Losing a good friend hurts

 

Dear Bloggers,

 

I have sailed quite a bit of the worlds seas and oceans never felt alone at sea  as I had great colleagues with many years of experience in all kinds of situations. I had a bit of a rough start when I started sailing and my past being on the rescue team during a ships disaster was not very helpful during a boat drill I was overwhelmed by memories as the evacuation alarm sounded throughout the ships speakers. I felt emotions that I never knew before there was panic in my head and I could not think straight. I left the company for a while and made a new start on a cruise liner. After a while I came back again on a smaller and older vessel. But the crew was great and I closed most of them in my heart. Some of them I have been sailing with for quite some years. 

At sea you learn to know each other better as you invest more time into the personal matters. These good conversations about the things in life. Even if the sea was brutal and rough we had a good time and comforted the new ones. If we are going down we will go together. These friendships fade away when you stop sailing although most of my old friends are active on Facebook and I still follow them. And most of them have become very special people with special jobs in life. Or they found love in many different ways. Then all of a sudden the ships bell sounds with bad news that one of your closest friends is very ill and there will be no cure. I am not the person that waits for answers and I asked questions about what was going on. She enjoyed life to the fullest and was not ready to go. It struck me as lightning when I found out that she had gone over the horizon. That is where all good sailors go.

 

A ship sails and I stand watching till she fades on the horizon
and someone at my side says 
She is gone.
Gone where? Gone from my sight, that is all. 
She is just as large now as when I last saw her.
Her diminished size and total loss from my sight is in me, not in her. 

Although it’s often overlooked, the loss of a friend is just as devastating as that of any other loved one. It comes with the same force and it quickly takes you through a whirlwind of emotions before it throws you at grief’s mercy. Expect to be shocked, angry, confused and deeply disturbed as you try to make sense of it and adapt to its demands.

It is not easy to lose a close friend

We often trick ourselves into believing that the loss of a friend is an unfortunate experience and with it, we rule out its severity and impact on our life. That kind of attitude is particularly evident in the cases where our friend leaves a family and loved ones behind. Naturally, their bereaved spouse, parents, siblings are deeply affected but don’t let that take away the importance of your loss and put you at the bottom of the list.

Regardless of these arrangements, your grief is just as important and you need to give it the full attention it demands. Listen to it and be prepared to deal with the sudden burst of emotions, confusion and anger. You may feel guilty about past arguments or regret some of the things you remember saying and doing.

Grieving the loss of a friend is just as personal and unique as any other grief.

Losing a friend in later life

Nobody can prepare you for such a loss, even if it is the result of a long illness. Losing a close friend as an adult is likely to trigger a series of emotions beginning with shock and disbelief. Confusion or inabilities to talk about your feelings are also quite likely reactions in the early days of your loss.

However you feel, remember that it takes time to process that loss and to come to terms with it. Don’t be impatient with yourself and don’t pretend that you are not affected by it. Open the floodgates to let all these feelings and emotions overwhelm you. Then start to work your way through them as you begin to move forward with your life. Expect to cycle through the same feelings or to feel stuck and unable to see a way out of it. That’s how grief works but it gets better with time. 

Be with people who understand your grief

Be prepared to ‘suffer in silence’ because not everyone will appreciate the scale of your loss. The lack of recognition is also likely to affect how you deal with grief. Make sure you surround yourself with people who understand and respect that loss. The loss of your friend is not a reason to forget them. Look back at the wonderful times and treasure your memories. That’s their way of being a part of your life now and you need to embrace it.

Life without your friend is not going to be the same. You are going to miss them no matter what you do. That’s normal and so are the other feelings and emotions you are likely to experience. Remember that grief is a process which is unique to you. Be kind to yourself and allow plenty of time to grieve that loss. The emotional high that you get from the release of endorphins whilst laughing and having a good time with your friend is cut short and replaced with a mountain of sadness after their death. That’s the mountain you need to climb in order to move forward with your life after the loss of a close friend.

We knew a lot of great people in our lives at sea and many passed by with cosey nights sitting together and having a little drink in the so called Café Holland a place where many have good memories and many of us sang along with the music that was played including this Dutch song that’s called “Aan de kust.” Performed by Bløf. As we sailed with International crewmembers we tried to translate the lyrics into English so they had a clue what it was about. This song touched me again last week as it was aired on my car radio and this part of the song hit me.

Vlissingen ademt zwaar en moedeloos vannacht
De haven is verlaten, want er is nog maar een vracht
En die moet in het donker buitengaats worden gebracht
Gedenk de goede tijden van zuiverheid en kracht
Maar men weet het niet
En zwijgt van wat men hoort en ziet

 

My Translation of the lyrics:

Vlissingen (town in Zeeland) breaths heavy and cheerless tonight

The harbor is abandoned, because there is only one shipment

And that has to be brought out of the harbor in the dark 

Commemorating the good times of purity and strength

But people don't know

And are quiet about what they hear and see

 

As Sailors we don’t say goobye but farewell my dear friend.

The Old Sailor,

 

A Diabetic Christmas

 

Dear Bloggers,

Merry Christmas does not have to come with stress. Since you have read the first “Another Christmas” blog, you are already done purchasing gifts, enjoying the top three projects your family enjoys at this time of year and are now on to planning your Christmas meal.

If you are one of the 2/3rd’s of the world that lives on more than €1.00 a day, you are lucky and will be having a very Merry Christmas, indeed. Let’s keep our focus on blessings.

Christmas dinner does not have to be extravagant or stressful. Divide the courses up among your guests and be thankful for whatever they will bring. Bake ahead of time and freeze your items. If you have family traditions, be sure to begin including your children in the preparations, or that tradition will not be living onward. If someone brought a dish {I can’t eat seafood} that you do not prefer and left it for you? Take it to a neighbor or a good friend, as someone will enjoy that time and it saves money and effort. As a diabetic I have to let things go and eat as healthy as possible.

Enjoy setting a table that looks like the one above? Go for it! Don’t enjoy it? Don’t! The food will taste the same on whatever plate you use. No one enjoys cleaning up extra plates, silverware, etcetera.…..Remember, Jesus was born in a manger and they had no place to go as everyone was traveling and they had barely anything to get by.

As for New Year’s, there is an old saying that whatever you are doing at the stroke of midnight will be what you will be doing most of the next year. Family game night, friends and family over for games and celebrating or just sleeping at your normal times sounds like a great evening! There is a lot of drinking going on out there, so an overnight party with breakfast in the morning for you crew sounds like a safe and nutritional choice!

Above all, cherish your family and friends at this time of year. Count your blessings! Eat whatever you can and enjoy real food, relax and have a little dessert.

Have a Merry Christmas,

The Old Sailor,

 

The Sea keeps calming me

 

Dear Bloggers,    

 

I remember very well when I was a little boy, from the back seat of our car, I used to eagerly look forward to admiring the wide sea once we reached the coast for our very few trips during the holidays. It is where I went every year with my parents as being the youngest little bloke in our family. Quite an adventure every time. The North Sea stood (and still stands) for freedom, sun and beach. In short, full enjoyment, as it should be.

The sea therefore impresses me like few other things in nature. The way it stretches endlessly, far beyond the horizon. And swerve both left and right as far as your eyes allow you to look. And then what to think of the force in which the waves make their way towards the mainland, towards the beach, all with that lovely soothing sound of the moving sea current. Lovely, isn't it?

My love for the sea has only increased with age, you learn to appreciate even more the beauty and power of nature.

 

All that said, I headed out later in life to get some demons in my head under control and no this did not succeed at first. Feeling homesick and overcome with feelings of deep-seated fears literally surfaced. It was living Hell. As a result, I stepped down again from my career as a sailor, but the salty water had touched my brain and a few months later I boarded a cruise ship I took a flight to Venice to join the ships crew. I had to gain some confidence and income for our family. And yes again, I was not having a good time and after the first contract I stepped away again I was missing my girlfriend and it didn't earn very well either. Luck was with me because at the ferry service where I had worked they were again looking for staff. This is where my sea career began to take shape and nowadays I have been with them for nearly fifteen years..

Every time I drive to the coast, I always find a unique seaside resort or a small cafe overlooking the sea. The coast is often beautiful and there is also sometimes a natural transition between beach and dunes. Unspoiled nature. Meters high dunes with natural vegetation, so nice to go for a walk or having  a cozy picnic.

Sea dykes and sky-high buildings often prevent the natural course of things in other seaside resorts, and once you have tasted the splendor of nature as it is supposed to be, you won't be able to prove us wrong.

The first 2-3 hours after our arrival were spent walking with our 2 Shelties through and along the dunes and on the beach. A nice breath of fresh air in a rather tight sea breeze, your head completely empty of thoughts, but all under a nice smiling autumn sun.

We walked towards the North, a few kilometer’s away, step by step against the wind gusts.

A kilometer or so from the Centre of Callantsoog along the line separating the beach from the beginning of the dunes, you can find nice little shops and restaurants on the village square. On the beach, some of the beach pavilions are open all year round, so even in autumn and winter this is paradise for both the passionate wind and kite surfers and for those who want to enjoy a drink near the sea. We are definitely the latter, by the way, and we enjoyed the summer cocktail while admiring the unbelievably clever tricks the sea sport enthusiasts showed to passers-by and others like us. Enjoying the good life, but a little better!

 

After our rest and enjoying the beautiful view, we left the pavilion and continued our walk. Enjoying the sun sinking deeper and deeper. We felt free and relaxed. A beautiful sunset turned out to be the icing on the cake of a great day spent on and around the dunes and beach. Our dogs go totally wild as they are running down the coastline.

 

On the culinary front, by the way, we had picked some things in advance that we absolutely wanted to tick off our gastronomic 'bucket-list'. The North Sea and fisheries are inextricably linked. So yes, we spent our evening in Callantsoog going for two typical, delectable dishes in which the fruits of the sea played a starring role: delicious freshly made shrimp croquettes as a starter, an appetizer that made our taste buds gurgle with pleasure. Unfortunately, I can only sit there and watch my wife feast on these treats from the sea. I am unfortunately allergic to seafood at least a substance found in most of them. Fortunately for me, the menu has plenty of alternatives.

And after that? Oh yes, an authentically Dutch main meal in the form of far-sea sirloin steak with a sauce of your choice accompanied by baked Jerusalem apples and fresh vegetables. Delicious!

 

However, all great songs and weekends always come to an end. After our very successful day out in Callantsoog, we went out again to enjoy the sea breeze and the incredibly beautiful dune landscape one last time, here in the province called North Holland.

Callantsoog is super-touristic but still one of the few seaside resorts on the Dutch North Sea coast where the dunes and beach still flow into each other undisturbed (and oh so beautifully). It yields such beautiful views. To fall in love with... and to stay. Hope to see you soon.

 

The Old Sailor,

Selling your home can be pretty stressful

 

Dear Bloggers,

 Yes we are moving again and our house is for sale at the current time. And no we did not find a new place yet although we are having a Plan B to live somewhere in a holiday park for the time in between homes. We did a lot of work to make it our forever home and yes we succeeded pretty much. There are some points that still need attention for example the bathroom needs to be redone to make things more into todays color schemes. That is something for the new owners to do. Our house

 

Our current home is for sale 

Selling a home can be stressful from start to finish. There's so much riding on a home sale that many homeowners spend the time selling their home sitting "on pins and needles," as they say. It's hard not to worry. From the moment that a home is put up for sale, homeowners must ask themselves: what will we do if the home doesn't sell for enough money? What if it takes to long sell? These questions and concerns are valid.

 

Everything outside the house was freshly painted last year by my wife

Fortunately, there are things that you can do to make the home selling process go more smoothly. If you're a homeowner who would like to sell your home sometime in the coming months, you can make the process easier on yourself by working with a professional real estate agent. Below, I've listed the top 10 stressors that homeowners experience when trying to sell their home.

The new staircase was installed

Selling Within the Timeframe

Most homeowners need to sell their home on a deadline. If they can't sell their home by the time their new job begins, or by the time they've started to pay the mortgage on their new property, they could experience hardship that could lead to loss of money. Homes tend to sell quickly at certain times of the year. Putting the house up for sale at a time of year when buyers are looking can help the home sell faster. Homeowners can also help their home sell more quickly by pricing the house right.

 

New powerlines, telephone, gas and also the sewagepipes were renewed

A house that is priced too high for its worth could take a long time to attract the right buyer, and may never attract the right buyer if it remains priced too high. Incorrect pricing can be avoided by working with a real estate professional who understands the real estate market in the area and who knows how to analyze the prices of comparable homes in the area.

 

Selling for the Desired Price

Most home sellers have a target price they're aiming for when they put their house on the market. They often feel anxiety when they wonder what will happen if they don't sell their home for the right price. When an offer comes in below the expected price, this can create feelings of hesitation. Do they accept the offer or not? This is another reason to work with a real estate professional who knows how to analyze the price of comparable homes in the area. 

The rebuilding of the garage after being on fire as the powerlines were not installed according to standards. everything inside was burned. 

A capable real estate professional can help set expectations so homeowners know what to expect when they put their home on the market. Although a real estate professional is not able to predict the future, they can often help homeowners decide what price is realistic, so hopefully the homeowner won't be expecting a price that is much higher than it should be.

 

Handling Home Improvements & Home Selling Preparation

Homeowners often feel a lot of pressure to make their house look "perfect" without really knowing what buyers want. They often put effort into home improvements without knowing whether those improvements will pay off.

 

Homeowners can assuage these concerns by setting up a consultation with their real estate professional before listing their home. Their real estate professional can give them advice that can help them decide what home improvements are most important to do now.

 

The garden has been finished and landscaped this year a costful operation

Fear of Offers Falling Through

Once an offer does come through, it takes a while before the home is officially sold. During that time, the offer can always fall through. Homeowners who are in a hurry to sell their home quickly often feel anxiety that they will not be able to stop the offer from falling apart. A good real estate professional can help with any negotiations that could prevent the home sale from falling apart. An experienced negotiator can help keep buyers interested. Even if their enthusiasm for the home buying process begins to wane.

All the walls have been redone as the former owners only lived here for 40+ Years

Timing the Sale of the Home with the Purchase of a New One

Selling a home and buying a home at the same time can be an especially touchy process. Usually, home sellers want to sell the home shortly before the purchase of their new home is final. Home sellers often feel worry that their home will either sell too soon before the purchase of their new home, or that their home will take a long time to sell after their new home has been bought. Both situations can lead to financial hardship for the homeowner. Homeowners who want to time the sale of their new home purchase properly should work with an experienced real estate professional for both the sale of their old home and the purchase of their new home. Having a partner who can help them at both ends of the transaction can help with the timing.

We had to put in a new kitchen as well as the wooden floor was in that bad condition that you actually could fall through. We now have foam concrete floor with underfloor heating. Best decission i made

Anxiety Over the Unknowns in the Selling Process & Timeline

Lack of control over the selling process and timeline can make some homeowners feel like they're out of control generally, which can lead to overall feelings of anxiety. Homeowners who feel anxiety over the home selling process and timeline should write down a list of questions for their real estate professional at the start of the home selling process to help them feel like they know what to expect throughout the transaction. It's important to find a real estate agent who is a good communicator, who can help the home seller understand what's happening throughout the home selling process. Most home sellers have a greater feeling of control over the selling process if they know what to anticipate every step of the way.

Our diningroom and coffee kitchen counter we had plenty to remodel this to our home.

Being Unsure if Buyers are Interested

Sometimes when a house sits on the market for a long time, home sellers may become concerned that buyers are not interested in their house. This can happen for many reasons. If the house is priced incorrectly, or if the house is not in good condition, then buyers can be hard to bring to the table. Often, sellers find it hard to believe that their home is not attractive to buyers. Sellers expect their house to be attractive to buyers because it is attractive to the sellers. This kind of perspective can make it difficult for sellers to make their home more appealing to buyers. Sometimes, painting a room can be helpful. Other times, the house needs to be repriced. For home sellers, the best way to attract buyers is to work with a real estate professional who can make recommendations for repairs or changes that can bring buyers running.

 

The bathroom stayed in her retro look all the pipes have been checked by a pro, so everything is functional but out of date. 

Handling Negotiations with Buyers

Negotiating with buyers is one of the key parts of selling a home, but many homeowners have little or no experience selling much of anything. This makes negotiating with buyers stressful because most home sellers feel unprepared and unable to handle the negotiations themselves. The best thing that home sellers can do to negotiate with their buyers is to work with a trustworthy real estate professional. It's also important to listen to that real estate professional as they often give advice to sellers. However, it is the seller who is ultimately in control of many of the actions that the real estate professional takes when trying to sell the house. Working together as a team, the real estate professional and home seller can help make the negotiating process better overall.

 

Our backyard and garage we loved to sit outside during the summertime

Difficulty Keeping the Home Clean for Showings

Sometimes, it takes several home showings before a buyer makes an offer on a home. In between those tours and showings, home sellers often spend hours cleaning and staging their house. This can lead to wasted time, stress over keeping the house looking its best, and even fights among people in the household as everyone feels pressure to keep their house looking its best.

For many homeowners, the solution to staging and preparing the house between home showings is to have the house professionally cleaned on a regular basis. Some homeowners will even hire landscapers to cut their grass, water their plants and weed their garden to boost curb appeal. Having professional resources on hand can help reduce the anxiety out of maintaining a home.

 

The Masterbedroom Which is for Dutch standards not to bad.

It's also helpful to work with a real estate professional. A capable and skilled real estate professional can make recommendations that can help homeowners know where to direct their energy when staging their home. This can help homeowners feel some sense of relief that, even if their home is not in perfect condition when home buyers come to see the home, the house is still tailored to the needs and tastes of home buyers. This can help make the experience of preparing for home showings and tours easier overall.

Getting Out of the House for Showings

During tours and open houses, the homeowner leaves their home open for anyone who wants to come in and take a look at their possessions. For some homeowners, doing this can be very challenging. Leaving the home open for anyone to wander in means making the house vulnerable to scrutiny and perhaps even security concerns. This is not easy for some homeowners.

 There are many things that home sellers can do to assuage their own concerns. To begin with, listening to their real estate professional about staging tactics can leave the house seeming less vulnerable overall. Most staging tactics involve putting away personal items that would make the home seem a little less generic and a little more intimate. Not only does this make the house more secure, but it can also lead to bigger offers from home buyers.

In addition, it's also important to work with a real estate professional who will keep a watch over the belongings in the house while the house is being toured by potential buyers. This helps keep the items safe and can even help keep the house itself safe.

 

Our garage and our backyard seen from the sidewalk

Work with a Real Estate Professional

When the time comes to sell your home, the most important thing you can do to make the home selling process easier overall is to work with a real estate professional. Your real estate professional can help you by providing advice and guidance throughout the home selling process, interacting with potential buyers, and by serving as your guide while the house is being sold. 

 

An impression of our groundfloor done by our real estate professionals people

In most of the cases that I know as we have been viewing some new homes for many sellers "...it would make sense to step aside for a little fresh air and let the professionals do their magic."

By working with a real estate professional, you can alleviate much of the anxiety you might feel while the selling process is taking place.

The Old Sailor,