The preconceived opinion of the society

Dear Bloggers,

Slowly the autumn begins to enter and when I bring the children to school in the morning the leaves swirl around me. The first trees begin to bare all. I stroll on the pavement on speed dead easy (because of morning stiffness) trough this picturesque image and I am drifting away deep in thought. Until my youngest daughter suddenly pulls my arm and points her finger towards a toadstool. She also asked whether gnomes lived in there?
 

Suddenly I'm back in the real world and I tell her: “Well I think not, because I see no door or a chimney.” Meaningful is her gaze, her eyes he look at me intently. I give her the explanation that not in every toadstool lives a gnome. Meanwhile my brains are running at full strength. I have called the images in my head that this toadstool might be for sale and has a tiny sign in the garden. I laugh about myself and we continue our trip towards the school.

 
It drizzles outside and inside it is comfortable and warm and you would really like to stay here. (And while I hated school in my younger years.) But yes, staying is not an option. One of the students gives a swing to the copper bell indicating that the lessons start in about five minutes,. (So parents have to bugger off.) When I walk out of the door, I feel in my back a few eyes stinging and I think I can guess what these ladies will have as their next issue. “ Yes, the middle-aged unemployed seaman.” Yet I am not the one to be fooled, I greet them with a friendly look and walk quietly back towards our home.
 

I walk back turned into myself and start to giggle a bit and I think are there goblins without work? You normally see these little males usually armed with garden tools. It is not that they are the most active figures as I've never seen one of them move. Some goblins are fishing but this picture gives me even more to think. In my experience this is a sport for men who do not have sex. Because why else would you get up so early in the weekend to get out of a warm bed. And then sitting under a big umbrella staring at the extension of your genitals.
 

Yet it is easier to understand with goblins because you did not see many goblin females. Suddenly I realize something, this would be something not right? Are women oppressed in this culture? Tomorrow it will be in the headlines of newspaper de Telegraaf : “Dwarf men not affraid to use domestic violence.” Meanwhile, I arrived back home and I open the door, I make some coffee and listen to the radio. I make some telephoneconversations to ensure that at the end of the month again we will receive some money again.
When I pick up the kids from school it is around noon, I have decided to buy a winter coat for the little ladies. It is sunny autumn weather when we go on the bike towards the shops out there. Once arrived in the store with my princesses unfolds the grand celebration of the winter coats fitting.
 

We have a lot of fun and nothing is disturbing us. I am also suspiciously monitored by the saleswoman. A mother with children has just entered the store and she looks at me with an indignant glance at my oldest daughter when I say: “You have to choose a coat that is good and that you also should love to wear it because it is your coat.” I feel like a pioneer as seen in the sixties who fought for the rights of women. I fully enjoy this and help my youngest daughter pick out a total of seven new gowns. Walking in a hump of coats we move towards fitting room and again I get the same pair of Argus eyes that followed me earlier this afternoon. The saleslady asks whether we really need no help and i hear in her voice, that I am condemned to be the single father who knows all but has no control. As always I reply:” No thank you we are doing fine” and now I walk with mixed feelings through the store.
 

At one side I'm flattered and on the other hand, I feel hurt. After an hour we leave the shop with two brand new winter coats. As we are heading home on our bikes. suddenly I ask myself this question: What will my wife think of this? The weather is beautiful but because daylight starts to fade early, it cools down very quickly. My thoughts wander off again and I muse over past years. The years that I was a child. After playing outside you came home and often you would smell something nice that you could eat. Now I have to play that role. As it is already quite late, I choose to eat something easy.During diner those double feelings are there again and I really doubt myself. Actually now I recognize myself in the feelings that my wife must have had for years. She phoned me at work to ask what color the sun screen should have for example, she should buy. The children may stay up until mum comes home and of course to show the new coat. After dinner, we are still having some fun at the table and a little chit chat. When we hear the frontdoor open we are waiting anxiously. We have just hung up the new coats as they hung there for ever. My spouse comes in with one of the jackets and asks:” Who is this?” My oldest daughter also resolutely answers: “That is mine and I have selected it myself.” I am relieved that no vindictive remark follows a remark about the color or the scope: “Why was I not asked to go with you?” So I confirm to myself that I can do these things too. Yeah, Well I live in a "girls home" and the shopping I cannot escape from (not that I really mind.) I start to think again: Am I so different than all those other men? Do I have maybe one or more female gene, or are there are more of these dads out there?
 

At one side I enjoy my success and on the other hand, I doubt whether all this is normal. As the evening has fallen I sit with my spouse on the couch and then I doubt again. I'm too soft to determine what is on TV. My wife is usually has the remote and I must say I'm not really a typical male if it comes to preference for things such as football and Formula 1 racing. After all those years these things can not really fascinate me. Again I think: “Am I so different?” I just enjoy my time and I spend it with my children. The happy faces are magic to me when we do something fun again. Laughing I remember this afternoon with my girls. My youngest daughter took all seven coats that we had picked up and she said that she wanted them all to take home.
 

My answer was:”If that bold guy from the postcode lottery is coming along you can take all seven “ Bewildered the mother with children looks at me, after this remark she leaves towards the counter to checkout. I believe they fled the store because she was feeling uncomfortable. And perhaps because she also wants a man like this, and also one that could try things like this with his kids! Ok, I'm not a "superman" but then I do not play soccer on my free Saturday and on Sunday I am not going to fish. Once again I feel a bit double.
 

On one hand I am different and on the other hand, I enjoy all the time that I can spend with my “girls.” Luckely I am not so attached to the rest of the herd and pleased with myself. I am aware that the danger constantly lurks in me but I am not affected at this the point.
 
Enjoy of all the moments you get, because before you know they are gone.


The Old Sailor,

Everything to avoid a winter depression

Dear Bloggers,

When we opened the curtains this morning, the world around us was covered in snow.
My kids were excited, but I start too hate the down parts of this beautiful scenery, instead of enjoying it, but somehow I can’t anymore.
As my wife has to go by car to work, she had to leave early as the forecast was not to good this morning.
There were a lot of accidents reported due to slippery roads and places where they had to deal with glazed frost, they even have closed certain highways because of these so called glaze on the roads.
Gritting was impossible for a few hours.



Tomorrow my kids go ice skating on natural ice, even though the temperatures are rising a bit above zero.
It has been freezing pretty hard for a few nights, strange enough they are having lower temperatures in the south of my country.
I think that I will see my daughter for the first time on ice skates.
As the winters were not that good the last few years.
I am looking forward to see her hassling with her skates, I have explained her that ice skating is about enjoying yourself and not about how great you are.



We've officially entered the hard months, although the days are getting slightly longer, the "dark ages" as the midshipmen at the Naval Academy say: the time of the year when the sun disappears and the pale complexions of your friends remind you that you better take your vitamins or else you'll have a cold to go with your pasty look.
I fear winter each year because many of my depression busters require sunny skies and temperatures in the 20°C.
What does a guy who walks, swims and bikes do for sanity in the winter?
Lots of things.
Here are a few of them:

Careful with sugar.
I think our body gets the cue just before Saint Nicholas that it will be hibernating for a few months, so it needs to ingest everything edible in sight.
And I'm convinced the snow somehow communicates to the human brain the need to consume every kind of chocolate available in the house.
We are mammals, yes, so do we think we need an extra layer of fat in the winter to keep us warm?
I'm starting to think so.
Depressives and addicts need to be especially careful with sweets because the addiction to sugar and white-flour products is very real and physiological, affecting the same biochemical systems in your body as other drugs like heroin.
Your relationship to sweet things is operating on a cellular level.
It is more powerful than you have realized....What you eat can have a huge effect on how you feel."

Give something back.
Ghandi once wrote that "the best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."
I believe that a sense of purpose--committing oneself to a noble mission--and acts of altruism are strong antidotes to depression.
The winter months are a good time to do this because the need is greater, the holiday spirit ideally lasts until February, and you don't have the excuse of attending family picnics, unless you live in a sunny southbound country.

Go to sports rehab
Don't let the cold weather be an excuse not to sweat.
We have centers today called "gyms" where people exercise inside!
Granted, it's not the same--watching the news or listening to the soundtrack from "Rocky" as you run in place as opposed to jogging along wooded paths with a view of the bay.
But you accomplish the goal: a heart rate over 140 beats a minute.
The gym is also a kind of support group for me.
These people, I'm guessing, are going after the endorphin buzz just like me because alcohol and recreational drugs don't do the trick anymore.
And, like moi, I suspect that they also have great difficulty meditating.
Every time they close their eyes, they have visions of screaming kids, which are running around the house, bored by playing inside.



Wear bright colours.
I have no research supporting this theory, but I'm quite convinced there is a link between feeling optimistic and sporting bright colours.
It's in line with "faking it 'til you make it," desperate attempts to trick your brain into thinking that it's sunny and beautiful outside--time to celebrate Spring!--even though it's a blizzard with sleet causing some major traffic jams.
Personally, I tend to wear dark colours everyday in the winter.
It's supposed to make you look thinner.
But the result is that I appear as if and feel like I'm going to a funeral every afternoon between the months of November and March.
This isn't good.
Not for a person hardwired to stress and worry and get depressed when it's cold.
So I make a conscious effort to wear bright red, purple, blue, and yellow, and sometimes--if I'm in a rush--all of them together!



Force yourself to go outside.
I realize that the last thing you want to do when it's below zero degrees outside and the roads are slushy is to head outside for a leisurely stroll around the neighborhood.
It's much more fun to cuddle up with a good novel or make chocolate chip cookies and enjoy them with a hot cup of Chocolate.
On many winter days--especially in late January and early February when my brain is done with the darkness--I have to literally force myself outside, however brief. Because even on cloudy and overcast days, your mood can benefit from exposure to sunlight.
Midday light, especially, provides Vitamin D to help boost your limbic system, the emotional center of the brain.
And there is something so healing about connecting with nature, even if it's covered in snow.

Head South
Granted, this solution isn't free, especially if you live in Friesland.
But you do not need to travel the most expensive way, to transplant your body and mind to a sunny spot for a few days.
Just try to schedule your yearly vacation the last week of January or the first week of February so that it breaks up the winter and so that I have something to look forward to in those depressing weeks following the holidays.



Take up a project.
There's no time like winter to start a home project, like clearing out the mess or purging all the old clothes in your kids' closets.
When a friend of mine was going through a tough time, she painted her entire house--every room downstairs with two different colours.
And it looked professional!
Not only did it help distract her from her problems, but it provided her with a sense of accomplishment that she desperately needed those months, something to feel good about as she saw other things crumble around her.
Projects like organizing bookshelves, shredding old tax returns, and cleaning out the garage are perfect activities for the dreary months of the year.
And hey, most of them are free!



Challenge yourself.
My mood can often be lifted by meeting a new challenge--an activity that is formidable enough to keep my attention, but easy enough to do when my brain is moody.
Learning how to record and edit video blogs, for this guy who is not that good, with this kind of technology, turned out to be great fun.
I try to stretch myself in a small way every winter--whether it is taking a drawing course, researching the genetics of mood disorders, or trying to build myself a website.
It keeps my brain from freezing, like the rest of my body.

Light a candle.
If I counted up all the minutes I've spent staring into a flame, I wonder how many years of my life that would be.
Certainly more than the hours I've spent brushing my teeth or combing my hair.
It would probably even surpass the combination of bath and shower time.
For some reason I assume “That my brain spinning’s” are coming out better if I stick my face in a hot glowing body of flame.
The scarlet blaze generates a feeling of hope, of a fragile but fierce voice, that whispers: "you're not off the hook yet...hang in there."

The Old Sailor,

Het weer in de war

De vier jaar getijden
Vivaldi zou zich in zijn graf omdraaien nu we met de paasdagen volop sneeuw hebben.
Afgelopen jaar zijn alle jaargetijden volledig in de war geweest herfstweer in de winter, winterweer in het voorjaar enzovoort. Ook geestelijk is dit vermoeiend, voorheen kon je er van op aan dat in het voorjaar er weer meer kleren uitgingen. Er is geen peil meer op te trekken op dit moment. Voorheen had je wat meer vaste ideeën over hoe het eruit ging zien als 's ochtends de zon opkwam. laten we beginnen met de herfst.
Het jaar getijde Herfst
De herfst toont al haar mooiste kleuren en laat ons weten dat het langzaam aan kouder wordt. Ook staat zij bekend om haar stormachtige karakter trekken.


Het jaargetijde Winter
De winter is bekend om haar zeer koude elementen zoals vorst, sneeuw en hagelstenen.
toch kan zij ook een bepaalde warmte uitstralen waardoor het heerlijk is om buiten te zijn. Ze is misschien koud maar ik weet zeker dat ze geen ijskoningin zal zijn.



Het jaargetijde Lente
De lente word ook wel voorjaar genoemd omdat ze in alle opzichten een nieuw begin in een nieuw jaar betekent.Het zonnetje lacht ons weer toe, bloemetjes komen uit de grond en kleuren de wereld met frisse tinten. Een nieuw leven ontwaakt en jonge weelderige vormen worden minder bedekt door dat ze minder kleding draagt. De natuur daagt ons aan alle kanten uit.



Het jaargetijde Zomer
De zomer is het mooist van allemaal. Al is ze soms te heet en word je badend in het zweet wakker. Maar ach, als je 's ochtends je ogen open doet en de wereld straalt je letterlijk toe. Een koude douche om je wilde gedachten weg te spoelen en de wereld is iets moois geworden. Kinderen spelen buiten en zij gaat luchtig gekleed door het leven. Het is letterlijk en figuurlijk genieten geblazen.


Waarom behoren dit soort dingen niet meer tot de zekerheden van de mens? Moeten wij ons anders gaan instellen? Of is mij iets ontgaan en dat ik door mijn ouderdom niet meer weet wanneer het gebeurt.

De 7 zekerheden die ieder mens zou moeten hebben (Geboorte, Ademhalen, Leren, Eten & Drinken, Slapen, Leven, Dood) zijn gelukkig nog beschikbaar in mijn leven al moet ik de laatste ooit nog ervaren. Maar ja, dat is gewoon een kwestie van tijd. Het is tenminste al zo velen in mijn omgeving overkomen.