The Birthday Present

This blog was posted in Dutch on the 18th of march 2008

The Birthday Present

Dear bloggers,

I did not dare to tell but my wife and spouce had the genious idea to get as a birthday present a new pneumatic drill for me....
Well... when i took off the giftwrapping, my mouth fell open of astonishment.
"And?" she said, "Do you like your gift, is it ok?" I stotterd something like "Thanks... very impressive.
"Where did you buy this thing actually?"
"From a friend who just came back from Afghanistan." She said.
"He has bought a huge amount of them overthere and sells them now in the West of Europe for peanuts."
I was totally shocked.
That bad that, when she said: "And now you finally gone hang up this pictureframe with the picture of my dad."
And i really got started with the users manual.

After an hour of studying some kind of outrages….. anger….yes…..anger, dear bloggers, a kind of outrages madness.
I could just control myself and asked her finely tuned: "And where on the wall did you want to have in mind to place this picture of your dad?" "Well overhere!" she said, and pointed me the place at the wall where on the other side definitely the neighbors livingroom would be.

The bang was overwhelming, the penetration abilities of the projectiel were unbelieveable and the aquarium of the neighbors was fully splintered into a million pieces.

Dear bloggers, I am writing you this letter from the prison.
They have – totally with no right at all – meant to lock me up as a dangerous idiot that i am actually not.
But you did know this, or? That i am not dangerous, i mean!

It is pretty lonely out here, dear bloggers. All conversations are about soccer, motorbikes and horny bitches, or molotovcocktails and how a human being can in a very suffistucated way bring a prison warden to the end of his life.
Not really 'My cup of tea'.

More than ever i need your support.
Send me letters and postcards and... and... packages with presents and... yes... those cakes and bread WITH ALL KINDS OF THINGS IN IT.... you know what i mean.
It doesn’t make sence to give you the openingtimes of the prison, as only my family is allowed to visit me.
Luckely my wife and spouce is coming every day to visit me.
She keeps outing herself in vague apoligies and asks over and over again. 'how this all could have happened?'

Until now i did not succeed to explain her the difference between a pneumatic drill and a ….. well, have a look at the picture.

Dear bloggers, i don’t see any way to get out of here.
I can not take this forever.
If they are gone take me to trial and ask me about the how and why, what should i say?
That i never meant to hit the neighbors wife and after that the aquarium?

The odds are against me.
I will never see you again.

I loved you all in a passionate way!
Your Old Sailor.