Idiots and lunatics surround us

Dear Blogger,

Has the world gone crazy or is it me?

It came to my mind when I was at work and saw a bunch of totally crazy people around me.
They have been drinking themselves out of their head, and smoked loads of marihuana.

But as usual I started thinking further that they are not the only ones on this planet, there are plenty of them. In all kinds and sorts and also in all kinds of functions: politicians, religic leaders, environmental guru’s and worst ones I think are the so called inbreeds and from the last group of people, we are getting more and more. It is surprising me that we still don’t have had bigger accidents than the wars and terror attacks that have taken place in recent history.



There is a time coming I fear that either the animals will take over or some lunatics will blow up the whole planet, both options are not that un natural if we look back in history.
Maybe the dinosaurs are coming back after a huge tsunami, most of the survivors in human beings will not live that long as there will be no more internet connection, so how can they survive when they can not google their way out. And communicating with other people, how is that working?
Because there is no skype, mobile network, or an active site like facebook.

Or the other option that they blow up the whole planet, this only needs a war and shooting missiles at eachother. It might happen even in the natural way, but that might be the hand of god?

Use the following link to do the test and find out if you are one of them?
http://www.addictinggames.com/theidiottest.html


This is the first page you will see if you use the link


The Old Sailor

There are female hormones in beer

This blog was posted in Dutch on 28-02-2008

Dear blogger,


Also I have lowered myself to the world of science, to find some facts and results.

But of course the part of scientific experiment is that the outcoming facts would bring something for myself aswell.
It has to bring us some profit otherwise it would have been a waste of money and time. Otherwise it would not add something to the future.


There are female hormones in beer !!!

Last weekend I was hanging out with a couple of mates in a pub and at certain point it became a philosophic conversation.
At a certain point one of them said that had read somewhere that beer contains alot of female hormones.
After having a good laugh about it, we decided to proof this matter and we will find out about the unbearable naked truth, of course purely in the name of scientific believes, we had to drink about 20 beers.
At the end of the experiment we had effectifly found the proof that beer is filled with female hormones.

01. We all gained weight.
02. We talked a lot, without saying anything.
03. We could not drive a car in a normal way, also parking became impossible.
04. We could not think logical anymore.
05. We could not admit that we were wrong, eventhough this was definitely the case.
06. All of us thought that 'she' the centre of the universe.
07. We had a headache and totally no lust for sex.
08. Our emotions where hardly controlabble.
09. We walked toghether holding hands or arms wrapped around to support eachoter.
10. We had to go to the toilet every 15 minutes, and most of the time all of us at the same point.

In the name of science we will test next week if rum has the same effect.



Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!


P.s point 03 does not have my full support.
I agree on the fact that a lot of women have the problem with things like parking, but the average woman drives better than a man as they are driving slower and drive with less potention to show off.
And they driving more carefully by looking more forward.
For example "I also have 2 kids in the backseat who i have to get home safely.”

Dangerous.................but lovely

The Birthday Present

This blog was posted in Dutch on the 18th of march 2008

The Birthday Present

Dear bloggers,

I did not dare to tell but my wife and spouce had the genious idea to get as a birthday present a new pneumatic drill for me....
Well... when i took off the giftwrapping, my mouth fell open of astonishment.
"And?" she said, "Do you like your gift, is it ok?" I stotterd something like "Thanks... very impressive.
"Where did you buy this thing actually?"
"From a friend who just came back from Afghanistan." She said.
"He has bought a huge amount of them overthere and sells them now in the West of Europe for peanuts."
I was totally shocked.
That bad that, when she said: "And now you finally gone hang up this pictureframe with the picture of my dad."
And i really got started with the users manual.

After an hour of studying some kind of outrages….. anger….yes…..anger, dear bloggers, a kind of outrages madness.
I could just control myself and asked her finely tuned: "And where on the wall did you want to have in mind to place this picture of your dad?" "Well overhere!" she said, and pointed me the place at the wall where on the other side definitely the neighbors livingroom would be.

The bang was overwhelming, the penetration abilities of the projectiel were unbelieveable and the aquarium of the neighbors was fully splintered into a million pieces.

Dear bloggers, I am writing you this letter from the prison.
They have – totally with no right at all – meant to lock me up as a dangerous idiot that i am actually not.
But you did know this, or? That i am not dangerous, i mean!

It is pretty lonely out here, dear bloggers. All conversations are about soccer, motorbikes and horny bitches, or molotovcocktails and how a human being can in a very suffistucated way bring a prison warden to the end of his life.
Not really 'My cup of tea'.

More than ever i need your support.
Send me letters and postcards and... and... packages with presents and... yes... those cakes and bread WITH ALL KINDS OF THINGS IN IT.... you know what i mean.
It doesn’t make sence to give you the openingtimes of the prison, as only my family is allowed to visit me.
Luckely my wife and spouce is coming every day to visit me.
She keeps outing herself in vague apoligies and asks over and over again. 'how this all could have happened?'

Until now i did not succeed to explain her the difference between a pneumatic drill and a ….. well, have a look at the picture.

Dear bloggers, i don’t see any way to get out of here.
I can not take this forever.
If they are gone take me to trial and ask me about the how and why, what should i say?
That i never meant to hit the neighbors wife and after that the aquarium?

The odds are against me.
I will never see you again.

I loved you all in a passionate way!
Your Old Sailor.

A bad hair day

Count all your blessings!!

Dear Blogger,

I just woke up and grinn to my face in the mirror, my hair looks like an exploded pillow.
Oh yes my dear bloggers i am having one of these bad hair days.



When i walk into the bathroom and threaten to wash my hairs, then my three women have taken care of the fact that there are five or six different kinds of shampoo are available.
Everytmie i am in doubt: do i have bold hair or dry hair or do i have in between hair?
If you ever go to the supermarket, just pay attention for once what they have in stock in so many different kinds and brands.



All good news so to say.
I hope that our next generation knows how to handle all this.
For the past decade, people have focused on the importance of clean drinking water. Purified drinking water reduces or eliminates chemicals found in normal tap water. However,the body derives its need for water from alternative sources, most notably while showering.
It is common practice in most of Europe to shower on a daily basis, sometimes more than once.



Unfortunately, most people are unaware that more chlorine is absorbed through the skin during the average shower than by drinking six to eight glasses of tap water. This may make one wonder,how clean is shower water?
Furthermore, chlorine and other water contaminants reduce the effectiveness of many shampoos, conditioners, lotions, oils and skin creams, leaving your skin dry and unnourished.
Any contact the body has with water is cause for concern.
Swimming pools and hot tubs use chlorine to kill bacteria.
Little thought is given to the effect on the human body.
Chlorine is a highly toxic element, which has the ability to denature protein.
All living organisms are made up of protein; so any living organism that comes in contact with sufficient quantities of chlorine is killed.
After swimming or showering you may notice that you have sore eyes, nose blockage, respiratory problems (such as asthma), cracking skin (hands and feet), or dry hair and an itchy scalp.
You may also feel tired and your skin might smell of chlorine for hours afterwards, even after showering.
Do not think I want to keep you away from getting clean by taking a shower, or talking a swim to relax.
But it is worth considering that in my young days, we went swimming in the lake and showered once a week all the other days you just washed yourself.
We were good for our body and saved the environment without knowing it.

Smelly people, live longer due to their higher resistance level.

The Old Sailor,

Navigation of Vaginazi

This blog was also posted in Dutch on june 20, 2008

Dear blogger,

All of a sudden the memories of last years holiday are popping into my head.
It is that time of year again, we are going on a holiday, a kind of car rally with two wining and fighting kids on the backseat.
And this is for many of us a yearly repeating ritual.
Luckely for me that I am allergic to everything that is called camping misery. Cocclusion no draggingmobile (caravan) for me.

The first heat is the roll play as this: I drive, my wife reads the map.
Somewhere along the way we drove in the wrong direction, but what the heck it is traffic jams all over.
Luckely we printed a clear route discription and this we will follow as good as possible.
Completely against all the instrictions given on the routeplanner that we have used, she decides all of a sudden that we have to take a left turn and............yes she knows it for sure.



It nearly becomes a serious fight, but wisely i am biting my lip and remeber that every comment that i want to give, might lead us towards a divorce.
From this moment the atmosphere is suffacated and the rest of the holidays i can forget about sex.(I am not even allowed to think about it.)
Everything that goes wrong from now on is my fault and I was the one that has planned this, so it is my problem.

It is so lovely and relaxing this so called holiday feeling.
For the next laps to come, we have decided that she will drive and I will read the map.
In the darkest hour of the night we finally found our destination.
Also the weather is the following days not my best friend as it is only pooring with rain, rain and nothing else but rain, even the locals have never ever experienced so much shitty weather.
Now can women do a lot of things but reading maps is a disaster.



I close my eyes and go to sleep….And get lost in pleasant way if i have to drive somewhere.
I am now seriously planning to buy a Tomtom.(Navigationbrand)

My wish for everybody: "have a lovely holiday season."


The Old Sailor,

ANNOUNCEMENT

Dear bloggers,

I will translate some of the old blogs as far as this is possible in English
Some of the Dutch readers might recognize the story from earlier times, but do not worrie; I will write new blogs in between as well.
I think that some of the stories worth it to be translated.

The Old Sailor,

Time to go back to school

The summer is nearly over and the kids need to go back to school, not a single day of their holiday they wanted to sleep in.
But of course today school was starting again and to get them out of bed was a crime.



Strange because six weeks long they were up before seven o’clock in the morning. Yes, all of a sudden we had to get up early and then my little princesses did not want to get out of bed.
All the things in live have a rythm.
At least that is what they say, but I am not a 100% sure about that.
Some days you never get into the rythm, eventhough you would love to.
A family life is not always easy, I must admit that it has it’s beautiful sides.
But some days are pretty heavy, youre not only dealing with the kids but also with your hard working spouce.



There is simply no rest at all in your situation.
If you make the choice to do nothing the world around starts to complain and looks angry at you.
In these kind of situations i envy all the single people.
But let us look on the bright side of life.
Now the kids have gone to school and my wife has gone to work, it is very quiet in the house.
And it is kind of lonely to be home on your own.



There is never a moment to escape from reality, it is always there.
I hope that i can get myself to do something today, as the weather outside is as depressing as my mood.
Of course we going to give it a try, but i am not expecting a lot that will come out of my hands.
I think it is the after-the-summer-holiday-depression-season


The Old Sailor,

Just because everybody is beautiful

Dear Bloggers,

Never judge anybody on their looks, nice people are not always looking nice.
Not everybody is a beauty on the outside, but some people are so beautiful inside



Here is a little food for thought:

There is so much beauty in life,
beauty in the soul,
beauty in the heart and in the mind
of the good man and woman.
There is beauty in nature,
beauty in the sky and in the clouds,
in the mountains and in the sea.
Beauty in true friendship.
And immeasurable beauty in love.
To delight us in this world.

I hope that you can find the beauty in your life.
And live as happy as possible.

The old Sailor,

Cause of all trouble

Dear Bloggers,


Nearly all problems, conflicts and wars in this world are caused by the 3 C’s

Church: Cause of all emotional and spiritual problems, done by the almighty one.


Cash: Cause all emotions and trouble that money and power can give.


Cunt: Cause of all emotians and trouble, where sexuality is saddled up with.


These three things have been studied by many others and there where only a few that could find denial in this matter.

My motto is: Live life as long it is there, pray for less fights, spend your last money on a drink and fuck if your life is on the line


p.s (I am rewriting and translating some of the blogs that i published earlier on my site in the Dutch language.)




The Old Sailor,

I am beautiful inside

Beautiful women date ugly guys.

And yes I must admit I am one of them, I think it is just the way that we have to live life. Some women that are too picky they will never find a way to keep a man.

Beauty is more important for women than men when it comes to breaking into Tinseltown. An ugly woman who wants to be a superstar virtually doesn’t have a shot; an ugly man only has a slightly harder time making it than his better looking counterparts. Hence, there is a decent amount of ugly men, but there are plenty of good looking women… so when they pair off, some of the better looking women inevitably end up with the not-so-cute guys.

I can’t think of many unfortunate looking women with good looking men.
Of course, there’s that thing called “personality” that often attracts people to one another, but for the sake of analysis, we’ll put good intentioned love aside.



This happens with real people, too. How many times do we look at the wedding pictures of someone else, and see the beautiful bride, and her not-so-much prince on a white horse kind of husband?



Perhaps this happens because women are less critical of men’s bodies than men are of women’s; this is in the sense that, yes, women do nag and complain.
And they are extremely demanding to get attention, men in that case are picky but they are not all loving themselves too much. It means that they will fully go for it but will not drown themselves in tears and stop eating, like a lot of women would do.

Even, look at the respective pornographic magazines aimed towards the genders. The women in Playboy have “perfect” bodies to the point that they don’t look like real women, whereas the models in Playgirl often have little bulges and occasionally excessive body hair.

Perhaps women are genuinely more attracted to a man’s personality, his heart, and his shared interests?
Also, but a not-so-hot man’s money can do a lot of the persuading that his looks can’t.

Has anyone else noticed this?

The Old Sailor

For all the happy parents

Dear Bloggers,

Here we go with the first blog in English.
On board we can really sense it, the so called holiday atmosphere.
The weather is pretty good and our passengers are in a happy mood.
A big help is that the sea is extremely calm and the only movement you can feel is that we are going forward, although some people are getting motion sickness all the time.
I must admit that all our crew members are very busy at this time of the year.
But we are still having fun.
The only thing that is happening that not all families are as organized as they should be.
And some parents will never understand that there kids are the most precious things they can have in live, even though they can be trouble sometimes.
The poor little things are getting lost on this big ship.
Something I can still not understand is how you can loose a child?

Lucky enough for these parents, we are bunch of caring mums and dads who are working on board to make a living for our families.
So the missing kids are in good hands with us.
We are always finding the parents back, if a child is lost.
When we can find out the child's name the problem is solved quickly.
Unfortunately I must say that the parents from this generation, hardly say "thank you."
We just keep up the good work and get them back to were they belong.

Dear people, be more careful in this cruel world, it is embarrassing that you loose a part of yourself.

The Old Sailor