Down memory lane with funny feelings

Dear Bloggers,

The new year just has started and nothing really has changed, our house is still for sale and I am still married to the the same women that I have met nineteen years ago. My god I am getting old as I talk about my yesteryears. Yes I have f***ked up life pretty much but who cares I was happy. I was doing all kinds of things as I was smoking, drinking and all kinds of other things when I was a youngster, I tried my luck Down Under but came back broke and disappointed as a recession broke out. And my job came to an end.

I am going to have some funny feelings now.  Somehow I am embarrassed at how often in the past I have publicly posted about my deepest desires, thoughts, emotions, confessions, bowel movements and my good old days at sea.  So if you’re somebody who doesn’t want to hear about Old Sailors past trauma, you may now run away. Strange how all of a sudden these memories can jump up and swing you back to your “good old days.”

Let us begin with my teenage years. As we needed to pick up someone from the ferry we past a farm and that is not that strange in the North as we are the dairy part of the country. Close to the island up the coast of Holland there was an old farm; there were outbuildings, a woodshed, a barn, fields, and a beautiful salt cove that leads out onto the bay. Every single room and outbuilding and crawl space on that approx 80 acres of grass fields, and every dark saltwater inlet haven, is filled with memories, just how it should be with an old house. These are some of the only really good memories I have of my childhood. I only know what it feels like to be truly, deeply carefree and happy, because I remember a time when I lived together with my brother and sisters on my parents ponyfarm and was surrounded by love.

I had a great youth but also some rough times as a kid. But there were more happy than sad moments in my life eventhough there was nothing really challenging in the little village where I was born and raised, I left home at twentytwo and moved halfway across the globe to figure out who I was outside of that place. For me home is both a precious gem and a bed of quicksand. After I came back and brushed my old life again, I met a girl but my dreams were still wild and i started sailing. I left her behind to start a different adventure again to work as a bartender on a cruiseship. Although the job was good the money was ok, I got for the second time in my life homesick. Then life is really getting painful. When I had been gone long enough, I figured out that I could someday go back and reconcile with Home, really face my past and maybe let some things go, but I never did.

Until one day my mum and dad sold the house and later also the ponyfarm. It was time for them to retire and enjoy their own lives as they were giving many kids a second home at the farm. I actually lived in a live childrensbook story and that was kind of strange but on the other hand so familiar, it felt like having some extra brothers and sisters. All of a sudden the so well known place was belonging to someone else.

A couple of years later my mum past away although my dad is still around, he is getting really old and more and more fragile. Together with my sisters and brother he is the last one that know that little boy from those past years. Even when I grew up now and saw a lot of things in my turbulent life, I probably might have hurt a couple of persons feelings but that is because I can be pretty straight forward knowing that life can be crap and reckless.

I’ve moved around my whole life and had more then ten different jobs. I am  like a sailboat pulling anchor during every storm, constantly aching to be brought back to home port, to her mooring.  But I  never left my anchor down for long.  Then I got brought onshore and hauled about a hundred kilometres inland up North, where for years I was that little sailboat, born at sea, meant to be afloat, living on hot, dry land and surrounded by trees.  Instead of sea lavender and gulls. But I digress. Also women went topless at the local pool – that was a plus.  Eventually, after a decade, life is not that bad here and we have to hope for a buyer of our property, even with my soul moored close to an island off the coast of Holland, someplace like that could actually become home at least to part of me. If I only could afford it, I did not become rich. I even fail to make money on this blog, but who cares it is a nice hobby.

Letting go has happened without my knowing it, over the past 25 years – school, college, friends and loves, sleeping on park benches and being pissed like monkeys, sleeping in the funniest places as every corner of the country had to be seen and rolled by when we looked out the windows of our car.  Flexible careers, partner, childbirth, children, big mistakes, redemption, healing that happened when I wasn’t looking.

Here in Lippenhuizen, I’ve delighted in the springtime crocuses and daffodils, the miracle of ice coating and sparkling every branch and twig, fall colors, certain songbirds, things I left behind and yearned for that South east Friesland has in common with South west Friesland.  And I’ve discovered that there are things to love that are, for me, particular to this place.

In this neighborhood people or more orientated on their own families. And I have been married for years to a community-oriented culture where family comes before individualism. I was used to people that simply walked in for a cup of coffee or tea or a neighbor that wanted to borrow a few tools. That is not what you will find here. Yes we are living in a wonderful new house with enough room, in a beautiful neighborhood – and being able to stay here, not because we’re making a crapload of money, but because good housing here is working-class affordable. 

My parents did hardly fight at least not when I was around. When I was twentytwo and I left the country my mum was sad but hoped I would find a better life, eventhough most of my funny plans ended into faillure and since then, any happiness I’ve felt has tugged on a deeply entrenched sense of loss as old as my soul. On a deep level, for me, Home, happiness, can only be visited.  Every other weekend, and my dear father will be there, and will now belong to our kids. Eventhough he is getting more fragile he is still enjoying the kids to be around. He is getting quickly tired so we do not make it too long when we are there. But our kids love to go to grandad in Langweer and that is the best feeling you can get as a parent.

Here’s what’s going to happen. When this place gets sold, along with the grief, I’ll feel like something inside me has been set free. In fact, I’m already feeling that old barnacle-covered mooring tugging up, inch by inch, with each day that I further process the transformations that are happening in my family. Remember, about the marker buoys: Right Red Returning, and stay out of Hellgate in your small boat. Look for the phosporescent creatures that sparkle like underwater galaxies on black nights at full tide.  Maybe you’ll find a squid after a good storm.  Or a message in a bottle – maybe mine, finally come home after many years at sea.

If you gaze at the stars and your boat rocks on the waves, you will hopefully think of me being out there on the pitch black sea.

The Old Sailor,

The dream

Dear Bloggers,

First of all happy 2012 to you all that read my blog, I went to bed early last night around 2 o'clock because I’ve been down with a nasty bug the last few days of 2011. I snuggled down into my covers with pillows surrounding me and fell into blessed sleep. I woke at 7 AM this needing more cough medicine and another slathering of Vicks. To man of my age the flu is a near death experience. After having had 5 hours of sleep already, it was tough to fall back into that comfortable oblivion. I finally made it around nine in the morning and had the following dream….

I walk up the steps of a house that we have checked out on the internet and it was surrounded by snow, the doorpost lit with Christmas lights and the livingroom window decorated with a lovely garland, a rocking chair with red cushions, a rustic end table with an antique lantern and a pot of hot chocolate waiting for the tasting. After a few minutes of a gentle swing and the warmth of the tasty brew, I take my cup and head for the door. Damn it feels like home and hopefully it is a dream come true this time. As I very seldom can remember my awkward dreams.

Surprised and pleased I open the door to a spacious room with a cheerful fire dancing in the hearth. Every bit of the house is decorated with lovely decorations and fresh sprigs of evergreen and holly. The kitchen sits at one end of the house, a succulent meal waiting in the oven, home baked cookies and candies fill a tiered tray and fresh coffee brews on the counter. Inspecting the contents of the refrigerator and cupboards, I see that nothing has been overlooked. There is food aplenty for breakfast, lunch and dinner with snacks to enjoy between. Yes I dream about food and that is though being on a strict diet of low carbs.

Exploring the living room I find a shelf filled with books to my liking and a cozy throw and pillows on a comfy chair by the fire. Next to the chair is a basket with wood and fire place tools hooks, to poke up the fire on the table has a drawing tablet and all the essentials to create with. To the side of the room sits a desk filled with a laptop and supplies for writing on paper the old fashioned way. A camera patiently wait for my use. An entertainment center holds a television, DVD player, stereo, DVDs and CDs for my enjoyment.

I climb up a spiral staircase to an open loft above to find a large bed with a dark but warm blanket, a couple of pillows in different shapes and sizes and a bed-stand with a laptop and a spot to hold a coffeepot and cup for my nights of snuggling in and writing. The bathroom sits to one side of the loft and houses a great shower only

.

I am charmed and somewhat giddy over the idea that I have this lovely piece of heaven to myself. I reach for my cellphone to call my family to thank them for this gift and find that I haven’t brought my phone with me. Panic hits me where is my family? And how can I reach them? I open the computer to log on to facebook to at least contact my wife, only to find that facebook and email is not allowed. I am able to browse the internet, but there will be no contact with the outside world for these two weeks.

My heart begins to ache. I’d rather share this place with the ones I love. How can I spend Christmas alone in the perfect place, perfectly decorated and saturated with the things I love if the people I love aren’t with me? I try to enjoy the amenities of this wondrous place but find I fall deeper into despair. I want to leave but have no idea how I’ve arrived. Can I find a way home before Christmas arrives to spend that blessed holiday with those I hold dear?

In the living room, a mysterious door appears and I cautiously open it to inspect the contents. It is a hallway that leads to room after room of beds, bathrooms, a playroom. My heart aches even more at the emptiness I find. I wander back to the living room and sit on the floor before the fire, feeling sorry for myself and sorry for those I’ve left behind. Is this the future did I do something stupid or what. Panic strikes me again.

Steps on the path drag my eyes away from the fire. The door opens and through my tears I see the faces of those I love file into the cozy house.

I woke at that point to the sound of my wife placing our daughter into our bed before she would wake up the rest of the family who had a long night last night.

I am fully awake in my own home filled with love, mess and crappy decorations. Still achy and sick from the flu, but so much happier than I could ever be in this perfect little house with all the perfect decorations and amenities. Without those people who make life beautiful for me the perfection of that place would feel beyond empty, barren.

This kind of emotions probably run through my brain due to the things that are happening in our neighborhood at the moment. two couples have been broken up due to adultery and they have been good friends for many years. But if one starts doing the other it soon becomes a life soap opera affecting most painfully the "innocent" partners and specially the poor little kids. How can people that stupid. Again this morning hell broke loose.

It must be hard that you are left with a broken heart and broken future dreams. But I wander always did the victims not give enough to their own partners or is it the adventure to have sex with a familiar "stranger"? Don't they realize that they will ruin their kids lives as much as their own. It is pretty hectic for a sleepy village like this. And it has been going on for a few years. It was found out by a extreme high cell phone bill. Silly how all of sudden things can turn.

Think before you do and still do many other things impulsive.

The Old Sailor,

This one is for mama

Dear Bloggers,

Today I will link my blog to the action of the Dutch radiostation 3FM and the Red Cross.

Timur Perlin, Gerard Ekdom and Coen Swijnenberg

3 Radio jocks lock themselves in a glass house for six nights and days and make non stop radio and out of solidarity they will not eat for six days as well. During these days the try to gather money for the good cause.

Serious Request gives me always the ultimate Christmas feeling. Yes, and what it is ... Indeed I think, a kind of typical Dutch solidarity cosiness (in a positive way of course) is also always there. All together for a good cause. Yes, that is something that I find beautiful. And not only because it is for a good cause but also because I think it's a lot of people really getting a warm feeling that they do something good and it brings us closer together.

When it would be close to my village, I would take a look several times. The last couple of years I thought it was still a little too far. I look and listen a lot via the internet and view the evening often equally to the summary. Furthermore I can watch all day if don’t need to work as I have interactive tv now with 101tv on it.

I'm still in two minds about that song I want to request, perhaps multiple ... I am not the richest but for a couple of euros you might save an other mother and child. My mom already left us but in her name I will request both songs. Every day fighting against the wounds and scars that were left by a war can link to questions, that seems to me very important to do well in your own little way

Check out the websites to request your favourite song, donate money or order something from the webshop or do a bid on the auction. Here they come http://seriousrequest.3fm.nl/ or http://www.3fm.nl/home

Have a Merry Christmas and a Good Newyear

The Old Sailor,

Our Christmas Survival

Dear Bloggers,

This Christmas, I am sidestepping as host in my kitchen and moving over to give my oldest daughter the honors of putting together her now very famous Tomato and Mushroom Soup! Being the good sport that I am, I will graciously surrender our kitchen and temporarily relinquish my right as Head Chef in my home, for one night only. Mmuahhhhhh! It’s my kitchen and I’ll cry if I want to. But together we will make the main course and I will make dessert, and no-one is going to stop me. (Not because of her skills in cooking, but timing is tough for a 12 year old girl) So there!

My daughter has become a great cook in her own right. But she has now also become my unwilling rival (I’m smiling here with oozing pride!). I learn her as much as I can although I am not the greatest cook ever. Mom is teaching her also a couple of usefull skills and at school she is enjoying the cooking lessons as well. The other family members made the ’ request, that, my daughter will make their favorite soup on Christmas dinner for the whole family and a dish that clearly only she knows how to make best. Her Fantasy Soup, thus far, is supreme, unbeatable—even restaurants we’ve sampled have yet to compare. And I am not just blowing a lot of hot air here either; this is seriously good slurping!

The flavor she provokes from this one-pot liquid wonder is, to quote Granddad, And I am NOT allowed in the kitchen while she is cooking. I am not allowed even a glimpse of how she puts together this liquid gold. Only things I am allowed to do is cutting tomatos and mushrooms. I really enjoy to cook together with her as she is as disorganized as myself. The kitchen looks like battlefield but together we have a big laugh and satisfied customers.

So I was concerned there would be much disappointment and even rioting from our clan that will be gathering for Christmas dinner, expecting a roast, our usual yearly Christmas fare. Things have changed diet wise and the others don’t want to cook. But disappointment came only from the pure carnivores in the family – only one. When we explained the menu it was not so bad and there is at least chicken or turkey on it. But that will hold for Christmas only.

So now I sit here contemplating on what will make the perfect ending to a most exquisite savory Tomato and Mushroom Soup. Hmm....... delicious!

Have a Merry Christmas and enjoy the small things in live.

The Old Sailor,

Chaos in the house

Dear Bloggers,


It’s been a busy month at our house. The main event during this hectic month that just passed is my youngest daughter’s got her second swimming diploma. We’ve been celebrating since last month when she received her diploma and in the mean time Sinterklaas had arrived. Follow that with all the end of the year events for two daughters and a wife and you can see how hectic things have been around our house. It’s a good kind of chaos though, one that I’m sure I am not the only parent to welcome.

Now, it’s on to christmas and new year! The weather has got worse. Raining, hailstones and stormy nights, actually, as we seem to be kicking off winter with a vengeance and we just about bypassed autumn altogether. We hadn’t done much with the garden this year. It’s looking a bit overgrown and neglected. What you see growing there right now is grass. They just came up on their own without any effort on our part. Not too bad, I’ve still been able to mow the lawn in November Maybe when I get finished with my projects we can finally get our garden together again. But for now, the randomness is fine. Anyway the place is still for sale.

My backyard has been in chaos since early spring as we have been again reorganizing and restructuring the backyard. One of my major projects was building a new roof on the storage house and getting rid of the old roofing that has been blown away in the last storm. I am doing all this on my own and I yes this is one of the times that I wish I would’ve had a son to help me to do the ‘man’ jobs. Don’t get me wrong here, as I am proud of my princesses and they are great helps. I think that I do a great job though, albeit slow since I also have to work in my paying job in between. No matter, I enjoy seeing the changes that I am making.

For one, I like the way the shed looks after I put the new roofing on, especially when the sun is just rising in the morning. When I look over the backyard from the bedroom of my daughter and overthink my situation.

When I have my morning coffee and look up just as the sun hits the kitchen window just right, I can see the light that soon lights up my backyard will be back in order again in a few months. Just as life, I know all the hectic activities swirling around us right now will also soon stop and I will be missing this time as I sit quietly and in peace in the backyard, watching the birds looking for food and checking out the new birdfeeding house. A quick peak and then they fly away. I will be missing the chaos because that’s just the way life is. You always want more of what you don’t have right now.

Just a few days more to overcome and christmas is on our doorstep again from that point we will enter the next year. Soon the time comes that the first one will fly out and will make her own nest. Yes, time flies when your having fun. All of a sudden I am realizing that we are getting the elder working generation. I hope everyone will have a nice chaotic and hectic time if you are celebrating christmas.

The Old Sailor,

Sweet times are here, Holidaytime as a Diabetic

Dear Bloggers,

As we all know the hard times are coming if you’re loving the sweet life. The candy that we got for Saint Martin (Same kind of thing as Halloween.) and now Sinterklaas is in the country and he is bringing sweets and chocolate. Next things in line are Christmas and New Year. Huge eating, drinking and social snacking events. I can only call it hell on earth if you need to loose weight, count calories and eat a lot of low carbs, veggies and fibres.

For diabetics, the holiday season is filled with temptations. Candy is everywhere. Your well-meaning co-workers bring in plates of cookies, chocolates and other thickmaking happy food made of sugar that taunt you from the break room. You've got invitations to partys where it seems like the foods were chosen by people that either try to test your will or hope that you will have regrets.

But before you decide to give everyone a piece of coal or a chunk of carrot and hibernate through the holidays, you should know that being diabetic doesn't mean you have to give up your favorite seasonal foods. But of course you can do something different with your old habits by simply changing some ingredients.

What About Other Holiday Food?

Holiday Appetizers:

·        Substitute low-fat or fat-free versions of mayonnaise, yogurt and sour cream to make dips.

·        Serve plenty of raw vegetables to accompany your dips.

·        Make for example a fresh salsa and serve with home-baked tortilla chips.

·        Use fat-free cream cheese and lean cuts of turkey or ham in pinwheels and roll-ups.

·        In soups, use fat-free and low sodium broths as your base. Use pureed root vegetables or beans to thicken them instead of cream.

Holiday Dinner:

·        Serve lean cuts of meat, such as pork or beef tenderloin. If a ham is your centerpiece, be sure to trim the fat. And if turkey is making a comeback at your table, remove the skin and choose white meat over dark if you can.

·        Provide plenty of vegetables. Steam, braise or roast them. Glaze with a very small amount of butter if you like, or use broth and herbs for flavor instead. If you are serving mashed potatoes, substitute reduced-fat or fat-free sour cream or half and half for the full-fat versions.

Holiday Desserts:

·        If you are serving a holiday pie, consider using phyllo dough as a base or topping. Phyllo dough is light and flaky, and virtually fat free. Enjoy fruit cobblers or crisps with less butter and use oats for added fiber. Top with fat-free whip or low fat frozen yogurt instead of ice cream or heavy cream.

·        Use reduced-fat and fat-free cream cheeses for cheesecakes

·        Serve poached or baked seasonal fruits such as apples or pears, again topping with low-fat or fat-free frozen yogurt or whip.

These are just a few ideas about how to reduce fat in your Christmas feast.

Joining in the Fun

Although sweets are often considered a diabetic's worst enemy, managing diabetes is more complicated than simply avoiding sugar. For instanace, other carbohydrates -- like a serving of mashed potatoes -- can cause a surge in blood sugar just like a candy bar. It's the total number of carbohydrates that counts and not the form you're eating them in. Fat, which abounds in holiday cooking, should also be kept to a minimum.

So what should you be eating during the holidays? "As at any time of the year, you should be eating a healthy, balanced diet low in saturated fat," And of course that you should be getting a good amount of fiber and complex carbohydrates. Easier said than done, I can imagine that it is hard to change your ways.

This can be pretty tricky during the holidays. But there is no need to eliminate foods, since a good meal plan balances different types of foods and outlaws none.

Planning Ahead

While the holidays are a time when you have less control over what food is put in front of you, you've still got control over what you actually choose to eat. Don't allow the usual high-fat and high-sugar holiday party fare to take you by surprise. If you're going to a party or a holiday meal, go prepared.

·        Know your own limits. "Every diabetic is different," and that is the tricky part, "and you need to figure out the balance of different foods that will work for you." Although counting grams every day may be difficult, you should have a general sense of what combinations of carbohydrates, fats, and fiber will work.

·        Try to anticipate the kind of food that you'll encounter at a party. For instance, if you know that your mom is making a favorite pie for dessert, plan your meals and medication during the day accordingly so that you can have a slice. You don't have to deny yourself if you think ahead.

·        If you're really concerned that there won't be food at a party that you can eat, consider eating a snack beforehand.

·        Another good alternative is to bring a dish with you that you know you can eat. Given that there are many diabetics in our society, there are a number of recipes and cookbooks for people with diabetes. In general, consider reducing sugar or using a sugar replacement in sweets and use pureed fruit as a substitute for fat in baked goods. Your host will surely appreciate the gesture, and you'll be able to relax knowing that you won't go hungry.

Sensible Enjoying the Holidays

Once you're at a holiday meal or party, overeating is pretty easy to do, especially since the rest of the guests are often overindulging. However, you are the one in charge and you shouldn't let yourself lose control.

Beware of what you can call "unconscious eating," the tendency we all have to absent-mindedly take a cookie or a piece of candy from a dish as we pass by. A little here and there can add up quickly. (in my case nearly 130 kilograms.

Say "no" to seconds, and pay attention to the details. "Remember, you can control how much gravy someone's putting on your plate, or whether you're getting turkey skin or not."

Avoid or limit alcohol. In addition to raising your blood sugar, yhe most difficult part for me, as alcohol can interact with diabetes medications.

Test yourself. "If ever there is a time to be religious about taking your blood sugars, it's during the holidays." Because you may be eating more and eating foods that you don't normally have, it's especially important to keep track of your levels.

For a lot of people during the holidays, lounging in front of a gameshow or a good movie on TV is about as close as they get to physical fitness. That's not good for anyone, and it's especially bad for diabetics. I suggest making exercise social during the holidays. "Grab your favorite familymember or a friend and go out for a walk," it is relaxing and "It's a great way to catch up." Or what about a game of bowling or games at home on the games machine that you might have.

Mistakes happen, and you may wind up eating in a way that you shouldn't. But don't let one instance of overeating cause you to give up and indulge in a lost weekend of excess. If you've fallen off the wagon, you've just got to pick yourself up quickly and get back to your plan.

Sticking to the Plan

Staying in control may be difficult and exhausting during the holidays, especially when no one else is. Holidays are trying times for many, and the extra hassle of having to always be so careful about what you eat may get you down, or make you feel cut off from others. However, using some of the tips above will help you enjoy the holidays along with everyone else.

In addition, it's worth remembering that the consequences of going off your meal plan are often not only long-term, but immediate. "When diabetics are off their program, whether their blood sugar is up or down, they know it. They feel sick."

So even though planning ahead may sometimes be a chore, having a healthy holiday is the best way to assure a festive one.

I hope this might be some good ideas for the days to come.

The Old Sailor,

On the way of finding peace within

Dear Bloggers,


This week I went to a fysiotherapist that is booking good results with learning fibromyalgia patients a different way of live and an other way of breathing. The so called breathing from within. I have trouble to believe in these kind of health guru’s but this time this rather normal looking therapist got my attention and told me a few things that could be right. As I am believer of practising breathing techniques from the Chi that I learned during my army days. (nearly 100 years ago, when ships were still made of wood.) These are still basic needs for a guy like me that starts every morning with pain but does not want to complain. Time to find peace within yourself.

Every person has a fibromyalgia thermometer

Knowing how to find peace in your life doesn’t need to be difficult, in fact if we can simply align ourselves with the present moment and enjoy what we do, then peace is sure to follow. This sounds easier than it is. The reality is that our minds have a way of always desiring new things and always getting lost in negative thinking patterns whether they be of the past or future. There is also the nature of desiring fulfilment in some future moment, external achievement or outcome. By desiring to achieve something externally we create and inner imbalance. Instead wouldn’t it be better to focus our energy on attaining inner peace and happiness which is what creates a blissful life? This is not to say that we should give up on our dreams, but instead to create balance within, so we can truly realise our dreams. If we can shake off those negative thinking patterns and align our energy with what we truly want in life, then soon enough our dreams will become reality.

In order to create balance in this area of your life, you have to use the energy of your thoughts to harmonize with what you desire. Your mental energy attracts what you think about. Thoughts that pay homage to frustration will attract frustration. When you say or think anything resembling There’s nothing I can do; my life has spun out of control, and I’m trapped, that’s what you’ll attract—that is, resistance to your highest desires! Every thought of frustration is like purchasing a ticket for more frustration. Every thought that agrees that you’re stuck is asking the Universe to send you even more of that glue to keep you stuck. This video shows to me even if you are poor you can do something positive for others. Playing for Change does explain that we can also bring peace through music and enrich our live in a different way.

The single most important tool to being in balance is knowing that you and you alone are responsible for the imbalance between what you dream your life is meant to be, and the daily habits that drain life from that dream. You can create a new alignment with your mental energy and instruct the Universe to send opportunities to correct this imbalance. When you do so, you discover that while the world of reality has its limits, the world of your imagination is without boundaries. Out of this boundless imagination comes the seedling of a reality that’s been crying out to be restored to a balanced environment.

Restoring The Balance - The objective of this principle is to create a balance between dreams and habits. The least complicated way to begin is to recognize the signs of habitual ways of being, and then learn to shift your thinking to being in balance with your dreams. So what are your dreams? What is it that lives within you that’s never gone away? What inner night-light continues to glow, even if it’s only a glimmer, in your thoughts and dreams? Whatever it is, however absurd it may seem to others, if you want to restore the balance between your dreams and your habits, you need to make a shift in the energy that you’re contributing to your dreams. If you’re out of balance, it’s primarily because you’ve energetically allowed your habits to define your life. Those habits, and the consequences thereof, are the result of the energy you’ve given them.” -Excerpt from Being In Balance by Dr Wayne Dyer

And that is exactly what is wrong in my case. So it is time to turn the world upside down and inside out. There are only a few that can do all this on their own. Time to turn this energy switch and run on a smoother pattern.

To truly understand how to find peace in your life, you need to experience the beauty of stepping our of your negative habits or thinking patterns and enjoy the potential and bliss of the present moment. A great way to experience this is through meditation, yoga or practicing a new way of breathing and being completely present for a moment or two each day.

The Old Sailor,

Dear Bloggers,


Again a 44 year old guy that I knew died al of a sudden for no known reason. How bitter can life be in these moments you wonder if it is all worth it.
This is a tremendous load to carry for the ones that stay behind and have to go on with their lives. It is time to start living my dear friends and make something good out of it.

Sometimes you think: Does my life seem more difficult than it needs to be? It sucks when life is hard. It is so depressing and tiring.
You feel completely stuck and it is extremely difficult to figure out why.

You want to move on to better things, but somehow you keep bumping up against an invisible obstacle that holds you right where you are.
It can be frustrating and downright maddening.

Reasons why Your life Is hard

“It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you that you have to carry it.”

I understand just how upsetting it can be when you feel life is being hard on you.
That’s why I want to help you figure out what’s going on.

However, I need to tell you that it is going to take a little patience and open-mindedness on your part to solve this mystery.

You might read some things below that you don’t like at first.
In fact, if you start reading something that really bothers you, that’s probably what you need to hear the most.

Here are three reasons that your life may seem hard:

1. Arrogance

No one likes to be told they are arrogant. So, right from the start, I’m testing your willingness to really take an honest look at yourself and your attitudes.

Are you being stubborn? Sometimes we simply persist on a particular path when life is telling us to go another way.

Trying to swim against the current is difficult and it will make your life rocky. You may be too stubborn to admit a) you’ve been wrong, b) you need to change and c) this is the source of your trouble. This is arrogance, plain and simple.

I see this a lot around health issues. You may have a bad habit that is playing havoc with your health, but you don’t want to give it up. This makes your life hard, but you arrogantly persist. Eventually, this will get the better of you. One way or the other, if you ignore the warnings, you will pay and pay and pay. Often difficulties are simply life’s way of telling you that you need to change. Your life would be so much easier and enjoyable if you’d just listen to what it is trying to tell you. Humble yourself and listen. Then be willing to make some adjustments. You’ll be happy you did.

2. Inexperience

Life can sometimes seem much harder than it has to be simply due to inexperience.
You may be facing things you haven’t had to deal with before and that you lack preparation to handle.

This can certainly make life seem laborious and painful. When you lack experience with a particular matter, you also lack the skill, judgment and understanding that make things a whole lot easier to handle. This is no fault of yours, but the quicker you realize and admit that your inexperience is an issue, the faster you can fix it.

If you think your difficulties are due to inexperience, then there are a few ways that you can overcome this and make things easier on yourself.

Here are some ways I’ve dealt with difficulties due to inexperience in my own life:
Find a very targeted action plan to guide you – A prewritten plan from someone that’s successfully navigated the waters you’re in right now can be invaluable.

Find an experienced mentor for advice – A good mentor will have the experience you lack and be able to guide you through the trouble you are facing.

Find a book that will teach you what you need to know – There seems to be a book on practically every subject imaginable. Find one for your specific needs and educate yourself.

Just because you lack experience doesn’t mean that you have to wallow in it. Take the bull by the horns and get some help to ease the trouble you are facing. Things will smooth out once you do.

3. Pure Circumstances

I’ve lived long enough to know that occasionally, you just hit a rough patch in life that is purely circumstantial.

In other words, it is out of your control. You didn’t do anything to deserve what you are getting. God isn’t mad at you. You aren’t being punished.
You are just going through a tough time and sometimes when it rains, it pours. It is Murphy’s Law, “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.”

I’ve certainly had a few of these periods in my own life. They are tough, but you can live through it.

When circumstances aren’t going your way, you just have to do your best and keep yourself from slipping off the edge.

Remember the old adage, “What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.” Unfortunately, these spells can last awhile sometimes.

You just have to control what you can and deal with the rest.
I wished there was some better advice I had to offer, but once in awhile life gives you an endurance test. Your job is to weather the storm even if it is long and difficult.
The one encouraging thing I can tell you is that it will eventually end.

The sun will rise again. Trust me, better days are ahead for you if you just keep plugging along doing the best you can.

What Is Making Your Life Hard?

Okay, so did any of this help? Have you decided what is making your life hard?

Is it arrogance, inexperience or just plain old circumstances?

Figuring this out is the crucial first step toward making things better. Usually, just thinking about it in these ways helps. You are going to get through this and when you do, the happiness you experience will be that much sweeter.

Tell me about your difficulties in the comments section, I might have an answer or maybe not.
Often, writing out your troubles will help you organize your thoughts about them.
Plus, you might help someone else along the way.

The Old Sailor,

Did I fail in this life?

Dear Bloggers,


This week I have been transfered again to my old station and had to pick up on my knowledge again. In a way I feel happy on the other hand reality is that they could not find anyone else. I have at this moment the feeling that the things that happened in my life so far have only brought me more and more worries about the future. How do you know if your life is a failure or a success? Many queries are bubbling up in my brain, it is busy in there it’s like a real autmn storm in my little grey area.

Or, maybe instead, how do you know if your life is a success?

What are the criteria? Who gets to decide? Is your life a failure if you are send to prison? If your kids go to prison? Are you a failure if you don’t do what you want to do for a living? If you don’t do what are you supposed to do for a career? Or if you made once a mistake do you get the blame forever? Unless you are being protected by people on higher positions you might have a chance to make some mistakes.

When is it too late to fix it?

Considering that a life includes many stages and levels, maybe the answer is always subject to qualifications and/or temporary current circumstances. Maybe a person can always make amends and change. Or, maybe it is part of the human condition that we are always just a few degrees away from either success or failure…and the decisions we are always making are constantly swinging the pendulum back and forth.

The person that goes to prison can reform. The person responsible for a drunk driving accident can make amends. The person commiting adultery can quit. The person engaging in destructive behaviour towards other people can stop. It is a kind of nature that we are like wolves, if there is no strong pack leader the other ones might tear you apart.

Or, maybe they cannot?

Maybe the criteria are locked and fixed. Maybe the hands of fate don’t allow for a second and third chance. Maybe our flaws are too many to overcome. Maybe even those with apparent success are hiding significant faults.

Is it only at death that we are judged as good or bad, success or failure?

Decisions made years ago, and early in life, have a bearing on incidents that happen later in life. No one is ever truly able to escape their past. Decisions made at one point with the confidence of correctness can later be determined as incorrect. Time marches on. Nothing is ever over. Does this knowledge force us into a state of intellectual paralysis?

Does enlightenment occur from the knowledge of this pendulum of good versus evil and success versus failure? Maybe those that are aware of the precarious balance are thus successful as a result, while those who are oblivious are failing…will fail…can’t stop from failing.

You need to set some goals in this life. Altruism, kindness, generosity…those are universally recognizable and realistic goals. Those are goals that benefit both the individual and society as a whole. Pursuit and realization of those goals should probably allow a person to be considered as successful.

Failing to follow those guiding principles…well, failure is as failure does.

So, are we feeling sorry for those that don’t get it? Can we help those that choose to make mistakes? Can we look the other way while they fail? And, are we then also failures as long as there are those without the knowledge of this path to enlightenment…those who fail to see it…those who fail to do what is right…those who just fail? It’s a philosophical thing that keeps my mind running.

“You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.”

My thoughts might sound kind of negative somekind of dark and people may call me a doomthinker. I really wander how can I change things into better prospectives? I feel that I have failed on many things in my life. It has been a long time ago that i felt successful.

On the other hand i did do in a way quite well. But who am I kidding actually as the last few years everything went downwards. When I had to stop sailing my income fell with more than 40% in a year, I got a body to live in that only works on half power and is painful every day. Yes I became trapped in my future plans and there is no light that guides me to the end of the tunnel. Now I am renting myself out to get my hours filled as the holiday season is coming. For crying out loud no one cares about you or your feelings.

“It is no use lying to one’s self.”

I have trouble to stay positive in this jungle of emotions. Must I just stay positive when everything in life turns you down? I live in a house that is hardly sellable, a job with an uncertain future, I drive an old car which I cannot replace due to less and less work. My family suffers from it as well and everyone has it’s own needs. Are we slowly going our own way and what happened to the unity?

Honesty and the right action determines success…regardless of the endeavour…anything and everything short of that is failure.

The Old Sailor,

winter is on the way

Dear Bloggers,


This morning it was five o’clock to get up and get to work. As soon as I had my breakfast and rubbed the sleep out of my face, I open the curtains to few the world who looks brutal and dark at this time of day. When I walk to the car I feel the cold air tipping on my nose. It is a big difference to last week as temperatures have dropped to 6 degrees Celcius.


It’s getting cold. The nights are starting to draw in while the mornings seem to take forever to stir. I’m beginning to slow down, to curl up in bed for ‘just 10 more minutes’ in the mornings, to seek out sleep earlier in the evenings. I’m walking slowly, as my body is getting stiffer more painful again but surely this will be my first winter in a better shape than the last couple of years.

I’ve never found winter an easy season. Everything seems stark, minimal and asleep. My hands and feet wish to retreat into my body as they become freezing cold and numb. The layers I have to wear drive me nuts because I’m too hot inside and yet freezing outside. I feel constricted by all the clothes needed to keep me warm and I long for the days when I can slip on a pair of flip-flops, a pair of shorts and a t-shirt .



A week ago people hopped on the bus wearing t-shirts, summer dresses and shorts. Today I saw the first ones wearing gloves, hats, caps and scarfs. The air is cold and chilly and slowly night is turning into day. The hard blue sky is bautiful and explains the bittter cold breeze that hangs around. You can imagine that they were quite happy that I had turned on the heater in the bus. It is strange that in such a short period the leaves have turned colours and cold weather took position, weather men predict a cold and snowy winter. And that will spice up the job again as delays give trouble and I think that it is really funny.

For me, winter is all about slowing down, about stripping bare, going back to basics. It’s about inventing new ways of living a full life that focuses the majority of the time on indoor pursuits. It’s about connecting with friends and family, sharing the warmth of the holidays together. It’s about generosity with your neighbors, wishing each other well in this darker season. It’s about ruminating on the fact of life that everything one day will die.


We are still a good couple of months away from ice, winter woolies and the festive season, but already I’m preparing myself for the shifts my body and mind will need to take in the coming months. I want to take the next few months as an opportunity to reflect on my life thus far, to question ‘who I am’ right now and who I will be when this body also sheds its last leaf.

I want to take more time to sit, to question, to think about the circle of life, the parts of me that are dying in order for me to be reborn again next spring and who that makes ‘me’ when the old is perpetually falling away to make room for the new. It makes me sad as i realize how many people that have left us in the last couple of years. On the other hand I see my eldest daughter turning into a woman. Someday there will be the first love and a new circle begins.


I hope that the winter will not be to harsh and not to many snowdays as they only cost money. I start the car and drive into the darkness of the early morning with the radio playing softly and the heating is on full power. So, when I’m up in the dead black of the early morning and nothing is stirring, what will my first thoughts and actions be in that moment? Who will I choose to be when the world appears to be so still as if it’s not yet breathing? How will I make those moments count at a time when it’s much easier just to indulge in the warmth of my bed and my dreams?

The Old Sailor,