Food Fight in Supermarket

Dear Bloggers,

Hooray it's almost Christmas time and therefore a more elaborate dinner.
If I do go shopping it is obviously seriously crowded in the supermarket and the shop is well prepared for this extra busy days.
I quickly count about twelve young lads who are filling the shelfs.
But it is also logical because the last few days were related to the heaps of snow and not many people went shopping.
It was a tragedy at the car park because almost everyone is coming now with their car and the parking is not very well shoveled.

After twenty minutes I finally managed to secure a place eventhough another driver thought otherwise.
But when it comes to driving and I am sure that I am standing in my right, I'm too quick for them all.
The brutal party swears and grows behind the wheel and I wish him to have some joyfull days.
He tears away and nearly ramming an unsuspecting oncoming car.
I have doubts on the humanity and peace on earth feeling this year.
But time to move ahead and get a shopping cart.

In the shop you just slowly move yourself from A to B, not really my thing because I always shop with a purpose and now I know where to find everything here.
Well but then I have too take it easy today because winding yourself up it doesn't help at all.
If I drive into the isle with softdrinks and put my stuff in my cart, is the guy who fills up the drink being called by a colleague to come help him at the meat department because there are a couple of men fighting.

Astonished, I follow the two young comrades. As a former night watchman on a vessel you are in these situations ready to lend a hand if it might escalate, but when I arrive at the “crime scene” the situation is under control and the manager of the store is admonishing the two men.
This otherwise very friendly man speaks to the dumb duo.
But what exactly happened and what led to this absolutely senseless struggle?

Two men went to attack each other during an argument about a supermarket product that apparently was important for their Christmas dinner.
The bizarre battle took place in a supermarket nearby the village where we live.
A somewhat older man and a man in his forties both wanted the same article from the refrigerator shelf.
This led to a struggle that was getting ridiculous and was terminated when the older man gave the man of forty a punch in the face.
The man came to fall and was immediately absorbed by the massive group of shelf fillers and the manager. But the damage was already done as the older man has probably got a broken jaw and the man of forty a black eye, as they both have something to be proud on and a peaceful Christmas to accommodate.

And this time ode to the young people that very calm and strictly pulled the fighters apart.
The two bastards probably had to seek treatment for their minor injuries.
It surprised me very much that the Christmas emotions can run up so high on a piece of meat.
But as I am a creative “cook”and if I would run into something like this, then I have just bad luck and I will just make something else.

Well let's hope that it will be a peaceful Christmas and a peaceful New Year yet.
For even the newspaper, I am not getting happier because I read that a bus company that hires security guards to prevent cases that the drivers are being regularly robbed and attacked.
There are too many people who think you do not have to work for money and trying to get money this way.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

The Old Sailor,

Let it snow, let it snooooow.........

Dear Blogger,

Winter is finally here. So far we didn't have any snow and it hasn't been too cold, but in the last days of this year, Mother Nature saw fit to dump about 35-40cm of snow. Now it looks like Christmas.

All that snow made the roads truly awful. What makes them just worse is that a few hours ago we had a little bit of snow. That little bit melted just enough through the salt of the gritters, but there was not enough traffic to drive it in, so it made the roads glassy. So now we have thick, mushy pack of snow on top of a thin film of ice. This is where I'm glad that I own a “tank” for a car.

My lovely car is a big, four door, V40 Volvo that chews itself through the snow. It has this really neat feature called 'traction'. I am loving traction. Every time my car started to get stuck in a mound of snow or slip on the ice, the traction kicked in and I didn't get stuck or slide around. I could still feel my car slipping but mostly during a turn. The traction doesn't kick in if the tires are sliding sideways. But traction control combined with a heavy car and slow driving made things less scary. Except the people tailgating me. Seriously, use your brain and get off my butt in weather like this. The traffic was fully disrupted and nearly no busses were running. Also travellers by train got stuck as the tracks were frozen, hmmn why does our country get in trouble with a bit of snow. Is it that we are still not prepared on weather conditions like this? How do countries like Norway, Sweden and Finland with this as they have got every winter snow like this? I think it is time to invest in materials to concur the winter.

I did have to go out in the ick today, which is good. I am not nervous about driving in weather like this so the more practice I get when the roads aren't crowded the better I'll be. So today I learned again how to handle my car when it slides, how to rock my car to get unstuck, and how to brake in slippery stuff. My instructor taught me two things that helped immensely: the first is that if you start to get stuck, try not to stop your car. The more you stop to shift gears the more of a rut you will create. Keep slowly plowing away if you can to get the momentum going and you should be ok. Assuming you aren't stuck from sliding into a curb or something. The second is that when you brake, use a series of tiny taps to get your car to stop. No slamming on the brakes even with ABS. Lightly tap over and over quickly and your car will come to a stop without sliding. Assuming you are traveling below the speed limit, that is.

The dangerous part of it is that not all of us have the brains to take it easy, what actually surprised me that these huge trucks simply overtake you with a speed that I think is crazy. In the first few hours of the morning more then 25 trucks slid off the road. I guess that they are so stressed by their boss and their planner who does not care about the road conditions. According to the weather man there will be more snow coming and they keep on warning about slippery roads. Thank God it is nearly Christmas it might be a white one.

Thank you, and bless the inventors of traction control :)

The Old Sailor,

Twelve days until Christmas

Dear Bloggers,


It is twelve days before Christmas and maybe a good moment to write down some of my thoughts. Well, not because it's twelve days before Christmas, but it's a good moment! It's Saturday, and finally it is getting a bit cold outside and it is nice and toasty inside. The Christmas tree has been put up today and it gives that special atmosphere in the house.

So far I haven't mentioned anything about what I did for a living, so anyone visiting my blog would have no clue about who I am and whether anything I say here is relevant to anything. So to give you a clue - I'm Dutch, I live in small village in Friesland, The Netherlands; I worked for a company that provides a ferry service between The Netherlands and The United Kingdom and is headquartered in Copenhagen; my job was receptionist on board. Due to the fact that my body couldn't handle the long days anymore and gave up on me, I ended up being home. So I ought to know a bit about communicating which might well reflect itself in this blog as it develops.

But let's get back to thoughts of today. The Christmas shopping is all done, preparations for the holiday period are well underway, and my wife and family are happy. That's a good start. One of the great things about living in The Netherlands compared to the UK and USA is that Christmas is far less commercialized. Of course all the shops at this time are chock full of shoppers, but at least all that started in the beginning of this month, rather than in July or August. A more relaxed perspective. Here, the big day in December is the 5th when Sinterklaas and his helpers make their appearance and kids get their gifts. The importance of the 25th is far more religious than commercial. And that makes it a lot less stressful at least that is what I think.

This holiday season will give me a good opportunity to think about some things related to my status as I will be unemployed and I already started looking for a new job, I did re-school myself last summer for a new profession, I got all my driving licence and all other legal documents to be a bus driver. Until today I have not been successful to find a job although I applied for several vacancies. As there are not that many jobs here in the North and they can even pick from experienced people who are unemployed it is hard to get something.

There is no reason to let your head hang down as there will be coming better times. Although for me it is time to get a job and pick up my life again. I have been home long enough and I have been working always. Unfortunately I have to learn to do things step by step now and not as how I did it before just jump into a job and do it. I have always kept the thought that my limits are not my boundries. And I can tell you that it is more important to know yourself and know what you can then to know what you can not. All the things I want for the future became more and more important. My past was great, but there is no reason to look back all the time and muse about how great things were. No it is time to look straight forward and see how things are. So lots of work to do in thinking and making plenty of new plans for 2010.
 
 

The Old Sailor,

How do I not get the rainy day blues

Dear Bloggers,

If, like me, you are out of work, you might be feeling a bit lazy this week, and you are wondering why it’s harder to be motivated. Well the clocks have been turned back qiute q while ago, the evenings have been getting darker and colder, and daylight is not that much as it is raining nearly every day. I know it is not very attractive to go outside for a walk and it’s all too easy for the wintertime blues to set in.

Many people experience having less energy when the clocks go back; this is mainly due a decline in the feel-good hormone seratonin, which requires plenty of sunshine to keep it topped up, and that is why chocolate can be your best friend on miserable moments it contains a small amount seratonin and if your like me it might turn into brain fog and depression. I will not let this happen but also healthy people are at risk in this case. If you are being used to a stressful life, it might bring you down and hit you all of a sudden. There is a lot that you can do yourself by being positive and as active as possible.

Soon the hardest time of the year is knocking on our doors and a lot of people will suffer from buying christmas present stress. The big mistake they are making is that the gift has to be superb, at least that is what they think. If I need to get out and buy gifts, I will go with a budget and I buy things that are given by heart, instead of how popular these things are.

The good part of going shopping is that you can have your daily physical exercise and you are doing something usefull with your time. If you go to a shoppingmall the weather does not affect you at all. Although in most of the stores it is far too hot for this time of year.

If there is a dry moment in the day, you can go exercise such as biking it can actually stimulate production of seratonin and keep down the blues, if you can get up the and find the energy to do your workout in the first place.

This is where natural energy boosters can be useful. Sunlight is the most obvious one; walking to work, taking a stroll on your lunchbreak or moving your desk next to a large window all help you get your daily dose of super sunlight – the cheapest performance-enhancer available. For those who are unable to see daylight during the week (night workers for example) they should work under artificial daylight lamps or who have a weakness for gadgets, there are indoor therapy lamps available which claim to mimic the effect natural light has on maintaining seratonin levels to boost mood, productivity and energy levels.

Foods rich in tryptophan (a building block for seratonin production) can help balance mood and sleep patterns to prevent energy drops. Good sources in the diet include turkey meat, yoghurt, cottage cheese, oats, nuts and seeds, which are also good energy foods for athletics.
For a quick-fix against being washed out, ginger root has been shown to stimulate the brain and improve your energy levels, so making you more likely to get up and get the the motivation to get started. If that doesn’t kick you into action, nothing will!

The Old Sailor,

Staying active with FMS

Dear Bloggers,


Staying active when living with fibromyalgia is a necessary challenge. If you rest, you rust, like the old saying goes. And I think that's true when it comes to fibromyalgia. Something is off-the hook in our central nervous system, and that produces exagerrated responses to things that would otherwise not be painful to a person without fibromyalgia. Sometimes, there's nothing to respond to, the pain is just there and nobody knows how it was caused. Sitting still is the logical response, intelluctually speaking. If I just don't exercise, maybe I won't cause any pain and I'll feel better. But the exact opposite is true. If you do not stay active, you will be in even worse pain. Believe me, I have done both, and it's far better to stay active than it is to become immobilized. This following section is devoted to a once-active man with fibromyalgia who wanted to get back to his active live. Who is still active but may be having trouble modifying his lifestyle to accommodate fibromyalgia's impact.

Each fibromate has to learn his own energy “accounting system”. This will take a few weeks or months or even years for you to establish, but once it’s established it is possible to keep the balance stabilized, and even to make a deposit once in a while. I’m deliberately trying to explain it the easy way. But it’s very simple really, to understand it. Think of it as a cash drawer, or a jar of coins.

You have 24 hours, but less than 24 cents or Euros. Eight hours are devoted to sleep, so that leaves 16 waking hours, but less than 16 Euros/cents. Assuming you’re working full-time, that’s another eight hours, which will use up more than eight currency chips. Why will working eight hours use up more than eight chips? Because, with fibromyalgia any mental or physical exertion, and any work-related stress, uses energy faster than that expended by a person without fibromyalgia. And you still have to take a shower, get ready for work, take care of the kids, fit in some exercise, eat right, work on a hobby, grocery shop, clean, cook…

No longer can you “do it all” like you once could. Those days are gone. Give them a bittersweet goodbye, it’s time to style a new life. Grab hold of your new chapter, this is a positive change. Fibromyalgia is not a death sentence, it can be one of the most positive things that ever happened to you. It’s just possible that you are “doing too much”, and fibromyalgia has forced you to slow down. That’s what happened to me, and it’s one of the best things that’s ever happened in my life. So, please, don’t let it get you down. Learn to live with it, work with it and grab life with both hands and enjoy everything you can do. This is what life is about: Even it looks like a dead end street, but if you look right you will find the small alley in it for a new way into life. I truly believe fibromyalgia was a just certain sign to stop me from running all the time. Before I had fibromyalgia, I was running around, never tired, overmotivated, and hyperinspired. I was given the gift of an invisible illness that was incredibly hard to diagnose. So that I could share my experience with others and find out more and more about myself.

So, what needs an active man to do? Why because rest rusts, I need to stay active, of course! Everything in moderation, though. And I need to keep track of those pennies. It makes cents.

Just Say "No"
With just saying no, although it is not easy in the beginning you will keep better track of your energy.
The danger always is there and when you have a "good" day, you have to take extra care.
I’ve always admired a friend of mine who isn’t afraid to say no, and isn’t afraid to insist on what she wants. I would think to myself, “I want to be her.” We all need to learn to be true to ourselves and not be afraid of what people may think if we excuse ourselves as we know what we want and need. Most of us fibromyalgics are not that easy to live with. As we are not want to ask for help eventhough we need it. Smiling as we do not accept yet another “assignment” from a neighbor, friend, co-worker, relative who is laying the lazy speech on us. No, actually, it’s not fair, because I have a chronic, invisible illness. I’m sick every day of my life, every minute of every day. It’s just that the assigner of the project can’t see that, or maybe even doesn’t know.

Maybe it is better for me to learn what my friend does. Take an invisible, deep breath, sit or stand nice and tall, adjust your posture, make direct eye contact, and just say "No."

The Old Sailor,

In love

Dear Bloggers,

So far I am spared trom the swine flu. Some time ago I was infected with a virus and I stil suffer from it, it was appearing with light headed feelings including a ticklish belly (read: butterflies) and constant daydreaming. There are a number of adverse reactions: spontaneous gaiety, a hollow heart beaten, concentration problems and daydreaming.

Indeed, I am talking about the infamous love.

Love is just like any other virus almost always unexpected and unwanted. For example, if you're just recovering from a broken heart. Or when a long relationship a little on the daily grind begins to appear.
There is nothing we can do. It is best to accept that you are infected.

Love comes in different forms. The most devastating form characterized by a strange tickling sensation in the abdomen and an inexplicable attraction. The most extreme form is characterized by drooling, obsessive behavior and froth. Caution! If you start to tremble with excitement when you think of that person. This last form is really very dangerous. If you recognize this? Please contact as soon as possible your doctor.

Between these extreme variations are listed a variety of forms. Fortunately, the most violent form, but rare.
Infatuation can also start at the first stage and subsequently develop. I find myself already at an advanced stage.
And that it is nothing new but it already is happening for more than 16 years
If the love is mutual, this can result in true love. (This stage I have reached now.) If the love is only coming from yourself it can lead to a broken heart. (And now it will be difficult.) I have the impression that it is not always two-way and why? Has she no longer fear to lose me?

Love can be contagious! If the person is looked deep in the eye and sparks of fire would jump over, it might happen sometimes that sparks shoot back to you!
There is currently no known cure for love.

So especially enjoy your love. Laugh of the Mexican flu victims from being the whole day in bed with fever and cough, while you climb cheerfully out of bed and want to sing all day!
In short: At the first symptoms hump the object of your affection! A direct admit to in this case is the best medicine. I will do that as well. Also there has been done some scientific research.

The best way for women to have less stress is ... being happily married. Happily married couples as domestic work and care for the children are devided and will take the pressure off on womensshoulders. And less stress equals a better night's sleep.
The key is to stress hormone cortisol, released during a stressful period. morning cortisol level is high, and the level is going down slowly but surely during the day.

Women who can come home in a loving environment after work,can easier come to rest after work. Add to that a balanced distribution of responsibilities at home and it is clear that much stress is away. The key word is rather "good relationship" than married.
For women in bad relationships has not. After a busy day, they still have to start the household tasks and then there will be stress. Late at night they are still busy and when they go to bed, they are still worried. The result is that the stressed woman will ly awake and will suffer from sleep. Final conclusion is, therefore, help each other.

Tips
Take good care of your relationship. Make arrangements with your partner in connection with the household chores, the children ...
Talk to your partner enough about your relationship. If there is something on your mind, it is better to talk about rather than to gather up everything.

The Old Sailor,

Saint Nic is back in the country

Dear Bloggers,

The steamship was again recently reported in the Dutch waters.
And it would not be long before Saint Nicholas will again set foot in our little country.
This morning at 06:30 my youngest daughter was waking me up.
Asking if she could go downstairs to have breakfast.

I mumbled: “Yeah, yeah that's fine.” All of a sudden I realize that she is up so early because Saint Nicholas is arriving today.
She is of course afraid that she will mis it.
When I am coming downstairs the television is on and she is sitting in front of it.
I explain to her that we have plenty of time to eat breakfast as the live broadcast will start at noon.
She looks at me like I am a lunatic, but today I am saved by the morning news programme.
One of their subjects is as you can guess the arrival of Saint Nicholas in the Netherlands today.

It is not much that she is eating this morning, there are so many things going on in her head.
Finally the clock is telling the right time and the rest of the family got out of bed as well.
When the show starts they start with singing on of the typical Saint Nicholas songs and of course everyone is singing along, but it is not that loud yet.
Fully excited she is coming to me and says: Luckely the storm has not given too many problems, dad.
Earlier this week the television had a special report on the steamboat that they were in a very bad storm. (even some of the presents went overboard.)

As the hosts are suggesting to sing another song my kids are singing full power, the tension has made way for happines.
There is nothing nicer then seeing these little happy faces.
It is still a side to a lovely and very old tradition which fortunately has not lost to the ever-popular Santa Claus in other countries.
Yet as the Saint cannot run away no longer from the commercial part, but it's not as crazy as what they do in England or the United States for example.
In most shops there, you are bombarded with Christmas offers and a lot of you don't really need stuff.
There are even free bustrips organized for the older people to get them to the shops as they are a great target.
In itself there is nothing wrong with the fact of free transport for pensioners, but specially those people are very susceptible to the so-called bargains.

I come with some regularity in a mall.
And when I compare the goods with the prices elsewhere, I inwardly need to laugh.
As the bargains are not really bargains.
I think it is a nice time anyway, the dark evenings when you go shopping gifts have a certain mistical atmosphere.

Even that they are a bit afraid of the fact that they are coming at night to fill their shoe with a small gift or some chocolate.
Many parents have to lie to their kids again.

I played once the role of the holy man, and the funny thing is once all make up and accessories have been placed, the role of Saint Nicholas is born.
What I also found a very nice experience that is both large and small in his own way, the magic of this man is there again a great experience.
Cars that you come across full of adults, flashing its lights, and drive past you all happily waving to you.
This is pure encouragement to play this very special role in a hot suit with an awkward mustache and beard.
I think that he has still many years to visit our country and the tradition will be kept alive.
Allthough our little country is becoming more multicultural it is still a marvelous feast.



I hope that everyone will have a nice "Sinterklaasfeest" or Christmas, what ever it will be in your case make sure that the gifts are coming from the heart and not because of material matters.

The Old Sailor,

Kerstman VS. Sinterklaas vechten

Who is the good guy?
Saint Nicholas or Santa Claus

Sunday and having the blues

Dear Bloggers,

It's Sunday morning and the rest of the world is in a deep rest.

When I open the curtains it is foggy outside. if you can see 50 meter it is a lot.

I slander into the kitchen and spread a few pieces of bread and enjoy my simple breakfast.

The feeling comes over me, I slowly slip away into isolation.

I am feeling less and less at home in this village and this house.

The feeling of lonelyness crawls over me again.

I turn on the radio and pop music today can not tempt me, I change to a station with classical music.

I enjoy the serenity as nobody is around and I turn on the heating.

Yet I get the cold not out of my system.

I realize that I do not that much lately and I am not as positive as in previous years.

I desperately wander lazily and in deep thought through the house.
I decide to turn on the washingmachine to get the last bits of this weeks laundry.
I just think of the past and I'm sitting down in the pantry to watch the spinning machine.

Gently I dream away and I'm back in my youth, my childhood home.
I sit in front of the washing machine and the smell of fresh brewed coffee tickles my nose.
I wonder where my mind was wandering to in those days.
Did I dream of endless beautiful things? Or what if my thoughts were darker then?
I do not dare to tell you, and retrieval of this time is not possible, unfortunately.
I will not say that my childhood was great, but it was not bad as well.
I was lucky that I grew up in a warm nest.

O.k. my mother was usually at home and when you came home there was always tea or coffee.
Now all that became different.
I'm the only one here who drinks coffee in this house and in most cases, I make it myself.
I've tried everything but I prefer to drink ordinary filter.
The family home was sold and my father lives in a seniors home, my mother has lived here aswell for a while. Unfortunately, she was already called to meet by our Lord.
Suddenly I realize that life can be extremely erratic. Suddenly, things happen in your life that are irreversible. Thus every part of your life has a good and a bad side.
As you grow older there are more so called “bad” things on your path.
More often there will be people around you that disappear and you will lose them to Grim Reaper. Furthermore, your body and your mind and you are declining slowly.

Enjoying life has become different.

Previously I really enjoyed the bigger things like a holiday flight or a new volvo, now I enjoy the birds that feast on the fat globules in the birdhouse or the ducks in the pond nearby.

I note to myself that I'm satisfied quicker.

While I used to complete or fight myself to death for a better result, it is indifference or do I admit that my body is no longer capable to do this. Did the accepting of the new me start or am I starting to accept that I am aging?

I doubt the latter, though I must admit that I am not eighteen anymore, In my wanderings on the web I found the spoon theory and this shows marvelously how I feel, and what I can do, but that I should organize my time differently.

The lupus symptons are pretty similair to the fibromyalgia symptoms if it comes to pain, anxiety and being tired all the time.

The spoon theory

My best friend and I were in the diner, talking. As usual, it was very late and we were eating French fries with gravy. Like normal girls our age, we spent a lot of time in the diner while in college, and most of the time we spent talking about boys, music or trivial things, that seemed very important at the time. We never got serious about anything in particular and spent most of our time laughing.

As I went to take some of my medicine with a snack as I usually did, she watched me with an awkward kind of stare, instead of continuing the conversation. She then asked me out of the blue what it felt like to have Lupus and be sick. I was shocked not only because she asked the random question, but also because I assumed she knew all there was to know about Lupus. She came to doctors with me, she saw me walk with a cane, and throw up in the bathroom. She had seen me cry in pain, what else was there to know?

I started to ramble on about pills, and aches and pains, but she kept pursuing, and didn't seem satisfied with my answers. I was a little surprised as being my roommate in college and friend for years; I thought she already knew the medical definition of Lupus. Then she looked at me with a face every sick person knows well, the face of pure curiosity about something no one healthy can truly understand. She asked what it felt like, not physically, but what it felt like to be me, to be sick.

As I tried to gain my composure, I glanced around the table for help or guidance, or at least stall for time to think. I was trying to find the right words. How do I answer a question I never was able to answer for myself? How do I explain every detail of every day being effected, and give the emotions a sick person goes through with clarity. I could have given up, cracked a joke like I usually do, and changed the subject, but I remember thinking if I don’t try to explain this, how could I ever expect her to understand. If I can’t explain this to my best friend, how could I explain my world to anyone else? I had to at least try.

At that moment, the spoon theory was born. I quickly grabbed every spoon on the table; hell I grabbed spoons off of the other tables. I looked at her in the eyes and said “Here you go, you have Lupus”. She looked at me slightly confused, as anyone would when they are being handed a bouquet of spoons. The cold metal spoons clanked in my hands, as I grouped them together and shoved them into her hands.

I explained that the difference in being sick and being healthy is having to make choices or to consciously think about things when the rest of the world doesn’t have to. The healthy have the luxury of a life without choices, a gift most people take for granted.

Most people start the day with unlimited amount of possibilities, and energy to do whatever they desire, especially young people. For the most part, they do not need to worry about the effects of their actions. So for my explanation, I used spoons to convey this point. I wanted something for her to actually hold, for me to then take away, since most people who get sick feel a “loss” of a life they once knew. If I was in control of taking away the spoons, then she would know what it feels like to have someone or something else, in this case Lupus, being in control.

She grabbed the spoons with excitement. She didn’t understand what I was doing, but she is always up for a good time, so I guess she thought I was cracking a joke of some kind like I usually do when talking about touchy topics. Little did she know how serious I would become?

I asked her to count her spoons. She asked why, and I explained that when you are healthy you expect to have a never-ending supply of "spoons". But when you have to now plan your day, you need to know exactly how many “spoons” you are starting with. It doesn’t guarantee that you might not lose some along the way, but at least it helps to know where you are starting. She counted out 12 spoons. She laughed and said she wanted more. I said no, and I knew right away that this little game would work, when she looked disappointed, and we hadn't even started yet. I’ve wanted more "spoons" for years and haven’t found a way yet to get more, why should she? I also told her to always be conscious of how many she had, and not to drop them because she can never forget she has Lupus.

I asked her to list off the tasks of her day, including the most simple. As, she rattled off daily chores, or just fun things to do; I explained how each one would cost her a spoon. When she jumped right into getting ready for work as her first task of the morning, I cut her off and took away a spoon. I practically jumped down her throat. I said " No! You don’t just get up. You have to crack open your eyes, and then realize you are late. You didn’t sleep well the night before. You have to crawl out of bed, and then you have to make your self something to eat before you can do anything else, because if you don’t, you can't take your medicine, and if you don’t take your medicine you might as well give up all your spoons for today and tomorrow too." I quickly took away a spoon and she realized she hasn’t even gotten dressed yet. Showering cost her spoon, just for washing her hair and shaving her legs. Reaching high and low that early in the morning could actually cost more than one spoon, but I figured I would give her a break; I didn’t want to scare her right away. Getting dressed was worth another spoon. I stopped her and broke down every task to show her how every little detail needs to be thought about. You cannot simply just throw clothes on when you are sick. I explained that I have to see what clothes I can physically put on, if my hands hurt that day buttons are out of the question. If I have bruises that day, I need to wear long sleeves, and if I have a fever I need a sweater to stay warm and so on. If my hair is falling out I need to spend more time to look presentable, and then you need to factor in another 5 minutes for feeling badly that it took you 2 hours to do all this.

I think she was starting to understand when she theoretically didn’t even get to work, and she was left with 6 spoons. I then explained to her that she needed to choose the rest of her day wisely, since when your “spoons” are gone, they are gone. Sometimes you can borrow against tomorrow’s "spoons", but just think how hard tomorrow will be with less "spoons". I also needed to explain that a person who is sick always lives with the looming thought that tomorrow may be the day that a cold comes, or an infection, or any number of things that could be very dangerous. So you do not want to run low on "spoons", because you never know when you truly will need them. I didn’t want to depress her, but I needed to be realistic, and unfortunately being prepared for the worst is part of a real day for me.

We went through the rest of the day, and she slowly learned that skipping lunch would cost her a spoon, as well as standing on a train, or even typing at her computer too long. She was forced to make choices and think about things differently. Hypothetically, she had to choose not to run errands, so that she could eat dinner that night.

When we got to the end of her pretend day, she said she was hungry. I summarized that she had to eat dinner but she only had one spoon left. If she cooked, she wouldn’t have enough energy to clean the pots. If she went out for dinner, she might be too tired to drive home safely. Then I also explained, that I didn’t even bother to add into this game, that she was so nauseous, that cooking was probably out of the question anyway. So she decided to make soup, it was easy. I then said it is only 7pm, you have the rest of the night but maybe end up with one spoon, so you can do something fun, or clean your apartment, or do chores, but you can’t do it all.

I rarely see her emotional, so when I saw her upset I knew maybe I was getting through to her. I didn’t want my friend to be upset, but at the same time I was happy to think finally maybe someone understood me a little bit. She had tears in her eyes and asked quietly “Christine, How do you do it? Do you really do this everyday?” I explained that some days were worse then others; some days I have more spoons then most. But I can never make it go away and I can’t forget about it, I always have to think about it. I handed her a spoon I had been holding in reserve. I said simply, “I have learned to live life with an extra spoon in my pocket, in reserve. You need to always be prepared”

Its hard, the hardest thing I ever had to learn is to slow down, and not do everything. I fight this to this day. I hate feeling left out, having to choose to stay home, or to not get things done that I want to. I wanted her to feel that frustration. I wanted her to understand, that everything everyone else does comes so easy, but for me it is one hundred little jobs in one. I need to think about the weather, my temperature that day, and the whole day's plans before I can attack any one given thing. When other people can simply do things, I have to attack it and make a plan like I am strategizing a war. It is in that lifestyle, the difference between being sick and healthy. It is the beautiful ability to not think and just do. I miss that freedom. I miss never having to count "spoons".

After we were emotional and talked about this for a little while longer, I sensed she was sad. Maybe she finally understood. Maybe she realized that she never could truly and honestly say she understands. But at least now she might not complain so much when I can't go out for dinner some nights, or when I never seem to make it to her house and she always has to drive to mine. I gave her a hug when we walked out of the diner. I had the one spoon in my hand and I said “Don’t worry. I see this as a blessing. I have been forced to think about everything I do. Do you know how many spoons people waste everyday? I don’t have room for wasted time, or wasted “spoons” and I chose to spend this time with you.”

Ever since this night, I have used the spoon theory to explain my life to many people. In fact, my family and friends refer to spoons all the time. It has been a code word for what I can and cannot do. Once people understand the spoon theory they seem to understand me better, but I also think they live their life a little differently too. I think it isn’t just good for understanding Lupus, but anyone dealing with any disability or illness. Hopefully, they don’t take so much for granted or their life in general. I give a piece of myself, in every sense of the word when I do anything. It has become an inside joke. I have become famous for saying to people jokingly that they should feel special when I spend time with them, because they have one of my "spoons".

© 2003 by Christine Miserandino Butyoudontlooksick.com


It's nice that I can still write my thoughts and thus a part of my frustration is expressed.
It is not always easy to have an invisible illness and to make it visible to people who deliberately do not want to understand you. Do not be afraid to live, because sometimes it will be hurt.

The Old Sailor,

The preconceived opinion of the society

Dear Bloggers,

Slowly the autumn begins to enter and when I bring the children to school in the morning the leaves swirl around me. The first trees begin to bare all. I stroll on the pavement on speed dead easy (because of morning stiffness) trough this picturesque image and I am drifting away deep in thought. Until my youngest daughter suddenly pulls my arm and points her finger towards a toadstool. She also asked whether gnomes lived in there?
 

Suddenly I'm back in the real world and I tell her: “Well I think not, because I see no door or a chimney.” Meaningful is her gaze, her eyes he look at me intently. I give her the explanation that not in every toadstool lives a gnome. Meanwhile my brains are running at full strength. I have called the images in my head that this toadstool might be for sale and has a tiny sign in the garden. I laugh about myself and we continue our trip towards the school.

 
It drizzles outside and inside it is comfortable and warm and you would really like to stay here. (And while I hated school in my younger years.) But yes, staying is not an option. One of the students gives a swing to the copper bell indicating that the lessons start in about five minutes,. (So parents have to bugger off.) When I walk out of the door, I feel in my back a few eyes stinging and I think I can guess what these ladies will have as their next issue. “ Yes, the middle-aged unemployed seaman.” Yet I am not the one to be fooled, I greet them with a friendly look and walk quietly back towards our home.
 

I walk back turned into myself and start to giggle a bit and I think are there goblins without work? You normally see these little males usually armed with garden tools. It is not that they are the most active figures as I've never seen one of them move. Some goblins are fishing but this picture gives me even more to think. In my experience this is a sport for men who do not have sex. Because why else would you get up so early in the weekend to get out of a warm bed. And then sitting under a big umbrella staring at the extension of your genitals.
 

Yet it is easier to understand with goblins because you did not see many goblin females. Suddenly I realize something, this would be something not right? Are women oppressed in this culture? Tomorrow it will be in the headlines of newspaper de Telegraaf : “Dwarf men not affraid to use domestic violence.” Meanwhile, I arrived back home and I open the door, I make some coffee and listen to the radio. I make some telephoneconversations to ensure that at the end of the month again we will receive some money again.
When I pick up the kids from school it is around noon, I have decided to buy a winter coat for the little ladies. It is sunny autumn weather when we go on the bike towards the shops out there. Once arrived in the store with my princesses unfolds the grand celebration of the winter coats fitting.
 

We have a lot of fun and nothing is disturbing us. I am also suspiciously monitored by the saleswoman. A mother with children has just entered the store and she looks at me with an indignant glance at my oldest daughter when I say: “You have to choose a coat that is good and that you also should love to wear it because it is your coat.” I feel like a pioneer as seen in the sixties who fought for the rights of women. I fully enjoy this and help my youngest daughter pick out a total of seven new gowns. Walking in a hump of coats we move towards fitting room and again I get the same pair of Argus eyes that followed me earlier this afternoon. The saleslady asks whether we really need no help and i hear in her voice, that I am condemned to be the single father who knows all but has no control. As always I reply:” No thank you we are doing fine” and now I walk with mixed feelings through the store.
 

At one side I'm flattered and on the other hand, I feel hurt. After an hour we leave the shop with two brand new winter coats. As we are heading home on our bikes. suddenly I ask myself this question: What will my wife think of this? The weather is beautiful but because daylight starts to fade early, it cools down very quickly. My thoughts wander off again and I muse over past years. The years that I was a child. After playing outside you came home and often you would smell something nice that you could eat. Now I have to play that role. As it is already quite late, I choose to eat something easy.During diner those double feelings are there again and I really doubt myself. Actually now I recognize myself in the feelings that my wife must have had for years. She phoned me at work to ask what color the sun screen should have for example, she should buy. The children may stay up until mum comes home and of course to show the new coat. After dinner, we are still having some fun at the table and a little chit chat. When we hear the frontdoor open we are waiting anxiously. We have just hung up the new coats as they hung there for ever. My spouse comes in with one of the jackets and asks:” Who is this?” My oldest daughter also resolutely answers: “That is mine and I have selected it myself.” I am relieved that no vindictive remark follows a remark about the color or the scope: “Why was I not asked to go with you?” So I confirm to myself that I can do these things too. Yeah, Well I live in a "girls home" and the shopping I cannot escape from (not that I really mind.) I start to think again: Am I so different than all those other men? Do I have maybe one or more female gene, or are there are more of these dads out there?
 

At one side I enjoy my success and on the other hand, I doubt whether all this is normal. As the evening has fallen I sit with my spouse on the couch and then I doubt again. I'm too soft to determine what is on TV. My wife is usually has the remote and I must say I'm not really a typical male if it comes to preference for things such as football and Formula 1 racing. After all those years these things can not really fascinate me. Again I think: “Am I so different?” I just enjoy my time and I spend it with my children. The happy faces are magic to me when we do something fun again. Laughing I remember this afternoon with my girls. My youngest daughter took all seven coats that we had picked up and she said that she wanted them all to take home.
 

My answer was:”If that bold guy from the postcode lottery is coming along you can take all seven “ Bewildered the mother with children looks at me, after this remark she leaves towards the counter to checkout. I believe they fled the store because she was feeling uncomfortable. And perhaps because she also wants a man like this, and also one that could try things like this with his kids! Ok, I'm not a "superman" but then I do not play soccer on my free Saturday and on Sunday I am not going to fish. Once again I feel a bit double.
 

On one hand I am different and on the other hand, I enjoy all the time that I can spend with my “girls.” Luckely I am not so attached to the rest of the herd and pleased with myself. I am aware that the danger constantly lurks in me but I am not affected at this the point.
 
Enjoy of all the moments you get, because before you know they are gone.


The Old Sailor,