My mobile teenage kid

Dear Bloggers,


Today I am going to write about my “mobile hooked” teenage daughter. A few years ago we gave her a mobiole phone so she could reach us whenever it was needed. And yes stupid us (the parents) did not change her account as she was not using it for anything else yet. When I got the last phone bill I nearly got a heart attack. I explained to her that everything she does is costing us money and yes she could have asked us if it was ok that she was using internet on her phone and that she was texting a lot with her friends.



We had a tough conversation with the three of us. (my daughter, my wife and me) I explained to her that she had been using her phone so much the last month and in cash she used what I would be doing in a whole year. We agreed that we should look for a more suitable contract and a different phone that can log on to the modem at home. Further the phone will be used only during the day and at bedtime it will not go to the bedroom. I will not have a teenager in my house who is on call 24/7. As I have met already several teens that are completely hooked to their cell phones. And yes I understand that living in the countryside as a teenager is bloody boring. Is there anything that you can do in their empty life?


Lack of sleep gives this effect

Teenagers! Always on call. Especially here in this small towns with “nothing to do”, where many of them—we’ve come to discover thanks to the good old fashioned local newspapers —sleep with mobile phones under their pillow. Important texts (“Seeing if you’re awake”) simply cannot be missed!

Teenagers are texting all the live long day and continue to do so even when they enter their Twilight-covered sleeping chambers for what sounds like the most restless, unproductive, vibration-under-the-pillow sleep I’ve ever heard of:

At home my nearly twelve year old daughter did the same she slept with her mobile phone under her pillow so she doesn’t miss “emergency” texts – “like if a friend broke up with her boyfriend.” Her schoolfriend is doing the same and is also available for urgent overnight correspondence, such as, “Hey, seeing if you’re awake.” My daughter produced and got as many as 100 texts while in bed. “I just don’t feel like myself if I don’t have my phone near me or I’m not on it,” she said. (We did not know it and explained her that there is more in real life.)



This semi-sleep is being dubbed “on call” by teens, parents and doctors at the local Hospital in Heerenveen, where they are seeing an alarming number of inexplicably exhausted children admitted for evaluation. Yes, you read that correctly! Kids these days are texting so often they’re actually disrupting Stage 4 REM sleep. This is the same stage of sleep that’s important for processing the day’s learning experiences so, yes, in this case mobile phones literally are affecting children’s brains and making them dumber.

And lest you think this is just that I am trying to create a trend out and that I am a grumpy old and irritated bus driver than I can tell you, it’s not! The Central Bureau for Statistics, which is an organisation in the Netherlands that researches things, reports that in a 2010 study on teen mobile phone usage, four in five teens reported sleeping with their bedazzled Blackberrys and iPhones or other kind of Smartphones next to their beds. Some even reported falling asleep with the device still in their hand. Can you imagine how that last one went down?


Application called Data Counter

“Dear Jenny, it’s Kelly. Can you believe Rob? I mean OMG WTF!1!. Did you see how he was looking at…” Zzzz…

Holy crap, Kelly! Wake the fuck up! We need to know what Rob did with what’s her face! Stop sleeping! That’s a sign of weakness! And yes, weakness was purposefully chosen, by me, for that sentence, for this reason:

Sometimes teens answer late-night calls and messages less out of excitement than fear. In focus groups convened by the CBS, some teens related stories of friends or acquaintances who became angry or insulted when text messages or phone calls weren’t immediately returned. “As a result, many teens we heard from said they feel obligated to return texts and calls as quickly as possible, to avoid such tensions and misunderstandings,” the report said.


Application Kiwi to keep track of mobile usage for € 0.99

The data only gets worse from there. A medical centre study found that teens average 33.5 emails and texts per night and are often woken from a sound sleep by a message.They discovered that teens sending more than 120 texts per day were more likely to get less than the recommended eight hours of sleep per night and doze off in class.

I’l end this little tirade with what must be the saddest quote from a teenager I’ve read in a long, long while, take it away:

“When I’m texting someone I don’t feel alone. When you don’t have your phone, you feel incomplete.”

OMG (omg means Oh My God) what the hell is happening. You know another way you can not be alone? By standing next to a real, live person and talking to them. Also, where the heck are the parents?



The names I used are fictive just to give you an idea of what teens are chatting about, as I do not like to see anyone being harmed by their parents as they might read this blog. And that is absolutely not the plan. I think that we as parents should learn and read more about how our kids are growing up in a fast and dangerous mobile and internet world. Our lives were in that case a lot simpler those days. At least try to keep track of what your kids are doing and try to keep track of their costs. I made a plan with provider KPN to keep track of data and text usage with some simple to install Android apps and of course we have changed her contract which can be adjusted every month.

Try to be a good mobile parent and explain to your teenager kid that things you do cost money. In Dutch we would say: “De zon komt op voor niks en gaat zinloos onder.” I will try to translate The Sun rises for nothing and will go down useless.

The Old Sailor,

The day that I nearly lost everything.

Dear Bloggers,

So here's the scenario. About a year ago I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and I did get the the Talk. The doctor in question gives a lot of these talks, and is determined that we shouldn't miss a single word. We are shown a figure with red dots for the trigger points, and she begins to describe what's happened, in mind-numbing detail. I mention that I'm a guy that learned some Latin and Medical terms had my interrest for a long time, and I knew about Rheumatic problems already quite a few things as I have been strawling through medical books and of course on the internet. We have to listen. To all of it. She is, she tells us, the expert, and no-one for miles around knows as much about Rheuma as she does (My doc at home does probably know nothing at all at least I share that opinion).

I kind of loose my temper a bit as I realize that I am stuck on this bloody sickness for the rest of my days, The doc ignores me and disappears for a short while. We might need her again in the future whispers my wife and I am ashamed of myself. Due to the fact that there will be not much progress in the coming year, I will definately lose my job and have less income. My boss is giving me notice and I can sense that this is difficult for both of us. I had so much fun doing this job but my body decided in a hard way that this was not going o work any longer. I hated myself for quite a while and had to get my feet back on the ground and suite myself with a new style of living. A slower and more balanced life would do myself good. I will compare to someone that is stuck in a body of an eighty years old man who has been working hard all his live but now his worn out body is holding him back due to pain all over. Accepting it is not that easy, the pain is something you learn to live with. My wife told me one day that no one is getting happier when I am complaining, I guess that she was right so I stopped doing that.

The doctor returns, I apologise very nicely (as I have been instructed by my wife), and we proceed. We are told again that we need to come back for some more tests on Monday. We are given some booklets to read ourselves and that was it. Totally devistated we leave the doctors room. All of a sudden some horrific pictures of the worst case scenario run through my brain (a man like me with what looks like a wheelchair and his head is hanging down on his chest; I'm still not sure what that was supposed to be).

In the time being at home, I worked myself back up to certain level and got back to work. I started a job to become a bus driver on a commuters bus for the summer season. If it would not work out with my body and brain, I could simply pull the plug as I am hired through a temps office. In the beginning it was hell as I had to stick a lot of information into my brain which was still foggy due to the amount of medication that I have been using to settle the pain level. I look at it as a drug user that becomes clean, that also takes a couple of weeks before the brain is clear again. 

The money is coming back in although the amount is lower and deducted from my dole money of course. Our holiday? we can simply skip as I am hired for the summer season. Again I feel tears burning as I cannot spend money on my loved ones. That's ok, says she and my kids are fine with it, I still feel like that I am failing somehow. We cannot go on our holiday, maybe next year. Whe sat down one evening when I was still home, we decided to sell this beautiful house and buy something a bit smaller as cleaning and doing the garden became to much for me and for my wife it is too much too handle on her own. Certainly we like to get a reasonable price for it, but still it is not been sold. But what about the housing market after the recession banks do not dare to take any risks anymore. In the mean time we are still living here and although the garden is getting more and more a mess. I mow the lawn and my eldest daughter is helping me with it. The rest of the garden is not in a great condition. Ah, That's ok, because we can sell it for abit less and move on. Hmmm......sounds like my wife gave up on it too. We have seen a nice house on internet with enough space for all of us and with a suitable garden. We would get on a lower mortgage and we could save a few euros to go out for a long weekend. That would be at least long enough for me. 

Well, at least we can sit at home and read... 

The Old Sailor,

When people stop talking.....it is awfully quiet on the bus

Dear Bloggers,

As the common readers know that I am driving commuters busses from town to town in the Northern regions of the Netherlands. During one of my journeys as a bus driver it all of a sudden came to me, I looked in the mirror to overview my passengers and even this ride is more than 40 kilometres absolutely no one was talking to any of the other passengers. I really started wandering what these people were doing during this long journey. I decided to observe each passenger closely for a while. Several are having earphones in and listen to music, others are pretty busy typing messages on there smart phones. Only one young lady was reading a book and two of them were dozed off into better dreams as they had a smile on their faces. One girl in the mirror stared back at me and had a bit of a gazed look in her eyes, problem was that she was sitting half way the bus otherwise we probably had chit chatted about the things that bother us in life. To me it occured that she was kind of disappointed in her fellow travellers or maybe she wanted to talk to someone but simply did not know how to start a conversation?



Twitter is cool. Wikis are neat. Hyves is, hmmm, good? And email is email. Facebook is also pretty usefull when friends live hundreds of kilometres away from you. These tools are all useful in helping us communicate with each other when we’re separated by great distances. They help us bridge the gap by providing fast, efficient means of communication. It doesn’t get more efficient than Twitter’s 140 character limit. But take a close look at these tools. They all share a common characteristic. They’re all based on written communication. Okay facebook has a chat option but I do not use it that much. While the written word may be very efficient for transferring information, it is not very effective at persuading people or making a real impact. And there is a tremendous difference between being effeicient and being effective..


Sure, we transfer the information that something is wrong and needs to be corrected. But that’s all we do, transfer information. Emails, Tweets, Wikis, and Hyves don’t help us move others to action. Action, not information, is what moves us toward continuous improvement and success. And nothing moves people to action more than the spoken word.

The written word is the information channel and speaking is the action channel.

Speaking is like a multichannel Surround Sound experience, in which dozens of channels simultaneously feed information to the human mind. These various channels communicate a richly textured, multilayered message from speaker to listener. These channels consist of :

· Posture

· Facial expression

· Energy level

· Eye communication

· Vocal inflection

· Vocal intonation

· Volume

· Gestures and other physical actions

· And more

All of these non-verbal cues help transfer not just the information of the narrative, but the emotion and urgency of the message. They do so more effectively than any number of !!!‘s or URGENT‘s in an email can ever do. And it’s this emotion, this passion, this energy of verbal communication that motivates and persuades others to action. When you come to understand this basic premise, you then understand why communication, VERBAL communication, is essential to the success and improvement of any organization. Success and improvement require action, not just information. It requires that people in the organization are motivated to action to do the things that need to be done to improve the organization and their products.


I’ve written about the different levels of communication mediums, and I’ve also provided a solution for the human being “Simply talk to every stranger on the bus.” I know that this world has become crazy and there are many nutcases out there but if the world is getting quiet than we are losing the dialogue to the human rase. To help shy youngsters to communicate more effectively, my generation should start the conversation to keep the dialogue going and I hope it will help.


But, please don’t misunderstand me as I meet young people every day that do talk to me and thank me for the nice journey. Tools like twitter, google, e-mails, hyves, facebook and even old fashioned newspapers are good second alternatives for transferring information. But, when you need to transfer emotion and move people to action, don’t rely on these tools for communication. Remember how to talk to each other and remember that face-to-face communication is the real power behind the most successful organizations and teams. So, the next time you find a moment in your life and you think that this could be done more effective, don’t send an email to your manager about the problem. Walk into his or her office and use your verbal skills to persuade him or her that something needs to be done, now. Move him or her to action today!!!


If you want to communicate than don’t be afraid and talk to all kinds of people around you as you never know who is sitting on the other side and his or her opinion might change your mind. Eventually it might bring you closer to a solution of whatever is happening in your life. Or you might learn something completely new about an other culture or even about yourself. Don’t worry I am not a shrink or a preacher, I am just a free mind who loves to talk about all kinds of subjects that are occurring in our lives. Whatever is on your mind you can discuss with me and will try to give some decent answers.

The Old Sailor,