When PTSD occurs later in your life

 

Dear Bloggers,

First of all I should apoligize for being late again this month with my little bit of writing. It is not that I want to make an excuse for it. I am a bit occupied with some law suits against the state involving the tax office. It is a hectic time and the point is that I am diagnosed with so called delayed-onset PTSD or Late-Onset Stress Symptomatology (LOSS) And i can tell it is having quite a rollercoaster ride with ups and downs.

All of a sudden I can be bitter, happy and fully emotinal and in tears about absolutly nothing. My head is spinning in the strangest circles and at some moments I am out there again just triggered by daily situations that occur in my life.

Onset Delayed PTSD is typically viewed as PTSD that begins to develop at least six months after an initial traumatic incident occurs. PTSD symptoms can include flashbacks, nightmares, emotional numbness, detachment, sleeplessness, lack of focus, and more. Treatment options for both PTSD and delayed-onset PTSD generally consist of therapy, medication, or a combination of both. Online therapy, particularly cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), may be a helpful way to cope with and manage PTSD symptoms.

 

What is post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)?

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a condition that may develop following a terrifying or harrowing experience, especially an event during which a person has feared personal harm or death. It may be more common among military veterans, rescue workers, and survivors of violent or dangerous situations. They could also be prone to developing delayed-onset PTSD.

 

Delayed-onset PTSD and traumatic event

Whether post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) occurs immediately following the trauma or the traumatic stress is delayed, it is the same mental illness and affects a person’s health in the same way. Mine is from fourty years back in time. It can be possible to overcome delayed-onset PTSD symptoms.

 

The connection between a traumatic event and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)

Traumatic events known to contribute to PTSD can include military combat trauma, serious vehicular or workplace accidents, and natural disasters like tornados and earthquakes. Physical violence, such as assault, rape, and child abuse, are also usually high on the list of contributing factors to this traumatic stress disorder. Delayed-onset PTSD was introduced in 1980 in the third edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-III), as soldiers often do not begin to see signs of PTSD until they return home from combat.

According to the Dutch Veterans Affairs, due to combat trauma, assault, or military trauma while in the military. At least 10 out of every 100 veterans who fought in the wars like Iraq and Afghanistan have been diagnosed with PTSD, and it’s estimated that seven out of every 100 veterans will have PTSD during their lifetime.

 

PTSD can affect anyone, even children, but research shows that it may occur more frequently in women than in men and in young adults more often than in children or older adults. Physical assault and rape are often the most common causes of PTSD in women, while war and combat may be the most common causes in men. This disorder may have some roots in genetics, as there is some evidence suggesting that PTSD may run in families.

 

PTSD often affects people in conjunction with other stressors and conditions, such as depression, substance use, and anxiety, so it may be more likely to affect people with a history of these conditions.

What causes PTSD and delayed-onset PTSD?

The exact reason that some people develop PTSD is currently undetermined, but several factors may contribute to the disorder.

Traumatic stress and its causes

Experiencing a traumatic event may not always lead to PTSD. There can also be a disparity between the trauma experience and the severity of the delayed-onset PTSD symptoms. A person can experience a mild form of PTSD symptom onset resulting from a horrific previous traumatic experience, while another may live with extreme PTSD symptoms from a less severe stressor.

 

Certain people may be at greater risk of developing PTSD when confronted with a traumatic event. Someone who has experienced previous traumatic events or additional trauma, especially as a child, or someone who has additional life stressors may also be more likely to develop delayed-onset PTSD.

What are the symptoms of PTSD?

A number of stress disorders are identified in the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), but are distinct from post-traumatic stress disorder. 

Post-traumatic stress symptoms

Symptoms of PTSD usually fall into three main categories:

• Flashbacks, nightmares, and realistic recollections of the traumatic event
• Emotional numbness and avoidance of thoughts, feelings, people, places, or activities that serve as reminders of the traumatic event
• Increased arousal, as evidenced by sleeplessness, lack of focus, and/or a short temper

Within these categories, a variety of symptoms may occur:

• Loss of current awareness
• Intense physical sensations
• Memory loss regarding the traumatic event
• Lack of interest in social activities
• Negative focus and outlook
• Trouble falling asleep or staying asleep
• Angry outbursts
• Hypervigilance
• A tendency to feel jumpy or easily triggered by sounds or sights
• Depersonalization
• A tendency to blame yourself or feel guilty
• Physical symptoms like chest pain and dizziness (i blame Diabetes for it)

PTSD can also be marked by significant mood swings or changes in behavior. Feelings of hopelessness, negativity, guilt, shame, and anger, as well as thinking badly about yourself or others, can all be signs of this disorder. At its worst, PTSD can include thoughts of suicide, and suicide attempts.

Impact of traumatic stress on daily life

Those who live with PTSD may have trouble maintaining friendships and relationships, experience difficulty holding down jobs, and find day-to-day life challenging. Self-care may also be negatively impacted.

 

PTSD isn't always easy to identify or diagnose, especially because it can often mimic or be accompanied by other mental health concerns, such as depression. There can also be a stigma surrounding PTSD. Some people may make the unfair assumption that someone who has PTSD is just dwelling on a bad experience. However, PTSD is a disorder recognized in the DSM-5 and is generally not something that a person can just “get over.” However, there are evidence-based treatments available for PTSD, and many people have experienced improvement with treatment (see Treatment Options section below).

What is delayed-onset PTSD after a traumatic event?

What makes delayed-onset post-traumatic stress disorder different from PTSD that occurs immediately following the trauma is generally the amount of time elapsed between the traumatic event and the point at which symptoms begin to materialize. PTSD is often diagnosed fairly soon after a traumatic event, while delayed-onset PTSD is usually diagnosed when symptoms begin six months or more after a traumatic event.

Unlike PTSD, which may affect young adults more often than individuals of other age groups, delayed-onset PTSD can be more common among the elderly, possibly due to a traumatic experience from when they were much younger.

Delayed-onset PTSD: Recognizing the symptoms

Research suggests that the occurrence of delayed-onset PTSD without any previous symptoms during the first year may be rare. Instead, most diagnoses may be marked by additional, worsening, or reoccurring symptoms.

The Veterans Administration has also identified a similar, but less severe condition known as late-onset stress symptomatology (LOSS), which seems to primarily affect older combat veterans during the aging process.

Treatment options for delayed-onset PTSD

The first step in treatment and recovery is typically to see a mental health care provider, preferably one who has experience treating PTSD. Treatment typically includes psychotherapy, medication, or a combination of the two. This may include prolonged exposure therapy, which may help people mitigate the negative power of their experience by helping them to revisit the memory more safely.

Effective treatments for traumatic stress disorder

CBT may also involve cognitive restructuring, allowing participants to see the experience from a different perspective. This can be conducive to the process of making sense of their memories and experiences. Stress inoculation training may also be utilized. This form of treatment may help individuals cope with stressful situations and potential triggers in healthier ways.

 

EMDR is another potential treatment for PTSD symptoms. EMDR usually involves concentrating reflectively on your traumatic experience while making rhythmic eye movements based on the guidance of a mental health professional. Watching your therapist do something like moving their hands or flashing a light may allow for positive thoughts while remembering your traumatic experience.

Tailoring treatment options to you

Treatments often vary from individual to individual because of the nature of PTSD and delayed-onset PTSD; everyone's experiences and situations can be different. There may also be several things you can do on your own that may alleviate PTSD symptoms. Below are several suggestions:

• Eat regularly and nutritiously
• Try to get some exercise on a regular basis
• Give yourself time and grace
• Talk to someone, such as a friend, a family member, a mental health professional, or someone at a support helpline
• Avoid drugs and alcohol
• Spend time outdoors
• Engage in social activities whenever possible

It may be beneficial to consult a mental health professional if you’ve lived through a traumatic experience that could potentially lead to PTSD at some point. It may provide some preparation if and when symptoms arise. Even though you might not meet all the criteria for a PTSD diagnosis, symptoms can still interfere with your daily life. Seeing a doctor or therapist may help you manage symptoms and develop effective coping strategies.

 

Takeaway

When PTSD symptoms don’t develop until six months or more have passed since an initial traumatic incident, you may receive a diagnosis of delayed-onset PTSD. Symptoms may include sleeplessness, detachment, lack of focus, emotional numbness, nightmares, and flashbacks, among others. Often, delayed-onset PTSD can be treated with therapy, medication, or a combination of both. 

 

If you don’t feel comfortable visiting a therapy practice, you might benefit from online therapy, which you can try from the comfort of your own home.

 

Hans Christian Anderson made this for me as a life qoute: "Just living is not enough... one must have sunshine, freedom, and a little flower,"

 

The Old Sailor,

 

 

 

How music and weather impacts our mental health

Dear Bloggers,

Many people notice their mood shift with the weather. A sunny morning might bring a sense of ease, while a grey, wet afternoon can feel heavier than usual.

These changes are more than just passing feelings. A growing body of research shows that weather can meaningfully affect mental health, especially for people already living with anxiety, depression or unresolved grief.

In my country, where conditions can swing from intense sunny weather to flooding rainshowers and heavy windgusts, understanding how the climate interacts with emotional wellbeing is important. Recognising your own patterns is the first step toward managing the way you respond to different weather conditions and preparing for the times when your mood feels more vulnerable.

 

Weather and mood: What’s the connection?

Most of us respond to the weather on some level, but for some, those shifts go deeper. Whether it’s increased anxiety in the heat or lower mood on gloomy days, understanding your emotional patterns is key to managing your wellbeing.

 

Sunlight and mood support

Exposure to sunlight increases the brain’s production of serotonin, a chemical that helps regulate mood. On clear, sunny days, people often feel more alert and motivated.

Rain, cloud cover, and seasonal changes

When skies are grey and rain lingers, some people experience a dip in energy or motivation. These shifts may feel more intense for those with existing mental health conditions or anyone going through a period of grief or emotional exhaustion.

People respond to weather in different ways depending on their mental health history, current stress levels, and even memories associated with certain conditions.

A thunderstorm might feel calming to one person and unsettling to another.

Music’s Impact On Our Mental Health 

Music is a great part of our lives. Personally, I can’t even imagine a life without music because it brings me such joy and helps me communicate with myself in a totally different way. Let’s take a deeper look at how music positively impacts our mental health.

Let me start with the most known benefit of music: stress reduction. Research has shown that music has a positive impact on our autonomic nervous system, helping us manage stress and respond more constructively when in moments of stress. We know that there will be stressors present in our lives pretty much all the time. So, one thing we can do is try to understand these stressful situations so that we can learn to live with them rather than trying to eliminate them entirely. And this is where music can play a very important role. Listening to music can help us organize our thoughts and approach our problems with a balanced perspective. I find music very valuable because it’s often widely-accessible, making it easier to experience almost anywhere. 

So many of us have had that moment when we put on our headphones and get lost in the music, alone with ourselves in a moment of reverie. We can begin to understand the music when this is a more dance-centered event, let’s say, or one wherein the music is meant to convey a vibe rather than be the focus. Going to a concert of our favorite singer and singing the same song together with thousands of people can be a very powerful feeling, right? Music can help us feel part of a community. 

 

Music impacts almost every part of our lives even including our quality of sleep. One study shows that a group of students who listened to classical music for 45 minutes before going to bed had better sleep quality compared to the group who didn’t listen to music.

And the next question is popping up in my brain: How do different types of music can impact our mood? Several studies claim that each type of music can potentially trigger different emotions. Calming melodies, for example, can have a soothing effect that works to lower blood pressure and slow the heart rate as we listen. On the other hand, “Grunge“ music (a sub-category which is a combination of punk and heavy metal) can sometimes trigger feelings of hostility, sadness, and tension. And, as we’ve seen, classical music can work to calm us down and fill us with a sense of peace. It’s thought that the structure of the music, the sounds and melodies, can have an impact on our mind and body. Because calming or classical types of music can reduce anxiety, they can also help us balance our mood. How does music impact you? Take a moment to reflect on your own experiences to see what bubbles to the surface. 

Most of the time, the type of music we gravitate toward is related to our current mood. Music can be a fantastic tool through which to process and express our emotions. Maybe you’ve experienced a moment in which you can’t put into words how you’re feeling, that words are just not enough. In such moments, music saves us. Remember the times you’ve said: “That’s exactly how I feel!” while listening to a song? Perhaps that song expresses how you’re feeling or reflects what you’ve been through. By listening to such songs, we remember that there are other people navigating similar feelings and we don’t feel so alone. In fact, this further demonstrates that music is more than just melodies. Music can help us feel better through creative expression and communication.  

 

Now, let’s consider a different emotion through music: Happy songs... People often prefer listening to joyful and exciting music when they feel good because this increases their enjoyment. For example, imagine that you’re going on a vacation with your friends. You’ve finished all your work and you deserve that holiday. What’s the first thing that you turn to when you get in the car to head out on that much needed vacation? Of course, music! Because sometimes those melodies describe our mood better than we can. The good thing is, wherever we are, we can experience unity across time and space through music. 

We may feel moments of happiness and sadness from time to time, but there may also be periods where certain feelings stay with us for a long time. For example, in cases of anxiety and depression experts think that music therapy can be an important tool to help express and process feelings. Among the techniques used in music therapy there are activities like lyric analysis, improvising, listening to music, and writing a song.

There are some special songs that just make us feel joyful. Do you recall such a song? A song that brightens your day, or one in which you get lost in the rhythm or the lyrics and you can’t help but think “How did they make such a beautiful song?” 

Why do such songs make us feel more peaceful? Perhaps the most significant factor is that they trigger the reward center of our brain called the dopamine system, making you feel happy or excited. Your partner’s smell, the bright colors of a flower, getting a good night’s sleep, exercising, listening to music, or any situation that you associate with pleasure can all be examples of stimuli that activate the reward center of the brain. 

In fact, while listening to a song, our brain starts to work in such a way that it can predict the next pattern in the melody. According to one theory, one of the reasons why we like listening to music is this desire or impulse to predict the next musical pattern. Our brain wants to predict future events based on the past and by attempting to do so, we reduce our perception of uncertainty and increase our feeling of being in control. Therefore, if we notice that we can guess the next musical pattern, this can create a rewarding feeling or a sense of security.

 

So, where does music stand in your life? Which emotions make you feel like listening to music? Do your feelings and the types of music you listen to match? Or, are they different? Which types of music trigger which emotions for you? Do certain people and environments encourage you to listen to music? How does your body respond while listening to your favorite song? What does it tell you about you? You’ll have a chance to know yourself better while searching for the answers to these questions, I’m sure. 

And we shall overcome as we done before {Nothing but Thieves song.}

The Old Sailor,

 

the light is getting different, Spring is coming

 

Dear Bloggers,

Do you recognise that feeling? Every year around this time, when it's sunny one day, the crocuses are still awkwardly opening their limp calyxes to catch the first rays of sunshine, and you can enjoy the feeling that spring is coming so intensely?

 

I certainly do. It can make me feel completely euphoric. The air is clear and clean, the light feels different and the birds are singing again. Last Friday, I walked the dogs and did my round in the village; sun on my face and wind at my back, with a hint of chill still in the air. In addition to the crocuses in the parks, I also saw the bright yellow flowers of coltsfoot popping up. Everything was fresh, new and beautiful.

On the way back, it was dark, with thick clouds full of rain and the wind blowing hard in my face. The euphoric feeling was gone.

 

That's what I love about this time of year: the new that is tentatively and cautiously becoming tangible and visible, and the old that is still there, shaking me awake and bringing me back to the here and now.

 

This is similar to my process of developing a new story. Just like the many flower bulbs that have been waiting invisibly in the earth since summer, I sit behind the screen all that time, my brain working hard.

Now the time has come for the first shoots to cautiously peek above the ground. I find that exciting, because the shoots are still thin and fragile. But I also know that this can grow into something very beautiful. This is pretty much everything I have with nature.

And yet I have learned to enjoy everything that grows and blooms during my walks through the woods and nature reserves. These walks also give your mind a sense of peace and you have to learn to see by really looking. I walked a lot because my wife was in a very bad way and I needed to escape from it all. Walking helped me to keep my thoughts and pain under control. It was a bit of relaxation at a time of financial worries and a family that demanded a lot of attention.

Writing about everyday things is also a help in this world filled with disasters and wars. We hear very few positive things, which sometimes makes it difficult to write a story.

 

Just like plants, I need good seeds to sow a story and wait for the first shoots to emerge from the ground.

I could also use some help in spreading my “seeds”.

So that things can return to normal and the old-fashioned idea of letting children play in nature slowly but surely becomes the norm again. And we let children grow up in contact with nature, instead of glued to their screens. So, parents of today, put your stuff and worries aside for a moment and enjoy the lovely spring sunshine.

Everybody needs a bit of Sunshine and a little flower

 

The Old Sailor,

 

What if it is .........

 

Dear Bloggers,

It's been a while since my last blog post, and it's been a turbulent few weeks.

For me, at least. Life isn't going the way I want it to, and that's causing some resistance. Nothing new, really, and it gives me another chance to dive into myself and discover what all this means to me. Things aren't going smoothly at work either, and to make matters worse, our trusty old Volvo broke down. Repairing it would be far to expensive, so we had to look for a replacement. Fortunately, I'm not a pessimist and I'm not in a hurry when it comes to buying a car.

 

Remember when I wrote about flow and designing beautiful journeys? Well, flow and budget are out the window, so that will have to wait. I also wrote about the exciting decision my partner made to change course. It's a little too exciting now that she's doing things independently again and going out in her own car.

I was recently studying Thai Chi on the net, a slow form of movement that feels like a kind of dance. A form of movement in which you should slowly sink into the resistance. Now I was in a position with only resistance, I wasn't sinking anywhere. And suddenly something popped into my brain. It was the following.

 I'm actually quite tired.

Tired of fighting with myself every day. Tired of working hard, doing my best to keep up with my surroundings. Tired of the expectations I place on myself. Tired of dreaming of financial freedom, a good pension, and wanting things to be different.

 

Writing this down and sharing it is a bit of a thing. Because hey, I was in a flow. I had planned wonderful trips for my wife and myself. The year didn't start off great, but we came up with some great projects and had plenty of new plans.

And now it's February and suddenly my world has come to a standstill. Okay, it just seems to be standing still. Everything is on hold. Everything has been sown and now we're waiting to see which plant will sprout first. And which plant won't. And no, that's not my favorite moment in the creative process.

Yesterday, I spoke to a friend who understood me and said he didn't want it anymore either. I'm just done with waiting and uncertainty. And after all my wanderings, I've finally settled down in a nice house for 15 years now and have a steady job, which gave me peace of mind.

 

And as tempting as that sounds, I know deep down that what I'm doing is right, at least for me. I've experienced wonderful things at work and at home over the past few months.

And when I travel to Australia or here in the Netherlands and stroll through the woods with my dogs and my wife, I feel so at home. So in tune. So right. And so I carry on.

And while I wait for better times, I write about these new creative creations. I discover how much fun it is to travel the world. Simply because it makes me happy and I can. Maybe it's precisely because I'm staying in the moment and experiencing what this whole process is doing to me.

 

The tax authorities haven't broken me. Although I do worry unconsciously and try to live consciously. And so I don't rush past the less pleasant things. That I finally feel what is there and that it's okay. I'm allowed to be tired. I'm allowed to be fed up. I'm allowed to just not know for a while. I don't have to go anywhere. Of course, my brain has very different ideas about this.

My brain hates not knowing. To admit that I am sometimes fed up. Horrible. And it looks for all kinds of excuses and maneuvers to get out of this situation. But it is what it is. And as long as I stay in the moment, there is actually nothing wrong. The unrest comes from all kinds of thoughts and beliefs that have little to do with where I am now.

 

Whether or not my trip goes ahead, deep down it doesn't matter at all. Deep down, nothing in me is changing. So my thoughts can think and fill in all kinds of things, but I don't have to attach any truth to them. So for now, it's unsettling. I accept it. It will remain turbulent for me for a while, but just as the flow was temporary, this is also temporary.

And in the meantime, I'm going to consciously enjoy spring, all those buds that are about to burst open again. And I'll see what blooms for me this summer. I wrote this blog last night, and when I went to bed, I felt happier and calmer. It's as if writing this down gave me a pat on the head. A kind of pat on the back. Come on, boy, it's okay.

The Old Sailor,

 

 

Lets go to 2026

 

Dear Bloggers,

First of all a happy and great 2026

I wrote this story a couple of days ago and no I did not succeed to place it on my blog page as I had to do my job as well. Therefor i did not manage to produce the story yet. And now is that time here. Not that bad I would say. Enjoy reading.

 

The end of the year is approaching. The days are shorter and the evenings are longer. We look back on what has been. However, as we turn the page, a new year full of possibilities awaits us. What will you do with it?

Let's be honest, December is a busy month. With the holidays, gifts, family and friends, it's as if we're always 'on'. But right now, it's important to take a moment of silence. Take a deep breath. Did you know that conscious breathing can help you to let go of things that no longer serve you? Breathe in deeply, breathe out, and let go.

Set your intention for the day each morning and reflect on what you're grateful for each evening. This way, even busy and 'obligatory' days can be meaningful.

Reflect on what you will take with you and what you will leave behind.

Somehow there is a plan for everyone to go on in your life you have to find out what kind of plan is fitting in your life. Is there another way for you to live your life in a different way. At least i think there is a new path that I need to take and get some help to get the ducks in a row again.

With the New Year approaching, now is the perfect time to look back. What were your biggest lessons? What successes can you celebrate? And perhaps more importantly, what do you want to leave behind?

We believe that real growth starts with meaning. It's not just about 'what' you do, but 'why' you do it. Through our techniques and exercises, we encourage you to look deeper.

What do your heart, head, and gut want to tell you? What is your autonomic nervous system alerting you to?

The new year brings a world of possibilities.

2026 is just around the corner. A new year means a fresh start.

Perhaps you already have some New Year's resolutions. Lose weight? Exercise more? Reduce stress?

But what if, this year, you chose something more meaningful? For yourself? Ask yourself, 'How do I want to feel in 2026?'

With our tools, you will discover what is truly important to you. These powerful methods help you make choices based on alignment, bringing all your intelligences into harmony. Because when these intelligences work together, something magical happens. You will feel secure, strong, and confident. Who wouldn't want that?

The Old Sailor,

 

Christmas Magic is still here on budget.

 Dear Bloggers,

 

Christmas is such a lovely time of year—full of warmth, joy, and a bit of sparkle—but it can also be really expensive. Between presents, food, decorations, and all those little extras, the costs soon start to get out of hand. Add the pressure to make everything perfect, and it’s easy to lose sight of what really matters. The truth is, a special Christmas doesn’t have to cost a fortune. The best parts are usually the ones that don’t cost much. A bit of laughter, cozy nights in, and those little traditions that mean something to your family. A homemade gift, a shared meal, or a night of board games and hot chocolate can feel every bit as magical as anything you could buy. This year, let’s make it about doing more with less. Just creating moments, not getting in debt. Set a Christmas budget, and you should actually stick to it.

 

Before you even think about shopping, decide how much you can really afford. Write it all down, break it into categories like gifts, food, and decorations, and then stick to it. Add just a small 10% buffer for some unexpected bits (because there’s always something!), and it’ll help you avoid panic spending. And yes, a PlayStation or whatever is not a realistic gift even if you have a bigger budget. I was happy with a nice and warm sweater or a pair of gloves and a hat. Once you’ve got your budget sorted, keep track as you go shopping. It doesn’t need to be fancy; making a list on a notebook, app, or simple spreadsheet will do. Try not to fall into the “it’s only a few euros” trap because those little extras soon add up.

 

If you struggle with willpower, try the envelope method: put your money in cash for each category in its own envelope, and when it’s gone, it’s gone. And if you’re shopping online, don’t hit the buying button directly, and just leave your basket for 24 hours before you buy. You’ll be surprised how many things you suddenly don’t want the next day. Or you might even find them cheaper somewhere else. Think before you buy anything.

Give Thoughtful Gifts That Mean More

You don’t need to spend loads of money to show someone you care. The best gifts are the ones that come from the heart. Write a little poetry; it does not have to rhyme, and make it personal. If you are not a writer but a craftsman or woman, develop something handmade, useful, or personal. At least put your heart in it. That’s what I think is Christmas magic.

 

A tin of homemade biscuits, a framed photo, or a ticket to the movies in a gift bag all make lovely presents. For families, suggest a set budget and be a Secret Santa for one of your family, and yes, it’s fun, fair, and saves everyone money somehow. And if you want to give something a bit different, try gifting your time instead with a lunch date, a high tea or a coffee catch-up, or a day out together. It is a gift from the heart. People remember how you made them feel, not how much you spent.

Get Creative with Decorations

You can make your home feel festive without spending a fortune. Start with what you already have from earlier times, like old baubles, ribbons, jars, or bits of fabric, which can easily be reused or upcycled. I upcycled an old wreath with some baubles a few years ago, and it’s one of my favorite decorations each year. It still is hanging on my front door. Not yet this year, as we get a new front door in the first half of December. My decorations might come up after this date.

 

Add a few natural touches like pinecones and some greenery for a simple rustic look, stick it in a mug or a bowl, add a candle to it, and build your own Christmas arrangement. Candles and fairy lights instantly make any space feel cozy and warm. And if you fancy some fun, grab matching Christmas clothing for the family or have a themed night with hot chocolate and a Christmas film.

It’s not about perfection at all—it’s about warmth and personality.

Host Without the Hefty Price Tag

Hosting Christmas doesn’t need to mean an expensive feast. Keep it simple and focus on time together rather than stress and spending. At our place our daughters make the menu together with me. One makes the entree and the other one the dessert. My job is making the main dish, and yes, we stick to easy, budget-friendly recipes that everyone loves. During the day we start with some music and burning candles. We add a few things every year and reuse what we have already for table settings. It’s the laughter and shared stories that make a day memorable, not the price of the meat we are consuming.

Enjoy the Simple Christmas Moments.

Some of the best festive memories come from the simplest things. Wrap up warm and go for a walk or a ride to look at the Christmas lights, have a baking day and let the kids go wild with the decorations, or what we do is snuggle up for a Christmas movie marathon with blankets and hot chocolate. We have at least one night where we all have on our Christmas clothing, which is not one of my favorite nights every year! These are the moments that stick around long after the wrapping paper’s gone.

Shop Smart and Start Early

The earlier you start, the easier it is to stay in control. Spreading the cost means you can grab offers and cashback deals without the December panic. Compare prices online and keep an eye out for pre-loved bargains; they’re good for your wallet and the planet. And when it’s all over, think ahead. The January sales are perfect for stocking up on next year’s bits at a fraction of the cost.

The Real Magic of Christmas

When the lights come down and the leftovers are gone, it’s the little things that stay with you. They stick in your head. You still hear and feel the laughter, the hugs, and the feeling of being together. A budget-friendly Christmas isn’t about cutting corners; it’s about slowing down and focusing on what really matters. When you stop chasing perfection, you’ll find the holidays become calmer, simpler, and so much more meaningful.

 

Because at the end of the day, the best Christmas magic comes for free, and your beloved moments don’t cost a thing. You're celebrating the warmth of a family and togetherness.

 

A Merry Christmas to you all.

 

The Old Sailor, 

 

 

A story of moral injury

 Dear Bloggers,

I knew the guy who is a combat veteran who returned home and never spoke about the war. Yet, he experienced a healing throughout his life by walking his daily walk and “he was getting lost” during his walks in the neighbourhood during the day. As a combat veteran and military man, I think this was a sign that he was able to reconcile the things that tore him apart. For about forty years he held back and did not talk about what he expereinced during his service days. Now his shield starts to crack slowly. In a way, the quiet he experienced outdoors and the community he experienced in our little village that helped him to reconnect “what mattered” with “who mattered” in ways “that mattered.” To understand what this means for people who are living with moral injury, we need to reflect and act upon our foundational understandings. Somehow your moral Compass might be a bit off after some heavy moments.

 

Moral injuries begin with violations of core values

These violations occur along a spectrum of traumatic events that influence whether people react and heal as:

•  Moral victims: At one end of the spectrum are the moral victims who experience changes in life meaning from abuses, assaults, and actions done to them. 
• Moral participants: In the middle of the spectrum are moral participants such as first responders, medical personnel, teachers, counselors, and militairy personel who experience changes in life meaning from their efforts to help others during traumatic events. 
• Moral agents: At the opposite end of the spectrum are moral agents such as warfighters and police who experience life changes from harms they perform. 
 All three groups experience emotional and spiritual reactions related to violations of their core values, and as they process these reactions they experience grief, anger, guilt, shame, embitterment, depression, mistrust, betrayal, isolation, etc. This processing is cognitive and emotional. However, to approach someone who is suffering based upon their reactions is to miss the very dynamics that cause their suffering.To approach a moral victim as a moral agent is to deny the nature of the unsolicited trauma that violated their values and changed their life’s meaning. Likewise, to approach a moral agent or moral participant as a moral victim is to deny the core values that make them responsible and accountable for the consequences of their moral agency. 

 Moral dissonance changes life’s meaning

The separation of our moral values from life practices creates a moral dissonance that can change our life’s meaning. The more our moral values are integrated with our ethical practices, the less moral dissonance we experience. Conversely, the greater the dis-integration between our moral values and ethical practices, the greater the level of moral dissonance we experience. Sometimes moral dissonance is inflicted by others; other times moral dissonance is self-inflicted.

Furthermore, the greater our moral dissonance, the greater the potential for persistent moral injury. Moral dissonance is the primary mechanism of injury that leads to secondary, maladaptive behaviors that can range from suicide and addiction to anger and isolation. 

 Post-Traumatic growth depends upon the reconciliation of moral dissonance

Moral injuries do not end until the moral dissonance that is the source of the care seeker’s thoughts and emotional reactions is addressed. In essence, care providers need to help people with moral injuries co-create new life meaning from the rubble caused by their moral dissonance. Sometimes their dissonance comes from betrayels and other times it is from moral judgments over what they’ve done, failed to do, or witnessed.

 Just as traumatic experiences place moral victims and participants in a type of wilderness, so too moral agents live in a post-traumatic wilderness imposed by consequences from their moral agency.

However, there is also the space in this wilderness to construct new life meanings. Different therapies provide ways for doing this, and their effectiveness depends upon the care provider’s professional orientation and the quality of their relationships with morally injured people. These therapies range from: 

· cognitive-behavioral processing of traumatic events and core values 

· analysis of deep-seated meanings derived from events

· adaptive disclosure to process traumatic events and empower forgiveness

· acceptance-commitment therapies that focus upon reconnecting specific personal challenges to meaningful behaviors. 

Healing strategies for care-takers

People who suffer from moral injuries can benefit from every one of these healing therapies. However, there is one last element. Awareness of the post-traumatic wilderness caused by moral dissonance invites mindfulness in quiet spaces. To find the person in those who suffer with moral injuries can be trickey. Post-traumatic growth can be a long-term healing process. It will not take away the shattering of values and the “shaking of foundations” that accompany traumatic events. 

Healing strategies for moral injuries do not require repeated resolution of traumatic events. However they must include pathways for moral victims, moral participants, and moral agents to reconcile their moral dissonance by: 

· non-judgmental and active listening to narratives of moral injury

· identifying the specific sources and the consequences of spiritual struggles 

· participating in reflective practices that support self-care, compassion, and forgiveness

· reconnecting meaningful life values with meaningful life practices and relationships.

 

Identify ways your congregation already creates space for this kind of healing. What else might you intentionally do? Do you know the answer to this? If not don’t feel bad and at least act normal to this person as the injuries are not always visable but they are there.

 

The Old Sailor,

 

Why You feel like You can't do anything right

 

Dear Bloggers,

My apologies for writing my story late again. Things are a bit more difficult at the moment, as my is catching up with me and I’m not quite myself. And yes, that’s affecting my inspiration.

If you've ever felt like you can't do anything right, you might think you're the only one who has experienced that feeling. The truth, though, is that it's perfectly common to feel this way, and it happens to most of us at one time or another.

In a world where so much of how we experience other people in our digital world, it's easy to forget that the version we view of our friends, colleagues, and loved ones is the one they want us to see. Most people share photos and stories about the good times in their lives. And most do not share about when they're having a hard time in life.

There are different reasons why you might experience this feeling, and many assorted actions you can take to help alleviate it. Read on to learn why you might be feeling this way, and how to turn things around in your mind.

Why You Feel Like You Can't Do Anything Right

There are endless reasons why you might experience the thoughts and feelings that nothing you do in life is right; these are some of the most common reasons. Feeling Overwhelmed by Stress.

It's a common motif in our culture, especially since a pandemic began years ago. Stress makes life feel overwhelming, and it can impact our ability to think clearly. If you're feeling nervous, worried, anxious, or depressed, and you don't have a chronic condition involving those feelings, chances are that you're stressed.It might feel like it doesn't make sense to you that a simple task or project feels like too much, but it's important to understand that our brains, nervous systems, and hearts have really been through the wringer since 2024.

When you're feeling overwhelmed, your mind can slip into a tricky pattern where it feels like you aren't doing anything right. Fortunately, you can learn how to manage stress.

Self-Worth

We all have to be our own biggest champions in life. That's because having good self-esteem may boost your happiness. Having high self-esteem doesn't mean that you think you do everything right all the time, but it does mean that you think you're a person who is capable of doing things right quite often. It also means you know you aren't perfect, and sometimes you make mistakes just like every other imperfect human on earth.
Low self-esteem manifests in different ways, such as not feeling in control of life, having a hard time asking for help, being afraid of failure, not having good boundaries, and not speaking kindly to yourself.

Do you feel like a bully is living inside your head sometimes?

Boosting your self-esteem can help keep your thoughts from sliding down the slippery slope of self-loathing.

How do you Cope With Feeling Like You Never Do Anything Right

While it's normal to sometimes feel like you can't do anything right, that doesn't mean you have to just live with the feeling. Instead, there are a lot of different actions you can take that can help quell this notion and put you back on a positive path in your mind. Don’t let Yourself feel this way. Running away from our problems never makes them go away, and running away from our feelings doesn't allow us to move through them. Sometimes, all you have to do to get past a feeling is stop trying to fight it. When you're feeling like you can't do anything right, take a moment and just let yourself feel that. Once you're feeling a little calmer, try to delve deeper into where the feeling is coming from. This can lead you to understand if there is a larger issue at play that you need to deal with. If you have made a mistake, missed a deadline, burnt dinner, cut your bangs too short, etc. have some grace for yourself. We all make mistakes or miss the mark, and that is how we learn valuable lessons, gain skills, and grow emotionally.

How to achieve Self-acceptance?

Prove Yourself wrong by reviewing what You've done right. This simple task lets you know you're wrong about never doing anything right. In a journal, on your phone, or in a computer document, make a list of things you've accomplished, succeeded at, or done well at in life. It doesn't have to be complicated! Were you a good babysitter for a younger sibling at one time? Did you graduate from high school or college? Have you made a friend laugh recently? All those are things you've done right. And you will find that the good stuff outweighs your less-than-proud moments. We sometimes have to remind ourselves of these things to have a more accurate view of our reality.

Journaling is useful for stress management. It also is a way to visualize that you have, in fact, done many things right in life. Speak to Yourself the way You speak to others. Positive self-talk can get you through tough situations, and can also improve your self-esteem. When you're feeling like you can't do anything right, turn the table on yourself and imagine a friend or loved one saying that to you. What would you say to them? Chances are, you certainly wouldn't agree!

Instead, you'd point out everything you've seen them do right. You'd tell them they are a great person, worthy of thinking highly of themself. When it's hard to speak kindly to ourselves, a way to work around that is to pretend we're speaking to someone else.

Go for a Walk

Not only does walking reduce stress and improve your health, but a change of environment can also help you get out of your negative mind space. Going for a walk is a great way to clear your head of negative thoughts. Stop and smell the flowers, feel the sunshine on your arms, notice the breeze against your face, or say "hi" to a neighbor as you pass them. As you walk, let your thoughts wander away from the idea that you can't do anything right. When you get home, you just might feel a bit better.

Talk to a Friend Or Loved One

Holding your feelings inside isn't conducive to letting them go or, even better, helping them shift into more positive feelings. Talking to others and having connections is vital to human happiness, so even if you're feeling like you don't want to share about this issue, you'll probably feel better once you do.If it seems like there just isn't anyone to talk to, follow these guidelines to get started making and enhancing the human connections in your life.

If you want to talk to someone about this feeling but you're worried, nervous, or embarrassed, you can always text or email first. Asking a friend or loved one if they have the emotional availability to help you work through a difficult feeling is a great way to practice boundaries, and if they say "yes," you'll likely feel safer discussing it, knowing that they have the emotional space held for you.

Practice Self-Care

Self-care is a great stress reliever, and it also helps you feel more positively about yourself. Self-care is anything you do for yourself that makes you feel good. It can be physical, such as taking a bath, or emotional, like laying down and listening to relaxing music.

Do a Good Deed

Science has proven that performing kind acts for others helps us feel better ourselves. It's called prosocial behavior, and even if you don't necessarily understand why helping others will make you feel better, know that it does. Acts of kindness toward others aid our emotional well-being, and when you're feeling more positive, chances are your mind won't gravitate toward those self-defeating thoughts. Additionally, a kind act is also something you did right! Everyone wins when you practice being charitable toward other people.

Take a Break

It's not a failure in life if you just need a break. We all need breaks, and we all benefit from taking them! Taking a break reduces stress, makes us more productive overall and clears our heads.

That last benefit is key when you're feeling like you can't do anything right. Taking a break doesn't need to be complicated, and there isn't any specific task you have to perform for it to count. Just pause, ask yourself if you'd like to take a few minutes off, and see where that leads you. If it leads you straight to the couch with your favorite book in hand, that's totally fine! If you want to pet your dog, that's great! If you want to close your eyes for a few minutes, there is nothing wrong with that.

Taking a break is supposed to be enjoyable and unproductive.

When to Seek Professional Help

After trying these suggestions, if you find you are still struggling to reign in those negative thought patterns, you might want to consider seeking professional help. There is a specific type of therapy known as cognitive behavioral therapy that is designed to help you work through your maladaptive thought life and help you find better ways to cope with the stress in your life.

Take care of yourself and your loved ones they are your team mates now

The Old Sailor,