Just another rainy day

Dear Bloggers,

When it was time to leave after working late hours, I rushed to my car and immediately drove home. On the highway, halfway home, the rain began a heavy downpour. It covered everything on my windshield. The heavy rain made it so hard for me to see anything in the road. My windshield wipers could hardly do the job. The radio played Bruce Springsteen's song Tougher than the rest... I dozed off into memory lane back to my younger days when I was a Teen and Cowboy movies came on television. Smoking and drinking were not seen as bad habits. In my younger days I smoked dark tobacco and yes I rolled my own cigarettes. Furthermore I worked as a bartender in a local club so drinking was a common thing as well. And trying some soft drugs was also part of my youth. Not being afraid of what this could cause to my health as we did not know anything about the risks because there was no education about smoking, drinking only about drugs we knew that the hard stuff like heroin could cause a lot of damage. 

I remember that we got to see the movie Wir Kinder vom Bahnhof Zoo the story of the teenager Christiane F. who got addicted to hard drugs. This made me realize that drugs could do more damage than what I was aware of. Still I kept on smoking and drinking for several years as the only thing that changed over the years is that I became a Sailor. And yes we all know how sailors are. Well that picture is wrong I can tell you as the work at sea became in the last decades a more dry environment. In the last years of my career at sea there was zero tolerance policy on the ship and that was simply risking your job when you had to come to the bridge for a breathalyser test. Only smoking was a hard to stop habit as crew members still could buy cheap smokes. Some steam engines must have been pretty jealous of me. My engine was running for many hours a day.

When I left the ship I was still smoking a lot but as timeshedules became tighter and it became stressful to find breaks to get a smoke. I decided to stop smoking and that was easier said than done. Somehow after a few fails, I succeeded. It is approx. Ten years now that I stopped and I still can enjoy the smell of smokers that are standing outside at the station. No my life did not become boring it just made many changes in a hard way due to my wife falling ill in that same period. It started all on the day when I slipped on the top of the staircase and ended up in hospital and they told me that I've been lucky that didn't break my neck. As my speech was shattered and I wasn't able to speak any of my foreign languages anymore. 

With some hard work of specialists and some dear friends I recovered and after a couple of years I was back on the ship again. Something in my mind had changed and I became a bit of different person and I took life a bit more serious. When I left the life at sea in 2009 I took my time to decide what to do next. I got my driving license for the bus and started the education for commuter buses in the spring of 2010. I still was a smoker but not that heavy as in my sailing days. Drinking I did only on Holidays and free weekends. 

 

And then I was after a few years one of the regular temps that worked for the same company but in a different town. I enjoy still every minute as this job is bringing as much joy as during my days at sea. I love to take the mickey out of people and yes I still give service whenever possible that's just part of who I am. But when the wind is howling around my bus and rain is smashing in my windshield, the old sailor in me is waking up and salty water is running through my vanes. My face is having that special smile towards passengers and comfort them with the feeling not to worry with me at the steering wheel. And yes bad weather on the road is sometimes as tough as bad weather at sea. You only miss the monstrous waves and the challenge of walking in a straight way. Handling the wheel of bus is different kind of discipline but still a challenge to stay on the narrow roads. 

The only thing is when I have to drive home in this kind of weather I am really being homesick and those days at sea will never return as slowly but surely I am reaching the days that I growing older and my kids are becoming the grown ups in this brand new world which didn't become a lot prettier. They have much more to worry about. Probably they could not life their lives like I did. As the heating in the car seat is doing it's job as a lower back pain reliever. I realize that those days are long gone and my trip down memory lane is the only thing that I have left. No one will take these memories from me. Everyday being home is also worth a lot. There will be some nights that I am driving home in severe weather and my heart is crying a little bit for not being a sailor anymore.

Even though the visibility through my windshield was poor due to the heavy rainfall, I still continued to drive, hoping that I didn't get into an accident on the road. I knew as soon as the rain would come down in a more normal way, it will increase my visibility and chances of getting home safe and sound. Just remember that speed isn't anything it's the matter of getting there.

The Old Sailor,

The Old Vase

Dear Bloggers,

Finally, after a time of moving and renovating (not yet completely finished), I find the peace of mind to start writing again and yes, I have neglected your readers for quite a long time. I therefore hope that you can pick up the thread again and I hope you have not missed me that much. I will try to write again on a more regular base. As you probably know, my love has a complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder due to her work. She has been completely demolished mentally by two managers at the Royal Telecom Company. It is very sad to see that someone is being robbed of their independence and that those people just get away with it. Lawyers do not see much in a lawsuit and these big companies have so much power that it will be a waste of money to fight for about two years and come to a tipping point what we would call a settlement in the Netherlands. And then I am not even talking about the mental scars that will be ripped open again especially for my wife. No, I want to save her this pain. However, I will try to express what it feels like for us as a family.

Over the years, I have started to dig in deeper into the background of psychology and that a person can put a lot of situations into perspective. A requirement is that you dare to expose yourself and you're not afraid of the opinions of others. You must also be open to slow but certain developments and absolutely continue to believe in yourself and your partner. Together you can achieve a lot, if you are only there for each other.

“I first heard of a psychologist and later a colleague at work about having in-depth conversations. That colleague then benefited greatly from the talks. So I decided to go to therapy. At first only for my wife, but it made me increasingly angry. It was the unfairness of some jerk who thought that if someone did not leave, he would have to take care of it personally. What a nauseous game was played and nobody did a thing. I went with her to the conversations every time. When the therapy that my wife got was still not finished after two years, the discussions continued on and on, but there was not much added value for me. My wife was sliding into a deeper and darker inner person and more and more went to work alone with the therapist. After a huge crisis where she left home and hopped in the car in deep state of dissociation. As we did not know how this would end we called the police and they were looking out for her. Lucky enough she came to her senses and drove back home. The therapist was called and the therapist is now coming at home and therefore she did not have to come with me anymore. ”

“Initially I was rather skeptical about psychosocial in the beginning
support. "I really don't need that." In retrospect, it helped us a lot. We both received concrete and practical tips for our way of thinking. They were often very small and simple things. Of those things that I thought: why didn't I come up with this ideas myself? "

As an example, the therapist draws a vase, which during
the therapy would serve as a metaphor.

This requires some explanation, I think:
"In a" normal "situation, this vase is filled with a lot of energy.
But this vase of ours has a very ugly and deep crack, which drains the energy. This makes the leaves fall off. A solution had to be found here.

At one point she felt a little better again; and her energy was somewhat replenished. Bold that she was, she walked around thinking: "I am as good as new and I am feeling actually better" and went back to her old routines as she was used to. But the vase soon became empty again. That hole first had to be fixed. In the meantime I have learned to think differently and I now deal with it differently. We now distribute our energy better and in a different way. ”

“Occasionally, during the conversations with the psychiatrist and the therapist, it was rather deep in the past. The way of thinking becomes
also formed by what you have experienced. Where the hell does all this fear come from? What gives rise to those gloomy thoughts? Why do you sometimes see things that are not there at all? What are you doing? What do you think? One hundred questions and nothing really changed the lack of energy was every session the biggest problem. In the beginning, the conversations were quite heavy and in the beginning we had to stop often enough halfway. And despite the intensity, the conversation was often uplifting. After such a conversation, we always went on happy. Then we had the feeling: it is heavy but maybe it is not so bad. "

"When we were advised to do more with mindfulness, I thought," that is all too vague to me and really not for me ". But I tried and it helped. We have learned to put things and events into perspective more and more and it gave us both peace. Also in my job as a bus driver where I occasionally meet young people who have been marked for life by stupid harassment, like being bullied. I could put the world around me in perspective a little better. ”

The old porcelain vase that was always so dear to me because it was so beautiful and graceful, we still tried to put the pieces together and glue them together, but even if we did the job so precisely when you look closer you will still see the cracks and the energy is slowly but surely running out of the cracks. It will never be the same again. 

 

Now we have learned that the old vase can no longer be saved, it must be replaced by a beautiful new transparent thin glass vase. "The vase comes like in the good old days on the foreground just like before and it is our new vase," Although the new vase is more fragile than the old one and we have to be careful as it cannot contain as much energy as the old vase. Just let me explain that. The new vase is elegant, fragile and transparent, so you can see that it contains energy. Water gives energy to the flowers. The broken vase has been renewed. Now we have to try to save the withered flowers that have been damaged. We only can try?

The Old Sailor,

Moving house and moving town

Dear Bloggers,

My blog has been on pause for a couple of months due to the fact that we have moved to another town in the North of the Netherlands. We finally sold our property and we moved in to a smaller city home which needs more then a bit of work. But our lives became a bit easier for my spouse and we can afford the price of it. The sale went pretty quick and we had only little time to move on and find us a new place to live. So we are still struggling with the refurbishing process.

Let me take you back about 40 years in time. The house I grew up in had a pretty limited square metres, something I notice every time I visited my parents. The living room is very small and the kitchen is pretty tiny as well.Anyway it was tiny but it was very cozy.

I grew up there with my parents and two older sisters and an older brother. There were also periods where kids who were in the middle of divorce troubles at home and they found a loving and caring home at my mother’s place and my dad had a pony stable and they were to us something like “younger brothers or sisters that just lived with us, too. It was cozy at times, to say the least.
Yet, when I look back on it, I don’t have any bad memories of living there. I don’t recall any situation where things were made uncomfortable due to the smallness of the house. There was always somewhere I could go for privacy. There was always enough room to do things together as a family..

The house we lived until last week was much larger, but the story is much the same. I lived here with my wife and we have two children. I don’t have any bad memories of living here, nor is there any situation where things are really uncomfortable. There is always room for privacy. Only problem was that I could not feel at home here as the house was new and had no charisma according to me.

So, why the bigger house? What does this bigger house provide me that the smaller house that I grew up in doesn’t provide for me? Honestly, the biggest benefit of a larger house is that it provides a lot of room for more stuff. This house offers storage attic, a garage with a huge amount of storage, and big rooms with plenty of room for storage-oriented furniture (like bookshelves).
Naturally, when you have storage space, you tend to fill it. We’ve lived in this house since 2003 and, in drips and drabs, we’ve slowly filled up that storage space.
 

Recently, however, I’ve been thinking more and more about the house I grew up in. In some ways, it’s actually not all that different than the house I’d like to retire in, except with perhaps one more nice room to entertain guests in and a slightly larger kitchen. I would even consider moving into the perfect smaller house right now, even with growing children, And I think that we have found the right one.

So, why would I even consider downsizing? For me, it really comes back to two key things.

That connects to the reason, which is that maintaining a larger house takes more time. It takes more time to clean. There are more things that can break and need to be fixed. There are more things that simply need attention. And since my wife got ill a smaller place is easier for all.

Another reason: The property taxes are higher. The insurance is higher. The maintenance costs are higher. Sure, it’s theoretically growing equity at a faster rate, but that doesn’t help with out-of-pocket costs, and I’m not convinced at all that the growth in the value of the house makes up for the much higher insurance costs and maintenance costs and property taxes.

In other words, living in a smaller home means lower housing bills and more free time, both of which sound appealing to me.
Some people view their homes as a status symbol.
Having a big house is not the sign I look for to indicate to myself that I’m successful. I look at other things. Am I engaged in work that I enjoy? Do I have time for leisure and relaxation? Do I have a good relationship with the people closest to me? That, to me, is success.

Because of that, I don’t feel an external need to own a large house. Several years ago, I did, hence the purchase of our current relatively large house. That sense of a house providing an internal or external sense of status has faded greatly in my mind and, with it, the driving desire to own a large home has faded as well.

Finding the Right Balance

So let’s say I was actually in the market to buy a smaller house. My intent would be to buy this new house, sell our current house, and pocket the difference in value, then enjoy the lower bills and lower time investment. Makes sense, right?

The first problem that pops up is finding the right size. I’m obviously open to a smaller house, but how small?

The challenge that’s left, then, is to deal with the stuff we’ve accumulated over the years in our current home. The boxes in our closets. The furniture in rarely-used rooms. The loft and the shelves in the garage full of all kinds of items.

 
What do we do with all of that stuff?
Closets need to be emptied out and organized. This actually includes a lot of different categories of things, so let’s look at each of those categories.We need to shred old papers. We have several boxes of old papers that simply need to be shredded. At this point, electric bills from 2009 serve no real purpose, especially since we have digital copies of those things. They simply need to be shredded and properly disposed of, which is itself a sizable task.
We need to honestly evaluate our lesser-used items. Almost every closet in our home is full of items that we rarely use. This is a tricky problem because it’s so easy to envision uses for those items, but the honest reality is that we rarely – if ever – use those things.

The challenge, then, is to break through the visions of using the items to the reality that we don’t actually use those items, and that can be trickier than it sounds.

We need to smartly organize the stuff we’re keeping. An unorganized space means that stuff takes up more space than it otherwise would and/or some things are not easily accessible. A well-organized space means everything takes up minimal space while still being easily accessible. Our closets and other storage spaces tend toward the former, unfortunately.

Once we figure out what items we’re actually holding onto, some serious reorganization of our closets and storage spaces need to occur. Things like temporary shelves, wire racks, clearly-labeled boxes, and so on are definitely in order. Think of it as a proving ground of sorts for the concept of having a smaller home.


The idea of moving – and losing such close access to those things – is something that none of them enjoy. I personally don’t have anything that ties me to this location nearly as much, but my family’s needs are pretty important to me.

Second, there is no additional reason to move beyond the time and money savings from a reduced house footprint. We have no reason to move for work. We have no reason to move for school. We have no reason to move for social reason. We have only a real reason to move for improved access to help for my wife. Our new and current location is pretty good in all of those regards.

While I think a smaller home would definitely hit a somewhat sweeter spot, when I compare our home to some of the much larger ones that are in some of the newer housing developments nearby, our home seems pretty modest by comparison. Our energy bills are what I would consider quite reasonable (especially compared to what we paid when we first moved in) and our property taxes and insurance rates aren’t going to improve drastically unless we move much further away from nearby cities.

Finally, it’s honestly going to be a lot of work and we’re already pretty time-strapped. This is more of a “resistance” thing than a real reason for not moving, but without a compelling reason to move forward on it, this kind of “resistance” is powerful at holding a person back from making a move.
So, if the decision is essentially made for us to downsize, what’s the benefit of even thinking about it like this?

 

Well, first of all, no one’s life is guaranteed to ever be the same forever. Over time, many of those factors that work against moving into a smaller home are going to shift and move us toward a smaller home. When our children grow older and leave the nest, many of the factors that encourage us to stay in this house are going to shift and encourage us to downsize. It’s also good to have a smart plan in place if we ever need to downsize for financial reasons or for other personal reasons.

No we have moved and I look back to my younger self, and we bought a smaller house, I’ve sat down and bought
something just a bit smaller with a totally different layout.

 

That house would cost less. It would have lower property taxes and lower insurance. It would also require less time and effort for maintenance. And I wouldn’t actually lose any genuinely useful living space.

Would I listen? Probably not. What I would hope for instead is that I would give more careful thought about my home purchase and what we really needed, which in the end is the purpose of this post.

If you’re considering a home purchase, give some thought to a home on the smaller end of the spectrum. A smaller home will save you money and save you time and it’ll likely not reduce the living space you use every day.

Good luck it will be your choice anyway



The Old Sailor,

Time for a time out

Dear Bloggers.

Due to the fact that my computer is having some trouble and we are being busy during the holiday season.
That is the reason why my blog is on hold for the coming months so I will tell my stories again in the new year.

See You in the year 2018

The Old Sailor,

Tough times and a tough life

Dear Bloggers,



Tough times happen to all of us. No matter how strong or powerful or confident we are, tough times will come: viciously forcing their might on us, causing us to crumble. As mighty as we can feel one day, we can feel just as lost and scared the next.

I don’t say this to cause fear, I say it because it’s unfortunately the truth. The hardest part of tough times is not to lose hope. And even though it isn't easy you have to carry on.

I’ve felt trapped like being under a pile of rubble, no light seeping through, and the rescue workers weren’t coming to save me. It’s a feeling mixed with loss, fear and deflated dreams.

The amazing thing about life (and I’m never going to understand how) is that as long as you’re breathing, you still have a small chance to survive. I don’t care whether you think it’s God, the Universe, or a couple of alien civilizations playing games with us, you always have a chance.

Understand why You are experiencing tough times, But be grateful for what you still have. Yes it sounds easier then it ever will be.

Telling you to be grateful is almost starting to sound cliche. Everybody says it, yet not a lot of people take the time to do it. It’s easy to get lost in cluttered thoughts filled with tumbled-down hope and feel sorry for ourselves, so I understand why we generally don’t make the effort to be grateful. 

But being grateful really helps. It pulls you back into the present moment, allowing you to put your troubles on the back burner, even if it’s for just a short time. It doesn’t matter how you choose to be grateful. You can write out ten things right now you’re grateful for. You can sing to the heavens all the beautiful aspects of your life. You can take a big, giant breath, hold it for ten seconds, give it a powerful exhale and yell, “Yes! I’m grateful for this breath.”

I don’t care, just be grateful, period. If you’re struggling to come up with anything, remember you are, in fact, still alive. That won’t last forever, so take extreme advantage of it.

Remember all the previous tough times You’ve battled through and how You got out of them

You’ve been through your fair share of tough times, am I right? I thought so.

What I find interesting is that you’re still here. You made it through your past tough times even when they probably felt a lot similar to the tough time you’re experiencing right now. Why should this tough time be any different?

Think back for a moment. What positively helped you through? Was it a book, friend, or a family member???? Go back to what helped you through the last tough time. Was there something you did that helped? Just revisit that.

Personally, Bob Marley’s music has always helped me during my tough bouts. It calms me, puts me in a more hopeful mood. But I can get so lost in my struggles sometimes that I forget about Bob’s music. It’s not until I’m proactive about my struggles that I tap into past sources of inspiration and guidance.

Embrace your tough times and explore what options exist to create an even better life. 

 

During tough times you simply can’t give up, ever. Even during the toughest times you must keep your hopes alive by pushing through. Work on what needs to get done, try and build some momentum, and then build on it further.

The last thing you should be doing is quitting, which I slightly hesitate to say because there are some very good reasons to quit sometimes. If You will give up everything is lost.

If you’re passionate about what you want to do, then don’t quit.
If you’re losing your life because of it, well, you don’t have to quit, but take a break from it and get your life back together.
One of my little secrets with my writing is that I write out of my heart and not out of fear. I’m not scared to death every time I type up a story. 

Am I going to make enough money to survive the coming month together with my family, my wife, our kids and our dogs? Is anybody going to even read this one? Is what I’m writing worthwhile, or is it hogwash? Yes my little list of insecure questions goes on and on. 

Somehow I cannot figure out if I do this for fun or do I hope that I will be discovered and earn some cash this way?

If you have been out on a rough sea, you can deal with this tough times as well. So just always keep your head up, believe in yourself, and take life head on.

The Old Sailor,

My good old typewriter

Dear Bloggers,

Yes, you should think your Old Sailor is out of his mind (crazy = mentally ill) because a few days ago I wrote some strange scribbles on this computer, I have writers cramps or a writers block and I walked around with the thought maybe it's time I'll stop writing for a while, but this I have to write this thoughts off from my mind.

Please, hold on for a second and then the lamp will probably fade out forever. No this is not a promise, I am not going to do anything, it's just a subject that matters suddenly and that subject is so tempting that I can not let it go.

In addition to the problems with my computer, I am lying awake about this in the nightly hours, but obviously aside. I had my memory on the run, just to think about the good old time when we used the good old-fashioned typewriter. Do you still know how that was, Dear fellow bloggers? 

Then you just pushed a button and that button put a lever with a letter in mirror image in operation on the end of the lever. That same lever with that letter "punched" first a ribbon that was soaked with ink and finally came to the paper (TICK!). If you wanted to enter a new line for the next sentence, you gave a yank on the big lever and the roll that serves the paper just bumped with a click. 

Without a doubt, I was able to watch this for hours when my wife took a seat behind the machine and typed flawless letters with over 200 hits per minute. Here I am still jealous with. She is ticking with ten fingers at once and I type with up to four fingers at the same time. The writing itself takes me little effort but my thoughts go a lot faster than I am able to type.

I saw this as a simple person with a simple background this all happen.

And how are you doing this now? You push a button and suddenly a letter appears on the screen. But how?!? I always think so how is that letter just the right one? Something like that. Do you have that too? No, you probably do'nt, because you have been using this for so long that you do not even stand still about this anymore. And if that letter does NOT appear, look, I'll get pretty upset, because I will not get it. I will scream and shout to the damn machine and throw things to the screen. Yes, I did not really understand how that letter came there into the first place, so how could I figure out how it will NOT happen again? Can you follow my reasoning a little bit, Dear bloggers? Or should I make little a drawing again?!?

So, what I really wanted to say: if a man has a troubled relation with his computer, then a specialist needs to be found, your whole machine is being in a heap and everything is being overlooked, or maybe even worse, it will be completely emptied and then it will be started up again. It's for a guy like me as if there is an illusionist on the job who makes the big Houdini acts blurred, and it's so cleared and cleaned up that no cat who would find her kittens back in it. Oh, it's on the good Lord's name all a big box of misery.

I've been running around with the vague plans for a few days to follow a computer course after which I could empty my computer or reset my computer myself. A good laugh.(I could not do magic tricks either in my younger years, so this is probably also an illusion or what is it called?) and so in the end it would have everything under control. However, I work in a kind of team system, at which time I am sometimes at 04:30 hrs. there to start my job and then the other week I will be around 02:30 hrs. home.

How do I have to drag it all on board and put it in place, Yes dear bloggers? Good advice is pretty expensive.

I sometimes think seriously about my old typewriter and dig it out of the dirt heaps in the attic where it is covered. Look, that's a good example of getting old! Isn't it, dear bloggers?

The Old Sailor.

(Mechanically thinking person and slightly strange type.)