Open Letter about Fibromyalgia

Dear Bloggers,

As I became active on a Dutch forum about FM, I found this letter and had the feeling that I should share this with you. Just to get you a better picture of what I feel. Do not worry I have translated the letter from Dutch to English so do not hang me up on small spellingmistakes.

And as we all know that life is brutal, but still there is no reason to let your head hang down.

This how I look at real friends: a friend is someone who dances with you in the sunlight and walks beside you in the shadow as that is all what live is about.

Open letter to people who do not have Fibromyalgia:

If you have Fibromyalgia, it means many things change and that many of these things are invisible.

It is not visible as a paraplegic.

Most people do not understand even a small bit of what it is to have FM and living with the effects it has on your life.

People who think that they understand what you have are normally poorly informed.

To be informed, and who can understand? .......

There are certain things from me I want you to understand before you condemn me ...

Please understand that being sick does not mean that I am no man or woman anymore.

Most of the day I spend in a lot of pain and exhaustion, and if you visit often, I am not very pleasant company, but I am still in this body.

I am still winding myself up about work and my family and friends, and usually I love that you also talk about the things that are concerning you.

Please understand the difference between "happy" and "healthy".

If you have flu you probably feel miserable, but I have been sick for many years.

I can not always feel miserable, in fact I work hard, not to be miserable.

So when you talk to me and I sound happy, it means that I'm happy.

That is all.

It does not mean that I have no pain or being terribly tired, or that I am getting better, or whatever.

Please do not say: "Oh, you already sound better!".

I do not sound better, I sound cheerful.

If you want to say something about it, you can.

Understand well that being able to stand for 10 minutes does not mean that I can also stand for 20 minutes, or an hour.

And since I could stand 30 minutes yesterday does not mean that I can do the same today.

With many diseases you are either paralyzed, or you can move.

This disease is more complicated.

Everything described above also applies to "sit", "walk", "believe", "thinking of others" and so on ...

It applies to everything.

That is what Fibromyalgia does.

Please understand that Fibromyalgia is variable.

It is possible (for me that is normal) that one day I can walk large pieces and back while I have trouble the other day just to reach the kitchen.

Do not attack me with: "But yesterday you did!" if you want me to do something, ask if I can.

In a similar situation, maybe at the last moment I will cancel an appointment, if that happens do not to take it personally.

Please understand me that “going out and doing things” not make me feel better and I often feel a lot worse.

If you tell me that I should move a lot or that I should lose weight (or even gain), or I should buy a training device, even to go to gym or something like that ... then I will do that.

I am emotionally hurt (and I need to cry sometimes) and that is not good ... all these things I would do if I could, I would like to do and you know it?

I work for myself with my doctor and physiotherapist, and I do all the exercises I should do in my situation.

Another decision that I really acts is: "You have only yourself but harder to tackle ..."

It is clear that I work for myself with my doctor and physiotherapist, and I do all the exercises I should do in my situation.

Another judgement that I really hate is: "You have to be a bit harder on yourself..."

It is clear that Fibromyalgia has to deal directly with the muscles and because my muscles are not developping the same way as yours , I distroy more than I do good when I follow your advice and it will cost me days or weeks to return where I was and to recover from even a single activity.

Please understand that if I say I need to have a seat.

Too lie down or need pillows, and that I need it now - it can not be postponed because there is no time for it, or that I am not at home. (or for any other reason).

Fibromyalgia does not care about that.

If you have a good idea for me, than keep it for yourself.

It is not something that I do not appreciate, and it is not because I do not want to be better.

It is all because everyone has a good idea for me.

In the beginning I did everything that I was advised and gave it a try, but I realized I was consuming so much energy to try things that I made myself only more ill, and not better.

If there would be anything that all Fibromyalgia patients could help or could cure them, then all persons with Fibromyalgia would have known.

There is a global network (Internet and others) between people with Fibromyalgia, if there would be something that might cure us, we would know.

If you have read everything and you want to give me a good suggestion, please do so, but do not expect me that I immediately go after it and give it a try straight away.

I will then consider it and discuss with my doctor. In many different ways I depend you - people who are not sick - I need you to visit me when I'm sick or when I can not go out myself... Sometimes I need your help when I need to do some shopping, cooking or housekeeping.

I'll probably might even need your help to drive me to the doctor or physiotherapist I need you also in a different way ..... you are my link to the outside world ... if you will not visit me then I'll maybe not see you that often. ... and, as much as possible, I need it that you will try to understand me.

The Old Sailor,

I should be so lucky part 2

Dear Bloggers,

OPINION: The road to hell may well be paved with good intentions, but nobody told me that you would have to listen to a chorus of whingers along the way.

I was listening to the Radio the other day and they were discussing how we were sliding of slowly towards some sort of hell and there was no way we would ever look back on these present times as the "good ol' days" like they had back in the fifties and sixties.

What a load of ….....
We all know about the 'glass half full or glass half empty' metaphor and I hesitate to suggest that the current level is starting to be unreflective of the unimaginable bounties that we currently possess.

In other words, our glasses are almost full and too many of us are nagging about the bit that we are missing at the top.
I started writing my blog today as I wanted to expound on some of the more positive things that are going on.

Well, today I wanted to write about how incredibly fantastic it is to be alive in this modern age. 'What are you on?' I hear you say.

No, nobody laced my breakfast with ecstasy this morning.

I sometimes think the opposite is going on.

Maybe the whole population is being drugged to suppress their excitement and enthusiasm at their good fortune to be living in these wild times.
I was tripping around my house this morning belting out the chorus of Kylie Minogue's 'I should be so lucky' and my five-year-old was telling me to stop singing. It looks like they have got her too. Kylie is good example aswell if it comes to being positive, she is really a strong woman as she was struck by the horrible disease called cancer. Never let your head hang down, but fight.

It is all very well for me to keep on telling about how great it is to be here, but I must qualify my assertions.

I have always believed if you want to understand your place in the universe you must look at the wide view.
Fundamentally, each of us is just one of nearly seven billion bipedal apes shuffling around on a big spherical rock trying to procure a few basic needs- namely food, shelter, and, if you're lucky, a bit of reproduction.

It looks as though we have achieved these basic requirements rather well and by all accounts most of us are in bloom.
Judging by the number of overly corpulent persons crawling down the streets of the western world, many of us are not flowering at all.

It is a rather telling paradox of our times that our problem is not that we don't have enough to eat; it is that we can't stop shovelling tasty morsels into our gaping mouths.

At no time in the history of civilisation has there been societies where the general population has been so affluent that they have been able to consume all the meat, sugar and carbohydrates to their labouring hearts' content.

Yet we still complain.

Our car is not new enough, taxes are too complex, society is too crime ridden.

Reality check: You have a car. Your taxes bring are wide range of services that have become essential to your life. You probably haven't been a victim of a serious crime recently, and if you have been, just remember you are still here to fight another day. (there are two things we are sure of in this life: death and taxes.)

Let's go back a couple of thousand years and you can be sure that things wouldn't nearly have been so rosy.

Some of your brothers or sisters would have surely died in childhood.

Disease would have been a constant threat.

Running water and functioning sewerage would have been but a distant dream.

And murder a not uncommon practice.

Do you think they sat around the fireplace bitching about issues like whether or not we should put folic acid in our bread?
We are much more unlikely to die a violent death these days than at any time in history. Something in modernity and its cultural institutions has made us nobler.

In fact, our ancestors were far more violent than we are today.

Indeed, violence has been in decline over long stretches of history, and today we are probably living in the most peaceful moment of our species' time on earth.

I like the idea of Thanksgiving eventhough there will be thousands of turkey's killed for it.

I don't know exactly who or what we are supposed to thank, maybe God, maybe some exotic religion, maybe your mother, but I think it would be good to spend a day every year reflecting on the fact that our glasses are almost full to overflowing and the little things that send us into apoplectic fits of self-pity and disgust are really just a small beer.

You don't need to wait until this special day of reflection though.

You can do it right now.

Look around you, examine the detail, think of where you have come from and where you are going and if you really get it, if you really, truly understand the situation in which you currently exist, it should blow your freakin' mind.

If you can't climb out of your own reality so easily, but there's a place somewhere in your surrounding that might do the trick.

Surrounded by some pieces of our beautiful nature and if you don't have any kind of happy feelings as you consider your place in the universe you really have been drugged into submission by some dark forces determined to keep you from being happy.

I'm the first to admit that I'm not always the paragon of cheeriness and positivity, but the concept that we are all extremely fortunate to be here is never far from my thoughts.

It is great to be here and I hope you can see that too.

You all enjoy the rest of the summer while I take off to the next door neighbors beautiful country and relax for a few days.

The Old Sailor,

They call me fibromyalgia

Dear Bloggers,

Let me introduce you to my new companion in life.
I found this on the Dutch fibromyalgia site and translate it, as it comes quite close to my feelings.

Now they gave it a name and now the fight against it finally begins.

Hello,

I am an invisible disease.

I am now with you for the rest of your life.

Others around you to see me, but your body feels me.

I can attack you when and how I want.

Also I can take care of you by giving severe pain attacks.

And if I'm in a good mood I can even ensure that you have pain.

Remember that you did a lot with your energy and had a lot of fun?

Well, I took that energy away from you and gave you fatigue instead.

You now also trying to have fun, but I get you out of your sleep and give you a headache in return!

You know what I can do more?

I can ensure that you vibrate inside and you are cold or hot when everyone feels normal.

I can also make you anxious and depressed.

You did not ask for me but I have chosen you.

Why?

Perhaps by a trauma (car- crash/whiplash, surgery....?) That you had.

Or by a virus that you caught somewhere.

Anyway, I am here now and I will stay!

I hear you went to a doctor, to get rid of me.

Hahaha, I rolling over the floor and laugh!

Keep on trying!

You will be going to many doctors if you finally can get rid of me.

Also you will probably be packed with pills: sleeping pills, vitamins, painkillers, energy pills?

You will get massages and sometimes they will tell you that you are anxious and depressed. They will tell you that if you take pills on time, and do your exercises well, I will go away.

But the worst is that sometimes you will not be taken serious, when you are yelling at the doctor that you do'nt have a normal life anymore.

Your family, friends and colleagues will all listen to you until they are sick and tired of knowing how I let you suffer and that I am a disease from hell.

Some will say: "You just have a bad day" or "Yes, you can not do anything more that you could ten years ago."

They are not you then say: "Ten years ago? Ten days ago!"

Also, some will talk behind your back while you slowly get the feeling that you are losing your self-respect.
Still you try, while you know, to explain them so they would understand.

This can be especially difficult if you have one “normal” person where you are talking to, because sometimes you'll suddenly forget what you wanted to say.... The only people who really understand you and support you are, the people in whose body I am also present.

And unfortunately, you will also discover that your true friends you can count on 1 hand.

But the ones who are there are those, which are there for you REALLY!

The Old Sailor,

Older painkiller, naproxen, found to be safest

Dear Bloggers,

Shocking news this morning a legend, the king of pop, Michael Jackson went to fiddler's green. Sometimes I am worried that my painkillers could trigger a heart attack or dangerous stomach bleeding as today it was mentioned in the news that Wacko Jacko died of a cardiac arrest. And that the painkillers he is using might have caused his death, it made me think that maybe the next victim is me. So I started reading reports again and to my surprise I read that diclofenac is pretty dangerous.

New reports on painkiller risks, based on reviews of dozens of studies including hundreds of thousands of patients, indicate most patients should try naproxen, an older anti-inflammatory drug.

Experts say it doesn't raise heart attack or stroke risk -- a major worry for older people -- and naproxen is inexpensive because generic versions have been around for years. Available over the counter, it's taken by millions of people worldwide.
The drawback is that like most painkillers, it can irritate the stomach, so doctors say some people may also need to take one of the newer acid reflux drugs.

"I do think we should start with naproxen in the vast majority of cases," said Dr. Steven Nissen, head of cardiology at the Cleveland Clinic and president of the American College of Cardiology. "It's about balancing the cardiovascular and gastrointestinal risk."
Along with the good news about naproxen, the two studies raise new concerns about a few painkillers, particularly diclofenac, which has been on the market since 1988. The commonly used anti-inflammatory drug, also sold as Voltaren and Cataflam, carries as high a risk of heart attack or stroke as Vioxx.

The new analyses also provide even more evidence of the dangers to the heart and kidneys posed by Vioxx, which was pulled from the market two years ago.
The latest findings should help patients and doctors confused about painkiller safety since news began unfolding about the risks of Vioxx, Bextra and other non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs.

Using any of those drugs, liver and kidney function tests should be required every six months.
The heart risks from diclofenac were reported by researchers at the University of Newcastle in Australia. That report recommends regulators review whether diclofenac should stay on the market.

THE RANKINGS
According to a report in the Journal of the American Medical Association, the painkiller naproxen has less of a cardiovascular risk than other drugs. Here are the rankings of risk estimates, from lowest risk estimate to highest risk estimate:
1. Naproxen
2. Celebrex
3. Ibuprofen
4. Other anti-inflammatory drugs
5. Mobic
6. Vioxx
7. Voltaren

I think it is about time that I should discuss this with my doctor, at my death there will not be such a media hype. But at least seven persons will miss me.

The Old Sailor,

Fathersday

Dear Bloggers,

Father's Day has become a day in which to honour our dad's for all that they have done for us through the years of our lives. Being a man and living with fibromyalgia can make it more difficult for us to do all the fathering that society expects of us. Father's Day can become a day of great stress for us as we try to please our own parents.

Our children do try to honour us, and even the smallest gesture of their love can help to make this day special for us. However, we may need to make our families understand what they can do for us on this day in order to make it a less stressful and exhausting day.

Breakfast in bed is nice, but if the rest of the day is spent trying to meet their needs, then it isn't enough for us. Families tend to think that what we want is to be together with them on Father's Day because our social values have taught us that that is what is expected to happen. But what those of us with fibromyalgia may really need for Father's Day is a day just to ourselves.

A day of walking along the beach, in the woods, or just sitting outside and enjoying the springtime with its beautiful colors and flowering plants without any demands being placed upon us.

Preparing our families and explaining what would be really helpful or special for us on this day set aside for fathers is something that we can do. It may be that we awaken on Father's Day in a major flare of our fibromyalgia and the last thing we want to do is get out of bed, get dressed, and be taken out to anywhere.

Those of us with small children may find it extremely difficult to get through this special day because of their many needs which must be attended to whether we feel up to it or not. If we have a supportive spouse or mother who truly understands our fibromyalgia, it can be made easier for us. However, many of us don't have the support of our families, or our extended family is far away, and can't be there even if they do understand what we go through on a daily basis.
I did not have fibromyalgia when my own children were very young, yet I now struggle with their lack of understanding of what I actually go through each day of my life. They will do special things for me on Father's Day, but if I can communicate my needs to them for this special day before it arrives, then maybe it will become a day that I will enjoy and remember as being a day especially for me.

Placing myself first has never been easy for me, but this year I plan to do just that. I don't know what I will want from them, but I do know that just being accepted as I am, and being understood no matter how I feel on Father's Day is the most important gift that they could give me. If I choose to spend the day in solitude and reflection of myself, then I hope that this will be granted to me
Flowers, gifts, and food prepared by someone else may be all that some of us need in order to feel that we are being honoured. Others of us may need to be pampered or shown by actions that we are loved unconditionally.

Being a father is a great responsibility, and for those of us with fibromyalgia, it may be one that drains us on a daily basis. We need to learn to take care of ourselves first, and sometimes this creates guilt because our society says that being a father means to give to others first. Yet, if we can't care for ourselves, then how can we find the energy and resourses to care for others without losing an important part of ourselves?

I believe that honouring and taking care of ourselves first is the most important gift that we can give to ourselves on this special day set aside for fathers everywhere.

The Old Sailor,

It is time to party

Dear Bloggers,


It's finally the annual time of the year, time for the so called Liphuster Feest. On thursday it's decorating day, a day on which we decorate the houses and gardens for the coming days.
But today it is Friday and we kick off today with the kids from elementry school which is based in the village. They all walk from school to the tent and getting fries and ice cream as a treat. Every year the committee comes with a theme and this year it is fairytales. And of course at the beginning of the evening we have the parade. During the day we had some rainshowers but the sky cleared and the sun came out. Through the years the floats became bigger and more beautiful, which is giving some trouble to get everyone in start position. But after a bit of puzzling it is time to get rolling. Just after a 100 metres the parade comes to a hold as the bolts from one of the wheels of one the floats came loose. Luckely no accidents happened but this was close call. One of the neighbors is mechanic and he was able to fix it during the evening as the float stranded in our street, but they had to drop out of the parade for today.




























Children Love Parades
Children love parades for a number of reasons, one of which being that they are strange and wonderful things. Big city folks don't understand small town parades. They have expensive floats decorated entirely with flowers and grown up men are having toys that they're obviously too old for, but it's a little different at a small town parade.At a small town parade, you start off with the local police department, riding in cars to make sure that everything is safe trafficwise. The floats are being build by the local mums and dads and also the clothing is sometimes made by a few handy women. I think it is nice that this is still excisting as in these modern times it is not that common anymore to do things together.

Marching Bands
Marching bands, are probably the most professional entries in the parade. As they practise a lot and are showing up in all these parades, although of course one is better then the other.
Less charitable things can be said for the baton corps. These are little girls, most of them, who can barely manipulate a baton. More or less twirl one. The older ones will toss the baton in the air and actually catch it, but please don't think that I'm critical of the kids.
Building a float
Starts with spreading ideas at the neigborhood meeting, from that point a lay out is made and the building of the float begins. It is for a lot of us pretty hard to be a teamplayer as we all want to be captain. So there is a lot of discussion among the buildinggroup and the developpers. For me it is pretty hard to keep myself on the brakes, but I have to take it easy on my body otherwise I will be struck by it the next 24 hours. I am not always agreeing with the design but it is nice to see what they are coming up with, this years theme is fairytales and our float is called “ice queen.”
Most of the streets have units. , with actual floats built atop hay wagons, usually pulled or ushed by tractors. The building of them happens in barns of farmers in the neigborhood or under a construction of pipes and shielded of with a few hammer-cloths. As a mum or dad you have to help building the float and they make a shedule for that, but also the youngest kids are going on the wagon from the school. So you got a double job.

Dads don't get to be Dads any more. As before every single dad had a job but now in this time of recession a lot off them are laid off or it is getting closer to them. On some of them you can sense it as there drive to do something is not there and their conversation is a bit depressed. If he gets laid off and doesn't have money to pay the full amount of bills coming in every month, and with these days that you have to play cheerful and go with your kids to the fair eventhough you can not afford it. It's not much fun being a unemployed dad, nor do I imagine it's much fun for their kids.

I Love A Parade
I said earlier that little kids love parades, because they are strange and wonderful things, and older people have their own reasons for loving parades. I can't say that I find them overly thrilling, myself. I always liked to see fathers beaming to see their kids in the parade, and kids beaming to see their parents see them. No wonder parades have dropped off, as people have forgotten the warm feelings of their kids and the happiness on their little faces. Some of us are being to busy with themselves but this is a start of coming back together or....


The Old Sailor,

Fear of falling with the bike.

Dear Bloggers,



















I have found a new remedy to keep myself in motion, the fun in it overrules the pain.
And it is great to see that your own daughter is fighting the stabillity issue.
Somedays I have to take it easy as the pain has the lead, but as soon as I can we go for a ride.
She understands perfectly that daddy can not get of his bike so quick and that she has to listen careful to what I tell her to do. If we enter a crossing I learned her to stop and get of the bike.
One of the biggest problems for my daughter is to concentrate as she is sometimes more occupied with talking to me where she should actually focus on her biking.










As you can sense, my daughter of 5 would love to learn how to ride a bicycle, she bikes, but is very afraid to fall. She is now cycling with supportwheels, but to stop and particularly the getting 'on and away' cycles are difficult because she is afraid to fall sho she is getting cramped and worried. However, she is very persisting to learn it and she loves to go biking with me. It is as if her confidence is lacking in her physical capabilities, what she physically can, purely in terms of cycling, stabillity is still her enemy. She notes if she has that under control, it is good. What remedy (s) can I give to support her so that she can learn to trust in herself because fear is a bad adviser.



Possunt, quia posse videntur
(They can do it, as they are convinced that they can do it.)


The Old Sailor,

painful fingers

Dear Bloggers,

If you find yourself moved to write me about something, you may reasonably expect to get an answer.
That isn’t likely to happen, though, and I’d like to tell you why. I simply cannot be your pen pal.



Three or four months ago I woke up one morning, showered, dressed, grabbed a cup of coffee and jumped in my car to go somewhere.
That was when I discovered that overnight, without warning, my right hand had so enfeebled itself that I couldn’t turn the key in the ignition.
The rest of my body seemed to be aswell affected, so I reached over with my left hand to start the car, meaning to ask my doctor what the hell was going on this time at the next chance I got.



I will start from the beginning I went to my own doctor and told her about my stiff fingers and being totally stiff in the morning hours.
As we came to the conclusion that I had mentioned this last winter as she looked through my files.
We blamed it on the cold and moisty weather and that it would disappear when springweather would come.
A few months later I took up the talk again as there was no progress in my situation.
There are good days and there are bad days.
It is getting so bad that getting up in the morning has become a challenge.
The morning stiffness is the biggest issue, after a hot shower I am getting slowly in motion.

I ended up talking to a doctor of internal diseases and an eye doctor, being subjected to various high-tech tests.
What’s going on appears to be a rheumatological problem.
Fortunately for me, they take their time about it, but they’re pretty thorough.
The fingers of my right hand are the worst affected so far.
What makes that annoying is that I use that hand for writing.
At least the first draft of a lot of my blogs was written by hand.



That option is no longer open to me, because my handwriting, always atrocious, is now often quite illegible even to me.
Also my job is getting to heavy and it is bitter if you have to give up on something you like.
One of the biggest problems is the fatigue attacks and the sleeping disorder.
Being tired all day is very heavy, but I am starting to turn things around.
The pain I am living quite good through, although it is hard sometimes.
I try to see the positive sides of my situation.
If I go out for a walk to get my body in motion, I breath in the fresh air and enjoy what nature is showing.



Remains the computer.
That still works for me, but not easily.
I can still touch-type with my left hand (in the old days at almost about fifty words a minute not superfast but good enough) but the right hand can only hunt-and-peck with the forefinger.
Not that I was that good in typing with all fingers something I never learned eventhough I had a course in it.
Isn’t life hilarious?

This is bad news.
It’s horribly slow and prone to a million mistakes, which I have to correct as I go along, and, worst of all, after a page or two my right index finger begins to get pretty painful.
So my writing time, whether for blogs, letters or any other task, is limited. Therefore, at least until I finish a couple of things I really want to write, correspondence time is squeezed even harder than my cervical nerves.
A blog like this normally took me one or two hours, now it takes up to four days.



And listen, this isn’t a plea for sympathy.
Hey, I’m 41 years old.
That means that I am far luckier than most of the people I know in being still able to write at all.
It’s just to say that if you ever happen to think you should properly have had a longer letter or mail from me, or indeed any letter or mail at all, it isn’t that I don’t treasure you, it’s just that my fingers hurt.

The Old Sailor,

A tribute to the Scottish fans

Dear Bloggers,

As a bad experience with so called football fans, did not make me look forward to a football trip of the Tartan Army, but I must admit that I was wrong this time, prejudging what was coming towards us. We are used to at least having a bit of trouble during the busy weekends.



But this a tribute to Scottish football Fans
Supporters of the Scottish national team, the so called “Tartan Army” are real fans and they are different than from most other football fans. They are not only loyal to their own country, but like also other countries and clubs. Although some supporters think a bit differently. The races between the superpowers of football are often degenerate into vicious fights, sometimes with murder and manslaughter as a result.



Last week more then 1300 Tartan Army fans travelled on our ship, the group was quite good organized a few minor issues could be solved pretty quickly. To me it was really sensational when they boarded the ship in North Shields, nearly all of them were dressed in kilt’s. As a Dutch man I had seen the country dress up in Orange but this was also a very nice picture. They travelled with us to see Scotland – Holland. Also commentaries around the game were fantastic as they expected some trouble.
The game between Netherlands and Scotland ended that Scotland lost with 3-0 Sufficient reason for Scottish fans after a big booze again separately, end up in a fight with supporters of Holland. If you could imagine. Because it often is. But that was not. There was no arrest.

Two police officers from Amsterdam said: How the Scotland supporters behaved, should be for all an example.



The highlight of peaceful (say brotherhood) behavior was the great party that came over Amsterdam.
It does not hurt anyone if you are being a bit drunk, but in a happy mood. Only a few pubs ran out of beer, but that was easy to fix.

Other supporters should be able to take an example to those of the famous Tartan Army.

The Social Charter prohibits any form of discrimination. Also this group is collecting more and more money for charity and solidarity funds. In 3 days time we transported 3,000 Scottish fans and it was in my eyes the largest peaceful migration by ship since the Second World War to the city of Amsterdam and a few days later the travelled back home.



Despite the defeat against the Netherlands was no incident recorded by the police on board we had only rather small issues but they were simply to resolve by extra security by talking to the person. The supporters of “the Tartan Army” having there own style and it is humorous and musical. The ship’s crew identified this style as the best in the world.

I served with pleasure this time, I got a different view on Scottish people now.
Well I stick to this phrase like always: “Live life as long it is there, pray for less fights, spend your last money on a drink and fuck if your life is depending on it.”

The Old Sailor,

A night out with the Old Sailor,

Dear Bloggers,

Sometimes I have these brilliant ideas to go a night out with my wife, but when you are having two kids not old enough to stay on their own.
You need to organize things on forehand.
And this is not easy when you are like me, and right away I say yes to a spontaneous idea.
Ok, everything turned out the right way.
Although I need to thank a lot of people for this great support and cooperation they al gave. We had the opportunity to have a look behind the scenes of the musical Sunset Boulevard.



First of all I will revert to the movie.
Sunset Boulevard is typical of Billy Wilder's penchant for risky subject matter, but it's also more visually appealing than some of his films combined.
It's a film that succeeds on many levels of production; the script is intricate and boldly conceived (if at times melodramatic), the set design is marvelous, Wilder's direction is fluent, and the lighting and camera movements are stately.
Aside from these concrete elements, the film also seduces the viewer into its own special world that is rather indescribable; if you don't believe me, bad luck and I wonder if you have seen it.

Last night we went to the musical version.
The music has been composed by Andrew Lloyd Webber another big name in musical world.(Jesus Christ superstar, phantom of the opera, cats, and Evita.)
Although musical is not really my thing as I am not that good at sitting still for a long time.
We were invited to come and see the show, we were allowed to use the foyer were the cast is having their break and the artist entrance.
My wife did not know anything about it and for her it was a big surprise.
The only thing she knew was that we were going out for diner and that her work schedule was changed.
(A lot of organizing for me behind the scenes, but that is the toll that you pay when you are a hopeless romantic like me.)


Norma Desmond (Simone Kleinsma) and Joe Gillis (Antonie Kamerling)
It is of course something special when you are being so close to the star players, not everybody gets this chance.
I really have to say we had a great night out and the musical is absolutely catching.
As my wife had no pre information about the story as she did not see the movie, or could pre read on internet about it.
Within 5 minutes you are being dragged into the story.


Betty Schaeffer (Maike Boerdam - Strobel)

Well let me give a short impression about the story:
In a passage that is pure Golden Age Hollywood, screenwriter Joe Gillis (Antonie Kamerling) escapes his shadowy creditors to the side of Sunset Boulevard in Los Angeles where he unearths the crumbling mansion of the equally crumbling, self-proclaimed silent film "star" Norma Desmond (Simone Kleinsma/Pia Douwes).
However, her problem is that she hasn't come to accept the reality of her current situation, which manifests itself into the several misshapen aspects of her life: the "fan letters" she believes she receives (but which are actually sent by her butler Max, another has-been filmmaker, played by Peter de Smet), the general otherworldliness of her mansion, which seems to be fusing into the shrubbery that surrounds it, or the lack of locks on her vast doors as a safeguard for Max in the instance of a possible suicide attempt.
"I am big. It's the pictures that got small,"
While her personal corruption seems to be associated with her loss of fame and aging body, Gillis is on the opposite side of the spectrum.
He's a writer who has frequently been on the cusp of a big hit, but whose minor failures have progressively made him more and more cynical.
When asked by Norma to assist her in writing her script, he jumps at the opportunity, being well aware of the status she had reached as an actress.
Creepily however, Norma takes hold of Gillis, scrutinizing his every move, an action that eventually turns for the worst when Gillis begins a love affair with Betty Schaeffer an engaged script reader played by Maike Boerdam.
When ambition runs in Sunset Boulevard, self-absorption is not far behind.
Gillis seems to lose his identity, grabbing hold of the promise of money over a more worthwhile situation.


"The Butler" Max von Mayerling (Peter de Smet)

A very deep and sad story but I was absolutely impressed by the musical, so I like to applaud all of you.
A great piece of art made by all of you.
I am normally not that impressed by the Dutch translations of top songs but you could feel that it was performed with a lot of passion.
The original movie Sunset Boulevard is certainly one of the most handsome productions of the 50's, and Wilder's knack for weaving a complex psychological tale while also keeping his taboos close to mind is undeniable.

Anyway we had a great night out.

The Old Sailor,

Happy with what you have, not with what you could get

Dear Bloggers,

My wife… What can I say about her? She is always there for me. Always giving up her own life for me. She studied still when she we first met. But she gave up her own career for me to pursue my dreams. I know, she will say our dreams. But the honest truth is that she gave up her future career for me to go off and tackle the world. Always taking a back seat…

My wife. A mind as sharp as her tongue! And damn! If only you knew how sharp that tongue can be! I always tell people to rather deal with me because I am the easy one. The soft one. But you mess with her… Man, man, man… All hell will break lose! Remind me that I tell you about the poor insurance guy one day. Haha! I don’t think he ever recovered.
Anyway…

My wife… We moved in together and she gave up her own job for me, and started work for peanuts at Arriva. Because that was what I wanted her to do. I was in between jobs all the time and worked as a freelance bartender and only weekends we were busy. As I needed to be a bartender.
You know what my wife did? She was pregnant… But she had to go and work somewhere for us to earn a bit more money because I got us into that situation. She stuck with it until I found a better paying job two years later. That’s what my wife did. That’s what my proud pregnant wife went to do.



My wife… That is how much she loves me. She would do everything for me. She has done everything for me. She has given up her life just for us to be together and for me to explore the world.
This take-no-shit, bright as hell, (and hotter than hell) proud, strong and suffering woman will do all that just for me. Can you imagine that?
And that isn’t even half the story. Apart from giving all that up she loves a crazy man. Her suffering is double what you can imagine!
Baby, I love you so much. I truly know what it means to love someone more than life itself. Because without you there will be no life. No me. I love you more… I think of you every single minute of my day. I always just want to be with you. Hold you and love you. (And all that other good stuff as well!)

I am one lucky, lucky man to have found the one person who makes me better than what I was meant to be. I am nothing without you. But I am everything because of you.
You have given up so much just for me. And the girls. You tolerate us. And you love us. Without asking anything back. All I have to give you is me.
A reminder. So incomplete. But it will have to do to give you a glimpse of how much you make me who I am. Baby, I love you. More…
How I Love My Wife

How do I love my wife?
In so many ways…
I love how I never want to write about my love for her because I know that I can never say it just the way I want to. And how I know that I still wouldn’t be able to say or write it the right way even if I was more gifted than Shakespeare. How words can never tell the story of my love for her. Because words have boundaries.



I love how she holds me and asks me what is wrong when I don’t know how to say what is wrong. When all that is wrong is that the world just got a little bit too heavy. And that all I need is her arms around me to make me feel safe and strong again.
I love how I listen to that stupid Hero song of Enrique and cry because I just want to be her hero. I just want to wipe away the tears. I want to kiss away the pain. I just want to stand by her forever. Because she always takes my breath away.
I love how she has to bite her lip when she laughs when I do my silly accents. And how she laughs with no sound and the tears runs down her face. And she’s laughing at my stupid jokes.

I love how she pretends to need me even though she is so much stronger than me. I know she doesn’t climb mountains. She will make the mountains come to her. And that they will just obey.
I love how she speaks with a “little voice” when she gets back from shopping and asks me “Don’t you want to help me carry?” And how I know there will be a little something in there for me.

I love how I used to hate Tom Cruise for taking the best line with “You complete me”. But how I know he didn’t even get close. She makes me. Not complete. She just makes me. Me.
I love how she laughs and shakes her head and says “What am I going to do with you?” whenever I make one of my suggestive comments. And how I do it just to hear those words.



I love how I look at her and compare every girl I see to her. And how no one compares even if they are on the pages of magazines or in leading roles in the movies.
I love how she is the centre of our universe. How she holds everything together and give meaning to our family. Stronger than gravity or any law of science.

I love how my smile gets bigger the closer I get to home. How I just want to run and laugh because I know she will be there and everything will be just fine.
I love how she wanted me even though she could get anyone she wanted. And how she stays with me even though she can get anyone she wants.

I love how her hand feels in mine when we walk with the girls. I love how I touch her while she’s walking and kiss her on her cheek.
I love how my heart still races when I kiss her when we make out. How her lips make me forget everything that makes me mad.

I love how she acts all needy when she wants me to get her some Coke or crisps. And how I love getting it for her.
I love how I still get butterflies when she reaches for my hand without her knowing she is doing it.



I love how she is the first thing that touches my lips in the morning and the last thing at night.
I love how she holds me and looks into my eyes when she tells me that she loves me more.

I love how I know every part of her body but still don’t know enough.

I love how she puts her hand on my leg when we go for a drive.

I love how she believes in me even when I have my doubts.

I love how I can write another million words and still not tell you how I love my wife.

The Old Sailor,

What is on every man's mind

Dear Bloggers,

Every man with a woman knows the duality of relationships.
It is a situation where you get caught in as soon as you are in a steady relationship, when you’re relationship is getting in jeopardy, you go out hunting again.
Even if she's the perfect woman for you, a woman who might be stunningly attractive, most of us feel compelled to look at other women.
As men we are dealing differently with fantasies then women.
We are more visual hunters, and that is the reason why we think so much of sex.
Our brains are simply not hooked to one fantasy and yes, sex sells.



Women don't appreciate this male dilemma.
Oftentimes, they will do everything in their power to discourage it.
Irrational violent mood swings and arguments are their main weapons of choice.



The goal here is to master the art of this type of female appreciation, while keeping it a strictly covert act.
And although the absolute greatest tool for this is no doubt a good pair of sunglasses, wearing them is not always possible, for reasons of wardrobe restrictions and weather.

What follows is a list of different approaches and techniques for both sides of the male relationship perspective; the one who wants to keep his wife happy, and the other that wants to protect his own ass while taking in the wonderful sights.
Enjoy.



Women are suckers for anything that comes close to a public display of affection.
Kisses, hugs, hand holding, you name it, and they almost certainly love it.
One of the easiest ways to check out other women then is to exploit this weakness by showing affection for your partner and physically clearing your field of vision.



The womanly instinct: using a woman's nature against her.
Your woman's mistrust for other women is your best friend here.
Essentially, most women are three to four drinks away from being either lesbian curious or in a vicious catfight... such are the contradictions of the fairer sex. There is no way for us to understand this fully, as our penises don't allow this sort of information to compute.

That said, here's a way to play off this female curiosity: The negative observation Commenting on the appearance of other women is a sure-fire means of openly and safely taking in the sight of other women, if done properly, make sure that anything you say sheds a negative light on the other woman and a positive one on yours, making her feel somehow superior.

Examples:
"Wow, look at how trashy she is."
"Doesn't anyone have natural breasts anymore?"
"Man, imagine what she really looks like without all that make-up."

Comments and questions of this sort will catch your wife's attention and she'll delight in the opportunity to shoot off one of her own -- all the while with you watching.



Diversions and distractions: buying time.
Oftentimes, the best way for you to look at other women is by getting your lady to look elsewhere.
Here are a couple of easy ways to do just that.

The point: If you happen to be in a shopping area, your environment is ideally suited to maximum "bird watching."
If you're in a pinch, consider pointing to a store or product and saying, "Hey, look at that!"
This works especially well if you're lucky enough to be near something you know she will be interested in (such as jewels or shoes).
This can also work well outside of shopping areas, with literally anything in your field of vision acting as a potential smoke screen.



The quest for opinion: Asking her opinions on products is another good way to go about creating time for you to peek at others.
This can include one-upping the last idea by not only pointing but also inquiring about the objects in storefront windows, or if worse comes to worst, cars, buildings or anything else in sight.

The purse hunt Almost every woman comes with a built-in escape hatch -- her purse. By simply asking her to look for something in her bag you can create the time needed to catch a glimpse of other women.
This can include anything from asking for a piece of gum, a breath mint or even a pen. And now, on to the art of stalling...



Stalling: lulling your partner. Certain commonly engaged-in acts can be useful tools in this situation, as most are far too boring for your girlfriend to closely inspect.
Provided you wait until she looks away, these are always available to you, and can be done on a moment's notice.
The shoelace tying Raise your foot and lean your shoe on any raised surface; this keeps you from having to bend down, which would limit your sightlines.
Hopefully at this stage in the game, you can tie a knot without looking.

The dandruff removal:
Wiping dandruff from your shoulders.
Admittedly this is one of the crudest techniques around, but one that can still prove helpful in a pinch, and most especially when walking beside an attractive woman.
Simply stroke your hand across your shoulders slowly, as if wishing to rid yourself of stubborn yet imaginary dandruff.

Honesty: when lying gets tiring.
For those fed up with hiding, honesty truly is the best policy, especially if you like to fight.
That said, being in the dating doghouse doesn't always have to go hand in hand with the honest approach, and if your wife is cool with it, you might even be able to enjoy looking at other women with her.

This works best with couples in long-term relationships who are completely comfortable with each other.
In this case, your girlfriend might have no trouble with you saying, "She's beautiful, isn't she?"
Of course, the only way to find out is by trying it.
Choose the right words. When going with the honest approach, make sure to steer clear of words like, "hot," "sexy" and "smoking."
These words imply a flat-out lustful sexuality, which may put your girl on the defensive.
Sticking with softer words like "beautiful," "pretty" and "cute" can help create the trust you need for honest exchanges.



WHAT IF SHE CATCHES YOU?
If she happens to catch you in the act of looking/staring at another woman, you can do one of two things: Either resort to the forementioned tactic of commenting and demeaning, or simply fess up.
The latter option might often be your best, and frankly only, option, as you can make matters worse if she sees through your lies.
If you know you can't get away with it, tell her something like, "Doesn't she look like Cameron Diaz?" or simply, "Okay, I was looking at her".
"But you have to admit she's attractive, right?"
No matter what, however, never compliment a woman in a way that can make your wife self-conscious.

Don't, for example, ever talk about breasts, butt size, legs, or weight issues, as this would bother most women.
Any attempt to cover your tracks, like telling her you heard 74% of women with breast implants are blonde will only backfire, as no doubt she'll think you not only consider her breasts are too small, but you also wish she were blonde (or blonder) too.



APPRECIATE OTHER WOMEN
Sure, this is shallow, but it's a necessary evil, something we not only like to do, but must.
Following some of these suggestions will help make your life more headache-free, and will keep your girl from catching on.

Make sure to use my tips sporadically, alternating them as often as you can. Predictability and familiarity are your enemies. In the end, some would say that if you have to use these tips, then you might be whipped.
But remember that knowledge is essential, especially if you happen to catch her applying these techniques.

I just follow these lines in life:”Live life as long it is there, pray for less fights, spend your last money on a drink and fuck if your life is depending on it.”

The Old Sailor,

End of the year, end of the money.

Dear Bloggers,

Are you scared for your future?
Now our economy is slowly but surely tumbling down, but why are these bankers and economists so surprised? Did it come earlier then they had expected, or don’t they have any common sence? Is it part of the show they have to put up, as the banks cannot pay us out as we have made money out of air for many years. It is the best fairytale ever made.



These questions are running through my head as I have seen the news about our ressesive economy and banks are tumbling down.

And we have all followed the delusion that was created by other human beings that were just a bit smarter then the rest.
It is time to turn our backs towards these crazy ideas, but it is hard to tell it to everybody.
Like a falling guillotine blade, stock markets around the world come crashing down, chopping off the head of the old economy.
Something old is dying so that something new can emerge.
It’s scary but in some ways it’s also a relief.




It seemed like the old economy was turning us into obsessive, compulsive, out of control creatures we politely call “consumers”.
Can anyone really say they’re surprised at what’s happening.
For years I’ve been conflicted about being a consumer.
We are caught up in a consumer society, we had to keep buying and consuming more and more stuff to keep the economy going (even if it made us sick in the process).
Maybe what we had was more like an addiction than an economy.
Are these falling stock markets a wake up call?



Call me an idealist for thinking about what we can become and the role that technology could play in helping us get there.
It’s always been an allegory about how technology can help us be who we want to be.
Tell me how you would like to be: kind, loving, considerate, well-balanced, humane… and let me run ahead on the path to do just that."

Stock markets are crashing on fears that global recession is at hand, yet in the process maybe we are waking up.
The same thing happened in the early 1900’s.
The world itself is a stock market.
It unfolds moment to moment (as it’s doing now) in bewildering and unpredictable ways and this is reported back to us in massive real-time flows of data, voice and video (like the information feeds coming out of a stock exchange).
These real-time flows show what’s happening and they show the effects of our actions as we act.
This is a mirror.



It is the world’s database, our common identity, the basis for discussing our mutual problems and our mutual opportunities.
All we need to do is look into the mirror and see who we are and see if we are becoming who we say we want to be (or not).
Something like Google Earth is just a hint of what our mirror could soon look like. Instead of the still pictures we see today, we could see moving pictures of world events from satellites and aerial drones as they happen.
The technology and the data flows already exist to make this a reality.
If we could see things happening as they happen would we learn faster?
Would we get better at going where we want to go?
Would it be easier to make the changes we need to make?



We should all look forward to the future and simply see that money is just part of the game to control us, but there is actually no need for it anymore.
I was discussing this matter with my colleague how is taking over in the night time hours. And we think in the same direction that this whole thing, moneywise, political and power is based on a truth we were made to believe, they could have kept us stupid if internet would not have become such a success. But still only some of us find out slowly, how whe have been tricked for so many years by a little elite group of manipulating people that profit from this modern slavery.



I have watched the movie zeitgeist and zeitgeist addendum and I think it is right time to start watching this and change your opinion.
Put the higlighted words in google and watch the movie (it is either subtitled or in your own language synchronised)
But let me warn you, this is not a video for persons that are being mentally unstable or afraid of changes. It is time for the big change very soon, as our old economy is falling apart.

The Old Sailor,