Summer is leaving us and autumn is on the way

Dear Bloggers, 

 

When I woke up this morning and gazed into the morning sun having my breakfast and nice cup of tea it came to me that also this summer is leaving us and autumn is on the way. I went with the kids to the fair in the village where I was born and raised, to me this fair is the end of summer and the beginning of the fall or harvesting season. 

You can feel that the air is changing. This is a special time of year, certainly not my favorite. The heat of summer gives way to cool, misty mornings and brisk nights. The sun hangs lower in the sky, shading some areas that got steady sun all summer. The equinox approaches, shortening the days and lengthening the nights.

This time of year has always been used to terrify ancient people who did not realize the sun would "turn around" and start rising in its orbit, come the time we now know as the winter solstice. Fortunately, we know that we can enjoy this time of year for what it is: the natural decay of the green, summer world, the turning of the leaves and the coming of winter.

Why do I love this time of year? It isn’t for the rain showers but let me count the ways. I am not a fan of extreme hot days and I am quite happy that we are running into cooler weather and as I see slowly some trees that are already changing a bit of color. The vivid, rich colors of the fall foliage in the Northern parts of the Netherlands. As it is getting a bit colder in the morning and evening hours, I can start wearing my favorite jackets and blazers. 

Drinking hot cocoa at the fireplace with a zip of beerenburg to kill an upcoming flu. Great memories of autumns that past many years ago: as they were the start of some special relationships with girls. Even though none of them had a happy ending as I met my wife in January just after the holidays.  

When I am walking outside in the brisk evening air and the smell of burning firewood it gives me a feeling of cosiness and when you look up you’re seeing the constellation Orion in the sky. And what about making on rainy days comfort food like stews and soups, roast beef and such. It was a great summer and the temperature was incredibly high. Now slowly things have turned back to normal and are back in the school rhythm again. Holidays are over again and soon we are living up to darker days with stormy weather and leaves on the ground in the most beautiful colors.

The Old Sailor,

When your life is full of hassle

Dear Bloggers,

Modern life is full of hassles, deadlines, frustrations, and demands. For many people, stress is so commonplace that it has become a way of life. Stress isn’t always bad. In small doses, it can help you perform under pressure and motivate you to do your best. But when you’re constantly running in emergency mode, your mind and body pay the price. You can protect yourself by recognizing the signs and symptoms of stress and taking steps to reduce its harmful effects.

What is stress actually and what does it to you?

The body’s stress response system how does it work

When you perceive a threat, your nervous system responds by releasing a flood of stress hormones, including adrenaline and cortisol. These hormones rouse the body for emergency action. It happens normally when you are scared of something like seeing a spider, snake or a mouse. Or when someone is trying to attack you in some way you will respond.

 

Your heart pounds faster, muscles tighten, blood pressure rises, breath quickens, and your senses become sharper. These physical changes increase your strength and endurance, speed and your reaction time it will enhance your focus and is preparing you to either fight or flee from the danger at hand.

Stress is a normal physical response to events that make you feel threatened or upset your balance in some way. When you sense danger whether it’s real or imagined the body's defenses kick into high gear in a rapid, automatic process known as the “fight-or-flight-or-freeze” reaction, or the stress response.

The stress response is the body’s way of protecting you. When working properly, it helps you stay focused, energetic, and alert. In emergency situations, stress can save your life giving you extra strength to defend yourself, for example, or spurring you to slam on the brakes to avoid an accident.

The stress response also helps you rise to meet challenges. Stress is what keeps you on your toes during a presentation at work, sharpens your concentration when you’re attempting the game-winning free kick, or drives you to study for an exam when you'd rather be watching TV.

But beyond a certain point, stress stops being helpful and starts causing major damage to your health, your mood, your productivity, your relationships, and your quality of life.

How do you respond to stress?

It's important to learn how to recognize when your stress levels are out of control. The most dangerous thing about stress is how easily it can creep up on you. You get used to it. It starts to feel familiar, even normal. You don't notice how much it's affecting you, even as it takes a heavy toll.

The signs and symptoms of stress overload can be almost anything. Stress affects the mind, body, and behavior in many ways, and everyone experiences stress differently. Not only can overwhelming stress lead to serious mental and physical health problems, it can also take a toll on your relationships at home, work, and school.

Stress doesn’t always look stressful

A psychologist uses a driving analogy to describe the three most common ways people respond when they’re overwhelmed by stress:

• Foot on the gas – An angry, agitated, or “fight” stress response. You’re heated, keyed up, overly emotional, and unable to sit still.
• Foot on the brake – A withdrawn, depressed, or “flight” stress response. You shut down, pull away, space out, and show very little energy or emotion.
• Foot on both – A tense or “freeze” stress response. You become frozen under pressure and can’t do anything. You look paralyzed, but under the surface you’re extremely agitated.
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Signs and symptoms of stress overload

The following table lists some of the common warning signs and symptoms of stress. The more signs and symptoms you notice in yourself, the closer you may be to stress overload. If you cannot figure this out anymore you are in the dangerous zone and need help badly.

Stress Warning Signs and Symptoms
Cognitive Symptoms	Emotional Symptoms
Memory problems Inability to concentrate Poor judgment Seeing only the negative Anxious or racing thoughts Constant worrying	Moodiness Irritability or short temper Agitation, inability to relax Feeling overwhelmed Sense of loneliness and isolation Depression or general unhappiness
Physical Symptoms	Behavioral Symptoms
Aches and pains Diarrhea or constipation Nausea, dizziness Chest pain, rapid heartbeat Loss of sex drive Frequent colds	Eating more or less Sleeping too much or too little Isolating yourself from others Procrastinating or neglecting responsibilities Using alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs to relax Nervous habits (e.g. nail biting, pacing)

Keep in mind that the signs and symptoms of stress can also be caused by other psychological or medical problems. If you’re experiencing any of the warning signs of stress, it’s important to see a doctor for a full evaluation. Your doctor can help you determine whether or not your symptoms are stress-related.

How much stress is too much and how do you deal with it?

Because of the widespread damage stress can cause, it's important to know your own limit. But just how much stress is "too much" differs from person to person. We're all different. Some people are able to roll with the punches, while others seem to crumble in the face of far smaller obstacles or frustrations. Some people even seem to thrive on the excitement and challenge of a high-stress lifestyle.

Your ability to tolerate stress depends on many factors, including the quality of your relationships, your general outlook on life, your emotional intelligence, and genetics.

Things that influence your stress tolerance level

• Your support network – A strong network of supportive friends and family members can be an enormous buffer against life’s stressors. On the flip side, the more lonely and isolated you are, the greater your vulnerability to stress.
• Your sense of control – It may be easier to take stress in your stride if you have confidence in yourself and your ability to influence events and persevere through challenges. If you feel like things are out of your control, you’re likely to have less tolerance for stress.
• Your attitude and outlook – Optimistic people are often more stress-hardy. They tend to embrace challenges, have a strong sense of humor, and accept that change is a part of life.
• Your ability to deal with your emotions – You’re extremely vulnerable to stress if you don’t know how to calm and soothe yourself when you’re feeling sad, angry, or overwhelmed by a situation. The ability to bring your emotions into balance helps you bounce back from adversity and is a skill that can be learned at any age.
• Your knowledge and preparation – The more you know about a stressful situation, including how long it will last and what to expect, the easier it is to cope. For example, if you go into surgery with a realistic picture of what to expect post-op, a painful recovery will be less traumatic than if you were expecting to bounce back immediately.

Causes of stress

The situations and pressures that cause stress are known as stressors. We usually think of stressors as being negative, such as an exhausting work schedule or a rocky relationship. However, anything that puts high demands on you or forces you to adjust can be stressful. This includes positive events such as getting married, buying a house, going to college, or receiving a promotion.

Of course, not all stress is caused by external factors. Stress can also be self-generated, for example, when you worry excessively about something that may or may not happen, or have irrational, pessimistic thoughts about life.

Dealing with stress and its symptoms

While unchecked stress is undeniably damaging, you have more control over your stress levels than you might think. Unfortunately, many people cope with stress in ways that only compound the problem. You might drink too much to unwind at the end of a stressful day, fill up on comfort food, zone out in front of the TV or computer for hours, and use pills to relax, or relieve stress by lashing out at other people. However, there are many healthier ways to cope with stress and its symptoms.

Since everyone has a unique response to stress, there is no “one size fits all” solution to dealing with it. No single method works for everyone or in every situation, so experiment with different techniques and strategies. Focus on what makes you feel calm and in control.

Learn how to manage stress

You may feel like the stress in your life is out of your control, but you can always control the way you respond. Managing stress is all about taking charge: taking charge of your thoughts, your emotions, your schedule, your environment, and the way you deal with problems. Stress management involves changing the stressful situation when you can, changing your reaction when you can’t, taking care of yourself, and making time for rest and relaxation.

Remember the four A’s: avoid, alter, adapt, or accept.

• Avoid unnecessary stress. Not all stress can be avoided, but by learning how to say no, distinguishing between “shoulds” and “musts” on your to-do list, and steering clear of people or situations that stress you out, you can eliminate many daily stressors.
• Alter the situation. If you can’t avoid a stressful situation, try to alter it. Be more assertive and deal with problems head on. Instead of bottling up your feelings and increasing your stress, respectfully let others know about your concerns. Or be more willing to compromise and try meeting others halfway on an issue.
• Adapt to the stressor. When you can’t change the stressor, try changing yourself. Re frame problems or focus on the positive things in your life. If a task at work has you stressed, focus on the aspects of your job you do enjoy. And always look at the big picture: is this really something worth getting upset about?
• Accept the things you can’t change. There will always be stressors in life that you can’t do anything about. Learn to accept the inevitable rather than rail against a situation and making it even more stressful. Look for the upside in a situation—even the most stressful circumstances can be an opportunity for learning or personal growth. Learn to accept that no one, including you, is ever perfect.

You can also better cope with the symptoms of stress by strengthening your physical health.

• Set aside relaxation time. Relaxation techniques such as yoga, meditation, and deep breathing activate the body’s relaxation response, a state of restfulness that is the opposite of the stress response.
• Exercise regularly. Physical activity plays a key role in reducing and preventing the effects of stress. Nothing beats aerobic exercise for releasing pent-up stress and tension.
• Eat a healthy diet. Well-nourished bodies are better prepared to cope with stress. Start your day with a healthy breakfast, reduce your caffeine and sugar intake, and cut back on alcohol and nicotine.
• Get plenty of sleep. Feeling tired can increase stress by causing you to think irrationally. Keep your cool by getting a good night’s sleep.

Make a good program for yourself to relieve stress and bring your life into balance

Sometimes stress management isn’t enough. If you feel overwhelmed by stress but can’t seem to follow through with a stress management program, you may need extra help. A psychologist can help you relieve stress and replace old emotional habits with healthier ways of thinking, feeling, behaving, and relating to others.

Once you’ve mastered these core skills you’ll have the confidence to face most stressful challenges, knowing that you’ll always be able to rapidly bring yourself back into balance.

The Old Sailor,

A trauma is something horrible to live with

Dear Bloggers,

Let me start this story with a bit of introduction of who I am in my daily life. I am a person with a wide range of humor and I am also pretty down to earth. I am not known for being high emotional or quickly into panic. Unfortunately I blew my fuses out a while ago. This was a weird roller coaster ride of old memories that were buried a long time ago. As this state of mind might become dangerous I took a step towards a psychologist to find out why this part of my memories took over the main control. 

A trauma brings with it flashbacks of memory and strong emotions, which are often uncomfortable and difficult to cope with. Typically these symptoms are followed by the fight or flight response…. This is just natural; as instinct tells us to do everything we can to avoid pain and discomfort. Unfortunately, avoiding trauma symptoms can be detrimental instead of helpful. Resisting and avoiding trauma symptoms often brings on more intense emotions as well as increased frustration, anger, and panic.

I often use this analogy to explain why this happens: Imagine you are out in the ocean, far from shore. Giant waves are coming, very intimidating and scary. The first instinct is to fight, to swim as hard as you can back to shore. However, unless you are a physical anomaly, you only end up exhausting yourself and don’t get closer to your goal of safety. When exhausted, you are at higher risk of drowning. Thus, survival experts advise that the best thing you can do in this type of situation is to allow your body to relax to conserve energy, floating instead of fighting. This gives you a better chance of getting through the ordeal and allows time to calm yourself so you can think clearly about what to do to in order to survive.

I was advised to do the same thing when I am experiencing traumatic symptoms. On many occasions during my life, I have seen shock and confusion on their faces when I tell them to stop fighting their symptoms and to just go with them, instead of making them worse, but also not fighting or avoiding. It sounds absurd, I know, how to advise others against fighting panic, awful memories, intense emotions, and flashbacks. After all, don’t we want relief from those symptoms? Of course we do. It is natural to want to be without pain. I was asked by my therapist to take the risk and try just riding the waves of my own symptoms, experiencing and observing them without feeding into them and making them worse and especially all the while not trying to make them better, either.

When we try to make our symptoms better by fighting or avoiding them, we are often fighting a losing battle. The body and brain are amazing. They know what they need to do to work through trauma, and we often get in the way of that process because it is uncomfortable and sometimes downright painful. Healing often involves pain. Think about a time you had an injury of some sort (a broken bone, sunburn, a cut, or any other physical ailment). Think about the healing process and how it wasn’t always comfortable. Often there are uncomfortable or painful sensations that come as a result of the body trying to heal itself.

The same is true when we have experienced a traumatic event. Our brains need the chance to process what has happened. When we fight or avoid the discomfort, not only do the symptoms last longer and become more intense, but we become frustrated because we were not successful in getting rid of the symptoms as soon as we wanted to. 

The good news is this my therapist said: “I have seen the awe on the faces of people when they allow themselves to experience and observe their symptoms, and find that it does indeed work to decrease the intensity and duration of their emotions, flashbacks, and panic. They find that their symptoms have far less power over them and they are able to increase their ability to function in their lives.” This is what riding the waves is all about. The goal is to decrease the suffering in a way that is conducive to healing.

To learn to do this, I would advise that someone experiencing a trauma to reach out for professional help for a few reasons. First, this process can be scary, and a professional can give you the support and monitoring necessary while you are developing this technique. Also, additional coping skills are helpful and necessary when one is learning to ride the waves of their symptoms. Lastly, a professional can help you to develop a comprehensive treatment plan for trauma that will be tailored to your individual needs so you can get the best outcome possible.

Believe me it is better to find help than to drown in your own emotional sea.

The Old Sailor,