my passport, yellow fever vaccine information and my Bahamas immigration form. Well crap, I just had the Bahama immigration card. I panicked for a second as I realized where it was: back at the hotel. I explained what happened and they said it was not necessary, so I took a breath and moved on.

I walked out of the dim room and out into the hot sunny day on the dock. There it was…!! What a great looking ship! The logo printed huge up on the smoke stacks, blue and white with all the little windows lined up on the outside; my home for the next 185 days…WOW!

I walked all the way down the dock to the gangway (ship entrance) I entered the dim lit gangway struggling to see after squinting in the bright Bahamian sun. I walked through a metal detector again and was instructed to go up the stairs. There are several decks (levels) on the ship and I had entered on level three. As I started up the grand looking stairs I took notice to the wood walls, nice carpet, perfectly shined metal handrails and glass engraved with quotes hanging on the walls. I felt like I was about to enter a fancy ballroom in a five star hotel or something.

 

I passed deck after deck of beautiful looking hallways and rooms to check out later until I reached deck six. I suppose I had a confused look on my face, because a guy introduced himself and pointed to a table I was supposed to go to. I was in a very large room with many nice cushioned swivel chairs all lined in rows in a half circle around a dance floor with a piano. The ceiling had fancy woodwork as well and the drapes looked like something from a mansion. It looked like a performance room. It was currently being used to check in everyone who boarded the ship. I was given my Ships ID at one table, a sheet with all of my personal info and what I still needed to do on another, and then came up on a table that gave me a sheet of what semester at sea trips I was already signed up for. I felt anxious again as I had no idea this was going to happen and was not sure if I wanted more trips. So, panicked and a little worried I signed up for an Amazon explorer trip and an African drumming and dance workshop. I then helped my new Canadian friend look over trips.

Proceeding around the room I talked to the ship doctor about any medical conditions and then was told my room number and that I was free to go. I think I must have looked like a deer in headlights because I just stood there for a minute not knowing what to do or where I should go first, so much to take in! OK room first, maybe my roommate would be there. So I headed back to the stairs and headed down to the third deck. I was so lost. I walked the hallway again and then felt like an idiot, haha this is only half of the ship and there are no even numbers in this hallway, I’m on the other side. So I went to the correct never ending hallway of wooden walls and doors and found my new bedroom door.

My name was posted next to it. Above mine was my roommate’s: Andrew Thompson, Texas. My heart sank. Great, I have a high maintenance Texan for a roommate. I immediately stopped myself, “Jake don’t stereotype, he is probably very nice and you will become good friends and it will work out great!” So with that I opened the door with my new ID, which did not look like me and confused everyone because I still had long hair in the ID picture, and dragged my duffels that had been conveniently placed in front of my door into my new cabin.

Empty; he wasn’t on the ship yet. My cabin was very nice, placed in the direct center of the ship where there is the least rocking. There are two small twin beds on either side. We each have a small three-drawer bedside table and share a little glass table and chair, a built in vanity/desk and chair, a built into the wall mini TV and fridge with three drawers underneath. The closet is maybe four feet long with shoe racks at the bottom and a side shelving area with six shelves. I thought it was incredibly nice looking and spacious given the small area and my expectations. Opposite the closet is a tiny bathroom, just big enough for a small toilet, sink and a shower. Well I wasn’t expecting that at all, so YAY for personal bathrooms! I like it! The window is bigger then I expected too! I was too excited to learn more about this fancy ship, so I left unpacking to be done later and went exploring.

I decided I wanted to wander on every deck from front to back of the ship and see where everything was. Deck two through four I discovered are only rooms, besides the restricted areas. Just long forever-going narrow hallways of doors with name tags and fancy wood doors. On deck five I started at the front of the ship and walked towards the back discovering that there were still some rooms with bigger hallways and bigger doors that were spread further apart, probably nicer bigger rooms for some guys and girls with a higher rank. Also on this floor was a circular open area, where there are bulletin boards of information and several desks and the main info/pursers desk. Some of the bulletin boards have pictures of everyone on the ship with their name. (something we called the muppet show on the ferries.) In the center was a big open circle where you could look up to the next level. Continuing there were more rooms and the hallway eventually turned a corner and opened up into the entrance to the main dining hall. The dining hall was very nice.

 

It looked like a ballroom fancy dinner restaurant with mirrors on the ceilings encircling big glass chandelier. Windows around the entire room with a view of the ocean made for the perfect dinning experience around the big oval tables with soft blue chairs. Near the entrance was an island table that looked like a bar. Just outside the dining hall were also doors to outside decks, which I explored and found lifeboats and beautiful views off the ships side of the city of Nassau.

Continuing up to deck six I was at the back and I discovered a place called the garden lounge. Not quite as nice of a dining area, more like a cute diner also lined with windows. The coolest part about this room was the colorful columns of bubbles going up the walls on either side of the buffet line. The room also led out to the first real nice outside deck I had seen. There were tables and chairs all sitting on the large deck that overlooked the ocean. Half covered by the deck above and half not it was the perfect place to dine outside. I am so excited to work out here and watch sunsets! This also had a nice granite topped bar.
Going back inside I noticed two conferencerooms on the side of the garden lounge. I continued out and walked down a hallway past the stairs and into an amazing place called the piano bar. This ship was way too nice to have been built for only a few passengers! No wonder this ships cruise were so expensive. Filled with tables, comfy chairs, couches, a piano and a nice sized snack bar with all the candies, coffee, chips and cup noodles you could ever want.

The messroom, wow. The perfect place to sit on your computer, read and do some work in the evenings, maybe even play some games with friends. Down the hallway a little further was the diningroom for us. The room was fairly small so I knew my breaks wouldn’t be all that big; hurray for small breaks and more coffee and tea moments it makes the days shorter in a way.

Then I stumbled across something I had heard was on the ship but wasn’t sure would be as nice as they were. There are three little shops all in a circle in the hallway. One is a merchandise store, one a tiny bookstore and the other a supply store of pens, notebooks, lanyards and small tubes of shampoo and sunscreen, basically tons of miniature things that people may run out of or have forgotten. I immediately promised myself not to spend too much money on anything in these stores because the prices of all extra food and merchandise is twice that of stores on land.

Back in the square, I was now on the top floor and could look down on the desks. Upstairs on either side of the circle was the ship library with a few rows of computers. I walked past another room with desks and looks like a card room. To get up to the final deck I had to go back to the garden lounge and up the stairs. Deck seven is apparently only accessible to our passengers on the back half of the ship, but what I found was really cool!! The outside deck was covered in sun lounge chairs and tables with chairs. In the direct middle was a small pool about 5 feet deep with the logo at the bottom. At the very back of the deck under the canvas canopy was an even bigger snack bar with a grill! They make smoothies, ice cream, cookies, pizza, hamburgers, grilled cheese and had all of the same delicious snacks the other bar did. Of course the snack bars all cost extra compared to our already paid for meals in the dining rooms, though I bet they will be a nice change to have now and then when the dining room food gets old.

To the side of all of this were weights and all of the common work out equipment. Continuing around the outside of the ship on this deck there were outside basketball courts and volleyball courts all netted in. There were places for all sorts of activities and exercise. Continuing inside I found something crazy!! There is a wellness center on this ship, which includes a salon to get your hair cut and your nails done, a spa to get massages, facials and waxes. And of course a workout room with treadmills, stair masters, bikes and ellipticals. I couldn’t believe this was here as this ship is not that big, but I guess it could come in handy. Lastly I learned that the health center was back on deck two and that deck one was off limits due to it containing storage and all of the ships workings. Deck eight (where the bridge is located) is also off limits, except for the one viewing deck where you can look out over the front of the ship.

Done exploring, I decided to go unpack so I didn’t have to think about it later. I went back to my room to find my new roommate sitting on the bed crying. We introduced ourselves and I asked her what was wrong. He was just in shock and was having a really hard time leaving the family behind. Turns out I can remember the feeling from many years ago. He is a very nice guy who does not fit the stereotype I had placed at all. We got to know each other for a short amount of time until he decided he wanted some air and left. While he was gone I unpacked. I realized that he had more full luggage then I did so I gave him a bit of extra space since I did not need it. I took half the closet, two shelves and one drawer so that he had plenty of room. I put my magnets and few photos up on the walls, along with my magnetic calendar, placed toiletries in a portion of the cabinet under the sink and determined what I would be using least and left it in my duffels which I flattened and rolled under the bed.

I jumped up as a loud voice boomed over the speakers that I had forgotten that they existed. “Good afternoon and welcome aboard. At this point all passengers have boarded. The ship was originally scheduled to depart within the hour, There will be an emergency lifeboat drill in ten minutes. Please look at the card on the back of your door to locate your muster station. Please wear warm clothing, close-toed shoes, a hat and your life vest from your cabin and convene at your muster station. This is a drill, but please take it seriously, wear the proper clothing and remain quiet at your station while attendance is taken. Thank you.” So I changed into the proper clothing and got the life vest out of my closet. When the signal was made everyone flooded out of their rooms like a herd of cattle down the hallways. Moving up the stairs was slow. Everyone flooded out onto the outside decks at their specified muster stations. It looked pretty strange and reminded me of the good old days on the ferry as the bright blue decks were covered with people organized in orange life vests. Once everyone was accounted for a hush went over the crowd as the captain of the ship walked all decks inspecting that everyone was properly prepared and everything set to go with other high status crewmembers following behind. All was clear and we were free to go.

Later in the evening we had a ship wide meeting to introduce and welcome everyone to the ship. I learned that this ship is 590ft long, is the fastest ship of its size in the world traveling a maximum of 28 knots or 32 miles an hour. The maximum capacity of the ship is 836 people but on this voyage there are 780. 570 of them are passengers, 70 are crew to sail the ship and 140 are staffmembers to serve the passengers, They also mentioned that the ship was very sustainable, but I have no idea how. But i will probably find this out during the journey. Now it is time to go to sleep on the light rocking waves. Maybe my dreams will become real one day.

The Old Sailor,

If behaviour becomes a problem

Dear Bloggers,

Due to the fact that I was busy working Idid not find the time last week to write a blog story, but in the mean time anyway carried on. And I had a progressive talk with my doctor and the schooldoctor about my youngest daughter. As my daughter has outbursts of agression that are destructive to other family members and she is not afraid to use things as a weapon. For example her five year older sister was having an argument with her and was beaten with a stick by her. When I asked her were this is coming from she talks about a voice in her head.

The strange part of it is that it can be triggered by the most ridicilous things that you would  say to her. I told her last week that an event was changed in date due to not enough participants. First of all she was confused about it and then she bursted out in total anger and ripped up a toy totally. You can read in her face that at this moment there is no chance to make any contact to her. This kind of behaviour is very odd to me.

Managing children’s behaviour can seem a Herculean task when they begin to realise how much fun getting into trouble can be as in many cases kids want to have the attention and they will definitely get it. However, parents will often yell themselves hoarse or tear their hair right out of their head, without it making one bit of difference. Rather than simply punishing children, which is often as hard on a parent as it is on a child and more often retributive rather than informative, the doctor told me to consider making a behaviour management plan.

Defining the Problem Behaviours

Before a behaviour management plan can be put into practice, problem behaviours must be identified. Problem behaviours are those that parents would like to see changed because they are inappropriate for the child’s age or stage of development. Problem behaviours can be small annoyances (thumb sucking), embarrassing (public temper tantrums) or even dangerous (hitting, kicking or biting others). Some children will also display a variety of behaviours at the same time, such as yelling, breaking things and kicking others during a temper tantrum. A good behaviour management plan will take into account all of the problem behaviours.

Observe the Problem Behaviours

In addition to knowing which behaviours are problematic, we as parents must also understand why and when these behaviours occur. Observing a child to see if there are any themes in where behaviours occur, if behaviours occur when certain people are or are not around, when behaviours occur and the consequences that these behaviours bring with them will help you to understand how in the best way to target and modify these behaviours in a behaviour management plan.

Set Goals

When behaviours are identified and “understood,” goals should be set for the behaviour management plan. Both short term and long term goals should be delineated so that the plan can be assessed both during and after its use. Short term goals can be daily, weekly or even monthly. Most long term goals should be no longer than one year, and should not seek to eradicate behaviours completely. For example, thumb sucking may die out within a year but it is also a comforting gesture that a child may turn to in a time of high stress after the year is out. This does not mean that the behaviour management plan has failed.

Decide on a Path

When goals have been set, the behaviour management plan must be fleshed out. Deciding how to manage or modify behaviours is key. Will it be through positive reinforcement, negative consequences or a combination of both? What will the positive reinforcements be? (together with my daughter we have decided that we mark on the calender her behaviour and a week of no trouble means a new book as she loves to read.) What methods of discipline will be used as negative consequences? (this means been send to the staircase and sit there for a while to think about what you have done, this method we have been using from the beginning.) How long will these decisions stand before they must be reviewed? These are all questions that should be considered when a behaviour management plan is being devised. Professional educators and child development experts will likely be able to help, if needed.

Get Started

When a behavioural management plan is complete, it does no one any good unless it is put into practice. Explain decisions to the child, so that she understands that from now on the target behaviour is unacceptable and there will be consequences if it does occur. If possible, start the plan on a Sunday or a Monday so that each week brings a clean slate. Be sure to celebrate major milestones throughout the plan (weekly and monthly “anniversaries”) and don’t be afraid to have a celebration for ultimate success. This week she finally succeeded and earned her first book. That means that we finally have booked some succes but at least there is hope.

The Old Sailor,

What about the 11 city tour on ice?

Dear Bloggers,

The title of this blog is one of the most appreciated, but rare slogans in the Netherlands. When it is used, usually by radio or television, it means that it has frozen in the Netherlands; not just a little for a short time, but really hard and for a long time. The slogan announces the Eleven City Tour, one of the most heroic skating events. The winner receives a medal of 8 grams of alloy and eternal fame.

route of the 11 city tour of 1997

Professional skaters and amateurs skate for 200 kilometres on natural  ice through the provence of  Fryslân and have to collect stamps on the road to their much-sought-after medal. The Eleven City Tour is a nostalgic event. The last one was held in the last century, in 1997; as a compensation a similar tour is being organised abroad in Finland or Austria.

Despite the global warming the Eleven City Tour is on again, but now in cross media. The social media already starts about this heroic tour and soon it will be subject on radio, television and internet. The launch of the tour itself needs more nights of  low temperatures for at least a week If you got curious now about this special event in the North of the Netherlands. The movie theatre reports and television broadcasts since 1929 have been brought online.

Post to get stamps

The project is a cultural heritage project of the Eleven City Tour association, the Skating museum, the skating sports association, , the institute of Image and Sound, produced by the national broadcast companies NPS and VPRO. The project intends to show what has been preserved, but it also aims at user generated content such as photographs and movies.

Memories from participants can be recorded in sound, image or text.

Only the ones that make will get a cross medal

Pinning a date for a coming tour is not that easy as we do not have any influence on the weather. But it just started freezing it will be on the earliest the second week of February I guess. To me it is almost tempting fate, as the Eleven City Tour needs harsh winter weather. The real thing is not like any other skating event it needs a hell lot of people to make sure no one gets hurt or whatever is needed many Frysians will volunteer to help out.

Happily enough, you can now stay inside (temperatures went down to minus 17 degrees celsius last night) with the cross media Eleven tour city and look at the most heroic tour won by Mr Reinier Paping on 18 January 1963. I was not even born yet but people talked about every winter again how harsh this tour has been. They also made a movie about it called the “de hel van ’63” translated as the hell of 63.Let us see if this marvelous event will come up this year as was not one for the last fifteen years. The kids will be off from school to watch it either live or in front of the television set as public transport will be disrupted due to the event. This year might be the chance and many colourful images will be broadcasted for the first time on media like twitter.

Getting the ice skates out again.

The Old Sailor,

How things in life can go wrong

Dear Bloggers,

As we all could see and hear on the news that a modern Cruise liner went of it’s normal position and sank close to the Italian island Giglio on Friday the 13th is a strange combination of human error and bad luck. Or are the supersticious people right about this special day, question is why did the captain go overboard or is he just another asshole that is only thinking about himself? It must be a drama if you were part of it as your life will never be the same again. Eventhough It is this year a quarter of a century ago that I had to take part in military support actions during the disaster with the roro ferry Herald of Free Enterprise. A picture that is never gone out of my memory.

Herald of Free Enterprise

My thoughts go out to the families and friends of the ones that passed away or have gone missing during this disaster. It will take many years to pick up your life and see the sun shining again. At least that is my experience as being only a helper on the side not doing anything else then my job at that time.

Costa Concordia in better days

Following the tragic Costa Concordia accident, Carnival Corporation & plc, parent company of Costa Cruises and nine leading cruise lines around the world, today announced a comprehensive audit and review of all safety and emergency response procedures across all of the company’s cruise lines.Carnival Corporation & plc and the cruise industry as a whole have maintained an excellent safety record over the years. “However, this tragedy has called into question our company’s safety and emergency response procedures and practices,” said Micky Arison, chairman and CEO of Carnival Corporation & plc. “While I have every confidence in the safety of our vessels and the professionalism of our crews, this review will evaluate all practices and procedures to make sure that this kind of accident doesn’t happen again.”

Initial timeline and track of the Costa Concordia grounding.

Friday 13 January 2012.

Times and positions approximate.

2116 = 9:16 pm local time.

1900. Costa Concordia departs Civitavecchia.

2116. Costa Concordia turns left toward Isola del Giglio in order to pass close to the island. This deviation will add a short distance to this overnight leg and require a slightly higher overall speed. This ship is doing 15.5 kts.

2133. Costa Concordia is on course 276 (almost due West) at 15.5 kts approaching Isola del Giglio. The island is about 2000 yards directly in front of Costa Concordia. The plan is to turn right, toward the north, and leave the island to the port side.

2136. Costa Concordia commences turn to the right late, maintaining speed of 15.5 kts. Due to advance and transfer, the momentum of the vessel will carry it closer to the island before the turn to the new course is completed. It looks like the new course was planned to be something like 320.

2138. Costa Concordia strikes charted rocks off Isola del Giglio on her port side. Power is lost to the electrical plant and propulsion. The ship starts to slow. The crew announces there is a power outage and reports to Isola del Giglio that they need no assistance. Many news report are quoting “9:30″ or 2130 as the time of the impact. That time isn’t supported by the AIS data below.

2145. First alarm is sounded.

2145-2150. Ship begins to list.

2200. Bow thruster is used to turn bow to the right. The ships is moving slowly toward Giglio, likely the result of current.

2242. Accident is reported to port authorities.

2250. Abandon ship order is given.

0100. Schettino reports only 40 people remain on board. In fact there are hundreds.

0146. Italian Coast Guard orders Schettino to return to Costa Concordia.

source of AIS data:

AIS data for Costa Concordia night of 13 January 2012. Times are GMT, one hour different than that on the ship.

At present it appears that Carnival Cruise Lines (and their subsidiary Costa Crociere) are treating this as a special cause event, the actions of a rogue sea master. Costa Crociere’’s statement already indicates this is the direction they are headed. What needs to be investigated are issues of command and leadership. To what degree are tenets such as “forceful backup” and “a questioning attitude” prevalent. Further, the system surrounding selection, training, and routine monitoring of masters needs to be scrutinized sufficienty in order to understand whether Mr. Schettino was indeed a rogue captain operating outside the system, or whether there were systemic contributors to this tragedy.

If the investigation focuses solely on the actions on board Costa Concordia the evening of Friday 13 January, then the probability of recurrence is 100%.

A stricken Costa Concordia.

The statement Micky Arison, CEO of Carnival Cruise Lines should issue.

It is with sadness and regret that I report the latest on the Costa Concordia tragedy. As of 0700 this morning xx bodies have been recovered and xx people remain unaccounted for. Our search efforts continue.

Our subsidiary and operator of the Costa Concordia, Costa Crociere issued a statement that identified significant human error on the part of the ship’s master as the likely immediate cause of this accident. While that appears thus far to be true, I don’t believe the statement goes far enough in describing my responsibility for safe cruising and the actions we are taking.

I have directed for following.

We have provided all cruise ship captains with all available information about the Costa Concordia accident and aftermath. As more information becomes available, I will pass that to them. Cruise ships at sea will continue their itineraries. All captains of cruise ships in port will recertify to me personally that they understand their responsibilities to operate within the procedures, ensure their crews are operating within procedures and the paramount importance of passenger safety, prior to getting underway.

I have directed full compliance with the investigating body and commissioned an independent company investigation that will report directly to the Board.

This investigation will proceed in 2 phases.

In the first phase, the immediate causes of the grounding, capsizing, and incomplete evacuation will be investigated. The intent is not only to understand why the ship was so far off course, and how it’s navigational safety equipment malfunctioned, but how the damage control efforts to control the flooding failed to prevent the ship from capsizing.

When complete, I will recommend a public release of our findings and actions.

In the second phase, which will likely take several months, the investigation will look into the distant causes of the accident. We will understand how ship design, manufacture, crew training, and leadership structures all affected this event.

It would be too easy to identify this accident as the rogue action of a single irresponsible master and I am not going to take that route. I have charged the investigators with understanding and identifying the role that fundamental questions of company culture toward safety, the willingness of subordinates to question the direction of superiors, and the ability of watchstanding teams to respond with resilience to unanticipated events.

In this investigation, no decision will be off limits no matter who made them or how removed they may seem from the immediate event.

Leadership lessons from the Costa Concordia tragedy.

In the evening of 13 January 2012 the modern cruise ship Costa Concordia with about 4300 souls aboard grounded and capsized off the Italian Isola del Giglio. The death toll is likekly to run into the 20s.

It now appears that the captain, Francesco Schettino directed the ship alter course to take it very close to the island as a sort of nautical fly-by as a tribute to one of ship’s company who was from that island. From the photos, it is apparent that the ship was passing very close to the shore. These waters have been plied since before the Romans and the chance that any rocks were uncharted is unthinkable.

Don’t we wish that one of the other crewmen spoke up against this reckless, dangerous, and ultimately lethal stunt? As captain of a nuclear powered submarine I strove to give a few orders as possible in order to maintain a detached perspective on the actions of the ship, balancing safety and operational tasking dispassionately. In a strong leader-follower culture, the leader gives orders and the others follow. Asking questions is discouraged. It would appear that this is another case of leader-follower in action.

A bigger question lies for the cruise ship company: Costa lines and the parent company Carnival Cruise lines.

How is such a leadership structure tolerated on board their cruise ships? This is a throwback to the 18th century “Master and Commander” style leadership: top-down, autocratic, imperious, and wrong.

Did someone challenge the Captain's ill-thought out orders?

I only can see this as a bad decission of one captain it is no needed to be scared to go on a cruise but it is something to think about. If you might go cruising just realize that you might need to rescue yourself one day and you are happy if you have read the safety instructions.

The Old Sailor,

Diabetes the silent killer

Dear Bloggers,

I am familiar for a while now with the diagnoses diabetes but no one is telling you about the risk that you might possibly die of this bloody disease in the Netherlands about 40 of a 1000 men will die due to being overweight, high bloodpressure, kidney faillure or vascular problems. So it is really time to take more care of me and find a different way to care about the rest of my family. Otherwise I might get into really big trouble. Complications will sneak in sooner or later.

Some practical things that you can do to help during this time include the following:

Learn as much as possible about your disease. At times, ignorance or a lack of understanding is your worst enemy. Arm yourself with information in order to lessen frustration. Do not hesitate to ask questions about your disease. You may wish to keep a notebook with all of the medical records and information about your diagnosis; sometimes, you can be too numb or too upset at the hospital and realize later that you forgot everything the physician had said. Further you should stick to your diet and stay in shape as it is your body and your life.

Keep a journal of your feelings about your disease and the impact on your life. As time goes on, you may be able to look back and see that things are improving.

Learn about your health benefits so that you understand what expenses will be covered by insurance.

Continue doing your usual, daily activities. You will still have grocery shopping, laundry, and going through the mail to do on a daily or weekly basis. Having some of these "regular" activities will help you cope and feel more in control.

Take care of your family relationships. Although your primary focus is on your diabetes, it is important to also spend time as you normally would with your family, friends, and spouse. It is healthy to have fun together. Relieving stress and strengthening family relationships will allow you to cope better with your disease.

Utilize the support groups in the area, as well as national support groups and their resources. Find out about supportive services available at the hospital or doctors post to help you cope, such as the availability of social workers and/or meetings with other families. Do not be afraid to ask for help. Each family's need for support is unique. Friends and family members will often ask, "Is there anything I can do to help?" Consider saying "yes" to this question and ask them to pick up your groceries, help with the laundry or housecleaning, pick up your children from their extracurricular activities, or make dinner. "Assigning" a friend or family member something to do to help you will also help them feel like they are contributing.

Avoid emotionally draining situations. Sometimes, well-meaning friends and family members will say the worst possible thing at the time of a diabetes diagnosis especially on the bad news stories. They truly want to help or be supportive, but sometimes do not know how to respond. Their words may hurt you or disappoint you, even though that was not their intention. You must realize that people will not know what your needs are unless you tell them. Sometimes, it is simply easier to be forthright and tell someone "I would just like you to sit quietly with me and keep me company" or "I need to spend some time alone right now." Do not be afraid to express your needs during this time.

Other people may want to talk to you about their experiences with diabetes. They may believe that they are being helpful to you, but instead may be making your situation feel even more overwhelming. It is important for you to avoid these discussions if they are not helping you. It is healthy to be "selfish" and ask for what you need, as well as what you do not need during this time.

Share what you have learned. You will have important knowledge and skills that you learn as you experience your illness. You could help others and their families by sharing your experiences.

And how to explain your kids in my case:

School-aged children (6 to 12 years of age):

They need repeated reassurance that he/she is not responsible for the diabetes 

teaching that sadness, anger, and guilt are normal feelings 

allowing your child to keep feelings private, if that is preferred 

suggesting personal recording of thoughts, feelings through writing, drawing 

arranging for physical activity, when possible 

providing explanations for your child so it can understand about your diabetes and the treatment plan. 

answering all questions honestly and in understandable language, including, "Are you going to die?" (talk with diabetes care team about how to answer) 

listening for unasked questions 

facilitating communication with siblings, friends, and classmates, if desired 

teaching about normal feelings of fear, anxiety, sadness, or anger 

encouraging sibling to communicate feelings; suggesting sibling write, telephone, send drawings or taped message to patient 

explaining that parents' distress, sadness, or crying is okay

Adolescents (13 to 18 years of age and older):

giving information on normal emotional reactions to a diabetes diagnosis

encouraging expression of feelings to someone: parents, family, or classmates

tolerating any reluctance to communicate thoughts and feelings

encouraging journal keeping

providing repeated reassurance that they are not responsible for causing the diabetes

being included in all discussions with parents about diagnosis and treatment planning

being encouraged to ask questions (parents should listen for unasked questions)

addressing spiritual concerns about "Why?"

offering assurance that parents and family members will be able to manage crisis

encouraging sharing news of diagnosis with friends, and classmates

arranging for visits of friends

reassuring that diabetes is not contagious

offering assurance that nothing they did or said caused the diabetes

providing detailed information on diagnosis and treatment plan

answering all questions honestly

encouraging expression of feelings

arranging for management of daily life at home

providing assurance that family will be able to handle crisis

informing teachers and coaches of family situation

encouraging usual involvement in school and other activities

Diabetes in the Family - Talking to Kids about Diabetes

Few things impact a family more than a diagnosis of diabetes. Every member of the family and every aspect of your life will be affected such as relationships, money, time and energy. Parents diagnosed with diabetes must not only face their own fears and uncertainty, they must also help their children cope with this life-altering reality.

Communication is key throughout the diabetes journey. Understanding children’s developmental stages can help parents understand the way their child views illness. You should also take into account the individual child’s temperament. It is important to remember that children are more resilient than you might anticipate.

Yet it is important to tell your children about your situation. You can say something like, “diabetes is a serious, but treatable disease.” As far as treatment, children should be told that the doctors are working to make you better. They should also know what will happen in the next few days or weeks and also about how long treatment will take.

Do I talk about the possibility of my dying?

You may be worried about dying and so might your children. In general, if your physician is optimistic about your chances for recovery, you do not need to tell your children you could die. Be honest and encourage your children to share their fears and worries with you. Your children may ask you if you could die. Carefully consider your response. Balance honesty with the emotional impact of such news and leave the door open for future questions. Take into account the child’s developmental age and understanding of time when answering this question.

What if they ask questions I have already answered?

Asking the same question repeatedly is normal for children. Absorbing the reality of a diabetes diagnosis is difficult for everyone. Forgetting information is common for both children and adults in times of great stress. Do not feel like a failure if it seems your children do not understand your explanations. By answering your children’s questions over and over again, you are helping to ease their worries. Sometimes children may test you to see if your answers stay the same. Try a different approach to answer your child’s questions each time they ask.

Should I tell others about my diabetes? Teachers? Friends?

People vary in the length of time it takes to feel comfortable talking about diabetes. It can be a strain for children to feel as if they need to keep your diabetes secret. Chances are the news will leak out anyway. Consider who the important people in your child’s life are. Often it is their teachers, coaches, scout leaders, music instructors and the parent’s of their friends. Sharing the news with these people allows them to interact with your children in helpful ways. It will help teachers make sense of any behavior changes. 

The Old Sailor,

Down memory lane with funny feelings

Dear Bloggers,

The new year just has started and nothing really has changed, our house is still for sale and I am still married to the the same women that I have met nineteen years ago. My god I am getting old as I talk about my yesteryears. Yes I have f***ked up life pretty much but who cares I was happy. I was doing all kinds of things as I was smoking, drinking and all kinds of other things when I was a youngster, I tried my luck Down Under but came back broke and disappointed as a recession broke out. And my job came to an end.

I am going to have some funny feelings now.  Somehow I am embarrassed at how often in the past I have publicly posted about my deepest desires, thoughts, emotions, confessions, bowel movements and my good old days at sea.  So if you’re somebody who doesn’t want to hear about Old Sailors past trauma, you may now run away. Strange how all of a sudden these memories can jump up and swing you back to your “good old days.”

Let us begin with my teenage years. As we needed to pick up someone from the ferry we past a farm and that is not that strange in the North as we are the dairy part of the country. Close to the island up the coast of Holland there was an old farm; there were outbuildings, a woodshed, a barn, fields, and a beautiful salt cove that leads out onto the bay. Every single room and outbuilding and crawl space on that approx 80 acres of grass fields, and every dark saltwater inlet haven, is filled with memories, just how it should be with an old house. These are some of the only really good memories I have of my childhood. I only know what it feels like to be truly, deeply carefree and happy, because I remember a time when I lived together with my brother and sisters on my parents ponyfarm and was surrounded by love.

I had a great youth but also some rough times as a kid. But there were more happy than sad moments in my life eventhough there was nothing really challenging in the little village where I was born and raised, I left home at twentytwo and moved halfway across the globe to figure out who I was outside of that place. For me home is both a precious gem and a bed of quicksand. After I came back and brushed my old life again, I met a girl but my dreams were still wild and i started sailing. I left her behind to start a different adventure again to work as a bartender on a cruiseship. Although the job was good the money was ok, I got for the second time in my life homesick. Then life is really getting painful. When I had been gone long enough, I figured out that I could someday go back and reconcile with Home, really face my past and maybe let some things go, but I never did.

Until one day my mum and dad sold the house and later also the ponyfarm. It was time for them to retire and enjoy their own lives as they were giving many kids a second home at the farm. I actually lived in a live childrensbook story and that was kind of strange but on the other hand so familiar, it felt like having some extra brothers and sisters. All of a sudden the so well known place was belonging to someone else.

A couple of years later my mum past away although my dad is still around, he is getting really old and more and more fragile. Together with my sisters and brother he is the last one that know that little boy from those past years. Even when I grew up now and saw a lot of things in my turbulent life, I probably might have hurt a couple of persons feelings but that is because I can be pretty straight forward knowing that life can be crap and reckless.

I’ve moved around my whole life and had more then ten different jobs. I am  like a sailboat pulling anchor during every storm, constantly aching to be brought back to home port, to her mooring.  But I  never left my anchor down for long.  Then I got brought onshore and hauled about a hundred kilometres inland up North, where for years I was that little sailboat, born at sea, meant to be afloat, living on hot, dry land and surrounded by trees.  Instead of sea lavender and gulls. But I digress. Also women went topless at the local pool – that was a plus.  Eventually, after a decade, life is not that bad here and we have to hope for a buyer of our property, even with my soul moored close to an island off the coast of Holland, someplace like that could actually become home at least to part of me. If I only could afford it, I did not become rich. I even fail to make money on this blog, but who cares it is a nice hobby.

Letting go has happened without my knowing it, over the past 25 years – school, college, friends and loves, sleeping on park benches and being pissed like monkeys, sleeping in the funniest places as every corner of the country had to be seen and rolled by when we looked out the windows of our car.  Flexible careers, partner, childbirth, children, big mistakes, redemption, healing that happened when I wasn’t looking.

Here in Lippenhuizen, I’ve delighted in the springtime crocuses and daffodils, the miracle of ice coating and sparkling every branch and twig, fall colors, certain songbirds, things I left behind and yearned for that South east Friesland has in common with South west Friesland.  And I’ve discovered that there are things to love that are, for me, particular to this place.

In this neighborhood people or more orientated on their own families. And I have been married for years to a community-oriented culture where family comes before individualism. I was used to people that simply walked in for a cup of coffee or tea or a neighbor that wanted to borrow a few tools. That is not what you will find here. Yes we are living in a wonderful new house with enough room, in a beautiful neighborhood – and being able to stay here, not because we’re making a crapload of money, but because good housing here is working-class affordable. 

My parents did hardly fight at least not when I was around. When I was twentytwo and I left the country my mum was sad but hoped I would find a better life, eventhough most of my funny plans ended into faillure and since then, any happiness I’ve felt has tugged on a deeply entrenched sense of loss as old as my soul. On a deep level, for me, Home, happiness, can only be visited.  Every other weekend, and my dear father will be there, and will now belong to our kids. Eventhough he is getting more fragile he is still enjoying the kids to be around. He is getting quickly tired so we do not make it too long when we are there. But our kids love to go to grandad in Langweer and that is the best feeling you can get as a parent.

Here’s what’s going to happen. When this place gets sold, along with the grief, I’ll feel like something inside me has been set free. In fact, I’m already feeling that old barnacle-covered mooring tugging up, inch by inch, with each day that I further process the transformations that are happening in my family. Remember, about the marker buoys: Right Red Returning, and stay out of Hellgate in your small boat. Look for the phosporescent creatures that sparkle like underwater galaxies on black nights at full tide.  Maybe you’ll find a squid after a good storm.  Or a message in a bottle – maybe mine, finally come home after many years at sea.

If you gaze at the stars and your boat rocks on the waves, you will hopefully think of me being out there on the pitch black sea.

The Old Sailor,

The dream

Dear Bloggers,

First of all happy 2012 to you all that read my blog, I went to bed early last night around 2 o'clock because I’ve been down with a nasty bug the last few days of 2011. I snuggled down into my covers with pillows surrounding me and fell into blessed sleep. I woke at 7 AM this needing more cough medicine and another slathering of Vicks. To man of my age the flu is a near death experience. After having had 5 hours of sleep already, it was tough to fall back into that comfortable oblivion. I finally made it around nine in the morning and had the following dream….

I walk up the steps of a house that we have checked out on the internet and it was surrounded by snow, the doorpost lit with Christmas lights and the livingroom window decorated with a lovely garland, a rocking chair with red cushions, a rustic end table with an antique lantern and a pot of hot chocolate waiting for the tasting. After a few minutes of a gentle swing and the warmth of the tasty brew, I take my cup and head for the door. Damn it feels like home and hopefully it is a dream come true this time. As I very seldom can remember my awkward dreams.

Surprised and pleased I open the door to a spacious room with a cheerful fire dancing in the hearth. Every bit of the house is decorated with lovely decorations and fresh sprigs of evergreen and holly. The kitchen sits at one end of the house, a succulent meal waiting in the oven, home baked cookies and candies fill a tiered tray and fresh coffee brews on the counter. Inspecting the contents of the refrigerator and cupboards, I see that nothing has been overlooked. There is food aplenty for breakfast, lunch and dinner with snacks to enjoy between. Yes I dream about food and that is though being on a strict diet of low carbs.

Exploring the living room I find a shelf filled with books to my liking and a cozy throw and pillows on a comfy chair by the fire. Next to the chair is a basket with wood and fire place tools hooks, to poke up the fire on the table has a drawing tablet and all the essentials to create with. To the side of the room sits a desk filled with a laptop and supplies for writing on paper the old fashioned way. A camera patiently wait for my use. An entertainment center holds a television, DVD player, stereo, DVDs and CDs for my enjoyment.

I climb up a spiral staircase to an open loft above to find a large bed with a dark but warm blanket, a couple of pillows in different shapes and sizes and a bed-stand with a laptop and a spot to hold a coffeepot and cup for my nights of snuggling in and writing. The bathroom sits to one side of the loft and houses a great shower only

.

I am charmed and somewhat giddy over the idea that I have this lovely piece of heaven to myself. I reach for my cellphone to call my family to thank them for this gift and find that I haven’t brought my phone with me. Panic hits me where is my family? And how can I reach them? I open the computer to log on to facebook to at least contact my wife, only to find that facebook and email is not allowed. I am able to browse the internet, but there will be no contact with the outside world for these two weeks.

My heart begins to ache. I’d rather share this place with the ones I love. How can I spend Christmas alone in the perfect place, perfectly decorated and saturated with the things I love if the people I love aren’t with me? I try to enjoy the amenities of this wondrous place but find I fall deeper into despair. I want to leave but have no idea how I’ve arrived. Can I find a way home before Christmas arrives to spend that blessed holiday with those I hold dear?

In the living room, a mysterious door appears and I cautiously open it to inspect the contents. It is a hallway that leads to room after room of beds, bathrooms, a playroom. My heart aches even more at the emptiness I find. I wander back to the living room and sit on the floor before the fire, feeling sorry for myself and sorry for those I’ve left behind. Is this the future did I do something stupid or what. Panic strikes me again.

Steps on the path drag my eyes away from the fire. The door opens and through my tears I see the faces of those I love file into the cozy house.

I woke at that point to the sound of my wife placing our daughter into our bed before she would wake up the rest of the family who had a long night last night.

I am fully awake in my own home filled with love, mess and crappy decorations. Still achy and sick from the flu, but so much happier than I could ever be in this perfect little house with all the perfect decorations and amenities. Without those people who make life beautiful for me the perfection of that place would feel beyond empty, barren.

This kind of emotions probably run through my brain due to the things that are happening in our neighborhood at the moment. two couples have been broken up due to adultery and they have been good friends for many years. But if one starts doing the other it soon becomes a life soap opera affecting most painfully the "innocent" partners and specially the poor little kids. How can people that stupid. Again this morning hell broke loose.

It must be hard that you are left with a broken heart and broken future dreams. But I wander always did the victims not give enough to their own partners or is it the adventure to have sex with a familiar "stranger"? Don't they realize that they will ruin their kids lives as much as their own. It is pretty hectic for a sleepy village like this. And it has been going on for a few years. It was found out by a extreme high cell phone bill. Silly how all of sudden things can turn.

Think before you do and still do many other things impulsive.

The Old Sailor,