How to keep the faith?

"Remain confident in the survival of all positive and negative life experiences."

Dear Bloggers,

It's not that I am deeply religious but I've planned to read the Bible once in my life and I planned to get a better understanding of fellow believers.

If you have the feeling that you have lost everything and it is getting hard to stay positive, you will start looking for getting out of this misery.

If your life slides down towards the valley; you will try to slow it down. But if your mind starts slipping too it is going to be a bit of a different story. I am luckely a realistic kind of person and I can quite quickly adapt to these kind of crisis situations.

Anyway no matter what happens it will give some kind of stress. The biggest challenge is to look for another job as I simply cannot sit back and relax.

The Old Sailor appears no longer to feel safe on the spot where he always was safe. A very familiar feeling when something bad happens to you: literally and figuratively as the ground beneath your feet is sinking away and you from one moment to the other lost all grip. For me such a feeling is recognizable.

And the Bible poet writes: In you oh Lord, I have taken refuge; let me never be put to shame; deliver me in your righteousness, turn your ear to me, save me! The poet cries out as the most important thing that should be right in this situation. That there is someone who does justice to you and at least listens to you. You need an ear, which turns to you and will look at you now and what is involved here. A line below the poet asks: Be to me a protective rock? This man feels in a valley, which can be hardly any deeper, a dip where he never will come out. It suddenly calls on me, that this can be seen as my situation.

Only a long way later in the psalm it is the poet that realizes how bad it actually was with him or her. That is why we read, "I am become as broken crockery. A striking image: yourself being the pottery a pitcher, as a part of an expensive dinner set. So worth the trouble of respect: very, cool, healthy. And now suddenly broken, there are cracks in it. Always have felt yourself healthy, suddenly you where not quite sure. For example to live with it always the threat that the humiliating pain comes again as in the beginning. Not sure more of the job, the relationship where you were happy. Your partner to let go, or worse, losing him or her to death.

Broken pottery? never fully and enjoy carefree. Another long way away in the Psalm says the poet? But I trust in You, O Lord, I say: Thou art my God. My times are in your hand? Times, it says there. Time in the plural! Time as a whole firm, solid as a rock. But times, as a succession from one time to a different time, which also wrote Ecclesiastes. A time of joy, a time of sorrow. A time to weep, a time to laugh. Times of ups, downs of times. And all those times together in the hand of the Eternal. Also”My” times. The time of once my health and now became suddenly the time to care about.

The poet of Psalm knows all about this. The poet does not say in this psalm: it happens to me from God. The poet says: there is a hand, which held all the time, held it together, namely: the hand of the Eternal. That contradicts a blind faith in a kind of fatal, crippling fate. Confidence in the Hand that holds you all times of your life around, can create space for it anyway to keep.

We people carry our biography with us. The question is: Do I want to learn something from my life experiences? And dare I ask to be like: where am I?, Am I maybe too much?, Do I enjoy enough?, And where do I go? And last but not least, I dare my time, so my life. My times of ups and my times of downs. My times as a succession from one time to a different time. Can I through the lives of all my positive and negative life experiences remain confident in the Hand? Who holds me and keeps all these times of my life going?

For even as the poet at the end of Psalm 31 wrote to others to say: ”Be strong, all ye that hope in the Eternal” May it be so. I had never imagined such things were in the Bible. Do not think that I'm suddenly converted, but I understand better now that people can draw strength from their faith if the story is explained in the right way.

The Old Sailor,

Joy and enjoy

Dear Bloggers,

Yesterday was not the best day to stay positive, I was back on board to talk things over with my boss. As the job that I was doing is not getting easier the company has decided to give me notice.

You can probably imagine that my mind has been running in circles when I was back home as my little bubble fully bursted. Although I was negative for a couple of hours and did not sleep that good last night. I started of this morning with getting my kids to school and doing my Qi-gong session. After this I made some coffee, shot an e-mail to the Union to help me out. The world is still turning so time to write my story for this week.

You see life as a growth in your ability to enjoy life and to experience joy and happiness is most important in this life.

It is also nothing to laugh about, mental relaxation, quality perception, and are in harmony with existence, and on inner integrity, inner freedom, and experiencing the meaning of your existence.

Living in a positive quality of life implies a certain orientation, open to experience the joy of life and enjoy your life. Living to learn more to enjoy, because only a really intense and you can totally enjoy the meaning of your life experience. . . . . .

And, if there is no growth in your life you enjoy, it's because you always in the trap of fixed subtle negativity, or an obsessive state dissatisfaction, mental stress and negative life quality creates.

Preprogrammed is the collective awareness of the ego?

It is selfish paranoid with a survival mentality that underlies it.

It is also important to realize that you enjoy the intensity of nothing and that has to do with what you enjoy, but the quality of the person who is enjoying.

How uninhibited, free and more positive your life situation is, the purer and more intense, the quality of enjoying will be.

And that which you enjoy is only one reason. . . . . . . However, more negative, more egocentric, dissatisfied, angry, aggressive, etc. your life situation, the less your ability to enjoy.

Your ability to enjoy so you can also see it as a meter for your mental state. . . (!)

And not every day that you enjoyed your life in this beautiful wonderful world of mystery is actually a lost day of your precious life. . . . . . . It is time to have a great laugh and have fun in your life, because it can help to make you aware of mental relaxation.

Just fun "making" has a certain top, more fun than fun is not possible.

This, by the presence of those who enjoy "making" the ego.
We have such fun, because we are on a party, and it is someones birthday.

Cheerfulness is now expected of us, and who is not happy falls out of place.

So everybody "is doing its best" as much as possible to be happy or funny.
For real fun, no party is required.

Fun "making" is something entirely different than the spontaneous fun that you can live together in a genuine sense of shared humor and authentic joy.

This spontaneous pleasure only from a genuine mental state of relaxation.

For many people it is clear to experience, that laughter can give the same relaxation as the mental state of inner kindness, provided however, that laughter truly unconditional and total. You laugh in almost all situations, you may laugh inwardly.

For example, on streets, public transport etc.
Learn the art of laughing at nothing, laughing at the pure laughter, the joy of laughter.

Illogical, but very valuable and important for the development of a truly relaxing positive mental quality of life.

This laughter can find joy in life (like happiness) it needs no reason.
Therefore, it can be comfortable illogical.

For some, this might be a difficult barrier to take, because initially it just seems weird.

However, if you really realize that joy is your natural potential, and no reason is needed, you are taking off all the brakes.
You'll also be much easier in the state of mental relaxation, inner kind of effortless government. How fuller you're "smile power" how bigger your ability to enjoy even more in total.

From your ability to enjoy, you can discover and develop a process by choosing, to make fundamental changes and finally to live in a relaxed state of mind.

That is positive quality of life.

As noted above it is required, to discover and learn to let go of your obsessive state, of any real negativity, aggressiveness, survivalparanoya, making yourself important, arrogance,
discontent, obsessive behavior, greed, desire and mental stress.
Total and intense to really enjoy it is also important to allow yourself to be completely unbiased, without any prejudice or condition, and it should be unlimited.
Also important is to allow yourself to cry with intense experiences.

Crying is primordial and there is nothing obviously wrong with it, no matter whether you're male or female.

The "never-crying man" is just a primitive cultural lying macho ego-conditioning not to appear weak.

Learn to accept your crying in inner honesty and integrity, it is an intense experience of emotions what ever they are caused by.

Also allow yourself to laugh while you enjoy, it creates mental relaxation.

Especially since it seems a bit weird (small insignificant ego) you can have a lot of fun as you experience to enjoy, then you can "enjoy your enjoyment" so you enjoy even more and it is still unrestrained Exuberant joy has a certain excitement and tension, which then migrate to the energy quality of such a free and highly mentally relaxed enjoyment.

This lets you enjoy a relaxed mental inner joy without excitement, which can grow and trans-formation of indescribable love and ecstasy and far beyond it. . . . . . . All this does not mean that there can be no benefit in exuberant joy.

And, if there is your ultimate enjoyment, then there is nothing wrong with that, there is still something to discover an immense enrichment of your life.
Maximum benefit is something you can only happen when you least expect.

So do not want or expect anything, but only open in inner humility, unpretentious nature, be a non-government person, making yourself unimportant and get into a relaxed positive state in your purest inner integrity.
Eventually you will find that you experience on power will give a "richer, and stronger you" and the quality of the experience will be "more refined, purer and it will be more intense.” for you.

The Old Sailor,

At the bottom of our existence

Dear Bloggers,

It takes a while before you realize how formative the landscape may be where you are born and raised.
You see this perhaps the best in nostalgia, with people who languish because they - for whatever reason - have left their homes.
It is sometimes astonishing to see where they desire to return.

I have a really beautiful place to live but I do not feel at home here.
We have not done badly and now live in a semi-attached house in Lippenhuizen.
I look out on the forward at a few houses and a field with a pond, a playground is located just 2 streets away, a primary school and a village shop within walking distance - some people would kill for that kind of environment.
Although this is not the thing for me, I think

But this man longs for his homeland and the emotion took me along and my mind was already there.
We see one and another in our mind, a tiny village on a lake.
This is where I grew up and where life still radiates purity.
Already dreaming I suddenly woke up and felt tired and displaced.
Could this be part of all my complaints and problems, because I have never really been happy here. I'm homesick for my homeland.

It does not apply to everyone equally: but the ground where we were born, represents us.
You have landpeople, city people, village people, waterrats, desert riders, mountain goats and so on.
I am a real waterat and now I live in the dry woodland. The area is beautiful, but in my view it is oppressive.

In the Dutch “Van Dale” dictionary, I find the word ground and here I do not find what I seek, then I look at the word bodem and here I find the definitions:
bodem de; m -s; -pje 1 (van tonnen, manden, kisten, glazen) vlak dat op de grond rust: iems verwachtingen de ~ inslaan ze vernietigen; iets tot op de ~ uitzoeken zeer grondig; een dubbele ~ een tweede, niet direct merkbare betekenis 2 schip: oorlogsbodem 3 bedding, vaste ondergrond: de ~ vd zee 4 aardkorst, aardoppervlakte 5 grondgebied: op Hollandse ~
Yes it is here and what can I do with them, I can try to dissect my homesickness in simple language and words.

The researcher became awake again.
And my language is again somehow more inventive.
Because of expectations you have can be running ground.
You can dig something out to the bottom.
And we can lose ground in our excistence, you can go to the bottom of your forces, and many of us keep things in the bottom of our hearts.

To explain the last phrase of Dale writes:? In the deepest of our hearts where the deepest, most secret desires are and hidden affections.
There it is... In the depths of our soul, our personal land there sits the homesickness, now I'm convinced.

Nostalgia for landscapes, nostalgia for a certain time - usually to what it once was.
If it was not sounding so poetic; Dramatically sounded, I would say: This is the soil for the landscapes of our soul.

And the neatest is that landscapes look different for everyone.


The Old Sailor,

Clearing the attic… gets your mind cleared as well?

Dear Bloggers,

“A clean attic is the sign of clear mind.”

When the attic is clean there’s room for new things, and it just feels better.

I asked myself the question am I happy with my situation now?

I find as I get older, I have to consciously question my own beliefs and attitudes, and not just mention how I do things.

Tai chi is not the only thing that gets me thinking this way, but it’s a big part of it.

As I advance in my skills I find my teacher and my master keep correcting me in small ways. They constantly have me looking at how I’m doing things.

The really interesting part of this is that I sometimes notice big differences when I change little things.

I start slowly but surely to move in the right direction.

As it is not only the body but also the mind that needs to relearn how to work in harmony again.
That the body needs to take it a bit slower does not specifically mean that the mind should.

It is like following a young and full energetic child.

My body is the parent that is so tired of doing too much in a day and my mind is that little child that loves to run all the time.

If you learn the child too hold your hand when you walk to school, it will walk next too you most of the time and you feel better as you have things under control.

This weekend we have been clearing out the attic of our house (tons of unprocessed paperwork and old studybooks) And oh my goodness it is hard to throw away these “old” memories.
I’ve found that a clean mental attic is also good for my tai chi practice.

Since this approach works so well with tai chi, I tend to use it in my life in general or at least as much as possible.
Sometimes life situations change, but we’ve become so habitual that we don’t think to change the way we do things in response.

As I will get busier with work it seems I have less time to work on this site, and that’s not a happy thought for me.

Also my spouce thinks I am spending too much time on it, I see it as a form of relaxation.

Only yesterday it dawned on me that all I have to do is make a couple of very small and simple changes to my schedule and I’ll have the time I need.

How’s your mental attic looking?

Have the conditions in your life changed recently?

If so, take a look around your attic and see if any changes are in order.

Life doesn’t always have to be difficult.

There’s a truth in the saying: “Life is Good” but we are not always willing to see it.

Eventhough we are not all perfect.

Have you ever questioned yourself what is perfect?

This picture has been made by the industry of perfume, clothing and film.

If they would get real and use real people for their adds, life would become even better.

“If you think there is good in everybody then you obviously haven't met everybody”

The Old Sailor

Back to work

Dear Bloggers,

I developed fibromyalgia in januari 2007 when I was a 40-year-old receptionist working under extreme pressure and deadlines for a busy ferry company.

I averaged about 6-7 hours of sleep a night due to job stress, coupled with a life-long tendency toward insomnia.

I had also been under a great deal of personal stress for many years.

I would try to catch up my rest by sleeping 7-8 hours a night on the days that I was free, but the family life would not let me.

After a few years of this, I suddenly developed a pain in my lower back and especially shooting pains in my arms, hands and fingers.

My muscles felt tight and inflamed, and I was physically exhausted.

I wanted to work less in the near future and change to another job, but I had to keep on working to pay the bills.
I had no idea what was wrong with me.

I consulted many doctors--neurologists, orthomolecure therapists, fysiotherapists, chiropractors, rheumatologists, doctors of internal medicine, etc. Each one had a different theory: fibrositis, arthroses, sarcodiosis, pinched nerves, lyme disease, and even a hypothyroid condition.

The final diagnosis was fibromyalgia.

I had tenderness at 13 of the 18 trigger points characteristic of fibromyalgia, and stiffness and pain in my muscles.

At times I also had muscle tremors and herendously tired.

I felt totally burned out.

The doctors prescribed drugs, anti-inflammatories, muscle relaxants and painkillers but nothing really helped.

It was very frustrating!

I tried taking vitamins by changing my diet and exercising.

The vitamins helped me feel stronger, but the debilitating pain and stiffness of fibromyalgia still persisted.

Exercise actually made the condition worse sometimes but I was told to keep in motion--it felt like my muscles were tearing.

Even mild stretching, such as reaching too far into a cupboard, would cause me days of misery.

I was puzzled that I even had pain when my body was completely at rest!
Since it was unlike any other pain I had ever experienced, I found it hard to describe to others. Sometimes it was a sharp stabbing sensation, at other times a dull, miserable ache that wore me down.

It felt like the nerves and muscles were irritated and inflamed.

Because I looked healthy and kept up with my responsibilities, a lot of people didn't believe that I was suffering like I was.

Some even said it was "all in my head" or that I was lazy and trying to avoid work!

Needless to say, this increased my emotional stress levels!

Unfortunately, not much was known about fibromyalgia in my surroundings but internet could answer a lot of questions but some parts that you read will make you more sick.
I started losing the feeling of "connection" between my brain and my hands.

I would think I was going to drop something, when actually I would be gripping it very tightly. Also, if any weight was put on my arms, such as carrying grocery bags, lifting a heavy pot from the stove, having a child pull on my arm, etc., I would get terrible pains in my arms that would last for the whole day.

I felt practically disabled!

So many activities I never gave a second thought to now became obstacles throughout the day!

As a "Type-A, take-charge, high-achieving" kind of person, these drastic changes in my life were hard to accept.

It was a nightmarish time financially as well.

I tried physical therapy, cortisone shots, massage therapy and chiropractic to relieve my fibromyalgia.

Of all the remedies I tried, massage helped the most, but it was very expensive and the relief I obtained ended almost as soon as the massage did! My muscles were drawn up and tight, especially in my upper back and neck.

Massage therapists told me that my muscles felt "hard." My whole body was painful and stiff. If I sat for more than 10 or 15 minutes, I could barely get up again because of the pain and stiffness in my knees and legs. I felt like a very old person. I learned to sleep on my back because of chronic pain in both shoulders.

After a couple of months at home on sick leave and many visits to the hospital, It is time to go back to work now.

But question is can I handle it and can they get used to the new me.

The same person dealing in a different way with his energy levels.

The fibromyalgia will flare up or ease off depending on how much sleep I was getting or how much stress I will be under.

I feel pain and tired much of the time and also suffer from insomnia, but I am not the person that sits down and feels depressed.

I actually became more and more aware of what my body is still capable to do.

I had a lot of trouble with insomnia.

Usually one bad night's sleep led to 4 or 5 more nights of even worse sleep!

I tried a lot of remedies, and a chinese method learned me how to relax eventhough I did hardly sleep, the body came to a full rest.

And I had enough energy the next day.
The physical pain of fibromyalgia is bad enough, but the fatigue wore me down mentally as well. For months I was so physically weak that even a normal car trip would completely exhaust me and I would fall asleep on the couch!

Also, the pain sensations were very severe at these times, but I was not willing to give up and let this sickness influence my mind.

Al my back up sources were depleted from years of sleeping problems.

And that was where my body simply started to hit the brakes.
In order to cope, I learned to reduce all forms of stress in my life and to curtail any activities that would make the fibromyalgia worse.

I came to accept the fact that I could no longer participate in many of the activities that I would normally do but that I had to regulate my sources.

I had previously enjoyed, and I eventually adapted to a limited lifestyle.

The carefree days of good health seemed over for good, and I had given up any hope of a "cure" for my fibromyalgia.

I don’t believe there is a cure for it, but if you believe in yourself you can learn how to deal positive with the pain.

The Old Sailor,

End of the summer holiday

Dear Bloggers,

If central Netherlands will also go back to school, the Northern part already started again for at least two weeks.

They are learning reading: With the words Me, moon, rose.

And they learn to multiply and add.

Two weeks is often the case?

A period that children, especially infants get a small decline in fatigue and mood.

The first few weeks and they are getting up happy, when they are clean and brushed waiting at the door when you call them once to go to school, then suddenly there is more and more that they take it slow and they start crying at the farewell.

I often heard the question lately how you can support your child when they go back to school. Obviously, every child and family is different, here are some collected opinions:

Specifically: Tell what you know: the teachers name, This is your class, this is your seat and in the circle. Here we hang your coat on, and look here is the bathroom. If the clock tells..., I come and pick you up.(babysitter, caretaker at school) at the entrance. Avoid big and exciting stories what they do and learn. That comes later.

Specifically 2, after school: Keep your questions short and limited, how was it? It is difficult for a young elementary school child to respond. Easier when you have something concrete to ask like: I see paint on your pants, have you been making something? Or: Fridays you've always have gymnastics and which teacher is going with you? Do you like it (or is it stupid!) what you do with gym? What games do you on the playground? Was that the story of a frog or a horse this morning the teacher was telling? What was that frog doing? The first time it is very difficult for any child to tell what is happening and what he or she experiences. Give them some space, do not expect too much. Suddenly your daughter says:? you know what I find really dumb? and you have beautiful leads to a good conversation.

Caring:(even with an anxious heart) Larger children suddenly doing more cool things as driving around on bikes. That, after the summer they are suddenly being a huge step further. Show me how you do that?,is the question. You say: I walk behind you and if I think you cross the street next time you can do it on your own?.

Caring 2: Keep it cool at home. Playing with others is fine, but set straight away some limits. Two afternoons per week is really enough. Especially for toddlers. And get them to bed on time!
To get them back into the daily rythm will be the hardest part, and also for myself this will be tricky.

The Old Sailor,

A recycled holiday ???

Dear Bloggers,

Yes, it was that time of the year again, time to break out of the daily atmosphere and go on holiday.
Although I have to admit that this time it would be different then former years.
Normally I was the one pulling the wagon and being active all the time.

These days are history and I was not looking forward to go on holiday as I am being tired quite a lot.

But I was pretty surprised that my kids simply did their things and we only had to guide them a little bit. That is also one of the big plusses of having everything inclusive so they can get everything themselves. As the staff is used to Dutch speaking guests the kids can simply manage themselves.

I am very happy man as I really got the chance to relax, my kids hung out with the entertainers and during the day we had all the time of the world in the park, as we had a few days to explore it. So for me there was only the stress of travelling to the park, but the navigation system guided us clearly to our destination.















We checked in and the relaxing could begin, in the restaurant you got your own table for the whole period. And that was absolutely fabulous as my kids knew exactly where to go.

To me it was a great experience, I really came to rest although I had to fight the fatigue attacks in the afternoon, but I could get coffee everywhere and this helped for the time being.

In a way it is one of the most bizarre amusement parks on the planet and it is called Wunderland Kalkar (formerly: "Kernwasser Wunderland") in Kalkar, Germany. http://www.wunderlandkalkar.eu
















It started its life as a breeder-reactor! Shortly before its completion it became one of the most expensive ruins (approx. € 4 billion) when numerous protests, the Chernobyl disaster and political queeries made it difficult to justify its existence.

The Dutch businessman Hennie van der Most had plans for it: He bought the whole ruin (minus the nuclear stuff) for just € 2.5 Million and converted it into a hotel and fun-park.























His early plans of building a rollercoaster-dark-ride through the spooky, labyrinthine hallways of the reactor came to a halt when he was confronted with the totally insane building-requirements in Germany.






















Poor Hennie was close to call it a day, when he famously gave an interview in which he nagged about the German bureaucrazy.

Apparantly placing some flower-pots on a 3 meter (10 ft.) thick concrete-slab required permission from various building-authorities!
Of course their have to be some safety requirements but this was a bit to much of sticking to the rules. At least that is what I think.






















Of course Hennie was also aware that the ambience of his artificial paradise left something to be desired.
Despite being beautifully located at the edge of the Rhine-River, the massive cryptic architecture of the plant overshadowed virtually any idea of family-fun.
So there had to be something done about it.
The cooling tower was turned into a climbing wall and was nicely painted.
Also the other buildings got some fresh and happy colours.

With all-inclusive offerings (all-inclusive means: food and dirnks and especially alcoholic becverages) he somehow managed to fill his bunker-hotel with groups of low-level business travellers and groups of youngsters to have a party.

The good part of this idea is that nobody has to drive home as you stay in the hotel. (No trouble about who needs to drive.) There are some strict rules about noise and that is no problem as the hotel accomodation is seperated in most of the cases from the bar street which is in the basement of the reactor building. And more and more families staying for a few nights.

In the hotel area there are a couple of restaurants in case you want to eat something different then the buffet food, you have to pay a little bit extra for the wok or piri piri restaurant.

We had our virgin experience with the hotel and I must say that we all loved it.
Me as a receptionist myself found of course a few little things that could be done better.
Of course I made a few remarks on the comment card, but these were a couple of minor notes. Our two daughters have already decided to go again next year as this was just not long enough for all of us.

The children's entertainers did a great job and had a good programme running. To please my spouce we have been shopping in Oberhausen mall called CentrO which is only 40 minutes by car from the park. I really have to compliment all the staff as they where all very friendly and helpful.

Eventhough people where queing in front of the receptiondesk, they really took there time for you and explained things how it should be.

The park is now in its 14th year of operation, catering to families who can´t or will not afford a day at one of the upscale German and Dutch amusement-parks in the area. (where you have to que at least for a minimum of 20 minutes on every ride.) We tried one of them on our last day.

















Moviepark Germany is approx 1 hour drive from Kalkar. I had booked the tickets online with a discount offer of 30% but still I had to pay more then € 80,-
The park was in my opinion absolutely overcrowded and only the atractions for the little ones were available within 10 minutes as they were running as short as possible.
For the main attractions like the rollercoasters at ten o'clock in the morning the queing time was already 50 minutes or more.
Furthermore several attractions where not open or under repair, strange thing to do that in the high season.

Looking at new pictures of Wunderland, it seems that they somehow manage to blend out the buildings by simply throwing lots of paint on them.
Besides, after a place has been used for a different purpose long enough, the "old ghosts" seem to vanish.
Still, the idea of putting an amusement-park into an atomic powerplant is awesome, even if the outcome is a bit underwhelming.

At this moment Henny van der Most bought himself a “new” powerplant in Meppen (just across the Dutch border between Groningen and Assen.) http://www.funpark-meppen.de




























This so called funpark Meppen will be opening this year partly but will be more based on extreme action sports.
The concept will be similair to Wunderland (All inclusive) but this one is for the bigger kids and their moms and dads of course.


The Old Sailor,

Open Letter about Fibromyalgia

Dear Bloggers,

As I became active on a Dutch forum about FM, I found this letter and had the feeling that I should share this with you. Just to get you a better picture of what I feel. Do not worry I have translated the letter from Dutch to English so do not hang me up on small spellingmistakes.

And as we all know that life is brutal, but still there is no reason to let your head hang down.

This how I look at real friends: a friend is someone who dances with you in the sunlight and walks beside you in the shadow as that is all what live is about.

Open letter to people who do not have Fibromyalgia:

If you have Fibromyalgia, it means many things change and that many of these things are invisible.

It is not visible as a paraplegic.

Most people do not understand even a small bit of what it is to have FM and living with the effects it has on your life.

People who think that they understand what you have are normally poorly informed.

To be informed, and who can understand? .......

There are certain things from me I want you to understand before you condemn me ...

Please understand that being sick does not mean that I am no man or woman anymore.

Most of the day I spend in a lot of pain and exhaustion, and if you visit often, I am not very pleasant company, but I am still in this body.

I am still winding myself up about work and my family and friends, and usually I love that you also talk about the things that are concerning you.

Please understand the difference between "happy" and "healthy".

If you have flu you probably feel miserable, but I have been sick for many years.

I can not always feel miserable, in fact I work hard, not to be miserable.

So when you talk to me and I sound happy, it means that I'm happy.

That is all.

It does not mean that I have no pain or being terribly tired, or that I am getting better, or whatever.

Please do not say: "Oh, you already sound better!".

I do not sound better, I sound cheerful.

If you want to say something about it, you can.

Understand well that being able to stand for 10 minutes does not mean that I can also stand for 20 minutes, or an hour.

And since I could stand 30 minutes yesterday does not mean that I can do the same today.

With many diseases you are either paralyzed, or you can move.

This disease is more complicated.

Everything described above also applies to "sit", "walk", "believe", "thinking of others" and so on ...

It applies to everything.

That is what Fibromyalgia does.

Please understand that Fibromyalgia is variable.

It is possible (for me that is normal) that one day I can walk large pieces and back while I have trouble the other day just to reach the kitchen.

Do not attack me with: "But yesterday you did!" if you want me to do something, ask if I can.

In a similar situation, maybe at the last moment I will cancel an appointment, if that happens do not to take it personally.

Please understand me that “going out and doing things” not make me feel better and I often feel a lot worse.

If you tell me that I should move a lot or that I should lose weight (or even gain), or I should buy a training device, even to go to gym or something like that ... then I will do that.

I am emotionally hurt (and I need to cry sometimes) and that is not good ... all these things I would do if I could, I would like to do and you know it?

I work for myself with my doctor and physiotherapist, and I do all the exercises I should do in my situation.

Another decision that I really acts is: "You have only yourself but harder to tackle ..."

It is clear that I work for myself with my doctor and physiotherapist, and I do all the exercises I should do in my situation.

Another judgement that I really hate is: "You have to be a bit harder on yourself..."

It is clear that Fibromyalgia has to deal directly with the muscles and because my muscles are not developping the same way as yours , I distroy more than I do good when I follow your advice and it will cost me days or weeks to return where I was and to recover from even a single activity.

Please understand that if I say I need to have a seat.

Too lie down or need pillows, and that I need it now - it can not be postponed because there is no time for it, or that I am not at home. (or for any other reason).

Fibromyalgia does not care about that.

If you have a good idea for me, than keep it for yourself.

It is not something that I do not appreciate, and it is not because I do not want to be better.

It is all because everyone has a good idea for me.

In the beginning I did everything that I was advised and gave it a try, but I realized I was consuming so much energy to try things that I made myself only more ill, and not better.

If there would be anything that all Fibromyalgia patients could help or could cure them, then all persons with Fibromyalgia would have known.

There is a global network (Internet and others) between people with Fibromyalgia, if there would be something that might cure us, we would know.

If you have read everything and you want to give me a good suggestion, please do so, but do not expect me that I immediately go after it and give it a try straight away.

I will then consider it and discuss with my doctor. In many different ways I depend you - people who are not sick - I need you to visit me when I'm sick or when I can not go out myself... Sometimes I need your help when I need to do some shopping, cooking or housekeeping.

I'll probably might even need your help to drive me to the doctor or physiotherapist I need you also in a different way ..... you are my link to the outside world ... if you will not visit me then I'll maybe not see you that often. ... and, as much as possible, I need it that you will try to understand me.

The Old Sailor,

Perpetuum Jazzile - Africa (live, HQ)

A good friend of mine cheers me up on rainy days and he was sending me this video. Amazing how they do it, a good example that the credit crunch is there. They probably did not have any money for instruments. I would say sit back and relax, close your eyes and enjoy this masterpiece.

The Old Sailor,

Kylie Minogue - I Should Be So Lucky

I should be so lucky part 1